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AFriendlyFace

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  1. AFriendlyFace
    2009 is certainly off to an auspicious start. My life has been so unbelievably good the last few weeks.
     
    Right now I just feel like all the stars have aligned and everything's going right. I'm feel like I'm in a really good place and on strong emotional/relational footing in pretty much all of my relationships!
     
    I'm really enjoying my resurrected friendship with Brian. Oddly enough, I feel like the song "Cool" by Gwen Stefani sums it up nicely:



    Yeah, I know we're cool

     

    And I'll be happy for you

    If you can be happy for me

    Circles and triangles

    And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend boyfriend

    So far from where we've been

    I know we're cool

     
    I also feel like Luke and I are on better footing than we have been in months. I voluntarily sought out, and enjoyed, his company today.
     
    Scott and I have never been closer. In fact I felt like our relationship hit a high point recently.
     
    John's about to leave for his new adventure, and I'm going to miss him terribly, but at the same time I'm pretty excited for him. I also feel like I can actually step back enough to gain some perspective and realize that I'm just fortunate for the times we've had together. Oddly that sorta reminds me of a line the Bright Eyes song "Landlocked Blues":



    But it all boils down to one quotable phrase

    If you love something, give it away

     
    And I do love him, and he needs to do this, so he has my support.
     
    I also take great comfort in my enduring friendships with Claire and Mandi. They, and Mandi's girlfriend - who I also really like - came to stay with me for New Year's and we just had so much fun! It's nice that after so many years there are still so many adventures and happy times to look back on and so many more left to have. Also, both their lives are in such good places right now!
     
    Meanwhile, I've stayed close with Megan and Jesse and things are as good as ever between us.
     
    It's just so great that while I've got all these terrific gay boys in my life, I've still got my lesbians
     
    At the same time, I'm also developing a really good friendship with Brian's new boyfriend. In fact we had the most awesome conversation tonight about literature, sex, and gender roles (three of my favourite talking points ).
     
    On top of that I've added several new friends to my 'inner circle' and I'm really excited and grateful to have them in my life.
     
    Plus, my boy William is coming into town next weekend! I'm so excited about it!
     
    In the family realm, I also feel really happy with my relationship with my mom. I mean we've usually got a pretty good relationship, but I've really been enjoying our recent conversations. Same goes for my grandparents.
     
    As a nice little 'surprise', I even had a nice chat with my dad the other day. It's not that we have a bad relationship most of the time, it's just that we usually have a pretty much non-relationship. Which really I think is more my 'fault' than his. I'm just pretty disinterested most of the time and seldom put forth much effort. The other day he called me though, and I made a solid effort to be responsive, and I think I was.
     
    I also had a "date" with the most wonderful guy last night! I put date in quotation marks because truth be told it was mostly a hook up. But it was an INCREDIBLE hook up. Best sex I've ever had actually, not to mention the longest. He was so hot, and were both really into it, and not to be graphic but it had all the things I really like in sex, and it was really sensual, but still really passionate. In fact, I've always said that I wanted to experience 'lesbian sex', not so much in the physiological sense but in the relational/emotional/mental sorta sense. I feel like last night pretty much qualified. They say good sex is about good communication and putting the other person's pleasure first, and we were really doing that! It was just so, WOW! Anyway, we connected really well emotionally and afterward we had the most terrific conversation for a couple of hours. I feel like it really did turn into a date because we went out for food and did have such a great conversation. Anyway, the whole experience was just wonderful, so good and satisfying for both of us. Great sex and great conversation with a beautiful, interesting person. Hard to top that.
     
    While we're on the topic of the physical, I've felt GREAT lately. So energetic, and fit, and all around healthy. I've renewed my commitment to cooking and eating fresh, healthy foods and I'm making it a point to go to the grocery store every other day or so, so that I always have fresh stuff on hand. It's just so amazingly delicious and I just adore cooking anyway. I feel like I've been eating better and enjoying my food more than I have in years!
     
    Meanwhile, I've also joined a gym. I'm not usually a big gym person because the kind of look I like for myself, and other guys for that matter, is more of a toned, but not large or bulky look. Besides, I'm more into activities when it comes to exercising. Sitting about lifting weights or walking on treadmills just isn't my thing. But this new gym is fantastic! They have this wide variety of classes and activities everyday! Kick boxing, Pilates, yoga, spinning, salsa, and tons more! It's mad fun! Add to that the rollerblading I took back up recently, and I've been having tons of fun my body of late.
     
    Moving on, I've also felt great mentally lately. Like I've been reading ALOT, and I've just been totally immersed in psychology, sociology, and gender studies - just as I'm meant to be
     
    I've also been taking up several new interests. For example, I'm working on teaching myself HTML and CSS, and I'm also making an effort to get more involved in local activism. My new mid-range goal is to eventually - hopefully in a year or two - begin my own website for GLBT support, resources, activism, and cultural content. Eh, it's what I'm shooting for, but I've got a LONG way to go before I'll even begin to have the skills I need. Still, it's good to be working toward it.
     
    As far as creativity goes, I've been having so many ideas running through my head for all my stories and future projects, and I've managed to get A LITTLE writing done. I've also had this huge urge to get back into painting. Now don't let me deceive you, I have absolutely no skills when it comes to painting. A mildly talented eight year old could do better, but it's a really fun outlet and I don't care that I'm not very good.
     
    I've also been finding a great deal of enjoyment and fulfillment in music lately (hence the song references above). Mostly I just can't stop listening to Ben Folds, Bright Eyes, and Pink. They're the three artists I've been most addicted lately! Geez, their stuff is just incredible! I'd recommend something, but I'd feel compelled to list almost everything they've each ever done so I shan't bother. Oh yeah, Lily Allen is also uber cool! I don't like quite as many of her songs, but she hits home runs every now and then.
     
    Stuff at work is still really good too. Indeed, it's because of the low-stress, regular schedule, and all around pleasant atmosphere that I attribute my ability to partake in all these other fun things.
     
    So, I guess what it all comes down to is that emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, creatively, socially, familiarly, and professionally all is right in my world right now
  2. AFriendlyFace
    Slightly over three years ago I made a blog entry entitled "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year." It's amazing how much things have changed since then. I have a completely different life now. I was happy then, very happy actually, but I have to say I think I'm actually even happier now.
     
    I had the most fun this weekend! Friday night I went to a housewarming party, which was really awesome! It was actually for my girls who had moved back last August. LOL, it took them that long to get settled in and decide it was time for a housewarming party. Heck, the house was downright hot they'd been in it so long by then It was still really fun though! It was also a great chance for me to introduce them to several of my other friends since they wanted me to bring people. I was really glad for the opportunity to have everyone mix together.
     
    Saturday I slept late, cleaned up the apartment a bit, then met up for a casual coffee date in the early evening. His name is Trey and he seems like a pretty nice, interesting, good-looking guy. I had a nice time and I think I want to see him again. Which is good considering how many unsuccessful first dates I've been on recently. Anyway, after that I went and picked up my new contact lens. It's amazing how much different the world looks when it isn't all blurry
     
    That evening I went clubbing with a couple of my other good friends whom I haven't seen in awhile. It's always so good hanging out with them! We also ran into one of their friends and his partner and I had a really good time with them as well. I'd met the guy a few times before but never really got to know him before last night. He really is fun though, it was actually his birthday and that's why they were out. They don't go out often because they actually have two young kids at home It was so cute listening to them talking about their son and daughter. Anyway, back to my two main friends from this story. One of them, Steven, just had Lasak surgery done. He's thrilled with the results! It's so ironic because he literally got it done on the same day last week that I had an eye appointment and had to get glasses (and now contacts). It's sorta like the circle of life or something I guess Anyway, I think I'm going to look into that eventually. No point now though, I just bought a buncha contacts
     
    Anyway, today was incredibly fun too! I went to church with my former "former friend" for the first time. LOL, I'll explain that. If you've been reading my blog for awhile now you'll probably be familiar with this guy, who'll I'll just refer to as Brian from now on for the sake of clarity (it's either that or just 'friend' I guess ). Yeah, we had a pretty messy falling out and he hurt me pretty bad, but it's been over a year now and in the last five months our relationship has been steadily improving. It got to the point that when our paths crossed by accident or due to common activities he'd be pleasant around me and act comfortable (I never really had a problem being pleasant to him and being moderately comfortable). Anyway, then we progressed to occasionally going places together with our mutual friends (we had a lot of those), then more frequently doing that, then finally actually inviting each other to events we were hosting/organizing. Most recently we've started occasionally hanging out together again, just the two of us. Things really got better after he started seeing his new boyfriend. I think because the new bf and I get along well and also because he's happier in general.
     
    I have to say though, even though I initially was the one who was much more cool with him than he was with me and who made all the early efforts HE'S the one who's responsible for actually patching up our friendship (which is fair enough I suppose considering he's the one who ended it in the first place). I would have been quite content to leave the extent of our relationship at the socializing in groups together level. However, he started inviting me stuff, being really nice, and suggesting we hang out. It's funny because when he ended our friendship in the first place I was hurt, shocked, and more than a little angry, but I told him if/when he was ready to work things out I'd be open to the idea. ...turns out I kinda wasn't. I politely declined his invitations and dodged him for awhile after he started making efforts to fully reconcile. I don't really stay mad though, actually I wasn't mad at all by that point, just wary. Anyway, I finally gave in and things have been good between us again. Not the same though. It's just a bit difficult for me to completely trust him again. Honestly I don't expect to, on the other hand I didn't expect us to actually get to the point of being friends again so who knows what'll happen. It's just funny because a year ago this was like the height of our little feud and now I'm going to church with him. Anyway, yeah getting back to the story, we went to his church. He's a Unitarian Universalist and this was the first time I'd been to one of those services. I really enjoyed it! In fact I think I'll go back at some point.
     
    Anyway, then we hung out, had lunch, and went to the Christmas party for an organization we both belong to. That was really fun too! THEN me and Scott and John (who also belong to that organization and were at the party) all went to the Christmas party for me and Scott's church. I had a blast at that! I've actually not been attending regularly for the last couple of months (it's a liberal Methodist congregation). I dunno, I've just kinda been re-examining my spirituality and religious views (part of the reason I wanted to check out Brian's church) plus I've been enjoying sleeping in on Sundays. Anyway, the party was ALOT of fun and it was really awesome catching up with all my old church friends. Oddly enough I also found myself quite attracted to one of the other guys there. He's always been sexually ambiguous. Scott, John, Luke and I have all speculated about his orientation and we all agree that he's quite possibly gay, perhaps even quite probably, but we don't know for sure. Anyway, I'd never been particularly attracted to him before, but tonight he just looked adorable in his black sweater and cute jeans. It sorta made me notice that he actually has a very nice looking face as well and his hair was fixed nicely. I think it's actually that I'm used to seeing him in his church clothes and he actually dresses very formally to church. I mean it's a pretty fancy church so we all dress up a bit, but he always goes all out with a suit and tie and everything. I've always said that I just don't think guys look nice in suits and ties. I'm sure it's no coincidence that the first time I really notice him he's wearing something else. Anyway, it's not like I'm actually dating Trey yet, so while he's going to be my primary interest right now if things don't work out I think I may just pursue ambiguously gay church boy.
     
    Anyway, after that Christmas party Scott, John, and I went to our favourite cafe/bar and had a few drinks and hung out for awhile. It was so funny because Scott's actually interested in a different ambiguously gay guy from our church so we got really goofy (or I suppose you could say acted like teenage girls ) and planed our respective weddings. We've decided to be househusbands and neighbours together.
     
