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Bender

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Blog Entries posted by Bender

  1. Bender
    I don't usually like to talk about guys in terms of "types"--it seems unnecessarily reductive. But, if I must say that I have a type, I would say that I like my guys extra gay.
     
    You know what I mean. I like them on the nellie side, I like them sparkly, I like them singing musicals and quoting RuPaul's Drag Race and wearing skin-tight pants because for so many years of my life I pined for the straight ones and broke my own heart with it.
     
    I came out fully the summer before college, not because of uncertainty in my sexuality, but because of all the time I was spending in completely hetero locker rooms before then. I was my school's best half-miler and a decent cross-country runner, so the time spent in communal showers in Bumfuck, Oklahoma didn't lend itself to me shouting about how much I loved licking a guy's taint (hypothetically, of course, since I had done no taint-licking then). All of my friends were straight jocks, my best friend the jockiest of all, with broad shoulders and strong arms and long legs that just drove me wild on nights when I couldn't keep the gay away and longed in my bed.
     
    I yearned to be with him, to feel his arms around me and his mouth on mine. Reading stories on this very site didn't help--I was so wound up that even our play wrestling and random weightlifting sessions had me even more in love with the thought of him I'd built up. So thorough was my own self-afflicted heartbreak that I have since gone 100% to the other side, preferring instead to go after the especially gay ones now that I can find them. (As an aside, DC is the best place in the world to live if you like that type.)
     
    My roommate is a graduate student, which comes with the perk of getting to meet and hang around with other cool grad students. We go to bar trivias together, we hang around and play video games, but most fun of all there is a core group of us that gets together to watch football. That's how I met Nick, and how I somehow made it back to the same exact position I was in at the age of 15, when I could still feel the burning sensation in my cheeks of stealing glances at my best friend's body and hoping in vain for a miracle, that he would realize his love for me and we would spend forever together. Thinking about it now just leaves me embarrassed.
     
    My tiny crush on Nick started innocently. His apartment is very close to mine, so we walk home together after outings, and he's a few inches shorter than me, and funny, and wicked smart. He was cute, and very obviously athletic--strong calves atop high black socks were displayed underneath his loose football shorts. But it was nothing more than passing interest, and maybe some glances at his strong, tan forearms. We became quick friends, and see each other often.
     
    Today, the core six of us got together to watch football, a regular Saturday activity, but today at Nick's apartment. We did some drinking, perhaps a little too heavily, and I found myself drifting farther and farther towards him. While we were talking, for the first time I really noticed his eyes--which are stunning, a sort of amber color against his curly, dark brown hair. He made some joke about the Split-T and I chuckled weakly, trying to get myself together.
     
    At some point, I'm not sure how, his foot moved towards my thigh. And I spent a bit too long looking into his eyes. And now, I can't seem to stop replaying it in my mind--despite my best efforts, I'm crushing on a straight friend again. Something about how he looked at me made me feel it all over, even though I know it's all in my head, I know it's all pointless and will get me nowhere. What's that sor Juana line? "'Tis corpse and dust, 'tis shadow and nothingness."
     
    So, all this is to say that crushing on straight guys is just the worst. But, I can at least spend a little time hoping for a miracle, right?
  2. Bender
    I'm unlucky in love. Don't feel sorry for me--it's by and large my own fault. But it still sucks.
     
    There's that old fable about a dog that, by some stroke of luck, found a piece of meat and was carrying it home to eat it. When he crossed a river, he mistook his own reflection for another dog with a better treat, and opened his mouth to bark at the other dog. He dropped his own meat into the river, and for all that greed and dissatisfaction was left with nothing. 6-year-olds the world over have learned the lesson in this story; I, apparently, cannot.
     
    So I have this boyfriend, and he's great. He's very cute, with his curly brown hair and bright blue eyes, and he makes me smile and laugh and he cracks the best one-liners and I genuinely love spending time with him, having him over just to watch a movie and hang out with my roommates. We've been together a few months now, and he's the first guy I've been able to avoid getting sick of after the first fun couple of weeks. I met him through a mutual friend named Caleb, who, while he was not actively working to set us up, is pretty happy with the result of our relationship. This is easily the best dating experience I've had (and while I know I'm young yet, I have dated a good deal). The best part is that he seems to feel the same way about me.
     
