AFriendlyFace

Hey Graeme! Way to go! Yeah, I'm thinking that's pretty much what it boils down to too. Thanks Have a great day and take care! Kevin

Hey Jan, Yeah actually my friend Megan suggested that she might already know too. I suppose it is possible. I just kinda have a feeling she doesn't, or even if she pretty much does it'll still be a "big deal" if/when I tell her. Congrats on things going so well with your cousin though! Take care and have an awesome day! Kevin

Hey Kitty Yep, I know what you mean. I do tend to over-think thinks sometimes. Perhaps I should just relax a bit more and see whatever happens when she gets here....but yeah, that's unlikely Take care and have a fantastic day! Kevin

So my cousin called this evening while I was at work and left a voice mail. Turns out she's going to be in Houston on April 5th because her bestfriend's parents recently moved here and so she's riding with her to go and visit them. Anyway naturally she wants to meet up. Now my cousin and I were really close as kids. We were sorta like brother and sister (but were both only children). Anyway we've seen less and less of each other as we've gotten older, and particularly in the last four or five years, have hardly seen each other at all. Anyway, I really miss her and often think of all the fun we used to have as kids. So it all sounds great right? Well... See I never came out to her. In fact my mom's the only person in my family I am out to. I've got a really small immediate family. There's my mom, grandparents, cousin and aunt...and that's about it. Then there's my dad side who I'm really not close to at all, but that's a pretty small family too, just my dad and a different grandmother, aunt, cousin. So yeah, small family. Anyway as I said I'm not close with my dad's side at all, and coming out to them just isn't really an issue. Eventually I suppose I'll come out to my dad, and I guess sooner or later maybe the others on his side as well, but it just doesn't seem pressing in the first place, and I just don't really care in the second. As for my mom's side, well I don't plan on telling my grandparents ever because they're already really old (mid eighties), and it just doesn't seem particularly relevant (I'd hardly be likely to discuss my love life with my grandparents anyway), and like I said they're just pretty old and don't need the drama. SO since I already told my mother, that just leaves my aunt and cousin. Well basically I do plan to tell them eventually, and my cousin is actually definitely next on the list. And now you're up to speed on why I'm kinda freaking out about her coming to visit. Basically I feel like I can't not tell her while she's in town. I mean I'd only tell her face to face, while we were alone, and had plenty of time to talk, and this is pretty much the first time such an instance has arisen since high school. So I don't feel like I can just miss this opportunity. And I know people are going to say "well you shouldn't come out until you're ready", but how could I be any more ready? I mean I'm out to everyone in Houston, and I have a very large network of gay friends here, I'm also pretty active in the "scene". And I think I'm pretty comfortable, confident, and well-adjusted about the whole thing. So there's no excuse for putting it off. I guess it's just that it's so much easier to be out when you've never been in. What I mean is everyone that meets me now just knows, it's one of the early things that comes up, and they never really think of me as "straight", and I sure as heck never get used to presenting myself as straight to them. So it's just no big deal, take it or leave it. But "coming out" to people in my past...much more complicated. Especially people like my cousin, I mean geez we used eat snow cones and climb fences together. Sex/sexuality of any kind was never really a part of our relationship. That said I definitely wouldn't think twice about her knowing I were gay if she were just some random person I was just meeting. I mean I don't really think twice about it anyway, but she fits the profile of someone I'd be perfectly at ease with (female, under 30, intelligent, and fairly liberal). Still it's not just that I'm uncomfortable with the whole thing in general. I mean I suppose theoretically it could be a problem. For one thing she sucks at keeping secrets, especially from her mother (my aunt), and I've always said I wouldn't come out to her until I was ready to come out to my aunt too. And I suppose I am, ready to come out to my aunt that is, except that she's definitely one of the most difficult, complicated, judgemental people in the family. Plus there's always a chance it'll get back to my grandparents, and as I said I'm just not going to come out to them ever. SO I don't want that to happen. If that weren't an issue I don't think I'd really give damn. Everyone else in the family could just get over it and get used to it in their own time. And really that's how I feel about this too, I think worse case scenario she'll still be fine with it eventually and in the meantime it's not like things will be difficult or unpleasant for me. It's just a problem if she does react badly, or just with surprise, and spreads it around to the rest of the family. Anyway not telling her would be really weird in and of itself. I mean like I said, I'm just not "in" at all in Houston. If she meets anyone I know it could come up casually. I have several "gay" books on my shelf. Apart from the bookmarks I lost my computer is full of gay bookmarks. I have a copy of the "gay and lesbian yellow pages" by the phone. Besides all that I have WAY more skin and personal hygene products than a straight guy. My wardrobe would probably give me away, and let's not even bring up my "questionable" items (which are put away, but she's a notorious snoop and has been since childhood). So yeah, assuming I did want to stay in the closet where she's concerned I'd have to completely go through my apartment, carefully, remove/hide everything, then make sure she didn't actually run into anyone I know. And goodness, doing all that would make me feel really pathetic and lousy about myself. I've had a chat with my friend Megan about it. She thinks I should come out to her too. So far she's the only one I've discussed it with (it was fairly late when I found out), but I imagine that'll generally be everyone's opinion. I mean really it's mine too, and I suppose I'll do it, I just don't particularly want to. Blah, I feel like I'm trapped in some cheesy sitcome, "Oh look, George, it's 'the one where Kevin's cousin comes to town'!" :wacko: Anyway, other than that I had a particularly awesome day today.

