MrM

Glad you liked it! Here is the story this comes from if you haven’t read it and are interested. It is a @Comicality production. 😝

Hell, I'm still trying to figure out if Noah and his crew were even human at all! 😮 Everyone is, though . . . just to err on the side of discretion, Russians are not known to give up on things easily. But, perhaps that is fodder for another story. We shall see what the Hallas think of Brian in the next act: The Northern Lights.

We're coming up very soon on the fateful 'I Love You' in future chapters I'll be writing soon. It is a unique feature of Finnish culture I learned. It makes 'I Love You' mean a whole lot more when the words are sacred.

It’s been a bit slow this year. Sorry for that. Been a difficult year. Thanks for sticking in there with me, Lux.

Mason - San Francisco --------------------------------------------------------------------- We've been riveted to the TV all night! Ya know, it is so-o unbelievable seeing this! Jimmy has been cuddled up to me so tight through this whole thing that I think he's leaving a red mark all the way up my left side! I hold him close, though, because he's scared. To be honest, I am too. I haven't known them as long as Jimmy has, but I've grown very attached to Snowflake and Brian. They are the first

"This is one of the many reasons why you make me love you with all my heart, Billy Chase. You ARE the Golden Boy, inside and out. My Hero! " ~ Brandon

Another addition to the Gone From Daylight soundtracks I've been cobbling together for Imagine. This one covers, in music, the Vampire Colby's journey in finding Deacon and his falling for a living boy. This one is unique because I found the music genera 'Country/Western Gothic,' a surprisingly dark and spooky place who's father was none other than The Man In Black himself: Johnny Cash. He is well represented here lending his voice to the narrative. This is A Child Of Sunset: Colby's Trail