    But still I feel like I've always got my eye on the door, waiting for the next thing, something better, someone better to walk in. Maybe I've been ruined by something. Maybe I'm just afraid of commitment. Maybe I'm jealous of what other people have, and greedy and always wanting to take without giving anything in return. Eat your cake and have it, too, I guess. (Which I prefer over the standard way of stating that expression, since it seems a bit like hysteron proteron.) I know it's in our nature to look for more, to shun contentedness, as it leads to complacency and can ruin you. Evolution has granted us what Robert Browning put more poetically in "Andrea del Sarto," when he said, "Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, / Or what's a heaven for?" In some ways, I don't think we're meant to be happy.
     
    But why am I so bad?
     
    That same friend, Caleb, was having a little birthday get-together last week to celebrate his 21st. The boyfriend could not go with me, as he was busy with other things. I don't talk about him much in polite conversation--honestly, I don't talk that much at all--so many people just assume I'm single until something comes up that necessitates mention of the boy.
     
    So I guess that's how Sean and I ended up sitting on the front porch together after everyone else had degenerated into drunken debauchery. I generally don't drink to the point of drunkenness because I hate forgetting things and having hangovers, so I was still nursing maybe my second beer, and Sean seemed to prefer the peace and quiet. This was the first time I had met him, but I was comfortable already, just sitting down, enjoying the beautiful weather that night, listening to the muffled, awful music playing inside the house. We talked some--the normal stuff, about our majors and interests and other boring things. I was sitting right on the edge of the concrete, whereas he was sitting on a short brick wall, so he was about three feet higher than me. I looked up at him. His stare was intense, to say the least, brown eyes on a face that was temptingly handsome. The comfort I had felt was starting to creep out; after all, this incredibly handsome guy was staring me down, and suddenly I felt like I couldn't move, like I was rooted to the spot by his stare.
     
    I think he knows he's incredibly handsome, he knows the effect he has on people, but he wasn't ostentatious about it. In fact, he was nothing but polite and charming and perfectly gentlemanly. At some point he moved to sit next to me, and our hands started brushing against each other here and there, and I didn't stop him. It was late--I went home fairly soon thereafter, with the intent to forget about it and move on.
     
    Facebook ruined that plan. I am convinced that it is a tool of the devil.
     
    He found me on Facebook a few days later, added me and sent a message. We talked back and forth a bit, and eventually he gave me his number, insisting that I text him. And on account of my weakness and lust and desire for more, and on account of my being a terrible person, I did text him. It remained just polite conversation, with talk about hanging out or seeing a movie or something, with plenty of chances for me to throw in that I am not single, that I could not do anything romantic with him. I didn't say a word about it though.
     
    It finally happened on Friday night--he came over, we drank some beers, we talked, we hung out. Sitting on the couch with me, again he made a move to touch my hand. And again I didn't stop him. And at some point we started kissing--I don't know who kissed whom first, all I know is that we left chill-couch-sitting land and entered holy-crap-we're-making-out. And I forgot completely that I had a boyfriend, and that I shouldn't have been doing it, and that I was cheating, and instead enjoyed the making out.
     
    He left my house the next morning, which was yesterday. (Fill in the gap for yourself, to save me having to type it.) I felt bad. I talked to my roommate. That helped some. I wanted to see boyfriend, so I called him and went over to his house that afternoon. I acted like nothing was wrong. We watched a movie and ate lunch and cuddled. While we were cuddling, I noticed his phone said one missed call.
     
    From Sean.
     
    I cheated on my boyfriend with a guy who is apparently friends with him. Who might talk about me to him. And while I feel bad, I don't want to say anything. I'm scared to confess it. And I'm scared I'll lose him.
     
    So now, here I am, cursing my own name and wishing I hadn't done it. But I made this bed, so I suppose I'll lie in it, and maybe learn my lesson for the future. And maybe forget Sean's intense stare, which I can still feel when I think about him.
  3. Bender
    "I think we should stick to being friends," he said, his brow furrowed with fake concern, and with what little control I could get about me I smiled weakly at him, showing the fatigue in my eyes. "I'm sorry," he followed, "I hope this is okay?"
     
    "I understand completely, and it's fine," I said, although I didn't understand, and I certainly didn't feel fine. All I wanted was for him to leave my apartment, but I still had to see him twice weekly, so I had to save face for just a little longer. Questions of why doesn't he like me? and what did I do? were starting to trickle in. I forced them out and avoided looking at the face that was far too cute for someone like me anyways. Damn he was good looking, all blunt features, tan skin, and brown eyes that never betrayed a thing. I liked him a lot.
     