Hey Drew Yeah, I really need to start doing that. Personally I've always had a slight blonde fixation, but I like (and have had ) all colours.

Hey Eric LOL, you know I hate pictures!! If I ever happen to take a good one I'll send it to you though

Happy Birthday!!!!!!

Home-made Books or movies?

No, I don't think that was me. The person below me is one of those people who plays the game by making up a "person below me" that would really only apply to themselves and not actually the person below them.

Hey Joe! Yeah, maybe he just didn't get a chance to respond. I know some days at work I have plenty of time to text and other days I can't even squeeze one or two out. LOL, then I suppose at that point it didn't really matter I was thinking the same thing; give it some time and see what happens Good luck! Kevin

Today was a pretty good day I suppose. I finally got all my tax troubles sorted out. See it all started over a week ago when I casually decided I'd drop by H&R Block on my way home from something and get my taxes done. I figured it'd be like an hour, standard fee, and I'm good to go...Well...NO! It took two hours and the fee the guy quoted me was outragiously high! We were in fact both in agreement that the fee was inordinately high so he told me to come back tomorrow and in the meantime he'd work on getting it down (which struck me as odd in the first place). So anyway the next morning he calls and says that he fixed things and that the fee was down to like 56 dollars and I'd have the same return, apparently all I had to do was come in and sign something. So on my way to I stop in, explain who I am, and this time am greeted by a woman telling me we need to go over a few things. So I'm thinking "okay a few things, that'll just be a few minutes." So like 20 minutes later I ask "how much longer is this going to take?", and she says "oh, about an hour." AN HOUR! So I ask, "why so long when I already did all this stuff with the other guy?" And she explains that apparently he made some mistakes and we needed to re-do everything. So I'm thoroughly ticked off at this point, plus I don't have time to do all this junk, so I tell her to just give me my stuff and I'll get it done later somewhere else (I did not want to have to keep coming back to this office because it really wasn't in a very convenient location at all, and it had just happened to be where I was that first day). Well at this point she tells me that actually I can't get it done elsewhere because the first guy accidently FILED the incorrect return, and they had to do an ammended one! So now I'm REALLY mad, and irritated that apparently she wasn't going to tell me that until I demanded to have my stuff back and leave. So anyway I didn't get a chance to mess with it again for a few more days, but then I called back to try to set something up with her only to find out that apparently my little tax return was beyond her skill as well and she was turning everything over to "the most experienced agent in the office" so he could have a jab at it. Well this dude was seriously hard to track down because apparently he works abbreviated hours (which I suppose is your prerogative once you become "the most experienced agent in the office"). Anyway we finally hooked up today and a mere 45 minutes later I had everything sorted out. They did have the decency to give me a good discount though, I ended up getting it all done for 30 dollars, plus since the original guy had already filed the incorrect return they had a smaller check for the incorrect amount waiting for me, which they gave me with assurances that another check would be mailed to me for the remainder. So at least I finally got the mess sorted out and I did get a fairly decent check today. In other news I dyed my hair black last week. It was pretty much the only somewhat "natural" colour my hair had never been. So I figured it was time to try it. Overall, I'm definitely glad I did it, only I also definitely don't like it as much as the blondes and reds that I had previously been sticking to. It was just something I really needed to get out of my system. I actually really miss the attention that my red hair had been getting me. It was always really bright and fun at first then it would fade to a somewhat natural (but still loud and unusual colour ), and people would often think it was natural. Apparently I've got the complexion for a red-head. I used to get at least three comments daily on it, with at least one person asking if, or convinced that, it was real. So blah, no more random attention from strangers, lol everyone that knew me flipped though. Also on the bright side at least my eyes have been getting a little more notice, they're kinda a soft blue and look really bright and somewhat gray against the black. I've also been having a lot of fun dressing up all emo/goth, but really the freaky red worked pretty well with that style too AND it had the advantage of being able to look somewhat respectable in other clothes. I guess I just need to learn how to "wear" the black, it's tricky though since my hair has been light for the past several years. Anyway I'm thinking that from here I'm just going to gradually go blonde again. Oh yeah, and I lost all my bookmarks . It keeps frickin happening! Well really it only tends to happen like once every 4 or 5 months, but that's certainly often enough! It's so weird just one day when I turn on my computer they're gone! I don't know what's causing it, but it's really really inconvenient. I bookmark like everything, if I think I may ever want to go back to that page I bookmark (I know it sounds like that would lead to a giant bookmark mess but it doesn't because I have quite a few folders/sub-folders for various categories and sub-categories.) Anyway, I invariably loose a few good websites everytime this happens Take care all and have an awesome day! Kevin