    I'm really going to miss John when he leaves He's planning on entering the Catholic seminary in January and moving to Connecticut. Since the deterioration of Luke and mine's friendship and William moving WAY out in the 'burbs (and thus never seeing him anymore ) I've really grown to think of him as my second best gay male friend after Scott. It's going to be much harder on Scott though. He and John are even closer than John and me. He's really convinced John is making a big mistake. Personally, I don't think really think it's the right fit for him either HOWEVER, I think NOT going would be a bigger mistake. I guess I basically think this is a mistake he needs to make or he'll always regret not trying it. I am of course hoping it isn't a mistake at all and that he'll be really happy, but either way I think he does need to go and see. Anyway, I'll miss him Seems like my close friends are always moving away. On the other hand they often move back and it's usually after something they needed to try so I guess I shouldn't complain. Nah, I'll do the supportive friend thing instead. I'll probably even manage not to cry in front of him until the day he actually leaves. Hell, if I can pull that off for my girls I can do it for him as well.
     
    Anyway, after that John went home and I went back to Scott and Luke's place and Scott went to bed and I chatted with Luke for awhile. Everything's been really strained with Luke for awhile now. It's the worst BETWEEN Scott and Luke (roommates) and pretty bad between John and Luke as well (ex's), and actually also pretty rough between Brian and Luke (also ex's). In fact, I actually think one of the things Brian and I re-bonded over was our own respective problems with Luke. So anyway, yeah Luke and I have had some problems too.
     
    But yeah, was a really awesome weekend all in all. Went to three parties, went out clubbing with two good friends I hadn't seen in a while, went to a new church, got contacts, strengthened a renewed friendship, and re-opened communication with..well with however I'd describe Luke ('friend' doesn't seem quite the right work anymore ). So yeah good times.
     
    Oh yeah, and one more thing that's lovely about this time of year. I absolutely love LOVE winter fashion! I've gotten to wear some of my favourite outfits the past couple weeks. I guess it's because there's more to work with in the winter: jackets, coats, sweaters, vests, turtlenecks, scarves, hats, etc. Together they just create an endless opportunity to mix and match and come up with new creations! In the summer, particularly a Texas summer, all one really wants to wear - at most - is a shirt, pants, shoes, a belt, and maybe random small accessories. Winter just offers more possibilities!
     
    Anyway, take care everyone and have an awesome day!
  3. AFriendlyFace
    So I may have to call it that.
     
    Every so often I go through this period during which I keep thinking, "I used to be a much nicer person." I admit that there's every possibility that I did not used to be a much nicer person. Perhaps it's just an illusion, the classic 'good ol' days' phenomenon, but in any case I think I used to be a nicer person.
     
    I never used to be judgmental. I always used to try my best to see things from the other person's perspective, give them the benefit of the doubt, that kinda thing. I'm still very pleasant to people on the surface most of the time. It's the thoughts I have that are particularly bitchy.
     
    The other day at work this businessman who is associated with a company we use a great deal came in with his wife and two year old child. Now the boy was adorable and a delight. The gentleman was also quite pleasant. His wife... well I really don't have anything nice to say about her. This is why I didn't say anything at all But this is my blog, and I doubt she's reading it, so I'll just say that I thought she was an extremely shallow, snobby, self-involved, bitchy person who is also an all-around cold wife and ineffective mother. Being in her presence grated on me like a very annoying song playing endlessly in my head.
     
    Today I met someone - ok technically it was a sort of date - that I was similarly judgmental toward. Now he was a perfectly nice person, and I find no fault with his disposition nor his manners. No, it was his sexuality and self-attitude that I found so objectionable. He is 'bi'. Only in this case 'bi' translates to gay but deeply closeted and with a slough of other issues which I won't enumerate because I pity him.
     
    I could go on with similar situations; the point; however, is that 'back when I was a nicer person' I would never have thought these things at all. I'd have looked for something positive in these two individuals. I'd have tried harder to put myself in their shoes before I cast any judgment.
     
    I really like my boss. He's such a nice person. Very friendly, very non-judgmental, very considerate, great attitude. He's always trying to helpful and kind to the people with whom he interacts. I could be wrong but I *think* that's how I used to be once upon a time.
  4. AFriendlyFace

    Friends and Lovers?

    By AFriendlyFace,

    I don't sleep with my friends. Well actually I don't screw my friends. Sometimes we share a bed in the non-sexual sense. It's always just made more sense that way.
     
    Recently, Scott seemed to have been hinting that we might make a good couple again. I stop and look at it objectively and I have to say it makes sense from a detached standpoint. We have a lot of fun together. We spend a lot of time together. We're each other's 'type', and we definitely care about each other a great deal. But just the though of ever doing anything sexual with Scott grosses me out. Don't get me wrong, he is attractive, and if I didn't know him I'm sure I'd want to f**K him (how's that for a classic gay male statement?). But..EEEWWW! That would be like screwing my brother. Literally, it would feel very incestuous to me. It's not just that I would worry about it messing up our friendship if we dated (although that's certainly a part of it), I'd seriously be kinda grossed out about the whole idea.
     
    Maybe I'm crazy, but I really think friendship love, romantic love, and sexual lust are very different feelings. Those stories about close friends become lovers are romantic...in theory. I mean it makes for a great romance story, and some hot erotica, to imagine two good-looking guys are such good friends that it just seems natural to cross that line. I'm definitely turned on by the idea and it's definitely very moving and compelling. I just can't imagine it. I've had some REALLY close friends before - Scott is a REALLY close friend - we're pretty damn connected emotionally AND we're physically (but non-sexually) affectionate. So it seems like if those feelings were going to happen they would happen.
     
    I had a really hot threesome recently (scandalous I know, but what do you expect with a title that has the word 'lover' in it). In fact, I think it may just have been the best sex I've ever had. It was a couple. I've never 'gotten' the whole couple playing together and having a threesome thing. I'd be mad as hell at my boyfriend for even suggesting it. Well that would be my pure emotional reaction. My calm, rational side would probably prevail and I'd do my best to listen to his feelings and explain mine. But either way the answer would boil down to a resounding "HELL NO!" That said, if other couples want to do it I've always said I thought that was completely their business. In this case I decided that if it wasn't against the terms of their relationship and it was something we all wanted to do then it was okay. And it definitely seemed like something we all enjoyed!
     
    I won't share all the juicy details since this is a public blog, but suffice to say it was REALLY good. What made it really good though wasn't just the fact that they were hot and really knew what they were doing. Part of it definitely was the simple novelty and excitement of the whole thing, the wondering about their motivation and what they were thinking (yeah, leave it to someone with a psychology degree to wonder about motivation, thoughts, and feelings while he's f**king someone), but one of the main things may simply have been the fact that I genuinely liked both the guys, particularly the bottom. He was charming, beautiful, intelligent, and a really good conversationalist. I met up with him before his boyfriend got home and we had a really long chat. I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation (which was completely non-sexual) and his company. In fact, I was concerned that I wouldn't actually want to screw him anymore because I'd spent to much time enjoying his company in a non-sexual way and casually discussing his relationship with his boyfriend (a four year relationship which seems remarkably solid). Turns out I think enjoyed the experience even more since I'd had time to become so fond of him. It was also nice seeing them interact. There was a certain pure sweetness in their touches that belied the general lust and passion that was floating around the round.
     
    We chatted some more after we'd finished and I decided that the top was a really nice, sweet person as well. So I actually couldn't help but think, despite the fact that it was some of the best sex I've ever had, that it was sort of a shame I'd just screwed them since I'd really have enjoyed being friends with them. And I pretty much had already worked out that friendship wasn't in our cards by that point. I'm not sure what sort of arrangement they have, but my guess is that not maintaining a relationship of any kind with the trick is probably a requirement. In any case I've not heard from them again.
     
    Some people would be disappointed I suppose, but I'm really not. I'm a firm believer in just happily taking what people are willing to offer, giving freely of yourself, and not having major expectations. So I could be disappointed that I won't get to have a friendship with them, or enjoy more sex with them, but instead I'm content with what we had. It was really nice and that's all I expected and more than enough to satisfy me.
     
    The point of that little story wasn't just for the sake of dirty sex talk. It was actually because that encounter is probably the only time I've ever had what I would consider platonic feelings for someone I've had sex with. That isn't to imply that my sexual experiences have been distant and unfriendly, quite the opposite I think the majority of my experiences have been quite warm. I almost always feel positive, caring feelings toward the people I have sex with. But those feelings aren't typically 'friendship' feelings per se. The sexual experiences I've had within relationships have always been emotionally connected and warm, but the feelings were romantic in nature. The non-relationship sexual encounters I've had have been warm and positive, but while I did feel an emotional connection with the people it was one of a more nondescript positive regard. I cared about them as human beings. I took added pleasure in making them feel good, and I wanted them to feel good physically and emotionally. But I would call that a sort of 'affectionate sexual lust'. It wasn't romance and it wasn't friendship.
     
    I suppose this 'affectionate sexual lust' has been a part of nearly all my sexual experiences even when there were romantic - or as in the above case, platonic - feelings as well. With the 'affectionate sexual lust' I don't suppose I'd have enjoyed sex with them at all. Indeed upon reflection the worst sexual experiences I've ever had have been situations in which I didn't feel any 'affectionate sexual lust' (or romantic or platonic feelings) for the people at all. Those experiences would be about as close as I come to 'regretting' having sex with someone, but even then I don't 'regret' it exactly. I don't consider the experiences to be negative. I don't find myself harmed by them, and I have no particular reason to think the other people were harmed either, so I don't 'regret' those experiences. I just find myself unsatisfied by them.
     
    Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at is that sex without the 'affectionate sexual lust' is pretty boring and unsatisfying. Sex with the 'affectionate sexual lust' but in the absence of either platonic or romantic feelings is perfectly nice and enjoyable. Sex with the affectionate sexual lust AND the romantic feelings is thoroughly delightful. I pretty much already knew all that. What I didn't know was that sex with the affectionate sexual lust and the platonic feelings was really good as well. I had assumed that it would be weird. It wasn't.
     
    So what does any of that mean? Nothing really. I guess just that I can readily allow for the fact that sex with friends might not be as strange as I would have assumed it to be. The argument always went that sex with friends was potentially better because the individuals involved cared more about each other's feelings and well-being. That makes sense of course, except that I don't really need to be friends with someone to care about them. I've always really liked people and enjoyed making them happy, and been considerate of their feelings, whether I knew them at all. I'm also more than assertive enough to express my own wants and feelings. So I always thought that just adding friendship into the equation would create awkwardness without any real benefit to the experience. For all I know maybe it still would. I mean I can accurately say that I 'had platonic feelings' for those guys. I could easily have become friends with them, but I certainly wasn't friends with them in the traditional sense of the word. It's not like I'd spent a great deal of time with them or gotten to know them really well.
     
    I have always thought that surely the best relationship - and the best sex - would come with someone with whom I felt an intense emotional connection with, a connection with was strong romantically, sexually, and platonically. I've always thought that would be nice. I can't say I've ever loved a boyfriend in that way - all those ways - combined. I suppose that's why I don't think I've ever 'been in love' in the standard sense of the word. I've loved in all those ways, and I've loved in every possible two combinations of those ways, but I've never loved in all three at once.
     
