Being best man at the wedding of the dude you're in love with

[RyanWhite]

Happened to one of my friends yesterday. He was so in love with this dude, still is infact. He could never tell them his true feelings for fear of losing his friendship. Can you imagine what he must have gone through?? I just hope it never happens to me...

[Menace]

Still only 16 <3 prolly wont experience it yet~.....

[Benji]

Happened to one of my friends yesterday. He was so in love with this dude, still is infact. He could never tell them his true feelings for fear of losing his friendship. Can you imagine what he must have gone through?? I just hope it never happens to me...

 

........ This is sad, but did his BF even know his best man was gay? If he did then the best man knew he was on a losing proposition as his BF married a woman. If he didn't know, then the Best man put his fears in front of his interests and should have come out to him earlier.

[Krista]

It's just something he should have gotten himself to admit and to get over long before this point ever happened. Feelings can be changed, but you have to be willing to stop and reevaluate those feelings before you can. He never told the guy, never let the guy know how he felt romantically. There were just too many unrequited feelings bottled up inside - that - if he faced them or told the guy, would have been released. It's not easy to do when you're afraid of losing the friend and the relationship as is - especially when you know that it won't get better with him being in love with and marrying someone else.

 

You have to take measures to protect your own happiness sometimes though.

[The_Round_One]

It's a lot easier to say than to do, folks. I spent my junior year in college living with a man I lusted after and possibly loved (not sure anymore on that part) in a one bedroom apartment. It was sheer torture, especially when he got a girlfriend and would describe their relations rather graphically. Perhaps it's easier these days, but certainly it wasn't easy to "tell" someone 25 years ago. I know, to some degree, how that poor fellow felt and feel for him. As for protecting yourself...there's a reason that the old expression runs "love is blind."

[Ashi]

Easiest way to end this misery is tell your friend to take a nose dive and end the friendship.... Having a crush on a straight friend can never have a happy ending....

[Krista]

How do you know it would end the friendship? There had to be a close bond there if he wanted the guy for his best man at the wedding. Saying, hey, "I've had a crush on you forever, she's a lucky lady, and I'll shave her head if she ever hurts you.." or something along those lines. But on the other hand, there is no point at this time FOR him to say anything - he missed his chance. It should have happened when the feelings became a stronger/unbearable.

 

I realize not everyone is as outspoken or brazen as I am (understatement of the century?) *Glares at anyone who even THINKS about commenting on that*

 

But if something is eating away at you, you need to say something or it gets worse. It would be inappropriate, I think, for him to say anything about it now. Maybe 10 or so years down the road when the hilarity of it might arise from the entire situation.

[methodwriter85]

See, in my case, I've had more than my fair share of crushes on straight guy friends, but in the end those feelings have faded out- mainly because I think that unrequited crushes, strong as they may be, are not a relationship and not based on a solid foundation as an actual relationship grounded in romantic love would be. So I can't imagine what that would be like.

 

I mean, it is possible something could have happened(Adam Phillips has been writing for almost 10 years about straight guys having some quirks between what the body wants and what the heart loves), but Krista's right- the chance for anything to happen has passed. He's married, and if something happened now, would he really want to be the guy who chases after married men?

[Canuk]

many years ago i had a severe crush on a married straight man, i eventually sort of got over it. then a couple of years after i last saw him, i heard that he had left his wife and come out as a gay man.....

 

bit of a bugger really, in the scheme of things!

[uglyprettyface]

I'm going through a very similar thing right now, watching my best friend fall in love with a boy as realize just how much I love her now and I always have. I don't want to ruin my friendship and each day I find myself trying to convince myself that all I really want/need is her friendship.

[Zachary McGinness]

Man that's rough.