AFriendlyFace

Hey Viv! Woo Hoo, awesome about your taxes, I think I'm going to do mine sometime in the next few days too. I'm so excited to hear that the next chapter is complete! Especially after that cliffhanger last time! When do we get to read it? I love dogs and cats. But it is probably best that I don't have a dog right now. I'm probably not even giving Timmy and Lucky enough attention, it definitely wouldn't be right if I owned a high-maintance animal like a dog right now. I have 9 keys and a little tiny flashlight on my key ring. A couple of years ago the subject of keys/key rings/key chains came up and one of my coworkers asked me: "why do you have so many keys". to which I responded: "There are a lot of doors in my life". Which I didn't think was that clever, but everyone got a kick out of it Congrats on the easy weight loss! Oh yeah and be careful with those pants! They sound like they could fall off at an inopportune moment.....LOL like during one of those tours. I bet the kids would find THAT funny. Anyway have an awesome day and take care (can't wait for the next chapter!) Kevin

Thanks Ronnie! You're right the weather is sucky in Feb. I'm sorry to hear you hate this time of year too. It's really weird in Louisiana, the weather is so bipolar right now. Like on Monday you have to wear long sleeves and/or a jacket. Then on Tuesday you're sweating your butt off and have to keep the AC blasting. Then Wednesday it'll rain all day or something and just have that nasty "wet, cold" feel. Then Thursday it'll keep raining but it'll be really hot and you feel like you're in some kinda humid rain forest or something. Thanks for advice. I will hang on till tomorrow come what may . Lol anyway have an awesome day and take care. Kevin

Hey Zot, Thanks for the advice. I don't really think I fully meet the criteria for SAD, I mean going down the checklist and stuff. but you're right doing those things would definitely help me to feel better. I do try to exercise and eat right. And actually I already take a vitamin D supplement. Also while I know I'd feel better if I were "with" someone for Valentine's day, I've pretty much decided I don't want to start a relationship right now, since I have to move in about 3 and a half months anyway. Oh I wouldn't turn love away if it came knocking, I'd just be upfront about the fact that I were leaving soon, and just kind of see what happened (though I know then moving away would be hard for me). But I'm not going to look for something I can't finish. Anyway, have an awesome day and take care, Kevin

Aww Thanks Viv! I'm sorry it's four whole months for you , I'm lucky that it's usually just one short one for me. You're right talking about it does help and thanks very much for the kind offer, I will definitely PM you sometime if I'm upset! And please feel free to do the same. I too am a firm believer in people being at least partially responsible for their own happiness. That's why I blame my response as much as the actions that led to it. LOL I had a great bubble bath....in fact it turned into three (the water kept getting cold ) Have an awesome day and take care, Kevin

LOLOL Nick! That is awesome and really sweet! I quite like these lyrics from "Good Morning Beautiful" Good Morning Beautiful, How was your night? Mine was wonderful with you by my side!" **Sigh** I think if someone ever says that to me it'll be one of those "you just made my life" kinda moments (depending on how they say it and the look in their eyes/face). LOL unlikely it'll happen though since I'm looking to say it myself, and once I do that'll make it less likely the same thing will be said on a different morning.....if that make sense?

