Ron

I like it. I think you have some issues an editor could clear up for you, but over all you have some great descriptions and your dialogue seems natural. Your characters are good as well, except for that no good photog ex-boyfriend. But then again, he serves his purpose. I would like to see the story continue. Good beginning, Jaybird.

I like that ending. Is Noah in the new place or still in the old? If it's the old place, it's probably what's his face. That guy none of us like. Ha!

I can't help it. I think it's just awful. I don't even like the music. I generally dislike things that are too 'over the top' in their design so as to blatantly manipulate my feelings.

Very stream of consciousness stuff. Thanks for reading it and your comments, Aditus.

Yep. Nothing profound going on here. Is the protagonist dreaming or concussed? Who knows. It's a silly fun piece of work. Thanks, Stephen.

For your consideration, 'Not Exactly Wonderland'.

Not Exactly Wonderland By RL Hunter “What the hell?” Rising up from the ground, where I lay splayed out like my dog, Rufus on the checkered tile floor of the bathroom when it’s hot, I find that I am not in Kansas anymore. “I must have hit my head. Hard. I remember following that cute blonde guy dressed in white with the neat bunny t-shirt into a shop. I’m sure I fell, in fact, I’m positive. The memory is clear. And why am I standing here talking to myself.” And why am

I'm not sure how I missed this, Fitz. This story feels like essential reading almost. I love background filler stories when they are good like this one is. Will's dialogue with himself is maniacally comical what with his swinging from the practical self, to the pathetic, to the rationalizer and then his self awareness of it all. That was well done having Will be calculating as to how to get the upper hand by arriving early only to lose when Jason shows up. I found the entire conversation between the two to be natural and when it felt forced, there was reason for it. It didn't feel artificial at all. The guys agreeing to meet again after all of that disclosure feels right somehow.

Happy Birthday Wayne! many happy returns

Happy Birthday! and Best Wishes!

Happy Birthday, Jeremy!

You didn't have to go and give that smart mouthed receptionist a huge pimple, did ya? It was only supposed to be large. Nice response to the prompt, Kitt.

I like the story, Cia. There were rough edges to some of the writing but getting past that, the basic story is sound. I can imagine that creating a world from scratch is not easy and I don't envy you the work involved. Natham makes a good sympathetic character whereas Velaku is headstrong, flighty (sorry about the pun) and not a particularly likeable individual or even with all of his insecurities, a sympathetic one. I know both are supposed to be young but their behavior does not always hold up well even so. While I don't find the story entirely successful, I do like it and I can appreciate how hard one of these is to write, for that I congratulate you.

I liked the fantasy explanation of Josh's, that he might have been switched at birth, to explain his resemblance to Jacob. That is so believable as a fantasy and one that I am sure many young people have. I think I had this one once or twice myself. One thing to be mindful of, is keeping the language appropriate to that of a fifteen year old. I was a smart fifteen year old and I can't imagine having used the word glaucous to describe the blue of my eyes even though it is an appropriate description. I join Graeme in mentioning the vandalised locker. I was surprised when you didn't make it Josh's. Even though it wasn't thought out, it means you have good instincts.

There is much to like in this chapter. I am drawn to Mikeal's innocence and I think that it is described artfully here. It would be nice if he were to retain that expression as long as possible within the framework of the story. Adam certainly provides a good example for an introduction into relationships. Once again, if this were to continue, I would definitely not be opposed to the behavior whether they two remain together at the end or not. "I lub you." <-- This, I think, says more about Mikeal's innocence, and his inability to as yet mark a difference between the physical, infatuation and true emotional depth, than anything else. The inebriation suspending Mikeal's normal inhibitions certainly is a factor but perhaps not the ultimate cause for the declaration. Adam will have his work cut out for him dealing with this, I'm sure. You describe the AWA Con without going into too much detail and that's well done. Great chapter, Cassie.

Sorry my man, Method. You don't have the visuals to back up your additional seven points. You need to dig those up before I believe you.

Thanks, KC. Sorry to hear about the ticket.

