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AFriendlyFace

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  1. AFriendlyFace

    Damn Tape!

    By AFriendlyFace,

    So I did really well on moving day. I didn't cry once all day, and we were just about finished. In fact I was literally trying to tape up the last box. Then it just sort of hit me that this was the last box, then the stupid tape got stuck to the roll, and it was the final straw, and I just started crying. All in all the day wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be though, and we made plans to see each other for Christmas and next summer.
     
    I've also been spending time with other friends and I think stuff's going to be okay.
     
    I'm a bit...ambivalent about stuff at work though. My manager abruptly and quit unexpectedly quit and there was a big shake up as a result. On the plus side I was assigned to the team of the manager I wanted, but on the down side our team was pretty much completely destroyed and I'll no longer be working directly with any of my former teammates, including the one I was getting to be fairly close with
     
    Still, I guess everything's going to be okay, and I'm always talking about how I like change *shrug*
     
    My cousin was in town the last few days. Her best friend's parents live in Houston so she was visiting with her. It was nice seeing her, but the other day we went out to dinner and she did say something that made me a bit sad. She said, very casually, "I'd never date someone poor" It just struck me as horribly elitist and all around closed-minded. I don't know where she gets off saying stuff like that anyway. By all accounts I had a more "preppy", potentially snobby background than she did and I'd never even think of entertaining such notions. On the other hand she's a less romantic "love oriented" person anyway. I remember the other thing she said a few years ago that made me sad was when she essentially said that someone was a fool to make a major sacrifice for love. Apparently it just wasn't very "practical or realistic".
     
    *sigh* I suppose my family, like all others, has it's fair share of issues and downfalls.
     
    Still, she's also had a more difficult life than I have, so I guess I have no right to fault her priorities.
     
    Anyway, I have some major cleaning up to do before bed, and I have to be up early, so I'd better get on that.
     
    Take care all and have an awesome day
    Kevin
  2. AFriendlyFace
    I've been crying alot...still am actually. I knew it would hurt, but I didn't know it would hurt this much. It's my own fault actually, I think for awhile I didn't believe it was really going to happen. I guess I thought something would come up and they'd stay. But they're not staying.
     
    About ten months ago, I was in a precarious place in my life. I was unsuccessful and miserable at the job I had been doing and had finally quit. I was hundreds of miles from any family or old friends, I'd only made about three "sort of friends" in my new city, and the one I was closest with had just moved away for school. But it was coming out day and I decided I should "come out", well in the most literal sense, I knew I needed to get out and meet people instead of sitting at home worrying about finding a new job.
     
    So I found information about this campus group that was meeting that day - a group open to everyone - and I figured "well, it might be fun". So I went...well I tried to, I wasn't very familiar with the campus and I got a bit lost. Then Jesse found me wondering the area and she asked "Are you looking for the gay and lesbian group?". I was. And I found them.
     
    Later that evening after the little get together Jesse, and her girlfriend Megan decided to have a party at their place. So I went, further got acquainted with my new friends. Played games, mingled, laughed, all around had fun...drank too much though. WAY TO MUCH. I'm an out-going person, but even I was a tad intimidated elbowing my way into a group of already established friends. Didn't show it though, not at first anyway. But I did drink too much, and I was worried about my job situation, and my life in general I guess.
     
    After all but two other people had left I finally ended up in the bathroom with Megan sitting on the floor talking (and eventually crying). We chatted a lot, I confessed that I'd been scared to come that night. She said I shouldn't have been. Everyone liked me and everyone was welcome anyway. She also said she'd had no idea I was nervous. That I appeared so confident. I said that what I really wanted was some people I could trust. She said not to worry, that they'd look after after me. And they did. Without fail, every single time I needed them.
     
    Megan got me a new job at the place where she worked. She didn't just get me the job, she made sure it went well for me. Every time I screwed something up she fixed it. It was amazing actually, it seemed like for the first month every time I turned around I was messing something up and she just happened to be there to take care of it.
     
    Jesse, who knew a ton of people, introduced me to most of them. She made sure I was included in all the club events, and not just the club events, but all the social events as well. As time went on we started a little tradition. Virtually every single Friday we'd hang out, grab lunch, go shopping, watch a movie, go work out, or any/all of these. When it came time to move she helped me find my new place.
     
    I did countless, fun things with each of them - together and separate. I'll never forget how me and Jesse decided we wanted to play raquette ball, only neither one of us could remember the rules. So we just made up our own, we were on the same team actually, it was us against the ball and the wall, and I think we won, at least until we ended up exhausted and laughing hysterically on the floor like a couple of kids.
     
    Megan and I used to have the most amazing conversations. They were always so much fun. We had the same sort of humour. Most recently we (and a bunch of other people) went to see Harry Potter. At this one point Harry said something innocent enough, but we looked at each and both started laughing like mad. Never said anything, we both knew why it was funny.
     
    I guess it's odd being so close with a couple. Most of the time it was just the three of us hanging out. You'd think I'd have felt like a 3rd wheel. Never did though.
     
    Their wedding was so beautiful. Jesse accidentally left her bouquet at home and the whole thing was delayed about 45 minutes while I ran back to their place to get it (and Megan worked on some last minute speaker problems). It was so...fitting though in an odd sort of way. It didn't mess anything up though. It was still...perfect.
     
    I suppose I realized it was real at the reception. I was just laughing and talking with everyone - it was so nice to see all of my (and Megan's) old work friends, as well as all of my (and Jesse's) group friends. So I was just catching up, mingling and such, and it came time to do the toasts. Naturally I wanted to toast them on their special night. Couldn't get through it though, I mean I guess technically I did, but halfway through I got really choked up. Never even saw it coming. Since then I've pretty much cried every time I gave their move any serious thought. It's been awful this last week. I've pretty much teared up at least once every day. Today...well today I cried pretty much the entire time I was in my truck driving around between appointments. I probably looked like crap.
     
    I used to be so much more mature than this. I mean intellectually I'm really happy and excited for them and I want them to go because it's time and it's a great opportunity for them. At the same time there's a small part that just wants to pout. That's a little angry that they're leaving. I guess no one's ever really left me before. I've always done the leaving. It's different that way. When I moved from Baton Rouge I missed my friends like mad. I did cry after I said goodbye to them for the last time...but it's different, I was leaving, I was the one who had something to be excited about, who'd made the decision. Anyway how does someone lose their two best friends AT ONCE?
     
    But I've made a vow to myself. I'm not going to make this hard for them, and I'm not going to make this about me. I'll bitch, and whine to my other friends, I'll cry a ton on my own, I'll tell them how much I love them and how much I'll miss them, but I won't guilt them, and I won't show them just how sad I am.
     
    What I will do is get up and go to their farewell party - it's tonight. I don't want to go. It's stupid, it's childish, but I just want to lock myself up at home and pretend it isn't happening, that there is no farewell party, that they're not going. But they are going, and I'm not going to ruin it. So I'm going to dry my eyes, fix myself up like I would any other night I go out, and wear my biggest party smile.
     
    And in four days, when it comes time for them to drive away I'll see them off, and I won't say the two syllables I most want to say: "Don't go". Instead I'll say the two syllables that will break my heart: "Goodbye".
  3. AFriendlyFace
    So this is a thread that's going on in the "Games and Humor" section of The Lounge, right now, but I had so much fun with it I thought I'd post it here too!
     
    *****************
    IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
    So, here's how it works:
     
    1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
    2. Put it on shuffle
    3. Press play
    4. For every question, type the song that's playing
    5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
    6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
     
     
     
    1. Opening Credits:
    "Kick Off" - "Relient K
    (Whoa! What an amazing coincidence! This isn't even really a "song" just sort of an intro to "kick off" a cd...or the movie of my life I guess )
     
    2. Waking Up:
    "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" - Loretta Lynn
    (Not as apt as the last one, but this seems like excellent advice to give someone at the beginning of anything)
     
     
    3. First Day Of School:
    "Sexy Back" - Justin Timberlake
    (Ohhh yeah! There's an entrance for you! )
     
     
    4. Falling In Love:
    "Killing Me Softly" - Roberta Flack
    (awww!! "He sang as if he knew me")
     
     
    5. Fight Song:
    "S.O.S." - Rhianna
    ( I'll dance them to death! LOL, I guess at least the title works if I'm losing the fight)
     
    6. Breaking Up: **crosses his fingers for "Tainted Love"**
    "I Will Survive" - Gloria Gaynor
    (Oh my gosh!!! This is PERFECT!)
     
     
    7. Life:
    "Fell In Love with a Girl" - The White Stripes
    (What!?! LOL, well I guess I'm young still, so we'll see )
     
     
    8. Mental Breakdown:
    "Omobolasire" - Prozzak
    (LOL well "I was delirious", but mostly this a big miss!)
     
     
    9. Driving:
    "Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year" - Fall Out Boy
    (Not their best work, but this is okay to drive to)
     
     
    10. Flashback:
    "Crocodile Rock" - Elton John
    (Ohh, this is delightfully nostalgic )
     
     
    11. Getting Back Together:
    "I Touch Myself" - Unknown 80s
    ( Shouldn't this NOT be necessary anymore if we're getting back together? )
     
     
    12. Losing Your Virginity: (on second thought I'm just happy I didn't get 11's song here!! )
    "Hey Ya" - Outkast
    (OK! Funky, fun, and high energy, and besides "Sex is always better when there's feelings involved")
     
     
    13. Wedding:
    "The Origin of Love" - Hedwig and the Angry Inch
    (WOW! Perfect, my two best friends that just got married actually used a brief selection of The Origin of Love in their vows)
     
    14. Birth Of A Child:
    "Wonderful" - Everclear
    (Oh no!!! What a horrible song for this section This song is about the pain a child goes through when their parents split up. Yikes, I guess this means we're going break up and screw the kid up )
     
    15. Final Battle:
    "Pain" - Three Days Grace
    (Ohh, one of my favourite songs!! Still it doesn't bode well for the battle does it?)
     
     
    16. Funeral Song:
    "Fallen" - Sarah McLachlan
    (Sure, pretty much any Sarah McLachlan song is okay to die/be buried to - and I do mean that in the nicest possible way - besides this is one of my favourites of hers)
     
     
    17. End Credits:
    "Seasons of Love" - Rent
    (Wow! Wasn't this actually the ending credits song?! Awesome movie/play!)
     
    *********
     
    So I feel like I had amazingly lucky results! They were almost all surprisingly good fits! You guys please feel free to post your own results or comment on mine/others.
     
    Take care and have an awesome day!
    Kevin
  4. AFriendlyFace

    Bitch!

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Who you may ask? That'd be me
     
    I've been a royal jerk to pretty much everyone the last few weeks. I pretty much realized I'd gone completely over the edge today when I was at work and one of my co-workers was helping me with some paperwork. I'd made a mistake on one of the forms and she was explaining what I'd done wrong and what I needed to do to fix it (which wasn't pleasant, and was a lot of work). Anyway I guess I was starring at her like I didn't understand or something because she explained it again, nicely I might add, and asked "does that make sense?". And I just pretty much went off and said "Yeah, I understand it; I'm just not happy about it ". She didn't say anything, was still quite nice really, but I knew I'd crossed a line.
     
    There was no real reason for it either. By all accounts it should have been a good day. I mean I'd actually done quite well for the week and even if this deal had been completely unsalvageable, which it wasn't, it wouldn't have really mattered that much. Plus everyone else was in a perfectly good mood and being quite nice to me. I was just being an all around cranky bitch.
     
    Not just at work either. With all my friends lately I've pretty much been hypersensitive and all but looking for trouble. It seems I've been going out of my way to either be offended, annoyed, or hurt by them. The ones that have stayed on my "good side" are pretty much the ones that are extremely sympathetic, and rational and have basically let me whine and...use them
     
    I've kinda been doing nothing but "taking" and not giving when it comes to my family too.
     
    *sigh* and I guess my whole attitude has been...different. The other day someone pointed out that I was being very negative. Then later I got a "You're so aggressive", which actually was probably a compliment since it took place in a club and he was referring to my sexual behaviour (which he was into), but nevertheless... I was troubled by these remarks and asked a close friend if he thought I was too pushy. He diplomatically responded "you're just very assertive".
     
    It's a sad and frustrating thing. I never really felt like people were taking advantage of me before, but I was always laid-back, positive, and easy-going. I like to think I used to be a rather giving person...I guess I went from never saying "No", to never expecting to hear it.
     
    Then there's driving...YIKES , when I look back on the way I've been driving (weaving in and out of traffic, speeding, tailgating, accelerating to get through lights, etc.) it kinda scares me.
     
    I've pretty much been ignoring Lucky (my cat) too.
     
    Anyway, I know I need to fix it. I know I need to change. I know I need to care. And I'm going to. I apologized (twice) to everyone at work, and I'm going to work on making amends in the other areas as well. See I've always had one really good thing going for me. No matter what I've always been on my own side. I've always liked and respected myself. I've always prided myself on being my own best friend...well I was starting to get on my nerves too. So I know it's time to fix it.
  5. AFriendlyFace
    So I had a bit of time today between appointments and I remembered that I was running low on toothpaste and deodorant. So I figured I'd pop into the nearest drugstore - a Walgreens - and pick some up. Well I had no trouble finding the toothpaste I was after (Crest Vivid White in the "invigorating mint" flavour ). The deodorant on the other hand proved to be much more difficult! I'd literally walked down every aisle and STILL hadn't found it. The very last aisle that I checked, the aisle which I was sure must contain it (since I'd checked every other aisle) turned out to be equally devoid of all things antiperspirant. Instead it turned out to be the condom/lube/personal hygiene aisle. In frustration I said to myself (in my head) "NO, I don't need condoms right now, just deodorant".
     
    As I turned away and walked back into the center aisle a very friendly, very eager-to-please Walgreens associate stopped me and asked:
     
    "Can I help you find anything?"
     
    now this question came as quite a relief to me, so I smiled and very enthusiastically replied:
     
    "Yes! Where are the condoms?"
     

     
    Apparently they were still on my mind...and lips as it turned out.
     
     
    Oh well, could have been much worse. I could just as easily have asked where the tampons were.
     
    For anyone who was wondering, I finally did find the deodorant. It was along the back wall and I'd evidently walked right by it. Unfortunately, while as I said their toothpaste selection was top notch (and their condom selection was none too shabby either), they were very limited when it came to deodorant choices. I am a bit picky about deodorant, and none would do, so I still need to go and buy deodorant. Before I embark on my next toiletries quest though I think I'm going to carefully write out the phrase: "I need deodorant" lest any other poor sales associate be faced with the embarrassing, albeit amusing, task of having to show a very over-excited and impatient gay boy where the condoms are.
  6. AFriendlyFace
    So today completely rocked! My luck almost seems to have shifted back to the rediculously positive position that it formerly inhabited.
     
    Most recently life hasn't been treating me too gently. Don't get me wrong I've still overall been quite happy, and really if anything in many ways my life's been steadily getting even more pleasant. However, for the last six weeks or so it's literally seemed like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. I know a lot of people don't really believe in "lucK" in the first place, but I've always considered myself to be a very lucky person, almost to the point that I expected things to break my way if there was any degree of "luck" involved. However, as I said lately life's been making me fight. I almost haven't minded...no that's a lie it's sucked! But I have been pleased that I've "passed" the test and proven to myself that I don't break even when everything seems to be collapsing around me.
     
    Anyway today...well today luck was on my side. Good things just kept happening to me with very little effort on my part. I had a remarkably good day at work. Made quite a bit and qualified for a nice bonus. I also got paid for last week today (which obviously had nothing to do with "luck" so much as the way things work, but it was still very nice). I also had very pleasant, fun interactions with quite a few of my co-workers and friends. And to top it all off I got a date.
     
