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AFriendlyFace

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  1. AFriendlyFace

    Red

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Well I finally got my hair done. I went from a long-haired blonde to a short-haired redhead. Cut off a good 4 or 5 inches in some places. Fun change. Dramatic.
     
    Speaking of dramatic...I don't really know what my problem is (although I'll probably keep looking for it until I've successfully analyzied it three times and managed to once again pass it by to analyze something else ). I've been a little...moody. I think it's frickin winter. I hate how early it gets dark. ...I like the clothes though. I've always said people look much better in winter clothes. I like the colours and fashions better. (I'm being shallow and A.D.D to avoid the problem )
     
    I've never not liked a Pink song. I've listened to "U & UR Hand" about 9 times in a row. All her songs rock though. I bought the new My Chemical Romance cd. It's awesome! I like "The Sharpest Lives" the best, but of course "Welcome to the Black Parade" and "Teenagers" rule too. There's this line from "The Sharpest Lives" :
     
    It's so delightfully twisted. 
    Anyway I've been moody, which is probably a good thing. I mean I'd probably just be gloomy or pissy without the mood swings. At least this way I get to be manic, anxious, and elated too.
     
    The new hair is flashy. It's really red. I think I'll wear it spikey too. I guess it matches my new, edgier mood.
     
    I need to do something intellectual. I've kinda felt like a stupid, shallow twink lately. I've been doing spades a bit again though. It helps. Perhaps I'll work on my Spanish again. And school's up soonish.
     
    I think I'll either go back to vegetarianism or quit drinking again. Or else try to give up chocolate. I need to quit something. Or else take something up.
     
     
    Anyway closing time.
     
    Good night all
  2. AFriendlyFace

    I Just Move On

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Anyone know that song from the Chicago soundtrack? I love that soundtrack! This one's actually one of my least favourite songs, but the title fits nicely for this entry.
     
    About 4 years ago I was freaking out about moving. Leaving my first apartment, my first "home" away from my family. I didn't want to change the dynamic I had with my roommates. I was freaked out about the new job I was about to start. My new classes...Life in general.
     
    The year before that I clearly remember my two best friends ticking me off when they insisted that I had to live with them in college so they could look after me. They wanted to go to a different university that was nearer to home - and wanted me to go there too. I didn't though. I guess it was nice that they wanted me to stay with them, and it was definitely nice that they wanted to look after me. My whole little "click" in high school always looked after me. I was known for being impractical, flightly, strongly possessed with "book smarts" but lacking in common sense. I didn't know how to do dishes, laundry, cook, clean, remember to fill up my vehicle , or keep track of where I needed to be. I'd never worked before.
     
    I sorta believed them. I was pissed that they'd outright said I couldn't manage on my own in a new city, but it still irritated me that they thought that. So I leaned heavily on my roommates and friends from high school that did go to the same university.
     
    Then a funny thing happened. One day when no one wanted to go to the restaurant I had in mind I decided to go by myself. Next I went shopping on my own. Soon I was undertaking the dishes and even basic cooking without supervision or advice. Eventually I learned how to do laundry and clean. Amazingly I actually realized I had a rather good sense of direction when instead of letting someone else drive me I drove myself (and thus paid attention). Then I *gasp* started working, and it turned out I WASN'T the workplace ditz, instead I quickly found myself in a leadership position.
     
    The next year I decided to live alone. A strange thing had started happening, new people who met me still thought I was a bit quirky/eccentric, but SENSIBLE, responsible even. I became known for being a really GOOD cook and keeping a tidy, well-organized home. I found that many of the things I'd been afraid of - driving, cheesegraters , change in general - were actually...fun and a bit exciting. The next time I moved (to Houston), I didn't dread it, in fact I embraced it. Nevermind that I'd only been there once and I literally didn't know a soul there. I found that it was quite a bit of fun making new friends and learning my way around the new city.
     
    And my old friends back home? The sensible, independent, practical folks (whom I really do love )...well most of them ended up dropping out and/or moving back to our home town. It's all so...traditional. The ones that did graduated without transferring closer to home first (with only a few exceptions) STILL ended up returning to the same area afterwards. They're marrying (often to other people we grew up with/around), having kids, taking over/working in family businesses. They are the next generation of that town.
     
    Me? Not so much. I'm not going back, that much I'm sure of. Oh I'll visit occasionally (lol, though I probably don't get back as often as I should), I'll never live there again though (well I guess you can never say never, but I find it highly unlikely). I don't even plan to ever live in Baton Rouge (where I was quite happy throughout college) again. And Houston? It's slightly possible I'll stay here long-term, but if I had to guess I'd say I'll be here no more than 3 or 4 years. I don't really know where I'll end up...right now I don't even plan to "end up" at all. Being in a completely new environment every half decade or so looks really good at this point in my life.
     
    It's difficult with relationships though. When I realized I'd be leaving Baton Rouge I actively avoided getting in a relationship. Now that I'm here, and I really will be here for the next couple of years at least, it's still tempting to be on my own. I've dated casually since I've been here, been with a couple of guys I could have had a relationship with. They didn't seem quite right though...granted I'm way too picky though.
     
    Things almost developed with the English boy. He was cute, and fun as hell. Too fun though. That is possible. I couldn't have seen being too "serious" with him. Our whole relationship was sorta based on everything being light and fun. Besides he drank a bit more than I'd have liked (even though I tended to match him drink for drink when we were together ). It was fun, but it's something I like 2 or 3 times a month...something he liked nearly every day. And he smoked, ALOT. I'm really anti-smoking. So yeah...wouldn't have worked...still might not be completely over though
     
    There's a good handfull of other guys I'm interested in too. I'm seriously attracted to two of the guys in my apartment complex. I keep getting mixed signals from both though. I'm not even sure they're gay - though it seems like everyone in my life suddenly is. I think I want the one that lives catacorner from me the most. He's so adorable. Sweet as syrup too. And he's a Christian boy (always wears a cross), that's a HUGE turn on for me. Christian boys and punk/emo guys have always been a huge fetish of mine. I think it's because in my experience they tend to be nicer and more emotionally in tuned than "regular" guys, even if they're straight. Blah, that probably won't be a very popular proclivity around here, but I've always had good luck with them personally. Anyway I think this guy really might be gay. He's definitely seemed to be checking me out on more than one occasion. He also looks really good. I mean he seems very aware of his appearance and he dresses well.
     
    My other "neighbour" is pretty cute too. He's also a lot of fun to talk to. I always thought he was straight because he lives with this girl, so naturally I assumed it was a girlfriend or something, but the more I get to know him the less likely that seems.
     
    Also, this is a really "gay" apartment complex and area. We're right outside the "gay center" of Houston. So it just makes everything seem more likely.
     
    There's this cute guy at work I've been having fun talking to too. Now there's quite a few gay people at work (including my two awesome lesbian friends ). It's a very gay friendly place. In fact they DO have a special provision in their policies that specifically provide for protection against descrimination based on sexual orientation. This guy though, while obviously "cool" with gay people (he's gets along great with several of the "obviously gay" people), is a little more difficult to tell about. I even asked my friend Megan (the lesbian that helped me get the job), and she was like "yeah, no one really knows for sure either way".
     
    Finally there's this guy in the GLBT group I joined that's just a huge intellectual turn on. He's completely fluent in Spanish and sign language (and of course English ), and if not completely fluent he's REALLY advanced in Chinease, and moving along quite nicely in Japanese. He's also got a really good sense of humour and a good set of morals/integrity. He recently broke up with his boyfriend of over two years - whom he still cared about and was attracted to - because they other guy started getting into drugs and other destructive behaviour (and couldn't/wouldn't stop). Plus he's a vegetarian (vegetarians and Canadians also sorta make that list of random groups of people I find very attractive). Hehe, anyway I flirted with him all evening Thursday when we were all hanging out.
     
    So yeah as far as guys go there's a bunch I'm interested in and several "possibilities". Here's the sorta depressing thing though: as much as I find the idea of a very serious, very committed, permanent relationship appealing...I don't think I'm ready just yet. Intuitively I hate the idea of something casual and temporary. I hate not knowing who I'll end up with...and yet I'm having a good time with life in general and getting to know all these new people. None of them feel quite right just yet...so I guess I can give myself permission to "play the field" a bit longer.
     
    Also as irritated as I was about having to move (they're tearing down my complex to make it some sort of luxury highrise at the end of May ), the truth is I'm kinda already looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward to finding out if any of these guys really are "Mr. Right". Or perhaps the next guy I meet will be.
     
    And my job? Well that's very temporary. I absolutely love it, but I'm already planning to start looking for something new by February. And school? I actually really can't wait to go back. I'm excited about my life right now, and I'm really having fun. Hopefully eventually I'll find the perfect guy, the perfect place to live, the perfect job, and I'll settle down, do the whole traditional, pickett fence thing like I always wanted. But for now? Well... I just move on.
  3. AFriendlyFace

    "Dude, focus"

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Yeah, so I said that to my cd player today .
     
    I was on my way to the bank and I was listening to a cd in my truck, and really enjoying it, when it suddenly started to skip. So without even thinking about it I looked at the cd player and said "dude, focus". LOL, then I realized that was a silly thing to say to a cd player. Of course by then I was laughing my butt off so I went all fake dramatic, "Comeon! This is like your only purpose in life. You can do this! Focus, you can get through this!" ....yeah still couldn't play that track...started blaming the cd itself actually.
     
    So anyway after I got out of the straightjacket I went to the bank. People are so nice at the bank!! I realized I'd accidently left my debit card in the ATM the last time I went (didn't realize it till I needed it again this time ), but they gave it back to me. Anyway we had a nice chat - me and the bankers - and I even got to vote on a colouring contest they were having! I coincidentally voted for the guy who was looking for my card too, so everyone joked that that was bound to help! I guess it did too.
     
    Then I went to the produce stand...it's a really crummy time of the year for oranges . I racked up on squash and apples though!
     
    So then I wanted to have a maragrita because I had my lazar hair removal treatment today (right before I went to the bank) and it frickin hurts! And I always want a drink and a big hug afterwards. Didn't get the hug though , but I'll be sure to get a couple extras tomorrow when I go to the GLBT group. I LOVE how huggy gay people are! Anyway getting back on topic I guess the hair removal wasn't THAT bad today. I mean I was able to carry on a conversation with the woman doing me. In the course of this conversation she told me that she treats another guy and when she's doing him he literally screams and thrashes about on the table! YIKES, it isn't THAT bad and she told me she was using the highest setting on me too! (Because I'm very light complected. The darker you are the lower your setting, so the less pain, but the longer it takes to get results) Anyway wow, I bet she hates it when people do that! I'd freak out if someone was like screaming and crying while I was trying to do my job! I was actually laughing and talking alot...which, having studied psychology, I recognized (even at the time) as a mechanism for coping with the pain and stress.
     
    So anyway I got through it and I wanted that drink. So I stopped at this Mexican restaurant and would you believe it, they didn't sell margaritas! I had the sense to ask first though so I wasn't like stuck eating (lol, I didn't want to eat anyway ). I tell ya, Texans are so weird about alcohol! In Louisiana you can buy the stuff ANYWHERE (well pretty much any gas station or grocery store...most places you can buy non-alcoholic beverages you can buy alcoholic ones too). But apparently that part of the city was dry! What the frick?! See Houston apparently swallowed up like 5 or 6 other smaller cities long ago, and each of these "smaller cities" still has SOME of their own laws and stuff for their district. Like one I went to and said I needed to get fingerprinted (it was for a background check that they ran on everyone at my old job ), and the officer was like "are you a resident of ___?" and I was like, "well I'm a resident of Houston, but no I don't live in this area" and he was like "oh sorry you have to be a resident of our little city, this police (and fire department) only serve the residents of ___". That's just so frickin weird to me!
     
