AFriendlyFace

Roberta Flack did the original "Killing Me Softly with His Song" (written by Norman Gimbel and Charles Fox), which the Fugees re-did a few years ago. Rumor has it the "boy" is Don McLean, singer of American Pie, Vincent, and other great songs. Strumming my fate with his fingers Singing my life with his words Killing me softly with song Telling my whole life With his words, killing me softly With his song I heard he sang a good song I heard he had a sound and So I came to see him, To listen for a while And there he was this young boy A stranger to my eyes Strumming my fate with his fingers... I love that song, personally I like Anne Murray's cover the best, but it's more difficult to find.

Hey Nick, I loved chapter 36, it seems like it must have been a major turning point in your family dynamic. Great chapter! I'm sorry the play didn't go that well, but at least Taylor did well, and as long as he had a good time . Anyway have a great day and take care, Kevin

Hey Viv! Don't worry I'm sure you'll get your Christmas stuff in order soon. I'm planning to wrap my Christmas presents tonight, and I DEFINITELY need to get on the card thing. I'd probably be tempted to put off the Santa talk myself. LOL on the bright side if you put it off another week or so. You'd might as well put it off for another year . Good luck getting everything taken care of! Have an awesome day. Kevin

"I drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain" ~Dido Thank You I love that song. I'm not sure why really. It doesn't really SEEM like a sound or style I'd like that much, but it's one of my favorites (gotta be since I still play it all the time and it's several years old). I think it's because it's kinda romantic if you think about it. She's singing about all this bad stuff happening to her, and then her guy calls (or hands her towel ) and suddenly it's the best day of her life. Anyway unfortunately the lyrics I quoted apply to me perfectly right now . I went to an early Christmas party some people at work were having last night. I had a really great time. I got to see several people who I used to work with but had quit, and met some new people who were somehow attached to other people I knew. Anyway it was really fun, and gave me a nice excuse to dress up (which I always love lol). Actually I'm surprised what I was wearing didn't "tip anyone off", but I guess I just looked really metro. Well anyway I'm the kinda person who likes to taste a little of everything, and unfortunately there was quite a few different types of liquor, and it seemed like every time I turned around someone was handing me a drink. So anyway I had an awesome time, but I don't think I've been that drunk in 3 or 4 years. It's strange I thought I was like "immune" to hangovers. I mean I haven't drank much anyway in the last 4 years, but even when I used to I never got them. I always attributed it to the insane amount of water I always drink. Anyway today I definitely had one. I really wasn't expecting it, I guess it's largely because I didn't eat much yesterday, and I only got like 4 hours of sleep. I actually always feel like I have a "hangover" if I don't get a full night's sleep. In fact when I woke up I was thinking "oh wow, this is just like I feel when I don't get enough sleep, only worse!" So I went to work, and I arranged to take off from the 28th-2nd in order to go to Houston (yep that's where I'm planning to move to now), and see if I can find somewhere suitable to live when I move. And I guess I'll check out the campus (even though now I really don't think I'm going to make the deadline) and try to get a feel for the city. So I'm pretty excited, I can't stand not knowing where I'm going to be living, and it just came time to renew (or in my case NOT renew) the leases at my current apartment, so I was pretty much really nervous about the fact that if I didn't figure something out I wouldn't have anywhere to live in May. It kinda looks like it's all falling into place though, I really do think this is the right thing for me to do (thanks again everyone! You guys really made me feel better about my decision.), and even my boss was like "yeah, I think you're making the right choice" (which is another relief, I didn't know how I was going to quit....LOL I guess you could say I put in my "5 month's notice" ). Anyway so all of that's good, but unfortunately taking all this time off, combined with the fact that I was getting less hours anyway (it always slows down this time of year), means that my next check will probably be LESS THAN HALF of what I normally make . And it won't pick up again for another month. Fortunately I'm obsessive about saving money and should be able to make do, but I hate that'll have to dip so much into savings, and reduce my lifestyle expenses. LOL on a sidenote a gay friend of mine from work is trying to set me up with a girl. Goodness, I must really be off the radar . I know I should probably just explain to him why I'm not interested, but that'd seem kinda weird since I'm closer with alot of other people at work and I haven't told them. Plus I've always kinda gotten the feeling he was into me and while he's really sweet, and not at all bad looking, he's just not my type. Also he's not that great at keeping secrets, and while I'm sure he'd try it'd be really hard for him. Anyway I think I'm just going to have a quite evening, go to church, wrap my christmas presents (kinda lookin forward to that!), take a nice hot bubble bath and probably play with those bath toys I bought awhile back (I know, I know, I'm like 8 ), then hopefully get to bed early. Have an awesome day/week everyone! Kevin