    It wasn't like we'd been going out for months, either. Just a few weeks, just a few fun dates, just a few brief kisses sneaked in here and there, never for longer than a few seconds. I gave in and looked over at him, and he still studied my face, I guess to make sure that I was taking it all right, that I wouldn't cry or freak out. Well, I wouldn't in front of him, I knew.
     
    "So you're okay?" He asked. He was still looking straight at me. I wished he'd stop.
     
    "Yes, I'm fine," I lied, and then told another: "I was sort of starting to think that'd be for the best, too, with the whole fraternity thing." We were fraternity brothers--that was how we'd met, in fact, just a few years ago. "It could get weird very fast."
     
    "Yeah. I'm glad you understand. But we'll still be friends, right?"
     
    "Of course," I said, and forced another smile. "But hey, I had a test in Molecular Biology this morning, so I didn't sleep much last night. I think I need a nap."
     
    If he knew how much of a stupid excuse that was, he at least had the decency not to show it. Instead, he just said, "Yeah, sure," and stood up from my ugly, lumpy couch. "Well, I'll see you at chapter Sunday, then," he said as he headed for the door.
     
    "Yes, for sure," I said, and I followed him to walk him out. He hugged me when we got to the door--God, I wish he hadn't--but then with a few weird goodbyes he left, and I stood behind the closed door and rubbed my eyes for a second. Well, he was gone, in more ways than one. I retreated to my bedroom and collapsed onto the bed.
     
    Somehow, I couldn't come to cry; as I said, we hadn't been dating for long, and it wasn't a disaster. There I lay, all nineteen years of me across a gray bedspread, and for the first time in a while I felt something--red against all the gray I'd been in, and suddenly there was life bursting forth from my fingertips, and from my toes, and from the top of my head and my chest, and I could feel the blood in my veins again.
     
    I still see him pretty often. He's seeing someone new now, and I've been on dates, and really I hardly think of him at all, except to silently thank him for making me really feel again.
  4. Bender
    I rather like Cross Country now. Why, you ask? Because of a boy, exactly like everything in my life. There is a totally cute freshman on the team and now I look forward to practice. Sadly, I've only seen him once, and I've never spoken with him. Yet I fully intend to talk to him as soon as I can.
     
    We're going out of town tomorrow, to God Damn New Mexico. I hate New Mexico, and I am NOT looking forward to this, especially because we get back on my birthday. Great way to spend a birthday: in the car for 9 hours. I had better get tons of money from my mother, or else I will be MAD.
     
    I got to drive for the 2nd time when we went to Lake Eufala last weekend. One time my sister let me drive her car in the Wal-Mart parking lot, but don't tell my mom . However, I must say that driving my sister's tiny Blazer is much easier than driving my mom's enormous, brand new dykemobile (that's its endearing name).
     
    Well, I am being distracted by the tv and can't think of anything else to write. Being uninspired is ass.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  5. Bender
    As much as I love the woman, my mother is crazy. When she found out that I had been coming to this site, she directly forbade it. Oh well. That was like three months ago, and I have stayed away as long as I can without exploding. And as I am sure that no one wants slaveboy guts all over them, we had better avoid any exploding.
     
    So hello to everyone! I see that things have changed a lot here at GA. What all have I missed? So far I have met many new people, most importantly Patrick . I haven't read any of Dom's stories in what seems like forever, and I have a LOT of catching up to do on Grey-Eyed Justice. Dio, you're still my hero.
     
    I have been suffering from the worst writer's block ever known to mankind. While usually I write all of the time, lately I have written nothing. Well, I wrote a poem last week, but that hardly counts. Not even a song has popped out in what seems like forever.
     
    Any recomendations (I am pretty sure I didn't spell that right) on new stories for me to read? I need something good, because Of Mice and Men is becoming dreadfully boring.
     
    Well, that's pretty much all. G'night.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  6. Bender

    thoughts on life

    By Bender,

    I found a dimpled spider, fat and white,
    On a white heal-all, holding up a moth
    Like a white piece of rigid satin cloth-
    Assorted characters of death and blight
    Mixed ready to begin the morning right,
    Like ingredients of a witches' broth-
    A snow-drop spider, a flower like froth,
    And dead wings carried like a paper kite.
     
