AFriendlyFace

My gosh that was sad. It was very beautifully written too. Thanks for sharing it with us

Well I don't really have a trademark signature, but I personally go with "Take Care" most of the time. It works well for me because I'm a compulsive worrier, so advising everyone to "take care" somehow makes me feel better.....Not that I really think anyone would be about to do something really stupid or dangerous and not because of it. "Hmm let's see if these fireworks look as nice when they go off inside the house......OH wait I'm supposed to be taking care" Of course in person I usually give the longer version "take care and drive safely", car accidents are pretty much one of the things I worry the most will happen to someone, that and cancer. But "take care and watch out for those free radicals" just sounds goofy. Anyway Dom, I loved chapter 21, can't wait to see what happens in 22. GRR I'm leaving town on the 28th. No chance of a little farewell (which I also think is a darn fine parting word) present huh? Anyway TAKE CARE, drive safely, watch out for those free radicals, and don't run by the pool. Kevin

Thanks Nick you too!!

That's a wonderful story Michael! I hate how unaccepting Christians make everyone else feel alienated and mistrustful of Christians and general. I'm so glad you pointed out the inconsistancies in their message. Thanks so much for your kind words and have a wonderful Christmas! Kevin

So let's see the last couple of days have been really good. Yesterday at work we exchanged gifts. It was great I got this really nice box of truffles (MMMMM), a watch (which I love), a book (which I'll read sooner or later), and random other goodies, and I think everyone liked what I got them too. Anyway then after work I hung out with a friend of mine (and also gave her, her Christmas present, which she really liked), We went to Wal-Mart for awhile because she needed some stuff for a trip she's taking soon to visit her "special friend" (she refuses to call him her boyfriend since they live so far apart) in Ohio. She wanted thermal underwear, and apparently they didn't have it for girls at Wal-Mart so we were in the men's clothing section anyway.......yeah can't get me around clothes these days without me buying something. But it was actually really frustrating I kept seeing stuff I wanted but then they wouldn't have it in my size! Like I saw a pack of black undershirts (OK I know that's not exactly new or really cool, but it hadn't occurred to me I could buy them by the pack, I'd just been buying random black shirts and wearing them underneath), anyway I wear small shirts (especially undershirts), but they didn't have any, and I think they only had like one or two packs of mediums even. Then I saw this other shirt I really liked and the smallest size they made was large.....I mean what's the deal?! Amazingly I was able to find a new pair of black pants in my size though, which I'll probably wear to that New Year's Eve, eve cocktail party I got an invitation to the other day. Yeah it seems the preppiest girl from my elementary school (yep we're talking K-8 here), is hosting a cocktail party. Anyway it should be fun to see everyone again, and I'm sure the food, and atmosphere will be great. Of course I'll have to be on my best behavior (and most closeted lol), but I always like dressing up and visiting with people I haven't seen in awhile. Oh so anyway then we went back to her place for awhile and visited, it was nice. OH yeah so the point of this blog. I was proud of myself because my apartment was a complete disaster area, since I've been kinda busy and haven't felt like cleaning up; plus I had like random Christmas presents and wrapping supplies strewn all over the place, and I hadn't showered yet since I'd come home from work and needed a shave. BUT I still invited my friend over! That's a major breakthrough for me lol. See I am a product of my background, and growing up I was always very aware of the message "everything needs to seem perfect!" So as a result I always stressed about having everything just so and looking just right. I also developed several nifty little anxiety related problems. Like random weird phobias, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, and at my worst little ticks. So anyway at the height of my neuroses I was afraid of cheese-graters (which was actually an improvement over a more generalized blade phobia), bridges, railing, and dentists. I'm pretty much over all these now, and yeah systematic desensitization works, I just forced myself to deal with them and see that nothing was going to happen (which I intellectually knew anyway). The only one of the before mentioned which still creeps me out is the dentist (actually going to one, I can be around them socially no problem), but hey it's not that bad, I'm obsessive about taking care of my teeth and actually consider my smile one of my best physical features. And I do still manage to go about once a year and last time I went he said "they look great, whatever you're doing keep doing" (of course that night I had this awful nightmare in which he said "oops I was wrong, we need to pull them all out!"). And I even managed to stay semi-calm while I was there (OK I did want to get up and run, and was definitely getting the sweaty palms, racing heart, and butterflies, but all to a lesser extent that usual). So anyway I honestly think I'm phobia free right now, I wouldn't even consider my dental aversion strong enough to be phobic anymore. So the OCD, that was rough and lasted from about 7th grade through 12th before it started to taper off. I became a compulsive "checker" (whereby you have to keep looking to see if the door's locked, or the faucets really tightened enough). I also had the "wanting to repeat certain words" over and over. And everything had to be "balanced" I mean I couldn't have a book on the left or right side of a desk, it had to be centered, everything had to be straight, if something was on the left something comparable needed to be on the right. The worst was if I bumped something with my left arm or something touched my left side, I needed to bump or touch something on the right. It was totally messed up, even if I ran into