You're right Kitty, taking the staires is very good excerise. I remember reading that climbing up just 10 flights of staires was equivalent to......well something significant I knew a girl a couple of years ago who got stuck in a restroom stall. She was the girlfriend of one of my best friends and we'd all gone out to the horsetrack for the evening. Anyway she had his phone with her and used it to call my phone so that we could come get her out. But while we were trying to figure out if it was really ok for us to go in there to help her this tough "cowgirl" in the next stall overheard her. Apparently she uttered the phrase "Stand back, honey" and then proceeded to kick the door open. So anyway that's not such an odd fear. I mean if it had been some abandoned restroom and she hadn't had a cell phone, I guess she'd have had to crawl out on her belly or try to climb out on the toliet. I used to like scary movies when I was a kid, but then around 17 or 18 I started empathizing with the people alot more, and it started to freak me out. Which sucks because just the other day I was thinking I wanted to watch the Scream trilogy again, but I think it'll upset me, weird me out or whatever. Anyway I'm actually kinda fond of heights, I find them exhilarating. And I actually feel more "secure" in smaller spaces. I used to be afraid of cheesegraters. That was probably pretty odd. It started out as a generalized blade phobia which I then projected completely and exclusively to cheesegraters, but I'm pretty much entirely over that now. Dentists still make me extremely uncomfortable. That's definitely my worst "concrete" fear. I can't stand going (Thus I brush like 6 times a day). I just want to get up and run when I'm in that chair. It's all the normal stuff too, like the drill etc. But you know what really freak me out? That little mirror and hook thing! I'm still extremly anxious driving around railings; like for bridges and overpasses. But it's the railing (or wall in some places) that freak me out, it's not the height or fear of water. In fact even though I know it's safer WITH the railing, I'd probably feel more comfortable going over stuff without one. I think it's akin to how horses hate "just barely" seeing things in their peripheral vision......I dunno maybe I should get blinders lol. I actually hate driving in general and am very nervous about it on an intellectual level. I'm also fairly uncomfortable doing it, but not usually that panicky, unless I have a near accident or have to put on the breaks fast. I drive with ALOT of distance between me and the next car. I'm perfectly willing to go fast, but I won't follow at all closely. And it's hard to explain but I've got a slight anxiety problem when it comes to "Chaotic" situations. Like walking through the quad at school at lunch makes me nervous. And it's because everyone's making alot of noise and moving in different directions. I would have no problem if everyone was quiet and not moving, or all going the same direction in a fairly organized way. I just can't stand for their to be alot of people all being loud and doing different stuff. Actually I say I can't stand it but I do to some extent everyday. We talked about it once in one of my psyc. classes. I think my brain gets "over-stimulated" too easily. That's probably why I can't stand to listen to music while I read or write (like right now). Why I will not talk unless the TV or Radio is turned off or completely down. Why I can't stand "background" noise (unless it's very low and soothing). And why running water or appliances (or even AC's) make me tense. I don't even notice it until they go off then all of a sudden it's like "ahh" It's weird because of that I'd actually be calmer giving a speech or something in front of a crowd of people all focused on me, than being in the same room with everyone being loud and random. "Excuse me can I have your attention please!......nothing I just wanted you all to hush up for a bit " Anyway take care all and have a great day! Kevin

LOL considering the amount of water I drink, believe me I start everything, be it recipe or not, with a......well you know.

Thanks Luigi, that's good advice. I guess I do need to remember to walk before I can run. I suppose I do have a tendency to rush into things full steam sometimes, then get discouraged and quit all together. I probably would do better if I took it slow. LOL and I love your grandmother's quote by the way!

Happy Birthday Greg! LOL that's a cool way to describe being a 2nd semester Soph. haha I think most people's favorite pastime lies somewhere between pole-dancing and sleeping/eating Being a good liar can definitely come in handy! Just don't use your powers for evil. I know what you mean about seeming outgoing. Or seeming shy for that matter. I'm both depending on the circumstances and my mood. Like with new people or really unfamilar situations I'm very outgoing since I find that to be pretty useful. With people I know, but not that well, or in situations I have some experience with but not alot, I tend to be very quiet and just observe, since I feel like I need to learn more. With very familar people or circumstances I guess I'm just fairly balanced. I'm insane too! Insanity rocks!

