Hazzard Oblivion

I could see how the story line and the characters could make a solid 4-star story. The last star being left for flair. However, for me, a few too many narrative taboo's have been crossed into such a story that it was rather repulsive. The ending note saved a star for me: the character's had their just "resolution". This may seem harsh, but like the story, (sin one) I'm using hyperbole. A whole thematic device; not the conventional semantic version. I haven't found a story with such variety of tropes. After the initial discombobulation of being struck by something so terribly unoriginal, the hilarity of them as a character comes in. Then, sin two... Subsequently, none of the characters truly developed (sin two). Aside from the "from this, which is not working, lets try" plot - which effectively is the story - of character development (such as the sexual identity question; a few acts done, then the final act and it is confirmed [acts being literal in this story]) there is no real personality depth to the characters. Even this slight change doesn't seem to change their outlook: doubtful characters remain doubtful; outcast characters remain outcasts etc, et al. As a result, even after the story, they still are seemingly at the same stage as the beginning, just with extra history. So after something happens to a character which makes me as a reading interested in seeing their reaction, the unimaginative and underplayed reactions themselves - without any real resolution - left the previous ridiculous character (refer to previous sin) become its own trope and thus monotonous. It is because of this, how I feel as a reader to find this resolution fitting, that the story deserves credit. Not to mention that the story line was interesting, albeit poorly laid out (it should be clearer for point of view changes). This is why for the reality, of the 4 star story, the story itself was a high 2 stars. The sins would lose a star (including the need for clarity on the points of view changes) or make it a lower star, but the strangely fitting ending and a good mood have voided its affect. So: 2.5 Stars, rounded to a 3 Star rating.

I agree with fmd. (Completely unoriginal I know, but the examples are there) However, I would say that the "implied sexual activity" was not obvious. I didn't find that the mentality (before it comes 'out') of the guys matched up with their reality given what a reader knows. For example, no matter how awesome the situations they got into, people of that age surely have more skepticism. In this sense the pack leader of the group of clothe-stealing boys made the most explicit reference about their actions being "gay". I'm all for freedoms of the kind described but there wasn't enough depth to the characters to indicate that they were either lenient or confused, etc. Specifically: you brilliantly presented everyday kind of interactions between the guys in the earlier chapters, but at the risk of twisting reality noticeably and not being perfectly consistent in the balance of this throughout. The unquestioned practices of the group of team members and friends is one example. It is a plausible situation, but realistically, there would be more reluctance like a person who tolerates it if they are not being targeted (like Peter did at his last school). But at the same time there were the more realistic interactions like tiredness or homework or just general interest, once the truth was out. Because of this is was tedious as the reality of the story was hard to take in without thinking that something was slightly askew until it made sense (though it was a tad leading/obvious)... Another example would be the ending in the sense that not tying up the characters and left it at year 11, would have made the story finish easier than trying to bend reality a bit to far by adding the couplings without proper back story, neglecting promising characters (like the group of younger boys or Owen). The group of boys could have continued tradition after joining the swimming team; Peter could have lost his name because he grew to be proportioned/ it just died out/ someone was even bigger and deserved the name; Owen had promise, building his character up like that; etc. Also, I didn't figure out that Peter was sexually active (aside from the playing around with the guys) until the leading statement about Ricky very late on. Me, innocent? Never. But I honestly thought that they slept, or at least continued groping. In fact, before I came to this revelation I was starting to feel like Matthew and Peter were scared of any further stuff and that was it. It didn't quite make sense when I realised that all of the experimentation after only recently figuring out he was gay and the dynamics of the seemingly open relationship flourished under the radar for the whole story. Perhaps, on a more writing-style level, the this issue would be due to the transitions within and including chapter usage where there is no consistent style for a reader to definitely say something has differed (or sexual activity occur ed in the interim). In this sense it reminded me of a-day-in-the-life kind of story where the transitions were skipped and instead of a reflective narrative - for character progression and hints of storyline - it was just a confirmatory narrative where actions occurred and his thoughts matched up. In this sense, it was really lucky as there was no "dilemma" where Peter would be naturally out of the loop - like a possible accident to a character - otherwise, given the style, the reader would feel caught up in the chaos, but not in a good way, as snippets of conversation may be heard, actions taken, and relief shown, but no particular "flesh" of emotion or support that would make it a truely gripping event, rather than just a scene in which a "gripping event" has taken place. Examples of this would be the natural emphasis placed on when Peter repetitively calls out to Matthew (who has fallen asleep) before a scene change as this kept of ringing alarm bells that something was wrong, when it was just an indicator that the scene will change. Also, the passing comments about his mother. They were the most reflective (in my view) as his concern became "justified" by the Beth's change of career and verbal confirmations; but, then hints at his concern over her being overworked anyway - which leads to very little in the story... Anyway, this sounds harsh. But I loved the story! It was a trial of new aspects that haven't been explored before in a feel-good story line where nothing truly bad happens - a slice of life - but with these new aspects that make it unique. The subversion of reality I could ignore once I understood what was doing on (or I was dense not to get it) and it make this twist come to live, however, arguably in not the best possible beginning or end. Yet, with all this, for such a story to have had me gripped to the screen (and mouse), it was amazing even with the obvious issues and flaws. For that reason I liked it and gave it 4 stars. I want more