    And then to celebrate I took myself out to dinner, got all my favourite "unhealthy" food, and now I'm going to have a nice, long, hot bath, and sleep late.
  7. AFriendlyFace
    **Warning spoilers for the move "Evening" ahead.
     
     
    So there's so many thing I'd like to write about that have happened to me since my last entry. Unfortunately as is often the case I feel less inclined to write about actual narrative events and more eager to write about feelings, situations, and philosophical ponderings.
     
    I went to see the movie Evening tonight. It was AWESOME! Just the kind of movie a like - a nice, long, weapy chick flick
     
    Anyway basically the movie is about this woman who's old and dying and her daughters and a nurse are taking care of her and she's somewhat delirious and she keeps dreaming/having fantasies about her life when she was a young, 20-something girl.
     
    It was all about the choices people make, the courage to go after the things you want instead of the things you think you should want, and the wisdom to know that in the end often it doesn't really matter anyway.
     
    So there were these four central characters:
     
    Ann: the old lady currently flashing back, and the "central" character
    Lila: Ann's best friend and Buddy's sister who at the time of the flashback is about to get married
    Buddy: Lila's younger brother
    Harris: The guy all three of the above are in love with. He's slightly older and he's the son of one of Lila and Buddy's family's servent. He's now become a doctor.
     
    Then in the "now" there's also Ann's two daughters:
     
    Constance: the older daughter who seems to have the ideal suburban life
    Nina: her younger, more "drifterish" kinda daughter
     
    Anyway Lila's been in love with Harris since she was 15. Buddy's pretty much been in love with Harris since the same time, but he's also possibly in love with - and definitely fixated on - Ann, whom he met in college. Ann comes to their little paradise town to be Lila's maid of honour and of course she meets and falls in love with Harris. Harris doesn't return the romantic interest of either Buddy or Lila - though he cares about both - but he does fall in love with Ann.
     
    So Buddy is trying to convince Ann to help him convince Lila that she should dump Carl and pursue Harris. Buddy's probably in love with Harris himself but he hasn't really worked that out properly yet. Anyway between the two of them they basically do plant enough doubt in Lila's head to make her confront Harris about her feelings and offer to leave her fiance' for him. Unfortunately, Harris doesn't feel that way about her.
     
    Anyway, it's a rough time for Buddy because his sister is marrying Carl - whom he just knows won't make her happy - and the other two objects of his affection are pairing off themselves. So he's drinking alot and generally making bad choices (while simultaneously being completely adorable and lovable). Finally, the night of the wedding after Ann and Harris' relationship comes to light he gets really drunk and kisses Harris.
     
    Later when he and Ann are talking about it he says that it doesn't make sense to him because he's not "that way", and Ann says that wouldn't matter even if he was. That's when he takes the opportunity to produce a very seemingly pointless note that she wrote him like 5 years ago when they were in school. He's carried the note with him everyday since she gave it to him. He makes a very poignant offer to her of them spending the rest of their lives together, having kids, and laughing and singing (he writes - or tires to - she sings, and they both have a good sense of humour). She of course turns him down.
     
    Later that evening Buddy, Ann, Harris, and the rest of the wedding party are standing of the cliff jumping into the water. Buddy has of course had way too much to drink and Ann tries to stop him from jumping in, but he does anyway. He never surfaces so Harris and several of the other guys jump in to look for him. Then he comes strolling up and makes a dramatic entrance because apparently he was just playing a joke on them. This infuriates Ann and she proceeds to tell him off. She basically tells him he needs to leave her alone, to start writing something besides a first sentence for all of his novels, and "kiss men if you want to", but to just get a life of his own and stop dreaming about things he can't have and doesn't really want. Then she storms off with Harris and they go make love in a forest cottage.
     
    So Buddy's understandably upset about all of this and he starts running through the forest in a daze. Finally at the height of his dispair he runs out onto the little country road that runs through the forest and gets hit by a car. He does get found by the rest of the wedding party before he dies, but he dies anyway and the reason seems to be because 1) they can't find Harris, who's a doctor (because of course he's off making love with Ann). And 2) because someone takes the note Ann gave him out of his hand (which to me symbolized that he died because he let go of that which gave him strength: his dreams).
     
    So anyway at first I thought, "well Grrr, how irritating that the (possibly/probably) gay character ended up not only dying, but dying lonely and sad." Then as the movie went on it occured to me that the point wasn't that he was gay and that's why he was destined to die unhappy. The point was that he was denying his true nature. He was unwilling to accept the truth (that Ann wasn't in love with him, that Harris didn't love him that way, and that he was probably gay). He just kept dreaming of things that could never be. It wasn't that he was a gay character, it was that he didn't know how to pursue the life he wanted/needed. Basically:
     
    He didn't die because he kissed men; he died because he didn't.
  8. AFriendlyFace

    New Job

    By AFriendlyFace,

    So I did get that new job selling life insurance. I've also quit my other job, and for the next couple of weeks at least (and quite possibly for the forseeable future) my schedule will be extremely hectic and I probably won't be around for more than a half hour (maybe 45 min) a day (possibly in the morning before 8, or more likely in the evening after 11). Eventually I will have some semi-regular time off, but it likely won't be for the first week or so, and even after that there's every chance that I won't have enough free time to be on very much anymore
     
    I guess I'll just have to see how it goes.
     
    Anyway, if anyone's curious I do like the new job. I think the change is going to be good for me, and I'm excited about seeing where it goes! Also, I'm quite pleased because I managed to accomplish one of my major short-term goals there and subtly/naturally in the flow of conversation come out to my sales manager and co-trainee. It went fine btw. Anyway, I know there's still like a whole office full of co-workers left, but really these are the only two I've had the natural opportunity to do it with, so I'm pleased that I did (LOL, and if I'm lucky they'll gossip). No more closets for this gay boi!
     
    Take care all and have a great day
    Kevin
  9. AFriendlyFace
    Don't try to make sense of this blog in the order in which it appears. Each paragraph is pretty much random and self-contained.
     
    I got that new job. *sigh* It's insurance again, this time life. At least I'll be able to jump in more quickly this time since I still have my active license from last time. I start training Monday, the following Monday I'm supposed to go with someone out on the field, then the Monday after that I'll be on my own. I'm not completely sure how I feel about it. I'm definitely ready to leave my old job, and I think I need the change. Anyway, it might work out well and I'd might as well give it a shot I suppose.
     
    I found out something a bit shocking the other day at work (old job). It turns out one of my co-workers, who's engaged (to a guy), is falling in love with the female upstairs neighbour of one of our other coworkers :wacko: Looks like things could get a bit unpleasant for everyone involved . LOL, it's times like these I wonder if anyone's straight anymore.
     
    Dontcha just hate it when people give your number to other people without consulting you first? So yeah, that happened to me and now...blah, just kinda sucks. I wanted to move on from this particular bit of my past and it's a lot harder, if not impossible now.
     
    One thing I'm concerned about is that when I leave the old job I'll quit having daily opportunities to use my Spanish. I'm still not very good, but I was getting considerably better. LOL, in fact like three seperate people at work asked if I'd just started seeing an Hispanic guy...and one of them wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. haha
     
    Turns out I like the band Three Days Grace. I hadn't quite realized that I was a fan until I found myself downloading yet another song by them that I really like: "Animal I Have Become". I was absolutely hooked on "Pain" before that, and their older stuff was quite good too. LOL, so I guess I'm a fan.
     
    I think I'm addicted to self-improvement (or at least attempting it). Actually I probably have been pretty much since my early teens. In fact I have no doubt that my frequent trolling around the self-improvement aisles of bookstores is what ultimately sparked my interest in psychology (they tended to be next to each other). Anyway I suspect I'll never stop trying to look better, be healthier, smarter, kinder, and all around better. Fortunately my vices keep my from going off the deep end
     
    I saw both the new Spiderman movie, and the new Pirates movie. They were both really good and I recommend both, but oh my gosh!!! Spiderman was SOOOOO good. I mean I liked the first two, but IMO this last one just blows them outta the water. LOL and there was no shortage of eye candy in this movie either! Peter's new newspaper rival is like the epitome of what I consider "my type" (only it's nice if they aren't evil too ). Harry is as adorable as ever, and Toby Mcguire himself is so much cutier with those bangs in his face. LOL, and apart from all that it was actually a really good, exciting, dramatic movie too!
     
    Anyway, I guess that's about it for now,
    Take care all and have a great day!
    Kevin
  10. AFriendlyFace
    So for anyone who might be wondering how my move went, and more specifically what I've been up to for the past three weeks. Here's the deal:
     
    Thursday, May 3rd: My move in date is set for Friday May 11th. However, I find out that it's a friend's graduation on that day so I call the new apartment complex to see if I can move in on the 10th instead. "Fine", they say. I set up my utilities to be turned in at the new place on the 9th.
     
    Saturday, May 5th: I call to confirm the move in date. "Oh wait", they say "the guy that was supposed to have already moved out hasn't. So you can't move into that apartment, how bout you take a differen't one?" "Sure", I say. They give me my new address.
     
    I call the new utility company to request that they turn on the service in the new place instead. "We can't do that", they say. "It's already been scheduled. We'll have to turn on the service as planned. Then turn it off again. Then charge you a termination fee. Then turn it on in the new place."......"WHAT?!?!?!", I say. 40 minutes and a heated conversation with the floor manager later I decide to pay they're termination fee and take my business elsewhere, you know to a sane company.
     
    Monday, May 7th: I call a bazillion credit card, bank, magazine and other random business people as well as a ton of family and friends to give them my new, new address. I confirm plans with like six people to help me move on the 11th (I'm moving in on the 10th, but I'm just taking the little stuff and getting everything in order by myself the first day, then after my friend's graduation the plan is to get a bunch of people together and go move all the furniture).
     
    Wednesday, May 9th: I wake up after a full night's sleep, and have breakfast and lunch. Wednesday evening/night I spend frantically packing.
     
    Thursday, May 10th: I take load after load of boxes and small furniture to the new place. I eat nothing and don't sleep at all, all day. Late Thursday night/friday morning I get stuck in an incredibly strong rain storm while unloading my final load of the day and end up moving the last load drenched to the bone.
     
    Friday, May 11th: Still no sleep or food for going on 48 hours. I finally catch a quick meal after my friend's graduation at the celebritory lunch. It turns out that ALL the people except my friend Brian end up NOT being able to help me move for various reasons (unexpect graduation plans, unexpect birthday plans, unexpected getting called into work plans, unexpected "hey wait, I've gotta move outta my dorm on the same day too" plans. :wacko: ). To make matters worse given the graduation plans, and other festivities, and because I don't say no to friends, I end up fairying carless friends from activity to activity
     
    Finally, Brian and I go to pick up the U-haul, and I leave my truck parked on a side street. We load everything up, take it to the new place and...oh wait, I have covered parking and the truck's to big to fit. There are no other spots, I MUST park it along the fence, illegally, while we go get food (Brian's hungry, and darn it if that one meal at lunch hadn't piqued my appetite for dinner).
     
    So we get back and guess what? The U-haul WON'T START. Won't even TRY to start. I ask three people for a jump. Two don't have jumper cables (mine are burried in some box). The third tries to give me a jump only to discover that the batteries aren't compatible or something *shrug*. He suggests a call U-Haul and have them come and fix it. A fine idea...only I can't find my renting contract. Brian suggest looking on the truck for a number to call. After several minutes we find said number on dashboard. I call U-Haul..."oh, you won't the info found on my renting contract." After a lot of barganing and hoop-jumping they agree to send someone the next day at 8:30 am.
     
    We unload a bit more and decide to walk to the nearest convenience store (about a mile or so away), for toothpaste, since after all Brian is stranded for the night and as it turns out my toothpaste is still at the old apartment. We return, decide to take in another load but..."oh wait! The U-haul is GONE" Aparently they get ticked off and tow you if you park illegally...even if there is NO WHERE else to park AND you can't move the F*#()&^% think anyway since it won't start.
     
    I call the towing people, they have the truck, but they won't release it to me without a hefty fee and of course the...yeah you guessed it...RENTAL CONTRACT. So as it stands I have no transportation to get to the towing place, they won't let me pay the fee to get the stupid thing out without the rental contract that I don't have...AND assuming I could work all this other stuff out, the truck presumably STILL won't start. Oh yeah and half my stuff is still trapped in the truck. Can you say pile of exhausted, wreckage curled up on the floor?
    Saturday, May 12th: After alot of stress, money, time, and effort I get these problems resolved, we unload the rest of the stuff, have lunch, and I take Brian home. Now all I have to do is take the final load of stuff over in the back of my truck. Sounds simple right? Well it got even simpler since I loaded TWO end tables and unloaded only ONE. The other one disappeared somewhere in transit.
     
    SO, Saturday night I do what any sensible person would do: take an incredibly long bath and get drunk out of my mind.
     
    Sunday, May 13th AKA Mother's Day: Turns out in all the confusion and chaos I completely lost track of the days and guess what? I was supposed to be at work. Didn't go obviously since I didn't even realize it was Sunday and I was supposed to be there until after my shift would have ended.
     
    Monday, May 14th: I go into work and learn that two other people have already gotten fired for not showing up the day before. I tell my story. I don't get fired, or even officially repremanded. Yay for sympathy, favouritism, and special treatment!
     
    Wednesday, May 16th: I agree to go with some co-workers to an underwear party at this club. I get drunk, and by sheer will-power resist the urge to try to seduce my equally drunk, completely adorable and sweet, but sadly straight, co-worker (AKA a desire to see him in just his boxers is the reason I agreed to go out tonight...and I certainly wasn't disappointed ).
     
    Thursday, May 17th: It's one of my closest friends' birthday, so me and her girlfriend show up at work with gifts to surprise her. I finish all my unpacking/putting away.
     
    Friday, May 18th: I get to meet Matty (GA's very own Matthew) at the airport during his lay over in Houston. . We meant to take pictures...didn't. Had fun strolling around a still closed mall, chatting, and grabbing brunch.
     
    Saturday, May 19th: I'm supposed to meet with birthday friend from last week for a belated birthday celebration. I can't because I have to work.
     
    Sunday, May 20th: Given all the stress from the previous weeks, I'm plain worn-out, and a tad...sad. A coworker comments that I "look tired". I realize that it's the uncharacteristic, deflated, low-level sadness that characterizes my face that's actually being commented on since actually I'm not "tired" in the literal sense.
     
    Monday, May 21st: I finish all my backed up laundry, excercise ALOT, think ALOT, hang out with friends and play board games, and all around feel better.
     
    Tuesday, May 22nd: I leave work very early, recieve two tentative leads for a new job (something I really want!), catch up with a couple of old friends, and all around return to normal. I also get a mysterious text message from an unknown number, respond to said message explaining that I don't have this number and Lo and Behold if it isn't my old friend, FIRST Houston friend, Brad, whom, I lost touch with after he moved to Dallas for school and then my phone died and I lost all my numbers. We're gonna hang out sometime soon while he's in town
     
    And there you have it, what I've been up to since my last update.
  11. AFriendlyFace
    So I saw this in Viv's and Steven's blog and thought it looked like fun SO:
     
    TEN EMOTIONS.
    1. are you missing someone right now?: no
    2. are you happy? Yes, very
    3. are you talking to anyone right now?: No, I don't try to talk and write (even blog entries) at the same time.
    4. are you bored?: Virtually never.
    5. are you German?: Yes, more than anything actually
    6 are you Irish?: Probably a little bit, and people always think I am since I'm fair complected and often red-headed
    7. are you French?: Yes
    8. are you Italian?: No
    9. are your parents still married?: Nope, they divorced when I was a toddler
    10. do you like someone right now?: I like almost everyone all the time
     
    TEN FAVORITES.
    1. store: Totally unfair to ask that! Umm, I'll go with Abercrombie and Fitch or else Express for Men.
    2. flowers: I'm not really interested interested in flowers.
    3. color: BLUE!!!!
    4. sport: To play? Definitely Soccer! But I like play lotsa sports. To watch? I'd always rather play than watch.
    5. mall: Yes, please
    6. movie: Hmm, I dunno. I'll go with Rent, but I like lots of movies.
    8. season: Whichever one is currently happening. So Spring/Summer I guess
    9. animal: Cats, Dogs, and Squirrels are my favourites.
    10. state: I dunno, I really wanna go to Cali and NY, but I'm enjoying Texas, and I guess La was okay.
     