    What had that flower to do with being white,
    The wayside blue and innocent heal-all?
    What brought that kindred spider to that height,
    Then steered the white moth thither in the night?
    What but darkness of design to appall?-
    If design govern in a thing so small.
     
    -"Design" by Robert Frost
     
    This poem sums up my thoughts in recent days: why are there pains and sufferings in the world? It just doesn't seem fair to me.
     
    I've realized that the people who are older than I actually know what they're talking about, which was the most enlightening moment of my life. My grandmother might be able to talk your ear off, but it's definitely worth listening to, because she is passing on everything she believes to me.
     
    Boys. Boys boys boys. I need me one of those. We're working on it.
     
    Life in general is going pretty well for me, I'm liking school, I'm having a good time. My heart just isn't in much right now, for many reasons, most of which won't be spoken of here. I need to write something other than poetry, my creative writing class is driving me crazy.
     
    Well, I think that is all for now. This was my least coherent blog entry of all time.
  7. Bender

    Prenup? WTF?

    By Bender,

    You know what the best part of summer vacation is? I don't have to get dressed until like 5 in the afternoon, when my sister comes home from her job . I'm basically wandering around naked all the time .
     
    You know what the worst part of summer vacation is? I have nothing to do except sit around and watch tv. Well, and read "With Trust", of course.
     
    Mmmmmmm a commercial with Brad Pitt in it just came on . God, this is the most boring entry I have ever made. Why am I still talking?
     
    -psychis psychopath
  8. Bender
    We went to our lake house over the weekend because it was memorial day weekend and we always do. Well, my lovely mother forgot to clean out the freezer the last time we were there (which was in September) so there was an appetizing mixture of decaying hamburger meat and Italian sausage in the freezer. Mmmmm delicious. The smell would NOT go away, no matter what we did. And as much as I love an Italian's sausage this was gross.
     
    Speaking of an Italian's Sausage (I swear this is related, it just takes a while for me to explain why), it is approaching time for Boy Scout camp this year, but I am not going. This should be a good thing, but Boy Scout camp is where all of the babes hang out. Like there was this one last year who was exactly how I imagined Jude from "The Ordinary Us".....mmmm delicious. But grrrrr now it's bugging me because I can't remember his name .....I'm leaning towards Luke...but I don't think that's it.
     
    The sad part is that all of the babes at Boy Scout camp are straight. Except this one (this is where Italian sausage comes in) named Jordyn. He had curly brown hair, my favorite , but he is 6 years older than I am and last I knew was going to college at Penn State . Why am I still talking? This is the most boring blog entry ever.
     
    Now I have to bitch about at least one personal problem per blog entry, so here it is....I can't rhyme :wacko: . At least, tonight I can't. I have been trying and trying to write a song and it is NOT working.
     
    Ewwww I'm watching CMT's 20 sexiest women and it showed a commercial with a REALLY gross guy on it...ewwwww.
     
    But back to rhyming. Dr. Lib says that anger is not a catalyst of rhymes, so I'm gonna try again tomorrow. Peace out.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  9. Bender
    I've never been in love, and that greatly saddens me. However, I am in lust with FFBF, and while he was singing Maroon 5 songs to me at the competition on Saturday, I realized that all I ever feel towards someone is one of three things: lust, hate, or indifference. Well, usually. With him, it was both at the same time for a while. Strange.
     
    It has been forever since I blogged. I just haven't been in a very bloggy mood lately. So, ummmmmm what's new in my life? There is a new song by Tim McGraw called "My old Friend" that made me cry the first time I heard it. It seriously is SOOOOO sad.
     
    I am currently reading a story over at CRVBoy called "The Magic in Your Touch" by Sara Bell. If you have not yet read it, I command you to read it NOW!!!!!!!! It is a very good story.
     
    I will probably get to go to Washington DC this April for the National Science Bowl. It is a probably because the person whose place I will be taking has one more day to turn in his permition slip, and also we still kinda have to win the Regional Level competition before getting to go to Nationals. However, I am quite sure that we will win Regionals; we do every year. So I will probably get to go !
     
    Track officially sucks. I mean, I liked Cross Country to a degree because it is easy running, just a lot of it. However, Track is like 5 or 6 miles, sprinting some then slowly jogging some, or towards the end coach lets us walk half of what we just sprinted. So while we used to do long, slow, easy miles, now we're doing fast, hell-on-a-stick miles. It angers me.
     
