A couple random ones I hear from time to time come to mind:
"Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."
"Long ago when men cursed and beat the earth with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf."
"Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it anyways."
and my all time favorite that applies to my everyday labs...
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. "
- Thomas Edison