Well Yesterday was tons better, but today wasn't so bad. The person below me found something unusual in a friend's car recently.

Good luck with everything! -Kevin

I quit drinking caffiene a few years ago, but definitely hot tea. Candles or lamps?

Thanks, Camy!

The purpose of this entry is to poke fun at the highly superficial behaviour, and fleeting attractions, which often characterizes those who frequent gay dance clubs, while also serving the duel purpose of being a stylistic exercise in writing. The events depicted in this blog entry did indeed occur, but are likely exaggerated as a result of the tenuous position memory holds against fantasy. They were playing yet another techno version of some forgettable pop-hit as I stepped onto the dancefloor, deliberately making my way toward the center. As my hips began swaying slowly in time with the music - and I lightly brushed past the scantily clad guys in my path - I continued to search the crowd for a boy worth pursuing. It was packed tonight, and yet there were remarkably slim pickings. The majority of the revelers were too old, too fat, too trashy, or too taken. I smiled and avoided eye-contact as a middle-aged, Hispanic man stepped into my path and attempted to dance with me. As he pressed his chest into mine I turned my face and extricated myself from my would-be Latin suitor. It was then that a flash of light on the opposite end of the dancefloor suddenly caught my attention. My breath hitched and I stopped moving completely as I saw him. It was an artist's moment. He stood there, just under six feet, obliviously sending a text message. Oblivious indeed. Oblivious to the way the phone's dim white light illuminated his angular features like an angel with a halo. Oblivious to the way his eyes lit up like those of a child's on Christmas morning. Oblivious to the way his luminous blonde hair fell perfectly across his forehead. Oblivious to the way the phone's glow gently reflected off the buttons of his shirt, giving his chest a sort of come hither sparkle. Oblivious to the way his brilliant pearl-white teeth could just barely be seen occasionally peeking out from beneath soft, full lips. Oblivious indeed to the way his entire countenance took on a seductive look of concentration as he lightly licked those immaculate lips and delicately tapped upon the keys of his mobile. He was regrettably no more aware of the once in a lifetime moment which was even now occuring between us. Time stopped as everyone else gyrated ever more quickly to the latest Kelly Clarkson remix and it was only he and I who remained stationary, he shrouded by the aura of glowing light radiating from his palm, and I mesmerized by the sublime beauty of the form in front of me. Mechanically my feet began to compel me forward, step by step moving me ever deeper into the surreal scene now playing out on the well used floor. As the song began to come to close everyone started to cheer excitedly and draw closer to whichever warm body he'd been dancing against. Only the object of my desire remained disinterested as his slender fingers rapped the source of the impromptu spotlight. As I got within arm's reach of my very own Greek god I was struck with the realization that the true travesty of the night lay with the mere mortals who were sacrilegiously conducting their own affrairs instead of paying homage to Aphrodite's lovechild. Slowly I raised my trembling fingers, fingers which were aching to make even the slightest contact with the vision before me. As my hand tentatively continued it's approach toward my fantasy boy's shoulder the talented miss Clarkson hit her final note. With that the dim strobe lights lit up the bodies on the dancefloor, and my dream man simultaneously snapped his phone shut. The spell was broken. The young man now faced the same harsh, unforgiving