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Track List After The Sunset (Dan Gibson’s Solitudes) - Overture Wayfaring Stranger (16 Horsepower) - Mysterious Colby’s Theme At A Glance (Message To Bears) - Colby Finds Prey Of A Different Kind When The Lights Go Out (The Black Keys) - Longing For Sunset To See Him Again I Waited For You (Daniel Norgren) - The End To A Long Search Into My Arms (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds) - Holding Sweet Deacon For The First Time Nobody ‘Cept You (16 Horsepower) - ‘Deacon Is Mine’ Until The Night Is Over (Timbre Timbre) - How To Keep Him? Awake O Sleeper (The Brothers Bright) - An Awakening Darkness The Man Comes Around (Johnny Cash) - Something Wicked This Way Comes Twilight On The Trail (Clint Eastwood) - Colby’s Trail Song Flesh And Blood (Johnny Cash) - Making Love Under The Stars Blood On My Name (the Brothers Bright) - Heaven And Hell I See A Darkness (Johnny Cash) - Colby Revealed Evil Ways (Blues Saraceno) - How Can One Love A Monster? You Are My Sunshine (Johnny Cash) - Deacon The Only Beacon In The Eternal Night Vampyre Dust (Kreeps) - Shadows Of The Vampyre Wanted Dead Or Alive (Bon Jovi) - Wanted For Murder I Will Never Die (Delta Rae) - Colby Immortal You Will Find Me (CHPTRS) - Promises Before Sunrise ———————————— After The Sunset (Dan Gibson’s Soliturdes) - Overture Gentle Overture For A Gentle Western Evening Wayfaring Stranger (16 Horsepower) - Mysterious Colby’s Theme I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger Traveling through this world below There is no sickness, no toil, nor danger In that bright land to which I go I'm going there to see my Father And all my loved ones who've gone on I'm just going over Jordan I'm just going over home I know dark clouds will gather 'round me I know my way is hard and steep But beauteous fields arise before me Where God's redeemed, their vigils keep I'm going there to see my Father He said he'd meet me when I come So, I'm just going over Jordan I'm just going over home I'm just going over Jordan I'm just going over home At A Glance (Message To Bears) - Colby Finds Prey Of A Different Kind Throw it down, look away Don't be scared, it's okay Settle down, set it right Don't be scared, its alright When The Lights Go Out (The Black Keys) - Longing For Sunset To See Him Again Don't it hurt so bad When you're standin’ in the sun In the bottom of your heart You don't love no one You can be oh so mean I just can't see, no in between You know what the sun's all about When the lights go out What a way to live Back of your class End of the line Always last You can be oh so mean I just can't see, no in between You know what the sun's all about When the lights go out See the moon See the stars From your lonely seat In your lonely cars You can be oh so mean I just can't see, no in between You know what the sun's all about When the lights go out I Waited For You (Daniel Norgren) - The End To A Long Search Like the wondering ghost for a harbor Like the ground beneath the snow for springtime Like the believer for something to believe in Like the drifting castaway for shoreline I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I burned out my eyes on the horizon Sunups in the east and sundowns in the west I watched them all for just one reason Sun came up or down, I couldn’t care less I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you Into My Arms (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds) - Holding Sweet Deacon For The First Time I don’t believe in an interventionist God But I know, darling, that you do But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him Not to intervene when it came to you Not to touch a hair on your head To leave you as you are And if He felt He had to direct you Then direct you into my arms Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms And I don’t believe in the existence of angels But looking at you I wonder if that’s true But if I did I would summon them together And ask them to watch over you To each burn a candle for you To make bright and clear your path And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love And guide you into my arms Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms But I believe in Love And I know that you do too And I believe in some kind of path That we can walk down, me and you So keep your candles burning And make her journey bright and pure That she will keep returning Always and evermore Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms Nobody ‘Cept You (16 Horsepower) - ‘Deacon Is Mine’ Nothin' 'round here to me that's sacred 'Cept you, yeah you Nothin' 'round here to me that matters 'Cept you, yeah you You're the one that reaches me You're the one that I admire Every time we meet together I feel like I'm on fire Nothin' matters to me And there is nothin' I desire 'Cept you, yeah you Nothin' 'round here I care to try for 'Cept you, yeah you Got nothin' here to live or die for 'Cept you, yeah you As a kid I'd hear it In the churches all the time Make me feel so good inside So peaceful, so sublime Now nothin' does remind me Of that old familiar chime 'Cept you, yeah you Used to run in the cemetery Dance and run and sing when I was a child And it never seemed strange Now I just pass mournfully by That place where the bones of life are piled I know something has changed I'm a stranger here and no one sees me 'Cept you, yeah you Nothin' anymore seems to please me 'Cept you, yeah you Your love hypnotizes me It holds me in its spell Everything runs by me Just like water from a well Everybody wants my attention Everybody's got something to sell 'Cept you, yeah you I'm in love with you I'm in love with you Until The Night Is Over (Timbre Timbre) - How To Keep Him? There is a house in New Orleans Where you woke from a coma and they bit your cheek And they cleaned you out when you went to sleep Oh, I just wanna change your mind I just wanna change your mind And it might become right away It might become till the day I'm done And I saw it as the house caught fire And I saw it when the thief got brave It's like a night, night, crawler, crawlin' out in the yard And it's comin' over me in waves But you're haunted by the morning sun You keep digging till the night is over I ain't no doctor, babe I ain't no doctor, son But I'll cool your fever till the doctor comes It's a miracle, babe, but it ain't no fun I just wanna change your mind I just wanna change your mind It might become right away It might become till the day I'm done And I saw it as the house caught fire And I saw it when the thief got brave It's like a night, night, crawler, crawlin' out in the yard And it's comin' over me in waves But it's not here now It's the chance of it I hate It's a hundred thousand miles off Comin' closer every day Awake O Sleeper (The Brothers Bright) - An Awakening Darkness Oh Abraham would raise his hands; and mourn this very day; for his children left the promise land; in search of their own way. They kick and scream like wayward sons; And always wanting to sleep; and dream away these evil days; in hopes that God can't see. There are chains upon your children Lord; Chains upon your children. There are chains upon your children Lord; Chains upon your children. Do you hear the lion roar? (Awake O Sleeper) Stand with me we'll fight the war. (Awake O Sleeper) Your suffering will come again; and never fall away. For we trade our many comforts; Like the ones who bled for grace. There will come a day my God will come; and put me in my place. My God I pray; You'll call my name; instead of turn away. There are chains upon your children Lord; Chains upon your children. There are chains upon your children Lord; Chains upon your children. Do you hear the lion roar? (Awake O Sleeper) Stand with me we'll fight the war. (Awake O Sleeper) Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of Jesus. Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of the Lord. I said, Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of Jesus. Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of God. Do you hear the lion roar? (Awake O Sleeper) Stand with me we'll fight the war. (Awake O Sleeper) Do you hear the lion roar? (Awake O Sleeper) Stand with me we'll fight the war. (Awake O Sleeper) (Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of Jesus; Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of the Lord.) The Man Comes Around (Johnny Cash) - Something Wicked This Way Comes "And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder One of the four beasts saying, 'Come and see.' and I saw, and behold a white horse" There's a man goin' 'round takin' names And he decides who to free and who to blame Everybody won't be treated all the same There'll be a golden ladder reachin' down When the man comes around The hairs on your arm will stand up At the terror in each sip and in each sup Will you partake of that last offered cup Or disappear into the potter's ground? When the man comes around Hear the trumpets hear the pipers One hundred million angels singin' Multitudes are marchin' to the big kettledrum Voices callin', voices cryin' Some are born and some are dyin' It's alpha and omega's kingdom come And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree The virgins are all trimming their wicks The whirlwind is in the thorn tree It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks Till Armageddon no shalam, no shalom Then the father hen will call his chickens home The wise man will bow down before the throne And at his feet, they'll cast their golden crowns When the man comes around Whoever is unjust let him be unjust still Whoever is righteous let him be righteous still Whoever is filthy let him be filthy