    My mom keeps threatening me with a haircut. My hair is not even that long. I hate that she is making me get one because I love my hair. It is hot.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  10. Bender
    So, I read Snow Dog's and Nick's blogs tonight, and they both have problems in their lives, and it made me realize how lucky I am. I mean, I really don't have any problems right now. Well sure, I had problems in the past, but they are staying in the past. And my mom may be a little crazier than your average shithouse rat, but she stills love me to death. So in essence right now I am complaining about having nothing to complain about. Ironic, eh?
     
    In other news, I have a new name for Asshole Team captain: FFBF. It stands for Fantasy Future Boyfriend. Good name, eh? Anyways, the reason for the new name is that he is totally a really nice guy and not at all an asshole, I was just being pissy. And he is SOOOOOOOOOO hot. I mean, burns your retinas hot. And I want him.
     
    Not much else here in Oklahoma. Well, there is totally another gay guy here, finally, and this time I might have a chance with him. He turned really cute over summer vacation, and I used to be just friends with him but that might change. His name is OTM boy, which stands for Off the Meter Boy, because he has like 60+ twips. So this might go somewhere.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  11. Bender

    I hate Rory

    By Bender,

    It's been a while since I posted. My life has been extremely uneventful lately.
     
    The episode of CSI Thursday night made me cry. It inspired me to begin writing a tear-jerker. Well, begin another one. I've already started like three. That's about all that has happened. I don't have to take my English final becuase I exempted it. I am happy. I am sad that I had to go back to school, though. dk;fbjkfjkag;ikbnfngnerkbuir.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  12. Bender

    Things I love

    By Bender,

    1. Faith Hill
    2. Chocolate Chip cookies
    3. Music
    4. Singing
    5. Domluka
    6. Viv
    7. Snow Dog
    8. Fall Out Boy (Their earlier works)
    9. Broadway musicals
    10. Livechat
    11. my iPod shuffle
    13. Asshole team captain
    14. Matt Pazcastillo
    15. Janice Joplin
    16. Crystal Gale
    17. Natasha Bedingfield
    18. Tim Micgraw
    19. My biology teacher
    20. Hot chocolate
    21. Marbles (they are delicious)
    22. saying "Your mom's face!"
    23. Pissing people off
    24. Writing songs
    25. I can't think of anything for 25
     
    -psychic psychopath
  13. Bender
    Hello all. It's been a while. I discovered two new songs that I love to death. "Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin and "The only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage" by Panic at the Disco. Things are awkward here at home right now because some major drama has been happening between my mom and my sister. It seems that my mom gives my sister anxiety (she had a really bad anxiety attack yesterday) so they're fighting like crazy.
     
    Not what I need right now. I don't feel good. I've been kinda sick off and on for a while recently and it sucks but whatever I don't even care. Okay, yes I do care. Oh well.
     
    Anyways, I now want kids. Which is quite a switch because I used to detest kids. I think first I'll concentrate on getting a bf and then worry about the kids. I want a bf too.
     
    I'm gonna go sleep. I need more sleep. Sleep.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  14. Bender

    2nd blog of the night

    By Bender,

    So I'm on such a sugar/caffeine high right now that I had to add this.
     
    I skipped dinner tonight because I felt like shit (read previous blog entry). About fifteen minutes ago I got REALLY hungry so I decided to sneak downstairs and steal some food real fast. Well, I get down there, and first off I must get myself a Dr. Pepper. So I get one. Then, I start digging through the frig, and I find these weird pepper things that look pretty good. So I eat one. They are hotter than jalapenos. It's a good thing I like spicy stuff (I am pretty hot, ya know ), because this thing was HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Ok, so I rush to my Dr. Pepper to cool my tongue, but I'm still hungry so I look for the cherry pie. I find it. Last I remembered there were two pieces left, sic (which is Latin for thus) someone else must have eaten one because I just finished the pie. At least, I hope someone else ate one because that's a lot of pie. I might end up fat . Anyways, I was feeling exceedingly lazy so I just eat it straight from the pan. It was the best piece of pie that I've ever eaten. Probably because I was so hungry.
     
    And then I was walking upstairs and I burped. Imagine this: Jalapenos, cherries, pure sugar, and caffeine on a sandwich. That was what the burp tasted like. I almost considered rushing to to the bathroom and making myself barf just to get the taste out of my mouth. It was gross.
     
