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AFriendlyFace

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  1. AFriendlyFace
    So lest you guys think there's a new guy in my life I'd better reveal now that the he in question is my adorable cat, Timmy. He's out like a light! wiggling his tail, twitching his paws etc. This is the second afternoon in a row he's chosen the same spot to take a very serious nap! It's a bit unfortunate since I'm planning to buy a filing cabinet to go right there, but I'm sure he'll adapt.....actually he'll whine and be upset like he always is .
     
    Speaking of a new guy in my life I'm planning to attend this...event tonight. It's pride month, and despite my personal opinions about the whole "pride" thing per se ( Sexuality: I just don't care , 8th paragraph for my precise views on the issue) , I have absolutely no qualms about participating in the social aspects of it. It'll be fun and a great chance to meet new people. Anyway I was checking out this website with a calandar of events and it turns out that tonights there's some poolside cocktail party thing at this swanky hotel. Anyway it sounds fun, admission is only $10 and there's appetizers and an open bar. I'm just a little confused about what to wear. The first place I read about it (I later found another site referring to it when I was searching for more info) made it sound really formal, it even described it as a "black tie event", but it did stress that you were free to come as casually or formally as you pleased. So based on that I was going to dress up alot. Then this last place referred to it as a "casual party", used the word casual several times and never mentioned it being formal at all . So blah, I dunno. Unfortunately there's no number to call so I can't like call and ask. I think I'll try to dress somewhere in the nexus of formal and casual. I mean heck it's a bunch of gay guys they'll probably be more concerned with how I look in the clothes than the clothes themselves anyway .....oh wait that's straight guys about women, gay guys do care about clothes don't they? :wacko: Anyway I guess I'm a bit nervous about it. I'm worried it'll be alot of older guys and I'll look like a silly kid. But it's always fun meeting new people, and I really want to go. So....
     
    I'm also a bit concerned because it'll be kinda late before it's over, plus I'm half thinking of going out afterwards, but there's this 5k walk/run thing that I really want to do! It's also part of the "pride" thing. And I see that maybe being my target demographic. There's even a 20-25 age bracket. But it starts really early Saturday, so it may not be a great idea to stay our really late, then get up early the next day for a 5 mile walk. **sigh** to top it off I forgot to register for it, and no one answered when I called the information number. So I'm sorta just going to have to show up and hope they can get me signed up on the spot.
     
    I'm also really tired today anyway, I stayed up WAY too late last night (4:30, and got up at 6:00). It sucked! I'm usually (well lately) good about getting enough sleep too, but last night I just kept getting distracted with stuff. Like you ever decide, "well I'm going to clean up ___", then "well while I'm at it I'll do ___", then "well now I might as well do ___ too". Well that happened to me. But on the plus side I got ALOT done.
     
    My washer hose finally showed up yesterday, I've been waiting for it for a long time so I could do some laundry. That's the good news. The bad news is it won't work . At least not by itself. It's a "fill" hose and I need a fill/drain hose. IF I could get a drain hose too, maybe there's some kinda way I could connect them and make it work, but I can't do anything with what I've got now. I thought the part I ordered would be the combo...but no . There's another part in the book, so in a bit I'm gonna call and see if maybe THAT'S the drain hose, and hopefully it'll also come with some kinda kit to connect the two. But actually I'm not too optimistic about this, in fact I'm frickin really mad and frustrated! I'm down to one towel!! ONE TOWEL! How crazy is that??? Even if there is some way to order the part I really do need it'll take a good week (or 2 to 2.5) to get here. I'm just going to have to take my laundry to the wash room GRRRR. I've only used a wash room once and I didn't particularly care for it. Oh well, maybe this time will be better. I'm actually pretty okay with everything but towels. I have such a clothes addiction that I can go a long time before I run out of stuff to wear. In fact I'm positive I could go another 2 and a half weeks easily before I run out of anything else. It's just the towel situation that's dire.
     
    Speaking of clothes, belts seem to be my new addiction. It's crazy, last year I had either 2 or 3. This year I have 10. In fact I bought 3 in one day, Wednesday. I love the ones I got though! I can't wait to wear them! I got a pretty good variety too, I got this brown one with metal spikes, this funky black one with like a bunch of colours running through the middle, and this brown leather one with birds and stuff stitched into it....okay so they all sound really weird writing about them, but I really like them! It's very embarrassing though, I feel like I've been way too materialistic lately.
     
    Actually this feeling prompted a whole quest for deep introspection and spiritual fulfillment. I spent an entire day last week analyizing all the junk in my head. I started with a nice walk in the park, and wrote some in this notebook I had. Then it started to rain so I went to the aqaurium and wrote ALOT more. I even condensed my results into a blog entry...then I decided not to post it because I was literally talking about my deepest secrets and fears, and all my worst issues and problems...so yeah made me feel a little too vulnerable , but just writing it helped alot. And I'm definitely planning to do it again soon. Mostly the first time I touched on emotional/psychological stuff. I want to do it again and just focus on spirituality.
     
    In other news work's going pretty well. At least they tell me it's going pretty well. I'm still doing the training stuff, but I've been getting a bunch of praise and positive attention from the people over me. Well I say the people over me, but it's actually a really weird (to me) situation. Technically I'll be "self-employed", just sort of an independent agent for the company. Basically they'll provide me with materials and "leads" to call, but everything else is completely up to me. There's no salary at all everything is purely commissions, bonuses, and stock in the company. It's a little scary that I could just not make anything, but they keep reinforcing that it all depends on how much time and effort you put in. And actually it really doesn't look that hard, I was a little skeptical but it seems okay. And anyway I can just leave if I don't like it. The nice thing is that apart from meetings on Friday I can do whatever I want the rest of the week (well once training and testing is over that is). They don't care when you work...they don't even really care IF you work, you just won't get paid if you don't . So that's delightfully flexible, and it should fit really nicely with my personal life. If I'm busy with other stuff, but okay for money (which I'm so not right now ....I literally haven't been this broke in the last 5 years) I'll just cut back on working, if I need the cash I can just work extra hard. LOL and the awesome thing is that I can decide what days I want to work. So yay! Once I actually start doing stuff (which will still be another couple of weeks ), I'll let you guys know how it's going.
     
    Anyway this is definitely a long enough entry so I'll stop here. I just want to add (HA! you thought I was stopping for real didn't you ), that I'm sorry I haven't been on much and haven't been too active in the forums or blogs, or leaving feedback in the efiction section. Stuff's just been hectic, but I hope to catch up on everything soon. LOL and eventually I want to start going back into chat . Anyway take care everyone and have an awesome day!!
     
    Kevin
  2. AFriendlyFace
    I'm just so unbelievably happy right now! Today was awesome! It was my first day of training at work....oh yeah I was gonna tell you guys about it. Well I know this may sound chronically boring, but I'm going to be an insurance agent. It's definitely not something I saw myself doing, but they got ahold of my resume and called me and invited me to this presentation (followed by an interview), and I really liked it. I thought I'd totally screwed up the interview too. Because...well it's a long story (even by my standards ), but anyway apparently not because later that evening they called and offered me the job. Anyway I think I'm going to like it, the commission is good, the benefits are nice, there's an excellent retirement/investment program (yeah I worry about stuff like that, I've already had an IRA for like 2 years now ), and I only HAVE to go into the office two days a week, the rest of the time I can work from home for the most part. Besides I think it'll be fun meeting new people all the time and getting there "life story" (even if it does focus on health/finance ). So anyway today was my first day of training and it went pretty well, then I had a meeting with the other people on my "team" (LOL I LOVE teams!), and our team manager (who's really nice, he's like a grandpa or something, and I VERY highly regard my grandfather and grandfathers in general so it's quite good if I associate him with one). Plus all the people on my team are pretty darn nifty too! In fact I was coincidentally sitting next to one of them during the class. Yeah the training is like this "class" for three weeks, then you have to pass your licensing exam (which is actually completely seperate from the class, that's not what they teach you, you study that on your own), then you're good to go.
     
    So anyway after work I went on this crazy, fun shopping spree . Oh my gosh it was fun! I got like everything. Two ties, three dressy button down shirts, SEVERAL pairs of nice socks, a nice belt and some new pants, all for work. Then for fun I got like 5 or 6 T-shirts, I'm having so much fun with those now! I used to seldom buy T-shirts because they were usually too big (or bigger than I liked) BUT I found the secret....you shop in the little boy's department . LOL it's perfect! I like the way they fit better, they're cheaper, and they're actually cuter too! Like I got this one that says, "Sure to be grounded this time tomorrow" and another fun one that says, "I tried to be good but I got bored" , and anyway I don't feel silly about it, because 1) it's my business anyway and 2 ) I saw these other 3 gay guys doing the same thing . I also got a few "casual" shirts, I looked at jeans but didn't like any of them, I got this other AWESOME belt. It's so cool! LOL and really gay looking (or maybe really punk/emo, but regardless I like the look ), and then I even bought some fancy underwear.
     
    So then I had a lovely chat with the lady who was checking me out (ringing up my goods that is, I don't think she was interested in that way :king: ), she was from Los Vegas, and had just found a new job with the Texas school board. In 8 years the value of her home in Los Vegas TRIPLED! Anyway so then on the way out my dad called. So usually talking to my dad makes me nervous and stressed, but this time it was fun! Blah so that's all I'm gonna say about that instead of psychoanalyzing it.
     
    Anyway then I went to this yuppie grocery store/market that only sells over-priced organic, high quality foods. It was so much fun! I got a buncha nifty stuff! Including this gorgeous artichoke! some really nice leeks, and corn. A jar of hearts of Palm (MMMMMMmmmm), some pomegranate juice (I'd been wanting to try it for months now!), a fillet of Halibut steak, a New England Lobster cake, a blue crab cake, and a chocolate decadence cake for dessert (I bought some whipped cream too ).
     
    Cooking it was so much fun and it all came out really great! Of course I had to have really tiny portions of everything so I could try everything, but that just means I've got several more delicious meals left!
     
    My mom, aunt, and two good friends also called today. Those conversations were all really fun too. Plus I had a nice chat with several really awesome people online! (you know who you are ), and I got to watch a little of this gay romantic movie I bought the other day, Latter Days (I watched the whole thing when I first got it, I just watched half of it again while I was eating). It's REALLY good, and it was recommended independently by two really wonderful guys here.
     
    LOL I had the pleasure of climbing the gate to get back into my apartment again today (well I could have gone all the way around but climbing the gate is WAY more fun) .
     
    Oh and another observation back in Lousiana we always called those big raised things in the middle of the road designed to prevent people from going too quickly "Speed bumps". Here apparently they're called "humps". So you get the interesting frequent occurrence of a sign announcing, "Road Humps" Maybe I'm like 12 but I think that's really funny . Of course I always did wonder where alleys came from.
     
    I've also decided I really love being gay (well I decided that along time ago, but I was really thinking about it today)! It's so much fun! I don't see how I could be as happy as a straight guy. LOL, maybe, but I dunno, being gay is pretty neat! I'm so lucky , I mean most people don't get to be gay! And then some people that are don't even enjoy it properly.
     
    So I'm going to stop there even though I really wanna tell you guys about some of my new friends, and also that dishwasher story Matt mentioned in the last blog, but I guess it'll have to wait.
     
    Have an awesome day everyone and take care!
    Kevin
     
    P.S. so I know this entry is really poorly written, but I don't feel like editing it, so you guys are getting it "raw"
  3. AFriendlyFace
    Hey Everyone! Guess What?! I'm back! Sorta. I still have alota unpacking to do and I still need to find a job and make new friends, so I'm not completely back, but kinda sorta.
     
    So let's see, what do I really need to tell you guys about since the last time I blogged?
     
    -I quit my job. Everyone was REALLY great, especially my boss and his wife, they took me out to eat to this really nice sushi place, gave me some cash as a graduation/leaving present, as well as a couple of other gifts it was really sweet! Then when they dropped me off at home and were leaving for good they both gave me hugs and told me they loved me and were going to miss me. Needless to say I was pretty emotional. Especially since I basically "left" three seperate times, the time I just described (which was the official final time), and then once each when I left the two different locations for good and had to say goodbye to those respective coworkers.


    -Funnyish story, when we went out to eat there was this cute, young, obviously gay, Maitre D at the restaurant. Anyway, naturally enough I suppose, we were discussing my future plans. Well the Maitre D happens to walk by and stand facing away from us at the next table to seat someone else. Soooo being a normal, redblooded, (gay) guy I was checking him out when the next thing I know my (now former) boss comes out with, "So have you ever considered the priesthood" I practically chocked on the water I'd just been attempting to swallow lol. (and for the record I don't think I'd make a good priest. First off I don't want to do the whole, "being alone romantically" thing, and secondly I'm pretty sure many of my views (and not just about homosexuality, but in general) would get me excommunicated).
     
    -My grades for the semester turned out WAY better than I expected. Even in full slacker mood I still managed to NOT bring down my GPA at all.
     
    -I unfortunately had trouble motivating myself to pack and ended up literally staying up all night 2 days before the move to get it all done.
     
    -We had MAJOR U-Haul difficulties. While I'm proficient in handling a stick **blush** my mom (who accompanied me) doesn't know how to drive a standard, so she had to drive the crazy-big (23 foot long) U-Haul (automatic), while I drove my truck (manual).


    -Well first off they didn't have the truck we'd reserved when we went to pick it up the night before, so we had to come back early the next morning to get it (they did reduce our price and upgrade us to a larger size though). Which of course put us REALLY behind packing the sucker and getting on the road.
    -Of course I felt sorry for my poor mum (it just felt like a "mum" moment ) having to drive that huge truck, and so I volunteered to take Timmy (A.K.A. the whinny, crying beast from Hades) with me, while she took Lucky (A.K.A. the soothing angel of peace) with her. So the thing about Timmy is, he's neurotic AND vocal with it. He particularly didn't like it when we: Stopped, turned, parked, started, or continued to move forward. :wacko: And don't even get me started about how much he hated it when I got on the phone with the people in the leasing office of my new complex to tell them we were running late (I'm sure they were under the impression I'd been detained due to having to devise new methods of feline torture)
    -Of course the most interesting and unfortunate incident occurred the second time we stopped to get gas. My mom turned a little short and scrapped the side of the truck against one of those big iron/cement posts they put up around the gas tanks...well actually she got it STUCK against one of those posts. So she's upset and I'm thinking "oh geez, this is going to cost me THOUSANDS of dollars", but it falls on me to try to get the truck "unstuck". So I get behind the wheel, cut heavy and start to pull out of it. Which of course creates this horrible scrapping/popping sound. This actually manages to elicit a brief concerned look from Lucky before she decides it isn't worth her trouble and rolls over in her box (meanwhile I can hear Timmy screaming his head off in my truck parked several feet away despite the fact that the doors are shut). Anyway I successfully manage to get the truck unstuck and once again fortune smiles upon: there's no damage to my stuff inside, the truck's still drivable, and best of all the accident is covered by the insurance I took out when I rented it!
     
    -We were late getting to the leasing office, but the lady had stayed behind and waited for us! So I was still able to pick up my key etc.
     
    -Getting everything inside was tough, we had further to take it, several steps to contend with (even though my apartment is on the ground floor the whole property is slightly elevated), we also had a self closing/locking gate to deal with.


    This is quite an odd gate. You can walk OUT with out any trouble, but the heavy metal gate closes and locks itself and there's NO WAY to reopen it from the outside, you have to walk all the way around to the main entrance. Of course, fortunately, the gate is only about 9 feet high and constructed in such a way that it can be climbed -well that is if you're fairly young, strong, and agile. Which happily I am -- so I just kept climbing over and letting my mom in. Until we finally found something heavy enough to prop it open with.
     