light which callously, and indiscriminately, disclosed the flaws of all the club's inhabitants. Suddenly his angelic face took on a gaunt, tired look. As the shock wore off I began to retract my hand, eager to distance my digits from the weak-looking, slumped shoulder which was now only inches from my grasp, a shoulder clothed in an unflattering light blue fabric. The boy noticed this action and his dim, gray eyes snapped up as he peered at me from below stringy, vanila-coloured bangs. His haggard lips curled into a smile, a smile which revealed stained, dull teeth. I politely returned the smile...and avoided eye-contact as I turned away. Loosing interest my former fantasy began to slink through the crowd toward the bar. As Rhianna began confessing her adulterous escapades and all my fellow homos saught out fresh flesh with which to make contact, I couldn't help but cast a disappointed gaze toward the bar. This bland, unremarkable man had just missed the most beautiful moment of his life, his attention had instead been foolishly focused unwaveringly upon a fickle, uncaring object. I shook my head condescendingly, and laughed a small icy laugh. It was then than I spied a new boy a few feet away and, as I stepped in front of one of the track-lights to begin my approach, I was completely oblivious to the way the beam sent streaks of gold through my crimson hair... Michael By Franz Ferdinand This is where I'll be so heavenly so come and dance with me Michael So sexy, you're sexy come and dance with me Michael I'm all that you see, you want to see come and dance with me Michael so close now, so close now come and dance with me come and dance with me so come and dance with me Michael you're the boy with all the leather hips Sticky hair, sticky hips, stubble on my sticky lips Michael you're the only one I'd ever want only one I'd ever want only one I'd ever want Beautiful boys on a beautiful dancefloor Michael you're dancing like a beautiful dance-whore Michael waiting on a silver platter now... and nothing matters now This is what I am, I am a man come and dance with me Michael so strong now, it's strong now come and dance with me Michael I'm all that you'll be, you'll ever see so come and dance with me, MIchael So close now, you're close now Come and dance with me, Comeanddancewithme. COME AND DANCE WITH ME Michael you're the boy with l l l leather hips Sticky hair. Sticky lips. Stubble on my sticky hips. Michael you're the only one I'd ever want only one I'd ever want only one I'd ever want Beautiful boys on a beautiful dancefloor Michael you're dancing like a beautiful dance-whore Michael waiting on a silver platter now... and nothing matters now

Early Morning...lol though I doubt I'd regularly attend in either case Carbs or protein?

...okay so maybe I have spent a bit more than you on my wardrobe Your belts should generally be 2 inches larger than your pants to fit properly. Thus, if you wear 35'' pants your belt size should be 37''. You're quite right; odd sizes are difficult to find, though I do have a couple of pairs of 29'' pants. I generally wear 28'' in pants and 30'' in belts. If you wear the same size belt as pants you generally (but I suppose not always) end up with your pants all cinched/bunched up. Chances are if you find that the 36'' belt is actually too big for you then you probably wear your pants too baggy (and really could be wearing a 33'' or 34''). Personally speaking I generally wear my clothes a little too small. LOL well I suppose wearing pants that barely cover it is one way to show that baby off! I've been told that's my best asset too, but as I mentioned above I usually like to accenturate it by pouring it into some tight pants Hmmm, I think this thread may have gone a bit off topic **grabs some wet linen in which to wrap up in** Ahh, just my fit!

Thanks you guys!!

