AFriendlyFace

Exactly!

Well I feel like mine has been gradually getting better. I think it comes down to paying attention and knowing what to look for. I think in part ANYONE could do it, I just think it's traditionally something other gay people are more likely to do. I mean if you're gay and especially if you're gay and "looking", you're going to be interested in trying to figure out if this new person might also be gay. Whereas your average straight person probably doesn't really care, and already assumes the person is straight. It's sort of like if you want to figure out if someone is a big music fan (bad example but I'm going to go with it). You'll be looking for specific clothes and styles that might give them away: a T-shirt, wrist band, earring (I've seen someone with a guitar pick on their keys) etc. You'll also be looking for anything in the conversation that might possibly indicate a devotion to music, a musical reference, an analogy (gosh I'm using one of those ), or a general tendency to bring up something related to music. However, someone who isn't much of a music fan, or simply isn't interested in finding out if others are, might not pick up on these things. They might be too focused on whatever their own hobbies or interests are. Another aspect, I think, is a familiarity which makes it easier to know what to look for even with regards to the subtler things. I hate to use this as an example, but I'm sure many people have heard the old stereotypical expression about not being able to describe someone of another race because "they all look the same to me". Assuming for a second that this isn't just a racist remark it could make sense in that the speaker simply hasn't be exposed to many people of that race and isn't able to take note of the subtle distinguishing characteristics (which aren't subtle at all to someone who's always been able to do it). To use myself as an example when I a small child I couldn't tell anyone from other races apart. As I got older I spent more time with race A and had many friends of this race and now I'm good at it, and confident that I can do it. More recently I've been exposed to race B and while I don't feel I have the same level of proficiency with race B that I do with race A or my own race, I feel pretty good about it. Then there's race C, I've known very few people of race C and had no close contact. I'm still poor at distinguishing (but eager and trying) the (to me) subtle differences in appearance. Gay people, typically, spend longer periods of time with other gay people and know more gay people than your typical straight person. Your typical straight person can MAYBE name a few people they know are gay and spend time with regularly, another gay person can often make a list (and for those of you about to say, "not me", being here counts since you're still being exposed to the intricacies of gay culture and personality - and a quick for our straight friends! ). For further example I initially had more contact with lesbians than other gay guys, and I had better "lesbiandar" than "gayguydar". Another aspect is that gay people ofter are trying to figure out if someone else is gay and depending on their perceptions they may respond by doing/saying something subtle which might give the other person a hint (if that person were already looking), that person may respond in kind and before you know it, it escalates and both people are reasonably sure they're dealing with "family". I think this is almost always going on below the level of awareness of the participants though. I don't think either person is consciously trying to give hints, and may not even be consciously looking for them. I just think it naturally happens (in a way similar to body language, people send out cues with their body language that they're unaware of and other people often read these cues without being conscious of the fact that they're even there. You ever just get the feeling someone was nervous? Sad? Scared? Angry? or Lying?). Mostly though I think gaydar just comes down to looking for something and having the experience necessary to recognize it. (but I really do think it's often exaggerated) Anyway just my thoughts, take care and have a great day everyone! Kevin

Happy Birthday Luigi! I hope you have a great day, and a phenomenal year! All the best, Kevin

Oh shucks, I'm late. But anyway: Happy birthday Luc!! I hope you had an awesome day, and may your year be filled with much peace and happiness!

Hey David! I'm glad your day went okay. Personally your dental experience would still have filled me with a deep, consuming dread...but I'm glad you're okay Okay so this is going to sound stupid, but what's the point of PDF? I don't mean for your thesis I mean in general. I HATE it! I HATE Adobe Acrobat reader, I hate the way the document looks in it, the whole program just sucks in my opinion. I just don't get it. Does it serve some actual purpose?? I'm excited to hear that there's going to be an extra chapter of SOOTB, and I'm very excited about the coming chapter of "When I See You Again" ! I can't wait! Have an awesome day, and good luck with Monday! Kevin

Hey Viv! Awesome interview!! It will be; you're writing it Yep! Thanks Viv! have an awesome day!! Kevin