    TEN FACTS.
    1. hometown: Born in Blacksburg, VA, grew up near Lafayette, Louisiana.
    2. hair color: What kind of a question is that!? LOL, it's currently a slightly reddish blonde. It's naturally a light brown/dirty blonde. It's usually some shade of red or blonde. It's been every natural (and a couple of unnatural) colours imaginable.
    3. Birthday: August 27th
    4. hair style: I recently cut it somewhat short, and have been gel-ing/spiking up the top/front. Blah, it's the standard gay boy haircut.
    5. eye color: Blue. Sometimes dark blue, sometimes light blue, sometimes grayish
    6. best friend: Hmm Megan and Jesse are my best friends in Houston, but I've got some other ones too.
    7. mood: Cheerful and perky
    8. skin color: White, but I've been getting a tan from a bottle.
    9. available: Ready and willing
    10. left/right-handed: Right, but I can do a buncha stuff with my left as well
     
    TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
    1. have you ever been in love?: REAL love? Probably not
    2. do you believe in love: Yes
    3. why did your last relationship fail: I just didn't feel the same way
    4. have you ever been heartbroken: define "heartbroken"
    5. have you ever broken someone's heart?: possibly, I hope not.
    6. have you ever fallen for one of your best friends: Yes
    7. have you ever liked someone but never told them: Yes
    8. are you afraid of commitment: I don't think so
    9. has someone ever kissed your hand: Not that I can recall, but that's totally going on my list of things I hope happen to me.
    10. have you ever had a secret admirer: Yes
     
    TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT.
    1. love or trust: Both please
    2. hard liquor or beer: I prefer wine or mixed drinks (like mudslides or margaritas). If I HAVE to pick between those two, then beer I guess.
    3. night or day: I love the night life
    4. one night stands or relationships: Relationships
    5. television or internet: I don't watch TV at all whereas I'm an internet junkie.
    6. pepsi or coke?: I don't drink any sodas or any caffeinated beverages. When I was a kid and used to I preferred Dr. Pepper, but of those two, Pepsi.
    7. wild night out or romantic night in: Well both; it depends on the circumstances.
    8. chocolate or vanilla: Do you really need to ask?
    9. phone or in person: In person
    10. Love or Lust: Love, but if we're talking about relationships can I have a side of Lust with that?
     
    TEN HAVE Y0U EVER
    1. have you ever been caught sneaking out?: I never had to sneak out
    2. have you ever skinny dipped: Yes
    3. have you ever done something you regret: As far as the isolated incident goes, sure, but I don't regret my past in general since it got me here.
    4. have you ever sky dived: No, but I wanna.
    5. have you ever been on a house boat: I'm not sure, probably not
    6. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker: yeah, of course
    7. have you ever liked someone so badly it hurt?: Yes
    9. have you ever danced in the rain?: Yes
    10. have you ever had a hang over?: Nope, I seem to be immune. I think it's all the water.
     
    WHO
    1. Who was the last person you laughed with? Rachel at work a little while ago.
    2. Who can cheer you up instantly?: Virtually anyone who tries.
    3. Who do you think will make you smile tomorrow: You mean first? Anyone of my coworkers, and later I'm meeting friends, so I'm sure I'll have lotsa opportunities to smile.
    4. Who is making the world a more terrible place to live in: What a dreadful question!
    5. Who dominates the family: Well I rarely see my family nowadays, but I suppose my grandmother did when I was growing up.
    6. Who is like a brother/sister to you: My cousin Katie
    7. Who is the youngest person you know: I have no idea!
    8. Who makes the best dinner: I cook pretty well, I think. At least I like my food.
    9. Who needs to chill: This guy at work.
     
    WHAT
    1. What do you hope will happen next week: I hope I find a new job and get most of my packing finished.
    2. What would you name a newborn puppy: Benji
    3. What relaxes you: ALOT of stuff. Um, I'll go with a nice, long, hot bubble bath with some soft music playing a glass of wine.
    4. What is the most difficult decision you had to make: I guess coming out.
    6. What's your style: I have quite a few. Clothes, and dressing up in new styles, is kinda a hobby of mine.
    7. What is your number one priority: Helping people
    8. What is the worst movie you've ever seen: I'm really not that hard on movies, and if I think I'll hate them that much I don't watch in the first place. I guess I'll go with anything by Will Ferrel except "Bewitched" and "Stranger Than Fiction", which were both somewhat decent.
    9. What do you want for Christmas: My two front teeth? I dunno, maybe gift cards to various stores.
     
    WHEN
    1. When is it a good time to be truthful: 5:27PM on the third Tuesday of every month.
    2. When was your last break-up: Depends on how you define break-up.
    3. When do you take time for yourself: Probably much more often than most people.
    4. When is the next time you'll see your best friend: Depends on which "best friend" you mean. Tommorow I guess.
    5. When will world hunger end: It won't
    6. When was your last bad hair day: About a week ago, which is why I cut it all off and got a shorter style
    7. When do you usually take a shower: I always take one shortly after I get up. I often take a shower or bath before bed, and sometimes I catch one sometime in the middle.
    8. When are you going to go on your next date: Grr, the boy I kinda liked just started seeing someone else. So no telling.
    9. When will emo kids grow up: Depends on the emo kid in question.
    10. When did you first learn about sex: Define "learn about". I mean I guess I always sorta knew it happened. I guess I learned details around 10 or so. In general I'm sure there's more to "learn about", just as there is with all of life's activities.
     
    WHY
    1. Why do you feel the way you do right now: Just lucky I guess
    2.Why are teenagers becoming more apathetic: Who says they are?
    3. Why did you say the meanest thing you've ever said: I can't remember the meanest thing I ever said.
    4. Why can't perfection exist: Just can't, but let's all keep trying anyway.
    5. Why is gay marriage illegal: People are silly.
    6. Why, in your opinion, are some countries more privileged than others: It's partly culture, largely history and circumstance, largely natural resources, mostly luck and coincidence.
    7. Why is your father the way he is: Shouldn't you ask him?
    8. Why do bad things feel so good: Do they? Are they bad? Who says they're bad? Who says they feel good?
    9. Why would you hurt someone, if you ever did: I really regret ever hurting people. I guess it's happened most often because I couldn't divide my attention and resources among everyone.
    10. Why did you go online today: It's one of my main sources of entertainment.
     
    SPILL YOUR GUTS
    Q. First thing you did this morning?: Excercised for 20 minutes on my elipitical machine! (boy did you pick a good day to ask!)
    Q. The last thing you ate?: A massive salad!
    Q. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks?: Settling into my new place, finding a new job, my best friends' wedding, meeting Matty in person, lotsa other stuff too.
    Q. What's annoying you right now?: Nothing really. I guess the way time just keeps on moving when it would be nice if it stopped for a bit.
    Q. What's the last movie you saw?: Hedwig and the Angry Inch, last Thursday at gay movie night.
    Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?: Believe? Well, I'm sure they exist. As far as whether or not I think they're advisable, I don't think there's a simple answer and of course it depends on the people involved.
    Q Where is the last place you went?: The bathroom.
    Q: Who is the last person you called?: My Mom
    Q: Been cheated on?: No
    Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?: I have no idea. Given the sheer number of people I know, compounded by the sheer number of thoughts they might have I suppose it's possible.
    Q: Do you wish on stars?: uh huh
    Q: Did it work?: So far it always has.
    Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: Depends on the shoes. I have to untie many pairs or I won't be able to get them off. The ones I don't have to untie I usually don't.
    Q: When did you last cry?: Geez, it's been weeks; I need to do that!
    Q: Do you like your handwriting?: Well of course not! It's hideous and barely legible. Sometimes it's fun to play with though.
    Q: Are you a friendly person?: Yes, very
    Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?: Nope
    Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?: Mine , better luck tomorrow night right?
    Q: What color shirt are you wearing?: Yellow
    Q: Do you have any pets?: My baby girl, Lucky
    Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?: I have several sets, most are a shade of blue
    Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?: Hanging out with my friend Brian and playing Chess.
    Q: Last person you talked to: Myself
    Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?: Gosh! It's been years. UM, maybe 2001, or 2002, I'm pretty sure it's been this millenium. We talked the day of the VT shooting of course, but yeah haven't physically seen him in a long time.
    Q: Look to your left: My glass of water, my left knee, my printer
    Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes
    Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?: Yes
    Q: Song that makes you cry?: Hmm, usually the song loses it's ability to make me cry after I've heard it a few times. "My One True Friend", "Alone Again Naturally", "Tears in Heaven", "Concrete Angel", that popular song about Jesus that I can't remember the name of off-hand, and lots, LOTS of other songs have had a pretty emotional impact on me.
    Q: Are you a normally happy person?: Unusually so
     
     
    1. Smoked a cigarette: About 4 or 5 EVER, the last one was almost 6 months ago.
    2. Smoked a cigar: Nope
    3. Drank so much you threw up: LOL, oh my gosh yes! I used to do that alot, but I usually threw up on purpose before bed. The last time I threw up from drinking was about 5 or 6 months ago.
    4. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back: Yes
    5. Been arrested: No
    6. Gone on a blind date: Define "blind date". I've had a date with someone whom I couldn't remember what he looked like, but not in the conventional sense. Although a friend of mine at work wants to set me up with a friend of hers.
    7. Skipped school: Yes, quite a bit actually
    8. Seen someone die: No, never in person thankfully.
    9. Been to Canada: No, but I totally wanna die there someday.
    10. Been to Mexico: No, but I'd like to check the place out
    11. Been on a plane: Yes
    12. Been lost: As I always like to say "You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going". Most of the time I allow myself to get "lost" I'm just wandering around exploring anyway, so yeah, I can't exactly "get lost" in the first place.
    13. Been on the opposite side of the country: I'm from the middle, southern bit of the country. I've been to the east cost before, haven't been to the west cost yet though.
    14. Swam in the ocean: If you can call what I do swimming.
    15. Felt like dying: I've never wanted to die. I've been so sick I felt like I was going to though.
    17. Played cops and robbers: Yes, of course
    18. Recently colored with crayons: Try dry erase markers.
    19. Sang karaoke: Yes, it's fun!
    20. Paid for a meal with only coins: Most of my meals cost way too much for that nowadays. I've probably done that with cheaper food when I was a kid though.
    21. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't: Well yeah, but I didn't believe myself in the first place.
    22. Made prank phone calls: Only to friends.
    23. Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose: Yes
    24. Caught a snowflake on your tongue: I've only seen snow like three times in my whole life, and I don't think I've ever seen an actual snowflake.
    26. Written a letter to Santa Clause: Yes
    27. Been kissed under the mistletoe: No, but that's going on my list too.
    29. Blown bubbles: Of course
    30. Made a bonfire on the beach: Not the beach, but several other places.
    31. Crashed a party: Define "crashed"
    32. Gone roller-skating: Oh yeah, lotsa times!
     
    Personal questions to know you better:
     
    1. Nicknames? Kev, Kevvy (but ya gotta be pretty special to call me that), K-Red, cool-aid (both those two are work nicknames relating to my hair), KK, and then lotsa derivatives of various screen names.
     
    2. Mother's name? Sharon
     
    3. What is your favorite drink? Water by far!
     
    4. Tattoos? NO, I'd never get a tattoo, I couldn't possibly commit to having something on my body that long.
     
    5. Body piercing? I have issues with cuts/scars/wounds and while they often would have fit well with my "look" I can't get past the fact that it's a hole in my body.
     
    6. How much do you love your job? I really like my job, and I love my coworkers, but nevertheless I really want a new one.
     
    7. Birthplace: Haven't we covered this already?
     
    8. Favorite vacation spot? Geez, I wouldn't know a vacation if it bit me, but I'd probably enjoy myself almost anywhere. Right now in this moment I'm thinking a ski vacation on some mountain, in a beautiful log cabin would be fun.
     
    9. Ever been to Africa? No, and I'd prefer to go to Europe and Asia first, but I'd like to go everywhere so Africa would be good.
     
    10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Nope, I've definitely had unhealthy, "fun" food for dinner, but I'm not that wild about cookies. Try cheese fries and something insanely chocolately (like cake, pie, or sundaes, not cookies).
     
    11. Ever been on TV? Local TV when I was a kid, but I really wanna be on TV, TV! Like as an actor or something.
     
    12. Ever stole any traffic signs? No way.
     
    13. Ever been in a car accident? Yeah, but I was never driving
     
    14. Was it your fault? You weren't paying attention now were you?
     
    15. 2 doors or 4? On a car? 4 In general? one is usually sufficient.
     
    16. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch
     
    17. Favorite pie? Anything ultra rich and chocolately.
     
    18. Favorite number? FOUR!!!!!!! FOUR!!!!! FOUR!!!!! FOUR!!!!
     
    20. Favorite holiday? Christmas I suppose, but I have alota fun with Halloween.
     
    21. Favorite dessert? Okay since you're trying to nail me down on "ultra rich and chocolately", I'll go with a chocolate fudge cake, with extra thick chocolate icing, a scope of ice cream, covered in chocolate syrup/hot fudge, LOTS of heavy whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry. Happy now?...I AM
     
    22. Favorite food? Artichokes, Leeks, any kind of fresh veggie in general
     
    23. Favorite day of the week? Lately? Thursday
     
    24. Favorite brand of body soap? Well I don't really use "body soap", I have a bunch of different kinds of body washes, most of which purport to do something magical to the skin. I really like the way this one from "The Body Shop" makes me feel though. I can't remember the name though, but it's in a red bottle.
     
    25. Favorite TV show? I don't watch TV, but I guess Queer as Folk, or Friends (I downloaded them)
     
    26. Favorite Toothpaste? Moonlight Night, Vivid Night Whitening, by Crest.
     
    27. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I could literally be almost anywhere with almost anyone doing almost anything, and I'm pleased about that.
     
    28. What do you do when you are bored? The only times I've been bored in the last several years have all been at work or school, I never get bored when I have time to myself. In those scenarios I usually just try to throw myself into whatever is going on. If nothing's going on and I can't chat with anyone, then I happily get lost in my head.
     
    **************************
     
    So long little quiz thingy, but it was fun!
     
    In other news I'm getting ready to move and looking for a new job will be on very little for the next three weeks.
     

     
    Take care all and have an awesome day!
    Kevin
  12. AFriendlyFace

    A perfect day!

    By AFriendlyFace,

    ***Warning this blog entry is long, rambling, and insanely enthusiastic and cheerful (and a real delight to write). I'll definitely looks like a stupid, ditzy, flammer. So read at your own risk ***
     
    Hey Everyone!
     
    So I know I said I was going to write about something "heavy" and I still intend to, but I just had too awesome of a day today. So Instead I'm going to talk about that!
     
    So first of all I stayed up all night relaxing and reading. Then in the morning Vance got on and we chated and played chess and scrabble! It was so much fun! (thanks Vance ). Then Ben and Davey got on and I got to chat with them! ( )
     
    So then I normally would have gone to sleep, but I decided, "I don't wanna! :boy" So I didn't! Instead I took a nice, long bath and spent a lot of time fixing myself up. I even tried a new hair style, which I probably won't make a habit, but it was fun for a change. Anyway I wore a pair of black and white lace up shoes (you know those retro looking ones that EVERYONE'S got now), my favourite pair of tight jeans (and I was good and even wore underwear underneath today! ) One of my spikey belts (I have so many now, I'm such a belt-wh*&^), and a snug, solid blue shirt.
     