The others are right, Luc. You'll only make it worse, NOT BETTER, for everyone if you take your life. People don't get over other people's deaths that easily (as you obviously know first hand), and deaths such as the one you're proposing are especially painful for others. Furthermore James is right; you can't blame yourself for other people's actions. Unless you force fed him the drugs it was ultimately his actions, not yours, which led to the end result. Apart from all that there will be a time when you feel better again; you'd might as well hang around for it. And you did promise. PM, IM, email me, whatever if you want to talk about anything. FEEL BETTER! -Kevin

YAY! I did enjoy that post very much and am very honoured to have been able to participate in the discussion! Thanks for sharing this with us Viv!! Kevin

Hey Tony!! Welcome to GA!! It's great to have you here and I must say I really enjoyed your post about Viv's excellent story! Here's what I thought: Excellent sentiment, and so true! I agree! She totally does, doesn't she! That does indeed seem like an excellent way to determin the difference. 1.After reading a few early chapters, what were you feeling? E.g. interest, disgust, curiousity, fear, sadness, love, _____? I definitely felt that nice warm, fuzzy feeling people get with sweet love stories. There was also definitely a degree of excitement as I was very curious to see what would happen next and how Jesse's friends and family would react! 2.After reading all the chapters, has your understanding or feelings relating to the expression of love between gay men changed any? If so, how? Well, I probably come from a more pro-gay/gay experienced perspective than the presumed typical reader/congregation member who might read this. I defintely already believed in and had positive feelings toward the potential for love between gay men, but reading this story has certainly helped solidify that, and has definitely been a treat, and yes, a "soul nurturing" experience. 3. In the story, there are very explicit descriptions of the physical expression of love and care between Stephen and Jesse. Did you feel these descriptions were: a. beautiful b.pornographic c. gratuitous (unnecessary for the plot) d.integral to the storyline? A and D 4.What did you like best/least about Stephen, Jesse, their families, their friends, their classmates? Hmm, I liked how Stephen and Jesse interact with each other and I very much liked how in the early part of the story Jesse was able to relate to Stephen his fears stemming from his previous childhood experience with his friend. I was really pleased with the way Stephen allayed these fears and resolved himself to be there for Jesse. That was definitely one of the most significant parts of the story for me. I really liked how Stephens friends were there for them as well, and I think Stephen's birthday party was a huge turning point in their acceptence of Stephen and Jesse's relationship! 5.Do the characters in this story remind you of real persons you have known? If so, does this story help you to understand them any better? Hmm, oddly enough I'd have to say "no". I can't think of anyone any of these characters particularly remind me of. To me the characters were very "fresh", and I'm sure if I thought about it properly I could link them to other people in my life, but I more or less just took them as individuals in their own right. 6.What would be your reaction if a young person you know and love told you he was gay (or she was lesbian)? "Nifty! *hug* " I'm pretty involved in the gay community and I have quite a few gay and lesbian friends. Most of the people I meet are "already out" gay people to some extent. Not all of them are completely or even mostly out, but the settings in which we typically meet are such that people are presumed gay. So nowadays people don't often "come out" to me since it's not really necessary. However, there are still quite a few people in my life who are going through various struggles in their paths toward accepting themselves, and I definitely try to convey to them that I'm there for them, will keep anything they want to discuss private, and won't "judge" them. Prior to being actively involved in the gay community, prior to "coming out" myself even, I did have a few people come out to me. My reaction was essentially what I described above. I talked to them about it as much as they wanted, let them know it was cool with me, and generally ended the chat with a hug. I also knew a few "already out" gay people who didn't really need to tell me, once someone is sufficiently out it's just sort of "common knowledge". With these people offering extra support with regards to their sexuality wasn't really necessary. 7.What teaching did you receive about the morality of sexual expression (heterosexual or gay) when you were in school? Did that teaching help or hurt your personnal development? Ahh, well I went to Catholic school K-12. Actually there was never much of a focus on homosexuality. "Officially" it was understood that the stance was "hate the sin, love the sinner", but really they didn't go on very much about it, so I pretty much made up my own mind and reached my own conclusions. As far as sexuality in general there was definitely a great deal of the "no sex before marriage" talk, but it really wasn't a fire and brimstone kinda place, and I don't think I ever got the impression that people who fooled around would automatically be condemned to hell. 8. Did this story cause you to question any of your previously held attitudes? If so, which and how? Hmm, well I definitely found the story inspirational, and in particular I took a great deal of comfort from the way Stephen's dad, and friends accepted the pair. 9.Was there anything in this story that would help you to be more sensitive and loving in your own marital and other relationships? Definitely! Quite a bit of the way they interact with each other seems like excellent relationship advice. 