a doorway or something and hurt me left arm, I'd be thinking "man that hurt!", even as I was seeking something else out to run my right arm into (usually more gently though) :wacko: . And counting, oh goodness don't even get me started on counting, try quadruple checking everything you count. OH and I mustn't forget the crowning compulsion. I'm Catholic, so we make the "Sign of the Cross" before and after prayers, and considering I went to Catholic School my whole life we prayed alot! So anyway you basically touch your forehead, chest, and left then right shoulder. Can anyone guess how easy it is for someone with the before mentioned symptoms to fall into a habit of needing to do it over and over again until it's perfect?? It's so comical looking back on it, I'd literally like say "hey look over there!" then when everyone turned around I'd do it again real quick and hope that was enough. And yes it even got the point that I'd develop little ticks sometimes if I tried to stop myself from doing one of the things. Now here's the kicker, I managed to suffer mostly unnoticed. I mean I wasn't as embarrassed about the phobias so I didn't hide that, and they were never as troublesome anyway. But the rechecking thing was tricky, so was the touch thing (especially the sign of the cross), but I was always an "eccentric" kid. I was the "entertainer", the one with all the jokes/wacky antics, and I was never happy unless everyone else was having fun (gee I wonder if THAT had anything to do with the anxiety trouble?). So anyway it was fairly easy (and not that out of the ordinary) for me to play most of the stuff off as some sort of game or novelty. "Is that door really closed?" I'd say, then proceeded to check it five times, making random remarks, to the delight of my friends (and my relief). And if I got stuck on needing to say the word "monosyllabic" over and over, well let's just say I could quickly whip it into a little song/rhyme or slip it into several sentences. Anyway I did really well with it, my family did notice at the worst of it, but my friends and classmates, who of course didn't know what to look for, just thought I was on another kick. And now? Well now.....I'm fine. I don't do any of that stuff anymore. I can count stuff once, it's fine if something only touches me on one side. No more word sticking, no more ticks, no more phobias. I mean I know I've still got a vulnerability to developing junk again, but I'm really fine now, and have enough experience to know when stuff could start developing and thus head it off. Like last week at work things were really hectic and I remember some word getting stuck in my head for a bit, but I was able to just say "Kevin, it's okay, STOP that and chill out." So how did I "recover"? Relaxation, learning about the problem, and will power. If you can NOT check the door more than once, and just hand someone the money after counting it once,,,,well eventually you see that it's fine. It's just in that moment I had to able to say "now that's it, stop". I got to the point where I'd purposely do something off balance and then not let myself balance it. I mean there are techniques and methods you can use, the trick is just having the will power and determination to do it. But I'd say the single most important factor is to just decompress and relax. As messed up as it sounds things got better once I moved out. I love my family and really did have a very happy childhood, and as amazing as it sounds I was never "unhappy" at all while all of this was going on, and it really didn't interfere much with everyday stuff. But my mom and grandparents (whom I grew up with), are an interesting sort. My grandmother's outspoken and has what I guess you could call a volatile temper, it's easy to set her off, and she can be verbally aggressive, but then just gets over it five minutes later. My grandfather seems unflappable, and he's definitely the best adjusted person in my family (including, no definitely including my aunt and cousin). My mom seems to ignore it all then rants about it to everyone else and by herself. I guess I'm just prone to internalize stuff, if there's conflict I stay calm and supportive during it, then go to pieces later, or redirect into the anxiety junk. Anyway I also just developed a healthy bit of apathy. "There's no way we can get all this done!" someone will say, and now instead of freaking out and taking on the stress, I'll just do my best but basically take on the attitude "oh well we won't get all done then, not the end of the world." Of course this has its price. In High School I made all A's and was extremely driven to do well in all aspects. In college,,,,not so much. My grades are decent (about a 3.3), but I'll go to sleep or go out to dinner if I think it's better for me than staying home and working on something school related. "oh well so instead of an excellent project I'll turn in an average one and stay sane". Instead of being really productive at work I'll get the important stuff done and then just relax. It comes at a price, I moved up quickly as far as rank and pay went at first, then after I got my laid back attitude, I was happier but pretty much leveled off. I've almost accepted that I can't please everyone all the time (though I still often think there's a way if I can just figure it out). But it has to with lifestyle too, I'm now very careful to never get less than 7 hours of sleep a night, and I usually shoot for 8 or 9. I take vitamins everyday and get plenty of exercise. I don't eat fast food and try to stick with a healthy diet. And mostly I just try to take care of myself. The other trick is to deal with my problems instead of ignoring them or redirecting them. If I'm upset with someone or upset about something, then I'll actually make it a point to stop and deal with, figure out what I need to do to fix it or make it better. Then there's the actually figuring out what I want from life thing. I had to realize that maybe a high paying, prestigious job still wouldn't make me happy, and may do the opposite. I could do something intense and stressful, because I usually get good results it's just that it would mess up my personal life. Sure I'd like to be rich and famous, and I