Hey Dom,

Hey Ronnie! Wow! You handled that so well. In fact it seems to be a role reversal of sorts. You definitely seemed like the parent to me in that conversation! LOL of course the last bit wasn't parenty, but I bet it was fun! Besides, no harm done Take care! Kevin

Awww Thanks Eric! I completely agree! Thanks Dude! Same here Have a really awesome weekend and an even better week! Kevin

awww, David, I could whine a bit if that would help? "The part I ordered for my washer STILL isn't it. I'm running out of laundry! I need to change the oil in my truck, and I think I need to get the brake pads replaced. Lucky has dandruff (how weird is that?), and Timmy won't stop crying when I leave the room!" There better? ....Actually I feel better LOL anyway I hope you have a great day and start waking up with a big smile on your face! Kevin

yeah it was a really interesting story! Very romantic too I hope you get to see it! I'm pulling for you, Colin, I'm sure everything will be fine! Take care and have a great weekend, Kevin

Hey Buru! Thanks, I am having a really good time , I'm sorry you're bored though . I hope everything works out, you're a great guy, take care Kevin

Oh no, Viv! That sucks about your car I'm glad it was at least fairly minor and easy to repair though. Stuff like that does seem to find a way of happening at the worst times! On the other hand I guess it's just cause people never start leisurely walking toward their vehicle and say to themselves, "You know, I have nothing planned for today, the weather is lovely, there's a mechanic right up the road, and I've got plenty of money. This would be such a great time for my car to break down!" . Anyway sorry about your mess well....When I was a kid I had this really awesome dog named Ace, in fact he's the only dog I've ever "owned" myself. He was teriffic! ....um anyway Ace died, and I was sad. There's alot of really good memories tied to the name, but I think it might get me down sometime. Thanks though! hehehe that's gonna go straight to their furry little heads . LOL they were BOTH sitting on my lap a little while ago, they seem fascinated by the whole "typing" thing. Lucky even tried to bash out a few senetences herself, but I think she needs an editor . Anyway, have a teriffic, car-mishap-free, week! Kevin

Hey Nick! First of all I want to say how much I loved the last chapter of My Jump Off. I've thoroughly enjoyed the story all the way through, but I'd have to say the last chapter was definitely my favourite! You did a really amazing job with everyone's emotions and perspective, the love scene was great, and in general it was just really well-written! Way to go! Secondly....I don't think the poll is working . At least it's not working for me. I tried to vote but it didn't record my vote, and then it says that I've already voted. It also shows no votes at all. So I don't know what's going on with it, I tried reloading the page and stuff, but nothing worked. Anyway I think Jarred should see (and only see) Andrew one more time to confess about the whole thing and break it off with him. It really sucks for Andrew and he's going to get hurt, but this isn't fair to him anyway, and he at least deserves to be told in person. Then I think Jarred should go to Phillip and confess, tell him how he really feels and beg for forgiveness and swear never to do anything like that again. Anyway that's pretty much what I think, but I'm sure it'll turn out great whatever you decide. When I went on a road trip to visit my grandmother over Easter I had a pretty weird cd experience. It was dark and I couldn't really see, but I got out one of my favourite cds and put it in the slot. Well then it didn't come on like it should have. So I turned my cd player completly off and then back on; still nothing. So I tried ejecting the cd, but it wouldn't come out. So I put another cd in,,,and it went in and started playing. So I was like "well I guess I musta missed the slot and dropped the cd". So I pulled over and looked, but I couldn't find the cd. So I figured, "well it's dark I'll find it tomorrow". So I looked the next day in broad daylight; still nothing! It was so strange it's like it had completely disappeared. And yet when I put it in it felt like it went in, not like I dropped it. But of course it couldn't be in the cd player since it was still taking and playing cds. Well finally like last month when I was cleaning out my truck for the move I was cleaning around the cd player and I saw this little tiny gap just wide enough for a cd to go in, just below my cd player where it met my dash. So yeah it had gone in there. I had to dismantle my dash and basically "uninstall" my cd player to get it out (but it was one of my favourites so it was worth it ) Anyway I hope you guys get yours fixed! Take care and have an awesome day! Kevin

Oh I know, I just drifted from the point a bit. well it could be that after whatever unique environmental factors go into it there's no going back.