    So let's see here's some highlights of what's been going on since I've actually been here:
     
    -I got a new phone (and number of course), which I'm absolutely crazy about! And best of all it has a camera on it! I've always wanted one with a camera. So I've been taking alot of pictures of Timmy and Lucky hugging and cleaning each other. They're so adorable! I'm defintely planning to post the pics of them later. I may even post pics of the apartment once I'm done unpacking (which I'm not even close to completing). And POSSIBLY, but much less likely, a pic or two of myself. I absolutely hate the way I look in pictures. I've got to be like the least photogenic person in the world! I just don't get it! I actually LIKE the way I look in mirrors, and I feel pretty good about my appearance in general, but geez get me on camera and I look like something Dr. Frankenstein couldn't quite vivify.
     
    -Before my mom left (on Wednesday afternoon) we went to "The Container Store" which is a really fun place! I'd read about it in Reader's Digest so I was excited about going. Anyway it was really cool. I bought a buncha junk. Anyway one of my ongoing problems (since before I moved) was solving my shoe situation (I just hated the shoe-rack I used to have). So of course I was looking for something nifty to put my shoes in. But I still don't really like the conventional shoe-racks they have. So anyway finally I see this cool cube-y boxed thing, which I think was actually designed for DVDS/CDS, and I really like it. But my mom's like, "no, you shoes will never fit in that, the boxes aren't wide enough", and I'm all like, "no, I'm sure they will". So anyway finally I'm like, "look I'll prove it", so I pop my shoes off and stick them in the cube-y box structure. LOL well JUST at that moment the guy in that department wanders up; now he's clearly gay and very excited about his job (which I think is just nifty!). So he looks at me and then at my shoes in the DVD case, and while practically bubbling with enthusiasm askes, "Have you considered a shoe-rack?"
     
    -Thursday night I decided to try go out and meet people (I had previously met one of my neighbours and had a nice conversation with some other applicants at a job interview - the job for which I decided wasn't quite right for me). So I went to this gay dance club, but it was like empty. SO I ended up walking along the strip (yeah it's so cool there's like a whole strip/area of gay clubs and other venues) and going to this like sports/karaoke bar (well actually I think they usually show Will&Grace and other "gay" stuff....so I guess it's not really a "sports bar"). It was okay, but there weren't that many people around my age there . This older guy said something to me that was a comeon, but I'm still not quite sure what. He either said, "Hey Cutie, what's up?", "Hey Kiddie (I was one of the youngest people there), what's up?", or "Hey Kitty ( ???), what's up?". In any case even if I had be interested (which I wasn't), he just kept walking. The funny girl next to me turned to me and said, "You shoulda said 'the rent' ". lol


    -Anyway just as I was giving up on meeting anyone in my age group, this group of 3 cute guys walks in. And best of all the one I was REALLY interested in seemed to be the "Third wheel", as the other two were clearly a couple. He was just my type! Blonde, blue-eyed, boyish, and with a great smile. So I decided to just be friendly and I went up to him and introduced myself and started a conversation. Well it went okay, his name was Chase, and he was pretty nice, but after a few minutes of "carrying the conversation ball" I decided he must either be really shy or just not interested. So I excused myself. Boy I felt lousy! I mean it wasn't even a real rejection, he was completely responsive to everything I said, and for all I know he may have had a boyfriend, or just been intimidated talking to a stranger, but I was suddenly thinking, "oh my gosh I must be ugly! ". So I went to the bathroom to check in the mirror, fully intending to maybe cry a little in a bathroom stall if I didn't like what I saw (yeah that's pathetic I know, but I was already walking out on a limb not knowing ANYONE and trying to introduce myself to strangers, and I just felt really vulnerable). But happily I did like what I saw, so I figured, "screw it if I'm not his type".
     
    -Anyway on the way out my self-esteem was like completely restored when this guy (again too old for me like the majority of people in that place) stepped in front of me, looked me over, and said, "you're really cute". So I guess maybe I shoulda even been a little intimidated by this older, bigger guy standing in my path making a pass at me, but it was like EXACTLY what I wanted/needed to hear right then, so I just grinned, said something to the effect of: "Thanks, that's really sweet of you to say.", and stepped around him. And it REALLY made my night .
     
    -So when I got home that night I checked out some stuff online and found some information for a "GLBT Community Center", and I figured maybe they could help me get involved in some sort of groups or something, and meet people. So anyway I went, but the darn thing was closed even though it was during normal hours! BUT by a huge stroke of good luck as I was leaving these two guys walked up intending to go in too, so we got to talking, and one of them, Brad, said he was going out with some friends that night (to the very same dance club I'd originally intended to go - which is apparently packed on Friday and Saturday), and he invited me to come along. At this point I discovered that they were actually a little younger than I expected, and similarly they were surprised to discover I was older than they expected. Brad, is 18 almost 19, and his boyfriend, Michael, is only 16! (and of course couldn't even get into the club). Anyway Brad was really nice and I figured I could use all the friends I could get, besides 3 years isn't that big an age difference (and it made me happy that I apparently could still pass for 18 or 19 w/o any trouble).
     
    -It was really fun, I met his other three friends, and we all danced and had a good time. (And I discovered that I'd better be careful around here, the guys seem to move REALLY fast. I was dancing with this one guy at the club and the next thing I know he's trying to kiss me, I didn't even freakin know his FIRST name, yet alone his last! Anyway I kept moving away so he didn't quite get my lips, but my throat, ear and cheeks certainly got covered in "pushy guy saliva. I was kinda irritated too, I mean geez! there wasn't even any conversation! Maybe I'm just a prude but...eughhh) Anyway then we went to this cafe' and hung out for awhile, then eventually we got food at like 4 in the morning at this all night diner. I had a really good time. And amazingly all these places were like "gay" places. I just can't get over what a huge gay settlement this city has! It's like everyone's gay! Especially in this one section of town which, by complete coincedence, I'm not quite in, but I'm in the neighbouring section (which still seems to be very "gay friendly", in fact I'm pretty sure my upstares neighbour (who I haven't officially met yet, it was a different one I referred to earlier) is gay). Anyway there's also going to be this huge "Pride" parade/event next month. And even though I'm not a big "Pride" person, I'm definitely going to go, it'll be fun and a great chance to meet people.
     
    -So today I finally went back to the GLBT center and this time they were open. So I gotta buncha info about meetings and groups and stuff, so I'll be attending those soon.
     
    -Me + no job + a million new places to shop = a BAD combination. LOL instead of unpacking I've literally been shopping every day since I've been here. Not just for clothes of course, but for like EVERYTHING you could think of around an apartment. It's been fun but I REALLY need to stop. So tomorrow I'm promising myself I won't even leave my apartment, I'll just stay and unpack all day!
     
    -I've also got a bunch of job interviews in the works. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, when you apply for "real jobs" the interview process takes much longer and you have to go through more phases, so I'll keep you guys posted.
     
    Okay so that's what's been going on with me. LOL sorry it went so long, you guys feel free to just skip it if you want.
     
    *************************
    On another note I want to sincerely thank everyone who left me comments or sent me a PM in my absense. Your support and kindness meant ALOT to me, and it made everything much easier for me knowing that I had you guys behind me.
     
    Specifically I want to give a and my warm wishes and prayers to Nick for a full and speedy recovery with his surgery.
     
    I also want to give Kitty a big and my best wishes and prayers that everything with her dad works out okay, and that is prognosis is good and hopeful
     
    I want to give a big congratulations to Anthony on the birth of his Niece!!
     
    A special thanks to Ben, David, Vance, and Viv (hehehe alphabetical order), for keeping me company and sane (and in general being the awesome (hehehe sorry David) people that they are!), these last few days when I've had time to get on MSN.
     
    Good luck to Rob with all the mess that's going on with his plumbing and everything else
     
    Anyway finally a BIG to EVERYONE else, and I'm sorry I haven't caught back up on what's been going on with everyone else yet, I've just been randomly reading blogs. But you're all super-awesome and teriffic!!
     
    All the best and have an amazing summer everyone!!
     
    Kevin
  4. AFriendlyFace
    Hey everyone!
     
    Well this could be a huge mistake, and there's every chance I won't last a day without compulsively checking for updates, but I've decided that I'd better take a break from GA. Finals start Monday the 8th and end Saturday the 13th (and I do have one on Saturday ), then my move is the following Monday (the 15th). So in that time I need to pack (oh boy do I need to pack :wacko: ), Study for finals, find a new job for when I get there (really stressing out about this!), and try to say goodbye to everyone.
     
    That's going to be the hardest part. Lately I've been getting alot of the "so are you having a going away party or something?", and one of my friends even offered to throw me one, but I'd have felt bad accepting the offer. I dunno, maybe I should have some sort of party or something. It's just that my apartment is a disaster area right now, I got in that bad frame of mind the logic of which is, "well you're moving soon, no point cleaning up twice" . Plus I have empty boxes everywhere in preparation for packing (I do have 3 packed boxes though! ). So I just don't think I want to have anything at my apartment. So I dunno maybe I could reserve a room in a restaurant or something. Or maybe have everyone go to the park for a big picnic (that sounds kinda fun!). But in all likelihood I'll probably just opt to do a series of individual goodbyes.
     
    Anyway my last day of work is the Monday finals start. Wow! I've been there THREE YEARS! Patrick is the only person who's been there longer. I know I've been literally counting the days (5 now) that I have left, but I'm still going to miss it. More importantly I'm going to miss my coworkers. Especially in the last year it seems like I've really gotten close with them all. They even fulfilled one of those, "I've always wanted that" moments in my life when they threw me a surprise birthday party last August (and I really was surprised!). Plus when you get down to it they're the primary people (with a couple of exceptions) that I spend time with AWAY from work. So yeah . But it's been nice, and my boss is being great about it, he could have kept me until the 13th (and I'd have been okay with that), but instead the 8th is my last day. And it was so nice, when I found out I could go on the 8th I was like, "oh so you're okay with me leaving on the 8th?", and he was like, "well I'd like you to stay here forever, but you've got to go sometime." So anyway at least I can leave with no regrets.
     
    I also got most of the address changing stuff taken care of (look I'm ending a sentence with a prepostion, oh well). I still need to actually do the forwarding address thing with the post office, but I can only think of two more actual businesses/organizations I need to notify.
     
    I had fun today though. I used my all time favourite stress relieving tactic: I went shopping! (yeah yeah, I am so gay ) I mean it only makes sense right? I'm about to move. I'm desperately trying to save up all the money I can. I need to get rid of all my extra junk.....so I go shopping . LOL brilliant idea. Spend too much money and get more stuff to haul across the country :king: . But it was really fun, and I do feel better. Besides I don't want to get to Houston looking like a pauper. Soooo, you guys wanna know what I got? . I bought 3 new pairs of jeans, 11 shirts, a pair of "flip flops" (they're like really cheap rubber sandals, I don't know about everywhere else, but they're quite popular here), a real pair of sandals, a pair of sneakers, and a new pair of regular "going out" shoes. Yeah, I spent WAY too much, but "new city, new look" . And I know 11 shirts sounds outrageous but one of them was actually a long-sleeve wintery looking shirt (so I won't be wearing that one for awhile), and then 5 of them were nice shirts I could wear to work (assuming I find a job ), and then the other 5 were Tee's.
     
    Anyway it was actually when I got home that I realized that I spend too much time on here. The first thing I wanted to do was get on and check around on the boards and blogs. When really I promised myself all day that I was only getting to go shopping because I was going to make myself write my resum
  5. AFriendlyFace
    I've had a teriffic last couple of days!
     
    I have this friend/coworker, Josh (completely different guy than the I Really Think Her Fiance' is Gay Josh), who plays the guitar and sings. Well anyway he'd gotten a "gig" (gosh, it's fun actually using that word in a story) to play at this club (straight club ), so anyway me and another friend/coworker, Patrick (who is gay) decided to go watch/listen etc. So anyway I was going to give Patrick a ride but he lives on the other side of these railroad tracks. Anyway while we were at his apartment the stupid (and VERY slow) train decided to pass. So we were actually late getting there. But we still caught most of his piece and then the 3 of us and Josh's girlfriend, Sandra hung out for awhile. So anyway then I took Patrick home. Well he's got like the coolest "community" feel to his apartment complex. They have this nifty little courtyard and stuff so several of his neighbours were just hanging out. Anyway we got to talking and they were all really fun, cool people. So I ended up spending the evening with them. Well over the course of the night I naturally decided to go to the bathroom. So I went in locked the door, conducted my business (yes that's right business can even be done in a bathroom! ), and tried to leave. Turns out the lock like broke while I was in there . So I ended up having to pound on the door until they heard. Of course they couldn't get the darn thing to open either. So in the end Patrick, or maybe his neighbour Erin (obviously I can't be sure since I was trapped on the otherside of the door), had to unscrew the whole doorknob.
     
    It was kind of funny but I felt like such a dope! I mean here I am a guest in someone's home and I ruin their door . So anyway I kept apologizing to Patrick, who felt awful that it happened at all and kept apologizing to me, Erin kept saying how surprised she was that I stayed so calm (why I'd freak out I can't imagine. I mean I had all the fresh water I could need, toilet facilities, and if I had to I coulda curled up in the tub for a nap so I was set), and his other two neighbours/friends just thought it was funny and got a kick out of it.
     
    It was a very fun evening though. Patrick was determined to get me drunk . I think he may have had ulterior movites actually . He hits on me a pretty good bit. The other day at work I was rather embarassed when I said casually in front of everyone, "I'm so hot" (it was a really warm day and the AC didn't seem to be making much of a dent in it), and he kinda giggled and looked at me and just said, "yes you are" . But at least it was something positive. I mean it would have sucked if instead, he said in a sarcastic voice "Really? I couldn't tell" or something like that. Anyway he finally succeeded in his efforts to get me inebriated (not that I hold my liquor particularly well, quite the opposite actually. I just wasn't drinking much), but I was still the soberest person so no worries . Oh and I played a really fun game of chess with Erin. The fun part was that the pieces looked very similar (either frosted glass or clear glass), and the lighting wasn't that great, so we kept mixing up each other's pieces. I lost one of my knights because I thought I had a bishop right there defending it, but it turned out to be her bishop. Then later I kept wanting to jump one of my own pieces, I swear I tried to do it at the beginning of my turn like 3 times in a row! LOL, and she just kept trying to move MY pieces! In the end I won though
     
    So anyway then yesterday evening I went out to eat with Josh and Sandra. Boy! It seemed as though we weren't fated to eat or something. We'd planned on going to this really cool sushi place that they'd been to before. It's on the top of this big museum and like all the walls are glass so it's got a really awesome view. Plus the food is supposed to be good. So I was like, "did you guys make reservations", but they said, "no, last time we walked right in and they sat us in no time"....this time was different . The place was packed and it would have been a 2 and half to 3 hour wait! So we decided to try this new sports bar that just opened. There's another restuarant of the same name that's a fixture near campus and they had just opened the new location, where supposedly the food was better. I think it was too, but unfortunately even there we had to wait an hour to get seated! Oddly enough though while we were waiting and chatting with the fellow patrons someone guessed where I was from based solely on the way I was speaking!! I was really shocked as I've always been told I don't sound like a local. Apparently it was the way I pronounced the "a" in "ya'll" . I actually wasn't very pleased, though I was impressed. But I'm not going to worry about it, I only ever even say "ya'll" when I'm around other southerners, and I'm betting I was even using more of an accent than I normally would have.
     
    Anyway the food was really good! Then we went back to their apartment and watched some comedy acts on TV (I never watch tv so the whole "tv experience" was slightly unfamilar and exciting ) AND to top it all off they gave me an entire cheesecake sampler! Long story short they found themselves with two which they'd gotten for free, and they only wanted one. So guess who's got cheesecake!
     