Hey Ron, I'd say it's a very complicated situation. Mrs.G could definitely be the source of alot of support, but then I guess there is some risk involved too. Overall are you able to determine her level of acceptance and general attitude towards homosexuality? Maybe you could kinda "feel her out" first. Also libbonobo makes a very good point. There is alot to be said for waiting until you're out of the house and financially independent. I guess it all depends on what kind of reaction you can expect, and how much you "need" to come out. Personally speaking I was fine not telling my mom until I was out of the house and on my own. Even though I never expected a bad reaction anyway (and didn't get one ), I never really felt I "needed" to tell her before that. Anyway I'm sure I would have been fine doing it before I moved out (who knows may have even had some pluses), but I have a friend who's life isn't going so well right now, and while his close friends were extremely supportive of him; his parents (particularly his step-dad) freaked out and didn't (IMO) do right by him at all. And I personally feel that alot of the mess he's in now is a result of that, he'd definitely have been a 1000% better off waiting...of course none of that matters unless you think Mrs.G would tell your folks anyway, and of course you now your situation better than anyone else, and would be the best judge of it. Whatever you decide keep us posted and know that we're here for you. Have a Merry Christmas! Kevin

I totally agree with the emailer, it's an awesome story Viv! Can't wait for the next installment. And yes the card is really cool! Have a terrific Christmas. Kevin

Way to go on getting so much done! I can't wait to read your next chapter! It's an awesome story, and I bet this next part will be really intense. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's fall, also how's your son doing with that cut on his head? Anyway take care and have a great Christmas! Kevin

LOL glad you "fell off the wagon" so speak

hey Nick! I'm excited to hear that chapter 37 is out, I'm going to whip up something to eat then read it . So obviously I don't know what you've done yet, but whatever it is don't worry about it. EVERYONE'S done bad/mean/stupid stuff before, but if I had to guess I'd say you've probably done alot less mean stuff than most people. Besides it's the present and the future which matter most, and I'd bet you do/will do many really nice things for lots of people, including James. Anyway I can't wait to read the next chapter (So I'd better hurry up and get some dinner), take care. Kevin

Hmm well it wasn't really that dirty of a trick, and it had nothing to do with being gay, but when we were kids (probably about 12 and 10), my cousin was pestering me like crazy to find her more batteries for her cd player. Finally I just got fed up and said: "Batteries? You don't need those, just use some torn up shreds of paper, I'll show you how later." Then I left the house for awhile. Apparently while I was gone she asked EVERYONE she could find if they knew how to get the paper to work in the cd player, and as soon as she saw me she brought me a sheet of paper and her cd player and demanded "SHOW ME!" And let's see, a few years ago I had this strange phobia of cheese graters (.....don't ask I'm weird. I'm over it BTW, in fact there's even one in my sink RIGHT NOW ). Anyway I was visiting a good friend of mine and when I opened her drawer and saw one (after nearly passing out ), I finally mustered up enough courage to hide it in a little used cabinet behind seldom used things. Hey, I thought I was acting in her best interest to protect her! Anyway she didn't find it for months and never realized it was me UNTIL she found it, then it clicked.

