AFriendlyFace

That must have been one very interesting phone conversation! Great to see you back, Luc -Kevin

After years as a blond, I'm typically a red-head nowadays. I have to say it definitely seems like the kind of thing people either love or hate! Personally when it comes to other people I love it, but it seems that for every person that loves it another thinks it makes the person ugly or at least considerably less attractive. I would definitely say it's the most controversial hair colour. I look pretty 'natural' as a red-head unless I do an extreme colour (which sometimes I do ), so most of the time people think it's legitimate and even my natural hair colour has enough red tones that I have been described as a red-head before. In any case I'm always amazed by the sheer number of people who seem to only want to talk to me because I have red-hair (or at least use that as an excuse/major motivator) as well as the number of people who seem to automatically lose interest in me as a viable possibility. Of course for me this is fine since one of the main reasons I like having red hair - apart from liking it on others - is because it is more 'edgy' than most other colours, and the way I often dress and behave probably just accentuates that even more lol

To an awesome friend and an incredible person! Happy Birthday!!! I hope you have a fantastic day, Vancy and an even more amazing year, you deserve it! -Kevin

Congrats to Sacha and Jason I'm celebrating the site being back up!

I agree; double standards for men and women drive me crazy!

Not to 'put you on the spot' but what if your partner simply had some sort of accident that rendered sex impossible? Would that also equate to "I love you, but I've got needs I have to take care of"?

EXACTLY! I'm fine with and understanding of people who are in the closet for very valid reasons that would relate to their safety and security, but it seems to me that the majority of closeted people don't have a very good reason and are instead just looking for justification. I have a friend who until recently wasn't 'out' at work, but believe me he wasn't fooling anyone and I can say this confidently because I actually met and interacted with his co-workers and saw him relate to them. There's no way anyone didn't know, and it also wasn't risky for him to be out, but he still wouldn't do it until one of them finally point blank brought it up. My reaction was, "GREAT!". He was irritated that the person would do that. Normally, I'm all about people's coming out process being exclusively about them and allowing them to wait and do it at their own pace, but there comes a point where it just gets a little ridiculous. He wasn't in any kind of danger, he wasn't 'struggling' with his sexuality (he's very out in other aspects of his life), and everyone knew anyway. As far as I'm concerned he had no excuse for not doing it sooner and setting a positive example by being open about it. Let's be careful not to lump them all together. I've known quite a few gay friendly and accepting Baptists and one of the Baptists churches in town had a vigil service recently to honour and commemorate the victim of a gay hate crime. It really all comes down to the particular denomination of Baptists as well as their geographic area. I also have a friend who regularly attends a liberal Baptist church with his boyfriend, and they're quite open about the nature of their relationship. Well said. I forgot to quote Procyon's original post in this thread, but I have to say I think it was incredibly thoughtful and spot-on! I agree, it is more of a 'male' thing than a straight/gay thing, and of course it's not every male, but as has often been pointed out quite a few straight guys would sleep around a great deal more as well if women were as inclined to have casual sex as males in general often are. (Only 'often' not 'always') Anyway, my surprise would stem instead from the fact that the guy had actually had that many partners and kept track. Are so many people really inclined to keep a count of their encounters? Especially when it reaches a higher number that can't easily be determined by simply thinking about it. I mean it's easy to keep track if you've been with less than 4 or 5 people, but unless you actually are writing it down or otherwise keeping some sort of a list, I can't imagine knowing you've had 60 versus 50 or 70. Take care all and have a great day Kevin

Oh I thoroughly agree! That song would definitely make my list as well! I've always loved it That's a very good song and one I quite like, but I don't think of it as incredibly romantic, personally.

I agree; Brian's cool.

Awwww Yay, for making your day then! Of course we didn't think ill of you! We just thought you were out having too much fun celebrating to respond

18?? Man! Weren't you 15 the other day? Happy Birthday, Kurtie!!! I hope you have a fantastic day on this milestone and may the coming year bring you all the happiness, joy, and success that you deserve! You're a terrific person and it's been great having you around and getting to know you! (Just think you'll be older than me soon ) Have a great one! -Kevin

WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!! Congrats, Old Bob!!! :king: The pleasure of those two years has been all ours! Manic poster or not, your posts are always engaging, relevant, and all around a pleasure to read. Indeed, personally speaking I can attest to the fact that your posts are among the ones I'm always most eager to read! Here's looking forward to another two years and many more hundreds of posts! All the best, Kevin

