Cynus

I'll respond in depth when I get a chance, but I was definitely not offended. I was only trying to offer up another way of looking at things. There was a time when I did self-identify as a gay man, and even then I would have had a hard time telling you if it was because I was emotionally or physically attracted to guys. I'm just saying that it's a whole package deal, to me, and even the most carefully constructed poll wouldn't give me enough room to write my answer.

I can't rightfully say it's either, or perhaps I could say it's both at the same time? I can see it both ways, but I don't think either is quite adequate. I've used both of these thought processes before in order to attempt to diagnose my sexuality, and all it has done in the end is bring me more questions. I define gay as "attracted to a person of the same gender", and the key word in there is 'attraction'. For some people, that attraction is emotional, and for others it's physical, and for some people it is both in equal amounts. But what it comes down to, after everything, is that 'gay' is simply a label, and like all labels, it falls short of being able to cover the entire scope of human experience within it's tiny three letter packaging. Am I gay because I have loved men, both emotionally and physically? You can see it that way, surely. But I've also loved women, and at least one of them I've loved as deeply on both an emotional and physical scale as the man I've love the most in my life. So, does that mean I'm bisexual, or does that mean I'm gay when I'm with a guy, and straight when I'm with a woman? I prefer to think of myself as "me", and to not define myself as a "gay person", a "straight person", a "bisexual person", or anything else. I only use terms such as these when I'm communicating to another person, in order to help them understand me quickly. But I don't believe it can possibly be this simple. Sexuality is both immensely complex in form, and simple to understand (Unless you're some sort of backwater bigot). It is complex because it is a wide spectrum, with many people falling in the middle rather than the extremes. There are so many shifts and turns in human sexuality that we could get lost in it forever if allowed to explore it fully. Do you know that there's massive lists of terms at http://www.asexuality.org/en/ for defining where someone fits on the scale of "non-traditional" human attraction? I swear they add new terms to it every day! That was hyperbole, but it really is amazing how many terms have been defined for differences in human sexuality. And then, human sexuality is also simple, because in its barest form, all it means is that Person A feels this way about Person B, and it is up to them to decide what to do about it. I don't define myself as a gay person, so I can't answer the poll, but I do define myself as being free to love whom I want to love, both physically and emotionally. That's the best i can do. Some links to what I was referring to: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/ http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/120155-gender-definitions-master-list-draft/ http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/76092-romantic-and-aromantic-lexicon-and-faq/

Those all seem like good reasons, though if the third were true you'd have an issue if it were one of our lovely female members who posted as the 143rd.

Only the crackling of the last few embers broke the silence of the night. There wasn’t anything moving beyond the flickering flames in his vision, the last remnants of destruction wrought by the Alliance attack on the small fortress that had been erected by a small resistance group only a few months before. They had thought their base would be remote enough to avoid detection, but they had been found, tracked down by the noses of the werewolves who would stop at nothing to tear them apart. T

I have a hard time with abuse, normally. It makes me exceptionally angry when I read about it; angry enough that it affects everything I do afterward. Surprisingly, that didn't happen here. Which is good news for Valkyrie as that means I'm going to give Penguin another shot. You definitely presented the introspection of a journal entry very well, and I think you've got a good handle on the personality/issues of an abused individual. Well done. I look forward to seeing Stefan's dad get what's coming to the bastard. Especially if he killed Stefan's mother as i suspect.

My apologies, Kitt. I was responding as much to the general attitude toward depression in our society as I was to the individual points raised, and I cannot help but view this topic through the bias of my own personal experience, and my own battles with it. I was not meaning to cause offense, and I apologize if I generated a feeling of aggression. I had not noticed the time stamps, either, and so I apologize for any confusion which arose from that misunderstanding as well. In reference to your specific line of "Now, not a one of us said he should not talk about it", neither did I accuse you of such a thing, though I can certainly see how I could have given that impression. This was where i was addressing the general attitude toward depression in our society, where people (at least where I grew up) always told me to hide my unhappiness, that I should "cheer up because the world isn't so bad" as if tired cliches could somehow solve the problem of depression. I'm somewhat removed from the original emotions which sparked my response to this post yesterday, so I can't say for certain what was said which sparked my rant, but I did not mean to accuse any of you of trying to stop warrior1 from talking. My problem is with society and it's stance on depression, not those here on GA. While I don't disagree that medications can be useful for people with depression, I don't believe they are useful for everyone. Medication was NOT the answer for me, personally. I hated it for the same reason I hate drugs and alcohol. it dulled my senses and made me unable to experience the world as fully as possible, which ended up increasing my depression in the long run. I also do not believe it is always something which can be solved by professionals, either. Yes, I needed one at a point, and he put me on a path. I don't need him anymore, and he thought so too. I keep having downs, sure, but my overall life continues to improve. What more can I ask for? Both professionals and medication are tools, and they work for many in differing amounts. For the most part, neither work for me, though I don't mind seeing a professional every now and then. The secret to beating my depression has always been communication, and so I fight for the ability to talk about it with more passion than I fight for most things. But I do apologize if it came across as a personal attack. I appreciate all the members of this community who have taken the time to support me.