Hey Nick, I'm really glad for you that you're completely out, and everything's going ok! LOL that's very funny about the whale in a broom closet . It's not so much that I'd be worried about any direct consequences. It's more the "gossip factor". All my old classmates (and their families), aren't the type that would likely make rude comments or threats to someone's face, but they'll trash them good behind their backs. I have no doubt at all that I would be subject to that. In fact a couple of months ago, after the Rosary/wake of a mutual friend's father (boy was that awful too, he was the nicest man, and his son and I have been good friends since kindergarden), I got together with several of my old highschool friends for dinner. And I think almost "outed" myself when one of them started talking meanly about a gay friend I had in highschool, and I pretty much told him where I thought he could shove it in no uncertain terms. I kinda felt bad afterwards since I did embarrass him in front of the whole table, and he's also been a good friend since kindergarden. But he's exactly the type I'm talking about. A good person, really nice guy, but just could never "get it". And I know he'd be pretty disappointed/upset/hurt if he found out about me. Anyway have an awesome day Nick, and I look forward to reading your next chapter. Take care. Kevin

Hey M, That's wonderful that you have two kids of you own Yes, one of the things that worries me is that my future partner may not want kids. But I'm sure that'll work out. Yes in many ways some of her changes, especially lifestyle related ones, have been very sudden. Thanks for your evaluation of my friendship . I definitely do miss the way things used to be between us. I hope you're right in that someday perhaps she'll establish some kind of blend between the "old" and "new" aspects of her life. As far as the apparent contradiction goes, no she didn't say anything about it herself.......A different co-worker who was a little ticked off at her brought it up though Anyway have a great day! Kevin

Hey Andronicus! Thanks very much for your kind words. I appreciate the time you and everyone else put into reading my (often long, rambling) blog, and any and all input is always welcome. Don't worry I didn't take what you meant that way at all, I just wanted to explain more about why I wasn't. And you're right it would have gotten increasingly difficult had I decided to stay, and I probably would have ended up coming up. I just more weighed the pros and cons and decided that I'd just stick it out for another few months. Thanks again, that's very very nice of you to say! . LOL and I didn't mean to imply that I was that well-adjusted anyway, I definitely got some stuff I should work on. I also definitely agree with your observation that some guys wouldn't even think about dating someone in the closet. I also think that's a pretty valid position. It definitely makes things more complicated, and I wouldn't want to put my boyfriend through that anyway. In fact the main impetus for me coming out to my mom at all, wasn't just for our relationship, but also largely because I realized I'd never want to keep her and a potential serious relationship apart. I'd want them to get to know each other etc. Anyway thanks again for the concern, and don't worry I took no offense at all

And what's wrong with getting emotionally involved? Wouldn't it be worse to be indifferent or cynical? You can care, but manage to keep an appropriate professional relationship.. Not that it's always easy. Thanks Glomph, I guess you're right it would be worse to be indifferent or cynical. I was just thinking it would be tough to go home and leave the problems at the office so to speak. But you're right, eventually I might get better at maintaining a professional relationship. I'm still not really sure, I definitely need to sit down and sort out what I want to apply in: psychology, sociology, or literature/writing. LOL and I'd better hurry! Thanks again for giving me something to think about, and have a great day. Kevin