I pretty much completely agree with you on all points. Personally, I couldn't care less how many or how few guys the author (or anyone else) has slept with, and the only think I might have criticised him for IS the fact that his 60 guys don't equal 60 condoms. THAT, in my personal opinion is pretty stupid and careless in today's times (for anyone, but especially for someone who's obviously having casual sex), but I'm not going to get on my safe sex soap box right now, and while that sort of thing does disappoint me and tick me off, unless I have a personal attachment to the person even there I try to mind my own business. I also find cheating to be particularly reprehensible, but if he was single and so were the people he was messing with (or they had some sort of 'arrangement' within their relationships about this sort of thing - not that I would want or tolerate such an arrangement for myself but if other people want to set up their relationships that way more power to them) then yeah, it's his business not mine. Anyway to be blunt my opinion of someone who's had 60 (or more) partners and been diligent about safe sex, not cheated on anyone, and stayed within the confines of what was comfortable for both (or more) people involved is alot higher than my opinion of someone who's only had 6 partners (or less), been reckless and careless about safe sex, screwed around, and/or forced themselves on people or otherwise taken advantage. Just my thoughts, and I also think the important thing is to move on with your future in a productive, positive way, not to dwell on the past or keep making mistakes because 'you've already failed'. Anyway, to directly answer the question (lol imagine than! ) my response would be much like Robbie's: I won't go around going off on people for erroneously assuming things about me, but I'll correct them if they do. Take care all and have a great day -Kevin

I have some direct experience in this. I do substitute teaching all over the area and thus I travel to all sorts of different schools. I have to say that in general it's really not that big an issue at all. I'm struck by how many openly gay kids are in schools today! It's quite inspiring. My best experience was with this one small school were like everyone was really open-minded and accepting. I heard quite a few positive remarks about homosexuality and saw a larger number of openly gay and lesbian students than normal (despite the much smaller school size!). So yes, I think things are getting better and they do have good schools for this if you know where to look I thoroughly agree! Once again, I thoroughly agree! Exactly! VERY well-said! Personally speaking I really really wish I had gone to such a school. I've actually never had any really bad experiences with homophobia. The only physical confrontations I ever had with people in my youth were about non-gay things, were as much my fault as theirs, and frankly on those few occasions I was the clear 'winner' of the fight. I've also never been the victim of anything more than a random, quick homophobic slur and even then never by anyone I actually knew. So I know I've had it pretty good in this regard. Nevertheless, in my present life almost all the people I interact with regularly and to any significant degree are GLBT and/or allies, and frankly I just have a lot more fun with these people! I'm okay with straight people who aren't big supporters of gay rights (assuming they're at least neutral on the subject or pleasantly silent), and I know how to interact with them, but as I said, I just prefer the company of other members of the GLBT community and the straight allies with whom I know where I stand. So, even though I had a very happy and positive high school experience (it was actually one of the happiest periods in my life, which is saying something ), I think I'd have enjoyed an all GLBT school even more! Who knows though, I might not have. Perhaps I'd have gotten sick of all the gay people and by now I'd be avoiding all my current friends and hanging out in straight bars with guys named 'Bud' and 'Skeeter'. *shrug* That's very much how things were at my high school as well.

WOOO HOOOOOO!!!! That's awesome, James!! I'm really really happy for you! Congrats!!!!!