I'm working on improving my ambidextrous abilities, I'm naturally right handed but it's fun to be able to go both ways (yes I did mean that with a little innuendo). I'm Catholic and pick and choose my beliefs too. Frankly I think it's a good idea, no one should just believe everything their told without questioning it for themselves (IMO). LOL I hope you figure out what you should be doing, I certainly know what you mean there. I graduate in May with a B.A. in Psychology and Sociology, and now I'm thinking I'm not going to do anything with either. Games rock! I like board games, but I'm much more into card games! Spades is my favorite, I also love Rook, Canasta, Hearts and......welll just about all card games really. I like all the gambling ones too, though I personally like 7 card stud much better than Texas Hold 'em, and I'm sorry that's the one that "caught on" so much. Greenday's great! Thanks for letting us get to know you too! Have an awesome day and take care Kevin That's so cool that you can say "yeah, I'm fluent in nothing, but I speak so many!" Dude! Thanks for giving me an idea with that age thing. 22 has always been my romanticized ideal age (and it has been good), so maybe I can just stay 22 for a few years. HMMMM The cycling thing sounds awesome! I've been thinking of taking it up. I'm a big walker and had started running, but cycling might be fun. Wow that concert pianist thing is fantastic! Go you! I wish I could play the piano. Also totally great that you can sing Personally I don't think anyone's beliefs should be laughed at. Especially if they've actually thought them out, and they work for that person. But no offense, just my opinion. Anyway have a great day and take care, Kevin Edit: So I have a question. I meant to post this as two seperate posts so that it wasn't all long and difficult to follow, but it automatically attached my 2nd post to my 1st one. Why? But then the 3rd one was seperate??