    Hehehe so this morning I actually had a piece for breakfast . Tonight I'm planning a nice quiet evening. Hopefully I'm going to get some moving stuff taken care of (I want to box up all my old books, movies, cds, and dvds, and maybe other random junk). And I'm definitely going to fix myself some leeks (my favourite right now!) for dinner. I also heard rumours that several of my favourite stories had been updated! So super yay!
     
    Have an awesome day everyone!
  6. AFriendlyFace
    Hey everyone!
     
    I read the Spring Anthology and all I can say is "WOW!" You can really see all the effort the authours put into making it a success! I don't think I could pick a favourite story if I had to! I just know that I feel much richer for having read them.
     
    It even inspired me to give this whole "Day Of Silence" thing a whirl. I'm actually counting it from the time I wake up on the 26th until the time I go to bed (which is a full day to me), thus I don't feel like I'm cheat by still posting stuff after midnight . But tomorrow (hopefully) you won't hear a peep out of me
     
    Anyway I was so impressed by the Spring Anthology that I wanted to do something to give the authours feedback and let them know what we all thought. So I created a thread for each one of the stories over at
     
    The Story Cafe
     
    So please go check it out and let the authours know what you thought about their work. I'm sure they put a lot of time and hard work into their writing and they deserve to know what we thought. Besides one of the primary purposes of this site is to discuss gay literature so to me this seems like a really important thing to do. Even if it's just to say "I read it and liked it", let them know
     
    Also you'll find a thread thanking Kitty for all her hardwork. Let's not forget that it takes quite a bit of time to compile everything as well as coming up with ideas for themes and conducting the polls! Not to mention the very attractive lay out of the whole thing! Her hard work and dedication should also not go unnoticed!
     

    So please go check out




     
    Click This --->The Story Cafe<--- Click This
     
    and let them know what you thought!
  7. AFriendlyFace

    A "Wordy" Entry

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Now I know what some of you might be thinking, "Oh goodness, this is going to be really long if he's actually admitting it's wordy in the title." However, you'd be wrong. Oh I'm not saying it won't be long, perhaps it will, but certainly no longer than my typical blog entry. No, this entry is in fact about Words.
     
    I love words! They're one of my all time favourite things to utter. The thing about words and expression though, is that if you look at their usual meaning versus their literal meaning an amusing disparity often arises. Take the example of the phrase "looking forward to".
     
    "Looking forward to" would logically simply mean thinking about a time in the future when the event in question is going to be taking place. However, in common parlance the meaning exclusively implies that this event will be good. I'm "looking forward to" getting paid, I'm "looking forward to" reading that next chapter! But surely not everything that one "looks forward to" is good. I mean I'm all in favour of positive thinking, but sometimes you can't help but think about something bad or unpleasant which is going to happen. Thus, why can't you be "looking forward" to your colonoscopy? Or perhaps you're on death row. "yes, I'm really quite looking forward to my execuction. In fact it's practically all I can think about!" Or perhaps you've ticked off someone big and nasty. "Oh no, he's going to give you an awful beating when he finds out." "yeah I know, I'm really looking forward to it."
     
    Then there's "the way". The prepositions you use with "the way"are of vital importance. No one wants to be "in the way", but it's not so bad to be "on your way". You can tell all sorts of interesting things "from the way" someone says something. Oh and "by the way" make sure to yield to the person who has the "right of way". Now what's that about anyway? I've always found it a little insulting. I mean say I'm on my way to the hospital, sure my way is of the utmost importance, yet some doik (my own word ) might be cruising around and still have "the right of way". . What a mysterious thing "the way" is! I guess the only way to tell what someone means is to listen to the way in which they say it.


    I was on my way to the store when suddenly I found myself in the way of a very large truck who had the right of way. From the way the tires screeched I knew I was going to be hit. By the way seatbelts save lives.
     
    Speaking of "finding myself" I must say that's got to be one of my favourite idioms! It sounds so joyous. Like you're having some sort of outer body experience and your essence flits into a new room only to discover your body! "ohhh I found myself!". Of course it doesn't have to be positive. Sometimes people "find themselves" in all sorts of cruddy situations. "Yes, I suddenly found myself with a broken arm", "well if you hadn't left yourself and gone gallivanting off perhaps your arm wouldn't have been broken!" I mean you've got to watch yourself . Of course "your self" rather sounds like a seperate entity altogether, still you, but not quite. That's why so many people talk to "themselves" (which I'm sure should be theirselves but who am I to quibble). And what if I say "yes, I did that myself", it sounds as though I'm addressing me. "Yes, I did that for you, my friend." "yes, I did that for you, my self" (probably took a pain pill for that arm ) And what if you're "by yourself"?? Does this happen in the moment after you "find yourself" and before you can "get yourself together". "Why yes, I was right by myself when it happened, I saw the whole thing, that bus with the right of way broke my self's arm."
     
    On the subject of idioms we mustn't forget "minding your business". EVERYONE has business these days. It doesn't matter who you are; you've got business! Six year olds have business. Their parents often remind them of it, "go and mind your business while daddy and I talk"...hmmm can you say child labour lawsuit? Of course everyone uses "their business" to try to make them look innocent. "I was just standing there, minding my own business, when the next thing I knew..." Why even my cats have business. I was cooking the other night (you know minding my own business ) when Timmy came in and started whining for scraps. So of course I said to him, "Timmy, you just go and mind your own business." Personally I think he and Lucky are in business together. I mean he's a nice cat, but he's kind of lacking in social skills. Lucky on the other hand! Now she's got the social skills, so I'm sure she handles all the P.R. for their business.
     
    Then there's the way in which we express states of being. I mean who among us hasn't been "in a hurry"? It's quite an image, I always imagine the afflicted person standing there, minding their own business of course, when all of a sudden this dreadful, whirling "hurry" comes out of nowhere and engulfs them. Yes, this person is now "in a hurry". This can be a very powerful and physical experience (one it seems few people look forward to). The person's face may become flushed, their brow furrowed and sweaty, sentences take on an urgent, choppy nature. Alas, this tragic happenstance can occur at anytime. Why you might just be casually checking your watch when the next thing you know .....BAM! you discover you're in a hurry. Now often times people will try to help the person that's become ensnared in the hurry. They may urge them to fight it and "take it easy", or "calm down". This is never appreciated by the person in the hurry. No, once someone "finds themselves" in a hurry the best thing you can do is step back and let it spin itself out, lest you too get sucked in too.
     
    Sleeping is another thing for which people need auxiliary words in order to express. For instance people fall asleep. They never "fall a rest" though. "My you look relaxed." , "yep, fell a rest." Of course being "asleep" is a contradiction in terms. The prefix "a" means "without", as in "amoral" or "asymmetrical". So it seems like if you were "asleep" you'd be wide awake. "awake"?? HUH? To be wakeful is to be alert and conscious, to be without wake must mean....well to be asleep. :wacko: "I was so tired last night I "fell awake" only to be "aslept" by the alarm this morning....I hit snooze and the next thing I knew I was in a hurry."
     
    Which brings us to another case in point (see I have this point, I'm as shocked as you are, and this is a "case" which fits nicely into my point ). The words for which you know the meanings and thus naturally assume, also knowing the way in which the English language works, that you can form completely new, logical words. But you can't! Take "disgruntled" for instance. That is indeed a fun word! It makes sense too, a "gruntle" sounds like something you'd make when pleased. It's guttural, it sounds like it could be quite pleasant. So I'm sure it's quite a shame when you find yourself with bad gruntles, when in fact you become "disgruntled". Funny though, no matter how pleased you are you just can't go around saying, "gosh! I'm just so 'eugruntled' " Several years ago I was having a conversation with a friend.
     


    Matt: "what's wrong, Kevin?"
    Me: "nothing why?"
    Matt: "I dunno, you just seem disgruntled"
    Me: "no, my gruntles are perfectly well thanks."
     
    "Dis", that's an interesting little prefix. It's a clever thing. It's joined ranks with the likes of "sub"; it's become a word in it's own right. Nowadays in colloquial speech it's nothing to hear someone offer the admonition, "Don't 'dis' me!". It even makes sense, "dis" is bad, to "dis someone" would be to send bad their way (notice the sneaky and pervasive little way creeping back into the conversation) Yet again you can't just go with your gut interpretation in every case. You'd think if I became a nasty, disrespectful (my respect having become bad), malevolent member of GA well then surely I'd have become "dismembered" .....Hmmm I guess it really depends on whom I'm nasty and disrespectful towards
  8. AFriendlyFace
    So a little while ago I was taking this personality/interests test online. See a couple of weeks ago (before my epiphany in church ) when I went to see the 2nd counselor she told me I should take this test to better gage my interests, THEN I actually figured out what I wanted to do without taking the test. So not actually having any good reason to take the test I hadn't gotten around to it. But I did pay a fee to sign up for it and I actually kinda like taking tests like that so I figured, "why not?". Anyway I need to go back and talk to them about what I'll need to do to become qualified and find a job in counseling/social work. SOOO I figured I'd might as well take the test so that we could discuss it if they wanted to.
     
    Well I'm taking the test and it gets to a section which asks me to evaluate how interested I am in performing various activities. So I'm going along answering, when I come to a very odd activity, "making risky comittments" Now of course I indicated that I "strongly disliked" making risky comittments, but it made me stop and laugh uproariously for several minutes (which probably sounds like a big deal but it isn't, I'm kinda a laughy sorta person anyway, and I was already giggling my head off as I imagined myself doing the various things the test was enquiring after ). But it really struck me, who on earth would actually mark, "yes, I strongly like making risky comittments". "Promising to do things there's absolutely every possibility I'll never do, raising people's hopes when, hey it just might not happen, all around being a constant let down to myself and everyone I interact with...Yep, I love to do that!" I began to wonder what exactly they would suggest I do as a career if this were indeed one of my interests? "ohhh, you like to let people down I see. Well we've got just the job for you! Hmmm they'd probably get me a job making those recording you hear when you call technical support, "you're call is very important to us and please rest assured that we'll be with you momentarily." Yep after waiting an hour and then finding out there's nothing the tech. can do to help most people tend to be pretty dispirited.
     
    I imagine I'd run into people occasionally in the supermarket and after a polite "hi", get back, "Hey, aren't you the voice that tells me someone will be right with me to help troubleshoot my beyond repair computer?", "Why yes I am, and I've got more bad news for you: this is the last carton of milk, but don't worry the cows are working diligently even as we speak, and if you stand here for a couple of hours someone may come by to restock the shelves."
     
    **********
     
    In other news I've had/and will have an interesting next couple of days. Yesterday was fun, due to the shuffled schedules at work for Spring break I had to work with Kim. This of course wasn't the "highlight", but actually it was fine, we're at that nice stage where we're politely disinterested in each other and even overly formal to avoid setting the other off. Polite and overly formal? Believe me growing up in preppy private schools I'm fully comfortable in this arena. There was even a nice bit of gossip throw in (another hallmark ), when Coressa told me privately that Kim was pregnant and attempting to hide it from our employer (for silly, not practical reasons).
     
    Anyway it was nice working with Coressa again. We had so much fun we ended up making plans to go eat boiled crawfish (A southern Louisiana tradition and MMMMMmmm) that evening. It was great, we went and picked them up at a local grocery she knew of which served excellent ones. I happened to be the only white guy there and I got the impression people were regarding us as an interracial couple, but I was actually pretty comfortable with that. I immediately thought it was only fair since often minorities are the only ones of their race present. Besides I love being exposed to new cultures etc. And everyone was very nice. Anyway it was alot of fun and afterwards we went to a park near my apartment and I got her "life story" . Then I took her back to my place to introduce her to Lucky and Timmy, and shockingly Timmy was actually very gregarious (Lucky's always a doll). The only unfortunate incident occured when I was holding Lucky and Coressa mistakenly turned on the garbage disposal while looking for the light switch . My chest is a little worse for wear but I'll cope. Anyway in the course of things she expressed an interest in learning to drive a standard, so I took her to the now mostly empty parking lot at work and taught her. She caught on really quickly!
     
    So after that I took her home and went and visited Mandi for a bit. We got some ice cream then she showed me how to bake some sort of pumpkin cake rolls. She quite likes to bake and was happy to have the company, I of course have no experence with baking (though I love regular cooking) so I was happy to be exposed to something new (well newish, she's exposed me to baking a couple of other times).
     
    So today I slept in and awoke to a phone call from my mom, which contained unfortunate news . My grandfather was climbing on something and fell, landing on a rather unyielding block of wood. He's mostly okay, but does have FIVE broken ribs . I'm just such a mess whenever he, my grandmother, or my mom are sick/hurt. . Anyway it's just really scary, I mean he's almost 85 and.... Well anyway he's the "dad figure" in my life.
     
    But on the bright side I'm meeting my mother tomorrow in a city midway between our two homes and we're traveling to see my other grandmother and aunt. It's basically a combined "Easter visit" and "going away visit". I probably won't see either of them again before I move...or for quite awhile afterwards. It may seem odd that my mom wants to go, but she's always been close with her former mother and sister-in-laws. That and it's a good 3 or 4 hour drive so I'll be happy to have the company, not to mention the navigational skills. I've gotten much better of late, but I'm still not sure I could find my grandmother's home completely on my own (well I guess I could but not without a good map and detailed directions).
     
    Anyway after the visit we'll be driving back and I'll just stay the night with my mom and grandparents, then spend Easter with them. Of course I'll be very happy to see my grandfather and make sure he's okay, talk to him, sympathise etc. . But on the down side I really do hate to sleep away from home (my own apartment I mean). I never minded sleeping away from home before I moved out, but after I got my own place, filled with all my things in just the places I wanted them, I found that I wasn't eager to have to try to pack all the stuff I require and make do with other accommodations. I'm one of those people who believes you should back two outfits and a couple of pairs of shoes for every day you'll be away. I also have quite a few bath, bedtime, and morning accessories and undoubtedly I'll forget my cucumber bath scrub, or my moisturizing/SPF containing face wash.....yeah yeah I know what you're thinking, but hey I'm gay so it only makes sense right? Anyway I guess I'll just "rough it". I'm really not a big queen though, I like sports and outdoorsy stuff, heck I even do some of my own plumbing and other DIY-ing. I just like to come home and clean up nice.
     
    Anyway I'll be away until after Easter, so I hope you all have a fantastic time and spend it with the people you love. Take care and I want you all to have a smile on your lips and a song in your hearts. Pleaseeeeeee
     
    ....seriously you guys better be smiling Darnit!
  9. AFriendlyFace
    Ok so let's see. Here's a quick recap of what happened over the Easter holidays.
     
    My mom and I went and visited my grandmother and aunt (dad's side of the family). My grandmother decided to give me my graduation present early. Yay! It was a check and it'll really help assuage my financial stress with the move.
     
    Then I found out that my cousin had written this nice little article about romantic love which had gotten accepted and was being circulated in papers all over the country. So I thought that was really nice! (This isn't the cousin I'm closer with and whose sexuality I have wondered about . Actually I don't think she'd ever write an article like that . A few years ago we were sitting in the car on the way the mall and this nice little love song came on, and I was like, "awww isn't this a great song!?" and she was like, "well it's nice but completely unrealistic." "what do you mean", I ask. "well" she resonds, "there's just so many other things out there more important than love." **me giving her a sad/shocked look**, "what? you don't really believe all that do you?" she askes, "I mean love's fine, but I'll take fame and fortunate any day" ) Well anyway at least one of my cousins is romantic and happily married. I also found out that she'd been having trouble conceiving, but they'd discovered a cyst in her uterus and removed it, and they're pretty sure that was the culprit.
     
    So on the way home my mom and I stopped at a casino. It was pretty fun. We both ended up winning a bit, I was way up until right at the end when I lost a bit , but at least I still left ahead. I'm actually really looking forward to moving to a state that doesn't have gambling. I've pretty much kicked the habit -- I only go when other people want to now -- but it'll be nice to just not have the temptation at all.
     