    Anyway back to the alcohol thing, you can't buy hard liquor (like tequila ) at groceries stores, instead you have to go to a specific liquor store. AND they're not allowed to sell it after 9pm (but yet bars and clubs can serve until 3am *shrug*). So anyway I had to go to the liquor store...which really makes me feel like a drunk for some reason. I mean back home I'd just buy all my regular groceries and if I felt like a margarita or a mudslide I'd pick up the stuff at the same time. Having to make a seperate trip to a special store just makes me feel like an alcoholic. BUT on the bright side I found this SUGAR FREE margarita mix!!! I was so frickin excited! It's sweetened with Splenda! GOSH! I love that stuff! I recently bought chocolate syrup that was sweetened with Splenda too! (which BTW, not as good, but hey this way I won't get diabetes so yay )
     
    Anyway I finally got home, ate my fruit, and drank my margarita . It was lovely.
     
    On another note I regret to say that I WON'T be posting the next chapter of Indefensible today/tomorrow. The last couple of weeks have just really been hectic and I haven't found time to write it. Plus, I'm really REALLY eager to write chapter 5, but I'm not especially eager to write chapter 4 so I'm sure that's part of the problem. I'm really excited about the stuff that's going to happen after chapter 4 though! It's going to start getting into the part of the story I'm eager to tell! But *sigh* no way around writing chapter 4, so I'll just have to push through it. It really should be out next week though! And I'm hoping to not have any more delays (well of course I'm hoping that lol )
     
    OHH, but I did write a short story! Really short, only like 5 pages, but overall I'm fairly pleased with the way it came out. I'll probably post it sometime this weekend or next week too
     
    Anyway take care everyone and have an awesome day!
    Kevin
  4. AFriendlyFace
    So I was having this conversation my close friend, Claire this evening, and we got to talking about kids. She's a lesbian BTW, in fact I think I might have mentioned recently that she just broke up with girlfriend. Well good news they're working things out and getting back on track! Anyway we were talking about kids and she was saying how she really wanted to have her own kids, like biologically. So I was like "so whatcha gonna do for sperm?" and she was like "well I guess we'll ask a friend". So I said "ohh, well you can keep me in mind for that!" and she really liked that idea, said all sorts of nice things about genetic traits we might pass on . I think our kids would be really great!
     
    So yeah, I know it sounds like I just made a really big decision very spur of the moment, which I totally did, but on the other hand it's like definitely the only decision I could possibly reach even if I debated it for a long time. I think it's sort of like getting proposed to, I mean you should really think about it before you get married etc. Yet, when the time for the proposal comes I think it's nice if you're just so sure you blurt out your answer. Anyway I am sure, besides this is something that's probably like 8-10 years down the road so it's not like I really need to think about it much now anyway.
     
    I've pretty much wanted to be a dad since I was like 15 anyway. Seriously I've always joked that if I were a girl I'd be tempted to just go out and try to get pregnant (but secretly making babies without the guy's consent is naughty so I wouldn't REALLY do it). Anyway, I'd love the idea of having a baby out there and I know it would be really loved so I think I could handle not being one of the primary caregivers. Besides we've been close since highschool (almost 8 years now), so I'm sure I could still be like an "uncle" or something.
     
    Of course the whole thing makes me think about having my own kids. I've pretty much decided that regardless of where my life is when I'm 35 (if not sooner) I'm going to start looking into adopting. Even if I have to like adopt a baby from overseas or even move out of the country. Two parents would be better and I'd really like to share the experience with someone, but I'm not going to rely on it. Besides when it comes to things I really want I've always been game to do them byself if no one feels like taking part. So I doubt this would be any different.
     
    Anyway there's other stuff I could talk about, but I might as well keep this blog entry "focused" and just leave it with that. Take care all and have an awesome day!
  5. AFriendlyFace

    Hi, I'm Kevin

    By AFriendlyFace,

    I said that quite a few times over the last 24 hours.
     
    So as several of you might have known from talking to me on MSN, I was kind of stressed out last week (and sort of the one before that too). It was mostly because of work...well I think that was the root of it anyway. Basically I just don't think it was right for me. So I quit Wednesday. Then I went for a VERY long walk along a very beautiful stream (well technically it's a "bayou", but "stream" sounds prettier ). It was wonderful, I talked to Viv for a bit (thanks! ), then I called an old friend.
     
    It was her birthday actually, she recently broke up with her girlfriend . It was really awesome talking to her though, I've always had a special sort of friendship with her. Even though we'd lost touch a bit until a couple of weeks ago it was really cool how we could just sort of fall back into our old friendship . I really want to go visit her! Actually she might be coming to Texas for the Renaissance festival in a couple of weeks. The two of us and another friend went one year when we were in high school; it'll be good to go again.
     
    Anyway after I chatted with them I strolled around so more, ended up in the ball park area near my apartment. So I layed on a picnic table and read for awhile. Have you ever briefly wanted to be a dog? There were about 15 or 20 of them in the park, they were having so much fun! You'd think that dogs that didn't know each other wouldn't get along, but these fellas were having a blast! Actually I guess they do know each other a bit, their owners were all hanging around talking, so I suppose they all go to that park pretty often. Anyway I kinda wanted to hop of the table, roll around in the grass and wag my tail too!
     
    I don't suppose I should pet dogs I don't know...probably isn't a very good idea. I always do though. Always have. I remember once my grandmother, mom, cousin, and I went to visit my grandmother's cousin. We hadn't seen them in like 10 years so when we got to their house these two huge dogs came running up to the car. So naturally my grandmother and I got out to play with them. My mom and cousin are more wiry of animals they don't know so they wouldn't get out. Anyway we were playing with them for like 5 minutes before my grandmother's cousin came out and when he did he was stunned and told us that they were usually mean and hostile to strangers.
     
    So anyway I played with the occasional dog and read awhile, then I walked to this Mexican restaurant and had a little dinner. I really love where I live! The ball park, bayou, and restaurant are all within walking distance from my apartment...of course I have a further walking distance than most people . Heck, even the big park that I like to go to all the time is within walking distance, I've only walked to it once though, it's much further. Anyway then I went home, had a long bubble bath, drank some wine, and listened to classical music. LOL, it was a real classy evening .
     
    So Thursday I had found out online about this meeting of the University of Houston GLBT club and I remembered that when I went to the pride parade/festival I'd seen their booth and they told me that everyone was welcome, even if you don't go to the university. So I figured I'd go and make some new friends.
     
    I had an awesome time!! I was unfamilar with the campus, but I'd read the directions online about how to get to the building it was supposed to be near (it was being held outdoors). So after I wandered around awhile I finally found it. I think it's just a social organization, there was no "business" or anything (of course maybe that was just for this meeting), but really that's what I wanted anyway. So I met a ton of new people! It's so much fun meeting someone new and like getting their "stats" or "history" or whatever!
     
    LOL, and it was so great, I was talking to this one girl and she was like, "actually you won't be the youngest person here. I have this friend who's supposed to come and she's only 17". I got such a kick out of that! So I was like, "how old do you think I am?" and she was like, "umm 18?". And it kept happening too, everyone would be like, "so you go to UH?" and I'd be like, "well not yet, I'm hoping to apply in the Spring or following fall". So everyone kept thinking I was going to be an entering undergrad freshman until I explained that I meant I'd be starting grad school. Actually my opposite fear of being the OLDEST person there also wasn't realized. There was someone else 23 and another that was 28.
     
    So after the meeting I went back to the president's apartment for a little get together. She and another girl who's in the club are a couple. Then there were two other girls and 5 guys (counting me), so we drank and played Taboo for awhile. It was so much fun! I love that game! We played boys against girls with one of the guys playing for both teams. Actually he was a cute British guy who does "play for both teams". According to what the others said privately while he was outside smoking he used to be engaged (or maybe it was just seriously dating, can't remember anymore) to a high ranking, British politican's daughter (before he moved obviously ).
     
    Once the game broke up and several people went home, including him, I found out that the others thought I was interested in him (we'd been drinking quite a bit by then - which was why we hadn't left ). I guess I was a bit, but mostly my sights were on a different guy (who'd also left by the time I revealed this). I found out he already had a boyfriend though, but it was weird because the guy never went with him to any of the meetings/get togethers, so they didn't really know, just that existed. So anyway I felt quite a bit better since I had been disappointed that my flirting wasn't working. Actually I felt awful for flirting with a coupled guy anyway, but I was really happy and proud that he hadn't flirted back (after I found out why that is ). Anyway then the more I thought about it the more I wished I'd talked more to the cute British guy. We actually did get along pretty well and he invited everyone to a party on the 21st, so I guess I'll see .
     
    Ohh, and someone told me they could definitely get me a job as a waiter at Olive Garden if I wanted it. Which I dunno, I feel like I should be able to find something more professional since I have a degree, but on the other hand I've always had a secret desire to try out being a waiter. It looks really fun! More of that meeting random people thing. Plus she said it was REALLY gay friendly, and on a good night I could get 200-400 in tips! Which just sounds awesome for doing something I think I'd kinda like anyway. And it's supposed to be a good time to do it (with the holidays coming up). So I really might do it as a temp. job.
     
    So by now it was late and I was REALLY drunk, so I ended up spending the night (so did two other guys though so I didn't feel bad). Anyway then the next morning (I so love that I'm completely immune to hangovers ), I took one of the guys back to campus. So I figured while I was there I'd scope the place out, find out about the programs etc.
     
    So here's the really great "I'm so happy I could dance" part, as most of you probably know one of the main reasons I wanted to take a semester/year off was because I wasn't completely sure what I wanted to apply in when I did go back. I couldn't decide between creative writing/english, psychology, or sociology. Well if I apply in the college of education (LOL, and actually education was like my 4th choice anyway ) I can get into this program for counseling, get my Master's in that, and then get my...LCP (maybe?? I dunno some initials with an L ), and that's the counseling license and then I can do any sort of counseling I've decided to specialize in. Yeah, it seems like the college of psychology would have the counseling programs (especially the ones I'd be interested in), but no both the people in the psychology dept. and the education dept. said I needed education for what I was describing. Anyway it's so awesome because I like definitely want to do this! Plus the application process is fairly easy (ALOT less work than either psychology or english would have been). AND to top it all off it's set up so that you can just take night classes if you want to! It's like really flexible in general, the first lady I talked to in the psychology dept. (who referred me to education), said that someone else in her department had gotten her Master's through this program and was even able to take a couple of those internet classes! (I know that sounds dodgy but I think almost all universities are starting to offer them now, I never took one but I know they did it at LSU too).
     
    I also mentioned to the lady that I was looking for a job and she suggested I try substitute teaching. Apparently all I need to do is fill out the application for the district school board, get like 5 letters of recommendation, and I think they do a background test or something, then I'm all set, and this job is apparently really flexible too! She said she knows people who do it and they get called frequently, but when they don't want to go in they just like don't answer their phones. I know that sounds like "skipping work", but it's kinda not because they just call you if they need you, and it's not like a set commitment on either party's part.
     
    So anyway I've actually always wanted to teach too! So now I have this fun idea running around my head of doing both jobs until next fall when (hopefully) I'll go back to school. I mean I could do the teaching thing during the day and the waiter thing at night/weekends. Plus school's going to be letting out for Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter then again in the summer (though I dunno maybe summer school's an option). So anyway I could probably juggle both a little. I know working two jobs doesn't sound "fun" to most people, but they're both things I've always wanted to try and think I'll like, besides if I just do both a little I won't have to do either alot and then I won't get tired of one of them . OHhhh hehe, and my 3rd option, and another thing I've always wanted to do obviously: freelance writing! I was checking out Craig's list online and there's quite a few ways I could do it, I'd just like write articles, submit them and get X amount per article. I just really want to write and it would be cool to get paid for doing it and to get it published! (even if it is just like a newspaper or magazine)
     
    So yeah, in the last 24 hours (well 25 now, it's taken me awhile to write this ) I've made a buncha new friends, gotten stuff sorted out with school, decided on a long-term career path (the counseling), and I mostly have the short-term job stuff sorted out too. Plus I had a blast and it feels like all this stuff just totally fell into my lap!
     
