[Dezlboi] Spinning (Caution! Possible spoilers!)

[Davey]

Ok so I've just finished reading the two posted chapters of this new story. I have to say I'm impressed!

I like the way Jeff's character is being developed. I see him as a young man thats terrified of social situations, yet craves the contact from them. I think you can see this in the way he tries his best to distance himself at first from Ben. Yet he's struggling with himself. He really wants the friendship that Ben's offering.

 

The way their relationship has been developed is perfect. Jeff is trying really hard to be comfortable with Ben. I think Ben is also trying to make Jeff feel comfortable around him. Im curious as to what's going on in Ben's head though as at the end of the chapter he basically rejects Jeff and runs after having given him mixed signals everytime theve been together...

 

How will Jeff react to this? I don't know, but I want to! So come on Dez I'm depending on you to show me!

 

Great work!

 

Thank you

 

Dave

[Boy In Doubt]

I haven't read the second chapter yet but I agree, this is a good story. I like the way Ben follows Jeff around despite the other guy's efforts to stay away from him. And he has a great writing style.

[Dezlboi]

 

 

 

OK, I'm new to this whole "post something and have a million cool people give you feedback" thing, so lemme blush again for a few more minutes.

 

.....

 

OK, better. So, guys...thank you VERY much for the feedback. Now, tell me what you DIDN'T like so I can get better at this whole writing deal, eh?

 

Thanks again, hehe.

 

-Dez

[Boy In Doubt]

Chapter 2 was great. The ending kinda sucks, in a good way. Hehe, is that even possible? I just mean that you know, with Jeff and Ben and...you know, the ending. I wanna know what happens next.

 

By the way, Dezlboi, is that Naruto in your avatar pic?

[Dezlboi]

Thanks, man.

 

My avatar is Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist.

 

 

And yes, it is possible that something can really suck, in a good way. Or did you mean "is that even possible" that it could happen in real life? Because yes. It did.

 

-Dez

[Boy In Doubt]

Cool picture.

 

About the story thing, it does suck if it happened in real life. I know I'd be miserable if a guy runs away from me after I make an attempt to ask him out. But the story's great. I bet it's gonna get even more interesting by the next chapter.

[Camy]

I've found some excellent authors lurking in efiction and Dezlboi is one of them.

 

Spinning is ... well just go and read it. Otherwise I'll start to gush and wax lyrical, and you really don't want that.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=122

 

Camy

[AudioAl]

Chapter 3 is out? WOO HOO!

 

I read the first two chapters a while ago and have been eagerly awaiting more.

 

Good story so far. Great writing, Dezlboi. When it comes to storytelling, you've definitely got "it".

 

Hope yer already "crafting" Chapter 4. Don't make us wait too long.

 

Al

[Formosa]

(spoiler warning! Don't read until you've read Spinning)

 

It's a really great story, and can't wait for more. The "I" pulled me in from the beginning, like he's someone you know already and want to know more about because of the effectively way his clever thoughts, ramblings and life are revealed gradually. You really sympathise with him, his "self-imposed isolation", and hope he'll find something, or someone, he's been yearning for for a long time soon. And the descriptions of the surroundings are really beautifully done.

 

Hm, there's definitely something about this Josh, something which seems to suggest he's more than "fortune cookie boy" or a guru on relationships and love. And that description of Josh in the third person probably adds to this suggestion.

It's bitter-sweet to read the exchange between Jeff and Josh, it's like their talking about themselves, and sort of foreshadowing their relationship to come. And then there's the way Jeff looked at Josh, noticing the smallest details. But of course this is just speculation.

 

In any case, I hope we readers are in for a good... ride

 

Dezlboi also wrote another amazing piece called The Boy--definitely worth the effort to read!

[Dezlboi]

You guys...I really don't know what to say.

 

Well, how about "thank you" for starters.

 

So you didn't feel that Josh was "over the top"? I didn't want him to completely overshadow the two main characters (ok, well, one, and a half) I had been working with so far. And Josh had a rather lot of "baggage".

 

Thanks again, really, for reading.

 

-Dez

[AFriendlyFace]

I really enjoyed the first three chapters! I'm looking forward to finding out if Ben and Jeff end up together or if perhaps Ben really is straight. My guess is that he's either "confused" or just plan scared for some unknown reason. Josh definitely seems like he's going to be a major character. I was thinking perhaps he'd even end up being the boyfriend and Ben would be the friend. However, I still think it's more likely the other way around.

 

Anyway I'm looking forward to reading more!

Take care and have a greaty day!

Kevin

 

Edit: I merged the two "Spinning" threads

Edited September 7, 2006 by AFriendlyFace

[jalaki]

Well, well, well...about time I get around to this, eh? So yeah....quite wonderful, Dezlboi, and I must first ask for more, 'cuz you evil man, leaving us like that....tsk tsk! I love it I wouldn't say Josh is too "over the top" - if anything, he's my hero So I certainly hope he'll continue to be a major figure in this whether or not Jeff ends up with him.

 

And I do wanna know what the heck was up with Ben (that whole situation sounded pretty familiar, I wonder why ) and see what the deal was all about...at least, story-wise, heh. So yeah, good work, now let's see more

[writeincode]

Need more. I'm not addicted...

[Dezlboi]

LOL. I'll do what I can, now that my hackjob of an Anthology entry is done...

 

Thanks for reading.

 

-Dez

[corvus]

From now on the author had better make sure he includes me in his whole fanbase-of-three-ness. I just finished reading what there is of 'Spinning,' and it's great. Really. Besides the fact that this tale involves, refreshingly, *college* students (and not high schoolers...), the characterisations are fresh, the voice is clear, and the story compelling.

 

So the question is -- what's up with Ben? and Josh? (who actually sounds a lot hotter than Ben -- yes, I know: lean, scarred, mysterious, Spartan). I want to know! Glacial pace is fine, as long as it's faster than 1 chapter a month.