    So then (there's a good chance all my paragraphs are gonna begin with "So"....SOOOOO get used to it, lol ) it was around lunch time, but I decided since I was already being bad and staying up all night I'd just go ahead and break my temporary chocolate embargo - A few days ago I decided to give up alcohol, chocolate, and meat; predictably chocolate's the only one of the three I've given a second thought to. So I went to this nice Chinese chain called P. F. Chang's, because I LOVE their "Great wall of chocolate" It's like a 7 layer chocolate cake covered in raspberry sauce (which really makes it!), and fresh fruit (Blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, and of course raspberries). hehehe, and I really only wanted the cake so I just ordered that and a glass of water
     
    So (now I'm just doing it on purpose ) then as luck would have it a branch of my bank was right next door! So I got to deposit the money I had gotten for my birthday from family. Then I headed over to a "Boaders" bookstore (Texted Viv too ). It was my first ever time in one! It was pretty cool! LOL, so of course now that I was all set I decided to finally go ahead and break down and go to the huge Houston mall! The Gallaria! It's immense! Actually after I was "done" shopping I briefly got lost in it looking for the store with the exit to the parking garabe I'd used. But believe me being lost in a mall isn't exactly one of my worst nightmares
     
    So anyway I must admit I kinda preppy. First I went to Abercrombie and Fitch and bought a pair of jeans (I feel like I really exercised restraint just getting one thing). Next I hit Hollister and bought another pair of jeans (different style and colour of course), an orange polo shirt, which was probably a mistake because it's a little bigger than I like my shirts, but I really wanted an orange shirt! A belt, but it wasn't spikey obviously, it was one of those "well-worn" brown leather ones, and then at the check out counter the sales girl talked me into getting so "Jake" cologne. Well it had a really cute, well-built topples boy on the box . Actually that's like the best part of shopping at those places - all the giant pictures of scantily clad guys! So finally I made it to Express for men, which was the main objective of the trip. My cousin got me a giftcard to there for my birthday.
     
    I must say (just pretend I said "so") that these people REALLY shined with customer service! I was approached and helped by like 5 seperate people! LOL, they were running a sale on jeans, and of course I needed ANOTHER pair of those . It really was a good deal though! They were all on sale for 20 dollars off, THEN they gave me another 15 dollar coupon for showing the fitting room clerk my outfit. Which actually worked out great because he was gay and I wanted his opinion anyway! LOL and yes I am sure that the store was really doing that and it wasn't just something he did Anyway, OH MY GOSH! I'm in love with these jeans! I described the pair I put on this morning as my favourites, but these are DEFINITELY my new favourites! They're....okay I'm gonna say it, FABULOUS! They're actually completely different from the other two pairs, which were those kinda silly tattered ones people like. These were a really dark, dressy blue, straight leg, slim fit, low rise. They're just so great! They fit me almost perfectly too! Anyway I also got some good "professional clothes". I didn't really like the way my dressy clothes for work looked, I mean it's fun for a little while, but blah. Anyway I got this pair of khaki pants, which is designed to be a "modern cut", they didn't make them in my size (28) though (how can 30 be the smallest size? There's lot's of guys way smaller than that! ), so they're still a little big, but I definitely like the way they fit better. I also got this nice purple button-down shirt (which I can actually wear with the new jeans because they're that dressy!), and this really great belt (see what I mean about me and belts?). It's awesome! It's a black/brown reversible and the buckle just looks so classy and sleek. THEN, the best part happened! One of the myriad clerks approached me and asked if I'm be interested in opening an Express credit account and saving 15%. So I was like, "yeah sure". Then he was like, "oh wait, you're 18 right?" (MAN, that made feel good! It's almost as good as last weekened, when it was litterally 2 hours before my 23rd birthday, and I got I.D.-d for an R rated movie! ). Then he ran the credit check thingy and was like, "Wow! you have really good credit." So needless to say with all the great stuff I got, and all the compliments I'm going back there more often! (yeah yeah, I know they're PAID to say that stuff, but it frickin works!)
     
    So anyway after all that I was on preppy overload so I went to Hot Topic (yeah, whatever they're commercialized too). Guess what I got? hehe yep a belt, but see each one of the 3 belts I got today was a really different style so it doesn't count right? Anyway I also got one of those black, spike armband/bracelet thingys and two pretty cool T-Shirts, (both black obviously). One says "I Haven't lost my mind." Then in smaller print, "It's backed up on a disk somewhere". The other one, is the one I was just crazy about!!! It has "I Know What Boys Like" in purpley-blue lettering. I was just in love with the shirt, but it's too frickin loose! Especially for a shirt like THAT. I don't know, I guess I'm supposed to have boobs to fill it out . I'm hoping it'll shrink though, and either way I just had to have it!
     
    So anyway I was so excited about my new stuff, that I decided to swap belts and put on the new hot topic one (it's black with like closely packed rows of solid silver metal "button" things). I also swapped shirts to the one about losing my mind, and I put on the spike bracelet. The ensemble worked with the shoes anyway, and my, now 2nd favourite, pair of jeans is really versatile. Then I went back to the parking garage and dropped off all my stuff, and here's the best part (oh heck the whole frickin day rocked!) I then went ice skating (they have that in the mall) for like 3 hours! It was so much fun! Hehehe and I've STILL never fallen! I had a really great time!
     
    So by the time I left my feet were really hurting, so I actually drove without shoes! I used to have this huge no-walking-barefeet-ever thing (I'm not "shy" about my feet, I actually have a mild foot fetish---other people's obviously, I just don't like "using" my feet w/o some type of protective covering) so it's really amazing that I was completely comfortable doing it! I decided I wanted to go to the museums, and though I've been once I wasn't THAT familar with the section of the city, plus I wanted a bottle of water, so I even stopped at a gas station and went in, in just my black socks!! (which is actually something that would have REALLY been right up my fetish's ally if I saw another guy doing it ) LOL, I funny thing happened too. I said, "How much further to the museum district?", and I THOUGHT I heard him say, "about a fortnight!", but he really said, "About the forth [traffic]light". HAHA, I was thinking, "Geez, I don't want to go that badly!".
     
    Anyway as luck would have it by the time I got there it was after 7 and all the museums close early on Sundays. BUT, I didn't let that get me down! I had parked near this sculpture garden so I went in there and checked that out instead. Which is something I would have eventually wanted to do anyway! And it was pretty cool! They had some really great ones (though I don't see the need to back a "Pilgram" nude). I also climbed up on this wall thing and read The Reader's Digest for awhile (well till it got COMPLETELY dark).
     
    So anyway on the way home I stopped at that gay cafe' I always go to, which is just so cool, not just that it's a "gay" cafe', but that I have this like "hangout", it's just like on Friends or Fraisier with everyone just sitting around visiting! Only with everyone being homosexual! Anyway I ran into two of my friends, which I think is also pretty cool that I've got like new friends to run into! And they introduced me to the 5 other people with them (some of whom had also just met that night so it wasn't awkard for me...lol but I probably wouldn't have been anyway. I was feeling especially out-going tonight), and we all just sat around for an hour and a half or so and told stupid jokes and sang numbers from musicals. It was so much fun! OHHHH and 2 of the new people were a cute lesbian couple! GOSH I miss my lesbian friends! I really hope we end up being friends!
     
    SOOOO then of course I came home and wrote this blog entry, but the best part is that Matthew was on and I'm getting to hear all about how his trip is going! (Miss ya, Matty! ). So I told my friends I was just going home and going to bed since I've been up like a day and half now. I was planning on just soaking in a nice hot bath (Thanks again, Vance! ) and relaxing. BUT, my feet don't hurt anymore and inspite of it all I'm not tired. So I'm half-considering going back out and hitting the dance club! Of course it'll be packed and the line will be CRAZY, but still I dunno....
     
    Anyway I realize that this blog is incredibly rambly and badly written, but the mind-numbing effusiveness is pretty indicative of my current bubbly mood, so I'm just going to leave it.
     
    Anyway have an awesome day everyone and take care!!
    Kevin
  13. AFriendlyFace

    My Marvelous Monday

    By AFriendlyFace,

    I like alliteration; can you tell?
    So today totally rocked!
     
    First off I was doing the evening/night shift at work so I got to sleep really late (2:00pmish). Secondly, I'm well!!! WOO HOO, I was sick for a little more than a week and it totally sucked! Plus I hadn't been sick in awhile so I guess that made it seem extra less than fun.
     
    So anyway I went into work, and I was running late because it was rainy and traffic was bad. Which seems like that wouldn't be a good thing, but it totally was because I just called and told them I'd be about 10 minutes late because of the rain - which they were fine with - and I was actually really enjoying the drive and the radio station I was listening too!
     
    So then I got to work and yeah it was so much fun tonight! I had a nice chat with the scheduling manager when I got there - he's such a nice guy - and I told him how I wouldn't be able to work Thursdays and Fridays anymore 'cause I wanna do that sub. teaching thing. Then I didn't get any tables right away so I was having this lovely chat with one of my co-workers, Mia. She's so hot! There's like 5 or 6 really hot guys that work there (more on one of them later), and her. Anyway, I was SO stunned because we were talking and she mentioned her girlfriend! She totally didn't seem like the lesbian type! And I've usually got really good "lesbiandar". So were were talking about clubs and stuff, which gave me the perfect opportunity to make sure she knew I was gay too because I brought up a couple of gay clubs. It was really funny because it was totally one of those situations where we were each very subtly coming out to the other person, but each trying to act like we already knew when were really excited to find out...if that makes any sense. LOL, anyway it would have made a very fascinating social study **Puts on his sociologist hat**. So yeah you'd think that since I was actually kinda attracted to the girl I'd be disappointed if anything about her turning out to be a lesbian...but no, I was actually really happy and excited about it. I guess because I knew nothing was ever going to happen anyway. Besides I love lesbians! They're so awesome! Anyway she said she'd call me next time she and her girlfriend went to this cool lesbian club she was talking about. She said some guys do go too, which yeah hopefully, but whatever, if anything I'll have a really good time because I love hanging out with lesbians . I've often thought that I'm like the opposite of a "fag hag"...I guess I'm a "dyke dude" (obviously I saw that with the utmost amount of respect and affection).
     
    So yeah speaking of cool lesbians I also had fun chatting with my friend Melissa, BUT on the downside she told me that Megan was sick . So yeah I sent her a text message after work and I'll call her tomorrow. Megan is the friend from the GLBT group that got me the job in the first place. She's so super-nifty . OHH guess what?! Well I'll just tell you so I don't get a bunch of comments that just say "what?" She and Jesse are getting married (or commitment ceremonied) this summer! YAY! I'm so happy for them! And guess what else?! (well again I'll just tell ya ) they won this free honeymoon package from the bridal shop!
     
    Okay so anyway work itself was pretty nice too! It was slow tonight, but I still did pretty well for tips and I really liked all my people tonight. I had the nicest chat with this one lady!
     
    OHHH and best of all, I flirted a bunch with the guy I like...okay like I said there's like 5 really adorable guys at work. But two of them are straight...well one of them is definitely straight, the other one I just have no reason to assume he's gay, one of them I just can't figure out (Eric from my last blog, the one that no one seems to know about lol), one of them already has a boyfriend, and that leaves this guy, Brandon. He's really cute and he's ALWAYS smiling, which I just think is super-adorable. So yeah we've been flirting back and forth the last several times we've worked together. It's really fun I think I might ask him out soon(ish). We just need to have at least one more really good, fairly long, conversation first. Which is tough because in the past we haven't been working in the same area, so really just the fact that we've talked AT ALL is a good sign, but hopefully soon he'll be my partner. HAHA okay, so that sounds way different than I mean it. See they call the person that works in the same section as you your "partner", and of course you get more time to talk to your actual partner. LOL so hopefully he'll be my partner . Anyway I feel really good about this.
     
    So after I was done with my shift I decided I'd actually eat an employee meal (my first time). We get 50% off which is a really nice deal, but I've been trying to eat healthy. I figured I might as well splurge though so I got my favourite (from when I used to come in as a customer at the ones in Lafayette and Baton Rouge), the stuffed chicken Marsala with the Tuscana soup and a slice of black tie mousse cake for desert! YUM! It was awesome! Now normally a bunch of servers are all eating around the same time because general several people decide to eat after their shifts, but unfortunately tonight everyone that got off just went straight home. However, on the bright side my favourite manager, not the one I mentioned earlier a diferent one (yeah it's really kinda confusing), decided to keep my company while I ate, so we had a nice chat. I must say I got quite a surprise though! I always thought he was gay (it seriously seems like there's about a 50-50 gay/straight split there), but we were chatting and I was talking about how I wanted to go to the university of Houston next fall for grad. school and he said "oh yeah, my girlfriend is getting her master's there". Of course I was totally stunned and my first thought was "Whoa! You mean you're straight?! ", but fortunately I didn't say that and instead came up with the fairly generic "how does she like it there?". Also, I never realized how useful it was to be eating when someone gives you surprising news! If your mouth drops open all you have to do is stick some food in it and they're none the wiser! Anyway I guess I'd better stop flirting with him!
     
    Okay so then I left work, and went to Blockbuster to return a couple of movies. I'd rented the latest Star Wars movie, Revenge of the Sith, which was, IMO, by far the best of the new movies. I'd seen it in theaters and been wanting to see it again. It made me sad though, and I usually like it when movies make me sad, but this was more of a bad, unfulfilled kinda sad, but anyway I still enjoyed the movie. I also rented "Another Gay Movie", which oh my gosh you guys totally need to see! It was SOOOO funny. It's basically a gay parody of "American Pie", with some parodying of "Trick" and "Broken Hearts Club", it was just so outrageous, and fun. It was also really raunchy, and the guys in it are really hot so yeah that was fun too
     
    Anyway, while I was there I thought "hey, I think I'll get one of those monthly membership thingies where you can rent an unlimited amount of movies". So I did. I was really upfront with the guy too; I told him I basically just wanted to watch as many movies as I could in a month and then not continue the membership . Anyway he suggested I do the online membership because they were having a free month's trial , I also got the in store membership too though, because you have to wait for the other movies to come in the mail and I felt bad not paying for ANYTHING, plus I'd only have been able to get one movie tonight with JUST the online membership (because they want you to get them by mail), but by getting the in store membership too I was able to get 3 (one from the online thing and 2 from the in store thing). Anyway it's really nifty because there's no time limit on any of the stuff, but you can't get more movies till you return the old ones. So anyway I WANTED to get "Love Actually", because a bunch of people have been telling me how good it is, but it was already checked out (it was last time too , but blah if anything I'll order from online ). So anyway I ended up getting "Imagine Me & You" which is a movie about a woman who falls in love with this other woman on her wedding day (I told you I love lesbians so I'm sure I"ll enjoy this), I also got "John Tucker Must Die" because I remember seeing the previews and thinking it'd be funny, and lastly I checked out the first three episodes of "Queer As Folk". I've never seen a single episode, in fact the extent of my experience with the show is the time someone from here (and darnit I can't remember who , sorry) put that link to the Lifehouse song "Everything" that was played to a video of clips from the show. Anyway everyone says it's really good, and I figure it's a semi-important part of modern gay culture so I guess I should see what it's all about. OHH GRRRRR, I just realized that it turns out instead of getting the first three episodes OF SEASON ONE, I accidently got the first three episodes of season four . And I HATE watching stuff out of order.....GRRR, now I'm tempted to just not watch it and take it back and get the right season tomorrow, after all I have the other two movies and this didn't really cost me anything anyway since I have that membership thingy. I guess I'll watch the other two first and see if I still feel like staying up and watching QAF. One really cool thing is that since this Blockbuster is located right in the middle of Houston's gay center it's got a large selection of gay and lesbian movies. I'm enjoying getting up to speed on our culture's film and TV past/present.
     