10.If you were teaching a Sunday school class for teenagers, How would you answer your students if they asked: Is it OK to hookup? What do you think of having friends with benefits? Is gay sex wrong? Can gays become straight if they really try? Complicated question. I consider myself a very spiritual person, and a Christian, but I don't strongly identify with any specific religion (though most strongly Catholic), so it's unlikely I'd be teaching a Sunday school class in the first place. If I did I'd presumably believe and strongly identify with all the dogma of the particular religion, and thus I'm sure I would answer the above questions accordingly. My own opinions would be as follows: -Is it OK to hookup? I'd probably tell them that that's something they have to decide for themselves. That in my opinion is most definitely is not okay to "hookup" if you are the person you're hooking up with is in any sort of a relationship (I personally don't agree with "open" relationships, but generally mind my own business here beyond avoiding them myself). Assuming both parties are completely single, both clear on the fact that this is a "one time" thing, both honest about their sexual histories, and use protection, then I'd say it's "Okay", but could still get very complicated. -What do you think of having friends with benefits? Again I think it's a definite "NO" if either friend is in a relationship, or pursuing a relationship. In general I'd apply the same guidelines as above, but I actually think it's a slightly smarter, safer alternative, but also one that could get much more complicated and has the potential for more emotional discord. -Is gay sex wrong? Of course not. Theoretically it could be wrong under some circumstances in the same way that straight sex could be wrong (I.E. cheating, using it as a weapon, being emotionally mean or manipulative, and so on), but intrinsically I don't think it makes a difference. -Can gays become straight if they really try? To me the question is moot. I think it's unhealthy and unfortunate for anyone gay to try or want to be straight (or for that matter for anyone straight to try or want to be gay). People should instead strive to accept themselves and each other. The "official party line" is no, people can't change their orientation. I mostly believe that, but I also tend to believe that the majority of people aren't completely gay or straight, but instead vary over a continuum. So perhaps if the person were sufficiently close to the middle they could surpress one side of their orientation and instead focus solely on the other. But I think that's the case only for a few people, and I think it's still a BAD IDEA for everyone. 11. How would you advise a high school student who was questioning whether or not to "come out" to family,friends, classmates? I'd tell them that only they can know whether it's the right decision for them at this time. They should look at their situation and the people around them. Sometimes it really isn't a good idea for a minor to come out. It could be dangerous or detrimental to their long-term goals. On the other hand it could be a wonderful, affirming experience that would be essential to their long-term goals. It completely depends on the person in question and their situation. So I'd try to discuss with the person just what kind of situation they were in, give them my personal advise, but emphasize that ultimately it really has to be their own decision and that it's a decision they should only make after careful deliberation and only when they are themselves ready (and not as a result of any kind of pressure from a boyfriend/girlfriend or others in their lives). 12. If you were a high school counseler, would you recommend this story to any of the students who seek counseling? Yes, definitely 13. Would you share this story with a teen son or daughter who may (or may not) be struggling with issues of sexual identity (their own or their friends' and classmates')? Yeah, I think in general it would be beneficial for more people (gay or straight, young or old) to see more positive expressions of heterosexual relationships and life in general. 14. If the author were here with us today, what would you want to say to her? Well, I've already discussed it with her, but I'm always up for talking to my Vivy I definitely agree with your interpretation! What a beautiful thought! I've always thought that sexuality (gay and straight) was a gift from a God. Well since you were so candid about the your bio info, and the things which influenced your reading, I think it only fair that I also give similar info about myself. Caucasian male, 23, gay, single, and not in a relationship, grew up in the South, attended Catholic school through high school, still identify as "a very liberal, Catholic", quite liberal socially, completed my undergraduate degree in psychology and sociology, and will soon be attending grad school with a likely concentration in counseling. I'm always eager to learn more about other types of people and consider myself very open-minded. Thanks for the excellent and insightful post, Tony. It's been a pleasure discussing the story with you and I hope more jump in. Take care and have an awesome day Kevin

I hope you've been doing great and may your birthday be filled with much joy, peace, and happiness!! -Kevin

LOL, well definitely fresh squeezed! Paper or plastic?