Thanks Michael! I really think I will, I feel better now, especially since I'm done with finals. Now I really need to turn my attention to grad. school applications! And particularly trying to write something worth submitting. Thanks again, and have a great day Kevin

LOL I just laughed so loud it actually echoed Dom, seriously I want to take the opportunity to tell you that you're a truly awesome writer! Hope it warms up in your area soon, and have a great day! Kevin

Happy Birthday Kitty!! Sorry I'm a little late, I hope it was an awesome one! Kevin

Hey James, Thanks for the advice, I know what you mean. Intolerence is, sadly, engrained in the culture. Unfortunately I was considering Texas as my new location....lol, but Houston, so I figured it might not be as bad there. Anyway ultimately, not to be unpatriotic, but I thought it would be cool to move to Canada. I've known many Canadians through various things and literally never met one I didn't think was really cool and nice. Anyway thanks, and even if I did stay around for awhile, I don't plan to spend the rest of my life here. Take care and have a great day! Kevin

Hey Glomph, Thanks for pointing that out, it does give me something to think about. I hadn't really realized the contradiction before. And you're right I have got a problem with needing to be needed. LOL I need to work on that. Also I don't think I'd like any other aspect of psychology with the possible exception of becoming a prof., but in order to get tenure I'd have to conduct research, which is really what puts me off of the whole thing. I think I'd like the clinical aspect, except that it might be hard to not get emotionally involved....Anyway thanks for giving me something to think about, and have an awesome day! Kevin

Thanks Bev! And I must say your son is very lucky to have a mother like you . I am happy and try to let her know it. And you all are right, I think I must make a good start on getting my life in order and starting down my "path". Thanks again for the kind post, and have a really awesome day, take care Kevin

Hey Vic! Sorry I in no way meant to "dis" sociology, I really love it actually and find it very interesting. I actually had considered the option of doing like field studies into the gay community or something and trying to help dispell unhealthy myths and stereotypes. I guess it's still a possibility and actually even on the issue of ultimately being a professor, that wouldn't be so bad either. I suspect in the end I'll end up SOME kind of professor, and hopefully write on the side. Just for the most part I'm turned off by doing research, though I'm definitely more turned off by psychological research than sociological research. Thanks also for the link, I check it out some and will go through it in more detail later Have an awesome day, take care and thanks again! Kevin

Aww thank you Viv! Those were very kind things of you to say . And I also know that I would feel that way if I had a child. And I definitely think you're right, in the end I'll have to follow my heart, and right now I think it's time for me to deal with romantic/career aspects of my life I just hope I can sort it out. Anyway thanks again (and BTW I really LOVED you're story) Take care and have a great day! Kevin

Thank you Michael, I think you're right. I know I do need to go and find my own city, boyfriend, career. I'm happy and content in the present, but I'll need those things to have a fulfilling future. My only trouble is deciding if I should postpone it until a more opportune time, or if I should just go with it now, and hope that I can offer any support needed via calls and visits. And yes I am pretty sure I need to this, and probably won't be happy if I put it off. So I will You're definitely right about the need to write something every day too. I've gotten that advice before, and know it to be sage. I'm just so.....lazy I guess, and can't seem to stick to it. LOL Unless of course you count blog posting as "writing something" Anyway thank you and have an awesome day (hope your cold etc. is all cleared up too btw) Kevin

Thanks Sharon, I'm sure you're right, she probably doesn't want me to feel that her responsiblities are mine. But I still feel that way, in that it's as much my family as hers. And while it's true that it would be her responsibility to look after her elderly parents, in a way they "raised" me too, so I certainly feel the same way. I just hope you're right; that she will let me know if there's anything I can do. Anyway thank you, and have an awesome day! Kevin