    So tomorrow's my day off! YAY! I'm kinda thinking I may go get my hair done. I'm tempted to get it cut fairly short (for me), and dyed red. I wanted to wait and do that for Valentine's day like I did last year, but I don't think I'm going to be able to hold out that long.
     
    Anyway, I know I was probably overly bubbly and irritating in this blog post, so 5,000 bonus points to anyone who got all the way through it
     
    Have an awesome day all!
    Kevin
  14. AFriendlyFace
    Hi all,
     
    I thought quite a bit about what I wanted to do for my 100th entry, since, though rationally it's only an artificial milestone and not any more significant than any other blog entry, it's still ostensibly special. Anyway, my thoughts ranged from creating a sort of "blog quiz" that would be taken from the previous 99 entries (decided that would be way too much work for me, and few people would feel inclined to sit there and take the thing anyway) to making it into a silly story (couldn't come up with a proper storyline, and I just recently did the story in a blog thing anyway) to finally doing the sing-along blog entry I've been wanting to do for months (still can't settle on all the songs I want to use). Finally, I was sure I'd made up my mind and began creating a blog with 100 random facts about myself. Fifty-five facts, and four hours later I decided that, no, this wasn't really what I wanted to do either.
     
    Instead I've decided to use this blog entry as a sort of bridge. An opportunity to examine my past, particularly but not limited to, the last 21 months (my time here at GA), and more importantly evaluate the present, and anticipate the future. Obviously these are lofty goals, but I shall nonetheless undertake them within the confines of this relatively short blog.
    When I visited this site at the beginning of July in 2005 (I joined about two weeks later), I was feeling stressed out, tired, and a little trapped. My personal life was...boring. All my friends consisted of people I worked with or else the handfull I'd kept up with since high school. I was heavily closeted, taking a boring, but time-consuming, summer class (Latin), and basically doing my best to finish school before I completely lost what remained of my motivation (I had the rest of the summer and then the fall and spring ahead of me). I was also in a pleasant and easy, but boring job.
     
    Then one evening I decided to check out Nifty and see if I could find a decent story that would be good for more than *ahem* a few minutes of fun. I came across The Ordinary Us, and I can truthfully say that that event changed my life. (well my particular brand of life philosophy is such that I believe every event no matter how small "changes" one's life, but in this case I mean it in the more tangible, significant way that most people do when they say something like that). It wasn't exactly TOU that changed my life (although I suppose it did), but more the fact that it ultimately led me here.
     
    Looking back I doubt I would have moved away from Lousiana when I did if I hadn't been here. I also probably wouldn't have come out to my mom, and I bet I wouldn't have even expanded my circle to include more GLBT friends. Through GA I've had a completely AWESOME and amazing experience. I've met some truly incredible people, read some truly wonderful literature, and even attempted to write a bit myself. I've done things and been a part of things I never would have dreamed possible before coming here, and I'm truly and deeply grateful.
     
    Now, nearly two years later, I'm living in a new city. I'm completely out to everyone that knows me. I have a wide and varied circle of friends, and overall the whole experience has given me the opportunity to see and do things I'd never have even thought of previously.
     
    I regret nothing. I don't regret my past, even the part prior to GA. I certainly don't regret the last two years, and I have no qualms about the plans I have for my future.
     
    Yet, as happy as I am right now, as much as I like my "new life", I've never planned for it to be anything but temporary - a sort of transition until I find something else. I like my job, and I absolutely adore my coworkers, if it's possible I think I'm even closer with them than I was with the ones back in La. Yet, it's definitely time for me to move on. I'll be sorely disappointed if I'm there another month. I really like my apartment, but the whole complex is being torn down and I'm forced to move. My two best friends, arguably two of the best friends I've ever had will be married and moved half-way across the country by the end of the summer.
     
    No matter how you look at things everything will indeed be different within the next four months. I'm sort of sorry about that I suppose. If time would simply stop I'd be happy to while away an indefinite number of days in this exciting, almost surreal life. But time won't stop, and regrettably I'm running rather low on it. My exhausted bank account and tiny income can no longer support my carefree lifestyle. Thus, it's time for me to find a new job, go back to school, or both. Probably both. As much as I wish my friends would just stay, they can't, and I understand that it's time for them to move on. There's certainly no point in fighting the move, although as much as the MOVE will suck, I think I'll be crazy about the new place. Then there's the other things. Things I want to do, have to do, but won't do as long as the situation is such as it is.
     
    In many ways it's like the last year has been a vacation of sorts. Actually, that's definitely what it's been, and I definitely wouldn't trade a minute of it for anything. It's been one hell of a ride. But, vacations end and I suppose it's about time I get back to life.
     
    So, in closing I'd like to thank GA, and all those who have read this blog for the last 100 entries. I'm not sure there will be another one-hundred. I'm not sure there will even be another one. I have no idea where I'll be next, but I do know that I'm glad I was here. I also know that, whatever happens, I'll be fine; I always am.
  15. AFriendlyFace
    I had a fun day off yesterday. I went to the gym with a friend then we had lunch and went shopping. Anyway after the shopping we were heading back to my truck when all of a sudden I realize I don't have my keys. So I turn to her and say "I don't have my keys". After freaking out with me a bit, she checks her pockets and exclaims, "I don't have mine either!".
     
    SO after thinking a bit she decides she must have left hers at the gym, and I conclude that mine are locked in the truck. No worries though, we're fairly near to her house and her fiance', and my other good friend/coworker, is on her way home from work. SO the plan was that we'd walk back, wait for her to get home, then she could take me to my apartment where I could get the maintance people to let me in, pick up my spare key so that I could get into my truck, then it would simply be a matter of going back to the gym to get her keys. Sounds simple right?
     
    Well on the walk to her house, we're talking about how unfortunate it is that we can't simply call the other girl to come and pick us up or even to let her know what's going on (but we can't because her phone is broken). So then I say "It sure is a good thing we both have our phones at least". Then I stop and remember something. See when we'd originally left the truck we'd had to go BACK, because my friend had accidently left her cell phone. SO that made me realize that I still had my keys at that point because I was able to let her back in. Now there was no way I could have then relocked the truck with my keys in it because I never got back into the truck, I simply unlocked the passenger side door and stepped out of the way. I'd have had to reach past her to put my keys down, and that woulda just been very unlikely and weird.
     
    SO that meant that I musta left them at one of the shops. SO we turned around and hiked back, and checked all the stops we'd made. No luck at first, then all of a sudden my friend remembers that in the 2nd store (where we'd already unsuccessfully looked), I had been examining some of the shirts that were displayed on a ledge. So we go BACK to that store and sure enough there are my keys sitting on the little ledge!
     
    So then we went back to her place only to realize that we couldn't actually get in since...well DUH she doesn't have her keys! LOL, but waited and her fiance' got home a few minutes later. She found it quite amusing that for a good 45 minutes neither one of us had our keys. She tends to help us both keep track of things, it's really quite amazing. Everytime I lose something at work she's always the one that turns it up. And of course she's always locating things for her absent-minded girlfriend as well.
     
    Anyway, after all the keys were recovered we went to the mall because the wedding rings had arrived but one of them needed to be resized so they wanted to pass by a few jewelry stores and get some estimates (and of course I never pass up a trip to the mall ). Anyway, while we're all hanging out they ask me to be there "ring bearer bearer". See their twi cats are going to be the ring bearers (cute huh!), but I'm going to carry the cats up!
     
    So yay, I'm quite excited! I haven't been this excited about a wedding in years, so it's really awesome that I get to be a part of it, and it's even more special since it's for my two best (Houston) friends!! This'll be my first lesbian wedding too!
     
    In other news I'm completely obsessed "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven! I heard it for the first time yesterday and I musta already listened to it a hundred times!
     
    Well I
  16. AFriendlyFace

    Beautiful Boys

    By AFriendlyFace,

    The purpose of this entry is to poke fun at the highly superficial behaviour, and fleeting attractions, which often characterizes those who frequent gay dance clubs, while also serving the duel purpose of being a stylistic exercise in writing. The events depicted in this blog entry did indeed occur, but are likely exaggerated as a result of the tenuous position memory holds against fantasy.
     
    They were playing yet another techno version of some forgettable pop-hit as I stepped onto the dancefloor, deliberately making my way toward the center. As my hips began swaying slowly in time with the music - and I lightly brushed past the scantily clad guys in my path - I continued to search the crowd for a boy worth pursuing.
     
    It was packed tonight, and yet there were remarkably slim pickings. The majority of the revelers were too old, too fat, too trashy, or too taken. I smiled and avoided eye-contact as a middle-aged, Hispanic man stepped into my path and attempted to dance with me. As he pressed his chest into mine I turned my face and extricated myself from my would-be Latin suitor. It was then that a flash of light on the opposite end of the dancefloor suddenly caught my attention.
     
    My breath hitched and I stopped moving completely as I saw him. It was an artist's moment. He stood there, just under six feet, obliviously sending a text message. Oblivious indeed. Oblivious to the way the phone's dim white light illuminated his angular features like an angel with a halo. Oblivious to the way his eyes lit up like those of a child's on Christmas morning. Oblivious to the way his luminous blonde hair fell perfectly across his forehead. Oblivious to the way the phone's glow gently reflected off the buttons of his shirt, giving his chest a sort of come hither sparkle. Oblivious to the way his brilliant pearl-white teeth could just barely be seen occasionally peeking out from beneath soft, full lips. Oblivious indeed to the way his entire countenance took on a seductive look of concentration as he lightly licked those immaculate lips and delicately tapped upon the keys of his mobile.
     
    He was regrettably no more aware of the once in a lifetime moment which was even now occuring between us. Time stopped as everyone else gyrated ever more quickly to the latest Kelly Clarkson remix and it was only he and I who remained stationary, he shrouded by the aura of glowing light radiating from his palm, and I mesmerized by the sublime beauty of the form in front of me.
     
    Mechanically my feet began to compel me forward, step by step moving me ever deeper into the surreal scene now playing out on the well used floor. As the song began to come to close everyone started to cheer excitedly and draw closer to whichever warm body he'd been dancing against. Only the object of my desire remained disinterested as his slender fingers rapped the source of the impromptu spotlight.
     
    As I got within arm's reach of my very own Greek god I was struck with the realization that the true travesty of the night lay with the mere mortals who were sacrilegiously conducting their own affrairs instead of paying homage to Aphrodite's lovechild. Slowly I raised my trembling fingers, fingers which were aching to make even the slightest contact with the vision before me.
     
    As my hand tentatively continued it's approach toward my fantasy boy's shoulder the talented miss Clarkson hit her final note. With that the dim strobe lights lit up the bodies on the dancefloor, and my dream man simultaneously snapped his phone shut. The spell was broken. The young man now faced the same harsh, unforgiving light which callously, and indiscriminately, disclosed the flaws of all the club's inhabitants.
     
    Suddenly his angelic face took on a gaunt, tired look. As the shock wore off I began to retract my hand, eager to distance my digits from the weak-looking, slumped shoulder which was now only inches from my grasp, a shoulder clothed in an unflattering light blue fabric. The boy noticed this action and his dim, gray eyes snapped up as he peered at me from below stringy, vanila-coloured bangs. His haggard lips curled into a smile, a smile which revealed stained, dull teeth. I politely returned the smile...and avoided eye-contact as I turned away. Loosing interest my former fantasy began to slink through the crowd toward the bar.
     
    As Rhianna began confessing her adulterous escapades and all my fellow homos saught out fresh flesh with which to make contact, I couldn't help but cast a disappointed gaze toward the bar. This bland, unremarkable man had just missed the most beautiful moment of his life, his attention had instead been foolishly focused unwaveringly upon a fickle, uncaring object.
     
    I shook my head condescendingly, and laughed a small icy laugh. It was then than I spied a new boy a few feet away and, as I stepped in front of one of the track-lights to begin my approach, I was completely oblivious to the way the beam sent streaks of gold through my crimson hair...
     



    Michael

    By Franz Ferdinand

     

     

    This is where I'll be

    so heavenly

    so come and dance with me Michael

     

    So sexy, you're sexy

    come and dance with me Michael

     

    I'm all that you see, you want to see

    come and dance with me Michael

     

    so close now, so close now

    come and dance with me

    come and dance with me

    so come and dance with me

     

    Michael you're the boy with all the leather hips

    Sticky hair, sticky hips, stubble on my sticky lips

    Michael you're the only one I'd ever want

    only one I'd ever want

    only one I'd ever want

    Beautiful boys on a beautiful dancefloor

    Michael you're dancing like a beautiful dance-whore

    Michael waiting on a silver platter now...

    and nothing matters now

     

    This is what I am, I am a man

    come and dance with me Michael

     

    so strong now, it's strong now

    come and dance with me Michael

     

    I'm all that you'll be, you'll ever see

    so come and dance with me, MIchael

     

    So close now, you're close now

    Come and dance with me, Comeanddancewithme.

    COME AND DANCE WITH ME

     

    Michael you're the boy with l l l leather hips

    Sticky hair. Sticky lips. Stubble on my sticky hips.

    Michael you're the only one I'd ever want

    only one I'd ever want

    only one I'd ever want

    Beautiful boys on a beautiful dancefloor

    Michael you're dancing like a beautiful dance-whore

    Michael waiting on a silver platter now...

    and nothing matters now

  17. AFriendlyFace

    April 5th

    By AFriendlyFace,

    So my cousin called this evening while I was at work and left a voice mail. Turns out she's going to be in Houston on April 5th because her bestfriend's parents recently moved here and so she's riding with her to go and visit them. Anyway naturally she wants to meet up.
     
    Now my cousin and I were really close as kids. We were sorta like brother and sister (but were both only children). Anyway we've seen less and less of each other as we've gotten older, and particularly in the last four or five years, have hardly seen each other at all. Anyway, I really miss her and often think of all the fun we used to have as kids. So it all sounds great right? Well...
     
    See I never came out to her. In fact my mom's the only person in my family I am out to. I've got a really small immediate family. There's my mom, grandparents, cousin and aunt...and that's about it. Then there's my dad side who I'm really not close to at all, but that's a pretty small family too, just my dad and a different grandmother, aunt, cousin. So yeah, small family. Anyway as I said I'm not close with my dad's side at all, and coming out to them just isn't really an issue. Eventually I suppose I'll come out to my dad, and I guess sooner or later maybe the others on his side as well, but it just doesn't seem pressing in the first place, and I just don't really care in the second. As for my mom's side, well I don't plan on telling my grandparents ever because they're already really old (mid eighties), and it just doesn't seem particularly relevant (I'd hardly be likely to discuss my love life with my grandparents anyway), and like I said they're just pretty old and don't need the drama. SO since I already told my mother, that just leaves my aunt and cousin. Well basically I do plan to tell them eventually, and my cousin is actually definitely next on the list.
     
    And now you're up to speed on why I'm kinda freaking out about her coming to visit. Basically I feel like I can't not tell her while she's in town. I mean I'd only tell her face to face, while we were alone, and had plenty of time to talk, and this is pretty much the first time such an instance has arisen since high school. So I don't feel like I can just miss this opportunity. And I know people are going to say "well you shouldn't come out until you're ready", but how could I be any more ready? I mean I'm out to everyone in Houston, and I have a very large network of gay friends here, I'm also pretty active in the "scene". And I think I'm pretty comfortable, confident, and well-adjusted about the whole thing. So there's no excuse for putting it off.
     