LOL so that's "twipping". Well yes I suppose I do twip a lot here. But I don't think I do that much in most other contexts. Anyway thanks for the info and take care

OK so I just got back from a Christmas party, this one hosted by (and attended by) different people from work. Anyway it was pretty fun, but not as much fun as the first one. The first one was more everyone I'm close with, and was in a familiar setting. This was with more "friendly acquaintances" and I'd actually never been to the girl's apartment before. Anyway when I got there I only knew like two people, and to make matters worse most of the guys there seemed like your typical redneck southerners. There were two cute guys there at that time though. One of them was an exboyfriend of one of the hostesses (and one of the reddest necked of all, but still pleasant to behold). Anyway he was actually pretty nice, just obviously not really the tolerant type, BUT the cool thing was that I thought he was really cute, and woulda guessed him to be a little younger than me, nope 8 years older! LOL I hope I can still look early twenties when I'm 30. Anyway the other attractive one was the same girl's younger brother. Also I'm pretty sure straight, but really adorable (LOL he was the youngest there at 19, probably a little too young for me anyway ). Actually I've always found the girl attractive too, so it's no surprise she'd have a pretty brother (or be able to date good-looking guys). Anyway like I said it was slow at first, but then more people I knew showed up, including this guy who works at the same place, but never with me. Let me describe the guy (Michael). He's about 5'9'', rail thin, bleached blonde hair, pierced lip, nose, eyebrow, and several per ear, as well as 4 or 5 tattoos, deep blue eyes, and the best smile ever! He's also extremely friendly, nice, and cheerful. So as soon as I laid eyes on the guy several months ago when he came in to apply, I was instantly taken with him, after I got to know him and found out he was really cool (and saw that smile close up), I was even more interested. Unfortunately it was then that I found out he had a girlfriend (he definitely had the emo thing going and I was actually thinking he may have been gay before he mentioned just reconciling with his girlfriend.) Anyway I was of course disappointed, but I never let myself fall for straight guys, or anyone in a relationship (even a cruddy relationship, which their's isn't), I just won't go there. Anyway a couple of weeks later I met said girlfriend (Liz), and really liked her, and thought they were perfect for each other. She's pretty much the same description I gave of him only female, no tattoos (yet she's planning on getting two), and her smile, though bewitching, doesn't have quite as strong an effect on me. Anyway they're both terrific, and I'm really happy they're together because they fit so perfectly in style, personality, etc. So anyway I'm really glad when they get there, and immediately go strike up a conversation. Well after a bit Michael decides he wants a cigarette, but neither Liz nor myself smoke (actually it seems she smokes pot sometimes, but that's irrelevant) so he goes outside, and we stay and chat. So this girl's incredible, I mean I don't even know her that well and we're having this great conversation. (Yeah actually some girls can turn my head a bit, and she was definitely one of them, though again I'd never hit on someone seeing someone else) So anyway we're talking and the next thing I know she's saying "I should introduce you to my roommate, I think you'd really like him." and yeah it was obviously not a casual "you two could be friends" kinda thing, but a "you two would hit it off". So I was pretty happy, mostly because considering a gay friend of mine was trying to fix me up with a girl, I was feeling really "off the map" so to speak. But Liz, sweet, cute, perceptive Liz had me sussed. Anyway the conversation only picked up from there too; turns out her other roommate is a girl I know casually. So we were talking about her (Mallory, another cute, punkish girl) and she was like "yeah she's doing fine, she's excited because her girlfriend's about to move up here". Then she went on to talk about how she and her friends (guys and girls) used to all make out with each other when they were in high school. Which really got my mind racing considering I'm pretty sure Michael was one of the group .....Yeah yeah I know that's really promiscuous, and I'd never do anything like that, and would probably even be a little hesitant to date someone that "open", but it still put a pleasant little mental image in my head. It's interesting really while I can be attracted to any "type" of person, I find that goth/punk/emo boys are kinda over-represented (and yeah actually girls fitting that description too, to a lesser extent). Then way on the other end of the continuum I'm usually attracted to the cute, really Christian evangelical dudes (fundamentalists are a turn off, but if their just passionate about it without trying to force feed it to everyone they meet). Which of course isn't really fitting on either account, I mean I generally find both types really cool, and people of both genders from both camps have made up some of my closest friends. But I'm probably too tame for the "freaky" ones, and probably too freaky (read "gay", or "not sexually repressed") for the tame ones . Oh well I think I just dig non-conformists. For the record, I don't have any piercings or tattoos and probably won't ever get any. And while I'm a Christian, I don't like to get too mixed into the groups and things because I find too much closed-minded fundamentalism. So I probably wouldn't be very comfortable getting too far into either culture. Still they're fun to mingle with. Oh yeah so I did pretty well with the not getting drunk tonight, I had ONE beer, and a couple of small shots of this lime drink (which I think is just a friend's personal creation, I only drank it at all because I remembered it being really good from last time). Then we played "dirty Santa", I ended up with two little bottles of bubble bath in champaign shaped plastic bottles. Which is great because I actually got something similar for someone else as a Christmas present, and ever since I bought it I keep thinking "So I think I'll use some of that cool bubble bath tonight", then it hits me "oh yeah, you didn't buy any for yourself". So anyway now I have some Have an awesome day everyone! Kevin