That's funny. Mine has always been in some one elses jeans! That's funny. Mine has always been in some one elses jeans! Generally, I'm in favor of discarding the clothing, but to each their own... LOL You guys! Personally as far as the whole "Nature vs. Nurture" debate goes I've always favoured "Nurture". I like to think that I am responsible for the way I am (or at least my experiences and reactions are). Of course in all fairness I concede that it's more likely a 50-50 scenario, but I tend to prefer things that highlight the importance of experience and personal choice. I realize this isn't an especially popular position to take in the gay community, but personally I never thought it particularly mattered "why" in the first place, and I think I would have chosen to be gay given the choice. I know I'd chose to remain so given the option. Anyway it's a very interesting article, and even if it doesn't fall in line with what I like to think, I do "believe" it. Thanks for sharing it with us, James. Have an awesome day and take care! Kevin

WHEW!! That's a relief! I was freaking out myself when I read Viv's post! I haven't worked on mine for 3 weeks or so now , but I hope to get back to it soon. Thanks for the congrats, Viv! I think I'm really going to love my new job! I'll keep you guys posted! I'm glad you got your microphone working and that's great that you don't have to deal with Wendy anymore Yay! that you got your house cleaned up too! Although I'd have let the laundry do itself , GOSH my laundry is REALLY backed up, but I have the perfect excuse, the new hose I need for the washer isn't here yet, so I can't do the laundry. LOLOL and it's given me the perfect excuse to do some serious shopping Anyway take care and have a teriffic day! Kevin

I'm just so unbelievably happy right now! Today was awesome! It was my first day of training at work....oh yeah I was gonna tell you guys about it. Well I know this may sound chronically boring, but I'm going to be an insurance agent. It's definitely not something I saw myself doing, but they got ahold of my resume and called me and invited me to this presentation (followed by an interview), and I really liked it. I thought I'd totally screwed up the interview too. Because...well it's a long story (even by my standards ), but anyway apparently not because later that evening they called and offered me the job. Anyway I think I'm going to like it, the commission is good, the benefits are nice, there's an excellent retirement/investment program (yeah I worry about stuff like that, I've already had an IRA for like 2 years now ), and I only HAVE to go into the office two days a week, the rest of the time I can work from home for the most part. Besides I think it'll be fun meeting new people all the time and getting there "life story" (even if it does focus on health/finance ). So anyway today was my first day of training and it went pretty well, then I had a meeting with the other people on my "team" (LOL I LOVE teams!), and our team manager (who's really nice, he's like a grandpa or something, and I VERY highly regard my grandfather and grandfathers in general so it's quite good if I associate him with one). Plus all the people on my team are pretty darn nifty too! In fact I was coincidentally sitting next to one of them during the class. Yeah the training is like this "class" for three weeks, then you have to pass your licensing exam (which is actually completely seperate from the class, that's not what they teach you, you study that on your own), then you're good to go. So anyway after work I went on this crazy, fun shopping spree . Oh my gosh it was fun! I got like everything. Two ties, three dressy button down shirts, SEVERAL pairs of nice socks, a nice belt and some new pants, all for work. Then for fun I got like 5 or 6 T-shirts, I'm having so much fun with those now! I used to seldom buy T-shirts because they were usually too big (or bigger than I liked) BUT I found the secret....you shop in the little boy's department . LOL it's perfect! I like the way they fit better, they're cheaper, and they're actually cuter too! Like I got this one that says, "Sure to be grounded this time tomorrow" and another fun one that says, "I tried to be good but I got bored" , and anyway I don't feel silly about it, because 1) it's my business anyway and 2 ) I saw these other 3 gay guys doing the same thing . I also got a few "casual" shirts, I looked at jeans but didn't like any of them, I got this other AWESOME belt. It's so cool! LOL and really gay looking (or maybe really punk/emo, but regardless I like the look ), and then I even bought some fancy underwear. So then I had a lovely chat with the lady who was checking me out (ringing up my goods that is, I don't think she was interested in that way :king: ), she was from Los Vegas, and had just found a new job with the Texas school board. In 8 years the value of her home in Los Vegas TRIPLED! Anyway so then on the way out my dad called. So usually talking to my dad makes me nervous and stressed, but this time it was fun! Blah so that's all I'm gonna say about that instead of psychoanalyzing it. Anyway then I went to this yuppie grocery store/market that only sells over-priced organic, high quality foods. It was so much fun! I got a buncha nifty stuff! Including this gorgeous artichoke! some really nice leeks, and corn. A jar of hearts of Palm (MMMMMMmmmm), some pomegranate juice (I'd been wanting to try it for months now!), a fillet of Halibut steak, a New England Lobster cake, a blue crab cake, and a chocolate decadence cake for dessert (I bought some whipped cream too ). Cooking it was so much fun and it all came out really great! Of course I had to have really tiny portions of everything so I could try everything, but that just means I've got several more delicious meals left! My mom, aunt, and two good friends also called today. Those conversations were all really fun too. Plus I had a nice chat with several really awesome people online! (you know who you are ), and I got to watch a little of this gay romantic movie I bought the other day, Latter Days (I watched the whole thing when I first got it, I just watched half of it again while I was eating). It's REALLY good, and it was recommended independently by two really wonderful guys here. LOL I had the pleasure of climbing the gate to get back into my apartment again today (well I could have gone all the way around but climbing the gate is WAY more fun) . Oh and another observation back in Lousiana we always called those big raised things in the middle of the road designed to prevent people from going too quickly "Speed bumps". Here apparently they're called "humps". So you get the interesting frequent occurrence of a sign announcing, "Road Humps" Maybe I'm like 12 but I think that's really funny . Of course I always did wonder where alleys came from. I've also decided I really love being gay (well I decided that along time ago, but I was really thinking about it today)! It's so much fun! I don't see how I could be as happy as a straight guy. LOL, maybe, but I dunno, being gay is pretty neat! I'm so lucky , I mean most people don't get to be gay! And then some people that are don't even enjoy it properly. So I'm going to stop there even though I really wanna tell you guys about some of my new friends, and also that dishwasher story Matt mentioned in the last blog, but I guess it'll have to wait. Have an awesome day everyone and take care! Kevin P.S. so I know this entry is really poorly written, but I don't feel like editing it, so you guys are getting it "raw"