    I guess it's just that it's so much easier to be out when you've never been in. What I mean is everyone that meets me now just knows, it's one of the early things that comes up, and they never really think of me as "straight", and I sure as heck never get used to presenting myself as straight to them. So it's just no big deal, take it or leave it. But "coming out" to people in my past...much more complicated. Especially people like my cousin, I mean geez we used eat snow cones and climb fences together. Sex/sexuality of any kind was never really a part of our relationship.
     
    That said I definitely wouldn't think twice about her knowing I were gay if she were just some random person I was just meeting. I mean I don't really think twice about it anyway, but she fits the profile of someone I'd be perfectly at ease with (female, under 30, intelligent, and fairly liberal). Still it's not just that I'm uncomfortable with the whole thing in general. I mean I suppose theoretically it could be a problem. For one thing she sucks at keeping secrets, especially from her mother (my aunt), and I've always said I wouldn't come out to her until I was ready to come out to my aunt too. And I suppose I am, ready to come out to my aunt that is, except that she's definitely one of the most difficult, complicated, judgemental people in the family. Plus there's always a chance it'll get back to my grandparents, and as I said I'm just not going to come out to them ever. SO I don't want that to happen. If that weren't an issue I don't think I'd really give damn. Everyone else in the family could just get over it and get used to it in their own time. And really that's how I feel about this too, I think worse case scenario she'll still be fine with it eventually and in the meantime it's not like things will be difficult or unpleasant for me. It's just a problem if she does react badly, or just with surprise, and spreads it around to the rest of the family.
     
    Anyway not telling her would be really weird in and of itself. I mean like I said, I'm just not "in" at all in Houston. If she meets anyone I know it could come up casually. I have several "gay" books on my shelf. Apart from the bookmarks I lost my computer is full of gay bookmarks. I have a copy of the "gay and lesbian yellow pages" by the phone. Besides all that I have WAY more skin and personal hygene products than a straight guy. My wardrobe would probably give me away, and let's not even bring up my "questionable" items (which are put away, but she's a notorious snoop and has been since childhood). So yeah, assuming I did want to stay in the closet where she's concerned I'd have to completely go through my apartment, carefully, remove/hide everything, then make sure she didn't actually run into anyone I know. And goodness, doing all that would make me feel really pathetic and lousy about myself.
     
    I've had a chat with my friend Megan about it. She thinks I should come out to her too. So far she's the only one I've discussed it with (it was fairly late when I found out), but I imagine that'll generally be everyone's opinion. I mean really it's mine too, and I suppose I'll do it, I just don't particularly want to. Blah, I feel like I'm trapped in some cheesy sitcome, "Oh look, George, it's 'the one where Kevin's cousin comes to town'!" :wacko:
     
    Anyway, other than that I had a particularly awesome day today.
  18. AFriendlyFace

    Paint It Black

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Today was a pretty good day I suppose. I finally got all my tax troubles sorted out. See it all started over a week ago when I casually decided I'd drop by H&R Block on my way home from something and get my taxes done. I figured it'd be like an hour, standard fee, and I'm good to go...Well...NO! It took two hours and the fee the guy quoted me was outragiously high! We were in fact both in agreement that the fee was inordinately high so he told me to come back tomorrow and in the meantime he'd work on getting it down (which struck me as odd in the first place). So anyway the next morning he calls and says that he fixed things and that the fee was down to like 56 dollars and I'd have the same return, apparently all I had to do was come in and sign something. So on my way to I stop in, explain who I am, and this time am greeted by a woman telling me we need to go over a few things. So I'm thinking "okay a few things, that'll just be a few minutes." So like 20 minutes later I ask "how much longer is this going to take?", and she says "oh, about an hour." AN HOUR! So I ask, "why so long when I already did all this stuff with the other guy?" And she explains that apparently he made some mistakes and we needed to re-do everything. So I'm thoroughly ticked off at this point, plus I don't have time to do all this junk, so I tell her to just give me my stuff and I'll get it done later somewhere else (I did not want to have to keep coming back to this office because it really wasn't in a very convenient location at all, and it had just happened to be where I was that first day). Well at this point she tells me that actually I can't get it done elsewhere because the first guy accidently FILED the incorrect return, and they had to do an ammended one! So now I'm REALLY mad, and irritated that apparently she wasn't going to tell me that until I demanded to have my stuff back and leave. So anyway I didn't get a chance to mess with it again for a few more days, but then I called back to try to set something up with her only to find out that apparently my little tax return was beyond her skill as well and she was turning everything over to "the most experienced agent in the office" so he could have a jab at it. Well this dude was seriously hard to track down because apparently he works abbreviated hours (which I suppose is your prerogative once you become "the most experienced agent in the office"). Anyway we finally hooked up today and a mere 45 minutes later I had everything sorted out. They did have the decency to give me a good discount though, I ended up getting it all done for 30 dollars, plus since the original guy had already filed the incorrect return they had a smaller check for the incorrect amount waiting for me, which they gave me with assurances that another check would be mailed to me for the remainder. So at least I finally got the mess sorted out and I did get a fairly decent check today.
     
    In other news I dyed my hair black last week. It was pretty much the only somewhat "natural" colour my hair had never been. So I figured it was time to try it. Overall, I'm definitely glad I did it, only I also definitely don't like it as much as the blondes and reds that I had previously been sticking to. It was just something I really needed to get out of my system. I actually really miss the attention that my red hair had been getting me. It was always really bright and fun at first then it would fade to a somewhat natural (but still loud and unusual colour ), and people would often think it was natural. Apparently I've got the complexion for a red-head. I used to get at least three comments daily on it, with at least one person asking if, or convinced that, it was real. So blah, no more random attention from strangers, lol everyone that knew me flipped though. Also on the bright side at least my eyes have been getting a little more notice, they're kinda a soft blue and look really bright and somewhat gray against the black. I've also been having a lot of fun dressing up all emo/goth, but really the freaky red worked pretty well with that style too AND it had the advantage of being able to look somewhat respectable in other clothes. I guess I just need to learn how to "wear" the black, it's tricky though since my hair has been light for the past several years. Anyway I'm thinking that from here I'm just going to gradually go blonde again.
     
    Oh yeah, and I lost all my bookmarks . It keeps frickin happening! Well really it only tends to happen like once every 4 or 5 months, but that's certainly often enough! It's so weird just one day when I turn on my computer they're gone! I don't know what's causing it, but it's really really inconvenient. I bookmark like everything, if I think I may ever want to go back to that page I bookmark (I know it sounds like that would lead to a giant bookmark mess but it doesn't because I have quite a few folders/sub-folders for various categories and sub-categories.) Anyway, I invariably loose a few good websites everytime this happens
     
    Take care all and have an awesome day!
    Kevin
  19. AFriendlyFace

    The F-Word

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Warning this blog entry contains profanity, and while it's purpose is certainly not to offend those with a same sex orientation the subject matter may be offensive to some. The opinions expressed here are only my own and all comments, concurrent or dissenting, are not only welcomed, but eagerly encouraged. Please, simply remember to treat others with respect in your response.
     
    In my opinion one of the most significant hindrances to the advancement of gay rights is the inability for all of us to agree on just how those rights should be manifested, and just what constitutes an infringement of those rights. While I'd love to (and may eventually) debate the many prejudices and divisions with which "GLBT" people treat each other that is mostly beyond the intended scope for this entry and may only lightly touch on the subject as it relates to the semantics of the issue. As is often the case my focus in interest is one the words and language we used and the intent behind them.
     
    Much has been made in recent months about the word "faggot". In fact The Advocate had a recent feature in which is described the term as the "new F word". Of all the possible terms for homosexual individuals faggot appears to be the most derisive. It's difficult, if not impossible, for most people to get away with using the word without indicating a prejudice. Similarly it's little brother, "fag", has an almost equally bad rep. Yet, in my opinion there's a major distinction: the word "faggot" is, to me, virtually never appropriate whereas the word "fag" can be applied in a more neutral, even affectionate manner.
     
    I suppose it's very similar to the oft used example black people addressing each other with a certain label, but for all other groups that label is off limits. Indeed it's very unlikely that I would get offended by another gay person using the word fag casually, and assuming I regarded the person positively they could easily get away with addressing me as a fag. With straight people...well personally the word just doesn't bother me that much, so I would always be more concerned with the intent/feelings behind the word than just the use of the word. I would probably think that it's inappropriate for any given straight person to use the word, even in a non-offensive context, but I wouldn't necessarily be offended unless it was used explicitly in a derogatory manner. Coming from a very straight person with a lot of "gay cred" it would probably be perfectly acceptable and wouldn't even strike me as inappropriate. I do have some straight friends who obviously aren't homophobic and are well acquainted with gay issues, and as such I regard it as they're prerogative to use the word.
     
    I realize this isn't something that all, or even many, gay people would agree with me on, and indeed while I view the above situations as "okay", I wouldn't necessarily advise them or partake in them myselves. I rarely use the word fag and if I do it's only in exclusively gay company and only among friends whom I know won't take offense. To me just because I do feel that as gay people it's our prerogative to use the term I also think that when done publically and in front of straight people, especially straight people who aren't well acquainted with all the issues, it's potentially very damaging to our stance.
     
    To me the word "faggot" always makes me bristle. I'd probably never use the word, and it never seems okay. I have a very gay friend who frequently uses the word fag, doesn't bother me (though as I said before I think it's not really a good idea for him to do it so casually in front of non-intimate straights), but the other day he added the "-got" to the end and I did find it somewhat offensive and highly inappropriate.
     
    "Dyke" is another interesting term. To some it seems like a dirty word, to others not at all. Lesbians, in my experience, have generally seemed okay with other lesbians using the word, and occasionally bristled when it was used by a non-lesbian. It seems to me that they take a more sensible, pragmatic approach to the term than gay males usually do to the term "fag". They do indeed often, in my observations anyway, let context and intent decide whether or not it's "okay". But who else can use the word? Do gay males naturally have the prerogative to refer to their lesbian sister as dykes? (do lesbians has the right to call their gay brothers fags?) In my opinion, not necessarily. The relationship between lesbians and gay males is often not intrinsically close enough to warrent this level of controversial familiarity. I have many MANY lesbian friends, and all of them have the "right" as far as I'm concerned to use the term fag. Most of them I couldn't really imagine doing so, some of them would do it without thinking twice.
     
    Anyone who knows me fairly well will know that I'm a huge supporter of lesbians! One of my best friends ever, and the first person I ever came out to was a lesbian. I always got along very well with girlfriends and all their friends, and my two current best friends in Houston are a lesbian couple. I've been to all lesbian events/gatherings and in general I have a very favourable bias towards lesbians, "oh good you're a lesbian! I'm sure we'll get along smashingly then!". So anyway if anyone other than an actual lesbian should be able to comfortably and casually use the term dyke in a non-offensive manner I think I should, and yet I don't, probably because of my over-cautious nature when it comes to being politically correct.
     
    Then there are all the other terms and their possible uses. A VERY wildly debated, popular vernacular is of course slangish use of the word "gay" to describe something generally cruddy. This is a sure-fire way to get both gays and straights all riled up and split evenly. I've have quite a few gay male friends, and a couple of lesbian friends, who frequently and casually refer to something as "gay" and who wouldn't think of taking offense if a straight person did the same thing. I have a couple of other gay male and lesbian friends who are ready to hang anyone, gay/lesbian or not, who uses the term in that way. I have straight friends of both genders who definitely aren't homophobic who are quite comfortable using the term in that way in front of me, and I have other friends who would use it but not in front of a gay person, or who wouldn't use it for fear of being offensive. Then, sadly, I'm pretty sure I know others who use the term in exactly the derogatory way that those who decry it fear. To me it's a complete mixed bag. I pretty much never take offense when it's used in this way, unless I know the person to be homophobic, but then it's more of a reaction to that person than the term usage anyway. Personally I'm pretty ambivalent about it. Initially when it caught on I didn't particularly like it, but now I'm so used to it that it doesn't faze me. I'd never use it myself though, even if I did like it, because again I think it's too hot and delicate a topic.
     
    Obviously the generic term "gay" is the most favourable and least offensive term when it comes to simply describing orientation. For me "homosexual" is perfectly fine as an adjective, but often has somewhat negative connotations used simply as a noun. "He's a homosexual" sounds too clinical and potentially dehumanized for my taste. "He's gay" is great. "He has a homosexual orientation" - though a bit more cumbersome - is perfectly fine, but I'm unlikely to simply describe myself as a "homosexual". It's far too impersonal for my taste, and it can often be said in a negative way. This all probably stems from "homo". I hate that term. I accept that it's generally considered less offensive than "fag", but I just subconsciously immediately perceive it as a slur.
     
    Then there's "queer". I'll be honest, I don't really like queer. I don't really like the sound in general, so regardless of what it meant it probably wouldn't be one of my favourite words anyway. But as far as usage I've just never really liked this one. Personally speaking I straight up like the word "fag" better than "queer" (and again "faggot" makes my stomach turn), but I'm definitely more comfortable using and hearing the word queer because of it's current more P.C. nature.
     
    Then there's "queen". I hate this term applied to me, and no one can really get by with using it directed towards me without at least a somewhat negative response. Usually this is purely internal because as far as I can recall no one, but friends and/or other gay people have ever addressed/referred to me with this term, and I don't believe in needlessly taking offense or starting drama, especially when the intention wasn't bad - which I know it wasn't - so while it bothers me I just keep my mouth shut, and discretely let those close to me know that it isn't an appropriate way to refer to me. I'd quite honestly rather be called a "fag" than a "queen" in both an affectionate ("fag" feels more affectionate to me) or offensive manner ("queen" feels more offensive to me).
     
    If I was having a confrontation with some homophobic person and they called me a fag, it wouldn't particularly bother me. I'd obviously be offended and mad that they were trying to insult me, but the word itself wouldn't hurt. I could even readily see myself responding in a defiantly casual way "Yeah I'm a fag, so what?". If they called me a "queer" and said it in such a way that the word was just dripping with acid, I'd be very unlikely to respond in kind "yeah I'm a queer, so what?". I probably would respond "Yeah I like other guys/am gay/whatever, so what?", but the word "queer" said meanily would offend and upset me to the point that I probably wouldn't be able to take the term back and "own it". Same with "homo", which I'm sure I'd be even less like than "queer" to blow off and fire back. "Faggot" would obviously just be the utmost profane and thoroughly piss me off.
     
    Again, I think it's more appropriate for GLBT people to use the term "queen" than regular straight people (again I'd make an exception for our closer straight allies). Recently at work I had to deal with a picky, older gay man, and as he steadily wore down my patience I began to think of him as "a fussy old queen", which I did mean in a derogatory way. I was essentially mentally applying something I regarded as a slur to him, but because I too could be categorized as a "queen" (it annoys me, but obviously I could be a "fussy young queen"), I didn't feel any guilt or sense of disappropriate behaviour. Had he belonged to any other minority I most definitely would have still gotten annoyed with him, but I would not have ever thought of him as a "fussy old ___(insert relevant slur here)". Interestingly this again seems to be the general feeling among people of all various groups. My hispanic co-workers often have nasty things to say about difficult hispanic customers, my black co-workers often have negative things to say about their black customers, and so on.
     
    I don't regard this as evidence of prejudice however. Frankly I generally love interacting with other gay people and admit to having a preference to doing so. It's just that if they tick me off I feel more comfortable and justified calling them out. I suspect it's much the same with all the other groups, because they're members of your "group" you're probably more comfortable and used to dealing with them, but if they cross the line there's less reluctance to call them out and risk appearing bigoted. This is not to say that I don't think it ultimately has that effect. In general I don't think it's a good image to present to the general public of having members of a minority say things to/about each other that others can't get away with. It creates a double standard (which ultimately I think is okay) and gives people who may have prejudices against that group more ammunition (which obviously isn't okay). Thus I thought you annoying, fussy old queen but didn't say it to any of my co-workers, and had I broken down and gossiped about him like that I would definitely only have done it to/in front of my gay/lesbian co-workers. To me "drag queen" is completely neutral, as is to a somewhat lesser extent "fag hag".
     
