AFriendlyFace

aww thanks Luigi! I guess you're right. Sometimes it just seems like I'm wasting my time though. Thanks for the perspective though I'll try for now **Hops away** Have an awesome day! Kevin

Thanks Sharon, I know you're right and that does pretty well describe how I feel. Most of the time I feel extremely pleased with my life. But sometimes I wonder what's missing. You're definitely right though, the mood does pass, and I don't think I would change much from my past. Thanks for the encouraging words! Take care and have an awesome day! Kevin

Grrr Matt! LOL I should learn to keep my mouth shut! You'd better! Who else is gonna help me find my way out of the park! Just be sure to bring the boyfriend when ya come have an awesome day, dude! Kevin

So this won't be a particularly cheerful entry just to let everyone know. I went to Wal-Mart the other night. Everytime I go I check in the music department for this cd, but they never have it. They didn't this time either. However, on the way out I saw The Fray cd. So I bought it on an impulse. I'd really liked "over my head", of course I'd already downloaded it, but the trouble with that is you don't get to hear the less popular, unreleased songs, and sometimes those are the best (like this time ). So anyway I'm driving home and this one song came on and it was like WOW. I mean it could have been written about/for me. It described exactly how I feel: "Heaven Forbid" Twenty years, it's breaking you down now that you understand there's no one around Take a breath, just take a seat your falling apart and tearing at the seems Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright It's on your face, is it on your mind would you care to build a house of your own How much longer, how long can you wait It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright It feels good (Is that reason enough for you) It feels good (Is that reason enough for you) It feels good (Is that reason enough for you) It feels good (Is that reason enough for you) Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright Out of this one I don't know how to get you out of this one I don't know how to get you out of this one I don't know how to get you out of this one I don't know how to get you out of this one I was going to bold the parts that were particularly relevant, but it's like the whole thing is particularly relevant. I mean I'm happy, I really am....just not always. It's funny too, it's always at the weirdest times. Like it was actually the night before I bought the cd, and I was suddenly feeling down and lonely, and I tried to shake myself out of it, remind myself I was being irrational. I mean just the night before that I went to that party and had a great time then went out with my friends. Yes, my new friends. I mean okay we're not that close yet, but they're definitely my friends and everything's going fine. Also at that party (which I'm really going to blog about eventually), I was talking to my upstares neighbour and I mean it's like I'm sorta even making a connection right here, right next door. Plus I'd just gotten off line and finished talking to a few other really nifty people ( ). So I don't know why I was suddenly all lonely and emotional, but I couldn't talk myself out of it, and the really amazing coincidence is that I finally gave up and reminded myself, "don't worry, you'll be fine. It won't hurt in the morning." I mean heck that's practically, "Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright" . Of course I know why I couldn't talk myself out of the loneliness the other night. Why it didn't matter that I'd just spent time with friends. Obviously it's because I'm looking for something beyond platonic. I mean Heaven forbid I end up alone. This part struck me ALOT too: It's on your face, is it on your mind would you care to build a house of your own How much longer, how long can you wait It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away It's so messed up though. I mean I've always been a firm believer in, "if you can't be happy by yourself you can't be happy with someone else.", and all the many derivatives like "you have to love yourself first" etc. Well I mean I do love myself. I'm one of my favourite people! Yay me! And I am happy by myself (at least 95% of the time). But I guess there's still that something missing. I mean just because I can be okay on my own and happy doesn't mean it's my first choice....well sometimes it's my first choice, I can't say I regret the time I've spent single. Freedom is nice and I've had fun, but I guess it's "getting old"....or maybe it's me that's getting old(er). I have to admit I often think, "well if you don't find someone permanent in the next few years it'll be harder". I mean, I like the way I look right now (I guess there's no way to say that and not sound self-involved so screw it). I'd like for the person I end up with to at least get to be with me while I'm at my best. I know it's not impossible to find true love later in life, I know it's probably not even unlikely if you go about it right, but...well it's like a quote from another song I like, this one by Eve 6 called Good Lives : Good lives are gold, like the oldest story Will mine be told while im still young and horney (great now I sound shallow and sex-obsessed). But it's true, I would like my story to be told while I'm still young and horney. Not just horney, but engergetic in general. I'd like to run around, play games, travel, climb stuff etc with my soulmate . And I know I can still do that stuff with him when I'm in my 40s or 50s +, but we won't feel like it as much, we'll need to rest longer in between, that might be about ALL we do that day etc. And I can (and do) do that stuff now by myself or with friends, but it's not the same. Heck it's even my mind as well. I mean my mom and grandpa for example have better short term memories than I do. So yeah obviously older people can stay very sharp, but the key part of the phrase is "than I do". I'm already extremely absent-minded and scattered. The sad truth is it'll probably only get worse the older I get. I'd like to meet my future husband (I still don't particularly like that word, but it's just word, I know I want to get to married...I guess I just feel like it's supposed to be me that's the husband ) while I'm still able to remember his name! "ohh you look familar", "yes sweety, we got married last month". Anyway I'm being silly, whiney, self-involved, and probably offensive. But "it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to, whine if I want to, you would whine too if it happened to you." (bonus points if anyone can guess what 60s song I modified to serve my purposes ). Anyway I'm done with both my complaining and my singing for the evening. Sorry if I did sadden or offend anyone. Take care and have an awesome day everyone.

