Editor and Beta?

[BDANR]

Hello all,

 

There are two short stories I finished writing and I'm hoping to have someone read through one or both, and offer comments on what I can do to maybe improve my story. I'm also not the greatest at grammar, and it would be great to have someone help me edit my piece/s as well.

 

Story 1: The Night After (1400 words)

A story about a man who has a one night stand with a man he didn't know. Lesson: You never know who you're taking to bed with you. Themes: Shame, Race, Alcohol.

 

Snippet: "You hailed us a cab. You fondled me in the back seat and I couldn’t help but notice the driver glancing at us through the rearview mirror. I was self conscious. You nibbling on my neck gave me chills. I giggled, avoiding the driver’s eyes.

 

You took us to your place, paid the cab driver, and took us inside your home: a two story tan-colored home on the corner of 18th and Spruce. You took us to through the back door and I asked why not the front? You didn’t answer."

 

Note: Includes graphic sexual content

 

Story 2: The Conversation (2000 words)

Two friends get together for a college reunion, recalling their old college days. But when an earth shattering secret is revealed, their friendships will be tested in a way neither saw coming.

 

Snippet: 

“Uh, I don’t think you met Jamal yet. Jamal’s cool though, he was president of the Black Student Union, if you remember him. But man, guess who I got to come through? Our old boy, Xavier!” Jordan felt his mouth go dry. He forced a cough and tried concentrating back to the road.

“Xavier huh?”

“Yeah, ain’t that crazy? We used to do some mad partying at Campbell U together. Remember Cory, Xavier, you and I used to hit up the bars and clubs? Xavier always found a dude to hook up with. Tim was telling me Xavier’s still the player, picking up dudes left and right. It’s gonna be good to see him again...He said he’ll be there.” Damien rested his head on his hand, relaxing and reminiscing of the old days. Jordan, however, felt a panic well up in him.

 

Note: Includes a description of sexual assault.

 

Hope to hear from one or some of you soon,

- Bryant

Edited July 29, 2017 by BDANR

[Will Hawkins]

I am going to recommend a free program available on line: its name is Grammarly.com and it sort of hangs around in the background until it detects an error in spelling, punctuation or word usage (using the wrong case of pronouns for example) then it puts a red underline under the error and when you click on the underline, allows you to select from a list of alternatives. One difficulty I have had with it is that I do some of my writing in accents, "Southern Backwoods Cracker" is an example and that drives Grammarly up the wall, however, it always offers me the alternative to "ignore" which I do when writing in an accent. If your writing is grammatically perfect, the only way you know it is operating is a small circle showing in the lower right-hand corner of your screen that remains green as long as everything is alright but turns red when it detects an error. As an example, I just put a comma after the word "alright" in the last sentence, but Grammarly told me that no comma was needed there, so I went back and took it out by clicking on the note the program posted just under that point.

 

Now Grammarly does NOT do anything for creativity, nor does it give you ideas about plot lines, but it does help clean up your work gently and completely. One more point, I use MS Word for my writing and a MacBook, so I have never tried Grammarly with any other combination, you are on your own with other word processors and laptops. Good Luck with your writing.

Misterwill

[BDANR]

6 hours ago, mister will said:

I am going to recommend a free program available on line: its name is Grammarly.com and it sort of hangs around in the background until it detects an error in spelling, punctuation or word usage (using the wrong case of pronouns for example) then it puts a red underline under the error and when you click on the underline, allows you to select from a list of alternatives. One difficulty I have had with it is that I do some of my writing in accents, "Southern Backwoods Cracker" is an example and that drives Grammarly up the wall, however, it always offers me the alternative to "ignore" which I do when writing in an accent. If your writing is grammatically perfect, the only way you know it is operating is a small circle showing in the lower right-hand corner of your screen that remains green as long as everything is alright but turns red when it detects an error. As an example, I just put a comma after the word "alright" in the last sentence, but Grammarly told me that no comma was needed there, so I went back and took it out by clicking on the note the program posted just under that point.

 

Now Grammarly does NOT do anything for creativity, nor does it give you ideas about plot lines, but it does help clean up your work gently and completely. One more point, I use MS Word for my writing and a MacBook, so I have never tried Grammarly with any other combination, you are on your own with other word processors and laptops. Good Luck with your writing.

Misterwill

Thank you MisterWill! I've seen commercials to it, but I wasn't sure if it was the real deal. Thanks for the recommendation :D!