LOL I don't think you can, just have to make the best of it once you do it I think. LOL once a few years ago I meant to call someone, but out of habit dialed the number to a good friend of mine instead. Boy I was surprised when he picked up instead of the person I mean to call! LOL I just said "hey! I was just calling to chat......" lol reminded me of that

Oh my, that is perhaps the cutest dog I've seen in weeks! What an awesome dog, labs and golden retrievers are my favorite breed, we had a few black labs on the farm growing up (I didn't grow up on the farm, we lived in the city, but went out to see the animals), anyway they were great, but I've always thought yellow labs were prettier dogs, and of course all labs and golden retrievers seem to be sweethearts. I hope he comes through his surgery well Kevin

Hey Viv! I just read your story, I love it!! It's really great, I can't wait till chapter 6 comes out! BTW didn't you say you recently sent a new chapter in? Shows the newest post as Nov. 30th, does it take a couple of days to post or something? Anyway really looking forward to the next, great job Kevin

So here's the thing. (YEAH it's gonna be a long thing just to warn you guys) I currently attend college about 70 or 80 miles away from the small city in which I grew up. I attended a very preppy private high school, and loved it. I have no complaints worth making about my childhood. BUT here's the thing. It's true what they say about the gossip factor. And given that my high school/city/circle or whatever is fairly small, everyone really is in everyone elses buisness. I don't have issues with my sexuality, nor do I feel the need to apologize for anything. BUT at the same time some of my closest friends and some members of my family just plain could never comfortably accept it. I don't blame them in the least, nor does it really bother me. They're simply a product of their background and culture (Deep, conservative South). They don't understand it, and never will. And I really don't care, I don't doubt for a minute that these people love me and care about me. Which actually means that it'll be really hurtful and confusing for them. I have certain friends that I just could never imagine "hating me" for it, but at the same time could never like, accept, or even really tolerate it. SO it's not an issue in that I don't need their approval, and I'm also a fairly "compartmentalized" person, I share some stuff with some people, and other stuff with other people, and no just because I don't share this with some people I DON'T feel like I"m living a lie, or like I'm not really close to them. I can understand other people feeling that way, but it isn't the way I feel. Everything we talk about and do is real, I just avoid the topic altogether. Besides this isn't everyone, I probably have as many close friends/family members that could deal with as that couldn't, it's just I'm not willing to hurt the ones that couldn't. Anyway the thing is literally the majority of my high school class came to school here. So even though I don't see many of them that much anymore, and could probably just level with the ones I've kept up with. It would still eventually get back to my home town. Which I think would be even worse than if I'd just come out to everyone. So basically I've never felt comfortable trying to date here. I wouldn't want to/be willing to "hide" a relationship, and it really wouldn't be fair either. Well actually that wasn't so much of a problem until a few months ago. Until then I'd pretty much been totally disillusioned by the whole romance/love thing anyway, BUT I reassed my priorities, sorted alot of junk out, and came out of the whole thing with a kind of bubbley idealistic enthusiasm which I hadn't really experienced in quite sometime. I mean I've always been a fairly happy, optimistic, cheerful person. But I'd always tinged it a little with a grimmer, cynical, more realistic side especially where romance concerned (and no I never had a really bad experience or anything, I just gradually got disillusioned seeing once happy couples split up). I pretty much decided "screw it, I want to be happy and enthusastic about life. I want to just see the good." and so I went ahead and let my more negative, cynical qualities fade away. Anyway point is now I'm really into the whole romance thing, and actually pretty darn optimistic about my chances of finding some terrific guy to spend the rest of my life with. Add this to the fact that I graduate in May and plan to move somewhere new for grad. school, and you'd think everything was looking up, and mostly problem free. I mean all I have to do is bide my time a few months longer right? Well it's not quite that simple. For starters I'm majoring in psychology/sociology, and now pretty much think I don't want to do anything with either. I'd always wanted to be a psychologist, but I don't think I'd be able to keep enough "distance". I mean I think I'd just