    Then there's the way straight people treat us and address us. I've often been surprised and a bit caught off guard (though hopefully I masked it), when non-homophobic, friendly straight guys have called me "honey", "baby/babe", or some other pet name. Now obviously I would regard these labels as sarastically offensive out of the mouth of a homophobic straight guy, but when used obviously non-sarcastically and by straight guys I'm friends with there's certainly no reason to take offense. Yet, it usually does throw me. I keep thinking "Babe? WHAT??". Interestingly, and logically, it's usually the guys that tend to address girls they're close with in this same manner who do it. To me this signals a sort of confusion on the straight guy's part, "well I don't think he wants to be treated like one of my regular guy friends, so I guess I'll treat him like one of my lady friends". Actually I do prefer to be treated like one of the regular guy friends. If you want to use an affectionate term I'm much more comfortable and flattered by "dude, man, bro, bud, etc.". I'm also fine with straight guys acting like straight guys around me, I'm fine with hearing and participating in who's hot and who's got nice tits etc.
     
    Yet, this actually seems to signify that it's me that has the hang up. I don't think twice about a female (lesbian or straight) or another gay/bi male calling me "honey" or "babe". At work their are several straight girls who typically address me as sweetie, hun, or the like, and it actually rather makes me happy. There's also another gay guy who always uses one of these terms to address me and again I find it flattering and pleasing. There's also a bi guy who does it, and again it's no big thing. So it seems a little hypocritical of me to find it uncomfortable when a straight guy does it. Especially since it obviously means that he likes me and considers me non-threatening.
     
    I think this more has to do with my expectations about gender/sexual roles. I also know that I'm guilty of accidently making people uncomfortable with my use of terms of endearment. I refer to any guy - gay or straight - and quite a few girls as "dude" if I like them and regard them as a friend, usually without thinking. I realize cognatively that it isn't really appropriate to say to a female friend, "Dude, did you see that funny looking red car?!", but I tend to do it without thinking. This probably stems from the fact that many of my close female friends have been tomboyish (some lesbians, some straight) and have used the same term casually with me and each other quite a bit, thus it obviously IS okay to use it with them, and basically just boils down to "Friend, did you...", but to a random regular girl this might be unsettling or insulting. Ironically, I think I get away with it a little bit more easily because I am gay. I've also had several gay male friends who found it odd when I addressed them as "dude", and complained that it was too "straight guy" or that I was "posing" or something. I even have one male to female transgendered friend and it would obviously be catastrophic to accidently address her as "dude".
     
    I also think that it's really important to remember that words are just that, words, and ultimately they all mean and describe the same thing. There's really no difference between a gay, queer, fag, faggot, homo, homosexual, etc. Just as there's really no intellectual difference between any "swear word" and it's "proper" synonym. In the end does it matter if you call her a "whore", "ho", "hooker", "harlot", or simply a "prostitute"? You mean someone that has sex for money, end of story. Same with the beforementioned terms, you mean someone who is sexually inclined to their own orientation, end of story. Obviously there are different levels of vulgarity and social acceptability attached to the various terms, but in the end I think we ought to try intellectually isolate the meaning from the way it's said. Obviously someone who's simply vulgar or unsophisticated could use the term "faggot" to refer to a gay man, and have absolutely no personal bias toward the man or his orientation. Similarly someone who's politically correct could refer to someone as "gay" and be full of hate and prejudice to that person. In the end, to me, it isn't really the words that matter but the way in which they are intended.
     
    Anyway, that's what I think about all of that. Anyone else have any thoughts on any of the various points? I'd love to discuss it further!
     
    Take care all and have an awesome day!
    Kevin
  20. AFriendlyFace
    So I suppose it seems like I hardly ever think about this blog anymore considering that I only update it once or twice a month . Actually, I always want to update it and have like 10 different entries I want to write, but I never seem to find the time :wacko:
     
    Anyway, I thought about all the potential things I wanted to write about and decided that in terms of simple information this was the way to go (although you should probably skip it if you don't feel like reading a fairly shallow, gushy blog entry)
     
    SOOOO
     
    I found somewhere to live!!
     
    I believe I had previously written about trying to decide whether or not to get a roommate, and where to live etc. Well I decided NOT to get the roommate AND last Friday I went apartment shopping with a friend. And guess what? (OK if you can't guess at this point you're really not trying ) I found one!!!
     
    It's fantastic! It makes my current place (which I really love BTW) look dreadful in comparison. It's got this really nice patio with this built-in outdoor storage closet thingy. Then you walk in and it's got a hardwood floor entry way (so you don't mess up the carpet with wet feet ). Then downstaires it's got this little half bath (just a toilet and sink) and this awesome living/dining room (which is AT LEAST one and a half times bigger than in my current apartment). Then the kitchen *sigh*, it's got TWO pantries, one of which is a walkin! And an open bar (which my current apartment also had - I love those!). So yeah then upstaires it's got a HUGE bedroom! With this really nice, giant window, which has a fairly decent view and is all around fun to look out of since it's on the 2nd floor. It also has two big walk in closets, even bigger than the ones my current place has!! I LOVE walk in closets, in fact they were my # 1 apartment requirement (kinda a necessity with all my clothes and junk ). Anyway then it's also got the bathroom attached which has amazing counter space! The thing I liked least about my current apartment is that it has VERY limited counter space and I use like a million products , BUT no worries with this one Also, my tub is bigger!! I hadn't even noticed till my friend pointed it out.
     
    Anyway, it's actually closer to where I work, but MUCH further from the "gay district" where I like to go out, and from where I want to go to school. It's a bit closer to the Galleria though (the GIANT Houston Mall). Anyway I timed it and it takes about 25 to 35 minutes in typical Houston "rush hour" traffic to get back to the area where I currently live. Which sounds pretty cruddy, but not in rush hour traffic, particularly later in the evening (such as when I'd be going out), it'll probably only take like 10 to 15 minutes, and assuming I do get into school (my next goal), I *think* I can cut off a lot of the traveling time by taking a series of interstates.
     
    Anyway, it's only 15 dollars more a month than I'm paying now! PLUS, they decided to waive the pet deposit, and the regular deposit is literally the cheapest one I've ever paid! AND they have a fitness center (joining a gym was on my list already). So anyway I'm pretty stoked about it In fact I'm going to see if there's anyway I can get out of my current lease and move in early (of course that would normally seem impossible, but since they're FORCING everyone to move out anyway, maybe they won't mind if a few people want to leave early)
     
    So there's my update, and now I'm going to go have a long soak in the tub while I listen to the new cd I just made. HEHE, and yes there probably will be wine and bubble bath Anyway I'm really hoping to start updating this thing more often.
     
    Take care all and have an awesome day!!
  21. AFriendlyFace
    But there's really no one home.
     
     
    My attention span and short-term memory seem to be getting progressively worse with each passing day. I'm lucky to finish sentences nevermind multi-step tasks. It was always something I just sorta blew off before. "Oh I'm just absent-minded", "it's just another quirky aspect of my personality"...but it's getting worse, and it's starting to actually bother me.
     
    I lost money again at work today...it's about the 5th time (that I know of) that it's happened since I've started. There are other people who have been there years and never lost any. I still have no clue how I'm doing it. It doesn't make sense either; at my last job I was the fastest, most accurate cashier. All I can guess is that there's just too many completely different things going on at once, or else that I'm just less careful in general since it's my money and not the company's.
     
    LOL, and goodness knows I'm not particularly careful with my own money. I'm lucky to go three days without buying some new article of clothing. And eating out? I'm lucky to go one day without eating at least one of my meals in a restaurant. Anyway, I've got to put a break on my spending...I get the impression my friends might hold an intervention soon otherwise
     
    So getting back to the point: I can't FOCUS! I lost a belt too. I mean granted I have so many it probably seems like it would be hard to keep track of them all anyway, but actually I'm pretty well-organized and tidy around the house (probably as some sort of compensating mechanism - I just can't handle clutter and disarray). That belt, like every other belt, shoe, shirt, and pair of pants, had a specific place in one of the closets that it's supposed to occupy. It isn't there, it isn't visting any of the belts nor is it hanging out in the dirty laundry with the pants...it's just gone. I mean how does one actually LOSE a belt? Not that it's the first piece of clothing that's gone inexplicably missing. I mean it's very easy for me to lose stuff in general. I just put it down then wander off, but with clothing I'm generally aware of removing them from my body, and I don't generally do that in public places (if it happens in someone's home presumably they'd run across the item and, upon seeing me the next time, say something to the effect of "hey scatterbrain, you left without your shoes the other night"). Anyway I just don't quite understand how bits of clothing just go missing periodically. My primary checkbook has been MIA for the last 6 or 7 months.
     
    Anyway, I'm seriously beginning to worry. In the past couple of months I've wandered away from sinks with the water running, FREQUENTLY prepared things for cooking/washing/cleaning etc. only to fail to turn the actual appliance on. "Gee these veggies are taking forever to cook!...ohh well perhaps if I turned the stove on". How I've managed to avoid having a car accident is beyond me. I am NOT focused enough to be behind the wheel of a highspeed vehicle. I mean I think I'm too much of a space cadet to drive, but I can't exactly not drive; it's pretty much a requirement of modern life, particularly if you are a young, single, working person. It's fine for an 80 year old to say "I just didn't think I should be driving anymore", but when a twenty-something year old says it people think he's nuts!
     
    The most frustrating times aren't those in which I misplace things, or even when I forget an important step in an everyday activity; the most frustrating times are those in which I'm really trying to focus, trying to remember what I needed to do or say and can't.
     
    I really am worried. I'm getting enough sleep, my mood is good, I'm eating heathily and yet, for lack of a better term, I'm getting senile. Worse considering the frustration that comes when I try to focus and can't, walking around in a happy, foggy daze is not only getting easier to do, it's also getting more tempting. It's almost like I'm giving up. For years I struggled to keep my mind on the matter at hand, now I'm content to let it flit about wherever it deems appealing. What if one day I wander into my own little world and don't come back at all?
  22. AFriendlyFace

    A roommate?

    By AFriendlyFace,

    So this isn't what I wanted to write about. I've been wanting to write a blog entry about an article I read recently in Entertainment Weekly, but this is something I have to decide sooner (well the other one isn't a decision at all ) so I'm doing this one instead.
     
    Anyway, here's the situation. I have to move out of my apartment in May because they're tearing it down to rebuild luxury high-rise condominiums. They've pretty much already done that with all the other houses and buildings in the immediate neighbourhood so I suppose it was just a matter of time. But I'm seriously ticked off because I really liked my apartment! It has two walk-in closets in the bedroom - which I've now decided are going to have to be on my list of necessities.
     
    So anyway, I was complaining about this a month or so ago at work and one of my friends/co-workers said that her lease was also up in May and that she was looking for a roommate. So I wasn't really sure how I felt about getting a roommate, so I just sorta gave a non-committal answer and didn't bring it up again. Anyway tonight she brought it up again, and made it sound like a really smart, fun idea. So I said I'd have to think it over and crunch some numbers and stuff and get back to her...so now I have to do that.
     
    I'm just not sure what I want to do.
     
    On the "no" side:
     
    -I've lived on my own for the last 3 years and just didn't really expect to ever have roommates again. I figured I'd live by myself until I eventually met someone special and we moved in together. LOL well not that she isn't special, but you know what I mean
     
    -I'm really independent and strongly value my space and privacy.
     
    -Given my whole shopping addiction thing, I have a full apartment's worth of things already, in fact I wish it were a bit bigger just to accommodate all of my things. Merging everything just isn't that feasible unless she literally lives in an empty place, and I just don't think I want to get rid of anything. I mean again I'd be willing to if it was like I was moving in to start a life with someone, because then we'd be getting our stuff, but I don't want to like get rid of my couch and use her's when I'm sure I'll be needing one again after we part ways.
     
    -I just like to come and go as I please and have over, or not have over, whomever I please. I mean I can come in at 4am and make all the noise I like and it's my business. I always have the option to have anyone over at anytime I please. Or to go home and know I can be alone and not bothered.
     
    -The whole thing seems counter-productive as far as the development of my life goes. It's like a little step-back as far as independence goes. Also, moving in with someone from work just further entrenches me there. This is supposed to be a temporary job, in fact I didn't expect to be there this long.
    On the "yes" side:
     
    -I do really like her. She'd probably be a good roommate, and I'd be happy to get closer with her and become even better friends.
     
    -I've got that whole spontaneous, experience whore thing going so on the surface it seems like a fun, spontaneous thing to do, and I'd undoubtedly get to meet lots of people I otherwise wouldn't have, and be exposed to lots of things I otherwise wouldn't have.
     
    -It really is convenient in terms of timing. Not just the fact that our leases are up at the same time, but also a couple of months after that my two bestfriends are moving away (so sad about that ). So it would help me build and sustain another important relationship.
     
    -I'd save ALOT of money.
     
    -This is sort of the same thing that was in the "no" category: it would help me establish stronger ties with the people at work. I'm already friends with them, but we'd be more likely to hang out in groups if two of us are already together. Plus, we could like carpool and stuff.
     
     
    So anyway I'm sure there are lots more pros and cons, but those are the ones that spring immediately to mind. I should probably give her an answer within the next day or so. Of course I'm going to make this decision on my own, but opinions and perspectives are always welcomed.
  23. AFriendlyFace
    So I've been thinking a lot about the qualities and characteristics I require in someone before I have a serious relationship with them and I've come to an unfortunate conclusion...I'm impossibly picky. I mean basically my criteria are such that they have to be impossibly gorgeous, brilliant, witty, and morally virtuous. All without being vain, condescending, mean, or holier-than-thou. They also need to be suitably unconventional, easy going and all around non-stodgy, and WANT me without NEEDING me. Impossible right? Yeah, well it gets even more complicated when you add in all my issues which seem to create conflicting desires. :wacko:
     
    I've been dating a lot lately. I suppose it's a result of many factors. I'm not dealing with school so I have more time and energy. My shopping addiction has reached epic proportions ( ) and I've therefore had more motivation to go out and thus utilize my ever expanding wardrobe. The "gay scene" is really quite large in Houston and I have a much wider array of real life gay and lesbian friends than previously. And perhaps most importantly I think I've just decided now's a good time.
     
    The downside: I've been feeling kinda mean, kinda slutty, and kinda like a C*^&tease, depending on the circumstance of course. Logically I think that's unavoidable when you're "actively on the market", but it's still a bit troublesome where the actual people and emotions are concerned.
     
    I don't normally like to discuss my actual personal life in my blog. However, I think I'll make an exception with this entry since I could definitely use the advice, input, and general opinions of those reading. I won't actually discuss my sex life though. I suppose these accounts might also help explain, at least in part, my reduced presence around here, lol.
     
    I guess it all started with the English guy from my GLBT group. We flirted back and forth for weeks, finally went out one night. Had a lot of fun. Then we each apparently lost interest. No regrets there. He's cute, fun, and definitely what I wanted just then. Besides we're still friends and neither of us got hurt.
     