Amen to that! Good to know the reason for your reduced presence is a happy one Still I do miss you, so I hope you'll continue to swing by occasionally What if the person is a woman? Well, I'm not too horribly hairy, but I aspire to be completely smooth so I have some considerable hair removal to do myself. Personally speaking my strategy is to only keep the bits that people are going to see smooth and let the rest go for awhile every now and then. Then just get rid of it if I think there's a chance I might be showing extra skin OR if I'm going somewhere special or doing something nice. In that case, even if I figure there's very very little chance of 'exposure' I still like to do it because it makes me feel extra-sexy and sensual. As one of the adamant 'no hair' people, I'd like to address this point. For me, I've never claimed to like 'real men' or the 'rugged' type. In fact that's the opposite of what I like. My physical preference has always been to guys that could be described as 'beautiful' or even 'pretty' in some cases. It's not just physical either. I tend to like my guys emotive and sensitive as well, not to mentioned refined, well-cultured, and polite. Intellectual and witty are massive pluses too. I like the stereotypical gay guy. If I had to date guys that were like guys in the traditional hyper-manly sense...well no way in hell! I'd literally much rather date women, and I'm just about bisexual enough to pull that off. Either that or I'd probably opt to avoid romance completely. Watching old movies with the traditional 'tough guy' type, they do nothing for me. If all guys were like that I would assume I was straight. In fact it is for all of these reasons that it took me so long to work out exactly whether or not I was gay, straight, or bi. Now I know that I'm 'gay' and I just have a very specific 'niche' of attraction. Well, I have opinions about female attractiveness, and unsurprisingly given my position on male body hair, I have to say I have even less patience for it on a woman. To be graphic, whereas I'm pretty neutral about pubic hair on a guy if I were going to be with a woman I'd really like for her to be smooth there (and everywhere else but her head). First off, welcome to the site, Greenmann! It was a very awesome post and I enjoyed reading it very much! To answer your question, I think you've got a great point! It's something I've considered myself, and to be completely honest I have to admit that I'm not really in to older guys at all, and the only exception would be if they looked considerably younger. It's something that's given me serious concern! I've often wandered, "what if I meet this great guy when he's in his 20s and fall in love and then by the time he's in his 40s or 50s I'm no longer interested?" It's a scary thought and it makes me feel very shallow and cold to consider such things. To be honest, I still don't really know the answer to that question. I can only assume (and hope) that if it's a guy I'm very much in love with by the time those things gradually happen they won't matter anymore. I'm not so much worried that I'll get tired of him and leave him or be unfaithful, because I know I would never do that. I just worry that I genuinely won't be physically attracted to him any longer. I would still expect to have stay with him, and even to continue to have frequent sex...I'm just not sure I'll really be into his body anymore. As I said, scary thought. I'm somewhat consoled by the fact that gay and straight couples seem to affirm the same thing: the physical stuff is just less important as the relationship persists and deepens. I believe it will be that way for me, and I concede that a fit guy in his twenties will probably always be more appealing to me than one in his 40's or 50's, but I do assume that if I've already got one in his 40's or 50's I'll still continue to love and cherish him and prefer to be with him. Basically, I guess what it comes down to is that I can easily imagine being in love with an older guy, but I can't really imagine falling in love with an older guy. Thus, if I'm honest it'll probably be the case that if I don't have a partner by the time I'm an older guy, I'll be one of those guys looking for a May/December romance. I guess it sucks, and again I have to concede it's really shallow, but I know quite a few people who prefer older guys. And I think that's really wonderful if it makes them happy! And I can see how it could make them happy! I can see quite a lot of things that an older guy could offer, so hopefully if I don't have a partner by the time I'm older I can find one of those younger guys who wants an older guy. Anyway, I have a very youthful, energetic personality, so I think even if I do get older physically, I'll remain 'young at heart'. Anyway, to conclude I know all my posts and comments in this thread have been very superficial and shallow. Well, we're discussing something that IS superficial and shallow and only giving my honest opinion so that's just the way it is. I also stand by the statement that these are only my opinion and I personally know tons of people who hold the full range of other opinions. I think the bear culture has a great deal to offer the gay community and it can be really good and affirming to a lot of guys' self-esteem. A very very large contingent of people also prefer the move 'average guy' type. Or prefer the more hyper-masculine type. My statements are not meant to be judgment statements at all. Those are only my opinions and they're only my opinions about superficial things. I have a lot of opinions about non-superficial things as well and in many if not most cases the serious, deep stuff trumps the superficial, shallow stuff. Besides all that, I'm personally friends with and very close to guys on the full range of the spectrum from ultra-femme to ultra-butch, and I care about them all and love being friends with them. None of these statements are about people I'd like in general and want to get to know better, only about the shallow aspects of my physical attraction. Anyway, so ends another epic post Take care all Kevin

I could never get into "When You Say You Love Me". I adore "The Rose" by Bette Middler, I've never heard the Westlife version, but I checked it out; it was pretty good! It's a really good song in general I also checked out "Flying Without Wings", it's a pretty good song, but not really my taste. But wow! Those guys are seriously cute! I'd never really realized that before. Are those their real eyes in that video for the song?

BENNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Jeez! I really miss you! I hope your birthday is even half as special and wonderful as you are and may the coming year bring you all the things you want and need -Kevin

LOL, I think a longer week with more off days would be a great idea! Just the other day I was pondering how I think the work day/week is too long. Simply put I just don't want to spend nearly a third of my life at work! That's just way too much. I think the traditional 8 hour work day needs to be to cut down to no more than 6 hours, and I think we need more vacation time annually too. I was reading some statistics recently about how America (and I think Japan) had the most working hours per year out of all the industrialized nations. I think that's so unfortunate. Not to sound overly lazy but an abundance of leisure time in which to pursue hobbies and social interests, or just to exercise and relax in, has always been one of my biggest priorities in life. I'd prefer cutting working time, but increasing off time by making weeks and days longer is certainly a good option too!

