Zombie

unlike penguins which can’t fly

greedy penguin stuffed itself ...until it burst Now it’s in hospital feeling sorry for itself ...so it won’t be needing THIS *snatch*

*reprograms the toad to deal with the sneak*

wantsies... takesies...

stealing again! *Officer Dibble...*

the Evil One caught on security cameras making a quick getaway after yet another dastardly heist, clutching its stolen booty (chocolate bunnies *licks lips* ) and hoping its pathetic attempt at disguise will confuse law enforcement *picks up phone - “Officer Dibble? Yes, I want to report a serious crime. I’m afraid it’s the usual suspect. That’s right - it’s The Penguin again. It’s been stealing more snacks...*

Good Penguin of the Month? or Naughty Penguin of the Month? So let’s have a look at its behaviour insurrection stealing crowns poisoning babies It’s a tricky one...

Just posted one and still showing “No Recent Status Updates” on Forums page ipad 6 iOS 14.3 Edit - it’s working now!

Free snacks! Free snacks! *swipe*

Green is good! *snatchback*

ooops, Wesley’s rubber penguin “duck” is about to be “accidentally” sucked down the plug hole...

I must apologise for using an out-of-date video in my previous post, because the penguin has obviously progressed on to more advanced self-improvement-biscuit-guzzling videos

as well as its plans for world domination, the penguin hopes to improve its social status so - when it’s not stealing, scheming and being evil - it’s watching self-improvement videos like this one showing penguin etiquette for scoffing ginger biscuits

Hah! The Evil One’s acolyte admits to handling stolen property!

Well the only good news is vaccines. The UK now has two in use and a third, from the US Moderna, was approved last week (but won’t be delivered until Spring) but getting the numbers is a massive challenge. The target is to hit 2m a week to get, say, 50m population vaccinated in 6 months. But that means each healthcare worker doing, say, an 8 hour shift delivering say 6 an hour (I’m guessing that’s a realistic target with prep, identity checks, database records etc) = around 50/day per person. So if you do the maths that needs 80,000 people in 3 shifts 24 hours a day, all working flat out and doing nothing else and - realistically - some will get sick so we will need probably 100,000 healthcare workers doing nothing but stick needles in people (I think! Tell me if I’m wrong). And the UK is small and densely populated compared to the US which helps! But the question is how are you coping, keeping physically fit and mentally cheerful?

The UK is once again in lockdown awaiting vaccination and hoping the NHS can withstand the immense and appalling pressures that have been forced on it. In England we’re allowed one walk a day, otherwise required to stay home unless buying food, getting medicine, caring for others or going to “essential” work (the devolved governments of the other UK countries set their own rules, so I’m not too sure what they are). There’s a real issue with mental well-being not just from health and financial worries but loneliness caused by enforced isolation. So how’s everyone coping? Me, I hardly dare watch, read or listen to the news. I need to escape. Into fictional worlds. Can’t go to the library - closed since last March. Can’t buy a book - bookshops not essential. So thank goodness for the internet. Stumbled across this audiobook yesterday of Tom Sharpe’s novel, Vintage Stuff, read by Stephen Fry in 1987. The kindly uploader explains this has been unavailable for a long time, so he’s done a public service putting it on YouTube. I’m only on chapter 4 but so far it’s a marriage made in heaven , Sharpe’s peerless prose read with marvellous mellifluousness by Fry. Whether you enjoy his style or not is personal choice but Sharpe was an exceptionally skilled writer, carefully constructing each sentence with not a wasted word, alliteration and assonance being deployed with exquisite precision to enhance the comic absurdity of his ghastly characters. His writing must have been influenced by an earlier humorous writer, P.G. Woodhouse (they both went to the same appalling public school of the kind savagely satirised in this novel ), but Sharpe’s satire shows no mercy on his targets where Woodhouse is content with amiable buffoonery

the evil penguin probably has different ideas...

quiz shows always liked ‘em Mastermind’s one of the best - 4 contestants tested on their specialist subject sitting in a spotlight against the clock. Then they’re tested on general knowledge. After many qualifying rounds, quarter rounds etc of this torture their prize? A glass bowl

hello birdie you’ve got a present for me? how kind! *snatch* ...and as a reward for you kindness I’ve saved you a really special little treat a tasty freshly-baked delicious little Penguin Pasty!

How rude Here’s the penguin with her newly created Formation “Flying” Display Team to prove her svelte slim ‘n’ trim figure

while its sticky beak is gummed up with toffees and it can’t attack innocent passers-by... *swipe*

if I remember correctly the hypnotoad was reprogrammed and deserted that ragtag rabble of misfits the penguin calls its LPWland “army” OR it was run over by me an unidentified speeding motorist in a deliberate most unfortunate traffic accident

while the penguin waddles off to the shops to restock its empty snack cupboard... *swipe*

*books the bear into a motel*

*spots stealing opportunity*