    Whatever, now I'm really hyper and need someone to bug. However, in a few minutes I will crash and maybe even start crying before promptly going to sleep.
     
    Oh crap! It's happening! :wacko: Oh wait, that's just indigestion. Ouch.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  15. Bender

    No more iPod while running

    By Bender,

    So I strapped on my iPod Shuffle and went for a little run just now, and by the time I was done with my fourth mile I felt like shit. Well, I go inside, and the reason I felt so bad was because I ran the four miles in 30 minutes, which is ten minutes faster than I usually do. In fact, I had no idea I could even do that. So I blame the music.
     
    Jesse is back from vacation! Yay!
     
    I saw the chronicles of Narnia today. It was good. But the best part of going and seeing it was the previews. I now have a movie that I want to see really badly. It's called "Hoot", and I couldn't tell you the first thing about it. I was too busy staring at the gorgeous actor who happens to be in it. He is blond, and he is adorable. The movie looks kinda boring, but I'm definitely going to go see it. I almost started drooling, which would have been embarassing considering where I was. Oh well.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  16. Bender
    Yay Christmas! My family always opens the presents under the tree on Christmas Eve and then we get presents from Santa on Christmas morning. I am really wanting a trip to Washington D.C. for Christmas. I'll not be getting it. Oh well.
     
    So, I got two really cool watches, some coasters (my mom thinks she is really funny), a Terri Clark CD, t-shirts, sweaters, and DVDs, but sadly no underwear with the hot guys on the front. Oh well, there's always next year.
     
    The worst part about all of this was that I had to deal with my dad all day, but luckily he was civil. As was I. In fact, it really wasn't that bad, and I got an awesome present from him. $250. Cha-ching, bitch!!!!
     
    So, we have a family gathering with my maternal grandparents and one very close family friend. But after this, we go to a Christmas party at another friend's house and stay there for about an hour. We just got home from that, actually. Anyways, there was this guy there who I've known since I was three because our families are really good friends, and we've been friends for like our whole lives. Well, his family moved to Texas a while back, so I hadn't seem him in quite a few years. He was at this party, and I must tell you, puberty has been kind to him. He turned really hot. But, being the awkward fool that I am, I couldn't go talk to him.
     
    However, I did see him glancing over at me every once in while as I stole glances at him because he's so pleasant to look at. I heard it through the grapevine that he is now a total computer nerd. Have I mentioned yet that nerds are hot? All four of my crushes are very smart, and I might be able to add him to this list, depending on whether or not I see him any more before he goes back to Texas.
     
    And to rationalize, because that's what I do, don't you dare start thinking that he was looking at me so much because he likes me. It was only like twice, and I bet it's because he recognized me but coudn't put a name to my face.
     
    Please hurry, Santa, I want to know what else I got for Christmas.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  17. Bender

    I'm hungry.

    By Bender,

    I eat a lot, just so all of you know. I have a naturally high metabolism, and I run every day, so I eat more than anyone else on the planet. Well, we went to nothing but noodles for dinner tonight, and it was absoutely delicious, but now I'm hungry. The problem is that I'm too lazy to go get any food. That would require standing up and walking to the fridge, and that's just a messy process that I don't want to get involved with.
     
    I got a haircut . I love(d) my hair, and now some of it is gone. But it's really not so bad. The only reason I finally agreed to getting it cut was because it started poking me in the eye at cross country, and now it doesn't do that anymore. Also, my hair gets blonder during the summer and browner during the winter, so I am a brunette right now. I can feel my IQ going up by the second.
     
    Christmas is in two days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am super-happy. And I mean SUPER happy. However, I only have, like, four presents under tree right now, and two are sweaters. But I shouldn't complain, because Snow Dog pointed out that he gets none. Boy, he's lucky.
     
    All of you bitches that told me to read Desert Dropping can burn in Hell!!!!!! Now I'm addicted again!!!!! I thought I was cured, but nope, I'm right back to Domaholism. I worship you, Dom. You took the two most Aggrivating characters ever, Rory and Aaron (The little slut, sorry Vic), and still the story is one of the best I've ever read. I am not a bowling pin.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  18. Bender

    Christmas break at last

    By Bender,

    I'm skipping cross country practice right now because I feel like shit, so I can't run, but I felt good enough to make this entry. I am officially free from school until January 4th, which is when the scrooges of the world are making me go back.
     