    The affectionate sexual lust part isn't particularly difficult, but when it comes to mixing the other two I've always attempted to do it through romance first, friendship second. I always assumed that if you have a romance long enough, eventually the passion would go to the backburner enough so that a friendship would also form and remain - on top of the continuing romantic feelings. I thought that's what 'being in love' was all about. I still do really. I think that 'love at first sight' is nonsense. Lust at first sight is easy. Developing romance from lust is doable. Adding a layer of friendship to that fragile, heated mess seems more difficult, but possible. I always though that was the best route to 'getting the whole package'. However, I suppose it's very possible to do it any order. Maybe one can start with lust, resist - but yet maintain - the lust long enough to form a friendship, and THEN add in the romance. I've never pulled that off. I'll either start with the friendship and have it stop there or else I'll start with the lust, ignore the lust and form the friendship, but then find that the lust is completely gone. Alternatively I'll start with the lust, form a romance, but never bump it up to that top level.
     
    I suppose that's why I don't fall for straight friends - well apart from the fact that almost all my male friends are gay. There's really little danger of me falling for a straight friend though. Even if he's hot (and really I'm usually more attracted to gay guys to begin with) if I've had time to form an actual friendship with him it's a pretty good bet the lust is turned off by then.
     
    Anyway, I miss talking about sex with William. He's moved even further out of town and I rarely get to see him anymore I miss all aspects of our friendship, but I have to say that discussing sex is one I miss particularly strongly. I rarely discuss sex with my other male friends and when I do it's not all as juicy as the conversations I used to have with William. Still, I've got my lesbians and they're fun to discuss sex with (seriously).
     
    I think this may be the most sexual blog entry I've ever written. See what happens when I don't get to discuss this stuff with William?
  5. AFriendlyFace
    I've kinda not been around a great deal lately.
     
    I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about.
     
    Basically, as I indicated in my forum post a couple of weeks ago, I've just had other things on my plate. LOL, those of you that have been around a couple of years or longer are probably already well aware that periodically I tend to disappear for a couple of months (or perhaps a bit longer)...well it looks like now is that time again. It's amazing how much more I'm able to get done when I don't spend five or six hours a day chained to my computer.
     
    So, a little random update on personal affairs in case anyone was wondering. First off, I don't believe I mentioned this, but my very close, very dear friends Megan and Jesse moved back to Houston a few months ago. It's been awesome having them around again
     
    I've been having barrels of fun partying and going out with the majority of other random people I've mentioned in past entries. Indeed, my personal life has been quite drama free with one exception. My 'friendship' with Luke is pretty much over. He managed to alienate absolutely every one of his friends, and I was the only person left who still defended him...then he started spreading some very unpleasant rumours about me, which, unfortunately, I think he actually believed. Anyway, I just don't feel like I can trust him anymore, I don't particularly enjoy being around him anymore, and I can't be around him and anyone else at the same time anyway. So when you add all that to the rumours he spread about me (and then straight up lied to my face despite the fact that I already knew beyond a shadow of doubt), it's just not in the cards for us to spend time together right now. I wish him well, will continue to be pleasant to him if/when I see him, and will get on with my life.
     
    On another note: boys are crazy. Seriously, they've been driving me up the wall. Not the lovely, kind, fun gay bois whom I consider my extended family, but the wacky, flaky, paranoid ones I've been dating. Granted, I'd probably be crazy about these dudes as well if we were seeing each other platonically rather than romantically and in all honesty the delightful guys I'm such good friends with would probably drive me mad if I were dating them as well. So I suppose it's all fair, but in any case I'm sick of dating guys. Might be time to explore my bi-curious side (I'm only half-kidding )
     
    Work is going wonderfully. I absolutely love it. I haven't mentioned in much, or at all, but I work for a small company that does fashion design. I'm sure you can all see now why I've been enjoying it so much
     
    I've been having a lot of trouble with my computer recently. Between the hurricane (and the resulting loss of power/internet) and the fact that my computer only turns on about half the time anyway I've successfully broken my addiction to the internet. Little FYI, I myself didn't actually have to endure life without electricity. Following the storm I accepted an invitation from an old friend in Baton Rouge and spent the following week there until my power was restored (and my area was actually one of the first in the area to get back on its feet). Unfortunately, the cable company here SUCKS and while the rest of my utilities were restored my internet was delayed...then disappeared again for a week. Apart from that though my experiences weren't especially harrowing.
     
    As far as writing goes, I'm not planning to stop...I am planning to stop posting for awhile though (sorry ). I do MUCH better when I have everything written out before I start posting it. Also, truth be told, I enjoy writing short stories much more than on-going serials, so expect more of those. WAS will be finished though, and undoubtedly one of several other serials I have in mind will be begun, but they won't be posted till they're done.
     
    That being said, while I won't be especially active here for the near future, I plan to lurk and pop in once or twice a week. I'll continue reading a few stories around here, possibly blog now and then, and maybe even stick my nose into a discussion once in awhile. I'll also respond to PMs...but perhaps not quickly (sorry again ). I also intend to participate in the anthologies.
     
    Anyway, take care all
     

     
    Kevin
  6. AFriendlyFace
    Warning: self-pitying, whiny post ahead
     
     
    So it's almost my birthday and I've been trying to forget it...isn't easy though, I told one friend months ago when it was during a time when I wasn't stressed out about it and damn if they don't all know now!
     
    I keep getting that, "So what are we doing for your birthday?" question.
     
    Don't get me wrong; I appreciate the sentiment, but I'll be honest, here's what I want to do on my birthday: I want people to send me a nice text, or a brief, casual phone call telling me that they care about me and that they're thinking about me. "Happy Birthday" is okay if you absolutely must. "Happy ___ Birthday" is most definitely not okay. If you don't know how old I am...well I don't particularly want you asking in the first place, but if you have the extreme poor taste and insensitivity to ask me on my birthday (when it's already fairly well-established and well-known that I'm not happy about getting older) then you deserve to be bitch slapped, but I'm a non-violent person so I'll probably settle for giving you an icy glare and coldly responding that it's none of your damn business.
     
    In general I do not want to act like I'm happy about getting older and I do not want to be reminded of my age. I do want a little extra positive attention and affection though (so shoot me, I'm human), just do it without bringing age into the equation.
     
    I don't want saccharine words of encouragement about how 'we all have to get older' or 'it beats the alternative' or 'you're just getting better'. You can give me a little sympathy if you like. You can flatter the hell out of me. But don't try to make me get over it. If you want to help me deal with my issues about aging wait 4-8 months when it won't be quite as touchy a subject.
     
    So why do I, someone still clinging to his early twenties, have so much of a problem with aging? Always have actually. It wasn't always 'getting older' related, but I was never really comfortable with the whole concept of age. I never enjoyed telling people my age. I've always found it rude to ask, even when I was a kid.
     
    I do buy into that 'you're only as old as you feel' crap. I really do, so let me feel like I'm 19 damnit and quit reminding me that I'm not!
     
    Anyway, back to why getting older sucks. Basically, every single birthday is a reminder of all of my failures and shortcomings. Another year has ticked away and I still haven't done, or made progress toward, X, Y, and Z. Another year has come and gone and I'm still dealing with A, B, and C. I guess it's sort of like New Year's resolutions for other people. I have all these plans for my life that I really want to achieve. But I'm not a dumbass; I know when I'm not making any progress. Nevertheless, more often than not I'm perfectly content 'in the moment'. Don't get me wrong; I love my life and I'm a very happy person. But birthdays are when I can't help but to seriously look at my life and notice what I didn't accomplish or still haven't fixed. Frankly, I'm not like that at all around the holidays. Honestly the holidays are mostly meaningless to me. I try to take them for their general purpose of good will to all men and counting your blessings and what not. I enjoy the time off, the parties, the time with friends and family...but I really don't measure my life by them. I don't see New Year's as a new year. THAT is my birthday, which makes more sense to me and is a lot more accurate and concrete than some silly day someone randomly picked to start the new calendar.
     
    I even get that crappy, "Oh look, I'm alone for my birthday" thing that other people get for Christmas and whatnot. It's like, "well, I'm another year older and still haven't found anyone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with." But again I'm not going to delude myself; I'm not going to date some random person just for the sake of not being alone...that would make me feel more pathetic. I could have easily gone back with one my ex's in the last couple of weeks, but it was wrong then and it's wrong now.
     
    Then of course it's just the getting older thing literally. It's like, "well, I'm not as (physically) strong as I used to be" (I'm really not ). "I don't have as much energy" (well I do but it requires more sleep and I need much more downtime now). "I'm just not as attractive as I used to be" (maybe if I fix myself up and compare myself to an only average day from the past). "I don't learn as quickly" (I don't have strong evidence for this but I'm suspicious). It just goes on and on. I worry about my declining health, my dwindling opportunities, my wasted time, everything! And it's not like I think it's really that bad. It's not like I think I can't 'do something about it' or still have it really good.
     
    The thing that just pisses me off and makes me sad is that while I can still be in excellent health it won't be easy as when I was a teen. I can still look young and hot, but I want to get carded damnit! ROUTINELY. I can still learn most of the skills and knowledge I want to learn, but I worry that the older I get the harder it'll be to gain the same level of fluency and proficiency that I would have had in my childhood. Basically what it comes down to isn't thinking that it's all that bad...just that it'll be harder to make it as good. The most depressing thought is that I feel like each year marks another notch. Every year from now on I'm just going to have to keep working harder for what I want than if I had gotten it already (or at least made a good start). That's why I take stock of what I haven't done and what I haven't fixed. That's why I'm mad at myself when I realize I've blown still more time and opportunities and if I can get it, it'll be more difficult.
     
    I just pisses me off!
     
     
    Anyone ever see that episode of QAF when Brian was freaked out about turning 30 and he was like messing around with erotic asphyxiation and Michael caught him and gave him that pep talk and he was like:
     
    "You'll always be young and you'll always be beautiful"
     
    Well that's lovely, but it's still a boldfaced lie. Oh he can do that 'young at heart' thing, or 'look good for his age', but anyone who's ever seen the show knows that Brian wanted to be young in the literal, chronological logical sense and look hot for any age. Let's face it, he's going to get older (or die) and so will I. I can accept it. I will accept it. But I don't have to like it.
  7. AFriendlyFace

    AFriendlyPlace

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Hi everyone!
     
    I'm majorly excited about having my own forum now! It's called AFriendlyPlace, I really hope you guys will check it out and say hi!
     
    I'm hoping to make it a fun, friendly place where people can go to have a good time and chat about my stories plus whatever they want. I'm also got a few ideas for some story related game threads that I hope people will enjoy
     
    On another note, Worth A Shot should begin posting fairly soon.
     
    Also, I'm extremely excited about my Fall Anthology entry. It's definitely the short story I'm most proud of to date
     
    Lastly, I have an idea for a very short parody piece that might fun.
     
    Anyway, I hope you guys will check it out!
     
    Take care and have an awesome day everyone
    -Kevin
  8. AFriendlyFace
    Are you tan?
    Goodness no! I'm naturally a very fair-skinned person and I'm obsessive about skin care/health. Tanning is a really bad thing for someone like me to do to their skin.
     
    I occasionally use moisturizer with a subtle tanner in it, and I think I have a decent 'glow/colour' thing going on (I'm in good health), so I don't have the pale goth look either.
     
    Do you use proactive?
    Nope, like I said, I take good care of my skin and I'm lucky to have nice skin anyway.
    Do you own chanel perfume?
    I'm a boy, so no.
    Do you shower daily?
    Unless I bathe instead, and even then I usually conclude the bath with a shower.
     