She watches him every day, living for his smile and wishing she could find the same happiness. He is in love, and wants to tell her the truth. When it's all said and done, the truth is even more powerful than either had expected.

She was watching him from the moment he left through the double doors of the old red brick building that was Hamilton High School. He was beautiful in every way, but nothing captivated her more than his glowing smile as he said goodbye to his friends as they parted ways at the end of the long school day. His smile seemed brighter almost every day. She wished that she could smile like that. The thought jarred her as unpleasant memories came rushing back to her; memories of times that shattere

Aww... Thanks, buddy.

Thank you for such a wonderful review! I'm glad you appreciate the flow, and the emotion I put behind it. This story was based off of some of my personal experiences, so I suppose it was easier to get that feeling in this story than in others. Thanks again for reading!

My heart was broken yesterday. Does that sound a tad cliche? Perhaps it is, but not to me, For now my love will never be. But in the silence of the night, I contemplate my common plight, And now, quite plainly, I can see, That in the breaking, I am free.

My heart was broken yesterday. Does that sound a tad cliche? Perhaps it is, but not to me, For now my love will never be. But in the silence of the night, I contemplate my common plight, And now, quite plainly, I can see, That in the breaking, I am free. Yesterday, I learned something about a friend of mine. She is in love with someone; a person whom I do not know, but who has been in her life for some time. There was a time when she could tell me anything, and in fact, would. I was her confidant; her source of wisdom in times of distress. And I loved her. I loved her as deeply as I have ever loved another. I have never found another soul who matched me so perfectly, who played into my weaknesses with her strengths, and who needed my own strengths where she was weak. Even my first love, whom I surely loved as deeply before he passed on from this world, did not match me point for point as well as this woman did. She and I argued, and debated, but it was all in the pursuit of greater understanding and overcoming obstacles together. And then . . . And then, the lying started. We both began to hold back, truth disappeared in the face of some need to protect the other from it. We hid it under everything we could, until there was nothing left between us but shadows and masks. But yet, somehow, I knew behind that mask still waited the woman I'd fallen so deeply and madly in love with. And I held onto that thought in so many ways, I let it consume me, and my every action and thought was tempered somehow by how it would affect my being with her. It wasn't always conscious, but I realize now, looking back, that it was always there. I wanted to be with her, and so it kept me from other relationships, other pursuits, because they would have taken me away from the ghost of the good thing we'd had. I felt a panic unlike anything I'd ever felt before when I found out she was in love with another. I went from anger, to fear, to jealousy, to depression, to anxiety, to numbness . . . I stopped at numbness when it became apathy. I'd just passed through a torrent of emotion and then suddenly, I was left with this dark sea of nothingness. And I waited for something to happen. For a time, nothing did. And then, slowly at first, it began to brighten. There was movement in the nothingness, and I was swept up into an emotional state which I've not felt in a long time. I felt as if an anchor had been withdrawn, and for a moment I was able to move freely. The obsession I'd built up quietly within my soul had shattered. I knew that she was gone, that there'd never truly been hope of reconciliation, but yet I'd held onto the thought anyway. But suddenly my obsession had no ground on which to stand, and it crumbled to dust. I don't know what this new found freedom might become. I don't know where I'm headed. What I do know is that she no longer holds power over me, and for the first time in years, I don't feel weighed down by the thought of my captor, who has held my heart hostage with her intoxicating soul. My heart is broken, and I am free. And that is perhaps the best feeling I've felt in a long while.

What the 1190 F?

I think the last one is definitely my favorite, and the one I wish I'd been taught with.

I didn't plan it that way, it just conveniently happened. I was fairly pleased when it did, however. The next chapter is very important and... well, it's going to upset some people, to put it frankly. I wish I had twelve hours a day to write as well. That's the goal. I'll make it some day. Thank you so much for your support. I do go back to see if I've missed any reviews from time to time. I did that last week, actually. But there is a notification system to tell me when new reviews are added. Sometimes, however, I get a notification at an inopportune time and don't get around to replying to the review until much later because I forget about it. I'm sorry if I've ever done that to one of yours! Thank you for the review.

And thank you for the review! I didn't actually plan for this to be released right before Halloween, it just worked out that way.