still Listen to the words long written down When the man comes around Hear the trumpets hear the pipers One hundred million angels singin' Multitudes are marchin' to the big kettledrum Voices callin', voices cryin' Some are born and some are dyin' It's alpha and omega's kingdom come And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree The virgins are all trimming their wicks The whirlwind is in the thorn trees It's hard for thee to kick against the prick In measured hundredweight and penny pound When the man comes around "And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts And I looked, and behold a pale horse And his name that sat on him was death, and hell followed with him" Twilight On The Trail (Clint Eastwood) - Colby’s Trail Song When its twilight on the trail and I jog along The world is like a dream and the ripple of a stream is my song. When its twilight in the trail and I rest once more My ceiling is the sky and the grass in which I lie is my floor. Never, never have a nickel in my jeans Never ever have a debt to pay Still, I understand what real contentment mean Guess I was born that way When its twilight on the trail and my voice is still Please plant this heart of mine underneath the lonesome pine on the hill Guess I was born that way When its twilight on the trail and my voice is still Please plant this heart of mine underneath the lonesome pine on the hill When its twilight on the trail. Flesh And Blood (Johnny Cash) - Making Love Under The Stars Beside a singing mountain stream Where the willow grew Where the silver leaf of maple Sparkled in the morning dew I braided twigs of willows Made a string of buckeye beads But flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need I leaned against a bark of birch And I breathed the honeydew I saw a North-bound flock of geese Against a sky of baby blue Beside the lily pads I carved a whistle from a reed Mother Nature's quite a lady But you're the one I need Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need A cardinal sang just for me And I thanked him for the song Then the sun went slowly down the west And I had to move along These were some of the things On which my mind and spirit feed But flesh and blood need flesh and blood And you're the one I need Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need So when this day was ended I was still not satisfied For I knew everything I touched Would wither and would die And love is all that will remain And grow from all these seeds Mother Nature's quite a lady But you're the one I need Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need Blood On My Name (the Brothers Bright) - Heaven And Hell There's a reckoning a'comin' It burns beyond the grave There's lead inside my belly 'Cause my soul has lost its way Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid? When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you With the hounds of hell coming after you I've got blood, I've got blood on my name When the fires, when the fires are consuming you And your sacred stars won't be guiding you I've got blood, I've got blood, blood on my name Not a spell gonna be broken With a potion or a priest When you're cursed you're always hoping That a prophet would be grieved Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid? Can't you see I'm sorry? I will make it worth your while Made of dead man's money You can see it in my smile Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid? When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you And the whole wide world's coming after you I got blood, I got blood on my name When the fires, when the fires are consuming you And your sacred stars won't be guiding you I got blood, I got blood, blood on my name It won't be long 'Til I'm dead and gone It won't be long 'Til I'm dead and gone Watch the fires rise Burn through my skin Down to the bone Scorching my soul Nowhere to run Nowhere to run Nowhere to run When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you With the hounds of hell coming after you I've got blood, I've got blood on my name When the fires, when the fires are consuming you And your sacred stars won't be guiding you I've got blood, I've got blood on my name When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you And the whole wide world's coming after you I've got blood, I've got blood, blood on my name I See A Darkness (Johnny Cash) - Colby Revealed Well, you're my friend And can you see Many times we've been out drinking Many times we've shared our thoughts But did you ever, ever notice The kind of thoughts I got? Well, you know I have a love A love for everyone I know And you know I have a drive To live, I won't let go But can you see this opposition Comes rising up sometimes? That it's dreadful imposition Comes blacking in my mind And then I see a darkness And then I see a darkness And then I see a darkness And then I see a darkness Did you know how much I love you? Is a hope that somehow you Can save me from this darkness Well, I hope that someday, buddy We have peace in our lives Together or apart Alone or with our wives And we can stop our whoring And pull the smiles inside And light it up forever And never go to sleep My best unbeaten brother This isn't all I see Oh no, I see a darkness Oh no, I see a darkness Oh no, I see a darkness Oh no, I see a darkness Did you know how much I love you? Is a hope that somehow you Can save me from this darkness Evil Ways (Blues Saraceno) - How Can One Love A Monster? Its been so long Long hard days They don't say Gods change my ways Change my ways Those evil ways So I set out Cross that way Strike them down To make them pay Change their ways Their evil ways But I can’t hide Ooooooo And I won't hide Oooooo Yeah! My Evil Ways I found out The hate grow cold The god rise up Damn my soul Cause I ain't change Change my ways I ain't change So I won't hide Ooooo I won't hide Oooooo I can't hide Yeah! Ooooooo I can't hide HEY! My evil ways (Long Solo) Well I can't hide Ooooo And I won't hide Ooooo yeah! Well I can't hide Ooooo ouh! Caus’ I can't hide My evil ways You Are My Sunshine (Johnny Cash) - Deacon The Only Beacon In The Eternal Night The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamt I held you in my arms When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken So I bowed my head and I cried You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know, dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away I've always loved you and made you happy And nothing else could come between But now you've left me to love another You have shattered all of my dreams You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know, dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away Vampyre Dust (Kreeps) - Shadows Of The Vampyre Creepy Western Instrumental Interlude Wanted Dead Or Alive (Bon Jovi) - Wanted For Murder It's all the same, only the names will change Every day, it seems we're wastin' away Another place where the faces are so cold I drive all night just to get back home I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted dead or alive Wanted dead or alive Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days The people I meet always go their separate ways Sometimes you tell the day By the bottle that you drink And times, when you're all alone all you do, is think I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive Wanted (wanted) dead or alive Oh, and I ride (Yeah) Oh, and I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted dead or alive I walk these streets A loaded six-string on my back I play for keeps 'cause I might not make it back I've been everywhere, still, I'm standing tall I've seen a million faces And I've rocked them all I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive And I ride, dead or alive I still drive (I still drive) dead or alive Dead or alive, dead or alive, dead or alive, dead or alive I Will Never Die (Delta Rae) - Colby Immortal Hickory, oak, pine, and weed Bury my heart underneath these trees And when a southern wind comes to raise my soul Spread my spirit like a flock of crows 'Cause I've loved you for too long I've loved you for too long I've loved you for too long Old heat of raging fire Come and light my eyes Summer's kiss to electric wire But I'll never die Sycamore, ash, moss, and loam Wrap your roots all around my bones And when they come for me When they call my name Cast my shadow from a bellow's flame 'Cause I've loved you for too long I've loved you for too long I've loved you for too long (So let the storm come) Old heat of raging fire Come and light my eyes Summer's kiss to electric wire But I'll never die I will never die You can bury my body, but I'll never die In the dead of night (In the dead of night) I'm gonna loose these chains (I'm gonna loose these chains) I'm gonna run and run and run and run and run (Sing on, sister) I'm gonna run and run and run and run Coming for you again (Oh, coming for you again) So let the storm come Old heat of raging fire Come and light my eyes Summer's kiss to electric wire But I'll never die I will never die You can bury my body, but I'll never die Hickory, oak, pine, and weed Bury my heart underneath these trees You Will Find Me (CHPTRS) - Promises Before Sunrise This is more than you can handle This is more than you will ever know Stop now thinking there’s another way You don’t even have the words to say Look around you, look around you Look around you, you’re all alone Don’t worry, you will find me When you need me, I am watching you Don’t worry, you will find me When you call me, I am listening Don’t worry, you will find me When you need me, I am watching you Don’t worry, you will find me Don’t worry, you will find me