That was an amazing story, although for a few chapters at the end.... I must admit, I would like to see where all the other characters (like Ethan) go now that it has ended on a kind of limbo for them. An after story would be awesome as well hehe 5 Stars.

I can't help but think that there should be more to this... Otherwise, it still is good!

Beautiful. It is that simple.

A beautiful read that polishes off a good day. The ending had the perfect amount of sentimentality to make the characters really real. Love it!

I loved this as I finished reading it and I definitely can't wait until the full version is finished on here (I've got the link saved and everything as I don't like reading incomplete stuffs). Any idea how long, maybe? I can't wait to hear more about The Strange Life of Jonas Marks if this shorter snippet is anything to go by. I love how the "randomness" is woven into his life and then assimilated. But at the same time, it still remains a sympathetic story that is not too abstract... yeah, I'm a fan.

Brilliant. And I can't wait to see all the little hints come to fruition (so far I've come up with at least two for every character mentioned. That family is the exception where the daughter is gone and I regard the sons as a trio...) This story is my first in read that does not claw at my heart as other stories of a similar vein tend to. It is not a roller-coaster, but at the same time the flow is there - rising and falling. My heart still is subject to g-force, but not at the expense of real-event scenarios. As such the way events are smoothed through was expertly handled to great effect. My only snipes would be a lack of gap (or narration) for the camping - it goes from night one to post camping trip - so either a greater break or a greater summarising paragraph for the time in between would make that flow easier. CH17 is a pain as it sounds like an ending. If it wasn't for all the hints at character progression (and thus action) for all the characters I might have not seen the "in progress"... As I said, what you've done with all the characters is brilliant: they each are individuals that don't stick to a clichéd stereotype. Especially when you explain the dual sides to Billy's character [with/out Dad] that his actions are understandable unlike other stories where characters become suddenly bold or irrational. I do expect at least two twists with Sam, one with Annie and one with Billy's father, but as I said, I'm intrigued with what you'd do with the rest and these... I would recommend reading two stories that are similar (I would say a mix, but it is amazing in that it remains unique still) if you would like to gain perspective or inspiration for what I have and am going to say. There are the odd errors - typos really - that a reader can read over logically and [one recommendation is apt for this] I would have liked to seen a bit more description, maybe more variation in the future also. Simply put, running horses encompasses more tasks like cleaning equipment and a little clarification on things (like equipment ["tacks" was the best one you've done in here] or the layout of the place and maybe people) would be better with narration (so it makes decisions or moods or topics more clear). One example is the "I love you" issue as there is no 'repercussions' when they say it after there agreement and there is no reasoning for why the reaction to it after at least two "I love you" moments. To surmise: The shifting points of views are clear but not tidily distinct as you did with Sam, but they work well with only the odd time-jarring issue clouding the form as well. The realism, to reiterate, is phenomenal. If anything, the lack of detail (horse grooming, building work, places, geography) lessens this as you loose that depth, but characterisation is spot on. I can't wait to see what you have in store and I'm happy to talk more about specifics (like the recommendations or other odd moments) if you want. A solid 5 star from me as there is exceptional work here that I have never seen done properly/explicitly like this and you can definitely count on my support ~starts to browse other works by the author~