Overall, it sounds a lot like my taste in music, and this is generally born out by your selections in "What Are You Listening To" Actually though I don't care for Celine at all. I'm very very eclectic with my taste in music - and most things for that matter - as well. I think my favourite genre would have to be modern, slightly alternative rock, but I like music from almost all genres and eras. In general the things I don't like are songs heavy on musical or lyrical rhythm. If they repeat the same sound or line of lyrics for too long I'm out. I like the music to be much more dynamic and I kind of like it to keep my on my toes. In general I also tend to prefer up-tempo, 'fast' songs. Stuff like Led Zeplin, and Pink Floyd is actually some of the worst music I could imagine listening too because it was something to 'get lost' in (this is probably my same complaint against Celine, despite the fact that the styles are so different). I can't stand 'getting lost' in a song. If I don't want to be engaged by the song I'd much prefer to opt for the sound of silence. Indeed, the only reason I listen to music is to be engaged, if I'm able to 'tune it out' I'd be much happier not having it at all. I like silence and quiet, I don't want background music. Green day, Blink 182, and Eve 6 were my favourites all through my teens simply because they were loud, quick, and clever. A friend of mine has the Dream Girls soundtrack, personally I think it's one of the worst albums I've had to listen to in recent memory It's also too heavy on rhythmy songs IMO. Those sorts of things just get under my skin. Thus R&B and Soul are about my least favourite genres and the ones I have the toughest time finding something I like in. Rap, and especially Hip Hop, are much better though, particularly the more mainstream stuff. I do like quiet, melancholy ballads though, quite a lot actually, but for that I typically like them to tell a very emotional story lyrically and/or to still be very dynamic musically. For example "Yesterday", "Killing Me Softly", and my new favourite, "Luckiest" (by Ben Folds), are all more subdued, softer songs and they totally rock my socks. (and there's a ton of others, I really do love quite a few ballads). Anyway, yeah, I have a lot of stereotypical "gay" preferences in music. I love musicals and show tunes. In fact I was shocked to discover how much I couldn't stand the Dream Girls Soundtrack I also, like much of the music from our stereotypical 'divia's'. My personal favourite is and will always be my gurl Christina, who IMO is much more talented than the rest, but hey that's just me. The new Brittany CD was really good IMO, and you're right I do find her music to be 'gay friendly'. My favourite song on her new CD (not for this reason) is "Toy Soldier" in which one of the male, background vocalists sings about wanting to find some boys to 'get it on' with I have quite a few non-stereotypical tastes too though. Like really Three Days Grace and Seether and their contemporaries are really my favourite bands right now. I also happen to like quite a lot of contemporary Christian Music. On the other side of the spectrum I tend to enjoy really dirty songs too. **shrug** I did like that

I think all these things are very individualized and will vary a great deal depending on the circumstances, time, place, setting, etc. Unfortunately I'm inclined to agree for the most part, but perhaps I'll be more optimistic and say that only 2 out of 5 are hopeless, 2 out of 5 are great, and the other guy can get better with practice/instruction. In my experience the two worst 'kissing sins' are simply bad taste/breath and being too passive. Unfortunately I've kissed more than a couple of really cute guys with with uncute breath. Perhaps it's my poor sense of smell, but I rarely notice or even have a hint until I'm kissing them, and then suddenly it's like, "Whoa!". Personally, I don't particularly care for the guy to have a 'taste' at all. I just want it to be fresh, and mostly neutral. My advice: good oral hygiene and drink plenty of water. When it comes to my breath I don't watch what I eat and drink at all, but I've always been complimented on my breath and I rarely ever find my mouth feeling 'icky' or nasty. I attribute this to drink insane amounts of water I never take a bite or sip of anything without chasing it with water. This is because I don't like for the taste to linger in my mouth. I like a fresh palate. The other big thing I've found is that too many people are too passive. It's like they're enjoying the kiss, but all they want to do is open their mouth and let you figure out the rest. I like someone that kisses back enthusiastically and keeps me on my toes...actually I probably shouldn't have brought up toes at all. A few good experiences: One of my best kisses was also my first proper kiss. The guy completely took me off guard. We were just standing there talking, and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. The element of surprise definitely worked in his favour. Of course prior to that (and since then ) a few other people had tried to kiss me unexpectedly and it wasn't appreciated at all. So it definitely came down to the fact that not only was I surprised and caught off guard, but I also liked and was attracted to the guy. Some of the best making out I ever did was with an ex. It went on so long my tongue was sore! I think the key thing was that we were both really into it, and each other, and there was a really good balance of energy and passion. Conversely some of the worst kissing I ever did was with a different ex, and this definitely came down with him being way too passive (well, I guess to be fair, all it meant was that we weren't compatible in this way, and either I was too aggressive or had the wrong expectations/desires for the situation). Well, that's never exactly been my fantasy, but you certainly described it in an incredibly appealing way! Just my thoughts, Kevin