    We had an academic team Christmas party, which was a lot of fun. We played dirty santa, and people kept stealing my presents, which sucked because I got two really good presents the first two times I picked new ones. Then it was up to me to either steal someone else's or end the game by opening the last present. I chose to end the game. I wish I hadn't, because it was velveeta.
     
    Also, I tried and somewhat succeeded at being nice to the asshole team captain. And just so all of you know, I really don't think he's gay. He doesn't twip at all. But back to the pont, I was pretty nice to him, and he was pretty nice to me, so this might work out in the end. We'll never be best buds, but at least we can be civil. I'm going to try not to get too angry when he messes up a science question. I mean, he's not perfect, so I'll be less critical.
     
    We had a Latin Club Christmas party, which was a lot of fun. My sister and I were on a team for Cranium the board game, and we got second place because I got a question wrong that I definitely should have gotten right. It was like, "If you added up every whole number from 1 to 100, what would the sum be?" I was off by fifty, because I said 5100 when it was really 5050. I would have had time to check my math except that we only had like a minute, and I had a hard time remembering the formula thingie, about the sum of the terms in a sequence is equal to the number of terms times 1/2 the sum of the first and the last term. And my sister is no help on math questions, so I was on my own. But it was still a lot of fun.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  19. Bender

    your mom's face!

    By Bender,

    So, I had a startling realization today. I was talking to this girl who is on academic team with me, and the evil team captain has decided that we need to get our coach a Christmas Present, which I'm fine with, but this girl said that I need to ask him...let's call him Frank...about what to bring, I think it was five dollars or something.
     
    So I say, "No. I don't talk to 'Frank'".
     
    And she says, "Why don't you talk to 'Frank'?"
     
    And So I'm like, "Because he's a super arrogant butthole. He's cocky and rude, at least to me he is, and he totally stole my saying." Some background info: I say "Suck it!" every time I get a particularly amazing question right at academic team practice, and once he got a question about the density of water right and he said suck it and then laughed at the look of horror I had on my face when I heard him.
     
    So she's all, "Kinda like you. I mean, you and he are exactly alike, and it's actually kinda funny because everyone sees it except you two."
     
    Why didn't I notice this? I mean, I know I sometimes miss the obvious, but not something THAT big. And the more I think about it, the more true I see it is. We are pretty much exactly alike. But I'm still better at science.
     
    However, the good news is that if we are exactly alike, then there's a good chance that I'll be the team captain when I'm a senior. Good news.
     
    That's all for today. Please comment. I like comments.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  20. Bender

    The Angry deck of Cards

    By Bender,

    I'm still having a hard time with entry titles, so I just used "The Angry deck of Cards". Boring. But then again, my life is boring, so oh well.
     
    We had a test over the Odyssey in English class today, and there was the world's most ambiguous essay question at the end of it. However, I did quite well on it I think because I rock at bullshitting my way through everything. And bullshitting is really all that writing is; making something out of nothing.
     
    So, the reason that a certain someone told me that it is unlikely that I'll be going to the National Science Bowl is that the person who picks the team that gets to go happens to be our oh-so-evil team captain. He and I are mortal enemies. At least, he's my mortal enemy. I don't know if he feels the same way about me. I know I would if some skinny little freshman was better at science than me. But today there were many questions about science as we are in preparation for the Regional Science Bowl (which I can go to), and I answered many of them right. There were some that stunned people. For instance: if you eliminated every second number after two, every third number after three, every fourth number after four, and so on, what numbers are you left with?
     
    The answer is prime numbers. Technically it's a math question, but that little tidbit can be ignored.
     
    Not much to report about the hotties in my life today. I didn't talk to any of them. I'm very sad. Hot CC guy is super-cute.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  21. Bender

    This is hard

    By Bender,

    Thinking for a title to each entry is not easy. It kinda stinks, to tell you the truth. Does anyone agree with me? I hope some of you do. Maybe I'll just throw random letters. Like this: geioauhr, iwoejens, Martin Luther...
     
    Umm, so, Life is going well right now. Except that I found out that I might not be going to the science bowl this April. Which sucks on every level because I realy wanted to go, but we "usually don't take freshmen out of state." Which is retarded, because I'm better at science (especially physics) than the rest of my team put together. And, I really wanted to go to Washington D.C. Oh well.
     
    It would really piss me off if they went and the dumbass team captain buzzed in too early and they ended up losing because of him. Actually, I think I would laugh at their misfortune, because they didn't take me with them.
     