    Do you go to the tanning bed?
    Wouldn't be found dead in one
     
    (I don't mean to sound judgmental though. I personally don't advise tanning beds, but I'm all for people doing what they want, and I definitely wouldn't criticise someone for going to one)
     
    Do you wear nail polish?
    I've worn nail polish. Either black (once) when I was having fun with a punky emo look, or on a few occasions a discrete clear after a manicure. It's definitely not something I do on a regular basis though...although unfortunately manicures aren't something I do on a regular basis anymore, and if they were I'd probably get the clear nail polish every once in awhile. In any case, unless I'm going for that extreme freaky look, I don't want people to say 'oh look he's wearing nail polish', just 'oh look what nice nails' which may be aided by nail polish.
     
    Do you use MAC make-up?
    Nope, I do use a little Cover Girl foundation every once in awhile (about once a week, maybe twice) when I'm going out, but again the point isn't for people to notice that I'm wearing make-up, just to think how nice I look, which again might be aided by a discrete amount of make-up.
     
    Bottom line: IF I'm wearing make-up or clear nail polish and you can tell then it's too much.
     
    Do you straighten your hair everyday?
    Used to, don't anymore. It's too much of a hassle and I'm generally letting my hair take a break from dying and straightening right now....instead I just use crazy intense conditioner and like 4 or 5 products to try to get the straight look without the iron
     
     
    FRIENDS
     
    Name all your best friends:
    Errr, that's nosy. I'll just name my real-world best friends and no internet friends, not because I don't value the internet friends a great deal, but because if I name any it'll feel like a stupid popularity contest or something.
     
    So: Scott, William, Jesse, Megan, Rocky, Steven, John, Claire, and Amanda are my closest friends. Also Luke, but Scott, John, William and I are all having some rough times with him just now. I hope/think/assume we'll get over it though.
     
    Is the term Best Friends a label or promise?
    Gonna steal Viv's answer: I think it's a relationship and a commitment. I try not to label anything...
     
    Do you have more than 1 TRUE best friend?
    Yes
     
    Do you hang out with your friends every day?
    NO, I'm an extremely social person, but I'm also an extremely solitary person. It's sorta two polar opposites that both need representation for me to be happy and balanced. So at least some days I need to be alone and have some space.
     
    What is the longest you have been in a fight with your bff?
    My 'bff'? LOL, I would never use that term! I also don't tend to get in outright 'fights' with my friends, neither physical nor even serious verbal ones in which we actually separate angry at each other.
     
    As I said I'm going through some complicated, difficult times with Luke, but even that isn't really an open disagreement, just a tense undercurrent.
     
    The last time I remember having an actual "I'm angry with you and I don't want to be around you" kind of fight was with Claire our senior year of high school...then we got all emotional and we hugged and made up in a Waffle House.
     
    Is it easier to talk to your girl friends or guy friends?
    Uhh, gay guys or lesbians are the easiest. I like the extra 'comfort' of lesbians, but I also like the extra slight playful layer that comes with gay guys. Would be hard to pick between the two.
     
    I'm usually pretty comfortable around straight girls too, but not to quite the same extent in most cases.
     
    Straight guys are just unfathomable to me in most cases We usually get along ok, but they're generally not people I form meaningful relationships with.
     
    In any case this all just a general description but it totally depends on the person and situation. I could easily be much closer and more comfortable around particular straight guys and totally ill at ease around particular gays/lesbians/straight girls. So you never know.
     
    Would you ever date one of your close guy friends?
    Unlikely...I care about them too much to date or mess around with
     
    FASHION/STYLE
     
    Do you have style and originality?
    It's kinda one of the things I'm known for.
     
    Do you own a designer handbag?
    Of course not!
     
    If I were a girl then of course I would, but as a guy I would never carry a purse/handbag.
     
    Do you own something from Lacoste?
    I've used and liked their cologne, don't have any right now though.
     
    Do or did you wear leggings?
    God no!
     
    Is the color you'll never wear yellow?
    Nope, I like yellow...haha, just realized I'm wearing it now actually. My favourite colours to wear are Blue, Red, and Green
     
    The colour I would never wear is pink, because I think it's a hideous colour in general. I'm unlikely to wear orange because it's not a very good colour on me.
     
    Do you get fashion tips from magazines?
    Occasionally
    Do you shop at Abercrombie and Hollister?
    Yes...but I'm really not a clone, I prefer boutiques or more off the wall styles usually. If I'm being lazy and don't feel like putting together an original outfit I might just throw on some from those two or other popular chains (American Eagle, Express, etc.). I do like the clothes they have, and I like wearing them, but as I said I often like to look a bit more different or unique.
     
    Do you wear sweats a lot?
    Only if you consider 'never' alot
     
    TV/MOVIE
     
    Are you a movie freak?
    Not really. I'm a fairly average movie enthusiast.
     
    Have you seen over 10 movies in the past month?
    I don't think so; I've been way too busy. I wouldn't object to seeing over 10 movies in a month if I had the time.
     
     
    Do you have a show that you must watch?
    I don't watch TV
    Do you watch The Hills on MTV?
    I don't watch TV
    Have you ever seen an episode of Grey's Anatomy?
    I don't watch TV
    What is your favorite G Rated movie?
    Dunno
     
    Do you like classic movies?
    Some
    Do you watch 30 or more hours of tv a week?
    I don't watch TV
     
    Do you own over 100 dvds?
    No
     
    Is Law And Order awesome?
    I may have said this...I don't watch TV
     
    SPORTS
    Do you watch baseball on tv?
    You're really not paying attention are you?
     
    Who's your favorite baseball player?
    Chipper Jones
     
    Do you play basketball?
    Ohh, fun stuff! Haven't in far too long.
     
    Do you watch it on tv?
    Not going to bother answering this one.
     
    Do you swim?
    Sometimes when I'm alone
     
    LOL, that sounds weird. Um, I don't like to swim in the first place because it usually requires scant amount of clothing and heavy amounts of sun exposure. As I said, I tend to avoid sun exposure. If I'm going to be in the sun I prefer wearing lots of clothes. I save my scantily clad times for indoor activities
     
    That said, I like playing in the water, so sometimes I do it at night or in indoor pools. BUT I can't actually swim and I'm a tad self-conscious about that fact, so I only do it if I'm not around people I know, and ideally if I'm completely alone (which sounds dangerous, but I don't put myself into situations in which I might drown).
    Last time you were in a pool?
    Uhh, maybe two months ago one night (when I was alone).
     
    Are you good at volleyball?
    Yes, actually I am
     
    I love it!
     
    Is soccer cool?
    Totally the coolest!! It's absolutely my favourite sport! God, I want to play again! EUGHH, it sucks that all my friends are non-athletic gay boys (or non-athletic lesbians/straight girls....ohhh, is this why people like straight guys? )
    Do you like to run?
    If I'm playing a game or in a hurry or something. Sometimes I do jog even when I'm not in a hurry because I tend to have a lot of energy and even when not in a hurry I like to get where I'm going a bit more quickly
     
    But no, I don't purposely make it a point to run for its own sake in most cases.
     
    Are you in shape?
    Yes
     
    Favorite sports team?
    The Yankees
     
    Last sporting event you attended?
    Last month myself and several friends went for a walk in the park and we watched a baseball for awhile that happened to be going on.
    MUSIC
    Do you like all types of music?
    I like most types of music
     
    What about rap?
    I like poppy rap with clever lyrics.
    Have you been to more than 5 concerts?
    Oh goodness yes!!!
     
    Do you like Panic at the Disco?
    Love 'em
     
    Are you constantly downloading music?
    I'm not in a constant state of downloading music, and actually lately I tend to just buy the CD or watch the vid on youtube, but yeah I do download music.
     
    Favorite Rock band?
    Hmm, gonna go with Three Days Grace, but it's a toss up between them and a whole heap of other rock bands.
     
    Favorite local band?
    Blue October. They started in Houston
     
    What is the current song on your myspace page?
    Given the non-existence of my myspace (or facebook) page it rather precludes having a song doesn't it?
     
    FAMILY
    Do you have more than 1 sibling?
    Full siblings no, but I do have two much younger half sisters that I wouldn't recognize if I saw.
     
    Are you closer to your mom or dad?
    Very close with mom. Fairly polite, almost non-existent relationship with dad.
     
    Do you like your living arangements?
    I love my living arrangements. I live on my own, which is great for the whole me liking my space thing, and I really like my place and my location
     
    Do you wish you could move?
    Yes, and I will. LOL, might sound weird given my above answers, but there are so many places I want to live that I don't want to hang around here too long.
     
    Do your grandparents spoil you?
    Totally! I'm pretty tight with them too
    Do you have any step parents or siblings?
    Uh huh, a step-mom I've met in person about three times, and those two half sisters.
     
    How many cousins do you have?
    2
     
    Which of your relatives lives the farthest away, and where?
    My dad et al, and that would be Virginia.
     
     
     
    So that's it. Additionally, I have a question to include.
     
    When it's your birthday and you blow out the candles... do you actually make a wish?
     
    I do, but since not aging is impossible it doesn't come true
  9. AFriendlyFace
    Hi everyone,
     
    I was going to respond to Steph's comment in the last blog, but I was planning to post a quick blog about BMAD anyway, so I decided to just do it in this entry:
     
    LOL, thanks, Steph
     
    BMAD definitely has some aspects that are taken from my real life. For example it takes place in Houston and with the exception of Bender's and Frank's all the other clubs, restaurants, parks, etc. that I mention are actual places in Houston that my friends and I periodically frequent. (It feels weird to say that online since it almost invites stalking, but we don't go that often and I find it unlikely anyone would recognize me).
     
    Bender's is a made up combination of the two gay dance clubs that I go to most often (and no way could someone pick me out of a crowd of gay boys like that ). They're actually located near each other in real life and set in essentially the same location that Bender's is in the story. The reason I created Bender's instead of using one of the two real life clubs is because...well there's no real 'Mick' and 'Jake' (thought there are certainly strippers and bar tenders ) and I also took a bit of creative license with the way the clubs are set up.
     
    Frank's is pretty much more of the same. There are two diners that are extremely popular with the club crowd after a night out. Frank's is a blended version of those two. 'Boots' is actually based on a real waitress at one of these two venues.
     
    The main characters themselves aren't directly based on anyone I know and are pretty much created out of my imagination. They all have aspects of various people I know though, or simply 'types' of people I'm familiar with. Cosmo, Aaron, and Ben are the most 'reality based' characters. Cosmo's inspiration comes from a friend I have - also positive - who meets the general physical look and personality. The story version of Cosmo drinks more, has more money, and is a bit of a sweeter, less selfish person. Incidentally this friend isn't someone I'm that close with so he isn't someone I've ever mentioned in my blogs. Cosmo's drink comes from my own proclivities. I don't always drink Cosmos when I go out, but I very often do.
     
    In many ways I envision Aaron and Ben as 'split' versions of myself. As the narrator Aaron has a few noticeable traits that are similar to mine. He's a sociology major/psyc minor. I got my degree in both as a double major. Mick's interest in philosophy comes from my own fascination in it (I briefly considered minoring in it). Ronnie is one of my favourite characters and it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that his predilection for fashion is taken from own.
     
    I see myself as sort of a 'Ben' in terms of 'gay personality'. I'm not quite as 'femme' as Daisy, Cosmo, or Ronnie, but not quite as 'butch' as Giorgio, Jake, Mick or even Aaron (well maybe Aaron).
     
    Mick, Jake, and Amanda are more or less completely fictitious although I've certainly known a few people like them who would sort of fit their M.O. I briefly had a friend who was somewhat like Amanda who had a "Ronnie" (with whom I briefly had a semi-fling with actually ).
     