Thanks Viv! You're right, and I think way too much, especially about stuff that I can't influence. Thanks Kevin

Awww Vance, that was so awesome to read!! I completely agree with you, and commend your attitude! have a fantastic day! Kevin

LOL! Thanks Nick! I got a big kick out of that. No wonder I didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning...I mean after 20 hypnos I guess that explains why CSPAN was on too Of course not Vic! I'm just going to use him to advance gay rights then dump him for the curly haired guy .....hmmm I wonder if dubya's in the mood for a trip to Europe and a little shopping spree

Thanks Nick! It's a dream come true . Gosh, I didn't know I was such a drunk though ! Lucky for me dubya came to my rescue! HEHEHE I enjoyed that, awesome job ***begins to think of ways to steer the conversation towards gay rights*** Can't miss an opportunity like this! Yay! Mission accomplished LOL leave it to you to point out the negative side, Matt have an awesome day and keep smiling! Kevin

Top 10 Reason Why I want to be in a GA story 1) Any hot guy I fall for will not only be gay but also really into me. 2) It's a given that I'll be: hot intelligent likable and probably possess a really cool special skill, talent, or trait. 3) All my friends are also likely to be unusually attractive, as well as exceedingly loyal, protective and dependable. 4) STDs just aren't an issue for me, regardless of my own promiscuity or sucky circumstances (rape, abuse, cheating lover, etc.), I'll remain completely disease free. 5) Permanent disfigurement and unsightly scars are similarly unlikely. I can be beaten, attacked, deathly sick, or in a serious accident and I'll be good as new before too long. 6) Anyone who seriously dislikes me is likely to end up in one of the following circumstances: horribly screwed over owing me big time for something only I can help him/her with dating me 7) Really terrible and complicated situations or problems really will work out. 8) Sleep and food are both purely recreational and I can indulge in either as much or as little as I please without any practical consequences resulting (except as the occasional plot device). 9) If my own family isn't already unbelievably supportive they will be by the end of the story, or else they'll just have to face replacement by a new and improved "family". And the all time top reason why I want to be in a GA story 10) My creator is an extremely talented person and I'll get to make a positive impact in the lives of thousands of wonderful readers! Hugs to all the authors and readers out there and I hope my little list doesn't offend anyone. Kevin

Woo HOO Happy Birthday Vic!!! I hope you have a really awesome day, and a phenomenal year!! Take Care * , and have fun! Kevin * "Take Care" is a registered trademark of naper_vic

