Depression

[joann414]

JMH

 

First of all, you sound like you have been in a battle all of your own pretty much all your life. I hope you are winning it now, and it sounds like you are giving it a helluva go around. HOpe eventually you will be at peace with yourself inside and out. It is not a bad thing to have to depend on a few meds to get through your issues. I take a couple, not only for depression, but for panic attacks.

 

I am sure you have more friends than you realise especially here at GA. I've found hey are a great bunch and very supportive. If you need an ear or just want to rant, feel free to pm me.

 

Have a great holiday, smile inside and out:) Hugs!

 

And to all of you other knotheads like Mark, Rob, Wayne, Cassie, Zoila Lily, Joe, Roan, Connor, Bee, Har, and anyone that I missed, Hugs, Happiness, and have a great holiday

[Mark92]

Hey JMH

Everyone gets one until they tell me not too

I was where you are a year ago, been through pretty much the same too. Still have lots of probs but I'm working my way through them.

My stories are all over this place if you want to look, some stuff I still keep hidden, which includes my face.

I know where you're coming from,. All I can say is here at GA I found a life, not just my one and only Stuby, but friends, real freinds. Who kick me up the butt as well as giving a hug or an ear or shoulder. I gave myself challenges, some almost impossible, but I am obsessive about things and that has helped me. Because once I set my mind to something I will do it.

This year, I've got a shrink, I'm fighting a few evils and I recently took up a University Degree, and I never had no formal schooling.

I'm scared to death, but so excited too.

I hope you find some peace, and welcome to the depression thread, the people here ROCK!

 

Hugs to all

[Mark92]

Hey Joe

I got a parcel today Why am I sad? because it's American and won't play over here So Sorry

Hope you are getting some time to relax with all that family hopping in and out

[joann414]

Sheesh, that's a bummer Mark. But now I can tell you it is the best Christmas movie of all, and you will just have to believe me!

[comicfan]

Mark and Jo Ann,

 

If I had known I could have told you. The coding in the US doesn't really work anywhere else in the world. Pain but the truth.

[Xtro]

There are machines around which will play American material in the UK - usually known as Multi-Region. Sadly, the whole Region thing was brought in by media companies who, like software companies, like to charge dollars in the US - and the same figure in Pounds in the UK (ie $20 becomes £20)

 

The ones which can play anywhere are the Region 0 (Zero) - usually for such material as Opera, etc - where the national uptake will be minimal, but the worldwide interest can made things financially viable.

[layla]

For me, the hardest thing is the mood shifts. I can deal with the mania, I've learned over the years how to channel it into art, music, writing, photography, martial arts, all the things i love and that give me a positive outlet for all the excess energy. it's far, far better than the distruction I used to engage in as a teen. I hate what I've come to call the "down time" the depression, the days when i cry over next to nothing, or can't seem to find the energy to even bother to cook a meal. The worse part of it is how hard I am on myself in those moments, the way the inner voice in my head points out all the flaws, all the mistakes, and pokes at them till I feel even worse. When I'm "up" I can go and go and only need 4-5 hours of sleep at night, but when I'm "down" I feel like i can't get enough sleep, and want nothing more than to just pull the blankets over my head and stay in my warm bed with my cats. I hate those moments, and kicking myself for laying there and getting nothing done, even when getting up and trying to push myself to do something just ends up like trying to walk through fog. It's taken me years to figure out some of the triggers and avoid them, but nothings fool proof, unfortunatly. The only saving grace has been that in the last few years, the periods of just feeling down and miserable have gotten shorter. I just really hope it stays that way.

[Mark92]

Hiya Leyla And welcome to the thread

 

I've always said, "Nobody punishes me, like I do". "It's all my fault" is another one. I also have what I call the "dark side" too. Moods are the hardest, another saying is "Three steps forward and two back" but at least I'm one step in the right direction.

I think it's down to the individual to figure out what works for them, I don't believe there is one remedy, one cure or one little pill that makes everything better.

Please feel free to come here and vent, look for an ear to listen too or a shoulder to cry on, we also have those that give you a kick in the butt when you need it.

 

A hug for you Layla and hugs all round

[joann414]

Hi Layla

 

What Mark said above. Venting here helps a lot, and there's always someone willing to listen and give you the help or encouragement you need.

 

Hugs. Jo Ann

[layla]

Thank you Mak and Jo Ann, it's goot to have a place to vent, I'm sure I'll need it. I agree mark, with the Three steps forward and two steps back, but hey, like you said, at least thats one step in the right direction. I try to pour a lot of what I feel into my writing, which is just another great reason to have found my way here.

