Need advice

[Tyler anderson]

Ok so I'm 19 years old and not sure yet if I'm straight, gay, or bi. But I would like to know what you all think of this story. I'll start by saying that back in high school, my junior year, my best friend and I went to Mexico for spring break. I went with his family. I had a girlfriend at a time, but he didn't. Anyway we were both looking to have a good time and possibly hook up with some girls. It was just me, him, and his parents. We stayed at a resort and we had our own room and his parents had their own room. We have been best friends for a long time and were very comfortable with each other so we didn't mind that his parents got us a room with only one bed. We had seen each other naked often and were comfortable with that so we didn't mind changing in front of each other either. Anyways, on the third night of the trip we both got really drunk and when we got back to our room we were wrestling around with each other which we always did and when we were finished my friend asked if I wanted to watch some porn that he had downloaded on his lap top. (We actually did this pretty often) and we were used to jacking off together and didn't really think anything of it. That night, though, when we were jacking off next to each other I asked if he wanted to try jacking each other off. We were both drunk and horny so he said yes. After a while he asked if I wanted to give him head and I hesitated at first and told him he couldn't tell anyone but decided to do it. He asked me if I watched gay porn and I said yes and he said he did too. We ended up showering together and finishing each other up in the shower. We then both slept naked in our one bed. We didnt kiss or cuddle or anything. The next morning we both were filled with regret and decided not to do it again. About a year later though I asked him "you wanna do what we did in Mexico again?" And he said "I've been thinking about it too" so we did it again. This happened a few more times over the rest of high school and once when I was visiting him in college. the last time was when I visited him in college and we went further than we ever have (he asked me to give him a rim job and I did) and he finished in my mouth. I also tried to have sex with him but he said it hurt so I stopped. Since then though he says he never wants to do it again and now has a girlfriend. He claims to be straight, but I'm not sure. My questions are whether 1) is he gay/ bi? 2) should I ask him to do it again? 3) is it cheating if we do do it again? And 4) does he really not want to do it again? Or is he just embarrassed that he did it? 

[Freerider]

You are not going to find the answers here. All you can get here are opinions. And you know what they say about those...

[Reader1810]

Hi @Tyler anderson

 

The chat forums don’t get as much traffic as the Lounge, so I’m going to move your topic to that forum. 

 

There are a lot of wise and wonderful people on GA. Even if they can only offer their opinion, have a listen, you may find their opinions quite insightful. 

 

Edited December 28, 2017 by Reader1810

[Cia]

Sexuality is rarely black and white for every person, and it sounds like you don't really know where you fall on the spectrum either. Most people are shades of gray. They may find someone of the same sex attractive mentally, or react physically, or explore things physically... but that doesn't mean they're "gay". Taking part in sexual activity doesn't mean you have to be one thing or another, and labels rarely make a person happy because then you try to fit yourself into one thing, which may not be who you truly are or the type of relationship that will make you happy in the end. I think it's more important to focus on finding a person that turns you on mentally and physically (and you do the same for them) than to focus on the gender. Exploring what turns you on is a natural part of finding out who you are and what you want in a partner in life, but don't limit yourself (or him) just because of something you've done in the past that might not be what you want long-term or in the future. 

 

Oh, and if someone is in a relationship that isn't open, asking them to have sex with you (in any form) would mean they're cheating if they agree. That's more about integrity than sexuality. If your friend says he didn't want to have sex with you again, then pressuring him is unlikely to be helpful to his mental state and happiness. You're more likely going to lose a friend than gain a romantic relationship. 

[Ron]

13 hours ago, Tyler anderson said:

My questions are whether 1) is he gay/ bi? 2) should I ask him to do it again? 3) is it cheating if we do do it again? And 4) does he really not want to do it again? Or is he just embarrassed that he did it?

I’ve thought about your questions and these are my suggestions.

 

#1.) Like you he is most likely just as uncertain of his sexuality as you are. There isn’t any point in attaching labels.

#2.) He said he doesn’t want to do it again, you should take him at his word. Leave well enough alone.

#3.) If you’re in a committed relationship and you step-out without consent you are generally considered a cheater.

#4.) My answer to #2 above works equally well for this two-part question. 

 

You’ve been friends long enough to call him your best friend, Tyler and it sounds like you still remain friends. Can’t that be enough for you?