    So now, I'm going to go for a brief walk, then I'm supposed to go hang out with the new friends from last night again. Tonight we're going clubbing I'm going to be a good boy and not drink tonight though
     
    Anyway take care everyone and have an awesome day!!!
    Kevin
  6. AFriendlyFace
    Well I wanted to do a "sing along" blog in which people guessed the next lyrics of a song. However, unfortunately I hadn't restarted my computer in about 4 days and I finally gave in on me halfway through .
     
    LOL, but it's been awhile since I blogged so instead I'll include my response to writing prompt # 12. I had fun with it. I did take some "creative license" though. Here was the prompt:
     
    You awake one day to find a giant jar of mayonase about to attack you. Who do you think about? What do you do? Describe the situation.
     
    And my response:
     
    _______________________________
     
     
    Ding Dong! Ding Dong!
     
    I awoke to the sound of my doorbell ringing. Hurriedly I rolled out of bed, threw on a pair of boxers and a belt, and then rushed from my bedroom, eager to welcome my visitor.
     
    I quickly flung open my frontdoor to find a very cute delivery guy with a HUGE package.
     
    "Hi, are you Mr. A.F. Face?" my handsome caller asked as he looked at the clipboard in his hand.
     
    "Well I guess that's me," I responded hesistantly wondering why he was using my internet pseudonym.
     
    "This is for you then," he said as he wheeled the giant box into my living room. Then as he turned to leave he handed me a small envelop.
     
    "What's this?" I tried to ask, but he was already closing the door behind himself.
     
    Hmmm, how strange, I thought as I looked cautiously at the 10 foot tall box now standing in the middle of the room. Well maybe this well help explain the mystery, I thought as I began to open the envelop. I discovered a brief note written on GA stationary inside.
     

    Dear Kevin,


     

    Please accept this lifetime supply of chocolate syrup with our compliments.

     

    -Your friends at GA



     
    Oh boy! This is so awesome!!! I thought as I quickly ran to the kitchen and began making a very large brownie sundae. First I warmed the brownie ever so slightly, then I scooped on several generous mounds mint almond ice cream, next I sprayed a copious amount of whipped cream on the whole thing, and finally I sprinkled shredded nuts on top.
     
    "THERE! It's perfect, now all that's left is to add the chocolate syrup!" I said outloud, unable to contain my enthusiasm. I hadn't been this excited since the produce stand ran its sale on leeks.
     
    Finally I opened the box and laboriously removed the giant bottle marked "Extra rich, extra thick chocolate syrup". Carefully I tilted it onto its side and squeezed a generous amount onto the feast which awaited me. Oddly the contents which plopped into my bowl were white.
     
    hmm, must be white chocolate, I thought to myself as I brushed my blonde bangs from my eyes.
     
    Eagerly I grabbed a spoon and took a HUGE bite, swallowing before I had time to even process the taste.
     
    GASP!!!
     
    "This isn't chocolate! This is mayonase!" I blurted out in disgust. Immediately I could feel my arteries clogging and as I had a massive heartattack and fell to the floor I remembered that GA doesn't have stationary. My mind raced as I tried to figure out who could have poisoned me. It was too late though my heart slowly gave out under the pressure of all the fat and greese laden mayo. As I slowly breathed my last breath I thought, well at least I moisturized last night.
     
     
     
    Ten minutes later the same delivery guy returned to the home of the fallen chocoholic. He quickly set about stuffing the toxin-containing bottle back into it's crate. Next he layed the box on its side and, placing the corpse inside, he nailed it shut. Finally he wheeled it out and loaded it into his van. As he closed the back doors bright blue lettering became visible.
     
    We don't test our products on animals
     
     
    then in much smaller writting at the bottom:
     
     
    (we use verbose gay people who parody themselves in writing prompts instead)
     
    ____________________________________
     
    So chapter 2 of Indefensible will be ready to post tomorrow. I hope you guys like it, I had a lot of fun writing it . Please let me know what you think even if you don't like it though
     
    Chapter 3 was finished, but now I'm re-working it a bit. However, it should definitely be ready by next Monday. Chapters 4 and 5 are all planned out in my head so hopefully they hop onto the screen without too much of a struggle.
     
    And lastly, tonight is LittleBuddhaTW's Author Chat. It should be a blast so you guys please make an effort come if you can
     
    I'll hopefully do the blog I intended to do this time next time.
     
    Anyway have an awesome day everyone and take care!
    Kevin
  7. AFriendlyFace

    My GA Literary Debut

    By AFriendlyFace,

    So I finally did it. I finally managed to sit still and focus on an idea long enough to produce a first chapter.
     
    It's a story idea I had about 2 or 3 months ago. I frequently come up with story ideas. I even often conceptualize them to a high degree and plan out the plots and characters. Getting them down on paper is the hard part though, but I finally did it! I'm really excited about the story too.
     
    I hope to post it in the "Sneak Peaks" section within the week. I might still add a few things to the first chapter so I don't want to commit to it going in as the "official" first chapter yet. Ideally I'd also like to write the 2nd and possibly 3rd chapter before I start posting them in eFiction so that hopefully I can have a new chapter to post every week or two weeks.
     
    So a little bit about the story without telling you anything about the story. First off it's pretty dark. They'll be quite a few heavy issues covered and while I'm not promising a miserable ending for any or all of my characters I'm definitely not promising a happy ending for them either. (so basically they may all end up miserable or they may all end up happy just be prepared for either contingency. )
     
    There's essentially 5 or 6 "main characters" though if you absolutely cut out the strong supporting characters you could get it down to 3. There's also several "significant" characters so as of right now the main cast is about 12-15 strong. Each of the main characters have a story to tell and I'm not going to end the series until they've each told it. That said I have a very definite ending in mind, so this isn't going to stretch out and be a "never ending" story. It might be long (actually it definitely will be if I'm going to do it properly) and I reserve the right to alter my plans as I go, but I do plan to resolve the major issues and stop.
     
    So what kind of story is it? I want it to be taken on a philosophical, "what do these things say about life" level. Hopefully it'll make people re-examine some of the "certainties" to which they subscribe. (So obviously if you don't like your certainties questioned you probably shouldn't read it.) That said though it probably fits best into "drama", though I'm hoping to add quite a bit of mystery/suspense. There's a romantic theme running through it and I hope to make the readers "invest" in the relationships, but while that's a part of it I wouldn't even say that's the main part. The nature of friendship is also a major part. So hopefully there's something for everyone.
     
    Anyway I'm really excited about it and I hope you guys like it, but again these AREN'T admirable characters and while I think they have something "teach" about life I definitely don't want anyone using ANY of them as rolemodels
     
    I'll let you guys know when I post it and PLEASE give me your honest feedback (all positive AND negative criticism is desired) I don't expect people to "like" what some of the characters are going through, but if I'm not presenting it in a realistic and compelling way then I want to know.
     
    Anyway take care everyone!
    Kevin
  8. AFriendlyFace
    Everyday is so Wonderful
     
    I like a lot of songs. In fact I like almost all songs, but if I had to pick a favourite song a permanent favourite, not just a "flavour of the week", it would be Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. I really do feel like everyday is so wonderful.
     
    So I just finished that book that I mentioned in an earlier blog, Outing Yourself. Basically...I thought it was a load of crap. I guess some parts were useful, and interesting, but mostly I just finished it because I'm a sucker for case histories of real people and this book was full of them. The problem with the book is that the author literally claims all gay people are filled with self-loathing. Not only this, but, according to him, we never really defeat this demon, but instead must battle it every day (like alcoholism). He also doesn't just state this theory and move on. No, he makes it the foundation of the book. I swear he might as well have called the book, "Problem? That's because of your self-loathing".
     
    I know I'm not perfect; I have some issues, but if there's one thing I'm quite certain of it's that self-loathing, low self-esteem, and destructive behaviour aren't among them. I really really like me and I treat me REALLY well. Not only that I LOVE my life. I've thought countless times in the past, "I wish everyone could be as happy as I am", or when I'm in a cockier, more playful mood, "It's ashame everyone can't be me for a day!" Most days my thinking follows along the lines of, "What fun activity am I going to get to do next?!" I know that sounds horribly smug and obnoxious and I don't mean it to; I'm VERY thankful for the extremely blessed, serendipitous life I've led. I've had more than my fair share of kindness and generosity bestowed upon me and when I look around at all the people going through strife I really wish everyone else could be so lucky.
    I am beautiful no matter what they say
    Words can't bring me down
    I am beautiful in every single way
     
    So I went and had my hair done today. NO, I didn't get it "cut", although they did trim it a bit. No, I had it "done". See in Houston they put out this little phonebook thingy called "The Rainbow Pages", basically it's a guide to all the gay/gay friendly businesses in Houston. Anyway I selected the place from there. I was there for over an hour and a half! First off she trimmed it to start the new style I want (it still needs a couple months before it gets to the length I want, but it's moving in the right direction now anyway ). Then I selected a new colour. I decided to go straight blonde with no red at all. However, they did it as highlights instead of doing the whole head, but they still pretty much got everything visible...it's hard to explain, but it looks great! Anyway then she conditioned it with this AWESOME stuff (my hair feels so smooth and silky! ). THEN she straightened it all for me. OH my gosh she did such an awesome job! She totally nailed the look I was going for too. She even got the part right and trimmed my bangs to accenturate the part (and indeed the whole look) perfectly!
     
    It was just amazing! Going back to my previous topic, if there's ever been anything I didn't like about myself it's my hair. It's curly/wavy and I want straight. It has a lot of body and I want it relaxed. I've never liked the natural colour (not that I can even remember the natural colour very well at this point ). I guess it was brown. Then again some people have described it as red. Other's blonde. And this is my NATURAL unaltered colour I'm talking about. So I guess it's somewhere in the nexus of all three. I've always wanted VERY blonde though, or bright, deep red, or even black. I've dyed it every which way imaginable, and I usually really like the results....for a couple of weeks. But it's never comes out like I really wanted; it always comes out some other fun colour and I think, "well, that'll do I guess". But THIS time! WOW! When I first looked at it after it was finished it was just...PERFECT. I actually thought I could be on the cover of one of those magazines. All I could think was, "God! I look so HOTT". I looked just like the kind of guy I can't take my eyes off of. So yeah it was REALLY expensive, and realistically it'll probably only look like that when I have just spent close to two hours getting it fixed. But I don't care. I've never liked it this much and if it NEVER looks that good again I'll always have the memory of the evening I spent with "perfect" hair. (Pardon the narcissism)
     
    Actually I did go to the gay cafe' when I finished (had to show off my new do ) and I flirted shamelessly with the cute guy working and...he flirted shamelessly back ....then his boyfriend showed up to drop something off Oh well, he wasn't THAT cute anyway. He did make me a really killer desert though!
     
    Anyway while I was there I read the latest issue or The Houston Voice and there's this one section "On the Record" which is just a bunch of quotes from celebrities and political leaders. Anyway this one quote was so stupid, and it totally brought back all that nonsense the guy from the book was saying (even though the guy in this quote is clearly anti-gay and the book guy is clearly very pro-gay)


    "I have never once seen a happy homosexual. This is not to say there aren't any; I simply haven't seen one in my lifetime. Maybe they are all in the closet. All the homosexuals I've seen are sickly and decrepit, their eyes devoid of life." ~ Stephen P. Laffey (some Republican mayor and senate candidate).
     