I’ve been very busy lately so I was able to get this one done as I had been working on it for a while. I’ll see if I can get the Child of Sunset one done before you go live on Imagine mid-month. I will also have my usual submissions ready. It’s too bad that Jimmy couldn’t have existed in way I could have known him when I was in High School. I would have been that love, that love he needed. Brandon found Billy first, but to have had such a passionate lover as Jimmy is probably a treasure Billy missed out on.

I just posted this with some new songs and lyrics to my blog section: Enjoy the heartbreak.

There is still a Bear Bar in San Diego called 'Pecs' where the 'girls' bathroom ends up being the Sex Room and the men's bathroom is the pee room/pickup room. They've not been called out on it as very few women who care about such things go to Pecs. The Lesbians that have Gay friends usually end up using the men's room and will occupy the stalls in the women's room for Lesbian sex. I had to explain Trans and GenderQueer issues to a Gay friend of mine who 'didn't get it' and had some very prejudiced views on the subject. I recounted some stories from Trans people I have known and illustrated that the experience for Trans is much different than it is or Gays. It is a different facet to human sexuality entirely. To the credit of our Gay Center here in Hillcrest, San Diego, our big 'Gay' Flag has been setting the Transgender standard for the past month in solidarity with the nonsense Trump is putting Transgendered people through here in the US and A recently. I love my Trans friends so much! They are among the most amazing, intelligent, and sensitive people I've ever met. That folk in the Gay community would discriminate against them in any way anywhere makes me quite angry.