    Anyway as for my main grandparents (...well that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean). My grandfather's still very sore from the ribs, but he refuses to let it slow him down much. So he's still out in his garden etc. every day. Which I guess is nice, but on the other hand it seems to be keeping him achy longer, and may be slowing his recovery. Meanwhile my grandmother's Alzheimer's is getting worse . After we got home that day (Saturday) she asked my 3 times (within the span of 40 min. ) If I wanted to go to church with her the next morning. Each time I said yes. The next day I woke up to discover she'd gone without me. She said she wasn't sure if I wanted to go. (I ended up going that evening after I'd gotten home).
     
    ******************
    So anyway today was an interesting little day. I woke up certain I was going to skip class, in fact I even got up to go to the bathroom intending to go back to bed. But then I realized I wasn't that tired, and if I hurried I could still make it. Plus I realized today would probably be the day we'd find out our scores from the last test. And it was. I made a really high B. So now all I have to do to pass that class with a C (which is the minimum passing grade for this class), is get a 46% on the final. So I can breath much easier now. Not getting a C in this class was the only possible way I wouldn't graduate. So I'm in complete coast mode now (hence the skipping )
     
    Work was interesting. On two seperate occasions someone came up behind me and grabbed my hips. First Stacey, then a couple of hours later Patrick. LOL I guess I should wear that pair of (snug) pants more often . Of course I'm sure it would have bothered some people, but given my flirtatious relationship with both of them it wasn't really inappropriate, more playful. LOL I thought it was a pretty big coincedence though. Believe it or not I go weeks at work sometimes without anyone grabbing my hips, then lo and behold twice in one day .
     
    So anyway then I got home and was just setting in for a nice quiet evening when the power went out . So I called the electricity company and found out it would take about 2 hours to restore. So I decided to go out to dinner, and elected to walk since I was in an energetic mood (It was probably only about 5 or 6 miles round trip anyway). I'd called my friend Mandi to see if she wanted to come with me, but she was eating at the time. I couldn't hear her too well on the phone, but I think she said she was eating with Joe, her long distance boyfriend who'd come to stay for Easter, but should have been home by today! So I guess I'll get the scoop on that later lol.
     
    So anyway I get to the restaurant and the hostess takes me to this table, but the busboy is in the process of bending over it, clearing everything away. So the hostess says, "Oh Jeremy, I thought you'd finished that already" then she turns to me and says, "Sorry, it'll just be a second". Now the thing about Jeremy is, Jeremy is well-built. Now the thing about me is...well you guys know the thing about me . So anyway I really didn't mind waiting on Jeremy at all . So anyway when he's done she seats me and hands me a menu and says, "Cody will be right with you to take care of you." So of course I'm thinking, "Why can't Jeremy take care of me?" ....well at least that what I was thinking until I met Cody .
     
    So Cody was really cute! He had these really pretty blue eyes. Speaking of his blue eyes they kept making a good bit of eye contact with my own blue eyes. Not only that but I swear I saw him looking me over a few times. Not to mention smiling, there was lots of smiling on both our parts. So I dunno, I was actually thinking he may have been gay. Plus he was pretty willing to engage in conversation with me and we both seemed disappointed when he kept having to get back to work. And you know how sometimes if you're interested in someone you have trouble thinking of what to say to them? Well I talk too much so I don't usually have that problem , but anyway I still had lots of things left to say to him that I never got around to saying. But anyway I'd just finished my first drink, a mudslide, and decided it was so good I'd have a 2nd (hey I was walking after all! ). So anyway he was saying, "yeah, it looks so good I want to get one now." so I was like, "Oh, have you tried them?" and he responded, "not from here." So I really wanted to say, "well I'd be happy to buy you one." (or maybe something a little more subtle like, "well they're so good I insist you try one" ) But I figured that was way too forward, plus I was only thinking he was gay, no real "proof", I mean heck it may have just been good customer service . So I just said something like, "yeah they're really awesome, you ought to try one." . I dunno, I'm guessing he probably wouldn't have been allowed to drink on duty anyway. And is it really okay to hit on your waiter? I mean isn't that really rude or something? **Sigh** but it was a fun dinner.
     
    So anyway I got home and my lights were back and now I'm doing some laundry.
     
    Take care and have an awesome day everyone!
    Kevin
  10. AFriendlyFace

    I Believe...

    By AFriendlyFace,

    I'm scared.
     
    It was bound to happen soon and now it did. Basically I just realized (well just felt) that in slightly over a month I'll be moving to a new city. Hundreds of miles from anyone I know. I won't have (or at least don't yet have) a job. I'll be all but broke having payed for the move and the first month's bills and deposits. And I won't even have an officially structured way to meet new people (like school, or work....well until I find a job).
     
    A little under two years ago my truck suddenly gave out on me. It wouldn't have been economical to have it repaired, so I had to find a new one. My mom and grandfather found me a good deal on this truck in my home town. It had everything I wanted, was only a couple of years old with under 25,000 miles, and it was in my price range. There was just one problem; it was a standard. I'd never even been behind the wheel of one before. But I didn't have time to keep shopping around and it was definitely the best deal. So I took it. I got behind the wheel and, having gotten extensive instruction from several of my stick-driving friends, and with my grandfather sitting in the passenger seat talking me through it; I confidently drove it off the lot without even killing it. Of course I then got stuck at a stop sign on the way home and COULD NOT get it to go, but that's okay. I practiced for awhile and then drove the sucker 70+ miles back home. Nevermind that when I got it home it took me 5 tries to park without dying before I could get in, or, alternatively, rolling back out of the space; I did it. I just went into the situation and handled it.
     
    I haven't really failed that often. Offhand I can't think of anything that's really mattered that I've really tried at and failed. I make mistakes, I have to try harder, revise my game plan, whatever, but if I really try I usually get it right in the end. When I was a kid I internalized most of those silly aphorisms you hear growing up. All that, "you can be anything you set your mind to" and I really bought the whole "happy ending" thing. I mean I know bad things happen. I know that some people are just mean and hateful, even evil perhaps. And yet I choose to believe that everyone I meet does have something good in them, some redeeming qualities. So far I haven't met anyone I'd say was completely devoid (or even somewhat devoid) of goodness.
     
    I believe life's a great big self-fulfilling prophecy....And I believe in happy endings
     
    I am naive, a little out of touch with reality, and probably unrealistically hopeful; and I'll have you know that's taken quite a bit of work to maintain and, at times, reacquire. I believe in life. I believe in happy endings. And I believe in myself.
     
    So I'll move to a new city. I'll be broke. I'll fall in love with someone and get hurt. I'll make new friends and I'll lose some of them. I'll be rejected. I'll be lonely. I'll be stressed out and worn down. I'll regret moving in the first place...
     
    ...And I'll live.
  11. AFriendlyFace
    So today was totally amazing!
     
    I had work, which was pretty much uneventful. Then as I was about to leave, Amber came in for her shift. I hadn't seen her in about 3 weeks. See she basically transferred to our other location, but was filling in for someone. Well I pretty much had felt like it was all for the best, that she'd made it more or less clear she wasn't interested in being close friends anymore, and that I (and she) was better off. Then I saw her. I had a reaction which rather took me off guard. I really wanted to just run up to her and hug her. It's like as soon as I saw her alarms started going off in my head "It's your friend! ". Well I didn't run up and hug her, because I figured that was a bit extreme and I didn't know how she'd react. But she did seem happy to see me as well, and we had a nice chat, I stayed for awhile after my shift ended so we could catch up. It was nice.
     
    Anyway then the afternoon/evening got really good. I went for a run/walk. My grandpa recently gave me this little radio thing that clips onto your belt w/ headphones. Anyway it was nice, I had music for once. And I think it actually motivated me to run further and more. So then I was going to go swimming (if you can call it that ), but it turned out the pool was closed for Martin Luther King day. SO instead I did something I've always wanted to do. I walked to campus, and then climbed around......sounds weird I know, but there's all sorts of nifty things to climb/walk on. Walls, that can easily be scaled; LOTS of curbs to walk on, and I must say the two highlights were a parking garage wall and this funky fence. I'll explain: see the parking garage wall just pretty much loops around (like all parking garage walls) at a slight angle, and gets higher and higher, but it's easy to get onto it because there's a little metal rail (probably for people to hold onto if they're actually walking, which I don't know why they would be, but anyway....) I could climb onto the rail and then reach the wall. So I had a great time doing that, it wasn't that narrow about the width of one of my feet (with shoes), and I'd been climbing around like that all evening so I wasn't too worried about falling. Still when I'd gotten up to about the second story I decided I should get down since I really could theoretically kill myself if I fell off the tall side.
     
    Then I realized something. Pretty much the ONLY memory I have of being with both my parents at once (for more than an hour or so), was this one time, about a week, when I can remember my mom and dad BOTH being there and taking me all around the town, and the bigger city nearby, and we went to all the parks and stuff, and I climbed the trees, while my dad stayed right there to make sure I didn't fall or catch me if I did. I'm guessing that's why not only have I never been afraid of heights, but actually always had an affinity for them. Looking back I'm really not sure WHY they were together then. I mean I must have been about 5 maybe 6, and they devorced when I was 2. I don't even know why my dad was in the state (.....well I'm guessing to visit ME as well as his mom and sister who live a few hours away). I even recall thinking "hmm, I wonder if they're going to get back together?".....Now before anyone starts thinking how sad or tramatic it must have been when they didn't, don't. Even then I don't think I cared much. And I've always said I'm glad my parents split up because I really liked my childhood and wouldn't have wanted it any different. and I KNOW that at the time if I'd realized that them getting back together would have meant moving away from my grandparents and aunt and cousin, I wouldn't have wanted it. It's just funny that I can remember that little event. Wait actually now that I really think about it, I think maybe it was because that's about the time my dad's second marriage ended, and I seem to remember my mom was kinda supportive when that happened, I know years later she told me he called and talked about it with her as soon as they knew they were splitting up. So maybe that's it. Anyway back to the story.
     
    Nest I found this awesome fence! It was about three feet off the ground. It was all metal and consisted of this square post, about 5'' by 5'' which was attached to this little 2'' wide bar (flat), and it went about 4 or 5 feet, then there was another post where it ended, BUT there were about 30 or so of these all in a line with a little 3 to 4 foot gap between them (I have no idea what purpose they served, but I'm guessing they're purely ornamental). So it was really fun trying to walk along the little 2'' wide bar, then when I got to the end, I'd jump to the next fence and repeat the process. I never missed a jump, but I kept having to jump off the bar (or I'd have fallen). I got to where I did about 3 in a row though, so I thought that was pretty good.
     
    Another challenging thing was this little black bar, fence thing they had. It was only about a foot off the ground and ran along the street, in front of the parking spaces, I'm pretty sure it was just to keep people from driving too far or going off the road and completely and driving into a building or something. Anyway that was definitely the hardest thing to walk on, it was about 3''wide, but it was completely round and very slick, I pretty much sucked at it! But I had fun.
     
    I'm also guessing a gave people a good show. The parking garage was in the center of campus and completely empty, but the fences were only about 20 feet from the main road which runs through campus, and it was still rather busy. LOL guess I gave the drivers something interesting to look at as they passed .
     
    It was a great walk too, and a very pleasent evening (mid to high 60s). Plus I had that cd player with me the whole time so I had something fun to listen too. I listened to a cd I hadn't played in awhile. All together I'd say I walked about 6 or 7 miles round trip, from my apartment to/through campus and back. At one point I saw this really cool, high wall set up with ropes hanging off the ceiling to use to scale it. So I almost went over and gave it a try....then I realized I'd accidently "snuck" into the ROTC training area. So I figured I'd better get out of there before I got arrested for espionage or something. So I just climbed a quick tree on the way home, and off I went.
     
    I realized how much fun it would have been if I had a boyfriend to do that stuff with.....then I got to thinking how much I'd like to kick around a soccer ball, and find a jungle gym to play in, and of course someone to go swimming with, and ice skating, and on and on....then I realized something: maybe it's not so much a boyfriend I need as a playmate . On the other hand though I definitely want to do all the romantic stuff, and just in general have someone great to cuddle and "connect" with; someone to love .....and of course I'd like to take some of the games to the bedroom too . So I do need a boyfriend.....I think I just need a fun, energetic, "sporty" boyfriend.
     
    Anyway take care everyone and have an awesome day! Oh yeah it's my first day of the spring semester tomorrow! Wish me luck!
     
    Kevin
  12. AFriendlyFace
    So I was just in one of those reminiscent moods this evening and I got to thinking of all the funny little moments in my life over the last year or so. SO for your reading pleasure, and in the spirit of my reminiscing, I'll recount a few.
     
    **************************************************
    Setting and background: Me, Kim and a couple of other co-workers were all at work and somehow the conversation turned to underwear.
     
    Kim: "My pants are so lose, I wish I'd worn some cuter underwear today, just in case . I bought several really cute ones pairs the other day. One had "thrill me" written across the back. Another "love me" and the third pair had "tease me" on them"
    Me: "Don't worry Kim, I'm sure if your pants fall off people will tease you anyway."
    ***************************************************
     
    Setting and background: Again we're at work, this time it's me, Amber, and Scott.
     
    Amber: "Did you guys see that girl? She had the exact haircut I want to get."
    Me: "Which girl?"
    Amber: "The one that was just in here, Scott was flirting with her."
    Me: " *laughs* like that narrows it down."
     
    ***************************************************
     
    Setting and background: I'm hanging out with a friend of mine at her apartment. She's just taken a temporary job for the holidays working in a department store, and she's showing me photos she took with her phone.
     
    Amanda: "So that's what the place looks like, oh and this is one of my co-workers, she's a wrapper"
    Me: **very confused ** "That preppy looking white girl is a rapper?!?"
     
    **************************************************
     
    Setting and background: I'm at work and handling hot pans when I accidently touch one against my stomach.
     
    Amber: "Oh no are you ok?"
    Me: "huh?" **Noticing** "Oh yeah, wow, didn't even notice, it didn't hurt at all."
    Amber: "whew, must have been all that padding (I'm wearing 2 shirts and an apron)"
    Me: " I really wish you'd rephrase that"
     
    **************************************************
    Setting and background: Again I'm at work (can you tell I work too much?), and we're trying to remove an ugly, sticky stain from something. We had another co-worker who was REALLY obsessed with chemistry. You could be talking about anything and he'd tie it into chemistry somehow.
     
    Lauren: **sigh** "If only Ruston were here he could whip us up a solvent that would take that right out"
     
    **************************************************
    Setting and background: I'm with my mom and she's telling someone about the new car she just bought, a Ford Focus.
     
    Friend: "what kind of car is it?"
    Mom: "it's a..uhh, oh shoot I can't remember the name now"
    Me: "Focus"
    Mom: "I'm trying"
    *************************************************
     
    Setting and background: This actually took place about 2 years ago. My cousin had just finished telling us all a very sad story about a friend she had, who'd fallen into the tragic pattern of "cutting" or self-mutilation, and had to be hospitalized as a result.
     
    Grandmother: "Hmm, I just can't understand it. I'm one of the last people I'd want to mutilate."
    Everyone else:
     
    *************************************************
    Setting and background: I was sitting in my Latin class last summer, and our professor was going over last night's assignment. Suddenly he became distracted.
     
    Professor: **Squinting and trying to read one of the girl's shirts** "what's your shirt say, and what's the arrow for?"
    Girl: **very embarrassed and laughing** "It says "I'm up here pervert" "
     
    **************************************************
    Setting and background: This final one actually took place about 5 years ago, but it's definitely one of the worst incidences of bad timing I've ever experienced. I was in my high school speech class, and we'd just drawn our topics for the final speeches we had to give.
     
