MikeL

European?

Saban must have entered his dotage. The greenest of head coaches knows you entrust the ball to your Heisman caliber quarterback, especially when you have an overtime period ahead.

Wild finish. What was Nick Saban thinking? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=0lyWKcOrS3U

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. 'I'm on the 7th hole,' she replied, 'and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole.' He thanked her and went back to his golf game. On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. 'I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole.' Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, 'Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?' 'I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh,' she replied. 'No, I won't..' 'Well, if you must know,' she answered, 'I work for Tampax.' With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool. 'See,' she said. 'I knew you'd laugh!' 'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied, 'I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you.'

Alzheimer's Test for Modern Seniors How fast can you guess these words: 1. F_ _K 2. PU_S_ 3. S_X 4. P_N_S 5. BOO_S 6. _ _NDOM Answers:

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! I hope you have a great day with family and friends.

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

The suit (wide-notched lapels and double breasted) looks like the 1930s. Is that correct?

TWENTY BUCKS On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. during the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the Bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!' That's when she shot him. You know, sometimes, men just don't know when To keep their mouths shut.

Bill is right. Americans are the most geographically challenged people in the world. There are no kangaroos in Austria.

Congratulations, Wen...on the pay boost and on a job well done.

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

Happy Birthday, Aditus!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You think English is easy? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Very well done...a clear, simple message.

I don't pay much attention to advertising. In any event, I'd rather shop at Wal-Mart than K-mart. Have you seen the people that shop at K-mart?

"Always remember," said the politician to his son, "there are two things that will ensure your success in public service." "What are they?" the son asked. The politician replied, "Integrity and wisdom." "Integrity?" the son asks. "That's right son. No matter how it may be to your detriment, no matter what your colleagues or your opponents may say, ALWAYS keep your word once you have given it." "And wisdom?" the son asked. The father smiled with a wink and said, "NEVER give your word."

It's easy to understand why ten and twevle year olds would pick on an eight year old. For them, an eight year old is easy pickings. I think you know the truth, Joann. They were taught to be ugly to other people. Or, at least, one of them was and idea has spread to others in the bully group.

I have a question. If all gays refused to have sex with anyone who claimed to be bisexual, would it force bisexuals to make a choice?

After you ship your pants at Kmart you can enjoy other big gas savings. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1yir-p68xM

OK, Aditus. Congratulations! Lay one on us.

Red_A, who gave the correct answer to your challenge. We need to invite him/her to post a new picture. Thanks.