want to get up and hug the person and be their friend, which may not exactly be the best thing for a therapist. As for sociology, well all I could do with basically is teach sociology, which wouldn't be that bad, but probably not THAT fulfilling either. So anyway I'd always fancied myself a writer anyway. I really enjoy the whole creative process. So I thought "ok, I'll go to grad school for English or creative writing or something, get a degree, get a job which uses it, and write recreationally on the side". The only problem is deadlines are coming up REALLY fast and I need to have some stuff written to send in, and what I make up for in creativity, I more than lose in discipline. Simply put I've got tons of ideas, but not enough attention span/work ethic to actually turn them into anything substantial. Which of course makes me doubt rather I'd ever be suited as a writer anyway, but more imminently is likely to keep me from completing something within the deadlines. Anyway, the way I was planing to sort this out was. I'd still move to my city of choice, sit out a year and just work, hopefully find time to write on the side with less pressure, and VERY hopefully find a good relationship while I"m at it. Well this is almost perfect. There's just one snag really; I'll feel horribly guilty about it. See my immediate family consists of my mom, grandma and grandpa (the three of whom raised me), and my aunt and cousin. Well my grandparents are getting up there, 80 and 84. And my grandmother has alzhiemer's (wish I knew how to spell that, someone feel free to correct me), which is very difficult for my mom, and grandfather (who literally still has a better memory than me) to have to put up with. Then there's the issue of my Aunt and cousin. My aunt kinda slipped into this like lowgrade (I think lowgrade,,,,maybe not ) depression a few years back, and basically quit working and lived off of her credit cards all this time. Well now it's catching up to her, and while my grandparents offer occasional support, she's too proud to actually let them know the extent of her troubles, and as such could become homeless at any time. Then there's the fact that my cousin won't go anywhere near my grandmother, because a few years ago (yes YEARS ago) my grandmother said something insulting to her and she's never gotten over it. And of course her mom uses that as an excuse to also stay away from my grandmother, since she always gives her a hard time about the whole economic situation. So basically my family's got a lot of problems/potential problems, and I hate to run out on them. Plus most all the burden will fall to my mother to look after everyone. So today I talked to her about it (not about all this, just the general fact that I was planning to move). Just casually like "I wanna go visit the state over the break and maybe try to pick out an apartment". Anyway I never really expected her to try to "stop me" I mean she hasn't really tried to stop me from doing anything since before high school, I just expected her to mention reasons why I shouldn't. Or maybe even lay on a slight guilt trip (which wouldn't have been hard). But instead she was like "yeah that's a good idea", and words to that effect. SO basically I'm thinking the only reason she's saying that is because she's already pretty much figured the samethings I figured, and thinks it's the best thing for me. Which really just makes me feel guiltier. Plus I really think if anyone's going to get my cousin to quit being such a spoiled brat about this, it'll have to be me. We used to be really close as kids, more like brother/sister in some ways than cousins. So I think I might have to just sit her down and tell her to "pull her head out" and get on with life. But on the other hand it's risky in that she doesn't take criticism well, and obviously is good at holding a grudge, I really don't want to alienate her. Especially since she's the only other person in my family I'd be likely to come out to anytime soon. Either way I'm just going to have to try to talk to her about it before I move. Anyway sorry this was such a long one. I guess I just wanted to rant a little. Have a great day everyone and take care! Kevin

Thanks Libbonobo! LOL I often do eat desert first I'm so sorry your sister had so much trouble, Michael, it's awesome that you now have a little niece and nephew though!

Hey Guys! Well it wasn't so much cramps, I just felt like I was trying to "relearn" it or something, I don't think I did it fast enough to get cramps. I guess I should like practice or something, the last time I actually sat down and tried to write much was when I was doing it with my left hand trying to learn to be ambidextrous, which I did kinda pull off, I can eat and brush my teeth and other such things almost as well left-handed. The writing is horrible, but then as I was saying, it's bad right-handed too lol! Anyway I'm glad to be back to my keyboard! Have a fantastic week! Kevin