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charlieocho

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Everything posted by charlieocho

  1. charlieocho
    Ya knocked it outa the park, again! Another outstanding chapter. Gonna pause, here, and savor this a bit. Too good to rush right through it. Thanks.
  2. charlieocho
    Excellent....10 stars. You are especially gifted with describing fast-paced action. Very smooth flowing, and never a false note. Really fine.
  3. charlieocho

    Santa's Visit

    charlieocho commented on Carlos Hazday's story chapter in Santa's Visit

    Brilliant! Touching and tongue-in-cheek at the same time. Your dialogue is warm and feels familiar. You managed to pack quite a wallop in this short story. A big thanks!
  4. charlieocho
    Woof.....! You sure got your groove on in this chapter, didn't ya??!! Gonna have to stop here for the evening.....my glasses are too steamed up to read any more.....<grin>.
  5. charlieocho

    Chapter 1

    charlieocho commented on Robert Rex's story chapter in Chapter 1

    This is a fun little exercise for me--having been introduced to your writing via "Landfall", and now revisiting your earlier, first story. I am curious.....how much time has passed since writing this story and beginning "Landfall"? It appears to me your writing is more polished now. I see some definite "signatures", but there are a couple of brief sections, in this chapter, where I had the impression you were revealing too much information, too quickly. Your later writing is more pithy and you are more sparing with the flow of detail....stretching it out teasingly. A very engaging first chapter, in any case. You are a gifted storyteller.
  6. charlieocho
    Just when we are feeling that after-glow from the last chapter, the proverbial shit hits the fan.....I have a feeling this is only the beginning. In my mind's eye (ear, actually) I was hearing some chase music....you know, kind of like something out of a James Bond movie. You are not letting up here, at all. Yes, I am loving every second of this..... .
  7. charlieocho
    Want to echo Headstall (again!), with his reference to Barry's turning on the light so he could see what he was doing....a great touch, and a fine way to further develop Barry's character. Your description of their "play-time" was right-on. Playful, needy and very steamy. Definitely worth waiting for.
  8. charlieocho

    Opening Boxes

    charlieocho commented on Robert Rex's story chapter in Opening Boxes

    Couldn't wait much longer to pick this back up! This is so fine, feels very realistic, with all the doubts and uncertainties that Barry is feeling. Your descriptions feel so real. Stretch this out! Extremely entertaining.
  9. charlieocho
    Damn! I thought this was it, for sure.....but no, tease us a little more. You are bad, worse than I imagined. Hot song list, by the way. I had to check out "September" on YouTube, hadn't heard it in years. The other cuts were good , too. Definitely a musical prelude to gettin' down and dirty. Well, I am going to exercise some restraint and pause for tonight, saving the next three chapters for tomorrow. Great storytelling.
  10. charlieocho
    Another completely captivating chapter! I am especially enjoying how you are slowly and relentlessly teasing us with the mating dance between Dave and Barry.
  11. charlieocho
    Had to look up the meaning of "Fuga", from the B and B sign.....very fitting, nice touch. I must echo the statement from Headstall, about there not being a false note anywhere in the story. From my angle, it is reading very smoothly and realistically. This is fiction, after all, and there is such a thing as creative license. You are crafting it masterfully. Onward.
  12. charlieocho
    Before I take a little reading break--this is too good to inhale in one sitting--am I the only reader who senses that this story would make a fine film? Hope it is copyright protected. Simply cannot express how much I am enjoying this read.
  13. charlieocho

    The Kiss of Hope

    charlieocho commented on Robert Rex's story chapter in The Kiss of Hope

    YES!.....(Punches the air...) "lots of intense action"...."deliciously frantic at times...", "almost breakneck speed..." and loving every second of it. Bravo.
  14. charlieocho
    Excellent! So glad I found this. Have been in just the right mood to read something like this, for a while, and haven't found the right tale....this will be quite entertaining. Hope you stretch it right out. Thanks.
  15. charlieocho
    This just gets better and better. You have such a great handle on the emotions that the main characters are experiencing. The narration never comes across as contrived or clumsy. And what a tangled web! IMHO, it seems like the time in between your posting of new chapters is well spent.....almost like the aging of a fine wine. Thank you ....
  16. charlieocho

    The Ladder

    charlieocho commented on Jwolf's story chapter in The Ladder

    It was about time....!! But so worth the wait. Superb. You are a great storyteller....one of the best...a natural.
  17. charlieocho

    Sex and Laundry

    charlieocho commented on Jwolf's story chapter in Sex and Laundry

    After reading this, yesterday, and trying to process it, today,.....ya know, I think it is a real good thing you took a big chunk of time off. I mean, this is just too much drama, babe! And you do it so well, so smoothly. Where to from here??!! This line from a song kept popping into my thoughts, today, everytime I came back tom the Mike/Peter/Corbin triad: "I ain't often right but I've never been wrong" but...... "Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right"
  18. charlieocho

    Chapter 20

    charlieocho commented on Graeme's story chapter in Chapter 20

    And I thought things were going to settle down for a little bit.....HAH! There is more action, here, than in a three ring circus. I especially like how you weave the interaction between David and Liz in and out of all the other commotion. Only a few more chapters to go.
  19. charlieocho

    Chapter 16

    charlieocho commented on Graeme's story chapter in Chapter 16

    You pack so much into each chapter. Once I get started it is almost impossible to stop reading. So glad you have more drama planned!
  20. charlieocho

    Chapter 13

    charlieocho commented on Graeme's story chapter in Chapter 13

    Well, that was a substantial turn. Nothing like a Bible-thumping bigot. Hope he gets what he deserves. Lots of unexpected surprises, here.
  21. charlieocho

    Chapter 7

    charlieocho commented on Graeme's story chapter in Chapter 7

    I have never enjoyed reading stories containing lots of "teen-age drama". Stories loaded with mindless hysteria.....a real turn-off for me. It is striking how you have written this story and managed to avoid any sense of this. Instead, a feeling of tragedy is present. Great storytelling.
  22. charlieocho

    Chapter 2

    charlieocho commented on Graeme's story chapter in Chapter 2

    Wow. Powerful. I am somewhat stunned after reading the first two chapters. But, I am really enjoying this, in spite of the extremely somber subject matter. Dialogue, character development, story progression--all top notch.
  23. charlieocho
    File this one. You could take this and run with it a long ways, if you feel like it. Or not. It is quite fine just the way it is. Bravo.
  24. charlieocho

    Chapter 5

    charlieocho commented on Graeme's story chapter in Chapter 5

    The dialogue and action between the characters feels so smooth and natural. Yes, it looks like the ride has just taken a very bumpy turn. Hold on to your seats. So glad I found this.
  25. charlieocho

    Chapter 4

    charlieocho commented on Graeme's story chapter in Chapter 4

    All this deception is threatening to get out of control. Someone is going to get hurt for sure. Hope I am wrong. Brandon is an enigmatic character.
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