So I had a good time last night, and I'm going to write all about it (in another entry), but first I want to talk about a...well I guess "sad" thought I had in my head for some reason when I woke up. More of a "what could have been" thought. It's funny what's in your head when you wake up. Every now and then I wake up with songs stuck in my head (having a song stuck in my head has never particularly bothered me so it's all good). Sometimes other random feelings or thoughts. Well today for some reason I woke up thinking about my best friend growing up. Well I guess I should explain that when I was a kid I had several "best friends", but he was probably my best "best friend" for several years. Cody was his name (yeah same name as the waiter I mentioned in an earlier entry. I've always liked the name, maybe I'm more inclined to like guys with the name. Possibly even because of him...anyway). We were really close through junior high and high school. In 6th grade we were friends. In 7th grade we were really good friends. In 8th grade he was definitely my best friend. He was probably the first person, whom I wasn't related to, that I (almost) completely trusted. In 7th and 8th grade I had a crush on him. No two ways about that. In fact I imagine that's why we became friends. Oh I had lots of friends I wasn't attracted to, and we clicked pretty well so maybe it would have happened anyway, but truthfully I imagine that had something to do with it. Anyway by the end of 8th grade I'd mostly gotten over those feelings...mostly. It was weird, I mean obviously it's hard to tell and your perception is going to be distorted if you're attracted to someone, but I often felt like maybe, just MAYBE he felt the same way. Of course I later decided that was just wishful thinking. A few odd things happened though. Like the fact that he tried to seduce me the summer between 8th and 9th grade (well I'm sure we wouldn't have "gone all the way", but he had some messing around in mind). I have no doubt that's what he was trying to do, and even then I knew that's what he was trying to do. BUT I didn't go for it, more like jumped up and changed the subject. I think he was hurt, definitely mad and embarrassed. I was just...freaked out. I hadn't really sorted out my sexuality, but I knew he could get me into "trouble" . I dunno on the one hand maybe I was trying to deny my feelings. But I also remember thinking something along the lines of, "no, this'll mean more to me than it will to you". That was the only time anything overt ever happened. I chalked it up to the whole "teenagers experimenting thing". I still do think that, I really do, it's just that now I wonder a bit. He always treated me differently than the rest of our friends. Better. More thoughtfully, more protectively. Still I always thought it was because we were close. It probably was. One time in my junior year of high school I was telling my friend Philip about an argument we'd had the night before. I told him all about how it started when I picked him up, progressed over dinner, and culminated on the way home. When I finished he just looked at me and laughed and said, "Geez, it sounds like you guys are dating". Anyway looking back today with more clarity and perspective, I just couldn't help but wonder a bit. If I had to guess I'd still guess that he was straight. It's just that if he isn't....MAN, did I blow it! Actually I honestly wasn't particularly attracted to him once we got into high school. I no longer had those kinds of feelings for him, and he really was "in the friend zone". But who knows how things could have been different? It could have been good, REALLY good,... theoretically

Thanks Coley!! I did have a great time! I hope you're having an excellent weekend too, Kevin

LOL!

Hey Tim! Well I ended up skipping the walk/run thing. I got home late and I just didn't want to go two days in a row skimping on sleep. Hehe and I think I'll do a blog post about last night's events Take care! Kevin

Hey Luigi! Thanks for the advice, but Grrr I'd already left before I got a chance to read it . I ended up being a bit over-dressed but not too badly. I wore a dressy black button down shirt, untucked (thus no belt ), with my dressiest looking pair of blue jeans (and also one of my tightest pairs...hehehe had to cover my bases ) and my favourite pair of black shoes. ....most people were in jeans and a t-shirt. A few people also had on button down shirts though. Anyway it was really fun! Thanks and take care, Kevin

LOL, Nick, I found that very amusing! As for your other points. I've only been to the story announcement page 3 or 4 times EVER. I was here for months before I knew it exisited. Found it, and discovered I just wasn't that interested in it. I check the author forums and blogs pretty often so I figured I'll find out that way. So anyway I don't have much of an opinion about the story announcement thing. When it comes to the new lay out at the top, I think I agree that it's more confusing, but perhaps it's just because I'm not used to it yet. Anyway have a great day! Kevin