Okay story. The changes of perspective and place is confusing. And the rather anti-climatic ending that really let the story down. I could read past the errors, however, to introduce a character and then "get rid" of them, even for "such an epic cause", doesn't work. In one particular instance, I had Ian's (worrisome; nana's warning and lack of an untrustworthy character deduces this) idea until it was explicitly mentioned as "love" later on - too sudden and confusing. I have nothing against the plot devices that were used - if used correctly - but there was a sigificant lack of development to achieve this. Especially after (and including) the "thief". The "pick up" of this friend seemed repetitive and the remainder of the story seemed more like author's notes (key paragraphs) than story narration/dialogue after the promising beginning.

This was so sweet. I loved it. Although, if I were Oliver (and thus had a strong idea of what was happening in the library, for example) then I may have acted a bit differently... but that may just be me though. And a few scenes could have been explained a bit more (like the cause of the accident at the end) but it worked really well - I didn't want it to end! Took me a while to realise change in perspectives, however once I did, I thought that the chapter titles were cleverly done - it had me intrigued. I would love to see how these characters develop in the future. P.S. Atticus is my favourite character (although I would have thought his libido would have had more of an influence later on as it did in the beginning).

Oh my! I really enjoyed this and I'm definitely craving more! I have to admit, the Seer (and companion) and her opposite intrigue me, as well as the snippet of a "Wizard" in the story... perhaps there are other creatures? I wonder if Shane gets revenge? Oh! The possibilities. But the idea of the triad was beautiful and brilliantly written. Just those odd sections highlighted for no apparent reason.

Oh my! That was such a rollercoaster! Brilliant rise and fall with all the different plot twists and loving lulls. The ending was just soo sweet it broke my heart. If anything, a brief overview of what happened (healing/ college/ partnership/ babies/ [now great-grand-]family) before the very end would be nice; as well as a cleanup to separate perpectives/times/places more clearly, and to get rid of those few errors. Beautifully done. I love the the scope and dynamics as the title suggests... wow.

This is awesome! You really should continue with the story more. I like the idea of Tucker learning about his abilities. And considering he is the first... well it makes it seem like there may be a few others to teach along the way? And his sweet nature would make one load of a comedy scene when things (perhaps literally) pile on top on him... Grecia is a brilliant character, but I don't think she is the kind of gal who would be knocked out and not get a tad upset at losing the mystical enigma of herself to a simple knockout. I almost expected her to "blow up" - in a subtle and cruel way, obviously. I finished with a smile on my face, so I am well satisfied!

In short: haunting; brilliant. A unique story that has not failed like similar stories on the same topic. If anything, the innocent ignorance of what is happening makes the story appear a bit passive, especially when the main character is naturally passive inclined, that makes the story almost cut short with the lack of reflection (and description). Like pain after the event; implications after the event; etc. There are only a few explicit places where he expresses a consequence, or further detail (eg: swimming trunks; surgery) and they seem out of place. The lack of time orientation made the chapter seem only months, instead of the years in mind, and seems almost monotonous or 'jumpy', going from one topic to another without a time to 'settle'. The tatoos or seeing an aspect of house change may be a medium use regarding this. That being said, this probably adds to the story and the representation of such a scenario. The possibly malicous twist of independance at the end (climaxing on the choice) is the cherry on top for this bittersweet story.

I want to hear more. And I can't tell if that is for the rediculously brilliant plot twists, colourful characters or the completely random (lol) jokes at the end of the chapter. A bit of 'culture-shock' may be the only criticism I have as a few things were not explicit, or fully explained to my satisfaction (eg: their jobs are alluded to, but not described fully). However, you mentioned how inpromptu this was, so it is perfectly fine. Overall, comic brilliance for a sci-fi story (in my opinion).

Yes, the phrase "Pot calling kettle black" came into mind when reading this, and I wasn't let down by the revelation and happy ending. I thought the 'Orc talk' was a really good technique to slow the pace down - making the reader really listen to the conversations and thoughts - although it took a while to get used to it. What now intrigues me is the after story - is it a sustainable relationship - especially considering the attitudes of the Orcs not really considering settling down...

This has so much promise! This reminds me of a really good introduction to a full-blown story... I do hope that you continue these characters or world in the future.