Thanks Viv! It's quite a relief, and I mailed off all the packages I had to today. I hope you're almost done with your shopping as well! Take care LOL Kitty, that's the exact same thing a friend of mine said when I mentioned the dream. Thanks Andronicus! I'm definitely planning to try to turn it into something. I'm really glad I wrote down the gist of it before I forgot, already I know I've forgotten some of the more interesting details, but I hope I can re-create some other good ones. Anyway Thanks LOL Vic, To be honest with you I really think that's where all this was coming from. I can't think of anything else my subconscience could have used to dig up this stuff. Anyway have an awesome day you guys!

Hey Green, I just read the rest of the story. Sounds like the poor kid does have quite a few issues. I agree with James, he needs help, it was good of you to suggest your therapist. Let's hope he decides he wants to change. On another note, I hope you did something awesome and sweet to make it up to poor Chaz. I feel sorry for him being stuck in the middle like that, especially when he behaved correctly. Anyway I hope everything works out, have an awesome day. Kevin

Hey slaveboy, Congrats on being out on break! I'm going to be playing Dirty Santa tonight at a Christmas party! What a coincedence. It's awesome that you were able to get along with the team cap. WTG. And yeah chances are he is straight, one question though? What's "TWIP" Anyway have a great break and take care. Kevin (who may or may not Twip )