    Speech Teacher: "now remember everyone, I don't care if you guys swap topics, as long as SOMEONE does a speech on each of the topics."
     
    Me: "what did you get Philip?"
    Philip: "I have to give a speech about drug use among teenagers"
    Lacy: "I'm giving mine on premarital sex."
    Me: "eughh, I hate mine. It's about politics, I can't stand talking about politics."
    ***At this moment our Religion teacher walks in. I think I was one of her favorite students, and as well as telling the speech teacher something, she was there to let me know that I'd made an A on her final**
    Me: **turning to Lacy, without noticing the religion teacher walk in** "Hey Lacy, can I have your premarital sex?"
    R. Techer: "Kevin!!"
    Me: "No wait you don't understand!"
    R. Teacher: **walking out** "I don't want to hear it."
     
    I guess it coulda been worse, Philip could have been the one with the premarital sex ....I was so hot for him that year anyway!
  13. AFriendlyFace
    So I really am an optimist. I mean I pretty much knew that anyway but I suddenly realized how definite it was the other day. See I've been eating alot of grits lately! I love grits! I'm on quite a grit kick. Anyway this is great except I only had three glass bowls, So I pretty much had to wash them often by hand to keep from running out. Which isn't so bad really, I mean I don't mind washing dishes that much; in fact it's one of my favourite "mindless tasks", but still it does get old ya know? So anyway the other day I'm walking into my kitchen with an empty bowl (having just consumed some grits ) while talking on my cell phone. Anyway basically I was trying to carry too many things while being distracted with the conversation and as fate would have it I dropped the bowl. It did of course fall to my kitchen floor (yeah I really shoulda invested in one of those new anti-gravity bowls but hindsight is 20/20 ) and shatter into quite a few small pieces. SO naturally I tell my phone friend I'll have to call back after I clean up the mess. So I get down on my hands and knees and start cleaning up and the first thought that pops into my head is: "well hey! Now you don't have to wash it! " And I wasn't being sarcastic or purposely trying to look on the bright side, it's just what naturally occured to me. Then of course I realized how absurd that really was, I mean if I was that set on not washing it I could have just thrown it away anyway! But the fact remains it was a pretty "optimistic" thing to think.
     
    Then yesterday I woke up, stretched, and the first words out of my mouth were: "ahhh! Life is good!". So this leads me to the inescapable conclusion that I probably am an optimist. Which is great, but of course being the horribly over-analytical type I have to go and question it. Like for example, does this mean I'd be well suited to deal with something awful happening? Or am I simply happy right now because everything's fine? I mean if I suddenly got cancer, or lost an arm in a freak accident...would I stay optimistic about it or would I become depressed? I mean I can't really see myself saying "well gee, less fingernails to clip!". Or what if something else awful happened? Some other random, bad event. Will I weather it ok? In a weird sort of way I feel like I'm obliged to. I mean it doesn't seem fair for me to go whinging on about my problems when I at least used to be happy. I know that doesn't make sense...It's hard to explain what I mean.
     
    Last year for my birthday a couple of my coworkers were going to take me out for dinner. So I showed up at the designated apartment and walked in and..."SURPRISE!" They'd thrown me a surprise party! And I was! Completely surprised, and absolutely thrilled. Everyone was all dressed up, and they had cards and everything, and gifts, and they'd made this awesome chocolate brownie cake, which we ate first before going to dinner, because I always say "life's more fun when you have desert first!", anyway it was just awesome. So on the way to the restuarant I just blurt out "this is so awesome, now I can die happy!", and I mean to darnit! I mean no matter how cruddy things might get I really think I should be able to look back on that one special birthday where all my friends made such an effort and "die happy". I mean not just that one day but all sorts of nice things that have happened to me. It seems like having experienced those things I have no right to be gloomy. This is why I always feel "guilty" when I'm in a bad mood. I have no "right" to be in a bad mood.
     
    Anyway I think it's partly about "the meaning of life". I mean what makes life worthwhile? A few months ago I went for a walk and passed this store I'd never been in. I mean it was just an office depot, and I've been in several of those before, but I'd never been in that one, anyway I went in and looked around, I don't think I even bought anything, but just walking through it I suddenly thought: "there's some value in this experience". I mean it wasn't a "good" experience, it wasn't a "bad" experience, it was just me seeing something I'd never seen before. Somehow I think there is value in all experiences. Even the bad ones. I mean on days when I'm sick or just down in general...there's still some value there. It still seems like I'm somehow better/wiser/deeper/more learned for having experienced it. It sorta seems that way with everything. It's almost like it's worth eating something I find really nasty (and there actually aren't that many foods I don't like) just so that I can say I've had the "experience" of trying them. I think I'm an "experience whore". That's why I like doing new things in general, even if they don't really sound "fun" per se. It's Like the time I went on vacation with a friend of mine and his family in high school and he accidently locked his keys and cell phone in his truck, and he couldn't call anyone in his family because he only had the numbers in his cell phone. So we had to walk like 5 miles back to the condo in the heat (and dark by the time we got there). I mean my feet hurt (I wasn't in "walking shoes") and I was hot and tired, but it still seems like there's some sort of "value" in that experience (well besides being able to hang it over his head from time to time ).
     
    Knowledge and learning seem to have some intrinsic value too. I mean just random, pointless information. Like: "All gondolas in Venice, Italy must be painted black, unless they belong to a high official." I don't need to know that, but there seems to be some value in knowing nevertheless. Perhaps that's why I want to learn Spanish; even if I never really "use" it, it'll still be valuable just to "know" it. I think that's why I'm not very hard on most books or movies, it seems to me there's some sort of value in reading a lousy book or watching a terrible movie. I dunno maybe it just makes you appreciate the other movies and books more. Maybe it's just that it's so bad it's funny (and I really do laugh at badly written book or poorly done movies). I mean I definitely do get some sort of entertainment from them anyway.
     
    Of course there are some movies and books I don't like. But I wouldn't even say those are "bad" at least not objectively. I just don't like them. Like I don't like war movies or movies about natural disasters as a general rule of thumb. I mean even if they are "poignant" and the acting is really great, and even if I can appreciate the situation or whatever; I still don't like them. I don't like Hemmingway's work for example, I think he's too "choppy" and all around writes about stuff I'm not particularly interested in (especially as delivered in his style), but I can't really argue that he's a "bad" writer, clearly his isn't. So is there some value in experiencing these things as well? Undoubtedly
     
    Anyway I hope this post wasn't too boring for everyone. I know it wasn't really "about" anything concrete. Well have an awesome day everyone and take care! (and experience as much as you can! :pickaxe: )
     
    Kevin
  14. AFriendlyFace
    "Sleep With Myself"


    by Prozzak

     

    Ya I'll dance with you for a while

    But I'm not going to take you home

     

    I don't even know you last name

    Let me explain

     

    Been around the world a thousand times

    Been swept away on distant shores

    Bedded down with angels

    Drank their wine

    And always the conclusion is the same

    Making love is always grand

    But eventually

    Love ends a losing game

    So let's leave it alone

    I'm going home

     

    People think celibacy's a crime

    Not saying I won't love again

    But couldn't we just talk for a while

     

    And modern girls (and boys)

    Got one thing in their head

    Before you down your second drink

    You're in the cab

    And then you're in her(/his) bed

    So let's hold off on the sex play

    I don't even know your last name

     

    I'd rather sleep with myself tonight

    Where no one else can harm me baby no

    Oh Oh

    Although I'm really quite fond of you

    My best intentions never turn out right

    I'd rather sleep with myself tonight

     
    Ok so I'm going to do something selfish, and downright disgusting. Something I'd find completely off putting in other people. So unless you're okay with that you might want to stop reading now.
     
    What is this dreadful thing? Bragging of course. Now I suppose I shouldn't. I mean it's very unattractive. On the other hand, this is a place for my feelings and I'm feeling good about myself. So why not? Besides psychologically speaking a little ego boost from time to time is healthy. (you guys just stop me if I make it a habit)
     
    I'll just be honest. I feel really HOT and sexy right now. I just spent the last 4 hours in the bathroom. I took an incredibly long, hot, bubble bath; well technically 4 really long, hot, bubble baths...lol not my fault the water didn't want to stay really hot . I shaved (face as well as chest, stomach, etc.), I moisturized, I loofahed, I pumiced (can I make that a verb? Well I'm gonna ), all the while listening to music and singing rather loudly. Then I straightened my hair. I'd bought this chemical kit thing. Yuck it smelled awful , but it does seem to have worked rather well, and my hair doesn't feel fried. It did change colour though! It said it was safe for colour treated hair, but somehow the stuff must have reacted with the red or something. I went from a wavy redhead to a straight yellowy blonde. Which really I'm quite pleased with. It's a colour I might have chosen anyway, so hey two birds, one stone
     
    Anyway I just feel so great now! I'm all smooth and stuff And I have to say my face looks really clear and radiant. And my body? WHOA. hehehe. It's great! Pretty much since my teens I've thought "ya know the "perfect" age is like 22." I'd been looking forward to it for quite awhile; I always expected to be in my "prime" then. I mean it's old enough to be legal for everything and fully independent, but it's young enough to still look great and be full of energy. And I think this year lived up to its expectation
     
    Of course feeling sexy and good about yourself can be a sure recipe for wanting someone. And I do. But I'm certainly not going to start a relationship with less than 2 months before I move hundreds of miles. And I definitely don't want a fling (heck I'd rather sleep with myself :king: ), besides I don't need anyone (right now) anyway. I want someone, but I don't need them, not for the next couple of months anyway. LOL to get sassy for a bit, "I don't need no man to define me!".
     
    While I'm at it I think I'll finally put on paper (electronic paper mind you) the two things about unsuccessful relationships that I've always promised myself:
     
    1)I will not stay with someone cheats on me.
    2)I will not stay with someone who's physically or verbally abusive.
     
    I can do better! So I'm going to hold myself to that, and if I ever write about a relationship in this blog, and things go wrong in it. I hope someone will point this out to me.
     
    So who did I "fix myself up" for? ME LOL and besides just because I'm not "on the market" doesn't mean I object to people trying to "price" me.....okay that analogy really did make me sound like a prostitute. So instead I'll quote another (rather irritating, pop) song to get my point across:



    "If you got it, flaunt it,

    boy I know you want it"

     

    Check on it ~ Beyonce



     
    On a side note, someone from work was having a party tonight, and I said I might drop by for a bit. However, I hardly know the guy, and what I do know is that everyone will be drinking an insane amount of liquor and acting foolish. Which I really wasn't in the mood to do tonight. I definitely think this "bath" night was more fun! Ironically the party was supposed to end around 4am, which is the time now. So it really is like I did this instead. Well I'd better get to bed. But I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I'm going to get dressed up, have a teriffic day, and "flaunt it"
     
    I hope I didn't offend anyone with my horribly sickening self-admiration, but it was fun. And I promise I'll be a good boy next time
     
    Have a really awesome day everyone and take care!
    Kevin
  15. AFriendlyFace
    I mean it! I love people! They're definitely one of my all time favourite things.
     
    So I had a very nice day. I got up at 6am this morning so that I could study for my anthropology test, because I usually elect to just go to bed when I should probably study instea. Yeah it's like the exact opposite of how most college students behave, but if I've got homework, a project, or a test, I think, "well this is the perfect excuse to go to bed early!" So I do, then I just get up and do it the next morning (well usually ). Yeah it's midterm week, so that means I'll be getting plenty of rest . Anyway I hadn't studied at all for the Anth. test, and to top things off I'd skipped more classes than I'd attended. BUT this is the part where I mention that the class is insanely easy! On the first test (the time period before which I only attended slightly more classes), I got a 104. This test was pretty darn easy too and I'm definitely thinking another A, so yay . Anyway it was fun going to class. I made a couple friends in that class, so it was nice visiting before the test. I actually really think the guy is gay and into me, but I'm not positive. Anyway he's really not my type at all....and he tends to have bad breath I'd quite like to offer him a mint or something, but I don't want to offend, and anyway he's really sweet.
     
    So then I had Latin; we got back our tests from last week. I got another high B! I'm so happy! (and shocked!) Anyway there's 3 more tests, but I crunched a few numbers and it looks like I could make in the 40s and 50s on them and still pull out a D in the class. So WOO HOO looks like I've finally vanquished the nasty beast that is Latin. (Of course I'd prefer to score a little higher than a D, but I'd seriously take it and smile).
     
    So then I had lunch, broccoli and cheese casserole, MMMMM. Oh that reminds me, I gave up chocolate *gasp* and meat that isn't fish/shellfish for Lent (yep I do my vegetarianism the Catholic way - "what? Fish are vegetables, silly!" ). Anyway the meat thing isn't hard at all, the only meat I have much interest in besides fish is chicken, and I gave that up a couple Lents ago so I know I can do it.
     
    Anyway then I got in a nice really long walk (well actually 4 nice really long walks since I elected to walk from home to school and back, and then to work and back) Fun stuff .
     
    Anyway work was great, Mondays are my favourite day to work. It's my shortest work day and the people I work with on that day are some of my closest work friends.
     
    So then (you ever notice I start all my paragraphs, or at least the ones in this entry, "so then" or "anyway" ) I had dinner with a friend, and then we went out for (non-chocolate) ice cream afterwards. Actually I've been meaning to do a whole blog just about this friend, but I'll save that for another time. Needless to say I almost outed myself to her because the guy making the ice cream was just adorable! Not only could I not stop staring (well not in a creepy way), but I had to bite my lip to keep from blirting out "you are so cute!" while he was making my ice cream. On a side note isn't it ashame you can't just say that to people? I mean I like to say nice things to people when I mean it, I wish I could just randomly go around giving strangers compliments.
     
    Anyway (see what I mean) then I got home and someone had emailed me the notes for our big sociology test tomorrow! Yeah I kinda had the same problem with that class I did with Anthropology - I kept skipping alot, but this is our first test so I really don't know how hard it's going to be, I actually expect it to be pretty tough, but not that I have the notes . YAY! So this and two other incidents lead me to the conclusion that people are just teriffic! See I don't even know this girl, I'd just sent out an email to people in my class asking if anyone had notes they wouldn't mind giving me, and SHE DID , they look quite comprehensive too.
     
    One of the other two incidents was when I ran into this guy from high school the other day. Actually he saw me. I was strolling along and all of a sudden I heard someone behind me say "hey Kevin!", so I turn around and there's Michael, so we proceed to have a nice conversation on the way to our respective classes. Now I guess this doesn't sound so odd, except that this is really only the second conversation we've EVER had. The first was my freshman year of high school. I can't remember why but I was having this really lousy day and was kinda down. Anyway it was last period and that year I had a very lax teacher for last period so it was always quite easy to get out of class. So anyway again I don't remember what exactly I was doing out of class, but I went to my locker and up walks this cute guy I hadn't met yet. Now I'm normally pretty friendly but I just wasn't in the mood that day, so I just kept minding my own business. But he stops me and introduces himself and we have this really nice chat, and he really cheers me up! Anyway we never had a class together, and ran in different circles, but he was always friendly if I'd see him, and once again he initated our (second) conversation. This last time I was in a perfectly good mood, but it still made me even happier chatting with him. He's not as cute as he was in High School...or maybe my taste changed, but he's still a really nice guy.
     
    The third incident was one of my about monthly conversations with Philip (yes, he spells his name with one L). We were fairly good friends in High school. Actually we could have been really great friends except that the boy was so completely hot, sweet, funny, nice, "good", and all around amazing that I tried to keep my distance so that I wouldn't fall utterly in love lol. He was also completely straight, I know this because I was one of his favourite people to confide in about his "love life". Not sex life mind you because he really was a "good" boy, stunningly well-behaved. He didn't drink, smoke, or do drugs and he was just so.....sweet. UM anyway so yeah we've lost touch but occasionally I see him online and he always makes me happy. I kinda feel a tad guilty, I always got the impression he wanted to be much closer friends,,,,but like I said I tried to keep my distance a little (without hurting him, I was always careful never to blow him off or hurt his feelings), he was just too cute for his own good .
     