    However, to answer the actual question about dialogue: nope, up until now I've never directly used dialogue from real life. I guess I might in the future, but it would sort of feel like 'cheating'
     
     
    Anyway, what I mostly wanted to mention with this blog is that I've restored all the chapters to eFiction and I've also posted Reflections Over Coffee. Reflections was actually supposed to be posted after chapter 6 and before chapter 7 and actually takes place immediately before the events in chapter 7 started (you can think of it anywhere from a few hours to a few minutes before, but in any case it took place the morning of the same day).
     
    Because it was saved at the bottom of my folder ('R' coming behind all the 'ch...''s) and because it's easy to assume that chapter 7 would come immediately after chapter 6, I forgot to post it. I also suspect this is related to the fact that I was dealing with the whole eFiction story deletion and was busy that week in general. Nevertheless, I do apologize for the mistake and I hope you guys enjoy it anyway.
     
    On a side note, I've also posted If No One Notices - My summer anthology entry - to eFiction. If you haven't read it yet, please do and let me know what you think
     
    LOL, while I'm spitting out information about my stories I'll also add that my Anniversaries anthology entry is completely finished, has been edited twice by Sharon, and is now off to Tim for beta-ing. Once I review his comments and suggestions I'll be sending it off. Incidentally, this is the piece I had originally meant to submit as my summer anthology (If No One Notices was just a random short story that Sharon informed me fit the theme). I had misread the topic for the summer anthology and I don't think it would have worked there. I think it works pretty well here though. Ironically I have another story that I'd originally meant to use as the Anniversaries entry, but I didn't feel as inspired to work on it as the one I'm submitting, and I'd also done a lot more work on the one I'm submitting. Eventually I hope to get out this last piece as well though.
     
    Finally, I have a special short story planned for release immediately after the last chapter of BMAD. It's actually something I wrote a very long time ago (while I was first working on Indefensible), but like much of my work I never felt inclined to release it. I think it really fits after the last chapter of BMAD though and considering how long it's been since I wrote it, now that I've actually decided to release it I'm anxious to see how it's received!
     
    LOL, if you followed all of that I'm proud of you!
     
    Take care everyone and have a great day
  10. AFriendlyFace
    I stayed up till 5am chatting with my best friend (Scott) last night/today. I was really nice, we hadn't had a chance to hang out just the two of us and really talk for several weeks.
     
    FF ('former friend' from previous entires) seems to be interested in reconciling. Things have been warm and pleasant between us of late. Nevertheless, while I'll continue to be nice to him, and even welcome his presence among our mutual friends and shared activities, I don't think I have any interest in returning to a close friendship with him anytime soon.
     
    Andrew (ex-boyfriend) is behaving as oddly as ever. Since we first broke up he's been breathing hot and cold, trying to get back together then ignoring me, then randomly calling/texting me...then ignoring me again. I really don't care. I mean I do care, about him that is, but I really don't care about the situation. I wish him well, but I'm not interested in getting back with him, or even with having a close friendship with him, so my approach has just been to be nice and friendly when he contacts me, then forget about it until he randomly decides to contact me again. I don't even particularly care much because I know how complicated his life is right now. So whatever, I'm willing to be there for him sporadically when he decides he needs it.
     
    My gurl Amanda is going through a rough patch with her girlfriend. They'll probably break up this time, which is weird given how much they've been through and NOT broken up. It sucks because it's her birthday soon. She mentioned that all she really wanted was for 'girlfriend' to send her flowers at work and spend the day with her. Unfortunately I won't be able to spend the day with her, but I've decided I'll send her flowers at work. I know it's not the same thing, but I really think it'll make her happy anyway.
     
    I got to hang with John yesterday (he and Scott and I were hanging out then he went home and Scott and I kept chatting for several hours). It was awesome; I've really missed that guy. I've always thought we were sort of kindred spirits. Which is why I didn't mind that he'd essentially disappeared and spontaneously decided to go to Canada, Mexico, and the East Coast. I didn't mind because I think one of the things we share in common is a free-spirited, spontaneous attitude, as well as a love for traveling. So he can disappear and leave the country if he wants to...I'd do it occasionally myself if I could get away with it, but I'd piss everyone off, lose my job, and fail my class...so it's not really a good option.
     
    My boy William has a new boyfriend (big surprise ), and he's doing pretty well. He's working on getting his real estate license. I've really missed him as well. He now lives in a suburb of Houston that's a fair drive away from where we all usually hang out. So I was delighted when we ran into him and the new bf at the pride parade last weekend.
     
    Pride parade/last weekend
     
    Speaking of the pride parade it was an interesting evening to say the least. I ended up marching with a big sign that said, "Being Gay Is The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me" and then the gay symbol with the two interlocking 'boy circles' (you know the one). Had a delightful time!
     
    Things got odd from there though. Scott and I were going to go out with our friends R and S. So we met up with them then I got a call from my friend Paul. Paul wanted to meet up with us all so we met him. Anyway, at one point R, S, their friend Frank, and Scott were all out on the balcony chatting and I was in the kitchen with Paul. Now Paul was very drunk...and horny. He tried to hook up with me. I wasn't interested (sorta all goes back to that no sex or dating friends thing)...then he DID suggest a relationship. I'm not sure if he just thought he'd have better luck that way or what, but again I reiterated that I didn't think it would be a good idea. He seemed okay with it (he was really drunk after all).
     
    Next we were all going to go out, but Scott couldn't get into the club because his I.D. had expired, so we parted with R, S, Frank, and Paul and I took him home. When we got home Luke informed us that one of Scott's tires was flat. Turned out it was VERY flat. Now if anyone thinks Scott is going to change his own tire then you've clearly not met Scott (well I don't actually expect that any of you have met Scott anyway). The average 8th grader is literally larger than he is. He's also wholly inexperienced with such matters. Thus the tire changing fell on my shoulders.
     
    After finishing that up and briefly going in to clean up I discovered that my boys had been neglecting their dishes and countertops in my protracted absence (I've been busy). A dirty kitchen just irritates me and I knew that they weren't going to be doing much about it anytime soon so I cleaned up for them. By the time I was done Scott had received a phone call from his mom, which was weird given that it was after midnight by this point. Naturally I was concerned so I didn't want to go home until I found out what was wrong.
     
    In the meantime Luke persuaded me to help him back for his week-long trip to Canada. The guy has major dependency issues. I don't know if he was feigning incompetence to get me to help him (I honestly really hope he was), but he'd originally planned to take all of two shirts, and NO SOCKS with him on this week-long excursion. Our conversation went something like this:
     
    "Do you think I'll need socks?" he inquired.
     
    "Yes," I responded.
     
    "Really?" he pressed, evidently in disbelief.
     
    "Well how long did you say you'd gone?" I asked for confirmation.
     
    "A week," he answered.
     
    "Then yeah, you're gonna need socks," I stated.
     
    "But I have underwear," he pointed out, thinking that apparently this compensated for the lack of socks.
     
    "Yes, but that doesn't really change the fact that you'll need the socks," I re-emphasized as I folded the extra shirts I'd insisted that he bring then refolded the two bunched up one he'd originally packed on his own.
     
    "But they're all dirty," he said sadly.
     
    "Well you should have done laundry," I pointed out exasperated.
     
    "I did...that's why I have the underwear"
     

  11. AFriendlyFace
    ...this blog entry I'll just get bored and post a new one. However, I very much hope that someone notices my Anthology entry. It's the first time I've actually finished one AND decided to turn it in, quite an accomplishment let me tell you
     
    In other news, I had an all around productive day writingwise. I bashed a chapter of the BMAD sequel and also my entry for the "Anniversaries" anthology (why not do two in a row right?)
     
    On that score though, and I'll be very busy the next few days, so I probably won't be around much.
     
    Take care all
  12. AFriendlyFace
    So I've had a great many very interesting experiences in the last few months that I haven't recounted in my blog due to lack of free-time and/or poor motivation. Tonight I felt like writing up a quick blog, so I've decided to share one particularly harrowing event which occurred about a month ago.
     
     
    It was a typical enough day. I was sitting in class (as teacher not student, unlike any current 'I was sitting in class' stories) and I decided that since I had so much to do it would be good to make a list. So I come up with a very long list of chores for myself...then they announce that I won't be getting an off period because they're short-handed
     
    Naturally, I was seriously ticked off, especially since I'd just spent all that time coming up with the list! Well on my scheduled off period I show up in the office to find out where I'm supposed to go and lo and behold they don't need me after all! What good news I thought.
     
    So I dash home, have a very fast lunch and get to work on all the things I need to do. lots of cleaning, put away some laundry, took out all my trash, changed Lucky's litter, refilled her food and water, general tidying up. Well at last it's time to go and I realize there's only one more thing to do: I need to clean my toilets and drop in those little bleach tablets.
     
    Well the first toilet upstairs goes off without a hitch. So I come down, carrying my toilet brush and toilet tablet and clean the second one. So far so good. Then I decide it's time to drop the tablet in...that's where everything went awry. As I picked up the lid to the tank, while attempting to hang on to the toilet brush and bleach tablet, it slipped out of my hand! Unfortunately I went right into the toilet tank on it's end. In other words instead of horizontal, which would have made it rest on the top of the tank, it turned vertical and went into the tank, slamming into the bottom of it...and SHATTERING it completely.
     
    So water gushed everywhere and my toilet was essentially destroyed BUT the problems don't end there. The actual water filling mechanism is undamaged (unfortunately), which means that it's still attempting to fill up a now destroyed tank. So I quickly grab the little floaty thing (I know EWWW right, but I'm already doused in toilet water anyway ) and hold it up to keep more water from further flooding the place. So of course I realize that I need to turn the water off to the toilet (I'm not a total idiot and I actually know my way around plumbing pretty well) and I even remembered that there's always a handy little valve that goes to toilets and sinks so that you can turn the water off and work on them. Unfortunately my little valve wasn't so handy. In fact my little handy was unable to turn the little valvey. It had evidently rusted into place after years of presumable disuse.
     
    So I'm standing there in toilet water, contorting myself into all sorts of weird positions as I try to hold the floaty thing with one hand and yank on the valve with the other. I grabbed a towel, the reaching of which was no easy feat, and attempted to use that to get a better grip on the valve...no luck. I contorted myself still further so that I could hold onto the floaty with my left hand and use my right on the valve, hoping that I was stronger in my right hand...I'm evidently not.
     
    At last I had the bright idea of rigging up a way to prop the toilet brush against the remains of the toilet and the floaty thing and hold it up that way, thus freeing me from my plumbing prison. I quickly ran upstairs and grabbed a wrench and made quick work of the accursed valve :mace:
     
    Then I used what few dirty towels I had (just did laundry remember), plus a few previously clean ones, to clean up my soaked floor. Then I added 'laundry' back onto my to do list, cleaned myself up, called maintenance to replace the tank (I'm actually pretty sure I could have picked one up at Home Depot and done it myself, but I wasn't particularly inclined to undertake that little endeavor) and somehow STILL miraculously managed to arrive back to work before my break was over.
     
    Oh yeah, and I honestly managed to avoid saying any bad words or getting angry/frustrated during that whole little battle. I think it must have been the adrenaline or something.
  13. AFriendlyFace
    ...For making Cosmos trendy! I've never even seen a single episode of the show, and I've been drinking that drink for years. Now this movie comes along and suddenly I look like every other gay boi in Houston when I order one!
     