"February made me shiver with every paper I delivered, bad news on the door step, I couldn't take one more step" Well it's here. The month I literally dread all year. I'll just go ahead and say it now; February sucks! ALOT! I'll explain. Two Februarys ago it was pretty much the worst time of my life (thus far). Why? Well tough to say. I know in general I was feeling extremely lonely and pathetic, but there probably wasn't much of a tangible reason. Of course that's what makes it stand out as a period of "semi-depression", if I had a specific reason (unless I let that reason spiral into depression), it woulda just been "I was grieving because ___". Anyway I guess all I can offer in the way of an explanation is that February is always the time school gets tough, it's when all the classes start having their first tests (usually at the same time), and it's just stressful. It's also more hectic at work around that time, and it's kind of a dreary time of the year. I don't think I have seasonal affect disorder (S.A.D.), but my mood is a tad susceptible to the weather. Then of course there's Valentine's day. I was living with a very happy couple, another friend came and stayed with me for about a week so he could be near his girlfriend (and of course they both ended up staying over), and in general it seemed like everyone had someone. And not just romantically either I felt like in general I was drifting away from all my friends, being replaced by S.O's or just different, new friends. So yeah I felt really stressed out, frantic, lonely, and isolated. I also realized how messed up and deep my inability to express negativity went. Everyday I'd get up and go through my day with a nice plastic smile on my face, laughing and joking with everyone, then I'd come home and cry myself to sleep. Don't get me wrong about 90% of the time that I seem happy, I really am, just not always. I just really hate expressing sadness in front of people, though I have made huge progress and can do it much better now. Anger's much worse though, I still can't be openly angry at someone. I have gotten to the point where I can tell everyone else that I'm angry and why, and I've even started to be able to not actively pretend to be happy when I'm angry, but I've still got a ways to go. So anyway back to that February; it sucked and I pretty much wouldn't let anyone know. I finally got over it by being honest and accepting support. I've really never had any problem at all accepting support, and I'm one of those people that WILL talk about his problems if you ask. I do WANT to talk about it, I guess I just want people to figure it out and ask me on their own, but of course that's not really fair or sensible if I'm going to go around pretending to be fine. I mean people don't just stop and ask someone who seems happy "so are you really miserable underneath it all?" "why yes I am! I'm glad you asked." So anyway I finally just told some of my friends, and made a few efforts to compact it into one or two tidy little "things". Like I convinced myself it was because of Valentine's day (which I'm sure in part it was but I doubt that was all of it), I also convinced myself it was because I'd run out of vitamins (yeah really wacko and unlikely I know). Well when Valentine's day arrived I decided "that's it I'm going to get over this". So I dressed up, took myself out to a nice restaurant, then went shopping. And it pretty much worked. So you'd think that would have taken care of it right? Well no. See since I'd made it all about "February", the next year I'd kinda "psyced" myself out for February sucking. Of course it was nothing in comparison. And I'd made it a point to tell everyone I was at all close to about the last February and my general "February unhappiness", so I had alot more support. But I still pretty much managed to make it the worst month of the year. So this year was going to be different. I'd had a really good January for the most part, and I kept telling myself "February isn't going to get you down, you've got a lot of positive momentum going, you'll be fine". I also reminded myself that I was probably making it suck myself, looking for stuff, just starting out in a worse mood etc. So I was going to be fine. Then today happened. It's a long story, but basically I had a lousy day. And I delt with it in a very unhealthy way. I was so stressed out that I just came home and got drunk. The worst part it, that was pretty much the plan. I just didn't want to think about the stuff that was going on anymore, so I actively sought an escape. So I had a shot of tequila and drank two pitchers of Strawberry Margaritas. I had it all planned out, I got ready for bed BEFORE I started drinking, so that all I had to do was just brush my teeth and pass out. And I did. But escapism never really solves anything does it? I slept great for about three and half hours then I woke up slightly nauseous and a tad dizzy and tossed and turned for two hours trying to go back to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about all the garbage I was trying to escape in the first place. So this is plan B. I'm into the whole "it's theraputic to write or talk about it" so that's what I'm doing. I'm also going to have a really nice, hot, long bubble bath when I'm done with this, then try to go back to sleep. So I guess what bothers me the most isn't the "problems" anyway. It's me, it's how I deal with it, it's how I "cause" it in the first place. I mean yeah today sucked, but I know on one of my good days it wouldn't have bothered me at all, or very little. I straight out sabatouged my own day, I knew I was doing it, and I still couldn't stop myself. I also really hate how even the people I'm really crazy about can hurt me, and I still can't TELL THEM. I can whine to everyone else, BUT the person I actually have the problem with......But then it's usually because I get upset about something so stupid or minor in the first place that even I know it's completely unreasonable and stupid, and how am I supposed to argue my side if I'm not even on my side? I mean I guess I could try it from a feelings POV. "when you did X, it made me feel Y, and even though I admit that X is minor it's still bad because it caused me to feel Y" "Ok so if you know X is trival and that I didn't mean to upset you, WHY are you feeling Y?" "uhhh, I dunno." Then it's really stupid because I don't usually get upset over something more serious anyway. Probably because that's the kinda thing people notice and apologize for right away, and that's really all it takes for me to get over something. "gee I'm sorry I got mad and shot you 5 times, I really hope they can save you" "aww that's ok! Don't worry about it. I mean everyone loses their temper sometimes, and you were probably just grumpy today." "so you're not mad?" "no no,it's fine really. Don't worry about it" OK so maybe not that extreme but you get the point, the phrase "I'm sorry" (if uttered sincerely) fixes most of my hurt feelings. Of course there comes a time when I'm thinking "No, it's not enough that you're sorry, try not hurting me in the first place, Jerk" But that's only if the same person keeps doing the same thing. If it's an isolated incident and they really are sorry, it's all good. So I guess the other problem is that I decided to just get drunk instead of dealing with it. I knew I shouldn't, but I convinced myself "well it's all stupid anyway, and if you can just stop thinking about it, it'll be fine.". But that didn't work, I seriously thought it would too! I guess it coulda been worse. I mean I've never had any real trouble with drinking. I don't do it often, I do it in a safe environment, and I'm a happy drunk. I was even happy tonight. I was laughing my butt my off. I've also always made it a point to never drink if I'm upset or not happy in the first place. I mean I know enough about addiction to know that's a bad idea. I think THAT'S what I'm most disappointed about. That I purposely broke my own rule (not to mention my New Year's resolution, but whatever). Still, it obviously didn't work anyway so I doubt I'll be doing it again anytime soon. And I AM proud of myself for not just going to the casino or eating a chocolate mountain or something. I mean those are more "real" and threatening problems for me. Well anyway I'm going to have that bath and try to go back to sleep. I think I do feel better now. And all I have to do is keep reminding myself that just because it's February I don't have to be unhappy. **sigh** I'm going to have to remind myself of that ALOT. LOL I doubt anyone got through this long, whiney, rambling entry in the first place, but if you did thanks for listening, and even if you didn't I did it for me anyway.