    I mean geez!! What the heck! Are happy gay people really such an anomaly? Is it really so hard to think of gay people as....gay? Returning to the book there's this one exercise where you're supposed to write down all the adjectives you wish applied to gay people like, "intelligent, confident, funny, charming" etc. Anyway you're supposed to envision all these things you wish gay people were. Then of course he goes on to make the shocking revelation that GAY PEOPLE CAN BE THOSE THINGS . Is it really such a tough thing to believe that we were all supposed to gasp and say "Really?". Frankly I've always held the opposite biases, which realistically I know aren't true, that gay people are MORE intelligent on average. Are generally more sophisticated, charming, and funny. That they Are actually NICER than the average person. Now I know logically that isn't true, but that's the immediate stereotypes that spring into my head and they always have, long before I ever identified as "gay". I definitely don't mean to offend anyone. I do get that it's common for people to go through a lot of turmoil about being gay and I really respect and feel for people who've struggled with those things. I'm just surprised that according to these people that's the rule rather than the exception when I look around (here and in "real life" ) and perceive many happy gay people.
     
    You are beautiful no matter what they say
    Words can't bring you down
    You are beautiful in every single way
    Yes, words can't bring you down
     
    Actually there were a couple of other quotes I wanted to relate. First off:


    "I'm not gay damn it. I am attracted to female children" ~ John Mark Karr (the guy who was suspected of killing JonBenet)

     
    Then I read this really nice one:
     


    "I think it's really unfair that there has to be some kind of standard for marriage. Marriage should be about celebrating two people's love for each other. It shouldn't have anything to do with someone's sexual preference." ~ Christina Aguilera
     
    I've always liked her, even without taking the song into consideration. She's a hottie too!
    I also think Morgan Fairchild is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen (random I know, but she really is).
     
    Anyway I wanted to do a poll for this blog entry, but it seems they're no longer possible (unless I just don't see how). I was going to ask "Are you happy? Yes or no" So anyway I can understand that that's probably something many people would prefer to keep anonymous, but I would appreciate seeing how the votes go. HMMM, I may just start a topic to this effect in The Lounge. Anyway this was that "heavy" blog entry I've been talking about writing...I meant to make it heavier, but I was in an especially good mood.
     
    Anyway take care everyone and have a really REALLY awesome day!
    Kevin
    'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
    Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
    We are beautiful in every single way
    Yes, words can't bring us down
    Don't you bring me down today
  9. AFriendlyFace
    {Paraphrased scene from Friends}
     
    Ross to Susan as he surveys their book collection: "You guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian"
    Susan: "Yeah, well you have to pass a test or the won't let you do it"
     
    So I was at Barnes & Noble and I realized that my own personal library was completely devoid of books about being gay. So I sauntered (I was going for a gay book after all) over to the Gay Studies section. A long with three other titles (I'm also now the proud owner of The Joy of Gay Sex - which actually, not quite as hot or informative as I was expecting, but I figured it's a "must have" for a modern gay boi ) I decided to purchase a book on "coming out". I mostly consider myself "out", but there's still some family and old friends left that I need to tell so I figured why not. Anyway, interesting thing about buying a book about coming out, you kind of have to already BE OUT to buy it. I'm definitely out enough to buy it. It was actually kind of fun watching the sales clerk try to act casual and unflustered, but the irnoy struck me. It's sort of like getting a book on wedding planning AS a wedding gift.
     
    "Why thank you, MaryJo, I'll be sure to keep this handy for after the devorce when I'm dating seriously again."
     
    I also noticed an intriguing label on my facial cleanser. It seems I needn't worry, the product wasn't tested on animals. Now I think that's a very good and important thing for some consumer goods. Like chain saws for example.
     
    "yeah Bill, looky here, this baby'll take the head off a full growed elk in 3 seconds flat *spit* says so right here on the box."
     
    Still it is a relief to know that no where out there is a white rat having to endure "radiant, non-oily skin" *gasp!*. We all know they don't test condoms on animals. Rodents have notoriously poor access to birth control. This is of course how rabbits got such a bad rap. Of course they don't test those coming out books on animals either. No, the prefer to use young gay people.
    "Well that sure didn't work! George, make a note to leave sky writing out of the revised edition."
     
     
     
    Anyway take care all and have an awesome day!!
     
    Also I do hope no one takes anything in this entry seriously. I have the utmost amount of respect for the coming out process and I'm firmly against all animal testing. Besides I've already decided what my next entry is going to be about and it'll be painfully serious.
  10. AFriendlyFace
    So my boss is always talking about how our clients don't buy the product first, they buy us first. It's been a slow week. I guess I just need to get out there and "sell myself".
     
    I guess I shouldn't complain though, I've pretty much been taking it easy. It's hard to get back into the habit of working. Especially when I don't have to (I'm an independent, self-employed agent of the company, so unless I do something actively wrong - I. E. damaging to the company - I won't get fired and can pretty much do what I want). I definitely want to get rolling, and I plan to, but I don't really mind easing into it.
     
    Today was pretty good I got some stuff done...not as much as I should have, but some. I even impressed the boss a bit. I was supposed to go out and leave info and stuff with 2 of my coworkers, but the other 2 didn't show (one did call though). So my boss was actually like thanking me just for doing what I was supposed to be doing in the first place . Anyway I think once I actually get down to brass tacks as it were I'll do pretty well. I'm enjoying it for the most part.
     
    Anyway I really want to make it work because I just love how flexible and low pressure it is! So I'm planning to be really good and productive tomorrow .
     
    In other news my grandfather had his 85th birthday today! He's in really great shape, mentally and physically, for a man his age. I hope I'm that well off when I'm his age....actually I doubt I will be though. I'm already ditsier. I also don't get near as much excercise as he did at my age. OH, I think I get a pretty good amount, probably much more than the average American, but he was actively working on a farm walking leveys, shoveling rice, and repairing fence when he my age. I just go for a walk in the park and do some exercises everyday...not bad...but not the same. Anyway I'm counting on modern medicene to keep me from loosing my marbels and being physically decrepit.
     
    I also realized today that I can never "go home" to any of my old familar places. My family home definitely wouldn't be the same now that my grandmother's Alzheimer's is getting worse. Not that I'd want to live there anyway though. I haven't in over 4 years and I've been much happier and better adjusted on my own. It's just ashame how different it is. I also can't go back to my rook site or my spade site, both are literally GONE now! I guess it's just as well that I wondered away from both before they went defunct, that makes it a little easier, but it's still ashame. I do still have the means to contact the people I used to play with/be friends with if I wanted to, and I could go to the new places...but I'm sure I won't. There's also obviously no going back to anything I had in Baton Rouge either. I guess it's pointless thinking about it, it just makes me a little sad that all the old familar places are completely gone now. But I'm happy in Houston and I'm happy at GA, so I'll just press on. Besides I like adapting. I'm after new adventures and I didn't PLAN on going back to any of the old ones anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter if they're there or not.
     
    Speaking of new adventures as premature as this sounds I've already decided that I want to move to NYC sometime in the next 5-11 years. I want at least 5 years to properly explore Houston, then, depending on whether or not I can get a transfer at work, I'm off to the Big Apple (if I can't get a transfer it'll be 10 or 11 years). From there? Well I don't know yet. I think I'd love to live NO WHERE for 2 or 3 years and just travel around Europe and Asia, the uncertainty of that WOULD have been enough to make me seriously freak just 2 years ago, but I'm not the same in that regard. Frankly I think I'd love it, as long as I could do it comfortably that is (no "backpacking" for this boy thanks), I've never "roughed it" in my life and I sure don't plan to start as I get older, lol I'd be lost without my wardrobe, and skin/hair care products . LOL so I'll definitely have to wait till I've gotten a bit (well QUITE A BIT) more money, but I think I'd love it. I think I'd like to end my days in Canada or the UK. Probably Canada. America just needs to get a whole lot more liberal (and butt out of everyone else's business) for me to want to stay here forever. [disclaimer: I'm not knocking America, I love it here and am appreciative for all I have. I'm just expressing my own personal opinion and not trying to convince anyone to go along with it.] How would a boyfriend fit into all this? Dunno, I'd stick around where ever if I were in a good relationship, I'm by no means in favour of living my life without a soulmate, or leaving one behind/making things more difficult, but I'm not going to settle or give up my indepenence for just anyone either. SO I guess it all depends on the person, where I meet him (or her I suppose. I don't plan to be with a woman, but I think it's too closed minded (for me personally) to rule that out, besides if I'm honest I'm like 5% straight and I don't really care about all the labeling junk. I'd rather a guy in most cases but I'll fall in love with whomever I fall in love with), and where we each are in lives. But it'll work out Besides all these silly plans are just pie in the sky anyway. I doubt most of it will materialize, but it's nice to dream
     
    Anyway I'm sorry if I offended anyone in this blog, it might have been a bit more blunt and obnoxious than I usually am in my blog entries, but that's just what was on my mind tonight and I didn't particularly feel like censoring.
     
    Have a fantastic day and take care everyone!
    Kevin
  11. AFriendlyFace

    Everyone

    By AFriendlyFace,

    Everyone's got this part inside of them that is so beyond beautiful if you could only see it. It's like if you truly knew the person, any person, in all their glory you'd be so dazzled, so awe-struck, that you'd never want to let them go, never want to look away, even for a second.
  12. AFriendlyFace
    So they finally processed my insurance license and issued it Monday. Thus I've actually been working this week. Well sort of. I'm off to a rather slow start, but I hear that's typical. Still a bit of a downer though. Still I shan't give up! (nor shall I quit using archaic grammer)
     
    Mostly this week I've been struggling to get on some type of schedule that makes more sense. I guess I'm a little bit closer, but I'm just fighting my natural inclinations to stay up until the early morning and then sleep until the early afternoon. It's not a pattern I've gotten in from all my time off, it's a pattern I've been in since I was born.
     
    Anyway my plan for today was to get up at 8:30 and go into the office all day and work there where'd they'd be less distractions and more people to offer advice/tips. (I'm technically "self-employed" so I set my own hours, and can work completely from home if I want to - well there's one meeting a week that I'm "strongly encouraged" to attend but anyway) So anyway I got up at 10:30 ( ), and went to have a shower. The thing about showers though is that one of their primary components is water. Without water you're just standing their naked rubbing thick, gooy, liquids all over yourself. My shower was lacking in water . My bathroom sink was similarly afflicted, as was my toilet. No surprise of course given their close proximity; if one catches an ailment the other's bound to get a bit sick too. The real shocker, however, was that my kitchen sink had also contracted this rampant case of plumbing dehydration. :wacko:
     
    A quick call to the management in my apartment complex confirmed what I was already strongly suspicious of: the water's off. Apparently it'll remain off until about 4:30 while they do who knows what. In the mean time I can't have my shower, or even brush my teeth . The thing about me is I'm kind of a stickler for personal hygiene. On a typical day I take between 2-4 showers/baths, and brush my teeth 3-5 times. Sounds a bit excessive I know, but it's because I like to do both activities morning and night ..err when I wake up and go to sleep , and then again each time I exercise or go for a run/walk. I also have a tendency to let my distracted side take over at least once or twice when I go to the bathroom for routine purposes and before I know what's happened I've brushed my teeth. So anyway being waterless is quite a sucky predicament for me to be in.
     
    I just feel too icky to go out, and obviously it would be exceedingly stupid to go for a run or something when I can't shower or bath upon my return. I guess I could work a bit now from here, but the evening is actually the peak the time to do it anyway. My mouth feels to grungy to to eat anything...plus I couldn't brush my teeth after, and it would have to be prepared waterfree...SO food consumption's out. I might read a bit, but chances are I'll opt to partake in one of the best methods known for passing the time (minds OUT of the gutter,,,I'd want a shower after that :king: ): I'm going to go back to sleep for awhile. Sure it'll screw up what little progress I'd made realigning my schedule but whatever.
     