    William was even drinking them the other night! That's not his drink! He's supposed to drink red bull and vodka! (mind you, given what a dangerous combo that is for one's heart I'm glad he did switch in that respect)
     
    This simply will not do! Until further notice I'm on pomegranate martinis!
     
    **takes a sip defiantly**
     
    I may even have Dave switch in BMAD! What do you think, guys? Could Aaron pull off calling him 'PomPom" instead?
  14. AFriendlyFace
    Just a bit worn out and kinda stressed.
     
    I feel like I've been really ignoring all my friends and family for the past week or so. Haven't intentionally meant to, but the busier I get the more I just want to be by myself when I'm not busy. So basically it comes down to less time in general AND less desire to be with people. Anyway, as a result I feel like I have some serious catching up to do with people.
     
    Speaking of which I'm meeting Ryan for lunch today. Now is such a phenomenally bad time to be seeing anyone. I feel like I'm totally just stringing him along.
     
    I hate being busy. I mean I really do. Some people are always complaining about being bored. I'm never bored. I can't remember the last time I was bored when I wasn't stuck some where I didn't want to be. I mean of course I've been bored in traffic, or at work or something, but never on my own. Point is my 'ideal time' is always extremely enjoyable to me, and I hate it when all my time is planned out.
     
    Anyway, I'm going to take a brief nap, looks like today's going to be another busy one.
     
    Take care all,
    Kevin
  15. AFriendlyFace
    Hey everyone!
     
    For everyone who saw my last blog entry and is wondering where it went, I set it as a draft (invisible). It was basically just me bitching about a friend of mine (no one at GA) who kinda wore me out and ticked me off. I did mean what I said, but I mostly just needed to vent and just writing it out made me feel better, so I decided not to leave it up just in case he, or a different mutual friend who knows him or something, ever happened across it somehow. I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings or anything, and as I said, I feel better now
     
    Mods and Admin can still see the entry, and that's fine I don't care. like I said I just decided I didn't want it out there for the whole world.
     
    Anyway, a few paragraphs of the blog were fairly informative and not ranty so here's a recap of those:
     


    In other news, my date with Ryan went wonderfully. Between our packed schedules the next time we'd get a chance to hang out is late Tuesday night, so *shrug* maybe we will. Dunno yet, but the date was alota fun. I actually can't really figure out how I feel about him. I've decided the best course of action is simply to keep an open mind and go out with him again. Regardless, it was fun so it's not like I'd have any regrets even if it didn't work out.
     
    Also, FF (former friend if you'll remember) has been acting really weird. By weird I mean really nice and friendly and interested in what's going on in my life. Of course I've been acting weird too...basically doing the exact same thing. I'm going to chalk it up to us being two nice people (I never said he wasn't) who still care about each other. It was weird though, I was asking Scott about his job interview, and he was asking Luke about my date, and then when we saw each other we actually asked in person, and seemed legitimately happy for the other. So yeah. LOL, he also got a very subtle joke I made that no one else picked up on, but then he was always good at that too. Anyway, as I've said many times I don't want to be close with him again, at least not any time in the foreseeable future, but I guess I like where our relationship has evolved to now.
     
    Scott and I are going with William and a friend of his to the beach tomorrow. That'll be really nice. I really love hanging out with William and just haven't been able to spend as much time with him recently. The good thing about William is that everything is so delightfully simple. He's very drama free. It just rolls right off his shoulders, he doesn't go out of his way to take stuff personally or to get upset for nothing, and he very quickly gets over anything. I just don't have to wonder with William. He likes me. I like him. We're friends. That's enough, we just behave accordingly and everything's cool. No crazy, unreasonable expectations, or insecurities, or jealousy, or anything else. Just friendship. It's great; he's definitely my simplest friend. If/when I do have a serious boyfriend I'd very VERY much like to model my relationship with him after what William and I have going.
     
    Anyway, to go into a bit more detail about Ryan, we met up at the Mall, chatted and walked around for awhile, then we had dinner, caught a movie, played some pool, and then hung out at my place for awhile. It was nice, I had a really fund time, and it felt almost like the 'classic' date.
     
    As I said, I still don't really know how I feel about him or what I want, which is why, like I said, I'm just going to go out with him a few more times and see what happens.
     
    It's so cute, he's so 'straight'. Not really obviously, but he only came out a year ago (he's my age for the record), and he doesn't have any gay friends, so he's still sorta like a straight guy, lol. Doesn't kiss like one though
     
    Anyway, I know alota gays guys like 'straight acting' guys, but really that's not my thing. I'm not saying it's a huge turn-off or anything, indeed I'm pretty neutral about for the most part, but yeah it's definitely not something I look for at all. I do feel a bit like we're from two very different worlds, not just the gay/straight thing (well he is gay!), but alota other things too. Still, it might be fun. I like to go to new worlds anyway
  16. AFriendlyFace
    So I've finally released the first chapter of my new story, Buy Me a Drink. The first chapter is entitled, Hot Mess. Please, please, PLEASE read it and let me know what you think. I was a bit nervous about starting to post it so I'll be happy with all the feedback I can get (good, bad, or indifferent). Here's a link to the discussion thread.
     
    A little bit about the story: Bmad is a stand alone story but it's also the first part of what I intend to be a two part story. Indeed it's much shorter than the sequel will be. It's also completely done, and almost entirely edited (thanks Sharon!), and fairly far along with beta reading as well (Thanks Tim!). Thus, failing any natural, or unnatural, disaster it will be released on a weekly basis (or sooner) until it's completely posted.
     
    I'm expecting there to be a sequel, and there likely will be as long as I feel inspired to work on it (hint: I'll feel more inspired if people seem to actually be reading it ).
     
    Drop by the discussion thread and let's discuss it!
     
     
    I also submitted my Summer anthology entry tonight! I've started almost every anthology we've had for the last couple of years, but I've seldom managed to finish AND feel satisfied enough with the results to bother getting it edited and submitted. Indeed I probably wouldn't have submitted this one either if Sharon hadn't encouraged me to (thanks again, Sharon!). Don't blame her though if you guys hate it
     
    I also have a couple of other complete, or nearly complete, short stories that I intend to release over the next couple weeks, and inspiration for at least 4 new serials. HOWEVER, before I get to the new serials I'll hopefully be writing BMAD's sequel AND finishing up Indefensible.
     
    On that note I'd like to once again apologize to everyone who started reading it and has been disappointed by the long LONG delay. It's actually still the project that's closest to my heart and the only reason I never continued it was because I didn't feel like I could give it the focus, attention, and inspiration that it deserves. Rest assured that before I start re-releasing it I'll have lots of chapters in place and be very sure that I'm able to finish it within a reasonable span of time.
     
    This summer is going to be (and already is :wacko: ) crazy, busy, but I'm hoping to still squeeze in a bit of writing here and there, and fortunately since BMAD is complete it shouldn't impact that at all.
     
    I'm sure it seems to everyone that this writing kick is out of the blue, but really I've been continuing to write off and on all along and just haven't felt inspired enough to complete and post anything. LOL, three years ago I came here to be a writer and I'm going to be damn it!
     
     
    Anyway, like I said, please let me know what you guys think!
     
    BTW, I have a date tomorrow/tonight, his name is Ryan, wish me luck
  17. AFriendlyFace
    Blah, so for some silly reason I thought it'd be fun, or therapeutic, or interesting, or...something to write a blog entry in that style. Probably because I have a lot on my mind, I'm tired, and my thoughts aren't well organized. Anyway:
     
    Good:
    I up staying in town this weekend and did catch up on my rest.
     
    Bad:
    Major, expensive car trouble.
     
    Random:
    It sorta sounds like I'm driving a racecar now...I like it.
     
     
    Good:
    I thought on it awhile and decided to take the plunge. Sunday I 'officially' became a member of my church. It was really wonderful! Everyone was so positive and friendly, and it's a really cool church. I was joining with my two best friends and I guess I was standing too closely to one of them, because one of the ministers asked, "Are you joining together?" As in, like a couple, like several of the straight couples. LOL, the answer was no, but I got a kick out of it.
     
    Bad: (well sorta)
    After joining I promptly made several commitments to my young adults/discussion group. Nothing too major, but I'm taking on more responsibilities...don't know what I was thinking considering I already have no time to begin with.
     
    Random:
    I think I suck at being a part of the background, regardless of what group, organization, gathering, party, whatever I'm at. I think it's some sort of weird social pressure I feel. If things get uncomfortable, people get bored, or something needs to be done, and no one else says or does anything I feel compelled to hurl myself into the mix and take care of the matter.
     
     
    Good:
    I have a date Friday
     
    Bad:
    Just when I thought things were quieting down with my friends Luke had a MAJOR emotional breakdown, and now we're all afraid to leave him alone
     
    Random:
    Why does everything happen while I'm asleep and then get reported to me in a load of vague but foreboding text messages?
     
     
    Good:
    I'm about to begin posting my new story!! It's a serial, and it's COMPLETE. I'm going to release (at least) one chapter a week until it's done.
     
    Bad:
    I haven't actually been able to write anything in the last several weeks since I finished it
     
    Random:
    If I can save the Oxford Coma from extinction I wonder if they'd rename it "The Houston Coma" or perhaps given my SN they'd call it "The Friendly Coma"...I'd like that; I think writing is much friendlier with it.
     
     
    Good:
    I've been doing a lot more reading lately
     
    Bad:
    My eyesight seems to be getting much worse
     
    Random:
    I refuse to wear glasses, Donald.
    (Okay, I know it's unlikely that any of you are named 'Donald', but I didn't think that was a sufficiently random comment given the good and bad, so I thought by adding 'Donald' to the statement it'd bump up the weird/random quotient a good bit)
     
     
    Good:
    Whole wheat spaghetti
     
    Bad:
    Attending a dinner event with VERY little vegetarian food
     
    Random:
    "Do you remember checks?"
    This question was posed by one of my instructors today. The very sweet, very adorable (but very straight ) boy sitting next me got very confused, glanced at the bag of Check's mix he was eating, and inquired if that's what the professor meant. Turns out he was actually referring to 'checks' as in 'cash, check, credit, or debit', apparently he thought they might have become so archaic that a classroom of young twenty-somethings might literally not remember them...considering the boy's initial reaction this suspicion doesn't seem completely groundless.
     
     
    Good:
    Falling asleep to the sound of the rain on the roof
     
    Bad:
    Waking up to the sound of someone walking on the roof and misinterpreting it as someone walking in the hallway outside your room. (I live alone)
     
    Random:
    Lucky likes to sit on the window sill and meow at birds.
     
     
    Good:
    Chatting until early into the morning with friends
     
    Bad:
    Doing so because one of them is afraid to be alone
     
    Random:
    I love being alone! But then I also love heights and confined spaces, so I guess I'm just fond of all sorts of things which freak other people out.
     
    Good:
    The internet
     
    Bad:
    Keeps going down
     
    Random:
    I called and complained that my dishwasher wasn't working...
    Yeah it wasn't either and a call to maintenance was next on my list, unfortunately I was on hold so long, and spent more time thinking about the dishwasher, so when the tech guy asked what wrong...
  18. AFriendlyFace
    So this summer is going to be entirely too busy! I've been dreading it for months now, and it basically officially started for me Monday and now I'm just desperately hoping I can hold out till August.
     
    I have to take THREE summer courses, a major exams (5 hours long!), do observations and curriculum AND work full-time!
     
    Basically this translates into getting up early every morning, working, going straight to class, not getting home till about 8:30 or 9 at night (and that's for right now while I'm lucky, as the summer goes on it'll be more like 10pm ) and then repeating the whole thing over again all week.
     