Dude that does suck! I'm so sorry. It's definitely completely unfair that she started threatening that suicide stuff right after they started seeing each other. In general I think using the "S word" to keep someone from breaking up with you is a horrible thing to do. I have a couple of friends who were engaged, and the girl broke it off with the guy. Well the guy calls her up and says that unless she takes him back he'll kill himself, then she hears the gun cock. It was horrible and completely manipulative. Anyway would it be possible to talk to him about their relationship? I mean kinda ask him "so you guys have been going out for awhile, are you happy?". I know you said he was happier before, but there's two good reasons I can think of to actually ask him. First it's possible that he'd be a little less happy now than he was then anyway, I mean that period of people's lives can tend to be a little angst-filled. Secondly even if she is the main reason he's been unhappy, he really might not have realized or thought about it. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I guess I'll have to stick with the usual "hang in there" or "it'll all work out in the end". Anyway take care of yourself and I really hope it does work out for the best. Kevin

LOL I didn't realize until about the same point. I did enjoy it Dom! Well done

I just remembered one of my all time favorite quotes when I was reading about Dom trying to pick a title for his new story. Here it is (my quote that is, not Dom's title): "A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken" ~it's from a british sci-fi series of the late 70's/early 80s, called Blake's 7. It was said by Cally in the episode "Mission to Destiny" ***takes off his geeky sci-fi aluminum hat*** Have an awesome day everyone and take care! Kevin

