Iso Editor & Beta - Sci-Fi Romance - 30K+ (One-Timer)

[metajinx]

I am looking for a Beta-Reader and an Editor for a Sci-Fi/Alien Romance story. I've worked with Editors before and I'm very easy-going (I think). I also don't need all that much work done, mostly a bit of help with wording and phrasing (German mind does not compute English sentence structure all that well), and my arch-nemesis, the correct placement of those devil-spawn commas.

I do expect you to tell me if a scene is boring, or too long-winded, or simply sucks. I can handle it, promise. I don't expect you to tell me how to change it in detail and write those changes for me, so it's more of a "*points* There. That stinks!" kind of deal.

I'd like to keep a bit of personal writing style in this one, so I don't want to conform to each and every rule of correct formatting. Yes, I've put ellipses in there. I like ellipses, I'm sorry. No I'm not, I really like them!

 

This story is mostly plot-driven and written as a first-person narrative. It's a mixture of violence, humor and narration of personal experiences, and a bit dark with chances of sunshine here and there. I'd have to say, my poor protagonist has a morbid sense of optimism to him, so it's a bit more upbeat than my usual stories.

But HAH! Disclaimer: Casual use of strong language!

 

Word count is 27k and change right now, but there's a bit more to come. Each "chapter" is about 2,000 to 3,000 words. I'm about 2/3 done with the whole thing, but I do want to finish it before I start editing around, so this isn't all that urgent. If you are interested, I'd send you the first chapter and we could find out if my style of writing doesn't bore you out of your mind.

 

If you decide you'd like to edit for me (which would result in my eternal love for you), I'd like to stick with what I know-- MS Word with comments and changes marked for me to drool over. I'm open to using Google Drive, since it offers a suggestions-function that works just the same and would enable us to go over the chapters multiple times, but it isn't necessary. Open Office should work just as well, I've still got it lying around somewhere.

 

Now, let's see what this is about! Snippet incoming!

 

***

 

As I made my way through the ship, I had to change course on many occasions. Fires were burning everywhere, gas tubes had blown and somewhere below, plasma was leaking out of one of the containment fields, burning a hole through solid metal floors and spewing poisonous fumes that almost blinded me. Once I almost ran into a group of five security guards carrying a dead Dr. Huzden. They probably didn’t know she was dead, but I heard her heart stutter and stop, just as they passed by my hiding spot.
I didn’t know how to feel about her death, but on the other hand, I didn’t know what I felt in a more general sense. Shock obviously wasn’t limited to a human physiology.
It took me a while to find crew quarters, as most of them had been on the lower levels and those had been flattened on impact. I finally got lucky on the farthest back area of my level and I would have walked right by it, had it not been for the person screaming for help behind the crooked door. Crouching in front of the dented metal, I listened to the female voice getting weaker and weaker, trying to decide if I cared enough to help or if I should go forage for goods somewhere else. I must have moved too much, though, because the woman fell silent for a moment, gasping with shock.
“You! Hey, you! Please, I’m stuck!” she called. I watched her arm through a small gap in the metal casing, grabbing around for something and finding a broken chair leg. “Can you hear me? Hey!” she screamed louder and banged the chair leg against the wall next to her. It made an annoying, hollow noise that went right through my bones. Damn that she-devil.
A growl trickled out of my throat. I really didn’t want to help anyone responsible for tormenting me, and everyone on this ship was guilty to an extent, but as much as I would have liked to be a cold-hearted bastard, I just didn’t have it in me to leave her like that. Furthermore, they probably would have left me, had I not managed to free myself, and I really didn’t want to risk ‘being like them’.
The door was heavy and stuck, bent out of shape as it was. I had to throw my whole meager weight against it, jam my body into the increasing gap and push with all my might to get it to open far enough. The exertion made my chest bleed in earnest and the increasing heat had me dizzy by the time I stumbled inside, but the lady was worse off.
As soon as the female officer, because that was what her uniform told me, saw me, she screamed with fear and tried to crawl away. Unfortunately, a big piece of divider wall had fallen over and was crushing her leg almost up to the hip, pinning her where she was.
Her behavior hurt me almost as much as the cutting and slicing had.
“Yeah, scream all you want, bitch. Do you see anyone else volunteering to help you? Eh? Because I surely don’t,” I sneered, baring my fangs at her. I should have left her there to rot, taken what I needed and left, but she stopped screaming and gaped at me as soon as I started talking. I just want out, goddamnit, why can’t I just leave and be done with this?
“It’s—” she gasped, staring teary-eyed at me, “it’s you, the— the mutant guy! How—, how are you able to talk? They said you weren’t sentient anymore, they said—” Her face contorted in pain and that was all she said. Her last word was more of a sigh and she lost consciousness, leaving me to literally pick up the pieces alone.
I didn’t want to lose any more time, but I had already decided that I wouldn’t let her die like this. It took a bit of fumbling, sweating and bleeding, but I finally managed to shift the piece of wall off her with a metal pole I tugged from one of the door frames. Her leg was utterly crushed, so I also did my best to stop the bleeding and wrap her leg in what I assumed would suffice as a splint. And then I raided her wardrobe, availing myself of her clothes like a thieving magpie. I also helped myself to a knife I found in her desk, and I stole her flashlight.
Finally, and at this point I was almost out of her quarters, I decided to turn around just once more and pulled her out into the corridor. Wouldn’t help to half-save her and then have her starve to death because she was overlooked, now, would it?

[Puppilull]

Hi! 

 

I really like your other stories and would love to work with you. Since I'm not native English speaking, I'm afraid I probably won't be able to help you with the finer points of the English language, but I might be a decent Beta at least. Perhaps give some suggestions on editing.

 

So if you think I might be what you need, let me know!