Once in a while I believe that I have something worthwhile to say that doesn't quite fit in my profile feed or the forums. Whether that is true or not remains to be seen. But as everything needs to have a beginning, I will start by offering the beginning to a story that I am working on. It has no title so far and I don't think that it deserves a sneak peek forum entry just yet either. As the story progresses I will have more of an idea of what genre it belongs in and what tags to attache to it. When I have a better idea of the direction it is heading and I get more writing under my belt, I will go about soliciting a beta-reader and ultimately an editor as I should. It looks like something for publication next year and hopefully sometime in the first quarter but without definite deadlines, the writing will dictate the schedule. If a reader has any thoughts at the end, don't hesitate to let me know what the are. So, on with the show... “Long have I been trapped, separated and after so long I have been given another chance. Once again, to try for redemption.” ~ What began as a tickle at the back of his mind progressed into a slow deterioration of the darkness. As he floated, weightless and without direction, the blackness surrounding him shimmered and shimmered again. Light began to filter in and along with it came garbled noises. A voice, only fragmented, which sounded as if filtered through the depths of some primordial ocean breached his solitude. Time here had no meaning and so he continued to float for a minute, an hour, a day, he didn’t care but then things began to make gradual sense, and his eyes were opened as if against his will. The light was artificial, bright and painful, causing him to tear up and blink his eyes shut and open a few times too many to get his vision correct. Realizing he was in a hospital room the color of beach sand and alone was a surprise. The last thing he remembered was… He panicked, he couldn’t remember anything from before waking up. His head felt pressurized and the machine connected to him sounded its klaxon call of beeps and other odd noises. Before he could pull off wires and yank intravenous tubes from his body, a trio of nurses ran into the room. Whether training or providence, the first person he made eye contact with headed straight for him giving assurances that everything was alright. The other two began to check the monitor and to ensure that no physical connections had been broken. “Mr. Howson, everything is fine. You are in a hospital and you need to settle down before you damage yourself. I have paged Doctor Levinson, he should be here soon.” Maxwell Howson’s eyes rolled up into his head and he fell limp to the bed before his doctor arrived. ~ “Maxwell.” “Maxwell.” “Time to wake up.” He could hear the deep mellifluous voice calling him but it seemed so far away. Trying to answer was as navigating through thick fog, he didn’t know which way to turn, which way to focus. It was time to wake up, he needed to wake up. “Welcome back, Max.” The fog lifted and his mind cleared along with his vision. There was no one in the room with him, though Max looked the room over expecting someone, after all the voice he heard had to belong. He remembered waking up once before. He also remembered panicking and nurses, and then suddenly diving back into darkness. Trying to remain calm this time, Max located the call button and pushed it. As he waited, Max continued his scrutiny of the room and noticed a difference that he had missed upon awakening. It was subtle but the room wasn’t exactly the same as before. He knew this as absolute fact but he wasn’t sure how that could be. Even though the room was evenly lit, one corner seemed to be cloaked in light shadow. More accurately, it was as if the color were grayed out and therein lay the difference.

That is a thought that I think many of us have had, in one form or another, at some point in our lives. It certainly seems applicable to both Velaku and Natham at this point in the story. I like how the two Cathera, who met only briefly once, have not forgotten each other over time. Interesting story so far, Cia. *continues to read*

You may certainly say it. Yes, the real world is not Gay-Topia, as you put it. Though it doesn't negate the fact that all men are on the menu until proven straight. Once straight proves true, I drop em like a hot potato and I don't give em another thought.

I supposed that to be what you can call your gay male friend, if you were to actually be in need of a label. Not what your Homobro would call you. For that, you must think up your own term.

I love love love this story. I don't say that often. It reads honest, fresh and witty. It moved like lightning, fast and striking across the page. Bravo!

Happy Birthday Andy!

Woo Hoo! Happy Birthday Lisa!

Homobro! LesBe friend! Disclaimer: No homosexuals have been harmed nor is any harm meant by these totally fictitious nomenclatures.