Track List —————————————————— Loveless (Lo Moon) - Entering Into The Experience Out Of Reach (Annie) - Endlessly Wanting Him Please, Please, Please Give Me What I Want! (The Dream Academy’s Cover of The Smiths) - Begging For Just One Good Day Shake The Disease (Depeche Mode) - The Crippled Heart Longs For Expression The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get (Morrissey) - The Beginning Of The Obsession See You (Depeche Mode) - Distant Devotion Wishful Thinking (China Crisis) - Bedtime Crises Only The Lonely (The Motels) - ‘Only The Lonely Can Play’ I’ll Always Come Back (Swim Team) - Stuck Within His Relentless Gravity Lie To Me (Depeche Mode) - Taking The Lies Over The Lovelessness In Your Room (Depeche Mode) - Desperate Sexual Fantasies For Him The Golden Boy (Epsen Kraft) - When The Fantasy Becomes Reality Seeing Stars (Empathy Test) - To Be Loveless No More Fool Of Me (Meshell Ndegeocello) - Love’s Fool Hurts Too Much (Cinnamon Chasers) - Broken Entirely So In Love (OMD) - When Love Becomes Hate Without You (Air Supply) - Pleading In Anguish Losing Touch (Empathy Test) - The Sharp Knives Of Being Ignored The One I Gave My Heart To (Aaliyah) - Unravelling Throwing Stones, The Minuit Machine Remix (Empathy Test and The Minuit Machine) - Brandon Will Pay! Love Will Tears Us Apart (Joy Division) - Emails And Photos As Weapons The Crying Game (Boy George) - Loveless Again Suicide Is Painless (Ania Cover) - Ultimately, The Only Way Out Goodbye (Secondhand Serenade) - The Final Farewell The Rumor (Depeche Mode) - ‘Something’s Happened To Jimmy’ Dante’s Prayer (Loreena McKennitt) - A Young Soul Seeking Release And Remembrance ———————————— Loveless (Lo Moon) - Entering Into The Experience Crosses in the distance, bells ring fast Loveless in our shelter, time will pass Could you take the chance on us? Could you take the chance on us? Call out to the lonely with regrets Loveless is your answer, time will pass Couldn’t take a chance on us Couldn’t take a chance on us Take my hand In belief we trace our steps Understand No relief in silhouettes Battled myself so many times What I was isn’t what I want now We can seek denial and search for miles Blessed love, the love I need Rolling drums, the Loveless bleed Take my hand In belief we trace our steps Understand No relief in silhouettes Out Of Reach (Annie) - Endlessly Wanting Him Oh it's Sunday night I am lying in my bed Thinking of the time When I was in your arms The other day Oh it's been so long I could not see Waiting for someone That was always right In front of me Why didn't I say something? Didn't do something? When I knew right Yeah, you could be with me Why was I so blind? Why didn't I take the time? And now you're gone, boy Oh you could be with me Oh I'm lying in my bed And I can not sleep Thinking of the things That You said to me, my baby You're out of reach Tossing and turning I cannot sleep Haunted by the things That I did not say, my baby You're out of reach You're out of reach If I could go back and rewind I'd show you that You're more than just a friend In every way I'd tell you all my secrets Boy, if you come back I'll never let you down I'll let you in Oh I'm lying in my bed And I can not sleep Thinking of the things That you said to me, my baby You're out of reach Tossing and turning I cannot sleep Haunted by the things That I did not say, my baby You're out of reach You're out of reach Where are you now when the lights are low? ‘Cause I'm thinking of you, I won't let you go Why didn't I say something? Didn't do something? When I knew right Yeah, you could be with me Oh I'm lying in my bed And I can not sleep Thinking of the things You said to me, to me Oh I'm lying in my bed And I can not sleep Thinking of the things You said to me, to me Please, Please, Please Give Me What I Want! (The Dream Academy’s Cover of The Smiths) - Begging For Just One Good Day Good times for a change Seems the luck I've had Can make a good man Turn bad So please, please, please Let me, let me, let me Let me get what I want This time Haven't had a dream in a long time Seems the life I've had Can make a good man bad So for once in my life Let me get what I want Lord knows, it would be the first time Lord knows, it would be the first time Shake The Disease (Depeche Mode) - The Crippled Heart Longs For Expression I'm not going down on my knees, Begging you to adore me Can't you see it's misery And torture for me When I'm misunderstood Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could To make you see How important it is for me Here is a plea From my heart to you Nobody knows me As well as you do You know how hard it is for me To shake the disease That takes hold of my tongue In situations like these Understand me Some people have to be Permanently together Lovers devoted to Each other forever Now I've got things to do And I've said before that I know you have too When I'm not there In spirit I'll be there Here is a plea From my heart to you Nobody knows me As well as you do You know how hard it is for me To shake the disease That takes hold of my tongue In situations like these Understand me The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get (Morrissey) - The Beginning Of The Obsession The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time I will be In the bar With my head On the bar I am now A central part Of your mind's landscape Whether you care Or do not Yeah, I've made up your mind The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time Beware! I bear more grudges Than lonely high court judges When you sleep I will creep Into your thoughts Like a bad debt That you can't pay Take the easy way And give in Yeah, and let me in Oh, let me in Oh, let me ahhh Oh, let me in It's war It's war It's war It's war It's war War War War War Oh, let me in Ah, the closer I get Oh, you're asking for it Ah, the closer I get Ooh, the closer I get See You (Depeche Mode) - Distant Devotion All I want to do is see you again Is that too much to ask for? I just want to see your sweet smile Smile the way it was before Well I'll try not to hold you And I'll try not to kiss you And I won't even touch you All I want to do is see you Don't you know that it's true I remember the days when we'd walk through the woods And sit on a bench for a while I treasure the way we used to laugh and play And look in each others eyes You can keep me at a distance if you don't trust my resistance But I swear I won't touch you All I want to do is see you Don't you know that it's true Well, I know five months is a long time And that times change (oh that times change) But I think that you will find People are basically the same (basically the same) If the water's still flowing, we can go for a swim And do the things we used to do And if I'm reluctant you can pull me in And we can relive our youth Oh, but we'll stay friendly like friends and brothers Though I think I still love you All I want to do is see you Don't you know that it's true? Wishful Thinking (China Crisis) - Bedtime Crises It's time we should talk about it There's no secret kept in here Forgive me for asking Now wipe away your tears And if I wish to stop it all And if I wish to comfort the fall It's just wishful thinking I sat on the roof And watched the day go by I see the likeness in his smile and the way he stands Makes it all worthwhile And if I wish to stop it all And if I wish to comfort the fall It's just wishful thinking It's time we should talk about it There's no secret kept in here I see the likeness in his smile and the way he stands Makes it all worthwhile And if I wish to stop it all And if I wish to comfort the fall And if I wish to stop it all And if I wish to comfort the fall It's just wishful thinking Only The Lonely (The Motels) - ‘Only The Lonely Can Play’ We walked the loneliest mile We smile without any style We kiss all together wrong No intention We lie about what each other thinks We live without each other Thinking what anyone would do Without me and you It's like I told you Only the lonely can play So hold on, here we go Hold on to nothin' we know I feel so lonely Way up here You mention the time we were together So long ago well I don't remember All I know is it makes me feel good now It's like I told you only the lonely can play Only the lonely only the