    On the bright side since I literally stockpile bottled/jugged water in my pantry I've got plenty to drink. So at least I won't catch the dehydration bug. Anyway take care and have a terrific day everyone!
     
    Kevin
  13. AFriendlyFace
    So today was good. I had two meetings at work. Anyway my license still isn't in so I'm not actually doing anything (or getting paid before you guys think what a good deal I've got ). Anyway during the meeting my boss mentioned this to everyone so it was kinda fun the whole meeting just stopped and everyone started talking to me telling me how much it sucked, and to hang in there and stuff lol.
     
    So then I came home and read a bit and took a nap, that was fun. I sleep so well! ....lol it sounds like I'm bragging....I guess I am, but I sleep really well . Anyway then I got online and had a nice chat with several people. Then I decided to get dressed, and I wasn't even planning on getting dressed up...and I guess I didn't really, but I kinda liked how it turned out so I spontaneously decided to go out (Shocking for me, it's not that I'm not spontaneously it's just that it usually takes me at least a good hour to get properly ready).
     
    Anyway I went back to that restaurant where I made the biggest mistake of my life encountered that gorgeous guy last time. I didn't see him this time though . The cute waiter was there but he was serving the other side of the restauarnt so all we did was exchange smiles. (hehee I can't use the expression, "exchange glances" or "exchange pleasantries" or whatever without imaging the people involved physically passing things back and forth. Like something shocking happens so "Oh my gosh did you see that?! Here have a glance", "ohh wow, that was surprising! Here's a glance for you too").
     
    After I finished dinner I DIDN'T get dessert. Instead I decided to go to the cafe' next door (It's all owned by the same person, in fact they share the same bathrooms you can walk down a long corridor in the back to get from one place to other; I didn't even have to go outside). Anyway while I was waiting in line to have my cake (I ate it too) I ran into my friend Brad and his boyfriend Michael. So we all hung out for awhile, it was really nice catching up with them. They were being really adorable and bickering. Plus Brad was getting jealous of some guy he was talking to online (the cafe' has a wireless connection for laptops); it was really cute.
     
    Anyway he introduced me to his other friend, Seth. Who was quite an odd character. Now I know I'm not one to talk , and given the choice between boring, normal people or eccentric, weird people I'll always take the latter. Seth was just kinda...well self-involved. To a laughable extent. Like I was trying really hard to get to know him, and we were talking and he was saying how, "it's such a curse to be so intellectual, I mean I just can't stop thinking about things." I just thought that was a bit of an odd thing to say to someone you barely know. I said, "I bet that makes it difficult to sleep", and he agreed that it did. (Given this statement I just realized that my prior comment about sleeping so well makes me seem ...anyway).
     
    He was nice enough though, and he definitely said one thing that made me feel good. He was asking everyone how old they were, concerned that me might be the oldest, so after I told him my age I asked how old he THOUGHT I was, and he said, "oh about 20". That made me happy. I love it when people think I'm younger than I am. I was very happy when I got ID'd last time I bought alcohol. I guess I shouldn't worry about it, no one ever thinks I'm older than I am, and most of the time people say "late teens" or "about 20" if I ask what they thought. So I guess it's all good...it's just I'm about to turn 23 and I KNOW that's not old, and I'm not saying it is...it's just that literally my entire life (even when I was like a young kid) I've thought, "22 is the perfect age" so I guess I'm just not happy about leaving it behind. Plus I just feel like I should be doing other stuff with my youth. I guess everyone sort of has things in mind that they want to have accomplished by a certain age, and I guess I'm not that far behind, it's just there's alot more I wish I'd accomplished by now. Also I guess it's kinda tough having a birthday in a new city, I don't really have any close friends here, in fact I doubt anyone in the city will even know it's my birthday. Anyway it sounds like I'm whinning about it...and maybe I am...but the whole point is I'm actually feeling much BETTER about it.
     
    ************************************
     
    Anyway I'm not very tech savy and I have a few questions I thought some of you folks might be able to answer.
     
    1) If I use the messenger(s) that came with my phone do I pay per message like it's a text message? Or do I pay based on how long I'm online? Or is just some kinda nifty free service? ***hopeful look*** (I know you guys don't know all the details about my phone contract or whatever, but just typically how does it work? I have Cingular BTW)
     
    2) I downloaded Friends and I'd like to burn them onto a disc, but apparently a season is bigger than a disc (and it just seemed annoying to have to have several discs per season). Is there anyway to convert the files to some smaller format or something (Like how an MP3 is so much smaller than a....wmv or whatever it is)? If I do will it still play in a DVD player? Would it anyway?
     
    3) My firewall program (which came with my computer) has suddenly (it never used to before about a month ago) begun blocking Firefox. Not a single website will come up. I can turn it off, and do (gee maybe I shouldn't say that online ), but is there anyway I can just make it recognize Firefox? When that started happening I got Opera, but Opera wouldn't play any videos so I got rid of it. I really prefer Opera or Firefox over I.E. because they use tabbed windows, I can't stand all those windows everywhere.
     
    4) Speaking of tabbed windows, the main thing IMO that AIM had over MSN messenger was tabbed windows (Didn't regular AIM eventually get that? I used to use dead aim way before regular aim ever had it -for that reason- but I thought it eventually got it). Now, however, I seldom use AIM and primarily use MSN. Is there a program or version of it I could get that would have tabbed chat boxes instead of having to have several all over the screen?
     
    5) Also related to # 3, it seems my Opera problem was somehow related to my "java" **shrugs**. I totally don't understand Java, I THINK I'm running the latest version, I went to the website and downloaded what they have, but it still wasn't working. Also I've recently begun going into GA chat again (every now and then), and it keeps kicking me out. Someone suggested it might be a java problem. (....Geez is it any wonder I gave up coffee? )
     
    Anyway I don't want anybody to have to go out of their way to find the answers for me, but if someone already happens to know I'd appreciate it if you told me
  14. AFriendlyFace

    "This Is Love"

    By AFriendlyFace,

    No I'm not in love myself, but the guys in this video are:
     
    This Is Love by Jason and Demarco
     
    Check it out, I'm not sure how long that link will work though, right now they have the # 1 video there, but I'm guessing that changes daily or weekly, but you should still be able to find them in the list for a week or so I would think.
     
    I guess as far as love songs go it's fairly generic, but the video is so cute and sweet! It made me giggle in delight several times lol. It's also cool because you know the song is specifically a gay love song (even though there's really no way that I noticed to tell from the lyrics). Anyway it's just awwwww
     
    Here's their home page if anyone is interested in finding out more about them:
     
    Jasonanddemarco
     
    Their bios are pretty cool, and apparently they've been together a few years too. I read about them in the Houston Voice.
     
    While I'm on the topic of music I just want to say that I think the Chicago soundtrack is surely one of the best ever! As long ago as it's been since that came out I still listen to it regularly (especially recently like at least once every couple of days for the last 2 or 3 months). I think my favourite song is "I can't do it alone", but it used to be, "When you're good to mama".
     
    Here's something that will probably shock EVERYONE, in fact I probably shouldn't even confess it, but when I first saw the movie on the big screen I was actually somewhat sexually attracted to Queen Latifa in that number. It was just really sexual, especially the line "Spice it up for Mama, she'll get hot for you" where she does that thing with the handkerchief! I also got a big kick out of, "they say that life is tit for tat, so I deserve alota tat for what I've got to give" . Anyway it was just a passing attraction I'm not like obsessed with her.
     
    *******
     
    In other news I had a really good day today. 120 push ups (as well as huge numbers of 8 other assorted exercises) and an extra lap run in the park and I'm finally caught up on my daily physical fitness from the time I took off for my 2 day trip
     
    I also got a completely free meal! I'd recieved this coupon in the mail for a free Burrito at this chain Mexican place. So I'm thinking, "well I'll probably have to add a couple of things", because most burritos aren't that big (plus I was really hungry all I'd had all day was a thing of yougurt). BUT when I went through the line and had this sucker made it was huge!! I got chicken, onions and bell peppers, salsa, guacamole (sp), rice, and corn in it! It actually ended up being so big I could barely finish. It was really good too! Plus since I only drink water that was free too lol! OHHHH and THEN on the way out they had free issues of the latest Houston Voice . heheh and I'm proud of myself for bringing this blog full circle. Although it was actually June's issue that featured J&D, but picking up todays edition reminded me of it and made me go home and find the video online!
     
    I was also really good about my housework. I did two loads of laundry and changed my bed. I also finished unpacking from the trip (I'm really bad about slacking when it comes to unpacking).
     
    On top of that I had a nice, long chat on the phone with one of my new coworkers. Her timing couldn't have been better either I was just getting to the park and that's when I love to do my phone talking. So I chatted with her almost an hour while I walked my first lap (they're REALLY big laps, like over 3 miles), then shortly into the 2nd one she hung up and I finished it jogging .
     
    Anyway so all in all it was a nice day...well except that I also found out I STILL likely had "two to three weeks" to wait before I FINALLY get my insurance license and can begin working. Honestly there's no point in calling anymore. I could save myself the minutes on my phone bill and just listen to piano music for 20 minutes then look in the mirror and tell myself, "two to three weeks". . See I took the test on June 25th, they sent the paper work, but the company that processes everything had relocated and failed to leave a forwarding address . SOOO by the time they got everything back and resent it to the correct address it was July 10th. Now I'm not sure what happened next, but something went wrong because they had to RESEND it on July 20th. So I'm still waiting from that. **Sigh** at this rate it really might show up around my birthday, which started out being a sarcastic JOKE.
     
    Well have an awesome day everyone and take care!!
  15. AFriendlyFace

    Return to Eden

    By AFriendlyFace,

    So I got back late yesterday from my trip to visit my family and attend my friend's graduation party. Before I get down to other stuff here's an amusing highlight. I passed this sign on the way that was advertizing a restaurant two hundred and ninety-two miles away! As well as listing a few of the menu highlights they also raved in large print about their "Fabulous Restrooms". It's like, "well lets go there! I know it's like four and a half hours away and we're all hungry and we have to pee, but we can just cross our legs and gnaw on our fingers till we get there darnit!!"
     
    Anyway the graduation party was a lot of fun. Visiting with my family...well it was fun...sorta. It was good to see them again, but it felt like there was this black cloud hanging over everything; like everyone was unhappy and only waiting for things to get worse. My grandmother's Alzhiemer's is advancing. This is making her increasingly hard to live with. She's apparently getting progressively meaner too.
     
    I went out to lunch with my mom and, as she always seems to be doing when I've spoken with her recently, she was complaining about my grandmother's condition and the difficult, unpleasant position it left her (and my grandfather in). She was saying how she got absolutely no privacy or time to herself. How she had to explain (several times) where she was going, what she was doing, and when she'd be back. Finally she looked at me and said, "I hate my life". She also mentioned that while she's been getting worse lately she's always been difficult to live with. She even said she was one of the reasons she got married at 20 and moved away....then noted the irony that she ended up back in the same place anyway. (My parents were married 15 years before I was born, then they devorced when I was 2 - it didn't have anything to do with me my dad was having an affair)
     
    I also had a long conversation with my grandfather, who's still sharp as a particularly dangerous tack in fact he explained to me how to work the cordless phone. Anyway I've always been impressed with how well he's always handled everything, EVERYTHING. Apparently though she'd just said something dreadful because he said to me, "I just don't understand how a mother can say things like that to her children, or a wife those things to her husband". (I won't actually repeat the things). Anyway then he recounted a story of a few years ago when he was in the hospital for heart surgery and my grandmother was in a bad mood and first told him off, then told my mom off, then insisted that they leave. Apparently though the nurse overheard everything on the monitors or intercom thing or whatever and when she went back in she said, "Will you have anyone to take care of you when you get out, I mean besides your ex-wife." He was too embarrassed to explain otherwise too.
     