    Next I met this guy online (not here). I had fun talking to him. He was delightfully unconventional and the picture he showed me was...beautiful. SO I figured why not meet somewhere neutral for a date. Here's where I feel mean and superficial. Let's just say that while I do believe the picture was genuine it had to have been 1) HEAVILY airbrushed and 2) not particularly recent. The unconventional I found so charming online also came out considerably less endearing in person. Unfortunately he was interested so I basically had to make up this BS about having major issues and not being in the right place etc...then I just pretty much cut contact with him...definitely feel bad about this one. He did end up getting hurt and while I don't actually regret my actions once we'd met (I just wasn't interested and I think I was as kind and gentle as possible), I DO regret getting into the situation at all. However, I do see it as a learning experience and I suppose since it did all turn out okay in the end it is a bit cool that I have an internet-dating gone bad story.
     
    The next guy was perfect . He was exactly my physical ideal of beauty: cute, young, blonde, blue eyes, slender but well-built; however, he was also quite intelligent, really sweet, sensible, and charming. Sounds great right? Yeah, BUT he was also going to college in California. He was just visiting over the Christmas holidays. Certainly no regrets here though, just having gone out with someone who so perfectly matched my ideal of perfection is something I needed to get out of my system. It'll also probably be something that I'll always feel happy about when I think about it.
     
    And then it all started getting complicated :wacko:
     
    See I met this guy through my lesbian friends and we became friends and started hanging out. I had a really good time, he was fun and we enjoyed going to many of the same places and doing the same sorts of things. Then he started acting...weird. You ever just get this slight feeling that someone likes you? Well this wasn't like that! This was "suddenly I'm just going to start treating you like my boyfriend" . I can't figure out how he got this impression either. We never so much as kissed or held hands. I guess it was my fault for not setting him straight right away. Instead I just kinda kept hoping he'd snap out of it or something, and I tried to subtly let him know that I wasn't interested. I actually didn't end up handling this one. My absolutely amazing friends stepped in and gently set him straight. I do feel bad that I didn't take care of it myself, but I didn't ask them to do it; I guess they just got tired of me whining and worrying. Anyway I do feel bad about this one because 1) he definitely got hurt and 2) someone else ended up bailing me out.
     
    Then a couple of weeks ago (exactly two today actually), I went out clubbing. While I was dancing I saw this cute guy dancing shirtless. We made eye-contact and proceeded to dance (rather dirty) (quite dirty ) for the next hour and a half. While we were dancing I came to a conclusion that once again makes me feel like a mean, superficial so-and-so: gorgeous body, ho-hum face. To further complicate things this was actually during the incident mentioned in the previous paragraph. So I got the rather odd feeling like I was somehow cheating on the other guy even though we WEREN'T dating. I suppose it's because in his position I'd have wanted to know how the person I thought I had...something with felt before he started bumping and grinding on the dance floor with someone else. Anyway those two things added up to me not wanting anything more than a dance from. However, by the time we'd stopped the least I could do was exchange numbers with the guy.
     
    He called an hour later and we had our first actual conversation (you can't really talk to someone over the loud music while you're dancing). Anyway on the one hand I thought it was kinda cute that he called an hour later, on the other hand the impression I got from the phone call was that we just weren't that compatible, even though we did talk for a good half hour. I think it's just that I like making conversation and talking to all sorts of people. Anyway we made one of those "We'll have to get together sometime" dates. At least I thought it was one of those. He called me back a week later while I was at work and left me a voicemail in which he sounded a bit angry and hurt, but also pleading, and encouraged me to call him. By then everything had been sorted out with the other guy so I figured even though I didn't think I was interested in him, I'd might as well at least go out with him and give it a chance.
     
    So we went out Tuesday; I actually had a great time. We went to this piano bar, then played some pool, and got to meet all sorts of interesting new people. The thing is while I definitely had a lot of fun it just wasn't...like that. I mean I think I just had fun because I had fun. I'd have probably had fun with anyone. Unfortunately, he's definitely convinced the date was a complete success (which maybe it was??), and uh....well he just came on really strong. Like I said it was the first date, but he already mentioned living together! And again he called like an hour after it was over - which I'm sure I'd think was adorable and really sweet if I were interested. Anyway the way he was talking it just definitely seemed like he was making plans for me to be a major part of his life. But yeah I'm just not interested. For one thing he's obviously a drama queen, he more or less tried to get me to fight some guy who'd upset him (Yeah, me; like I'd ever pick a bar fight with someone over something minor), and that was just the most salient example of drama queenness; there were others. And anyway I just don't feel that "spark".
     
    Anyway, I know I should probably just call him and gently let him down, and I suppose I will, but a couple of people have said he seems like the dangerous stalker type and I'm best off just cutting all contact and never calling him again or answering the phone if he calls (he doesn't know where I live). I don't really think that's the case, but it's easy to freak me out about stuff like that so now I'm all paranoid.
     
    Anyway tonight (Thursday), my GLBT group met and during the meeting I noticed this cute guy and this girl kinda sitting to side and hanging back, but seemingly listening. Everyone else either didn't notice, or didn't think they were here for the meeting, but I had a strong hunch they were and I didn't want them to feel excluded (plus the guy was cute ) so I figured it couldn't hurt to go and introduce myself afterwards. They were indeed there to see us, but too shy to throw themselves into the mix. So I introduced them to everyone else and invited them to hang out with us (we always have dinner and then go out or something afterwards). I think they had fun and Phil - that was his name - said he'd definitely come back to the next meeting.
     
    Anyway I'd been kinda flirting with Phil off and on all evening (I was also catching up with a bunch of other people I hadn't seen for awhile, plus everyone wanted to talk to the new guy so we didn't really get to talk that much). Anyway I got the impression he might be interested too, but of course it's hard to tell since he may have just been friendly and stuff since I was the one that brought him over. So as he was leaving he asked if I had facebook. I don't really do the facebook/myspace stuff so I said "no", then I thought oh why not? so I added, "but you can have my number". So we exchanged numbers
     
    Anyway I definitely think I'll actually like this one if he likes me back...now all I have to do is figure out if he does. I'm planning to call him Saturday and see if he wants to get together. In the meantime I've got to decide what to do about club guy. I'm also planning to do some serious cleaning, and hopefully writing, tomorrow (well technically today, but I haven't slept yet so I'm saying tomorrow ).
     
    So there you have it, more or less what I've been up to lately. I feel uncomfortably exposed with this entry, but any thoughts are welcomed. Have an awesome day everyone and take care
  24. AFriendlyFace

    No Regrets

    By AFriendlyFace,

    My friend Claire called today. I've mentioned her in a few other entries. She's awesome; at various phases in my life she's definitely been my best friend. She also holds the distinction of being the only girl I was ever in love with. I'm often attracted to girls, sometimes even a tad enamored, but usually there's no real emotional/romantic connection. Except for her, I wasn't even particularly attracted to her, but I still considered spending my life with her. Anyway it's only fair I suppose, she was in love with me for awhile too. Never worked out for us though (obviously). The timing was always off. It was actually quite dramatic, one evening we went out to dinner and I was just about to tell her my feelings when she choose the same moment to tell me she was a lesbian and in love with a mutual friend of ours. C'est la vie.
     
    Anyway when we went to college she attended one about 20 miles from our high school whereas I elected to move a couple of hundred miles away and attend a different, larger university. Anyway four and a half years later she's dropped out of two other schools three times and now she's decided to move to the city I just left and give it a go there (where she was supposed to go in the first place before she settled for the closer, smaller university). So she calls me today to ask me about various places she could find various things as well as directions to said places. I must confess for the briefest moment I thought "If you'd gotten your ducks in a row in the first place we'd have been there together". It probably would have been nice having her around more in college, but then I realized that train of thought was just plain messed up. I'm a firm believer in the butterfly effect and the loose, random chain of seemingly unrelated events that lead people through life. On the surface it seems like nothing would have been different except that I'd have had another close, trusted friend around, but in reality I have no doubt that everything would have been different. I probably would have choosen a different job and apartment or in the least stayed in them for a different amount of time. Countless events would have been altered and I'd have met (and not met) countless people. It's very unlikely I'd have ended up sitting here in Houston. And that's not even to say that I think she alone would have been able to significantly alter my life. I believe that'd be the case were to have spent more or less time with anyone in my past. Heck to be honest I kinda think my whole life might be different if I'd made or missed one extra, random traffic light when I was seventeen. HEHEHE, if I think about it long enough sometimes I come to the conclusion that MY whole life would be completely different if YOU (dear reader) had made or missed one extra traffic light six years ago.
     
    Anyway I definitely wouldn't want my life to be any different. I wouldn't even want to take back any of the mistakes or bad things because when it comes down to it I don't believe any of the bad could be taken away without destroying a whole lotta good. Besides I'm REALLY digging my life right now. It's so amazing; I often feel like my whole life consists of going from one fun activity to the next one. Oh I have my bad days and bad moods the same as everyone else, but they're usually fairly fleeting and being a total experience whore I don't even mind so much sometimes. It's part of the human experience right? Anyway it just feels like it's getting better and better, and who knows perhaps if Claire had been around she'd have inadvertently set about a chain of events which would have ultimately led me into a life of pain and misery...or perhaps she'd have made things even more sublime *shrugs*
     
    Anyway other topic: GOSH I love lesbians! I mean obviously I'm crazy about gay males, and I like straights of either gender, but I must say I really have a special place in my life for lezzies. I've known so many and been less than crazy about so few. I'm SO excited about my friend Megan's upcoming wedding! It's my first lesbian wedding! My first gay wedding actually. I love weddings. Up until now I've only been to the straight kind, but I have a feeling the gay ones will be just as, if not more, err fabulous
     
    I think the thing I enjoy most about spending time with lesbians is the LACK of sexual tension. I mean sexual tension is fun, but sometimes it's nice for it not to exist at all. I mean with other gay guys there's obviously a huge potential for a sexual undercurrent. Usually that's really fun and keeps the conversation lively, and that's not to say that I haven't had some really important, serious, non-sexual conversations with my gay male friends, or even that I think the sexual thing usually interferes, but still... Then there's straight girls, I don't mind a little casual flirting there and even if I'm not actively doing it or receiving it there's still the occassional random moment where you stop and think "wait is she hitting on me?" or "did I just send the wrong message?" or "can I really say that?" And straight guys :wacko: . I know alot of really awesome straight guys who really do seem cool with the whole gay thing, but still I'm like constantly on guard to not violate that trust, or be perceived to violate that trust. And I'm always asking myself "how is he going to interpret this?". Plus I think some straight guys, especially the ones that are cool with it, occassionaly purposely send mixed messages. And I'm totally not blaming them for it since it's pretty much exactly what I just admitted doing with straight girls sometimes. I mean lets face it all that stuff can be fun, if not complicated, but it only happens if there's a reasonable potential for either a mutual or one-sided attraction. Personally I believe in the somewhat unpopular notion that everyone's at least slightly potentially bisexual (even if they'd never act on it or even consciously recognize and label it), but a gay guy and a lesbian is about as sexual-tension-less an environment as you can create. Anyway thus when I hang out with my lesbian friends I'm not worrying about how I look or the messages I'm sending etc. It's nice to not worry about those things.
     
    And thus ends the ponderings of a hopeless "dyke dude".
  25. AFriendlyFace
    "It's All Been Done"


    by Barenaked Ladies

     

    I met you before the fall of Rome

    And I begged you to let me take you home

    You were wrong, I was right

    You said goodbye, I said goodnight

     

    It's all been done

    It's all been done

    It's all been done before

     

    I knew you before the west was won

    And I heard you say the past

    was much more fun

    You go your way, I go mine

    But I'll see you next time

     

    It's all been done

    It's all been done

    It's all been done before

     

    And if I put my fingers here, and if I say

    "I love you, dear"

    And if I play the same three chords,

    Will you just yawn and say

     

    It's all been done

    It's all been done

    It's all been done before

     

    Alone and bored on a thirtieth-century night

    Will I see you on The Price Is Right?

    Will I cry? Will I smile?

    As you run down the aisle?

     

    It's all been done

    It's all been done

    It's all been done before

     
    I've always thought that song was a was not only super-fun and catchy, but also conveyed a very attractive life attitude. The whole idea of everything being the same even in vastly different times and places. The endless history; the endless future. Shakira's "Whenever, Wherever" is somewhat reminiscent, but while Shakira definitely has the bouncier, I-want-to-dance version, "It's All Been Done" conveys a more bittersweet, almost hopelessness when it comes to trying to change fate. Plus "Whenever, Wherever" is mired down by being just another love balled. "It's All Been Done", while also easily interpreted as a long song, could also apply to the general nature of all relationships, life, and time in general.
     
    In the same thread there's a quote from a scene in the movie "Vanila Sky" that I've always really loved. David (Tom Cruise) has already been in the accident and gotten disfigured and he's trying to "win bacK" Sofia (Penelope Cruz). So he's trying really hard and they're dancing at this club and she says something to Brian (Jason Lee) and David demands to know what, but she says she'll tell him later. He presses the issue and demands to know when. Finally she just blurts out:
     
    "I'll tell you in another life when we're both cats"
     
    I just love the blithe tone of the whole thing, the whole way of thinking. I don't exactly believe in reincarnation and past lives, but I do believe in the essential fluid yet unchanging nature of life and time and the inexplicable ways in which people's journeys seem to become tied together.
     
    Similarly I never like to leave anything or anyone without the option of returning, in some way, to their lives or the setting in general. Why say "goodbye" when you can say "goodnight"?
     
    That's sort of the thing about cats, out-door cats anyway, they don't really make any promises about coming back, but there's never any excuse needed when they do. They might be gone for weeks, months even, and one day you open the door and there they are like nothing ever happened. Alternatively you may see them everyday for years then one morning they just disappear for good. You never really know.
     
    Anyway, to be completely honest with everyone I suspect evening is falling on my day here at GA. I know there's been some rumours around here about various bits of drama etc., and I want to state categorically that I'm not at all displeased or personally offended by any admin, team member, member, policy, or practice. I don't feel alienated, unwanted, or mistreated, and I definitely don't love any of you guys any less. And I'm not "leaving" either. For the foreseeable future I'll stick around for some behind the scenes projects, and remain at least somewhat active in various forums and blogs. I also have no "intention" of making this my last blog entry. I firmly retain the right to at any moment hurl myself headlong into all the activities I can find around here and be 3x more active than ever before and to remain so for years or decades God, Myr, and the internet willing. However, my life does seem poised to carry me in a new direction. There're any number of things which could occupy my time and attention such that I slowly, or even abruptly cease to come around. That doesn't mean that I won't finish what I've committed to do or ignore people if they try to contact me. There's also quite a few people around here, and you know who you are, that I don't EVER intend to leave behind and whom I sincerely hope I'm always in touch with regardless of whether it's through GA or not.
     
    As of right now I have every intention of finishing Indefensible and even have plans for other projects. However, as some of you have probably noticed, I've hardly been on the last month or so. I've gone days without logging on at all. I've been in various nooks and crannies of the internet for the past 7 or 8 years and I know the cycle well enough to know that when this happens it often means that before long I'll be completely swept up in some new "real life" thing and that by the time this "real life" thing is over there's every chance my "residential" status in my previous internet community will become "visitor" status. What's always happened in the past is that people have worried that something has happened to me, that I'm sick, dead, hurt, angry, or otherwise disillusioned or incapacitated. This has never actually been the case. So I just wanted to relieve those worries before they develop. If I abruptly, or gradually, disappear - even though it probably does seem out of character - I'm probably fine and I'll still more than likely drop by every now and then, sporadically at least, for as long as the place still exists (my other previous internet homes have ceased to be). Remember also that while I usually do wander off from particular places and activities I never lose a place in my heart - or my life - for the people that I knew there. Be it PM, email, MSN, mail, or phone I'm sure most of you can contact me if you want to, and I definitely intend to contact/stay in touch with you all too. Besides even if I do disappear, or you disappear, we'll meet again eventually... some time in another life when we're both cats.
     
    Goodnight all
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