lonely can play Only the lonely only the lonely can play It's like I told you only the lonely can play Only the lonely Only the lonely can play I’ll Always Come Back (Swim Team) - Stuck Within His Relentless Gravity Stay here with me before you go You know you're sweet the way you are Fall on my knees, I can't hold on ‘Cause I won't sleep 'til I am with You, I'll kiss your chapped lips We've shared my mattress I'll always come back With you, you'll hold my jacket We're leaving separate You'll never come back Walk in your sleep to the backyard Dig up the bones of what once was I'm growing weak from working hard A shimmerless life when I'm without You, I'll kiss your chapped lips We've shared my mattress I'll always come back With you, you'll hold my jacket We're leaving separate You'll never come back Take back what I said I know that you've tried too If I had what I want Let time go without us With You, I'll kiss your chapped lips We've shared my mattress I'll always come back With you, you'll hold my jacket We're leaving separate You'll never come back Lie To Me (Depeche Mode) - Taking The Lies Over The Lovelessness [Chorus: x2] Come on and lay with me Come on and lie to me Tell me you love me Say I'm the only one Experiences have a lasting impression But words once spoken Don't mean a lot now Belief is the way The way of the innocent And when I say innocent I should say naïve So lie to me But do it with sincerity Make me listen Just for a minute Make me think There's some truth in it [Chorus: x2] Promises made for convenience Aren't necessarily What we need Truth is a word That's lost its meaning The truth has become Merely half-truth So lie to me Like they do it in the factory Make me think That at the end of the day Some great reward Will be coming my way [Chorus: Repeats] In Your Room (Depeche Mode) - Desperate Sexual Fantasies For Him In your room Where time stands still Or moves at your will Will you let the morning come soon Or will you leave me lying here In your favourite darkness Your favourite half-light Your favourite consciousness Your favourite slave In your room Where souls disappear Only you exist here Will you lead me to your armchair Or leave me lying here Your favourite innocence Your favourite prize Your favourite smile Your favourite slave I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here In your room Your burning eyes Cause flames to arise Will you let the fire die down soon Or will I always be here Your favourite passion Your favourite game Your favourite mirror Your favourite slave I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here The Golden Boy (Epsen Kraft) - When The Fantasy Becomes Reality That's all I wanted from you, love That's all I need That's all I wanted from you, love I want release That's all I wanted from you, love Oh, release That's all I wanted from your touch Your golden needs I want to... I want to breathe I want you... I want release I want to... want to breathe I want you... I want release This is the last day of the summer, so wake up boy x4 This is the last day of your world, so wake up boy This is the last day of your world, so wake up boy This is the last day... This is the last day of your world, Golden Boy Seeing Stars (Empathy Test) - To Be Loveless No More Everybody knows you’re not perfect But you still do your best to hide your flaws. Everything you do is just surface But we all know what goes on behind closed doors. You’ll never know how it feels To be out on a limb, in the wind. And you’ll never know how much it hurts To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars Everything we do is falling snowflakes It will all have melted by the dawn. Give up all your fears for your own sakes And follow me out into the storm. You’ll never know how it feels To be out on a limb, in the wind. And you’ll never know how much it hurts To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars Fool Of Me (Meshell Ndegeocello) - Love’s Fool I remember when you filled my heart with joy Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space? 'Cause now you have no interest in anything that I have to say And I have allowed you to make me feel, I feel so dumb What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside You made a fool of me Tell me why You say that you don't care that we made love Tell me why You made a fool of me . . . you made a fool of me I want to kiss you Does he want you with the pain that I do? I smell you in my dreams But now when we're face to face you won't look me in the eye No time, No friendship, No love You say don't touch you I can't touch you no more Can't touch you anymore, anymore I don't touch you anymore You made a fool of me Tell me why You say that you don't care that we made love Tell me why You made a fool of me, you made a fool of me Tell me why. Hurts Too Much (Cinnamon Chasers) - Broken Entirely Today is real and I can see the war starting now between us Broke me in two We could've spent our life together Now we're pushed apart forever Not long to go I gotta get myself together Ain't gonna be like this forever Our broken dreams Now I can't believe our love is finally over It hurts too much to be apart Is it real, this love? Can you feel my touch? Today is real and I can see the war starting now between us Broke me in two We could've spent our life together Now we're pushed apart forever It hurts too much to be apart Is it real, this love? Can you feel my touch? So In Love (OMD) - When Love Becomes Hate Talk to me, don't lie to me Save your breath Don't look at me, don't smile at me Just close your eyes I was so impressed by you I was running blind I would fall for every trick Every twist of mind Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you ~ Jimmy thinks Billy is saying with his silence ‘Don't say your prayers, don't build your hopes Just walk away Don't phone me up, don't call around Don't waste your time’ ‘You were so in awe of me You were so divine You would do just anything To still be mine’ Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you All the things you said to me I was so obsessed You were always talking, talking God, I did my best Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you (I was so in love with you) Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you (I was so in love with you) Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you I was so in love, I was so in love, I was so in love with you So in love with you Without You (Air Supply) - Pleading In Anguish No, I can't forget this evening Or your face as you were leaving But I guess that's just the way the story goes You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows Yes, it shows No, I can't forget tomorrow When I think of all my sorrows When I had you there, but then you let me go And now it's only fair that I should let you know What you should know I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more Can't live, if living is without you Can't give, I can't give any more No, I can't forget this evening Or your face as you were leaving But I guess that's just the way the story goes You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows Yes, it shows I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more Can't live, if living is without you Can't give, I can't give any more I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more Losing Touch (Empathy Test) - The Sharp Knives Of Being Ignored Scared of losing touch If I really mean that much Why pretend that you love him? Don't call me out of the blue It's clear that I still do And you know he knows it too. Going home alone The only love I've known It's always been you. It's always been you. Tell me it's not real Tell me he doesn't make you feel The way I made you feel If you care for me at all You'll hang up when I call You'll clear me the space to fall If you give I will receive And despite what they believe It's always been you. It's always been you. It's always been you. ~ Sam’s Helping Hand ‘When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know ‘ It's always been you. ‘When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know ‘ It's always been you. ‘When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know’ It's always been you. ‘When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know ‘ It's always been you. It's always been you. The One I Gave My Heart To (Aaliyah) - Unravelling How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad? How Could The One Who Made Me Happy, Make Me Feel So Sad? Wont Somebody Tell Me? So I Can Understand. If You Love Me, How Could You Hurt Me Like That? How Could The One I Gave My World To, Throw My World Away? How Could The One Who Said I Love You, Say The Things You Say? How Could The One I Was So True Too, Just Tell Me Lies? How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break This Heart Of Mine? Tell Me........ How Could You Be So Cold To Me? When I Gave You Everything. All My Love, All I Had Inside. How Could you Just Walk Out The Door? How Could You Not Love Me Anymore? I Thought We Had Forever. I Cant Understand. How Could The One I Shared My Dreams With, Take My Dreams From me? How Could The Love That Brought Such Pleasure, Bring Such Misery? Won’t Somebody Tell Me? Somebody Tell Me Please. If You Love Me, How Could You Do That To Me? Tell Me........ How Could you Just Walk Out The Door? How Could You Not Love Me Anymore? I Thought We Had Forever. I Cant Understand. *How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad? How Could The One Who Made Me Happy, Make Me Feel So Sad? Wont Somebody Tell Me? So I Can Understand. If You Love Me, How Could You Hurt Me Like That?* How Could The One I Gave My World To, Throw My World Away? How Could The One Who Said I Love You, Say The Things You Say? How Could The One I Was So True Too Just Tell Me Lies? *How Could The One I Gave My Heart To..... How Could The One I Gave My Heart To.... How Could The One I Gave My Heart To Break This Heart of Mine? Tell Me........ Throwing Stones, The Minuit Machine Remix (Empathy Test and The Minuit Machine) - Brandon Will Pay! Flicking through yesterday’s news Slipping my neck into the noose again Well it fits so well. Doesn't know where his loyalties lie - Then again neither do I. Going out thinking I am there Waking up in his arms but then I Never knew it would be so hard Never knew I would be a part of this Bitterness. I try to fall awake but I still sleep Wait for a week but I am weak And resolutions fail And once again I'm throwing stones At your window. Throwing stones At your window. Stand in the payphone, count to ten But you won’t call me back again. Sends a little shiver right through me When I hear you running down to me. But I know you’ll only turn away ‘Cause you've got nothing left to say to me Well; hear me out. I try to fall awake but I still sleep Wait for a week but I am weak. And resolutions fail And once again I'm throwing stones At your window. Throwing stones At your window. Throwing stones At your window. Throwing Stones At your window. Love Will Tear Us Apart (Joy Division) - Emails And Photos As Weapons ~ Sending a photo hoping Billy will think this about Brandon ‘When routine bites hard And ambitions are low And resentment rides high But emotions won't grow And we're changing our ways, taking different roads Then love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again Why is the bedroom so cold? You've turned away on your side Is my timing that flawed? Our respect runs so dry Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives But love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again You cry out in your sleep All my failings exposed And there's a taste in my mouth As desperation takes hold Just that something so good just can't function no more But love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again’ The Crying Game (Boy George) - To Be Loveless Again I know all there is to know about the crying game I've had my share of the crying game First there are kisses Then there are sighs And then, before you know where you are You're sayin' goodbye One day soon, I'm gonna tell the moon about the crying game And if he knows, maybe he'll explain Why there are heartaches (Heartaches)? Why there are tears (So sad)? Then what to do to stop feeling blue When love disappears First there are kisses (Kisses) Then there are sighs (So sad) And then, before you know where you are You're sayin' goodbye Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more) Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more) Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more) Don't want no more of the crying game Suicide Is Painless (Ania Cover) - Ultimately, The Only Way Out Through early morning fog I see Visions of the things to be The pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see That suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please The game of life is hard to play I'm gonna lose it anyway The losing card I'll someday lay So this is all I have to say Suicide is painless (suicide) It brings on many changes (changes) And I can take or leave it if I please The sword of time will pierce our skins It doesn't hurt when it begins But as it works its way on in The pain grows stronger Watch it grin Suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please A brave man once requested me To answer questions that are key ‘Is it to be or not to be?’ And I replied, ‘oh why ask me?’ Suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please And you can do the same thing if you please Goodbye (Secondhand Serenade) - The Final Farewell It's a shame that it had to be this way It's not enough to say I'm sorry It's not enough to say I'm sorry Maybe I'm to blame Or maybe we're the same But, either way I can't breathe Either way I can't breathe All I had to say is goodbye We're better off this way We're better off this way I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive ‘Cause everything we've been through And everything about you Seemed to be a lie A guiltless twisted lie It made me learn to hate you Or hate myself for letting it pass by All I had to say is goodbye We're better off this way We're better off this way All I had to say is goodbye We're better off this way We're better off this way And every, everything isn't only What it seemed so hold these Words that you never told me Its time to say goodbye Its time to say goodbye Its time to say goodbye Goodbye Bye Take my pain away Tear it out Tell me I was wrong Tell me I was wrong Take my pain away Tear it out Tell me I was wrong Tell me I was wrong Take my pain away Tear it out Tell me I was wrong Tell me I was wrong (And so on) The Rumour (Depeche Mode) - ‘Something’s Happened To Jimmy’ Boy of fourteen Whole life ahead of him Slashed his wrists Bored with life Didn't succeed Thank the Lord For small mercies Fighting back the tears Mother reads the note again Fourteen candles burn in her mind She takes the blame It's always the same She goes down on her knees And prays . . . ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ Boy of fourteen Fell in love with somebody Found new life inside their eyes Hit by a lie Ended up On a life support machine Summer's day As he passed away Birds were singing In the summer's sky Then came the rain And once again A tear fell From his mother's eye ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ Dante’s Prayer (Loreena McKennitt) - A Young Soul Seeking Release And Remembrance When the dark wood fell before me And all the paths were overgrown When the priests of pride say there is no other way I tilled the sorrows of stone I did not believe because I could not see Though you came to me in the night When the dawn seemed forever lost You showed me your love in the light of the stars Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea When the dark night seems endless Please remember me Then the mountain rose before me By the deep well of desire From the fountain of forgiveness Beyond the ice and fire Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea When the dark night seems endless Please remember me Though we share this humble path, alone How fragile is the heart Oh give these clay feet wings to fly To touch the face of the stars Breathe life into this feeble heart Lift this mortal veil of fear Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears We'll rise above these earthly cares Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea When the dark night seems endless Please remember me Please remember me Please remember me Please remember me . . .