    I may be depicting my grandmother in a very unflattering light. I don't mean to. She definitely has her good points, quite a few actually. She was also easier to get along with before her illness. We were particularly close when I was a child. She's still consistantly nicer to me than anyone else in the family. Of course I suppose it's because I "play along" when she asks/tells the same thing over and over, and because I don't really "bite" when she gets ornery. On the other hand I only had to deal with it for about 36 hours much of which I spent away, and still my patience was definitely getting thinner by the end.
     
    I also visited my aunt and cousin. It was a nice visit but their situation isn't great either. My aunt....has a drinking problem. She quit her job several years ago and has spent the last few years drunk and running up credit card debt. She also doesn't seem to have any intention of returning to work...ever. I'm not entirely sure what her plan is, but I think it must be along the lines of waiting for my cousin to finish college and living off her. It sounds dreadful, but I'm sympathetic towards her...I think she struggles with depression. Granted if I had to guess I'd say it stems from her life situation and not genetics, but it's still pretty crummy.
     
    Then there's my cousin. I still think she's really a lesbian. I also just found out that the girl I was thinking she was secretly seeing (who seems even more like a lesbian) was moving to Houston (small world after all). So if I'm right it must be pretty cruddy for her ...even if I'm wrong it's still cruddy losing your best friend of the last 6 or 7 years. My cousin unfortunately seems to be getting more and more passive agressive. I'm sure this is a result of living with her strong-willed (and fairly controlling) mother for so long. The poor girl STILL doesn't drive and she's going to be 21 in Jan.
     
    As for Timmy, well I left him with them. He'd done a pretty good job of endearing himself with my mom and both my grandparents. On the other hand he was also completely freaking out. He cried nonstop the first night. Always seemed to be looking for something (we speculate it was Lucky), and also spent a good deal of time hiding under various furniture. They've decided to leave him in the house for a few days until he gets acclimated. I think his time inside will be short though as whenever I was in the room (and he apparently felt safer) he went straight to work returning to his bad habits . So I guess the more secure he gets the worse he'll behave. Still he settles down enough to go outside I suppose he'll be okay.
     
    Anyway as a drove away and began my journey home I realized something: I can't fix it for them. I can't solve their problems or take away the burdens. As always I was deeply concerned and sorry for them. I desperately wanted to make it all better, but I realized I couldn't. I could join the misery. Perhaps even buffer them a little against each other and the rest of life's attacks, but in the long run I couldn't really make the problems go away. I realized something else too: I'm happy, very happy. I love my life, I enjoy everyday. I'm constantly looking forward to doing new things or continuing to enjoy the old, familar ones. I'm not bored, and I'm not sad, and I'm not going to feel guilty about that. I'm sure this whole entry classifies as TMI and also makes me come off snotty and selfish, but I've worked to make my life into what I want it to be, struggled to remain positive in the face of unexpected problems, and I'm going to enjoy it darnit! I love them and I'll do anything and everything I can to help any of them, but there's no point in sacrificing my happiness to join them with their stress. So I won't.
  16. AFriendlyFace
    So I was going to write this whiney entry complaining about all the things I couldn't do. All the things I used to know and can't remember; all the hopes I had that didn't pan out; all the skills I had that I've lost. Then I realized, What the heck am I whining about? I should just get out there and learn it/relearn it/do it.
     
    I'm sick of making excuses, lowering my standards, and playing for sympathy. I'm sick of doing it the easy way. I'm sick of worrying. I'm sick of playing it safe. And I'm sick of talking myself out of stuff I want to do. So I'm done. Instead of wishing and whining, I'm actually going to do it.
     
    There's nothing wrong with me; there's no reason why I can't accomplish anything and everything I set my mind to. I'm young, intelligent, resourceful, energetic, and good looking (and I'm NOT going to apologize for this little bout of conceit). I'm going to just do it!
     
    So here's some of the things I want to accomplish:
    Languages I want to learn:
    -French
    -German
    -Spanish
     
    Places I want to go or live:
    -The British Isles
    -Western Europe and the Mediterranean
    -The Orient
    -Australia
    -Canada
     
    Instraments I want to learn:
    -Piano
    -Guitar
    -Drums
     
    Skills I want to learn:
    -Ice skating
    -Swimming
    -Skiing
    -Riding a horse
    -Archery
     
    I also want to relearn pretty much EVERYTHING. I need to brush up quite a bit. It seems like everyday I hear about something and think "oh yeah I used to know about that".
     
    So here's what I'm going to do TOMORROW to begin to get some of this done.
     
    I'm off work tomorrow so I'm going to go ice skating, then I'm going to the Library where I'm either going to study something from History or something from Science or both. Then in the evening I'm going back to my online Spade League. I enjoy the game and it was good mental exercise.
     
    Basically I don't want to waste anymore time; so I'm not going to. So here's what I'd like to ask people reading this to do to help me. Tell me something interesting. I don't care what it's about, just pick something that you know that most people probably don't, from ANY area, and tell me. I want to expand my knowledge base. Anyway thanks and have an awesome day everyone.
     
    Kevin
  17. AFriendlyFace

    A Decision

    By AFriendlyFace,

    A year and 9 months ago I took him home. He cried the whole way home while his sister lay next to him peacefully resting. Once I'd gotten them inside and let them out of their box he promptly went and hid behind the washer and I barely saw him for the next week. Meanwhile his sister busied herself exploring their new home and encouraging him to come out and join us.
     
    Eventually Timmy settled settled down and while he was still nervous around people he was mostly sane. He'd often get himself into trouble, spill things, shred things, but mostly he wasn't too bad. Lucky was always a little angel.
     
    On the way to Houston he screamed his head off the entire trip. Lucky (from what I told) slept for most of it, but would give a soothing, purring response if spoken to.
     
    Now that we've all been here for awhile and everyone's had time to get into a new routine in a new environment one thing stands out: Timmy's bad behaviour. He's always been a handful, but lately he seems much worse. He's constantly shredding things, messing up the carpet, climbing on things he has no business climbing on, and screaming his head off. He's also being purposely bad. He'll get on a table or desk, look at me, sometimes even speak to me, then knock things off. If I shoe him off of one thing he'll often go straight to something else he's not meant to do. A few weeks ago he broke a window, and more recently he shredded a semi-important document. Basically he's driving me crazy.
     
    In less than 24 hours I'll be leaving for a visit back home. I'll get to see my family and I'll be attending the graduation party of a good friend. If I made the decision I could take Timmy back with me and leave him at my mom's. He'd be an out door cat which is a catch 22 kind of situation. He'd have more room, and he'd have more things he could play with, but it would be a more dangerous environment for him. He'll definitely remember my mom and probably my grandparents and he likes them. The main problem would be that the two most important in his life wouldn't be there - myself and Lucky. It's just a hard decision to make.
     
    I definitely feel like this is what I want, I'm just fed up spending all my time saying, "Stop that" and cleaning up after him. I know they'd treat him well, and in many ways I think it might be best for him. It's just that he and Lucky are SO close. Not a day goes by....heck not 4 hours goes by, without them laying together, cleaning each other, or gently playing. I've never seen two cats that were closer. Seperating them seems like a horrible thing to do...which of course honestly is why I took Timmy in the first place.
     
    It just brings up so many complicated thoughts and feelings for me. I mean on one level I just feel like a failure for not being able (or willing??) to handle him. I'm scared of the implications this has with regards to my potential skill as a parent. I'm also worried it makes me selfish in general, irresponsible. Yet on the other hand it's like this seems like the perfect opportunity to solve the problem, he'd get a good home, and I could quit worrying about everything. When it comes down to it I just don't particularly like the idea of spending the next 10 or 15 years of my life babysitting him....but then that makes me feel mean and selfish again.
     
    I also keep putting myself in Timmy and Lucky's place. I mean their relationship is really quite nice. It almost seems like seperating two people who were in love. I mean it's just a terrible thing to do. Plus as needy and clingly as he is I have no doubt about his affection for me. I really do love him...but as my mom pointed out I've always favoured Lucky. Well perhaps not...I mean they're just very different, you have to care about them in different ways. Lucky's really what I wanted and expected from a cat. She's a total doll, cuddly and affectionate, but very low maintance. She's seldom clingy, she's not loud or rambunctious; she's very self-contained. Timmy's just the opposite. I don't know what I'd have done without her to help look after him all this time. I couldn't get a moment's peace if she wasn't there to help divide his attention. I just don't know how they'll do on their own. I mean I think she'll be sad at first but get over it and keep doing her own thing. With him I have no idea, he really seems to need her.....
     
    Anyway I'm just not sure what to do. On top of that I feel guilty and selfish. I also feel like this is an embarrassment and disappointment to my mom. She didn't exactly say that so I'm probably just projecting here, but it's like if I compare coming out to her and this...well it's like with the coming out she might have been disappointed about the situation regarding biological grandkids, but I wasn't really concerned that she was disappointed in me....this seems like something she might specifically be disappointed in me about. I don't know it's probably projection though I'm disappointed in myself...On the other hand I'm sure this is the decision I want.
     
    Anyway as of right now (of course I've been back and forth at least 5 times in the last 24 hours with my mind "firmly" made up) I'm planning to leave here tomorrow around 7:00AM with Timmy. I'll be there until late Tuesday so he'll have me around a little bit at first to perhaps ease the transition and if he's absolutely miserable I can still take him home with me. Assuming he stays I guess I can think of it as a "trial seperation". I wasn't planning on going back for my birthday at the end of the month, but if he's miserable, and/or Lucky and I are unhappy, then I guess I can go back and pick him up then.
     
    It's just a crummy situation on lots of levels regardless of what I ultimately decide. Feedback about this would be appreciated, I'll definitely look before I leave in the morning and I'd be happy to hear reasons why I'm making a mistake (and thus could reconsider) or why I'm doing the right thing and should rest easy.
     
    Anyway best wishes to all and lets all keep Mark in our thoughts (and prayers if you're the type) for a full and speedy recovery!
     
    Kevin
  18. AFriendlyFace

    Laughing at Life

    By AFriendlyFace,

    So you guys ever hear something which makes perfect sense in the context, but you just stop and realize that if you actually try to picture it literally and take it out of it's context it's REALLY funny?
     
    I pretty much do that with everything. It makes life so much more interesting. I guess it's because I'm easily distractable and a fairly creative thinker. Here's one interesting example which took place a few days ago. I was sitting in my psychology of neurophsyiology class, the subject matter of which I absolutely hate, listening to my professor, whom I absolutely adore! (she's so fun and whacky), Anyway she was talking about animals becoming dependent on drugs and alcohol. And she was talking about how difficult it was to get the rats drunk, because "it's really hard to get a rat to drink straight alcohol." I mean ok that makes sense, rats don't like bitter tastes, it's a perfectly logical thing to say in the context. But if you just take it as a random comment, it's really funny. Even funnier if you actually imagine the little guy sitting on a tiny bar stool at a little miniature bar talking to the bar tender.
     
    Bar tender: "Can I get you some tequila shots?"
     
    Rat: "NO! I can't stand straight alcohol, but you can whip me up a Strawberry Margarita if you want." (The little guys like sweets)
     
    Of course it's even funnier when I realized I was just like the Rat! (I like mixed drinks better too, and I can't get enough sweets!)
     
