Ron

Brilliant writing. I know, I used the word brilliant to describe, in a review comment, your first chapter in this anthology story line. This time it is no less appropriate; perhaps even more applicable this chapter. The connection between the siblings is compellingly believable. Your first paragraphs set the background and tone for the kitchen conversation remarkably well. The kitchen conversation… Well, it was stunningly well conceived. There is a considerable amount of dialogue used in these latter paragraphs, and while in many circumstance that might be ill considered, it is not in this case. Your use of dialogue, and shorter actively descriptive passages, conveying Paul’s anguish and Maya’s empathy, and their inner thought processes, was convincing. Bravo.

A splendid story and one that I enjoyed very much. It definitely had that out in the middle of nowhere feel. You did well to keep the action and descriptions outside of the main town to emphasize this and make it believable. I also like that there were just enough hints at what Blake an Axel looked like physically and to still leave room for me to fill in the blanks with my own imagination. Your dialogue was natural, there when it was needed and then out of the way for the story. There is no need to have been in love with a best friend to recognize the futility of falling for someone who isn't going to return the emotion. Even when in the midst of it, you just know that it isn't going to end well and you captured the emotional sense of that superbly. Ending the story with potential was the best possible outcome. Truly, I wanted to go on and read a chapter two.

I have been following your posts about this, Jeremy. The loss of a friend, no matter great or small, is significant. It changes you. You have my sympathy.

Twelve new stories to read. That ought to cover the holidays. Though if I start at the top, it may take a while to get down to you Bill.

As concerns the POV switch - This is not bothersome in the least. In fact, you could get by with writing Jacob or Josh and leave off the POV, simpler and gets the point across nicely. If you look at Myiege's current story, you will see that she named each chapter after the individual she was showcasing and it works. It would work for you as a point of view denotation as well. It would also allow you to note things outside of the pov without having one or the other need to make a direct observation; more room to maneuver. Ethan is cute but the whole alpha comment. Jeez kid, ever hear of a thing called genetics? So, crushing on your twin is narcissism? -> (Duuude that would be like masturbation). Too funny! The whole trading places thing has been done to death. I look forward to your creativeness to make it different and exciting for your readers, Sammy. Nice chapter!

Kyle did a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Does he know that he has supporters on the web? Lol Seriously though, the school doesn't have any anti-bullying programs, at all? If not, then threat of lawyers may be needed to start a fire under their asses.

Canada could also recoup some money by charging a rental on the Central Mailboxes just as for post office boxes. You don't pay rent, you don't get any mail. I know that Singapore does not deliver on Saturday already and it doesn't seem to bother anyone. I wouldn't be upset if the US did something like this but if I remember correctly, there was a big outcry when it was bandied about that the Saturday delivery might be done away with. A lot of elderly folks were up in arms over it, particularly because of mailed medications, and I can certainly understand the fear of missed medications for those that get them that way. It would put many out of work nonetheless and I suspect that the pensions of mail workers are underfunded so I'm not sure how much that would be affected without new revenue. Perhaps savings from losses could go into to pensions until fully funded. I get and pay no bills through the mail, everything I do is electronic. And for crying out loud, Christmas cards, birthday cards and their ilk; if you don't send or get them, you won't have to send or get them. But we all know what the greeting card lobbyists will do. <-- satire as far as I know. Are there card lobbyist?

Tricky. You. I didn't catch that screwed up address either. I thought maybe the mail account had been deleted. Hard to know sometimes just when it is that it's best to let go. I like this chapter.

I agree. I thought of this as well. If it is in fact real and I am not entirely convinced that it is, he could be in for additional harm.

I hope you mean 'Ha Ha Funny'. Then again it's sort of 'funny' the other way as well.

I like it. I think you have some issues an editor could clear up for you, but over all you have some great descriptions and your dialogue seems natural. Your characters are good as well, except for that no good photog ex-boyfriend. But then again, he serves his purpose. I would like to see the story continue. Good beginning, Jaybird.

I like that ending. Is Noah in the new place or still in the old? If it's the old place, it's probably what's his face. That guy none of us like. Ha!

I can't help it. I think it's just awful. I don't even like the music. I generally dislike things that are too 'over the top' in their design so as to blatantly manipulate my feelings.

Very stream of consciousness stuff. Thanks for reading it and your comments, Aditus.

Yep. Nothing profound going on here. Is the protagonist dreaming or concussed? Who knows. It's a silly fun piece of work. Thanks, Stephen.

For your consideration, 'Not Exactly Wonderland'.

Not Exactly Wonderland By RL Hunter “What the hell?” Rising up from the ground, where I lay splayed out like my dog, Rufus on the checkered tile floor of the bathroom when it’s hot, I find that I am not in Kansas anymore. “I must have hit my head. Hard. I remember following that cute blonde guy dressed in white with the neat bunny t-shirt into a shop. I’m sure I fell, in fact, I’m positive. The memory is clear. And why am I standing here talking to myself.” And why am

I'm not sure how I missed this, Fitz. This story feels like essential reading almost. I love background filler stories when they are good like this one is. Will's dialogue with himself is maniacally comical what with his swinging from the practical self, to the pathetic, to the rationalizer and then his self awareness of it all. That was well done having Will be calculating as to how to get the upper hand by arriving early only to lose when Jason shows up. I found the entire conversation between the two to be natural and when it felt forced, there was reason for it. It didn't feel artificial at all. The guys agreeing to meet again after all of that disclosure feels right somehow.

Happy Birthday Wayne! many happy returns

Happy Birthday! and Best Wishes!

Happy Birthday, Jeremy!

You didn't have to go and give that smart mouthed receptionist a huge pimple, did ya? It was only supposed to be large. Nice response to the prompt, Kitt.

I like the story, Cia. There were rough edges to some of the writing but getting past that, the basic story is sound. I can imagine that creating a world from scratch is not easy and I don't envy you the work involved. Natham makes a good sympathetic character whereas Velaku is headstrong, flighty (sorry about the pun) and not a particularly likeable individual or even with all of his insecurities, a sympathetic one. I know both are supposed to be young but their behavior does not always hold up well even so. While I don't find the story entirely successful, I do like it and I can appreciate how hard one of these is to write, for that I congratulate you.

I liked the fantasy explanation of Josh's, that he might have been switched at birth, to explain his resemblance to Jacob. That is so believable as a fantasy and one that I am sure many young people have. I think I had this one once or twice myself. One thing to be mindful of, is keeping the language appropriate to that of a fifteen year old. I was a smart fifteen year old and I can't imagine having used the word glaucous to describe the blue of my eyes even though it is an appropriate description. I join Graeme in mentioning the vandalised locker. I was surprised when you didn't make it Josh's. Even though it wasn't thought out, it means you have good instincts.

There is much to like in this chapter. I am drawn to Mikeal's innocence and I think that it is described artfully here. It would be nice if he were to retain that expression as long as possible within the framework of the story. Adam certainly provides a good example for an introduction into relationships. Once again, if this were to continue, I would definitely not be opposed to the behavior whether they two remain together at the end or not. "I lub you." <-- This, I think, says more about Mikeal's innocence, and his inability to as yet mark a difference between the physical, infatuation and true emotional depth, than anything else. The inebriation suspending Mikeal's normal inhibitions certainly is a factor but perhaps not the ultimate cause for the declaration. Adam will have his work cut out for him dealing with this, I'm sure. You describe the AWA Con without going into too much detail and that's well done. Great chapter, Cassie.