I think one of the main reasons I like doing stuff for myself, and all around being independent, is because growing up people always took care of everything for me. Don't get me wrong it was absolutely great, and I DID try to watch and learn for myself, but when it came down to it most of the time all I had to do was smile and say "please" and "thank you". See as I've mentioned in previous entries. I grew up an only child with my mom and grandparents. Well everyone knows how grandparents tend to "spoil" kids, and my mom was an older mom, and very attentive. So I did get quite a bit of attention. I don't really think I was "spoiled" because if there's one thing I always prided myself on it was being polite, friendly, pleasent, and generous. But I definitely got used to expecting good treatment from people. My friends were the same way. I don't know if I just had the personality of a kid who was used to being taken care or what, but most of them fell into the same pattern. I remember my first grade teacher saying to someone after he'd tied my shoes "well the reason Kevin never learns is because you all do it for him."....of course at the time I was a bit miffed that she was discouraging people from tying my shoe, but she probably had a point. In middle school I had a little "entourage" of friends and classmates who used to follow me around, laugh at all my jokes, etc. I really don't know why. I guess I was fairly entertaining. In High school it was much the same. I drove, but my friends usually just took me places because I was known for having a poor sense of direction, and not liking to drive. At parties they were always there to take care of me when I drank too much, and actually I seldom even had to worry about getting or paying for the alcohol, I just had to show up. I went on lots of fun trips with my closest friends. Most of the time people would take notes for me in class and I'd just xerox a copy, since I had such a lousy handwriting. And I clearly remember when we were about to graduate and I was talking about going to college somewhere else, my two best friends said to me "well you're going to have to live with us so we can look after you". Of course this makes me sound very selfish and helpless. Which I really wasn't. I was the one with the emotional/social skills who could make people feel better, cheer people up, or saying something funny. I also didn't have much of a sense of "property" my attitude with even my more casual friends was always "just help yourself to anything I have." And I always did quite well in school and often helped people with their homework, I was also good at "teaching" people in a way that they'd understand. And I was blessed to be part of a very nice group of people where most of the guys were very "fatherly" all into looking out for everyone, fixing stuff etc. and the girls were very "motherly", into taking care of everyone, and being supportive. Also in general I always attended friendly, nice schools. Oh there were cliques, and goodness knows alot of gossip, but pretty much anyone could go right over to any other group and just start talking to them without being harassed. Don't get me wrong, many people didn't like other people, but the reasons were usually personal, and mutural. In most cases, if you had enemies you'd made them yourself. Anyway the point of all this is that I didn't have a tough time as a "gay teen". Of course I wasn't out, and wouldn't have considered it. No, I liked everything quite the way it was thank you very much. But I didn't actually feel "isolated" or "uncomfortable". I was always pretty self-assured, and never gave a flying F%#@ about public opinion. If there was one thing I did learn from my mom, it was that society, religion, and politics were all far from perfect, and intelligent people had a responsibility to question accepted "facts" for themselves and decide if they made sense. And I did take an active stand against bigotry. My friends tended more toward racial intolerance, though sexual and every other type of intolerance in general were also common (I mean it was the deep south), but I was always the one who did the talking when we were around minorities, and frequently made it a point to remind them "be nice", "so it's not hurting you", or "there's nothing wrong with that". I also made it a point to get to know people who were "different", they were usually the most interesting, intelligent, and often loyal people anyway. People knew where I stood, and occasionally when they were mad my normal "clique" would say stuff like "YOUR friends" or "THOSE people you hang out with", but they didn't bother them. So as arrogant as it sounds I always pretty much figured if I was gay and society at large didn't like it.....then society was just stupid. Anyway I've been checking around, doing some research, and finding alot of sad facts and statistics. I've read some very sad stories about gay teens who ended up killing themselves. It's tragic. I hate how bad some people have it. I hate how bad some people on this site have had it. And I wonder; what can I do? SHOULD I continue with psychology and become a therapist and try to help people feel better emotionally, on an individual level? Or should I become a sociologist and help bring the issues to the forefront by doing and publishing studies. Maybe try to manipulate social thought into a more accepting atmosphere? Maybe I can help as a writer? Perhaps I could try to write something with large market appeal that would also portray homosexuality in a positive, sympathetic light? Also what can I do NOW? I don't have alot of free time, and I'm a little strapped for cash, but maybe I could do some volunteer work or something once or twice a week? I just don't really know. I'm not the activist sort of type. In reality I'd find it much too difficult to risk offending someone, even if it were for a good cause. I'm not blunt or outspoken. I'm not affriad to speak up, but I can't help trying to present everything in the "softest, least likely to offend" manner possible. And I'm the sort of person who would freak out if I did hurt someone's feelings. "oh my gosh, I've just upset the fundamentalist.".........probably doesn't make for the best "warrior", but if there was something I could do to just be supportive or helpful in general, that would be great. I don't know, does anyone have any ideas?

Well I'm not exactly disinclined to agree with you either. I stated all my opinions about it in the forum in the thread about it, but yeah I didn't really "like" it so much as I found it interesting. And yes I did cry a little, but really not that much, and considering I'll cry for almost any sad movie or book, that isn't such an accomplishment.

If I read something billed as a "non-fiction Memoir" and found out that it was embellished in the ways described, Yes I would feel, lied too, cheated whatever. But if it simply said "based on a true story" I wouldn't. It also depends on the subject matter and the target audience. I don't think it's right to write a book about your struggles with drug addiction, and then fabricate/amplify the problems. I mean that makes people think that "if he can overcome it, so can I!". Which MIGHT be a good thing, OR it might not. It may be that they lose the will to try at all when they find out it wasn't true. Or they may go on believing it, and hate themselves for not being able to beat something without going into rehab, or without seeking counseling or something when "the author could do it". The basic problem, IMO, is that when writing that type of book you're either giving people "false hope" or encouraging them to hold themselves to "phony standards". There's just too much potential for harm. Now if he billed it as a "non-fiction memoir", and then wrote about his life in general and added a few details. Making up meeting famous people he never met, or doing exciting things that never happened. Well I wouldn't like that if I found out, but I wouldn't really care. He was just making the story more interesting, and reading about how someone else "found an Ancient Egyptian ring at the bottom of one of those fun-ball things at Chucky Cheese" isn't going to make me go look for one. So in summation I'd say it depends on how the author classifies his work (non-fiction, based on a true story, etc.), and of equal importance the subject matter, and the target audience. Having read your description of what happened, I'd say the guy was out of line. Since he didn't seem to allow for the possibility that his work was "embellished" when he relesed it, since he delt with a potentially vulnerable targe audience (people who might desperately be looking for hope), and since he wrote about serious matters (drug addiction). Anyway all just my opinion. Have an awesome day everyone and take care, Kevin