I didn't say, or mean to imply that I didn't like Houston, just that I wouldn't want to be there in the summer time. It's already hot enough here, and the thought of going somewhere hotter and even more humid for the summer doesn't fill me with glee. My visits to Houston have been too brief, I admit. Mercifully they were in the winter, as I hope future visits will be. I spent three summers in Dallas without air conditioning. I wouldn't do that again. OHHHH the heat! LOL well that's not so bad for me. I moved from Lousiana there's very little difference in heat and humidity. In fact the state looks and feels so similar I keep forgetting I'm in Texas now Anyway have an awesome day and take care! Kevin

Excellent points Demetz! I really enjoyed this post Have a great day and take care! Kevin

Happy Birthday Rob!!!!

Happy birthday Dr. Mike!! I hope it's a really awesome one! We do miss you Take care and have a teriffic year!!

Hey Nick! I just read the poem; I loved it I really think it should have a wider audience, and that it might help bring solace to other people. It was also very moving from a spiritual point of view! I hope you enjoy your hamburgers/sausage. Personally I'd hope for hamburgers, I don't eat sausage. Anyway take care and have an awesome day! Kevin

Hey Glomph! Thanks! I'm really excited about it. I'll post more of the details in the next entry. I'm just so relieved to have found something and not have to worry anymore. Plus it really does look like it'll be a good job. I hope it lives up to my expectations too, but I'm not going to worry about it. If I hate it (which I'm sure I won't) I'll just look for something else. I'm definitely happy to be here! I'm sorry you didn't like it though . Did you check out the museums? I haven't been since I've actually moved here, but I went last December when I was visiting and looking for a place to stay. They have some really awesome art and sculptures! It seems like everyone's really friendly and helpful too (at least so far) Anyway take care and have an awesome day! Kevin

Woo Hoo, Matt! I knew I could wear down your resistance. LOL, this only proves that I'm right, about everything! Yep, that's right, now you're stuck living happily ever after with a big silly grin on your face. (Like these) And the dishwasher story was definitely among the highlights, I just forgot while I was writing the entry. LOL I'll put it in the next Take care and have a great day!! Kevin