So lest you guys think there's a new guy in my life I'd better reveal now that the he in question is my adorable cat, Timmy. He's out like a light! wiggling his tail, twitching his paws etc. This is the second afternoon in a row he's chosen the same spot to take a very serious nap! It's a bit unfortunate since I'm planning to buy a filing cabinet to go right there, but I'm sure he'll adapt.....actually he'll whine and be upset like he always is . Speaking of a new guy in my life I'm planning to attend this...event tonight. It's pride month, and despite my personal opinions about the whole "pride" thing per se ( Sexuality: I just don't care , 8th paragraph for my precise views on the issue) , I have absolutely no qualms about participating in the social aspects of it. It'll be fun and a great chance to meet new people. Anyway I was checking out this website with a calandar of events and it turns out that tonights there's some poolside cocktail party thing at this swanky hotel. Anyway it sounds fun, admission is only $10 and there's appetizers and an open bar. I'm just a little confused about what to wear. The first place I read about it (I later found another site referring to it when I was searching for more info) made it sound really formal, it even described it as a "black tie event", but it did stress that you were free to come as casually or formally as you pleased. So based on that I was going to dress up alot. Then this last place referred to it as a "casual party", used the word casual several times and never mentioned it being formal at all . So blah, I dunno. Unfortunately there's no number to call so I can't like call and ask. I think I'll try to dress somewhere in the nexus of formal and casual. I mean heck it's a bunch of gay guys they'll probably be more concerned with how I look in the clothes than the clothes themselves anyway .....oh wait that's straight guys about women, gay guys do care about clothes don't they? :wacko: Anyway I guess I'm a bit nervous about it. I'm worried it'll be alot of older guys and I'll look like a silly kid. But it's always fun meeting new people, and I really want to go. So.... I'm also a bit concerned because it'll be kinda late before it's over, plus I'm half thinking of going out afterwards, but there's this 5k walk/run thing that I really want to do! It's also part of the "pride" thing. And I see that maybe being my target demographic. There's even a 20-25 age bracket. But it starts really early Saturday, so it may not be a great idea to stay our really late, then get up early the next day for a 5 mile walk. **sigh** to top it off I forgot to register for it, and no one answered when I called the information number. So I'm sorta just going to have to show up and hope they can get me signed up on the spot. I'm also really tired today anyway, I stayed up WAY too late last night (4:30, and got up at 6:00). It sucked! I'm usually (well lately) good about getting enough sleep too, but last night I just kept getting distracted with stuff. Like you ever decide, "well I'm going to clean up ___", then "well while I'm at it I'll do ___", then "well now I might as well do ___ too". Well that happened to me. But on the plus side I got ALOT done. My washer hose finally showed up yesterday, I've been waiting for it for a long time so I could do some laundry. That's the good news. The bad news is it won't work . At least not by itself. It's a "fill" hose and I need a fill/drain hose. IF I could get a drain hose too, maybe there's some kinda way I could connect them and make it work, but I can't do anything with what I've got now. I thought the part I ordered would be the combo...but no . There's another part in the book, so in a bit I'm gonna call and see if maybe THAT'S the drain hose, and hopefully it'll also come with some kinda kit to connect the two. But actually I'm not too optimistic about this, in fact I'm frickin really mad and frustrated! I'm down to one towel!! ONE TOWEL! How crazy is that??? Even if there is some way to order the part I really do need it'll take a good week (or 2 to 2.5) to get here. I'm just going to have to take my laundry to the wash room GRRRR. I've only used a wash room once and I didn't particularly care for it. Oh well, maybe this time will be better. I'm actually pretty okay with everything but towels. I have such a clothes addiction that I can go a long time before I run out of stuff to wear. In fact I'm positive I could go another 2 and a half weeks easily before I run out of anything else. It's just the towel situation that's dire. Speaking of clothes, belts seem to be my new addiction. It's crazy, last year I had either 2 or 3. This year I have 10. In fact I bought 3 in one day, Wednesday. I love the ones I got though! I can't wait to wear them! I got a pretty good variety too, I got this brown one with metal spikes, this funky black one with like a bunch of colours running through the middle, and this brown leather one with birds and stuff stitched into it....okay so they all sound really weird writing about them, but I really like them! It's very embarrassing though, I feel like I've been way too materialistic lately. Actually this feeling prompted a whole quest for deep introspection and spiritual fulfillment. I spent an entire day last week analyizing all the junk in my head. I started with a nice walk in the park, and wrote some in this notebook I had. Then it started to rain so I went to the aqaurium and wrote ALOT more. I even condensed my results into a blog entry...then I decided not to post it because I was literally talking about my deepest secrets and fears, and all my worst issues and problems...so yeah made me feel a little too vulnerable , but just writing it helped alot. And I'm definitely planning to do it again soon. Mostly the first time I touched on emotional/psychological stuff. I want to do it again and just focus on spirituality. In other news work's going pretty well. At least they tell me it's going pretty well. I'm still doing the training stuff, but I've been getting a bunch of praise and positive attention from the people over me. Well I say the people over me, but it's actually a really weird (to me) situation. Technically I'll be "self-employed", just sort of an independent agent for the company. Basically they'll provide me with materials and "leads" to call, but everything else is completely up to me. There's no salary at all everything is purely commissions, bonuses, and stock in the company. It's a little scary that I could just not make anything, but they keep reinforcing that it all depends on how much time and effort you put in. And actually it really doesn't look that hard, I was a little skeptical but it seems okay. And anyway I can just leave if I don't like it. The nice thing is that apart from meetings on Friday I can do whatever I want the rest of the week (well once training and testing is over that is). They don't care when you work...they don't even really care IF you work, you just won't get paid if you don't . So that's delightfully flexible, and it should fit really nicely with my personal life. If I'm busy with other stuff, but okay for money (which I'm so not right now ....I literally haven't been this broke in the last 5 years) I'll just cut back on working, if I need the cash I can just work extra hard. LOL and the awesome thing is that I can decide what days I want to work. So yay! Once I actually start doing stuff (which will still be another couple of weeks ), I'll let you guys know how it's going. Anyway this is definitely a long enough entry so I'll stop here. I just want to add (HA! you thought I was stopping for real didn't you ), that I'm sorry I haven't been on much and haven't been too active in the forums or blogs, or leaving feedback in the efiction section. Stuff's just been hectic, but I hope to catch up on everything soon. LOL and eventually I want to start going back into chat . Anyway take care everyone and have an awesome day!! Kevin