Welcome Jas! It's great to have you here! Just curious but how'd you pick on "air traffic controler" as the job you didn't really want but would pay well? Seems very high stress. Anyway personally I say pick a job that makes you happy, but of course it isn't any of my business. At least pick a few good hobbies that make you happy Good luck with you dad, I wish you the very best. Take care, dude, and have an awesome day! Kevin

Thanks Aaron, I was unaware of that. I checked ou the Tears for Fears version, and honestly I didn't like it nearly as much. Probably because most people like the "original" better (first version they hear), and in my case the other is the "original" to me. I guess people just get used to something one way. Anyway not only that but while the Tears for Fears version is good, I find the other one to have a much sadder tone, which I think is appropriate for the song. Also I quite like those two quotes. One of my little jokes is to say: A fool and his money are soon par....Hey were's my wallet? hehehe I tend to be cheesy like that. I like those two. The first one is very true. Many people tend to say "well I'm sorry, but....." and then try to justify whatever they did. hehehe it's no more "right" but it actually works much better if you do the excuse/justification first, then move on to the contrite, sincere apology LOL as for the 2nd one, I just love the cynicism

Thanks Michael, You're right I am going to take it easy on the running for awhile. Actually when she made that remark I was technically her supervisor. Also I'm not "out" to her anyway. So while she is very blunt, and probably would state her opinion if asked; I doubt she would have volunteered that comment had she known. Besides that I was ticked off, but I didn't feel at all threatened or harassed. As for the gossip.....well that's just gossip, and the truth is pretty much EVERYONE there would be fired if it came to gossip. Anyway it isn't really my work situation that's unpleasent. I've been having quite a bit of fun in fact. I'm just concerned about Coressa, but she's looking for another job anyway. Actually I don't at all mind "breeders kissing". For one thing I think it's sweet when any two people who are in love kiss. And I'm a little bisexual anyway, so there's really nothing I find disgusting at all about a guy and a girl or two girls (though again I think it's sweeter if their in love ). As one final bit of irony (which I really do hope I'm wrong about), I personally think her fianc

Thanks Zot, I'm sure you're right, "open relationships" and "poly arrangements" probably can work. I just don't personally want to be in one, and have a little trouble understanding them. But of course I should mind my own business and let people be. I'm glad for you pulling it off for 21 years . I hope your relationship continues to be happy and healthy. And you're right it does seem that overall people have lowered their standards, it is sad . Anyway thanks, and have an awesome day! Kevin

Thanks Eric, I appreciate the advice. And I think you're right too. I did a little research and the consenses seems to be that I do need to take it easy until I've recovered, and then change the habits which got me there in the first place. Which sucks since I was just getting to where I could run a pretty good distance at a clip. I suppose I shouldn't have been running on cement though, and I guess my shoes weren't that great. Anyway thanks again, and I will cut out the running for awhile (I may still try to get in some light walking though). Anyway have an awesome day and thanks! Kevin