Living as I did through the Pat Robertson/AIDS-ridden 80s it would have been rather incumbent upon me to keep anything Gay a secret. Rather than keep secrets, though, I just denied myself and lived without romantic relationships. I tried with girls, but could never connect sufficiently. It was a different time and, even during the slow thaw of the 90s I didn't come out of my closet. Today I am Gay out loud and encourage anyone who can to come out sooner than later, but . . . I also appreciate the fact that a lot of people still live in places where it is very dangerous to be Gay. For these people, particularly young ones, I encourage them to prepare themselves as best as they can to become independent as soon as possible so that they can live free. It is best to do this younger than older. When you come out as an older man you just don't have the same options as you do when you are young. If, in my youth, however, I'd met a boy who wanted me enough to brave the world we lived in, I would have been with him in secret and braved it. But, that didn't happen so I'll never know for sure.

I saw a reference to this after a deep search. It looks like a beautiful film.

Happy Halloweird (I know it’s All Saints now, but whatever! ) I hope nobody bit you where you didn’t want to get bit!

Just for fun I wrote a Brandon themed Halloweird story (Comsie Approved). It is the followup to Comsie’s story from earlier this year GFD: The Secret Death Of Billy Chase https://www.gayauthors.org/story/mrm/vignettesbymrm/3 You can also read it here if you like: https://imagine-magazine.org/releases/volume-41/brandon-hunting/ Would love feedback.

“The Pearl” by Steinbeck sticks with me for some reason. Maybe because it tells of life just south of me. A very different life so close to me.

AAAAAAAH! 😮

We certainly are all drama queens.

This totally rocks!

Hehehe!

Thanks, Sweetness!

I decided, shortly after reading this, that Brandon Hunting DID, in fact, need to be written and so, for Halloweird I am releasing GFD: Brandon Hunting: https://www.gayauthors.org/story/mrm/vignettesbymrm/3 You can also read it here and many other fun Halloweird things Comsie has made and curiated for this year’s festivities: https://imagine-magazine.org/releases/volume-41/

Thanks for giving me a place to post stuff.