Hey Viv! That sounds like such an awesome idea about releasing the 20th chapter on the 20th! It's like you're getting all of us a present for your birthday Take care and have an amazing week! Kevin

oh no David! You poor thing. Did you go to the doctor? You should, you never know if perhaps it isn't fractured or something. That's completely understandable, and it's good to work through your feelings, but: Try not to do that. Just let go of the anger; we all know it isn't good for you. It's not going to help the situation, it's not even going to make the person responsible feel any worse, it's just going to hurt you and dampen the time you have remaining. To put a spin a pop culture question: "What would the Dali Lama do?" As far as hit and runs go here's a pretty ironic one. Several years ago I was coming home one night and had car trouble. So I called my mom to come and pick me up. She'd hardly gotten out of the neighbourhood when this car ran a red light, hit her, and kept going. She was fine, but the car was pretty messed up. Plus it was just so ironic that she was coming to get me because my vehicle was out of commission and hers suffered a similar fate in the process. I hope you feel better, take care of yourself. Kevin

I'm sorry, Nick . Sounds like you had a bad day . This is going to sound cheesy, but I always like to remember this quote in times like that: "Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around." Sophia said it in Vanila Sky. Anyway it's really true, whatever is going on with your life, whatever problems you have every passing moment is another chance to turn it around and start making progress to fix it. Similarly even if it's just uncontrollable bad circumstances every passing moment might be the one in which they turn around. Anyway I hope you feel better, take care and let us know what happens with the vacation. Kevin

Happy Birthday Snowy!!!!! You're welcome I hope you have an amazing year, Snowy, Take care! Kevin

Welcome back, Bao . It's great to see you again YUP YUP again.

I'm so glad your day went well, David! LOL I've been wanting to use that title for one of my blog entries for awhile now! LOL but I don't mind that you beat me to it . Anyway good luck with tomorrow, congrats again on your hosting, and I hope you enjoy your restful Wed. and Thurs. Take care! Kevin

I vote for that too! I can't wait to read your new story, Nick! And I love that idea you and Taylor had! Have an awesome day! Kevin