    Hot Cross Country Guy has such a nice butt. Since he has such nice legs, you can bet he has pretty much the world's cutest butt. It's perfect. That's all there is to it. Perfection.
     
    Oh my God! Church is so boring! Church yesterday just really bored me so much worse than it usually does, and I don't know why. Religion itself is boring. Luckily Catholicism is slightly less boring than the rest of Christianity.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  22. Bender
    Ok, I've been asking the aformentioned question all day today in my oh-so-perfect two-pack-a-day voice. It made my sister laugh so hard she almost peed herself. Just imagine a fourteen-year-old kid with a gay-sounding lisp and somewhat high pitched voice asking that. I sounded like a Russian Prostitute.
     
    So, I finished a story that I've been working on for quite some time earlier today. Head on over to The Domaholics forum and check it out under "Member Poetry and Short Stories". I hope y'all like it. Please post comments or something. Feedback = good.
     
    Hot Cross Country Guy looks really good in his under armor...it's all tight and shows off his perfect bod... Wow. Time to jack off again.
     
    Academic team captian dude continues to piss me off.

     
    Bye!
     
    -psychic psychopath
  23. Bender

    The haircut from Hell

    By Bender,

    Mephostopheles himself attacked the haircutter that gave Hot Cross Country guy this haircut. Well, I guess that's being a little dramatic, but it's seriously the ugliest haircut ever. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's still really hot, but the hair was kinda the icing on the cake for his beauty. I almost cried when I saw it.
     
    We had many academic team competitions this week, which I rock at. But, I am pissed at the varstiy team captain, becuase we had a competition where there is a computer prgram that makes a question come up, gives us options, and then we have a minute to answer the question. If we answer the question in the first seven seconds, we get five bonus points. Past that, we get fewer and fewer bonus points until we get none after thirty seconds. Well, there was a question that was something like, "Which of the following is composed of protons and electrons?" The choices were X-rays, Microwaves, Photons, Quarks, and Solar Winds. I said, three seconds into it btw, "Solar Winds."
     
    Eventually he says, "What makes you think that?" (Snow Dog inserts here: "It can't be anything else, duh!") So I explain why to him. X-rays and Microwaves are composed of luxons, not tardyons, and photons ARE luxons, thus can't be composed of protons and electrons, and quarks are the things that make up protons, so it can't be that. Thus, it must be Solar Winds. He finally selects Solar Winds, and we get it right. However, instead of getting ten points as we would have if he had trusted me, we got five.
     
    I mean, it's not so much about the points as it is the pride. What he did was basically say, "I don't think you're smart enough to actually know this for a fact. And since I'm so much better than you at science (which he sucks at, btw), I'm going to make you justify your answer to an annoying degree." And afterwards I find out that he doesn't even know what a baryon or a luxon is, so he doubted MY answer when in all actuality he's the one that has no clue about anything.
     
    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    -psychic psychopath
  24. Bender

    tummy ache

    By Bender,

    I just drank some hot chocolate with marshmallows and cinnamon and powdered sugar (my favorite!) but now my tummy hurts a lot. I've never actually said stomach ache, it's always been tummy ache.
     
    Oh my! I just burped really loud and now my stomach doesn't hurt any more. Wow, burping helps. I'll have to remember that.
     
    I like analytic geometry a lot. That's the kind with the coordinate plane, that combines algebra and geometry. Did you know that you can plot (almost) any equation on the coordinate plane? Take, for instance, 3x + 4 = 16. All you do is rewrite it as f(x) = 3x + 4. Then you draw that line on the plane and then you plug in sixteen in the place of f(x). You go up the y axis until you get to sixteen, then you follow it out to where it intersects with your line. If you did it right, it should intersect at (4, 16). Ok, I'm no longer going to be a math teahcer; I think all of you reading this already know everything I'm saying anyways. Oh well.
     
    Bye y'all.
     
    -psychic psychopath
  25. Bender

    I cry a lot

    By Bender,

    I finally saw "Rent" tonight, and I cried. And cried, and cried, and cried. It was so sad. "Without You" is my new favorite song. I mean, I had always known about it, I just didn't like it as much as I do now that I've seen it in context. Now I feel all empowered, and I want to write really sad songs and stories. I'll get started on that right away. It could take a while.
     
    Well, that's all for this entry.
     
    -psychic psychopath
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