[Mark92]

That's good to hear Layla

 

And OMG Jo, I only just noticed your author status *facepalm* what am I like? Don't answer that Congratulations!!! off to have a look now

[harcallard]

hi Layla

 

Welcome to the Forum..... hugs

[layla]

Thank you

[Mark92]

Hi all

Well, it's 8:52am on a Sunday morning, and I'm sat here with five minutes to spare. Not twiddling with anything

Just wondering how everyone is? Have you made progress? slumped behind? Or a mixture of the two? Mine is always a mixture, some things make my heart soar, my eyes sparkle and my laughter is genuine, at other times I have a hard time convincing Stuby I'm okay.

Being with Stuby helps, being with you guys, helps, and my studying helps. My shrink? Not so much so, and I am so glad I'm not on meds to keep me up. Though I do understand for some it is a matter of survival.

So I ask again, how are you all? and I genuinly mean it

 

Hugs all round

[layla]

The last couple weeks have been really good ones. Between learning Flash, which has been frustrating but fun and lets me create, all the writing i've done, and the martial arts (I train in Tae Kwon Do and Jujitzu) I've been able to keep busy, which is always a good thing for me. I constantly remind myself that the busier I am the less time I have to brood and pick on myself. I know I'm in a better place with that than I was last year, so I'll definately call it progress.

[comicfan]

Hi All,

 

Been busy as hell lately with work. So much time spent doing things to keep busy. Funny we are entering into what should be one of the happiest times of the year but not sure I how I feel about it.

 

I'm not happy and not sad. I'm just sort of blah about everything. I have finished 95% of my Christmas shopping already but still can't get myself into the mood. Working retail at the return desk isn't helping matters much. Forgive me if I ramble here a bit. I have worked 36 hours in three days. Yeah I am a bit shot. Things I usually stay on top of are slipping away from me and to be honest I'm not sure I care.

 

Apathy. That is what I am feeling in a nut shell. Not happy, not sad, just sort of numb to it all.

 

Funny part is I am writing out cards and trying to smile but not sure it is working.

 

Sorry gang. Just needed an outlet. I think the strain of caring for someone who is about to go into the hospital again for surgery, being alone, and just trying to keep my own sanity is getting to me. However I push on even if I am not sure why at the moment. Guess I am just too stubborn.

[Breeze]

I feel for you Comicfan. I worked in retail for years and as the years went on I was completely ambivilant about Xmas. But I just kept doing the good things too. Fake it til you make it.

This what is so great about this thread, it is a great place to vent, to let it out.

I dont know you that well, but I see the posts and everything an I have such respect for you, you seem like an amazing man.

So hugs Comicfan and take care of yourself.

 

Shelly

[Mark92]

Hey all

 

Good to hear things are improving Layla even if it is slow, it's still progress. Stuby has a black belt, I think it's Karate, I'll get slapped if it isnt LOL

[Mark92]

Unc What can I say? we all tell you off and tell you to take time for you, just wish you'd listen once in a while.

 

I can't say much about your work, I don't know what that feels like, to work for someone else, or that particular job, you say it's gruelling and I believe you.

I do know about caring for someone though. My mum was bed ridden for two years, and I couldn't get her a doctor or anywhere near a hospital, she wouldn't have any of it. It is all strain and stress and Christmas has it's own stresses too, I'm learning that much.

We are here for you Unc, so vent, scream or dance the Fandango, this is the place to do it. Be well Unc

 

Hey Breeze Thanks for stopping by

Extra support always helps, and like you I look in all the time, but don't always comment.

Thanks again

[joann414]

Hi guys,

 

Other than feeling like I have weathered a storm, no major damage, I am fine. LOL. Family visitors make you feel that way sometimes. Had a few tense moments, but I refused to let it get to me. Once, I mixed a drink, and went to my room with my laptop for about an hour until I felt back in control. I did not even freak when I had eight staying one night, and only four beds. They made it though and I did not even stress about it.

 

Missed GA a lot, had trouble getting into chat, guess my internet hated me those two nights. Glad that everyone seems to have weathered the holiday as well.

 

Wayne, rest a little between these two holidays. Doing for other people is great, but look after yourself also. Listen to Mark. He is so a wiseass for his age. OOPs, I mease wise person for his age. ( not really ) lol

 

Couldn's resist Mark. You know I love you!!!