    My weekends would seem to be freer, but they're really not. I'll probably have to work some weekends, plus I already have some class/school related activities planned for some of them, and then there's the simple matter of catching up on all the laundry, cleaning, house stuff that I couldn't do all week!
     
    To top it all off I'm being completely overwhelmed socially and I'm getting to the point where I want to just turn my phone off and hide from everyone! Case in point, this week has been grueling and all I wanted to do was spend a quiet weekend to myself doing nothing. Instead yesterday Luke asked me to help him finish up stuff for his house this coming Saturday (which will FINALLY go on the market on Sunday), Scott asked me to consider officially joining our church this Sunday (which he's planning to do and at the very least expects me to attend), and then William calls and tries to convince me that I need to spend the weekend partying with him and another guy in Austin! THEN Scott further decides that he wants to have a get together on Friday night for his sister who's coming to visit AND William decides that prior to going on the trip Saturday we should all go out on Friday night
     
    EUGHHHHH!!
     
    So far I've just told them all regarding all the 'plans' that I just don't know and can't commit myself. And I so don't know what to do. I feel like my 'obligation' is to meet Scott's sister on Friday, help Luke on Saturday, and go to the church thing on Sunday (although I've already decided I'm not quite ready to join myself). That feels like my duty as a good friend, but at the same time the clubbing on Friday and weekend in Austin with William sounds like a lot more fun and we've been discussing this on and off for awhile and it's something I really want to do, plus I've been spending way more time with Scott and Luke so it would be good to do something with William. Then there's the simple matter that I'm just really really physically, emotionally, and mentally tired and I really want to just do the reclusive hermit thing.
     
    What I've tentatively decided is that I won't go to work tomorrow (I can do that ) thus spending quiet time with me. Class is actually cancelled tomorrow night so I'll be able to spend the early evening with Scott and his sister, then I'll meet up with William and we can go clubbing. I'll probably end up going with him to Austin because of the plans that don't include being alone with myself that's the most appealing, something I've really been wanting to do, and something I know I'll regret not doing. I think it'll be okay with Luke because I've helped him ALOT already, he's nearly done, and I *think* he'll understand. I've also sorta let Scott know where I stand so I think he might be okay with me not going to the church thing on Sunday...on the other hand I know I'm also deluding myself...they're both going to be pissed at me and Scott will probably be disappointed/hurt. What the heck am I supposed to do though?? I already give way more time and attention to them than I do to William anyway, and William is just...fun. Like it's so easy, casual, and carefree spending time with him. Of course I know he 'needs' me less, but that's sorta part of the appeal I guess :wacko:
     
    In any case I don't see a way out of this that won't disappoint someone, make me feel like a bad friend, and result in me starting the next week just as exhausted as I am already...but I think the above plan works the best and minimizes the damage, so I'll probably go with that.
     
    BTW, my friend Josh from the last entry...entering rehab. So that's a good thing. I'm hoping it takes.
  19. AFriendlyFace
    I had the most amazing weekend!
     
    I got back into Baton Rouge Friday afternoon and visited with my friend Mandi until Saturday afternoon. We relieved all the things we used to do and pretty much spent the whole time talking non-stop. We're both very chatty people, especially her, so it was a ball. I got really nostalgic seeing all the old places and how they've changed and how they haven't.
     
    Over dinner Friday night we went to our favourite restaurant, where we used to go about once a week before I moved, and we ordered our usual stuff, and we talked and laughed and at one point she said, "for a minute I forgot you didn't still live here." I'd forgotten that too actually. I can easily imagine that that Friday night and Saturday would have been a 'routine' evening for us if I still lived there.
     
    Then on Saturday evening I met up with my friends Claire and Josh in the area we all grew up and went to high school. That was both harder, but it felt more necessary. With Mandi it hadn't been quite as long (2 years as opposed to nearly 6 with Josh), and we'd stayed in touch, and we're both in a good place in our lives. It was two old friends who missed each other but were fine. With Josh and Claire...well first of all it was just wonderful seeing them!
     
    I'm not sure if I ever mentioned any of the drama going on with Claire, but we have stayed in touch over the years via phone since I moved away from Louisiana completely, and once she did come to Texas, so I still felt very close to her, but she's going through a rough patch. I think she's finally completely done with her girlfriend, and actually her future is looking brighter and more hopeful than it has in a very long time if you ask me, but while she's coping amazingly well she's still pretty much reeling from all that. Which is why she had to move in with Josh...
     
    Josh, is the one I'm most worried about. He had a rough ride throughout high school and college, and he's cycled between drugs and alcohol and ultra-religiousness. The guy's just so clearly in so much pain and turmoil, and right now he's kind of like stuck in both phases if that even makes sense, and the contradictions are taking their toll on him. Yet, he's still the same boy I knew in high school. He's still full of life and bright eyed, he's still slender and adorable, and he's still loud and out-going. Which really made it all the harder to bear seeing him like that. I almost think if he had just been a shell it would have been...well no maybe not.
     
    Being gay has always been such a burden for him, it's always been something he's hated but that's been so undeniably him. It just drives me crazy that all this time later he's still in this vicious cycle because of it. It's so foreign to me too. I mean I've known over people who've struggled because of it, and I can sympathize, but my general reaction and the course I steered my life as a result of realizing I was gay can best be described as, "okay, cool!" So even though I can see his position, maybe I just can't properly empathize. I guess I can't quite imagine why he didn't fight the things that said it was bad and channel his sexuality into a healthy outlet (instead of an unhealthy one ). I mean I can intellectually understand, and sympathize, but I guess I can't really know what it's like. Then I look at other people who overcame similar obstacles and I just really can't figure it out. I mean I can...but I can't, and it's driving me crazy. I really don't know if he'll ever be okay...
     
    I sorta have this guilt as a result. I'm f**king fine; I should have dragged him through as well. But we weren't close friends, and I never knew about most of the stuff he went through until much later. He also came out way before I did. I've thought it over many times. I think the closet was very protective for me. When I was ready to come out, I was READY to come out. I had my head together, and I was in a strong position. He just wasn't really ready and didn't know how to deal...apart from that I guess he was always in a more hostile environment. Ignoring all that though, I am sorry I wasn't there for him properly. That I didn't do much to directly help.
     
    I had similar feelings of, "I wish I'd done more to be there for you over the years" toward Mandi and Claire as well, the big difference of course is that while I feel I could have done more, I did do something, and since we were doing so many sentimental chats this weekend I brought this up to each of them, and they both said it was helpful just being able to talk about it wit me even if I wasn't physically there. Apart from all that they're both doing better in the first place. This weekend was really the first time I've had the chance to talk to Josh about all his stuff directly instead of just hearing it through other people. It's really even the first time we've related to each other as two openly gay guys.
     
    Still, I can't change the past, and there's no point in speculating about how things might have turned out differently. In many ways Josh would have been my first really viable candidate as a boyfriend. But while I've always found him cute, I never really felt that way about him, and for most of our history together it just wouldn't have been possible because of the different places we were in life and our journeys. I guess it's also just ridiculous to think that I could have helped him at all. Who knows, maybe he'd have dragged me in with him instead? Maybe I'd be strung out or thumping a Bible...or both.
     
    I realized too, that even ignoring any radical changes in our pasts, I could be living that life with Claire and Josh as well...I mean under different circumstances I could imagine what we did being a 'routine' Saturday night for us as well. But I left, I left and I moved to Baton Rouge, and then I left and moved to Houston, and I don't regret it, not any of it, not for a minute. As I said to them when they asked how I liked Houston, "It exceeded my expectations and I'd still be perfectly satisfied with it even if I were enjoying it considerably less."
     
    I truth is I don't have a lot of the problems that the three of them are facing simply because I did leave. I have more options and I have a wider range of very different friends, and while I'm not criticising their lives or our old cities, I haven't a doubt in my mind that I'm happier here. It's selfish I know, and I do love them and want to be there for them, but I don't want to be there for them.
  20. AFriendlyFace

    "Oh wait, I do"

    By AFriendlyFace,

    So I was hanging out with Scott, Luke, and John last night and eventually John went home and Luke went to bed and Scott and I kept talking for awhile longer. Eventually, I decided to go home...and then realized I couldn't find my keys. I have a chronic problem keeping track of my things, particularly my keys, so it was nothing new, but certainly frustrating. On the bright side John has developed this amazing gift for finding things for me! Prior to last night the last several times I've lost my keys he's been able to find them and the other day when we were out somewhere we were about to walk away when he picked up a phone from a nearby table and said, "wait, isn't this your phone?" (it was ).
     
    Anyway, as I said, John had already gone home so he wasn't there to locate them for me. As a result Scott and I spent a good 45 minutes searching all the homes in house except Luke's (since he was sleeping) and looking in my truck. No luck. Eventually I said in frustration, "As soon as I find my keys I'm going to make a copy of my apartment key for you to hang on to so that next time this happens you'll have a key".
     
    It was then that he paused, thought a minute and then responded, "Oh wait, I do." Turns out I'd had the same idea several months ago and given him one then. I do vaguely remember that now. Anyway, I always keep a spare key for my truck in my wallet because I'm apt to lock my keys inside, so I already had that, and so with the house-key I was able to go home. Still no luck finding my keys though. Looks like I must have left them somewhere while we were out
  21. AFriendlyFace
    So a couple of days ago the craziest thing happened! I was minding my own business at work and it was time to go to lunch. So I walked out, and realized that I'd gone out the wrong door and that my truck was on the other side of campus (I'm a sub. teacher for those who don't know). SO, I thought, "it's a nice day, no point in turning around, I'll just cut across this field." So I cut across this GIANT field only to find that there was in fact no easy way to get back to my truck and that I had to follow the fence along back to the road. Eventually I found this opening and rather than go all the way around the block I thought, "Okay, I can cut through here." So I walk awhile and realize that I'm actually on the fenced in campus of this small, Christian, elementary private school that's next door to the high school I was subbing at. No big deal I figure, there's bound to be a way out. Well it turns out it was completely fenced in! As luck would have it however, this guy was coming through the gate that led out into the parking lot (yes, even the parking lot was fenced off!). So I went through as he was coming in...only to discover that I was trapped inside a small parking lot that was completely fenced in, and the only way out was the gate through which I'd entered, and two other gates that led out onto the main street (an 'exit' and an 'enter') unfortunately during school hours the 'exit' was completely sealed off, and you had to be coming from outside (and in a car) to open the enter. SO, since the gates that lead out onto the road (which would have actually helped me) were REALLY high, I eventually elected to climb one of the shorter gates...back into the fenced in campus. After roaming around for awhile I finally found this underground tunnel which went under the road and out onto the other side. I figured, "this has to be a good sign!"...wasn't. It ended up leading me right into ANOTHER fenced in parking lot. By now I wasn't having this anymore! SO I just sucked it up and climbed the VERY high fence out which lead to the sidewalk by the road.
     
    After all this I was blocks away from my truck, but I saw this subway in the distance and thought, "well that works." So I strolled over there for lunch and ordered a salad. Wouldn't you know it that to add insult to injury they only put a SPOON in the bag with my salad and no fork!!!! What the hell?? I made this epic trek and they can't even give me a frickin fork?
     
    Anyway, I actually rather got a kick out of all that, so it wasn't too bad!
     
    Last night I got a call from an old friend who I hadn't spoken with in about six years (he got my number from a mutual friend). It was kinda weird. He's like this 'ex-gay', Christian fundamentalist now, and I suppose he was spurred to call me because he'd heard of my 'wayward ways'. ...It's always nice to be insulted by someone you haven't heard from in six years.
     