    Then there's just the absudity which can be seen by a 3rd party witnessing a couple of perfectly normal people having a serious conversation about something mundane. I can still remember a couple of years ago (yeah that's how funny I thought it was, which is odd in and of itself considering it was rediculously NORMAL) I was in a waffle house and the waitress and cook were standing around talking. The cook says "you know I never even knew we had a ham salad" waitress: "you didn't", cook: "nope, I knew about the turkey salad, and the club salad, but no one ever orders the ham salad", waitress: "you're right the ham salad isn't as popular as the turkey, but some people get it."......they just went on and on about the apparent existance of the ham salad. And personally I think the phrase "I never even knew we had a ham salad." is kinda funny taken out of context.
     
    I mean imagine it taken REALLY out of context, and put into some new context. Just picture some poor women pacing back and forth in her living room, waiting for her husband and children to get home. The phone rings.
     
    "hello" says the women
    "hello, may I speak with Mrs. Jones"
    This is Mrs. Jones"
    "Ma'am, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, there's been an accident."
    "What! oh my heavens no!"
    "I'm afraid your husband ran a red light on the way home, the children are fine, but your husband is in intensive care."
    **Silence**
    "Ma'am are you okay?"
    "....yes, its jus...it's just that.... I never got a chance to tell him...I mean I never... Well "I never even knew we had a ham salad"
     
    Then there's the ever popular thoughts I have that make me stop and say to myself "wait, are you actually debating this in your head?". Maybe I've just got a strange internal monolgue, but last week I went to Wal-Mart, and among other things I was in the market for (see I think THAT'S kinda funny, I was "in the market for",,,I was in wal-mart because.....lol anyway) spaghetti sauce. So I'm walking up and down the isle saying to myself "well here's the salsa but I can't find the spaghetti sauce.", then I finally found it and I was trying to pick out which one to get "well this one's chunky, but this one has onions and bell peppers, I like onions and bell peppers. Oh wait here's one with mushrooms, I LOVE mushrooms, oh but it's more expensive than the one with onions and bell peppers. What's the sodium in these things anyway? Gee, if only they had one with mushrooms AND onions and bell peppers." And at the point I just stopped. I mean how many people walking past me in the isle would be trying to figure out what I'm thinking, and go with "gee, if only they had one with mushrooms AND onions and bell peppers.". It's actually a really soothing thought. I mean regardless of life's stresses and my other obligations, I'm still actually taking time to lement the fact that they don't make spaghetti sauce with mushrooms, onions and bell peppers.
     
    Of course it's actually really fun to try to figure out what's going on in OTHER people's heads while they're shopping. You know the kinda thing, where you see someone picking out strawberries and limes and things. And you just assume they're thinking "Geez, maybe now I can get that pesky little rodent drunk."
  19. AFriendlyFace
    So first off this story doesn't have a happy ending. In fact I'm thinking this is pretty much something I'll regret forever.
     
    *************************************
    So today I decided I'd go out, have some fun. I was thinking, "well I'll go eat at a gay restaruant (there's several of those in Houston), maybe catch a movie, shop a bit (nothing fun, I just need groceries), and maybe drop by a gay bar/club."
     
    So I took a long bath, shaved (everywhere ....well not my head), rubbed lotion everywhere, fixed my hair, got dressed, sprayed on some cologne (well I guess it's colonge...maybe body spray...well anyway whatever you want to call it) and left. Oh it's important that I tell you what I wore. I had these cute black and white shoes (well I think they're cute), one of my tightest pairs of jeans , my favourite belt (which is saying something )- the black one with the fun buckle and differenty spikey shapes and stuff- and my solid blue T-shirt that says "Sure to be grounded this time tomorrow".
     
    So anyway I went to this Vietnamese restaurant (yeah I know it sounds like I'm under-dressed, but the climate in that area is such that you can really get away with anything really dressy or really casual). Well as soon as I park and walk by the window on my way to the door I glance through it and see this REALLY hot guy sitting there. So I go in and the maitre' D sits me at the next booth. Now let me explain the seating. He's sitting in the middle part of the seat on his side of the booth with his two friends (who I think were boyfriends) sitting on the other side. I'm sitting at the next booth facing towards him. Like the OTHER side of my booth would have been the side attached to the part of the booth his friends were sitting at. I'm also sitting in the middle part of the seat so we're like looking directly at each other through/in between his friends.
     
    So all through dinner I pretty much can't stop staring. He's GORGEOUS, and JUST my type. Like if you asked me to describe my perfect type of guy it would almost sound just like him. He had blonde hair and blue eyes (of course ), the most amazing smile, great teeth, cute dimples.....*sigh* he just looked beautiful. To top it all off one of his friends was, for some reason, taking pictures of him with his phone (well I say for some reason, heck I wanted to whip out my own phone and get a pic too! ). So anyway he's actually like posing and stuff at one point. He even did this really adorable seductive one eyebrow raise. And at another point in the meal someone said something and he did a surprised one eyebrow raise, which I never realized how cute that was but . It was amazing, the boy could not STOP being cute, no matter what expression he had on his face.
     
    So anyway when I got there they were talking to a waiter, I mean for a REALLY long time, so I'm thinking he's their waiter (I mean you'd think), but eventually he says, "well let me go clock in so I can at least get paid for talking to you guys", so he must have just been their friend. Anyway he was really cute too, and the funny thing was I was flirting with him no problem (although he wasn't my waiter either, my waiter wasn't my type...though I'm sure he was gay, like everyone in the place was ). Yeah, the other waiter kept like walking by and we smiled and said hey to each other, and then each time he walked by we kinda smiled...so yeah I was flirting just fine with him, sexy boy on the other hand... I just don't know what my problem was, I mean like I said we were facing each other (and I was captivated by him), so we kinda made eye contact a bunch of times, but each time we did I just smiled nervously and looked down. I mean what's my problem???
     
    So eventually I finish eating and pay, and I'm pretty bummed that I'm going to have to leave without talking to him....but I mean how are you supposed to talk to some guy at another table? (this is a serious question so feel free to answer it) I did try one more time to flirt a little though, after the waiter (my real waiter ) brought back my card I like stood up and made a production about putting my wallet back in my pocket while half turned so he could get a good look at my butt (although given the tightness of my jeans it wasn't a total act ). So finally I decide there's nothing more I can do and I start to walk out, now of course I have to pass their table to do it. That's when something COMPLETELY unexpected happens.
     
    As I'm walking by his table he stops me. So he looks at me and smiles and says, "wait, what does your shirt say?". So I smile and stand straight so that he can read it, and he laughs and smiles and says something like, "ohh goodness, I bet" (or something joking that indicates amusement)....at this point I'm like really stunned and flustered. So I basically just giggle like an idiot and ....and.....and... walk out! I frickin walked out! I didn't even say ANYTHING. But worse I didn't even stand there long enough to let him keep the conversation going. I mean geez what more did I want from the boy, it's hard enough to just stop someone and start a conversation with a stranger in a restaurant. He definitely did his part. How hard is it to say, "I'm Kevin", or, "So what are you guys up to tonight?", or, "This is the first time I've been here, the food's good". I mean geez anything he coulda worked with, OR just stand there and make him think of something if all else fails, but no....instead I decide to walk away from the most attractive gay guy to ever pay me any attention (in real life, you know I think all you guys are smoldering sexy ). SHARP MOVE KEV
     
    Anyway I was so upset with myself I actually got lost coming home, and I certainly wasn't in the mood to do any of that other fun stuff I had planned. I mean EUGHHHH that was like best case scenario and I totally blew it. To top things off I'm scared I actually hurt his feelings, I mean it's not easy to take a chance and talk to a stranger like that. I HOPE I just seemed like an idiot and not a jerk who won't give people the time of day. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
  20. AFriendlyFace

    A Year Later

    By AFriendlyFace,

    In about three hours it'll be my one year anniversary here at GA. As such I thought now was as good a time as any to compare how things are different now than they were a year ago. Especially how this site has impacted my life.
     
    I'm not sure so much what I want to say. I've typed several paragraphs and deleted each one. I guess what I'd basically like to say is thank you. It's exactly a year ago that I finished reading TLW and joined GA. I used to keep a Livejournal and I've just gone back and reviewed what I wrote (I actually had two entries from the 19th). There's no doubt about it: I'm in a much better place emotionally and psychologically. Of course EXACTLY a year ago was when I was in the midst of a boarderline emotional breakdown (stemming from LOTS of things relating to my future all coming up at once), but even that now withstanding I think I'm better off.
     
    I also think that it's because of GA and all of you guys that I am. You all have been a wonderful bunch of friends and it seems I found you all just when I needed you the most . I can't imagine what the last year would have been like without you guys, but I'd bet any amount of money that I wouldn't be as stable, happy, healthy, and productive without your support and advice.
     
    Looking around I see that most of the major things in my life are all different. Even my likes and dislikes, and interests are very different. I don't think they were so bad before, but I like the way things are now. So thank you, all of you. You've all brought many positive things to my life
     
    Take care and I look forward to spending another year with you all.
     
    Kevin
  21. AFriendlyFace

    Tired

    By AFriendlyFace,

    The last few days I've been pretty blah. I don't know what the deal is; I'm usually a pretty energetic person, but lately all I want to do is sleep. I went to bed freakishly early last night, slept for about 11 hours...and now all I want to do is crawl back in bed, and I've barely been up 2 hours. This is pretty much the same thing I did day before yesterday. Yesterday I forced myself to stay up (well till I went to bed really early), but I was definitely worn down most of the day. I kinda hope I'm getting sick. I hope this because it would at least make sense then. Of course I hope it's nothing serious .
     
    I know the best thing for me would be to fix myself up, and just go out. I've just been hanging around in PJ's or sloppy clothes the last few days. This is always a bad sign for my physical/emotional state. I don't think I'm cut out for "comfortable clothes"...they make me ....uncomfortable. Well I like them to sleep in, but see that's because they tend to suck the energy out of me...and that's ideal for sleeping, but not for day to day life. Perhaps part of it is that I'm actually more or less in sync with the rest of the world's sleep schedule. I'm going to bed at night instead of staying up till at least 3 or 4 and sleeping till noon. You'd think this would be a good thing, and it's nice in lots of ways, I do prefer to keep those hours...but it's very unnatural for me, perhaps that's why my body's rebelling.
     
    I've basically been on one long vacation ever since I moved in mid-May (well a little before actually, I quit work about May 8th or 9th). I don't think I'm bored exactly; I'm very seldom bored. I'm never at a loss for things I want to do...I just seem to be at a loss for the energy to do them. Anyway I'm ready to "start" working. I've had a job for what a month now? But I still haven't actually started. See first I had to do training, then I had to take my licensing exam, and all that went fine, but now I'm waiting for the state, and the company to process all the paper work and send me my actual license. Until that happens I'm just in limbo. It'll probably still be another 2 or 3 weeks . You'd think I'd be happy about the long break from work. And I really am, I've been having fun, it's just that now my savings are dwindling a bit and I can't afford to do most of the things I want to do.
     
    I do have some specific things I could write about...like my 7 hour adventure at the DMV, or random other incidents and activities. I sure these would be slightly more entertaining than my whining....but I don't feel like writing about them. Anyway sluggish and blah or not I'm going to force myself to get moving today. I'm going to go have a nice hot bath, shave, wash and fix my hair, slather on some lotion ( and sunscreen of course) then put on something that doesn't make me look like formless blob. Then I'm going to go out and find something entertaining to do.
     
    Take care everyone
     
    Kevin
  22. AFriendlyFace
    Hey everyone, so I was thinking maybe you guys might want to see what I actually looked like. So dispite my extreme dislike of just about every picture I've ever taken, here's a few. I also have some Lucky and Timmy (I didn't let them look so I don't know if they like them or not, but I think they're adorable )
     

    I'd just gotten out of the shower in this, thus I'm sure you guys can appeciate why it isn't a full body shot. My hair isn't this colour anymore I had it a little darker in an attempt to look more "professional" while I was looking for a job.
     