That was romantic! I like Robbie Williams and had heard that song before, but never really paid attention to it.

Personally, I've never seriously thought there might be just 'one person'. Don't misinterpret that to mean I'm against monogamy or in favour of serial monogamy versus working on your current (fixable) relationship. All I mean is that I think there are quite a few people out there that a given person could be compatible and very happy with. I think romantic relationships can be extremely intense, beautiful, and deep, and definitely have the potential for that 'forever' thing. But I don't think they're all mystical and stuff, and that in this giant world of ours there's really a significantly limited number of matches. Just my thoughts on it though Ohh, I sorta have this too! LOL, for some reason I always get excited when I find out someone else can't swim! I don't know why, but I guess it just makes me feel better or something about my own inability, lol. Hmm, I don't suppose we ought to all get together and go on a cruise though Anyway, as I said, I'm not really afraid of water despite the non-swimming thing...which I suppose just makes me stupid

I certainly agree with all of this. And disagree with this. That aspect of therapy may not be something that would be particularly beneficial to you, because if I've gotten a proper read on you based on our interaction, your posts, and your blog, I'd say you're already the sort of person that will be reflecting and analyzing such things. You're already going to be asking yourself those questions and you probably have a natural tendency to do these things. Personally, I feel that in that regard we are very similar. However, we mustn't forget that such directed, thoughtful introspection does not come naturally to everyone. Some people are woefully ill-equipped to even know where to start when it comes to sorting out their feelings. They don't have the 'skills' nor the 'natural inclination' to do these things. In that regard someone patient who can sit there and help keep them on track, and prod them along can be extremely useful. Furthermore, I don't know if this has ever been your experience, but speaking for myself the majority of 'major revelations' and 'insights' that I've had about myself and my life have come as a result of evaluating the situation myself. Nevertheless, I've had more than a few experiences in which it was through conversation with a friend or other trusted person that I suddenly came to an important 'epiphany' about something. Without talking it over with someone else and having them point out 'the obvious' that just wasn't clicking for me, or perhaps something more random, and obscure that they just happened to be thinking that 'made sense', I'd have missed out on a great deal of insight about myself. I personally don't care for your focus here on 'symptoms', 'problems', and 'disorders'. There's a movement in psychology called 'positive psychology' that I think has a great deal of merit and which I very much hope expands. It's focus is more...preventative, and instead of saying "ohh, see, here's your problem", it's more about "ohh, look at this resource! Utilize this." I don't think everyone who goes to a therapist has, or should be expecting to discover, a disorder or condition. I also don't think people should only go to therapists when their coping mechanisms have completely broken down and they're already in some dire emotional situation. I think far more often people - healthy, well-adjusted people - could benefit just by going periodically and talking things out and exploring their thoughts and feelings with the benefit of another person's neutral, non-judgmental perspective. Anyway, that's what I think. Take care Kevin

Well, I've decided that I shall only be drinking two more times in the next two months. Next week for a friend's birthday and then perhaps again if/when I go to the GA convention (not because I expect it to be an alcohol filled event, simply because I'll consider it a 'vacation' and I wouldn't deprive myself in any way on a vacation. So if I feel like a glass of wine at dinner, or if we go to clubs/bars, I may have a couple). Apart from that though I don't intend to drink any other alcohol until June. I picked June because it's another friend's birthday as well as Pride. Pride comes first, so until the Pride festivities. Anyway, It's mostly just a whim and a desire to lower my alcohol tolerance. Not to mention save a little extra money (I tend to enjoy fancy, expensive drinks ). I'll let you all know how I do. I don't expect any setbacks though since several times in my life since my teens I've elected to swear off alcohol completely for periods of time ranging from two years to a couple of weeks. Plus I just finished having cheese and crackers, which would have been one of the most tempting times to add a glass of wine. Instead I opted for herbal iced tea