    Anyway, I'm thoroughly excited, I'm going on this trip back to Baton Rouge tomorrow and Saturday to visit an old friend that I haven't seen since I moved! It'll be a blast! We're going to relive all our old, fun activities. Then Saturday night I'm meeting up with some more old friends, then I'll (hopefully) be back in time to go to church and 'young adults youth group' Sunday. I really like them! It's such a progressive group! Like the exact opposite of my Christian Fundy friend. We have alota good discussions and also a lot of fun activities. Last weekend we played ultimate frisbee in the park, which was a blast! My two best friends go too, so it's always fun times Anyway I'll be having lunch with them, then going to a gay organization I belong to, then as soon as that's over I'm going to go visit some friends of mine that have horses. I've been hanging out more with them lately, and they're these insanely nice guys that are like this really serious gay couple, it's pretty sweet. They always talk about 'their nieces and nephews' and stuff. Anyway, they have horses and they invited me to go ride! I'm so excited about that! I haven't ridden since I was a kid!
     
    So yeah, I'll have a nice, busy, fun-packed next few days
  22. AFriendlyFace
    Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your partner?
    I would definitely want, and expect, to forgive them at some point, but in all likelihood both relationships would be over.
    How old will you be on your next birthday?
    I hate this question
     
    I shall be 24; now leave me alone about my age!
     
    Have you ever seen a live bat?
    Yuppers, there's a 'bat colony' in Houston, and I'd seen them before then. They're cute little things!
     
    Is there anything/anyone you hate?
    ...I hate that question above
     
    No, not really in the literal sense though, and certainly not people.
    Are you single?
    Yep
    Do you like the color orange?
    Yes, but I don't wear it.
    Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
    Forgiveness is one of the most fundamentally important spiritual things in my life. I would be deeply disappointed in myself if I could not forgive someone.
     
    Would you rather not drink or not sleep?
    Well I'd be pretty miserable either, but since water is my permanent accessory and since the thirst would probably start to irritate me far sooner than the exhaustion I'll go with I'd rather not sleep.
     
    Have you ever seen a real redneck?
    HAHAHA! I see them every day!
     
    Do tattoos and piercings excite you?
    I used to be very turned off by them, I still don't really care for tattoos, but I'm mostly neutral on them. Piercings in the right places on the right guys can be hot. Honestly though, for a long-term partner I think I'd prefer him to come tattoo and piercing free, but it certainly wouldn't be a deal breaker. I don't have or intend to have, either.
    What's the meaning of life?
    Good question!
     
    My philosophy is that I never want to leave a relationship or interaction with a net negative experience for the other person. This could be something big like a partner, close friend, family member, or something much less significant like a cashier at a store or a waiter at a restaurant. Whatever the case I want the person to be slightly better off/happier/whatever than before I entered their life.
     
    It's okay if nothing really happens either way, and I'm fine with people not liking me, but I would be sorry if they actively regretted having met me, or if they weren't somehow better off for it.
     
    A good example would be homophobia. I know some people are just going to straight up dislike me because I'm gay, and that's fine, because I think the exposure to a gay person - hopefully modeling positive or at least neutral behaviour - will ultimately be good for them or at least give them something to think about.
     
    In sum, I would say that the meaning of life is to enjoy it and to spread that enjoyment to others!
     
    What size shoes do you wear?
    10 USA....wanna buy me a pair?
    What's your favorite season?
    I like 'em all.
     
    Spring is beautiful; I like the fashion best in winter; fall has the most pleasant weather around here; summer is always a happy time. Why pick?
    Do you care if people talk smack about you?
    I really don't if the people are having fun or bonding over it or whatever. That is, as long as they're not people I'm close with and they're not saying stuff they know would really hurt me if I heard it.
     
    How long are you on the phone daily?
    Depends on the day. I'm much more of a texter though. On average I would think maybe 20 minutes. Some days are far less and some days are far more, and that's every phone call combined. Really hard to say.
     
    Sorry, I forgot to ask your name?
    Kevin
     
    Are you in a good mood?
    Almost perpetually, but the last few days have been particularly wonderful!
    Do you believe in luck?
    Depends on how you define 'luck', but in all likelihood the answer is 'yes'.
     
    Everything happens for a reason, right?
    I suppose
    Would you rather skydive or bungee jump?
    I've sorta bungee jumped before, but I'd like to do it again from higher up. I'd love to skydive! So I'll vote for skydive!
     
    Do you like snakes?
    I lectured one of my good friends this weekend for trying to kill one needlessly. Excluding insects you'd be hard pressed to find an animal I like less, but I believe all life has a right to exist and there's no point in needlessly killing anything. It's also bad for the ecosystem. Live and let live is my motto.
     
    Where is one place that you'd like to visit?
    I have far more than ONE place I'd like to visit. I'll go with London.
    Do you like waffles?
    They're okay. Not that nutritious and I'm not crazy about them, so I'd probably only eat them if I were hungry and they were the only thing around, but they're not bad and can be very enjoyable.
    Anything your looking forward to?
    Lotsa stuff, nothing I care to pinpoint at the moment though.
    Do you have more or less than five best friends?
    Hmm, I've counted up, and I have eight people that I would readily and very accurately describe as "one of my best friends." Six of those have probably literally been my best friend at different points in time whereas the other two have just consistently been extremely close friends that I really care about. Those six would almost always feel like my best friend whenever I'm with them. Two of the eight have been really really close friends since my teens, and a different two of the eight are my 'best friends' in the most emotionally intense, active, and present sense. If I had to pick one of the last two would get the 'title'.
     
    I also have quite a few 'good friends', that I really care about and love spending time with, and many more 'casual friends'. I'm pretty free with my affection and friendship; although this doesn't mean I take it lightly.
    What would you do if the friend you talk to most stopped talking to you?
    Been there, done that...
     
    I forgave him and got on with my life. As I said above I have other awesome friends, so it wasn't the end of the world, but it did hurt like hell, and he definitely was my primary 'best friend' at the time
     
    Actually we're still riding the emotional roller coaster because we have so many mutual friends we're more or less 'stuck' in each other's lives. It's getting better though, and while I do hope we can re-establish consistently friendly relations, I know I never want to be close with him again.
    Does the number 23 have any significance to you?
    Yes, I've been 23 for awhile now, but as I said, I don't like to discuss or focus on age.
    Be honest, do you like people in general?
    Oh very much! People are awesome!
    Big or small dogs?
    Definitely big dogs, but I like all dogs in principle and most in application.
     
    Do you like Big Macs?
    No way! First of all I don't meat (which I suppose is how you could classify that), and second I don't eat fast food.
     
    Did someone bother you today?
    Nope
     
    Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
    Not at all
    Does someone love you?
    Lots of people do and I love them back
     
    Do you know anyone named Dave?
    Yeah I do, he's an awesome guy and a moderately good friend of mine. Unfortunately he's moving away soon, but I think he's making the right decision and will be happy, so I support him in this.
     
    Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a R?
    I was going to say no, then I remembered that a couple of nights ago my friend Rocky greeted me with one of those 'gay kisses', so yes.
    Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
    Not that I recall. I have a very small family.
    Have you ever tried Gatorade?
    When I was a kid, but I preferred Powerade and haven't drunk either in years.
     
    Do you think that Starbucks is expensive?
    I've come to accept the cost as expected, so relatively no, but objectively yes, it is.
    Are you named after a family member?
    Kinda sorta, my middle name is my grandfather's first name.
    Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
    I
  23. AFriendlyFace
    My life is just so amazingly good. I mean I already knew that, but the last couple of days it's really been hitting home or something. It's like I just bounce around for one enjoyable activity to the next and even when less fun stuff happens it never seems to hang around for very long.
     
    The last three days have just been phenomenal! I had the most awesome, easy, fun assignments at work (sub-teaching), like I literally had like 3 hours off that I was getting paid for both days. LOL, and I just went to fancy restaurants, and chilled. Yesterday I was sitting at this cool lounge/restaurant that I love drinking Pomegranate Martini's and texting my friends. I mean who really gets to do that while they're "at work". It's like if you watch the old Friends episodes you always wonder "how are they just sitting around in the middle of the day chilling at the coffee house", but I could like totally do that lol!
     
    Today I was in such a good mood I decided to just take the day off and have a long weekend. Which I can do whenever I want because work is like optional! And now I'm just kicked back eating baked Brie with these amazing crackers and sipping wine. Later I'm meeting friends for the evening. Haha, it's all so ridiculously unfair that I have such a delightful life, but God I love it!
     
    I can pretend it's because it's because I made good decisions, or fought for what I wanted, and I guess I did...but the truth is I'm just lucky prick!
     
    Anyway, after last time's rant, I thought a nice rave was in order
  24. AFriendlyFace
    So if anyone else says the word 'pencil' to me today I swear I'm going to scream!
     
    All day it was:
     
    "Mr. Face (no that's not my real last name, but I'm not giving it out over the internet), can I go sharpen my pencil?"
     
    "Mr. Face, so and so stole my pencil"
     
    "Mr. Face, my pencil broke again"
     
    "Mr. Face, I need to borrow a pencil"
     
    "Mr. Face, I lost that pencil"
     
     
    I swear it got to the point that I was fantasizing about having this giant bucket filled with pre-sharpened pencils that I could just hand out to everyone every time they even thought the word 'pencil'.
     
    To make matters worse at this school they actually have this really weird like pencil vending machine that all the kids use to buy pencils. Well the pencils suck! Like big time! IF you can even sharpen them at all without leaving funky pieces of wood up one side or having the point break before you can get it out of the sharpener it's still going to break within 3 uses of contact with a piece of paper (especially if you happen to be a 2nd grader ). Add to that the fact that the sharpeners available were also insanely crappy (it was even hard for me to make them work, and I'm not a silly 7 year old with still developing fine motor skills). Anyway, I felt like my whole day consisted of hearing the word 'pencil' in the context of some type of complaint or request.
     
    I did briefly get distracted from the saga of the No.2, when THREE of my closest friends all started texting me like mad about their respective boyfriend/girlfriend/ex drama, and then one of my kids started crying. I know it's selfish, but it's like, "Look! There's only one of me, and I can only console one of you at a time" :wacko:
     
    Plus that damn funky pencil sharpener hurt my hand!
     
    Anyway, total rant, didn't have much else to say.
  25. AFriendlyFace
    I was going to write this deep, brooding blog entry. Actually I did. And I posted it. Only I posted it in my personal, no-one-has-access-or-even-knows-about-it journal. The catharsis came simply from writing it and I didn't actually want to make people sit and wonder what words of support they could offer to make me feel better when really I was already feeling fine having written it.
     
    So I do feel better. Emotional crisis averted and all that jazz.
     
    Then if my still contemplative but soothed state I wrote another entry. Decided it to post it privately too.
     
    So here, dear friends is the third entry, and it consists of a single question. A question which I hope will make you gain insights into yourselves more than I hope it will give me my own insight. I'm still curious to know the answers, and of course I'll consider them carefully, but at this point it comes down to a more thoughtful, philosophical pondering than any sort of need or want to actually know.
     
    So the question is:
     
    Why take a life partner?
     
    Considering that I've just spent the better part of the last hour and a half contemplating this, I don't particularly think I'll hear very many things I haven't already considered. I'll probably hear some, but unless you go for something really deep and out there, I've probably already considered it. Nevertheless, as I said, I'm curious about your responses and I hope you get something out of it -be you single or partnered already - so I hope you'll indulge me.
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