    Anyway so people rock, and I'm going to have a shower and go to bed so I can get up early and study those notes, before the test. Have an amazing day everyone and take care!
     
    Kevin
  16. AFriendlyFace
    I had a great day today
     
    I didn't have work and skipped school (I just had tests in like all my classes, except one more tomorrow, but that wasn't one of the ones I skipped anyway ). So I slept really late. I finally got up when a friend of mine called me, just to chat (fun way to wake up ). Then I had a nice shower, and danced about naked for awhile, while I was waiting to dry off. (I really dance much more often naked than clothed ). Then I decided to go out to eat because I'd behaved all week
     
    So I went out to Outback Steakhouse. It was great! I ordered a half order of the aussie cheese fries, and a strawberry Margarita, then I had half of the chocolate, chocolate tower (which is a very chocolately cake with raspberry sauce) with some ice cream. Yep I skipped the main course, I just wanted the cheese fries and cake, lol I couldn't finish the cake as it is, woulda been no fun if I'd gotten an entree' (on the bright side I have half left for tomorrow ). LOL in fact my waitress even commented, "wow! you just had like the perfect dinner." and I'm inclined to agree . Woulda been more fun if someone had gone with me but all my friends are broke . But that's not going to stop me (LOL I've been treating them lately, but I can't afford to keep doing that forever!).
     
    Anyway I had a great time and this family in the next booth were having an interesting conversation (what?? I didn't have a dinner companion what else am I going to do? ) Anyway it was this girl having dinner with her parents and her boyfriend, and I must say she was talking about stuff I wouldn't have chatted about with my family! Sperm, pregnancy, sexual pleasure, relationships in general! :wacko: Anyway eventually the topic came to gay relationships. Her mother seemed ambivalent, whereas her father was opposed, even using the line, "we're put on this earth for the sole purpose of multiplying",,,,well forget him; I always had more fun with algebra anyway! Her boyfriend remained silent for pretty much the entire dinner (of course this was probably a wise move on his part since she was in constant disagreement with her parents and he couldn't have said anything without ticking off someone). Anyway she did a fine job defending gay rights . In fact when I was leaving I had the strongest urge to pause at their table and say, "You tell em, honey!" in my best "gay" voice. But ultimately I decided it wasn't my place.
     
    Anyway then when I got home I decided to go for a nice walk around my neighbourhood while listening to music. It was really fun. So anyway I was just getting into one of the really nice sections when this medium sized dog (I'd say about 40 or 50 pounds) runs up to me barking his head off. Of course my first thought was, "ahhhh!" since he wasn't chained or anything and seemed quite ticked off. Then I remembered I quite like dogs and am not afraid of them. So instead I just kept walking along at my normal pace and chatted amiably to him while he swore at me in dog. He was an adorable fellow though! He was the same colour as a golden retriever (thought of course a golden retriever; those things are big teddy bears anyway!), and he had a long coat. Now I know what you're thinking, "how do you know it was a he?", and indeed you're right to question me on this. While I ultimately didn't let him intimidate me I also didn't grab him, turn him around, and lift his tail (thought he was so cute I probably woulda played with him if he hadn't seemed so grumpy). So you're right; perhaps it was a lady dog. In fact now that I think of it he was acting like a bitch.
     
    So finally I ended up at a local park where I read a bit for my test until it got too dark. So I came home, cuddled with Timmy and Lucky for a bit (my cats ), played some spades and relaxed. Anyway I've got that test tomorrow and this girl in my class was supposed to email me the notes but she still hasn't. I'm really lousy at taking notes, most of the times I don't even go through the motions. Of course all my life people have been saying, "that's going to eventually bite you", but really it hasn't. Most of the time people have either been willing to share with me, or I found I didn't really need the notes anyway (I usually remember stuff, particularly if I can pay attention instead of trying to take notes ). Anyway I graduate next month and I'd say this class is the absolute last chance for my poor note-taking skills to come around and bite me! But I don't think it will, I'm going to go read the relevant chapters and I think I'll do okay ***crosses his fingers***. Anyway if I felt like being childish I'd be irritated that she said she'd send them to me and hasn't. But I guess I can't really blame someone for not doing me a favour. Besides I'm in too good a mood to be annoyed
     
    Anyway take care everyone and have a great day!
    Kevin
  17. AFriendlyFace
    So I think I finally know what I wanna be when I grow up!
     
    A counselor/therapist.
     
    I was sitting in Church a little while ago (went to the 8pm mass) and my mind wandered a bit . And I suddenly realized I really should be a counselor of some kind. I mean it's basically what I was thinking all along, but I let myself get turned off by the research that would be necessary to get a PH.D in psychology (boo scientific research ). Then of course I started thinking I might worry too much about my patients and not be able to relax at home. But now that I really think about it, it is something I've always imagined myself doing and I think I'd be pretty good at it. Many people have told me "you're so easy to talk to", and one on one (or small group) conversations are pretty much my favourite way to spend a day. And I don't think I'm too bad at giving emotional support. Besides all those silly tests always indicate that as a good option for me. So I think I'll do it!
     
    Now I've just got the practicalities to sort out. Like shall I just become a regular counselor of some kind (and avoid the science junk ) or shall I become a psycologist (and just suck it up and deal with the science junk, which I'm sure I could do, it bores me to death and seems completely soulless, but I've always been pretty good at it)? If I just go with counselor I think that means I'll just have to go back and get my master's in counseling (but I'm not sure of the specific school/job situation, I'm gonna go back and talk to one of those COUNSELORS ). Of course the main thing is what's my focus going to be? I don't really think I want to deal with troubled kids...but maybe I do...I like kids and want to help the ones that are hurting...and school guidance counselor I could see. Marriage counselor might be fun. Maybe I could specifically counselor gay people? I think job counselor would be a little boring, but I could imagine it. I could see myself maybe working for some company as the counselor for their employees. I dunno, I need to work out the specifics, but at least I have somewhere to start now!
     
    I suppose I even owe some gratitude to that dreadful I.O psyc class I'm taking (Which is the most boring pysc class I've ever taken with the two exceptions of Statistics and Research Methods ). See one of the things I read in the book was all about how it was important to find a career which met your "growth need" requirements. Basically you had to feel like you were bettering yourself and what you're doing is fullfilling. Well lots of the jobs I thought of seemed viable and not unprofitable (yay! I made a fun litotes ), but I just didn't think I'd find them "worthwhile". Counseling I'd definitely feel good about .
     
    I still want to write though, but I guess that can go back to back burner dream status for now. Oh yeah, I've thought up this wonderful (I think) plot for a story, and I even ran over some dialogue I really like in my head...but I'll probably never actually sit down and write it . **Sigh** if I were half as disciplined as I am fanciful I could probably have written a novel by now.
     
    Anyway have an awesome day everyone and take care!
    *********
    By the way I in no way mean to insult science or people who do it and enjoy it. I think it's extremely necessary and I have the utmost amount of respect for it. It's just a bad fit for me. I'm a relativist, I don't like concrete facts; I like abstract, theoretical ideas with ambiguous shades of gray. I don't need proof, I adhere to the philosophical principle that if I believe something (or perceive it) then from my POV it is true.
  18. AFriendlyFace
    So it seems like life's really been dealing some of my favourite females a bad hand lately .
     
    I went back to my (current) spade league (not the dead one), only to find out that the captain of our team, and my main partner (the one who talked me into joining after all the drama with the old league) wasn't around. I didn't see her for about a week when finally reports begain to circulate that the reason was because her sister had just died . To make things even worse apparently about a month earlier (also while I was gone) a different sister had died . So she finally came back last night and I asked her how she was doing. She said she felt a little lost . But then immediately asked if I wanted to play a few games so we did. It was fun, just like old times . I've really never played (spades) with anyone who can get inside my head like she can. I swear most of the time we play it's like we're looking at each other's hands. She's a tough lady though, I think she'll be okay.
    ***********
    Then there's my friend Mandi. After my test this evening (actually I could tell a whole story about my day up until that point; which really wasn't that great , but I won't since that's not what this post is about lol) I decided to go out to dinner to cheer myself up (yeah lousy day). Anyway while I was there we were texting each other. Apparently as well as all the other drama she's broke as well. So I took her out for ice cream to cheer her up. Basically she had a cover story for her parents all planned out, but her roommate didn't know it and ended saying the wrong thing and making her mom suspicious. Apparently she'd had a great weekend with Joe (the boyfriend), and they'd even had the big "where is this going and what are our future plans" talk, but then when her mom finally tracked her down and called the hotel that put a damper on things . To make matters worse her car is still in her mom's name so she's worried she's going to take it away. But the really sucky thing is that her mom isn't going to give her any more money for bills until she sits down and talks this thing out with her (which I actually think isn't so unreasonable), but of course Mandi isn't eager to do this. So she was really worried because her credit card bill (which she's maxed out ) is due in like two days, and obviously it's NOT going to be good if she defaults. But I talked her into letting me lend her the money to pay it until she gets money from her parents (which she's sure she WILL do once she talks to them). SO I guess it'll work out.
     
    Actually I'm mostly just being a "loyal friend" and presenting everything from her point of view. I actually really see her family's POV too and I really wouldn't be too happy with her either if she were my daughter. BUT she's going to do what she wants to anyway and it's probably best for me to just try to be there for her instead of trying to pressure her into doing what I think she should do. I think what does bother me though is the way she allows her self to be dependent on other people. She never keeps a job very long, she always gets tired of it after a week or so and just keeps calling in sick or giving other excuses for not showing up until they fire her....Or she just quits right away. Before she broke up with her Fiance' she just managed to rely on him and her parents to "take care of her". After she broke it off with him she still had her parents for bills but got a job for awhile to cover her every day expenses. But now that she's in a new serious relationship it looks like she's falling back into the same pattern.
     
    I just couldn't do that! My independence is very important to me. I don't even like not having a "safety net" of reserve cash saved up, just incase something did happen and I had to leave my current job or couldn't work for awhile. I guess it's the anxiety prone side of me, but I freak out if I don't know where my next check's coming from.
     
    But anyway we had ice cream, hung out for awhile, and went to Wal-Mart, and while she's got tangible problems to sort out I don't think she's particularly unhappy .
     
    ********
    Then there's Claire . I was texting with her at the restaurant too. Basically I just sent her a "hey, how's life been treating you" sorta message because I like to check in every now and then. But her response was "Not so good, I'm hurting right now" . So of course I was freaking out. Poor Claire. I wrote in a previous entry about her and Mary breaking up, so I don't know if it's related to that, but I am worried about her. Anyway I made plans to go and meet her tomorrow (which is like a 3 hour drive ) and we're going to go the the mall in the morning and then lunch. So I guess I'll get the scoop then. It's just that she's such a great person, but she's just prone to depression and anxiety. She's been clinically depressed, has social anxiety, various phobias, and she's bipolar. So I just always take it seriously if she says something's not right.
     
    I actually feel....well not responsible exactly. It's hard to explain. We met our Soph. year of high school after she transferred from her old school where she was really miserable (that was when she had been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety). Anyway I know she wasn't exactly elated everyday, but it seemed like alot of the time I spent with her she really was happy and having fun. She started taking Paxil for the social anxiety and she just seemed to be doing well. Then after we graduated and went to different schools it seems like she got worse. I found out she was cutting for awhile , then she was diagnoses with the bipolar, and she started smoking And drinking more than she should. I mean obviously it's not my fault and I guess in all likelihood she'd have still developed those problems even if I had been around her everyday, but I still feel like I could have been making it better. So anyway tomorrow I'm going to go and see if I can make it better (and maybe buy some new clothes! )
     
    The thing is she's such a great person! I mean she's awesome! She's an EXTREMELY gifted artist, she's perhaps the most intelligent person I've ever known, she has a great sense of humour, and she's just really sweet and caring. In early July right before I joined this forum (or maybe right after I did) I was having a little mini-breakdown. It wasn't too bad, but I knew I needed help when it got to the point that at work I had to keep excusing myself to the bathroom to go and cry. Anyway she's the one that I talked it all out with, and I mean ALL out with. I was actually able to pretty much open up and tell her all my feelings and fears and stuff. So I've just got to help her.
     
    ***********
    Anyway she has work at 2:00 so after that I'm going to head on over to my hometown (which is between our two cities) and have dinner and maybe a movie or something with my mom; who you guys alreadly know the deal about. So tomorrow ought to be a pretty action packed day. Actually I'm sure I'll have a great time!
     
    So now I'm going to go have a nice long bath, and shave and stuff, then pick out my clothes for tomorrow....I'm not sure what I'm going to wear yet, but I'm pretty sure it'll be tight
     
    Anyway I hope everyone has an awesome weekend! Take care everyone! (or I'll have to come and take you out for ice cream! )
  19. AFriendlyFace
    So here's a general summary of what's been going on in my life of late.
     
    Friday I had an appointment to see a job counselor at the career services department of my university. I was hoping I could line up a job for when I moved to Houston, that way I wouldn't be freaking out once I got there. Well the whole thing was all but a big waste of time, my appointment was at 11:00am...I was done by 11:08. Basically I told her I didn't care too much what I did, it could be anything to do with psychology, sociology, writing/english or just any old job that paid decently and required a college degree. She told me I was being way too vague and would have to narrow it down more. I said "well hopefully it'll only be for a year or two tops before I go back to grad school" (not that I'm even sure WHAT I want to go to grad school in...) Anyway she said "too vague, you need to make an appointment to see someone who focuses on career counseling (she herself just did job search). Well anyway she gave me a few website to check out that would list vacancies in Houston and I made an appointment to see the career counselor (which is now tomorrow). **Sigh** I know it's a big waste of time. I can already tell you exactly what she's going to tell me. I'm going to find out that I'm well suited to a job involving people and/or creative endeavors, and that I have good leadership and analytical skills. But unless they actually tell me "you need to become a member of management in the public relations department of a company which makes wooden sculptures" I don't see it helping me narrow this down all that much.
     
    Meanwhile today at work I was having a perfectly pleasant day when I checked my phone 45 min. before going home time only to discover that my mom had left me a voice mail. It turns out she came home from work today and found her cat dead in the yard, a couple of feet away from the street . She was very upset to put it mildly. She'd really grown super attached to the cat, particularly after her 16 year old cat died last year (yeah 16 years old. I was really attached to him,,,,I mean I was only like 5 when we got him). Anyway I called and had a very depressing 5 min talk with her. Then a few hours later she called back again and we had another very depressing 5 min talk. I offered to drive in and visit, but she said there really wasn't anything I could (which is true), and that I shouldn't bother particularly since I have 2 (maybe 3???) exams this week.
     
    So after I talked to her I thought perhaps going out to dinner would lighten my mood a bit so I called my friend Mandi (I've seriously been wanting to do a whole entry just on her). Anyway she's got a boyfriend in Ohio; her very over-protective parents do not approve of this. However, she's been sneaking off every couple of weekends (well not really "sneaking off" she lives 70 miles away from them, but they do call alot so she has to come up with excuses) to go and see him. Sometimes they meet in the middle sometimes one of them just drives all the way to the other. I'm still yet to meet him but he sounds pretty nice. Anyway apparently her mom found out this weekend and things got...ugly. Maybe I'll go into more detail later but basically she wasn't in the mood to go out and talking to her only gave me more things to feel bad about and worry over. I mean I don't approve of the lying either, but I think it's ashame that they try to keep her on such a short lead when the girl's 21 years old for goodness sake. I mean I know they're just worried about her, but she wouldn't be sneaking around or doing as many risky things if she didn't feel boxed in.
     