So let's see, I got home from work yesterday and went straight to sleep (yeah it was like 4pm), and I slept until about midnight, then I lounged around in bed for about an hour. It was awesome, I love being in bed and not being asleep. I usually fall asleep pretty fast, and I usually stay asleep until I HAVE to get up, so it's always really nice to just chill. Anyway, all that aside, something useful actually happened too. I had this really weird (kinda creepy) dream. It was about these three guys. Two of them hated each other, and the 3rd guy was somehow mixed up with both of them, I can't remember, he was either one of them's friend and the other's brother, or maybe one of them's bf and the other's friend/brother, I'm really not sure, but somehow he was mixed up with both. Anyway, so they had this dramatic showdown and the first guy tried to kill the second one, but the other guy got away.....ALMOST. He then ran into the third guy, who ended up distracting him until the other guy could kill him. Anyway so it was kinda like the third guy "woke up" in the dream, and it was as though he was dreaming about what had happened. Anyway he woke up to the sound of this little child saying something like "stay calm, and tell me why you did it" (meaning the betrayal which caused the other guy's death). So anyway the guy sits up in bed and turns around and there's the little boy sitting on his headboards. So the kid keeps repeating stuff like that, asking for an explination for why the guy betrayed his friend, and all the while he's like hopping around the bed, just out of the other guys reach. So finally the boy's standing on the side of the bed, and the guy's really upset and frustrated so he lunges at the kid and tries to grab his arm, but the kid ducks underneath of the bed. Well when the guy turns around the kid like stands up (still under the bed), and his head and shoulders come through the mattress and stuff, only it's not him at all, it's the dead guy. So really all along it was the dead guy haunting the guy who betrayed him and got him killed. Anyway it was a really weird dream, and unfortunately the characters didn't even have names or anything, and I"m not sure of their relationships or motives. BUT I thought it was pretty interesting and fairly original. SO I think I might see if I can't revise it a little, go into more detail, and right a short story about it. I was thinking this would still be right at the beginning, and the story would be about the guy being haunted and WHY he betrayed the other guy and got him killed. Yeah I know it's not great, but I'm getting really desperate to have SOME kind of story done by the deadline, so I think I'm going to use it. Anyway I would talk about my day etc. But I'm really trying to get out of the habit of making insanely long posts, so I won't. But basicially I finally got my Christmas presents wrapped and my cards sent. Tomorrow evening I'm going to another work Christmas party (held by different people this time), and I'm planning to not drink at all. Then Thursday we're exchanging gifts at work, I'm really excited because from the hints everyone's given me it's stuff I really want, and I can't wait to see if everyone likes what I got them, I think they will . Oh and you guys remember my coworker whom I have a "complicated" history with, the one who took my shift for me awhile back (not Amber, her name's Kim). Well anyway I finally found out why she was all up in my buisness awhile back (2 or 3 months ago) about some stuff. It turns out she thought I was depressed and not handling it well. I wasn't depressed, I was just ticked off at her and kinda "sulky" where she was concerned, and in all fairness I got the impression SHE was the one dealing with some stuff (which I now know is also true). Anyway before it was bugging me because she kept asking intrusive questions, then telling me she didn't like stuff, but not telling me why. I just thought she was being nosey, and it probably just ticked me off more (and made it seem worse to her). I wish she'd just told me then that she was concerned, I'd have found that sweet, but then we were at each other's throats alot then, so I guess it wouldn''t have been easy. Anyway seems like we are over all that now. One final thing, my subject title reminds me of, it's a funny scene from Friends Chandler is talking about how he hates his job and doesn't have any aspirations to do anything else. So he says something to the effect of: "I hate not knowing what I want to do with my life, you guys all have it together, you have a dream, I don't have a dream." Then Ross says: "Ah, the lesser known I don't have a dream speach." Anyway I just always found that particularly funny. Have an awesome day everyone and take care. Kevin (Yeah I know this still ended up being a long post, but I really did cut a bunch lol)

I agree with Eric, from what I've read, I doubt Chaz would let this kid's advances go very far. And perhaps if you do introduce him to a few people, he'll find someone of his own, or at least more friends to hang out with.

okay, "YAY!" Enjoy your break

Yeah, I used to think the same way about my voice. But it's amazing what happens when you're around other people who sing well. When it comes right down to it, there are very few people who really can't sing. The hardest part about being in a chorus, for me, isn't the singing anymore, it's all the memorization (the VMC usually sings off-book). If I can do it, believe me, it's a cinch that you can. The reason I suggested you look into Houston's chorus is that it's an excellent way to meet a lot of gay men in a new place without going to a bar or club. There are loads of other benefits, too. And if you are adamant about your singing, every chorus has non-singing members who help put on the shows, do publicity, etc., etc. Like I've said, Kevin, sooner rather than later.... Thanks Andronicus! That's really good advice, I'll look into it. Though I really don't think I have such a great voice. Anyway thanks and take care! Kevin

Thanks Eric! I think it's the right decision too, and now that I'm moving along with it, I feel much better. Thanks for the tip about not mixing my drinks, I'll try to keep that in mind. It's tough though since it's mostly my desire to try everything that got me in trouble in the first place lol. I hope you have an awesome Christmas and a teriffic New Year too, take care Kevin

Thanks Michael! Yeah I'm pretty excited too, can't wait. I think I lucked out where the girl was concerned, he gave me her info and visa versa, but she never tried to contact me either, so I'm thinking it was really just him that was interested in getting us together lol. Not that I don't appreciate it. Actually my best friend (and the first person I ever came out to) is a lesbian, and I know quite a few of them. I wish I got to hang out more with my cousin, I do miss her. Anyway take care Kevin

Hey Viv! I agree it is a great story! Also congrats on getting the lights up and somemore presents bought!

Hey Slaveboy, Well perhaps now that you know you can make an effort to get along with him better. I mean it's sometimes easier once you understand someone. Anyway good luck.

Hmmm I hadn't thought of that before. LOL guess I'd better watch it. Thanks for the tip, I'll look into the chorus thing to see if I can catch a performance. LOL no one should have to endure my singing though.