Ron

Happy birthday, Cassie! Many happy returns.

Easy, peasy, Wayne. I like your idea of fun in the sun and lack of drama, at least nothing more than some aloe vera won't take care of.

Yes, yes, I am aware that it is a tool to be used just as any other but it is something to be mindful of conscientiously. I do think that I am getting better about certain things and I feel that there is progress being made at my skill level. Curiously enough, the story I checked was an emotionally driven one and people seemed to be moved by it as was intended. Check on the emotional. I get that it wouldn't do to suck the life out of my writing but even so, I'm sure there needs to be balance here as well. I probably shouldn't rely too awful much on emotion and if it is an emotionally driven story, as my writing trends toward, give it a semblance of balance at the very least. *sighs* Work in progress, my friend. Work in progress.

What happened, Mark?, you give a bite to start and a whole mouth full of words on the second go round. Did your finger get stuck? Much like my brain (apparently) as I didn't realize that both chapters had posted at the same time. This is a much better chapter - fuller, richer and more thought out. I do have a suggestion, and that is to step out of your characters and read your story as if someone else had written it, as if you don't who these people are what's going to happen. It's hard, I know but it will help you to find logic errors and nonsensical statements that you might otherwise miss. An example would be when the narrator(?) makes eye contact with Rob about a third of the way in. All told, this is a much better chapter in most every way.

That horoscope must of been for another location as this Libra did not have a day anywhere close to it. An enjoyable read, Kitt.

SmartEdit Lite is a hateful tool. After entering your list of no-no words and popping one of my prompt stories into it, I sat back and winced and grimaced and... I think you may be aware of other, more colorful, adjectives I used to describe my dismay. From one who is learning the craft - It's freakin' hard, Dude! This fella does appreciate the help, however much it may hurt and piss him off.

Happy Birthday, Matt. You old, Spartan! Many happy returns.

Hey, two for the price of one! Welcome to GA, Sam.

Thanks, Sly. That adds a certain manic emphasis that was missing from my remarks!

"We are all going to die!" Were is TLBO and her running smiley? Aside from the bandwagon of your choice and the cheerleaders for each, there is clearly something amiss in the room. The sooner an attempt is made on all sides to recognize that we are poisoning our world, the better. To get rid of the poison is paramount but the largest part of the battle beyond recognition is to agree on change the world over. Without that, we're snookered. Can anyone say, "We are all going to die! The whole lot of us."

Story chapters with such few words need to make each one needful. You have unnecessary descriptions, in that Peter wouldn't be describing hair or eye color in a real world situation, just to name two. Another point to consider would be to write out numbers; 18 as eighteen and $5 as five dollars or five-dollar unless your story requires actual numbers to make a specific point. While it is not a great beginning, it is not awful. You are going to have your work cut out for you in living up to the idea of the story note. I caution you to follow these direction and advertise for a beta-reader and editor. Best of luck and good writing to you, Mark.

Ooh!, sentence play. Me too, me too: The moon rose over the edge of the earth, causing shadow to reach out; to clutch and extinguish in darkness those in the meadow not yet reached by her light. Disclaimer: No words were harmed in the above sentence by a thesaurus. Imagination was all the havoc required.

I have been through a deposition related to an accident that I was involved with. No Judge, so no sustaining or overruling but there were many objections from my counsel. The opposing counsel was not there to make me feel good, I can tell you; every question was leading and designed to trip. Your stories defense counselor was a piece of cake despite any feelings he may have induced in the characters. But you know what? It was enough as you wrote it. After all, the technical aspect of a day in court is not the point of this story. What you managed to capture, Thorn was the more important emotional toll on your characters and quite well, even to the point of Craig shaking his head during Nick's testimony. It is one thing to perform an act and get caught up in it and thereby lose yourself, and quite another to hearing about it from anothers point of view. Particularly from one that was harmed by those actions. For all we know, Craig was shaking his head more that he couldn't accept what he had done than because it didn't happen the way Nick described it. I can think this way because although you have both good and bad characters, it never seems a cut and dry situation for you. Nuance is used more often than is the definitive and it is a facet of your writing that I find highly appealing.

Let us not forget penny sports metaphors in a story that is wholly unrelated to the sport or any sport for that matter. In this modern electronic world we live in, it is easier than ever to merely highlight a word and touch define on a pad or copy and paste on a computer and one has a definition without a mountain of effort. It also doesn't hurt to know some fifty cent words and their meanings either. I do understand what is being said but on the other hand, words are fun and one can have fun playing with them in their writing. Context alone often provides enough clue to an unfamiliar word that one does not have to stop the flow of the story to look it up to get the gist. When it does not and the writing is good, I don't personally mind looking a word up. When a story is not extraordinary in its content, then I can choose to gloss over the odd word and not miss a beat. At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong about playing to your strengths and the audience that you have or want.

Welcome to GA, Lach.Nolan As, Ricky says, it's a real helpful group of folks that make up the administration and membership.

Hey, Mark008. I saw that post about your story yesterday. It's good to have another author. Welcome aboard!

I've been quietly reading in the background and enjoying this story. Your writing continues to impress, Thorn. Allowing characters to run a full range of emotions and not let it be 'over the top' is a skill that you display very well in this story.

We have a pair of lesbian swans in Boston's Public Garden lagoon. They build a nest and presumably one of them lays eggs. The officials had them sexed and they are both definitely female.

Sounds like fun. I've only seen two plays ever. One, many years ago in a small black-box theater here in Boston, of which I remember little and a performance of 'Into the Woods' with some friends a few years past. It was located outdoors in a park just outside London and accessible by tube. I really enjoyed that, even with the typical damp and misty weather that day, and I am glad that you are enjoying the performances you are seeing. They can be quite special as I have learned and you clearly know.

You folks are all crazy! You know that, right?

Happy B-Day! Many happy returns.

I know you meant this tongue in cheek but we are better off distributed around the world. It makes it difficult to wipe us all out with one stroke. I hate to be negative, but it is something I think that many wouldn't mind doing. The easier the better and not soon enough for them. Despite any headway, their rancor at our existence and the hate that that brings with it will sadly be around for a long, long time. The fight for equality is not over yet and we should be mindful of it, always.

That was real nice, Graeme. I thoroughly enjoyed every chapter. Your characters are as real and true to themselves as in any story I have ever read. It was a pleasure getting to know them.

The oldest thing in my fridge is a container of rendered duck fat. It will be good for months to come.

I love a guy with a sense of humor. If I were twenty-five... Thirty years younger, I'd be tempted to snatch you up myself!