    Anyway so today at work I spent a good bit of time with the new girl, Stacey. Wow! This girl is fun! She's extremely cheerful and chatty and has a great sense of humour. Cute smile too. Anyway she's also extremely playful and flirtatious. The first day I met her she used the phrase "work it" on me, when I walked by. Then last Thursday I found out she was in my night class, but I came in late and left early (what ?? it's a REALLY boring class, and it lasts 3 hours! So I seldom go and never stay for the whole thing...yeah yeah I'm being bad ) so we didn't get a chance to talk. So today when I see her the first thing she says to me is, "so did you see me checking you out in our psyc. class Thursday?" . LOL then an hour or so later when I went to pass by her our backsides sorta brushed up against each other. So I was like "oh excuse me" and she laughed and smirked and said "oh that's okay, I liked it". . So anyway you'd think this would be making me uncomfortable right? Naw not really. It just fits her personality really well and she doesn't seem threatening. Anyway the confusing bit is when toward the end of the day the topic of sushi came up and I said how much I liked it. So she invited me to go have sushi with her and her BOYFRIEND tomorrow night. huh! I mean I wasn't interested in dating her because 1 ) I'd rather date a guy right now in my life and 2 ) I'm moving soon and don't want to start ANY relationship. But actually if I were going to date a girl she wouldn't be a bad choice. Anyway I really don't get it, I mean she keeps coming on to me, but then invites me to have sushi with her and her boyfriend. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend! Anyway I told her the truth, I have my other night class tomorrow night, and we have a test in it. So she said she'd call me when they were going and if I was done with the test by then I could just go meet them. Oh well, it's complicated but I think I really will go if I'm done with the test in time. I mean she is fun, I like meeting new people (her boyfriend...and NO I'm not at all thinking along THOSE lines), I do love sushi, and they're going somewhere I've never been before. So it'll probably be kinda fun.
     
    Anyway I guess I'd better start studying Have a great day everyone!
     
    Kevin
  20. AFriendlyFace
    So yesterday evening I decided to walk to my night class. On the way it suddenly begins to drizzle a bit. So I'm thinking "well no problem I'm about to walk by Coressa's apartment complex, I'll pop in and see if I can borrow an umbrella". So anyway who should I see in the parking lot, but Coressa (yeah I guess it's not that big a coincedence since it was her apartment building). Anyway she was actually carrying a pink umbrella at the time, and before I could even ask for one she offered it to me. Then she laughed and said, "but if you'd prefer I have a brown one inside I can get for you". So I said I'd rather have that one, so after we chat a bit I go on my way with the brown umbrella. Then I'm hit with a funny thought, I'm sure she thought I'd prefer the brown umbrella because it wasn't as "gay" as the pink one, when in fact my main reason for wanting the brown one was that the pink would have clashed with my outfit, whereas the brown matched my shoes and belt nicely and really finished off the ensemble. (though actually pink is about my least favourite colour but just because I happen to not like it, not for any cultural/social reasons).
     
    So anyway I'm walking along with the umbrella and I start thinking "I guess I'll drop it back off to her at work when I'm on my way to class in the morning". Then I think "oh wait, if I do that I'll have to see Kim". So of course that led my thoughts to Kim, which is what this entry is actually about.
     
    If you go back about a year ago Kim had just started and right away we became pretty good friends. In fact in an odd little ironic twist when she first started most people didn't particularly like her and thought she was weird. I was the one who kept saying, "no she's really nice and fun, give her a chance". So anyway when I met her she was always talking about her boyfriend, Josh. Well the first time I met Josh was when we all went out to eat to celebrate Kim's birthday. Now I'm not the best as far as gaydar goes, but I was picking something up from Josh. Besides that he kept looking at me... in a way that suggested more than platonic interest. In fact it was so bad that halfway through dinner Amber noticed and asked him what he was looking at. He said, "oops sorry, just staring into space I guess", and she laughed and said "oh I thought you were looking at Kevin" . Now this isn't the only thing I'm going by, I actually got to know him and he's a really nice guy, I just always got a weird sorta vibe from him. Then a month or so later I was at their house and we were watching Alexander. Well Kim was completely freaked out and disgusted by the Alexander/Hephaistion relationship (She's kinda homophobic, not the main reason we "fell out" but a contributing factor), but Josh seemed completely enthralled by it, and defended it by pointing out that it was very common in ancient Greece/Rome. Not only that but Kim herself is always talking about him, about how he isn't very interested in having sex, and how he never seems to be thinking about it. Also how he likes to use some of her "girly stuff", and how he reads everything including mags she leaves laying around.
     
    Now I guess it's possible I'm just completely barking up the wrong tree, maybe all the evidence is circumstantial. Or maybe he's bisexual or something. I can certainly see how he might have fallen for Kim if he is. She's a very "sexual" person. I mean she just carries herself in a very confident, sexy way. She's quite flirtatious and sensual as well. In fact one night we went out to dinner and a movie, just the two of us. I swear she was making it seem like a date! (whereas I was just interested in going as friends) As well as the usual mild flirty stuff, she leaned into me during the movie, and then afterwards we went out for desert and she fed me ice cream. It was...strange... I mean I would never do anything to come between two people dating. I just think that's one of the worst things someone can do, I'm really firm on this point! So I kept my distance as much as I could, and still be polite. That said though there was definitely a "moment" and if she hadn't been seeing someone I probably would have kissed her. I don't even think she does it on purpose. I think it's just her personality and how she naturally interacts with guys. She's always talking about how most of her close friends are guys and how there's usually been something between them at one point. I think it's just a pattern she falls into. But anyway I can definitely see how if Josh were at all into girls she might have ensnared him. Anyway a few months ago they became engaged.
     
    Now that I'm not particularly close with them anymore, I mostly think I should just mind my own business. On the other hand part of me feels like...I dunno like if this is going to be a huge mistake I should do something. I mean they actually seem fairly happy, I'm just mostly worried about Josh. She's very dominant, they're not even married yet and she controls alot of the finances, and usually gets her way on other issues. Not that I think she'll take advantage of him, she really is a pretty decent person, a nice girl with a strong sense of fairness, but he's really laid back and just goes along with whatever. She could definitely end up in a very controlling position. Of course mostly I'm just thinking it really sucks for him if he's at all into guys to marry a homophobe. I mean it can't be easy to surpress your feelings anyway, but to then try to redirect them to a person who couldn't even understand in the first place... I dunno, it's not like there's anything I can do anyway. I'm certainly not going to butt into their business, and I probably wouldn't even if I were still close with them. Besides at this point anything I said or did would definitely be perceived as an attack.
  21. AFriendlyFace
    So today at work a friend/coworker came up to me and said, "you seem quiet today, everything okay?". The odd thing is this seems to be par for the course the last month or so. It seems like lately every time I turn around someone's saying how quiet I'm being and making sure I'm not upset about something. And I'm really not upset, mad, unhappy, sick, or worried. Heck I don't even think I was being that quiet today. I was completely responsive and friendly to everyone. I may not have been forcing my way into every conversation, or regaling everyone with funny stories, but I was exactly shrinking into the background either. No, *gasp* I was actually working.
     
    So I dunno, it's crazy. I mean I feel fine, but with everyone fussing over me like I must be upset...I'm begining to wonder myself. I really don't think I am...but who knows? If I can't think of anything that might be bothering me, I usually just give the stock response: " **smile** I'm fine, just have alot on my mind I guess, thanks for asking though". And I really do appreciate it when people ask. I've always said if I'm upset I probably DON'T want to be left alone. If I want to be left alone; I leave. If I'm still there where you can see me and you think I'm upset, it is appreciated if you ask. So I'm certainly anything but annoyed that everyone is checking to make sure I'm okay. It's just I can't figure out what could be wrong so I think I am okay.
     
    I admit I'm often quite effusive. I do like to talk. I enjoy one on one conversation, or small group chats. I even like to bring everyone into one large discussion, and I readily acknowledge the fact that I'm often, if not usually, quite comfortable with all eyes and ears paying attention to me (geez that does make me sound like an attention seeker), but on the other hand I really don't have to have everyone's attention. I can be loud and outgoing, but just as often (at least I thought just as often), I'm quite content, to just sit and listen, or contemplate my own thoughts. I'm actually VERY introspective, just not in a shy sorta way.
     
    Yet I do wonder if maybe something is off at work and that's why I'm keeping to myself. I really am ready for the door. I feel like an old relic around there. Heck, perhaps I'm even a little jaded. I mean everyone's come and gone so many times since I've been there, I dunno perhaps I'm just subconsciously wondering if there's any point in developing relationships with the new people...I mean even if they stick around, I'll be gone soon enough. Of course intellectually I'd say of course I should get to know them; all experiences or potentially meaningful, and getting to know new people is definitely one of the most rewarding of all. And I certainly don't want my "old friends" to feel like I'm isolating myself from them.
     
    I dunno, I guess even if I do feel like being quiet I should just put on my best smile and go laugh and talk up a storm.
  22. AFriendlyFace
    It was early 2000, and I was a sophmore in high school. One of our cats suddenly got very sick and since the vet in our town was closed, my mom and I drove to the city of my aunt and cousin to take her to the all night emergency clinic. After dropping her off we go and visit my aunt and cousin and the four of us play the card game rook, which I hadn't done in about 4 or 5 years. Playing it makes me remember just how much fun it is, and what ashame we never play anymore. "But wait" I think, "this is the internet age, there's bound to be a site SOMEWHERE that offers it". Fast foward a couple of weeks and I'm playing rook at games.com (No longer offered there ). I'm having a great time, I meet LOTS of new friends, and spend almost all of my online time exclusively there for the next two years. Eventually several of us start an internet forum for all the players and I help run the site until about late 2003/early 2004.
     
    Rewind to 2002, it's now my senior year of high school. I'm hanging out at my best friend's house and his mom starts talking about how much she used to enjoy playing spades in college. So for the next couple of hours she teaches us and we play. My friend quickly becomes obsessed and insists that we play together on Yahoo. We do for about a month then he loses interest. I don't. But now I need a partner, and an atmosphere more conducive to a "community" feeling. Being an entrenched member of the work forum I decide to look for a spade forum. I quickly find an awesome one and become a member, and join the players at their site. For the next two years I more or less balance rook and spades, but slowly spades takes over my time and affections. I make MANY new, close, dear friends there, and have a thoroughly enjoyable time.
     
    Fastfoward to early 2005. My little spade home has become more of a war zone. The majority of the original members have left, and the head administrator (once a fairly close friend of mine) has completely flipped. He's turned against most of my closest friends and partners and I can no longer placate him. Gradually I come to the realization that he's all but certifiably crazy, and quite honestly paranoid, and he comes to the realization that I'm not going to roll over and watch him banish my friends. Slowly our relationship deteriorates to nothing, and I take quite a long "break".
     
    While I'm away the situation comes to a head, he bans most of my friends, and the rest withdraw. Of the aproximately 180 original/early members he now has about 20 left and his "newbies" are basically "yes men/women". My main partner immediately contacts me and tells me that she and most of the others have joined a new league and created their own team composed of our old players. I immediately join and resume active play. The snag is that I'm still technically a member of the other league, and a small handfull of my friends remain there. For the next couple of weeks I juggle the two leagues and try to make everyone happy. One day the admin. of the first league decides "if you aren't with us, you're against us" (is it any wonder I'm so sick of that particular phrase and line of reasoning), and demands that I make a decision between the two. I say if I'm being forced to choose then the decision has been made for me, and I leave/get banned.
     
    It's now June of 2005 and I've been with the new league close to 6 months. One evening I'm surfing the web and come across Nifty . "cool site", I think. A few weeks later I'm exploring it and discover TOU. I quickly read all the chapter that were then posted (up to chapter 10), then desperate to get my fix I realize that more are posted on the author's home page. Once there I find another 3 chapters and quickly read to the end of chapter 13 (the marshmellow scene). I see that there hasn't been an update since April and begin to freak out. Fortunately, in my despair, I decide to check out TLW, which has the benefit of being finished. Over the next week or so I read it and it immediately replaces TOU as my favourite. Once I'm done reading TLW I find that I'm effected. STRONGLY EFFECTED. For the first time in years I begin to think perhaps a relationship like Owen and Aiden's is something I not only want, but might eventually need. More importantly I begin to think it's even possible to have that kind of loving, healthy relationship. In my desperation to talk about TOU I join Gay Authors. Gradually over the next few months I spend less and less time with my ("new") spade league and more and more time at Gay Authors. And the rest, as they say, is history
    ********************************
     
    So what was the point of that brief (by my standards ) history of my internet use? Well reasons:
     
    1) I simply thought it might be nice to post a little "background"
     
     
    2) The yesterday I recieved an email from an old friend at the orginal spade league (who briefly followed us to the new league). Here's the email with the names of the players/league removed. Also keep in mind that he's not a native english speaker.
     


    Hello Everybody
     
    This is Q writting. I just hear that J (the paranoid league admin) is missing, and that probably the league is going to dissapear?
     
    I do not know what has been doing the last 2 years, but I do remember those great days we all enjoyed our onliune friendship. Even my curent obbligations doesn't allow me to stay online much, I will deeply regret the closure of our league.
     
    I received today a mail from H (one of the few orginal members left) , she is trying to put the pieces together so the league can maiuntain its "live" status. Again, I not know what happened but I think that our memories at the league are strong and honest, so let's do whatever is in out hands to keep the league alive, shall we?
     
    Hope you all are good and wish every one of you and your families the best.
    Sincerelly
    Q
     
    So of course the other reason is that all of this has just been brought back to the surface and is fresh on my mind. I went back and checked out the league page. When all was said and done "J" had basically taken a once flourishing, happy and extremly fun league of over 250 active members and all but destroyed it, reducing it's number to under 40! With less than 20 active members. Only about 5 of the original members now even remain on the list, and only 2 of them are still "active". He was an extremely paranoid person, and only seemed to grow worse and worse. It was always conspiracy theories with him, he banned almost everyone for some sort of percieved plot to destroy the league. Shortly after my group it seems he had the most damning falling out with his closest friends/supporters/junior admin. I don't know the details but once again he decided they were involved in some sort of scam to drive away membership and he banned them. Irnoically after that he decided that we were all "innocent" and invited us back on his online radio (yes toward the end he had his own online radio station,,,,which tragically consisted of him sitting on his soapbox spouting all the injustices he'd suffered). I heard all this 2nd hand (not being a fan of the radio station even while I was still a member). Fortunately only 2 of our number (Q being one of them) actually took him up on his offer of "clemency".
     
    But reading that email and then seeing the death throes of the league with my own eyes, I really was struck with a strong sadness. It was seriously one of the best, most enjoyable internet places I've ever spent my time. In it's "golden age" it was a much happier, friendlier place than the rook gaming site ever was. We always referred to each other as "family", and until J decided to start disowning various "cousins, uncles, aunts, brothers, and sisters" we really were. I've grown to really care about a great many of you here at GA; you're some of the most teriffic, inspiring, awesome people I've ever met. But in many ways I loved the people at the spades league just as much. It was a home.
     
    Reading that email though, with that final last ditch effort to "save" the league, I realized something; it's already dead. It died even before the first major "exodus". It died when the first of our brothers/sisters suddenly felt abandoned and ostracized for expressing their honest view point. It was nothing like "home" the entire last 6 or 7 months I was there. It started with a noble and worth dream J had. A close friend of his died too young and in his grief he decided to create the league in his friend's memory. It was his hope that we would all find a little peace and happiness. A little solice. A safe harbor from the outside world, where we could go and forget our trouble and just have fun with each other, playing a game we truly loved. And we did.....but in the end, for whatever reasons, which I'll never know or understand, the dream turned into a nightmare. The dream is over now, and it's time to wake up.
     