So today sucked! Let's see where to begin? Well first off I text messaged, then eventually called and old (very dear) friend of mine, Claire. I could write pages on end about the complicated, but awesome sorta past we've had, but to get to the subject at hand; she broke up with her girlfriend, Mary. They'd been dating about two years now too. And actually they were one of those examples of "a happy gay couple I knew in real life". I dunno after hearing all about it, I guess it's for the best. But the thing is it's still really complicated. See my friend is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. So basically the entire time they were going out, she was supporting Mary, she paid all the bills etc. Well when they broke up, she basically just went ahead and let her stay. Then to top it all off, she moved, and Mary moved with her. I mean I guess it isn't really any of my business, but they're broken up, I get that they're still really close, and that's awesome, but I think the least she can do now is start pulling her own weight. I don't know though, I guess if I put myself in her shoes.....I'd have trouble kicking out an ex too, especially if he didn't have anywhere to go, and we hadn't broken up badly (apparently their break up wasn't that messy). But I do think I'd have said something along the lines of "OK so now that we're not together, you can stay till you find a job and a place to live, but then you're on your own, just let me know if you need help". Well anyway the story doesn't end there. Mary's ex girlfriend Pam (from before Claire), is apparently moving back to the state. And planing to move in with them! Pam is in love with Claire it seems, and while Claire likes her as a person, she's doesn't feel that way (Plus, obviously that'd be complicated). Well Mary now wants Claire back, and Claire thinks it's because she's worried/jealous about something happening with Pam and Claire. Pam's solution to all this is what really depressed me about humanity. "why don't we all be together?" Some kinda three way relationship or something. I shouldn't criticize I know, but a monogamous (two person) relationship, is a value I hold rather dear. Anyway Claire, rightly, pointed out that was crazy and there's no way she'd go in for that (go Claire!). It just upset me that that was a real "viable alternative" or whatever. And it also upsets me because I feel Claire's totally getting the shaft here, and she's one of my all time favorite people. Then I'm also upset because they pretty much were the last "successful" gay couple I knew, so I guess I'm disillusioned. I guess it doesn't have anything to do with being gay anyway. Straight couples face problems with cheating and lack of commitment too.....but uh...that really doesn't make me feel any better. I mean monogamy does exist right?? Actually I still know of a few successful cases firsthand (in the straight community). Anyway moving right along. Something's wrong with my knee and I don't know why or what. It just hurts to touch it, but I can't see a bruise. My shins are killing me, I think I'm developing "shin splints". And this morning, Lucky was running along side of me, so I had to walk closer to the wall than I wanted to, to avoid stepping on her, and I scrapped my toe against the corner part of the wall. So yeah my legs aren't doing so well right now. I get plenty of sleep, but still had a really tough time getting out of bed. I almost just skipped my class, but instead I rushed and made it last minute. Then I got to work and everything just went down hill from there (note the saracasm). When this semester started, I transferred to a different location. Well today the owner tells me he's decided to promote Kim to manager (the position vacated by my transfer). This sucks because Kim's the one I had the complicated, conflicted relationship with at work. And like the last week I was there, she thoroughly ticked me off with a homophobic remark. Someone was talking about a movie (no not Brokeback) and It was something like "As long as there's no gay stuff, it's so nasty when guys kiss". Of course we already weren't getting along that great, but that didn't help. So then I find out that my remaining close friend over there, Coressa, is having a really tough time with Kim. We were good friends, and I suspect alot of this is, at least indirectly my fault. Plus she told me Kim's been talking about how nice it is that I'm gone, which in all fairness I'm really happy about not working with her anymore too, but still. Anyway the worst part is that the owner is more or less on Kim's side, and there's no one to stick up for Coressa. I tried to put a good word in for her, but there's very little I can do not being directly involved anymore. So anyway I think this is bothering me the most, because I feel all sorts of guilt and responsibility about this, which I could, and maybe eventually will explain, but I don't have time right now. No right now I must go sit through the most boring class I have this semester. Oh yeah I'm running late too

LOLOL Zarcie, I guess a fellow user always does know. MMMMMM Chocolate ganache! And WOW that's so awesome working in a chocolate shop. It's like a childhood (OK maybe adulthood) fantasy come true! LOL have an awesome day and take care! Kevin