 

Layla, glad you are better and it's great to see you Breeze. Har, behave yourself and stay strong. Hugs to all.

[harcallard]

I hope every one had a great holiday? I have had better to say the least.. This last month I have felt like I have been on a roller coaster.. Work had been long and somewhat stressful. My relationship with my Bf has been better... we seem to be at a stand still in our relationship.. we haven't been able to do anything else but argue for the last two weeks and it has really brought me down. So, as of yesterday, we are on a break as he called it. So I have no idea if this is meant to give us some space or this means that we are no longer together. We haven't spoken since yesterday which is not par for the course...I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me, because it has. I have to agree with what Comicfan said.. I am more numb lately than anything else...I haven answered my phones msgs or texts.. I really don't feel like talking to anyone. I wouldn't say anything to anyone at work, but its a big part of my job to deal with the public. I have come home from work and done nothing but read a book... I feel like crawling into and sitting in a big hole.

 

I dont mean to bring anyone down. This is how I am feeling at the moment...

 

I hope you all have a great day and a great week ahead

 

Harc

[Conner]

Numbing-out is not a bad thing. I do it all the time. Like a lot of things, it's a coping mechanism. If it helps you get through your day, more power to you.

[joann414]

Well guys, i am here, as a depressed person, finally it hit me person, want to punch walls person.

 

I try to get through the holidays with good memories, but when I get alone, I let happy, but melancholy memories take over. My Dad was my heart. I can still hear his voice when I think of holidays. He loved them so much, and I know that is where I got my love of the holidays.

 

He never got tired of the wonderful kitchen odors, and more than that, he relished in all of my and my siblings happiness. He encouraged my mom to cook everyone's favorite dishes, and he would come in from work, shower, and join in the cooking during the week before the holiday.

 

His empolyees would come by the house for Christmas cheer, and he welcomed all. Wish more could be like him. He was an icon in my eyes. People were people, and he judged none.

 

My favorite memory of all time of my dad was when I was around ten years old. We went to spend Christmas with his brother (my uncle in Louisiana). Christmas Eve, after they had settled all of us kids into bed, and my mom and aunt had retired out of exhaustion, i heard my dad and uncle open the back door of the house. I get up about twenty minutes later and go into the kitchen where they are. My dad pats the bench beside him for me to sit.

 

A hobo had knocked on the door asking for food. My dad and uncle let him in, fed him out of the Christmas dinner for the next day, and made sure he had a little money and food. I watched, not in fear , but in awe.

 

You wonder why I am sad? there is none of this generosity in the world much anymore. These memories makes my life worthwhile.

 

If you wonder why I posted this. It is to say, depression is not always an illness, it is the wish that there was more goodness in the world.

 

Hugs guys.

[layla]

Hugs back . I wish there was more goodness and kindness in the world as well. For whatever reason, people seem to have forgotten what it's like to be descent to one another, even at a very young age. I teach a children's martial arts class after school twice a week, and it is disheartening at times to have my students come in and talk about having been bullied in school and picked on over and over. We teach the kids in our classes about respect, about treating others how they would wish to be treated, and standing up for themselves and what they believe in by being the bigger person and walking away when they need to, or standing beside a friend and backing them up even when others are being cruel, and I just wish that more kids and the adults who don't seem willing to adress the behaviors of these bullies, would take a moment and think about the fact that not addressing it isn't just hurting the kid being bullied, its hurting the bully as well.

[Mark92]

Hey guys So sorry I'm all out of likes, but I'll catch up when I can.

 

Tim, all I can say is try to stay strong We are all hear to listen whenever you feel ready to let off some steam. Time does heal they say. So, wishing you well

 

Conner, thanks for the words of support, we all need them from time to time

 

Jo, I really wish I could help you more, since you joined here you have become a big part of GA and you have many fans and followers. I was told I was weird and talked bull shit, because I care. That hurt me more than a slap in the face. Just because I was brought up in a different world to many of those here, shouldn't mean I'm odd and think differently. The influences you grow up with, and those that are around you, become a part of you. All my influences were 41+ in age, so I learned respect and manners, and not always the easy way.

Many parents don't teach these skills anymore, things arn't past down and discipline? forget it, there doesn't seem to be any. But we are all here for you and feel for you Jo

 

Layla, all that is so true, it seems to me that so many just don't seem to care anymore. Try to keep smiling

 

Hugs all round