    **************************************
    I won't be at GA forever. Eventually something else will occupy my attention. Eventually the people, that to me, make it "home" will move on with their lives. I don't know how it'll end. I hope it remains the beautiful, good place that it is. A place for troubled, hurting, lost people to find comfort in good stories and each other's company. A place were the happy, carefree, exuberant among us can share their joy and wisdom. I hope it always remains a warm, caring community.
     
    Someday, be it in a few weeks, a few years, or a few decades; I will be gone from here. And rather it continues to go on well here or not; I intend to take the happy times, the fun, the love and support, the goodness with me. Nothing lasts forever but that doesn't make it any less valuable and worthy.
     
    My sincerest and most earnest respect, admiration, and appreciation go out to Myr, the GACs, the authors, the sub-committee GACs, and of course the members! Whatever has been, or will be, this IS a beautiful and truly amazing place and I'm happy to call it my internet home.
     
    Kevin
  24. AFriendlyFace

    Lost

    By AFriendlyFace,

    You ever just look around suddenly and realize you don't know how you get somewhere? And worse you really don't know where you're going?
     
    That would be my life
     
     
    It's stupid really. I'm just tired and still sick. I should probably just go to bed.
     
    Chapter 35 of DD depressed the hell out of me. I cried for most of it. And yeah partly it was Rory and the gang, but it was so much for myself and my own life. It hit a little too close to home, in all the wrong ways. I'm moving soonish. 73 days. I'll know NO ONE. I won't even have a job (unless I manage to find one online or something and try to get it set up before I move). But it's an adventure, and that's what I was after. It's a chance to "start over" and that too is what I was after. In fact I'm absolutely not torn at all anymore, it's definitely the right decision. The thing is that kinda sucks because it illuminates the fact that there's really nothing here for me anymore (or very little).
     
    The last time I moved to a new city it was this one, and I was only moving about 70 miles from the town I grew up in. Not only that, but I was moving with an armful of friends. Like 8 of my friends moved into the same apartment complex as me, and MANY others moved into other parts of the city. And it was great. I can honestly say that pretty much since that year's ended I've been occasionally looking back on it and thinking, "that was really one of the best times of my life". It's cheesy but it was really like Friends in a lot of ways, we'd all just "hang out". I wouldn't go through my day thinking "gee I wonder what I'm going to do when I get home". Every night I'd hang out with my friends. Usually we'd cook dinner (that was the year I learned to cook), sometimes watch a movie or go somewhere, but most of the time we just sat around and talked. But then everything changed.
     
    I suppose it always happens after the first year at college. About half the people ended up moving back home or transferring schools for one reason or another. I kept my same two roomates but we got a larger apartment so that one of them's girlfriend could move in, and everything was downhill from there. Completely changed our dynamic even though she was our friend too. I started my job, I was almost never home between work and school, and I drifted away from them. Several times I got the "we never see you anymore.", "you're hardly ever here" or something to that effect. It was my fault in large part, I was busy and I took them for granted. Eventually one night (when I got home from work early) we all had this ugly fight. It was never really the same after that, after that we all wanted to go our seperate ways (except the two that were dating).
     
    I slowly lost touch with everyone else (not completely, but I don't see/talk/visit with most on a regular basis anymore). I made lots of new friends, but I didn't get especially close with any of them....I was busy. Now I've really only got one close friend left in the city. All my other friends are work friends, and they're great but the thing is I've been there so long almost everyone's come and gone, and invariably everyone that leaves loses touch after a month or so tops. Oh and I'm really sick of my job. I think I'd have quit a few months ago if I hadn't thought "well I'm moving soon anyway".
     
    I took this personality test awhile back, can't even remember what it was called. Anyway it said that I was a "helper", that I needed to be needed. So it probably isn't so great that I'm really not. I mean it's not that I don't feel "useful", and I really do keep myself quite busy. There's never enough hours in the day, so it's not like I'm sitting around moping, and I even feel fairly well "connected" to my little world in general. My work people really do care, my old friends really do care, my family cares, heck I even think some of you guys care, and the people at my old spade league will undoubtedly welcome me back with open arms if/when I decide to return. But I'm not needed, not in that indespensible sort of way.
     
    I'll easily be replaced at work, and gradually lose touch with everyone and they'll all be fine. If I'm lucky occasionally people will mention me fondly, or reminisce in the way that we do about the people that have left. My old friends? Well there's no denying the span of time between our "just checking in", "calling to see what was up", etc. visits is growing longer. I expect they'll always be glad to hear from me, but they don't need me either. My family's been coping fine with seeing less of me for the past few years, and they probably really will be fine when I'm even further away and visit less often. If I just quit coming here a few of you might notice, but I'm really not doing anything necessary. I go on long breaks from my spade league all the time (and am on one now), and they go on too.
     
    And that's good. It really is, less pressure on me; more freedom. Of course I wouldn't be so selfish as to want people to be completely lost and helpless without me. And the truth is I'm fine too. I'll miss folks, I'll think back fondly on stuff, but I'll move on and be fine. It's just a little sad though; how temporary things are.
     
    But I'll be fine tomorrow. I'll wake up and roll out of bed and hit the day running. Besides an occasional sad mood is probably healthy. This isn't one of those anxious ones. Or intensely painful. It's just a somber melancholy, a weighty repose. Blah
  25. AFriendlyFace
    So I feel compelled to start with a little warning/disclaimer/advisory/whatever ya wanna call it.
    This post probably stands a good chance of offending people, which is not my intent. I make it mostly in an attempt to organize my thoughts and lay out my beliefs/desires in a coherent "set" way. I mean to make no value judgements nor am I in any way endeavoring to persuade anyone to come to my way of thinking. Finally, my own thoughts, beliefs, and opinions on ALL these matters tend to be very fluid and there's every chance I'll completely disagree with myself by the next time I read it.
     
    There is so much debate and controversy over the question of "why someone is gay". Is it completely genetic? Is it shaped by early experiences? Is it some sort of decision? Well you know what? I don't care. AT ALL. Totally irrelevant. Fun for self-analysis perhaps (because self-analysis is one of my all time favourite hobbies), but ultimately irrelevant as far as I'm concerned.
     
    Oh I see how it would garner more support and understanding if it were completely genetic. More people would be inclinded to think, "well it's beyond their control so we can't blame them". It would be very useful for advancing social tolerance no doubt; however, the fact remains that in some ways (especially the ways it's usually done) questioning it at all implies an inherent "judgement". It's somehow automatically deemed inferior to be gay than to be heterosexual, and the best homosexuals can hope for is a condescending, "well it isn't your fault". What the frick?!? Do I need to justify or explain why I'd much rather go for a walk than a drive? Is there going to be some argument that my genetics lead me to find walks more peaceful? Will people argue that I must somehow have had early childhood experiences which led me to prefer walks. Am I consciously choosing to prefer walks because of some unknown, mysterious subconscious motivation? Will I be forced to endure snide remarks from narrow-minded drivers? Will politically correct drivers come up to me and express their sympathy, because after all I must have been a born "walker"
     
    So basically I find the whole fact that there is a serious, enduring debate rather insulting. Oh it's fine for people to sit around and contemplate on their own. As far as idle wandering goes, or cocktail party fodder among friends, I take no offense. In the same way that I'm happy to examin why I prefer blondes. I've always been more attracted to blonde people. Why? Well it's interesting to think that maybe somehow genes lead me to find it more aesthetically. As a sociology major I love the idea that society and culture somehow force-fed me the, "blonde is best" mentality (actually I hate that idea, but it's valid and interesting). Early childhood experiences? Well I did know some sweet blonde people. Maybe it's because when I was a small child my hair was blonde and I've heard countless times from relatives and family friends how "cute" I was with my "blonde hair and big blue eyes". Maybe I'm somehow longing to return to my (natural ) blonde past. Maybe it is because my hair would now naturally be a light brown/dirty blonde colour, and so I find blonde hair more "exotic" maybe it does lend support to the "exotic becomes erotic" theory. Maybe it's because I've always associated blonde hair with purity and goodness (probably due to my early childhood and seeing angels and saints depicted as blondes). Actually if I had to guess I'd say it's a combination of all these things, subtlely playing on each other in ways that only make sense when viewed as a whole.
     
    And you know what? That's pretty much my view of sexuality too. If I had to speculate I'd say that there are certain genes which must exisit. I'd guess that depending on your genes you may definitely turn out 100% gay or 100% straight, but more likely they exisit for most people in such a way as to merely lead to predispositions. THEN personal experiences, culture, and environment come into play. Am I saying people "choose" to be gay or their pasts "make them gay". No. Because I think that since everyone has a unique set of genetics it varies extremely from person to person. The same experience WON'T effect two different people the same way. Further I think the same person would turn out completely differently, (and react to later identicle experiences differently) just with one or two early experiences being different. In other words maybe Bobby will further advance on the road toward homosexuality if he plays with girls as a child, but maybe Tommy will advance on the road to homosexuality if he plays with boys as a child. And maybe Bobby and Tommy would react completely differently if they'd been treated even slightly differently (in completely unrelated ways) as infants. Does someone ever choose to be gay (or straight)? Rarely, I'd say, most of the time by the time those feelings begin to manifest themselves whatever unique combinations of genes have already interacted with whatever unique combinations of experiences to make this unique person uniquely gay or straight. I think there probably is a fairly strong predisposition one way or the other though, in many/most people.
     
    I also think some people who may otherwise be "bisexual" choose to supress their other feelings so that they can fit more fully into the group they identify more with, and I really don't have a problem with that. I mean I think it's very unhealthy and unwise for someone 90+% one way or the other to go the opposite way, but if it's more a 50/50 even 60/40 sorta thing then whatever, I won't hold it against someone if that's what they want. Especially since at that level it would be perfectly easy to find someone of the desired "chosen" gender to spend your life with (well if that's ever easy). Of course personally speaking I think they're missing a great opportunity!
     
    I find the whole concept of bisexuality extremely appealing. Indeed if most people could pick their sexuality I think they'd be extremely foolish and short-sighted not to go with this one. How wonderful it must be to be so unconstrained, to see such beauty in everyone! People, both gay and straight, are often prejudiced against bisexuality. Why? Well it's pure speculation on my part but I think it's because such "out of the box" individuality freaks people out. Such an unwillingness to take on traditional roles (yes traditional gay roles as well) scares people. As much as people might like to say they're fine with non-conformity the truth is it makes people uncomfortable!
     
    I think it's rediculous to put any sort of value in and of itself in a preference, especially a preference beyond one's control. Perhaps this is why I've always been skittish about "Pride". I mean I completely, totally, definitely don't think that anyone should deny their sexuality, EVER. And I think it's completely ludicrous to feel bad about something beyond your control (and I do think it's beyond people's individual control). And I AM proud of people who have stood up for gay rights, who speak out against intolerance, and who openly and happily accept who they are. I'm VERY proud of those people. Thus I can see myself saying, "I'm proud to be a part of this couragous group that has faced a great deal of adversity and persevered", "I'm proud to be associated with this wonderful group of people with strong character, and self-awareness", but I'd never just say "I'm proud to be gay" and mean strictly in the context of "I'm proud that I find guys attractive"....Gee how clever of me. I'm proud to have blue eyes and be 5'9'' too! I'm proud that I won the lottery! I'm proud that I was there when they were handing out free samples of oxyclean! Why be proud of something that just happened? Something beyond your control? I'm proud that I'm gay and able to handle the stress of living in a heterosexual society. Again I'm proud of the long record of wonderful things gay people have accomplished over the years. But I'm not "proud" of my sexuality in and of itself. I like it. I'm fine with it. I wouldn't change it if I could. I think it's really cool. I love it! It rocks! Woo HOOO boys!! But that's the same way I feel about the fact that I like spinach (to a less passionate degree obviously). I mean I like spinach, it's really good, I'm glad that its taste appeals to me, it's enhanced the quality of my life, but I'm not "proud" that I like spinach. I didn't do anything to like spinach....it just happened.
     
    So what's my own "sexuality"? Who am I attracted to? Well I identify as gay though I "don't like labels" (how cliche' is that?). I'm more often attracted to guys, than girls, and I don't see msyelf forming an enduring romantic bond with a women. I love women, they're teriffic! And some of them are REALLY hot, but I don't see myself "connecting" with one on all the right levels in the right way to really say I'm "In love" with one. Oh occasionally I see one that on a purely sexual level I want to sleep with. Of course I don't pursue it, I personally (and just speaking for myself here), don't go for casual sex and since I said I probably wouldn't form a good relationship with a women: I wouldn't sleep with her. Of course on the other hand my pimal, more basic side says "gee, I really want to!", to which my moral/rational side says, "well tough!" , But don't get me wrong, I'm USUALLY attracted to guys more. It's probably like for every 15 or 20 cute guys I see, that on a purely animal level I might want to get with, I see 1 girl.
     
    What groups of people and "things" am I attracted to? Well across the board I'm generally into blondes and redheads more. I definitely show a preference for white guys and black girls. White girls work too but the chances are probably a little better that I'll notice a black girl. I'm almost never attracted to black guys. Asian people I generally find attractive. Again I'm more into the Asian guys than the Asian girls (obviously), but I find them an attractive people. Hispanic people fall much the same way as Asian people. Indian women are very attractive and I totally dig the accent. Indian guys, not as much, depends on the guy.
     
    As far as "styles" go. I definitely show a higher rate of attraction towards "punk" (emo/goth) guys and girls. I like the "freak" style. On the exact opposite end of the spectrum I tend to fall for really "good boys" and "good girls", if they look sweet and innocent I'm totally there! Thus I often fall for the "Christian" boys (which obviously gets complicated, but I"m just talking attraction, I don't "fall in love" with them). Across all these groups I naturally am more inclined to fall for someone that would classically fit the criteria for being attractive (symmetry, fit, healthy looking, good body etc.)
     
    I've got a little foot fetish. Show me a girl in a skirt, stockings, and boots and I'm GOING TO NOTICE, even if she's not a particularly pretty girl. Boys in dress socks w/o shoes on, oh YUM! In general I find the human foot really cute and sexy.
     
    Overwhelmingly the thing I'm mostly likely to be attracted to in a guy is his face. I also think this is why I feel more of a "connection". Faces cause a much more emotional reaction for me. I really dig all of the male body, espeically hips, abs/stomach, and butt. His "package"? not really interested honestly. I mean I guess as long as it isn't deformed or something. I think proportionate is what I'd be going for here. If it's WAY "too small" or "too big" for him it'd be weird, but as long as it seems to "fit" I don't really care.
     
    Girls? Well I feel like such a perv., but really only their "rack" and genitals. And legs and butt perhaps, but that's the same for guys anyway (I mean I'm attracted to both the male and female legs and butt (on occasion), but of course I have a different idea of how they should look).
     
    Then there's personality. I like intelligent people with a good sense of humour (well duh who doesn't?). Generousity and caring are big priorities. Nice "good" people. Bad really doesn't do anything for me (except maybe walk away shaking my head). I know some might point out that I liked the "punk" look, but that's because really I find these people to be awesome, caring, and good overall. Also I think there's a desire to "tame" them, well perhaps that's the wrong word, see their softer side.
     
     
    But when it comes down to it; I just don't care. I don't care who someone else falls in love with or is attracted to (as long as it's legal and everyone's consenting). I don't care who I'm attracted to. I don't care if they fit my "type" or whatever. If I'm into someone, I'm into someone, and that's all I care about.
     
    Anyway all of the above are purely my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and general preferences. I really make no value judgements at all, and only wish everyone could just happily accept their own attractions, and have these attractions accepted by everyone else. People really make this whole thing WAY too complicated...said the boy who just wrote an insanely long, complicated blog entry about it .
     
    Anyway take care all and have an awesome day!
    Kevin
     
    P.S. I actually intended to write about equality, independence, and power dynamics as well, but obviously I'll have to do those seperately.
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