    Okay so I'm not the world's greatest photographer, this is about the only where I manage to not be half out of the picture or cut my head off ....ohh and my hairs a mess in that picture
     

    That's my new current hair colour
     

    Timmy is the orange and white one on the left, and Lucky's the one on the right. They're brother and sister and as you can see quite close
     

    Lucky sleeping with Timmy in his chair.
     

    Lucky in her own chair. hehehe she's there right now too.
     

    Timmy kicking back.
     
    Anyway that's us. Have an awesome day everyone!
  23. AFriendlyFace

    I Wonder...

    By AFriendlyFace,

    I tend to wonder about a few things. Here's a sample:
     
    About This Site
     
    I wonder how I can change the email address on my profile when I don't know my password (it stores it and logs me in automatically), and can't get it emailed to me since the email address isn't correct.
     
    I wonder what RSS feeds are.
     
    I wonder why it only lets me quote 10 times in a post (then it just shows the words "[ quote ___ ... / quote] " ), but then if I try to add a second post right behind that to finish what I was saying, It appends the new post to the previous post and usually does the new additional quotes correctly.
     
    About Life
     
    I wonder if anyone ever stops, "Spinning their wheels" or if they simply give up and go to something else and/or lower their goals/expectations so that they seem to make progress.
     
    I wonder why everyone (myself included) makes it so much more complicated than it needs to be, and why we all, at least occasionally, need to get our priorities straight.
     
    I wonder why it does seems so much like a book or movie sometimes, filled with irony and unbelievable coincidences.
     
    I wonder if anything's ever black and white (I don't really think so).
     
    I wonder why no one is ever satisfied (for long).
     
    About Myself
     
    I wonder if I'll ever make up my mind...about anything
     
    I wonder if I'll ever consistently manage to focus on my goals and do what needs to be done to attain them instead of just realizing what needs to be done then wandering off.
     
    I wonder if any of my goals even particularly matter. Accomplishing them or failing to accomplish them really won't effect how I feel long term anyway.
     
    I wonder if I'm extroverted or introverted. I like people, but I often live in my head. Perhaps I should just invite everyone else to live in my head with me....naw there's not even enough room for me as it is.
     
    I wonder if I create my own problems to keep myself entertained.
     
    I wonder why I have to keep everyone else entertained.
     
    I wonder why the abstract is so much more appealing to me than the concrete; why, for me, subjective things are so much preferable to objective things.
     
    About Others
     
    I wonder why "A" never applies herself, but doesn't seem to be afraid of failure
     
    I wonder why "B" refuses to try things on the basis that he might enjoythem.
     
    I wonder why "C" consistantly changes her mind, but still thinks each time will be different.
     
    I wonder why "D" chooses to live with irreconcilable points of view instead of just changing his mind about some of them.
     
    I wonder what "A-Z" (and beyond) really think about themselves, each other, and me.
     
    ***please note A, B, C, and D all represent people I know in the flesh, and have physically interacted with and not anyone I know from GA.
     
    About Philosophy
     
    I wonder if my colour blue and your colour blue look the same. Or if perhaps what I percieve to be blue is exactly what you percieve to be red and we just call them opposite terms and see them in different objects. (I'm not just talking about colours either).
     
    I wonder why the theory of parsimony is the gold standard when so many things in life, the mind, and even nature are anything but parsimonious.
     
    I wonder why "I think therefore I am" finally did it for Descartes. After wondering so much about the existence of everything else I'd have had no trouble thinking my thinking was the thought of by something else.
     
    I wonder how eternal life or final death will/would work. I can't quite get my head around existing eternally or simply ceasing to be. Reincarnation seems, to me, more implausible than either in pure logistical terms. Yet the concept of breaks in awareness is slightly easier for me to swallow. I could see "starting over" with no memory or anything else...it's just implausible and not in line with my personal beliefs.
     
    I wonder why.
     
     
     
     
    If anyone has any insights into any of these quandaries, or simply more questions of their own, I'd love to hear them.
  24. AFriendlyFace
    So this won't be a particularly cheerful entry just to let everyone know.
     
    I went to Wal-Mart the other night. Everytime I go I check in the music department for this cd, but they never have it. They didn't this time either. However, on the way out I saw The Fray cd. So I bought it on an impulse. I'd really liked "over my head", of course I'd already downloaded it, but the trouble with that is you don't get to hear the less popular, unreleased songs, and sometimes those are the best (like this time ). So anyway I'm driving home and this one song came on and it was like WOW. I mean it could have been written about/for me. It described exactly how I feel:
     


    "Heaven Forbid"
     
    Twenty years, it's breaking you down
    now that you understand there's no one around
    Take a breath, just take a seat
    your falling apart and tearing at the seems
     
    Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
    Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
     
    It's on your face, is it on your mind
    would you care to build a house of your own
    How much longer, how long can you wait
    It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away
     
    Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
    Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
    Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
    Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
     
    It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)
    It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)
    It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)
    It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)
     
    Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
    Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
    Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
    Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
     
    Out of this one
    I don't know how to get you out of this one
    I don't know how to get you out of this one
    I don't know how to get you out of this one
    I don't know how to get you out of this one
    I was going to bold the parts that were particularly relevant, but it's like the whole thing is particularly relevant.
     
    I mean I'm happy, I really am....just not always. It's funny too, it's always at the weirdest times. Like it was actually the night before I bought the cd, and I was suddenly feeling down and lonely, and I tried to shake myself out of it, remind myself I was being irrational. I mean just the night before that I went to that party and had a great time then went out with my friends. Yes, my new friends. I mean okay we're not that close yet, but they're definitely my friends and everything's going fine. Also at that party (which I'm really going to blog about eventually), I was talking to my upstares neighbour and I mean it's like I'm sorta even making a connection right here, right next door. Plus I'd just gotten off line and finished talking to a few other really nifty people ( ). So I don't know why I was suddenly all lonely and emotional, but I couldn't talk myself out of it, and the really amazing coincidence is that I finally gave up and reminded myself, "don't worry, you'll be fine. It won't hurt in the morning." I mean heck that's practically, "Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright" .
     
    Of course I know why I couldn't talk myself out of the loneliness the other night. Why it didn't matter that I'd just spent time with friends. Obviously it's because I'm looking for something beyond platonic. I mean Heaven forbid I end up alone. This part struck me ALOT too:


    It's on your face, is it on your mind
    would you care to build a house of your own
    How much longer, how long can you wait
    It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away
    It's so messed up though. I mean I've always been a firm believer in, "if you can't be happy by yourself you can't be happy with someone else.", and all the many derivatives like "you have to love yourself first" etc. Well I mean I do love myself. I'm one of my favourite people! Yay me! And I am happy by myself (at least 95% of the time). But I guess there's still that something missing. I mean just because I can be okay on my own and happy doesn't mean it's my first choice....well sometimes it's my first choice, I can't say I regret the time I've spent single. Freedom is nice and I've had fun, but I guess it's "getting old"....or maybe it's me that's getting old(er). I have to admit I often think, "well if you don't find someone permanent in the next few years it'll be harder". I mean, I like the way I look right now (I guess there's no way to say that and not sound self-involved so screw it). I'd like for the person I end up with to at least get to be with me while I'm at my best. I know it's not impossible to find true love later in life, I know it's probably not even unlikely if you go about it right, but...well it's like a quote from another song I like, this one by Eve 6 called Good Lives :


    Good lives are gold, like the oldest story
    Will mine be told while im still young and horney
    (great now I sound shallow and sex-obsessed). But it's true, I would like my story to be told while I'm still young and horney. Not just horney, but engergetic in general. I'd like to run around, play games, travel, climb stuff etc with my soulmate . And I know I can still do that stuff with him when I'm in my 40s or 50s +, but we won't feel like it as much, we'll need to rest longer in between, that might be about ALL we do that day etc. And I can (and do) do that stuff now by myself or with friends, but it's not the same.
     
    Heck it's even my mind as well. I mean my mom and grandpa for example have better short term memories than I do. So yeah obviously older people can stay very sharp, but the key part of the phrase is "than I do". I'm already extremely absent-minded and scattered. The sad truth is it'll probably only get worse the older I get. I'd like to meet my future husband (I still don't particularly like that word, but it's just word, I know I want to get to married...I guess I just feel like it's supposed to be me that's the husband ) while I'm still able to remember his name! "ohh you look familar", "yes sweety, we got married last month".
     
    Anyway I'm being silly, whiney, self-involved, and probably offensive. But "it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to, whine if I want to, you would whine too if it happened to you." (bonus points if anyone can guess what 60s song I modified to serve my purposes ). Anyway I'm done with both my complaining and my singing for the evening. Sorry if I did sadden or offend anyone. Take care and have an awesome day everyone.
  25. AFriendlyFace
    So I had a good time last night, and I'm going to write all about it (in another entry), but first I want to talk about a...well I guess "sad" thought I had in my head for some reason when I woke up. More of a "what could have been" thought.
     
    It's funny what's in your head when you wake up. Every now and then I wake up with songs stuck in my head (having a song stuck in my head has never particularly bothered me so it's all good). Sometimes other random feelings or thoughts. Well today for some reason I woke up thinking about my best friend growing up.
     
    Well I guess I should explain that when I was a kid I had several "best friends", but he was probably my best "best friend" for several years. Cody was his name (yeah same name as the waiter I mentioned in an earlier entry. I've always liked the name, maybe I'm more inclined to like guys with the name. Possibly even because of him...anyway). We were really close through junior high and high school. In 6th grade we were friends. In 7th grade we were really good friends. In 8th grade he was definitely my best friend. He was probably the first person, whom I wasn't related to, that I (almost) completely trusted. In 7th and 8th grade I had a crush on him. No two ways about that. In fact I imagine that's why we became friends. Oh I had lots of friends I wasn't attracted to, and we clicked pretty well so maybe it would have happened anyway, but truthfully I imagine that had something to do with it. Anyway by the end of 8th grade I'd mostly gotten over those feelings...mostly. It was weird, I mean obviously it's hard to tell and your perception is going to be distorted if you're attracted to someone, but I often felt like maybe, just MAYBE he felt the same way. Of course I later decided that was just wishful thinking.
     
    A few odd things happened though. Like the fact that he tried to seduce me the summer between 8th and 9th grade (well I'm sure we wouldn't have "gone all the way", but he had some messing around in mind). I have no doubt that's what he was trying to do, and even then I knew that's what he was trying to do. BUT I didn't go for it, more like jumped up and changed the subject. I think he was hurt, definitely mad and embarrassed. I was just...freaked out. I hadn't really sorted out my sexuality, but I knew he could get me into "trouble" . I dunno on the one hand maybe I was trying to deny my feelings. But I also remember thinking something along the lines of, "no, this'll mean more to me than it will to you". That was the only time anything overt ever happened. I chalked it up to the whole "teenagers experimenting thing". I still do think that, I really do, it's just that now I wonder a bit. He always treated me differently than the rest of our friends. Better. More thoughtfully, more protectively. Still I always thought it was because we were close. It probably was. One time in my junior year of high school I was telling my friend Philip about an argument we'd had the night before. I told him all about how it started when I picked him up, progressed over dinner, and culminated on the way home. When I finished he just looked at me and laughed and said, "Geez, it sounds like you guys are dating".
     
    Anyway looking back today with more clarity and perspective, I just couldn't help but wonder a bit. If I had to guess I'd still guess that he was straight. It's just that if he isn't....MAN, did I blow it! Actually I honestly wasn't particularly attracted to him once we got into high school. I no longer had those kinds of feelings for him, and he really was "in the friend zone". But who knows how things could have been different? It could have been good, REALLY good,... theoretically
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