Wayne,
Couple over all thoughts - sorry these won't be all 'this was great'.
First and perhaps most important this was an entertaining read, light, imaginative, different, which is what folks read for - to be entertained.
Now I know this isn't your most perfected story, but what I kept looking for but never really found was character development. I never got a good feel for Nock or Lone. You gave us a sense of both, but nothing griping. Sure this was a short story, but little things would have helped - quirks, likes, dislikes, that sort of stuff that is easy to insert. Same for Lone.
I get the focus was on the story, I do and you did that well. There wasn't much in the way of useless information that bogged down the story, and the flow and pacing were good, so this isn't a - 'this sucked' kinda review. Just something I noticed when reading.
Andy