Ah, well, you can't blame me for wanting to be a bit unique, eh? I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the review.

You're welcome. It wasn't Jacob's time yet, which is pretty much the story of his undeath. This was an important chapter for a lot of reasons, but I really enjoyed showing the other side of a lot of these characters. People act differently when their loved ones are threatened, and this is no exception. Thank you for the review.

Magic is an important tool in storytelling. Fantasy creates a platform upon which our minds can entertain abstract ideas which we would normally have difficulty considering. It is similar to asking a rhetorical question, but extending the philosophy to a storytelling setting. I don't think I have any vampires, actually... hmmm... maybe they're all dead? Plenty of mythology creeps up in Ashes of Fate, however. I enjoyed playing with the indigenous people of Canada. Fun stuff. India's always had an allure for me as well, and clearly for Nevala, too. There's a good reason for every single death or disappearance which occurs in A of F, except possibly one... I warn you, if death of characters is a turnoff you might not want to continue with season 2... Thank you for the review.

I spent a few hours deliberating whether or not I was going to join in here, and I think I have to, now. First things first, warrior1 made it clear that he was already seeing someone. I don't see why everyone is being insistent that he see someone when he already is, especially since he also made it clear that he's had no major downs lately. And then, on another point, talking about depression and anxiety is exactly what needs to be done in order for it to be addressed. This forum post, created for this purpose, is exactly what people like warrior1 and I need in order to get some of our feelings out there. The alternative, especially for asocial people, is to bottle it up. Having the open forum of the internet as a place to address these issues is not only great for those of us who aren't comfortable talking face to face, it also opens up to a wider pool of experience for us to pull from on addressing our issues. How could that possibly be a bad thing? It needs to be discussed, and it needs to be discussed more often. We like to sweep depression under the rug and pretend there's no validity to it when there are so many people who suffer from it. I'm sorry if I sound aggressive right now, but I am extremely passionate about this subject, because I was taught my entire life to hide my unhappiness because no one wanted to see it. How can we possibly expect to overcome it if we're told to keep it behind closed doors? I'm depressed because I feel confined, so how would more confinement be the answer? I once officially came out as gay(and then bisexual once I learned more about myself), and I am now officially coming out as depressed. I don't want to live a secret life of unhappiness while showing a fake smile to the world, because I want to bring it to the forefront. I want to overcome it, and find out what is causing my happiness. I can't afford to spend time addressing symptoms and ignoring the cause. And so, warrior1, I will definitely answer your questions. Depression: I have never been officially diagnosed, but I'd say I've been dealing with it since I was very young. Probably around six. Even without the official diagnosis, it's not hard to know I have it. I'd say it's relatively constant, though I do go through long periods of mild lows, and short bursts of extreme highs. I have been to one before, and he helped me put some things into perspective. I have very openminded friends who listen to me when I'm at my worst, and my support network is kind of awesome. Can't afford a counselor normally, but they do the trick. They keep me from hurting myself, anyway, and help me find reasons to continue. Has it taken a toll? Yes, however open and honest communication has healed a number of those rifts. Most people who genuinely care about you are understanding when you take the time to explain your feelings. We often feel that people don't care when we're depressed, and that makes it more difficult to trust others, but if people care, they listen. Yes, I have. And it's not the right way to go. For fear of being yelled at, however, I won't list my full opinion on this subject. Addiction to treat depression creates a cycle which will lead to more problems. It's addressing the symptoms, not the cause, by helping you feel better in the moment rather than to feel better overall. Artistic expression helps a lot. Talking about it and hunting down the cause helps me more than anything else. I treat my own depression the way I treat bullies, and I fight back with everything I have. Sometimes it's stronger than me and it wins, but as long as i keep fighting it I usually stay on top. Being able to express my emotions in writing, however, has been a necessary release. Suicide: Yes, I've had suicidal thoughts before, though they've become less common ever since I started talking about my depression openly. I used to get them everyday(My depression was very bad), but now I have them perhaps once a month at the most? Once every two? It's somewhat hard to judge, because my depression is affected by the seasons. I'm more depressed in summer than in winter, and so I had more this past summer than I'm having right now, or did in the Spring. I'd say it's probably once a month or so in the summer, and once every few months the rest of the year. I have attempted it. I am obviously still here. I haven't attempted it in the last four years, which corresponds to when I started being open about it. I only cut myself once, ever. It wasn't something for me. Social Anxiety Disorder: Yes. I do have social anxiety disorder. I had it when I was younger, and for some reason it became much milder during my late teens to around twenty. I think it resurfaced when I started addressing my sexuality and how it pertained to my faith, not to mention I was stuck in a religious situation with no way out, and I had to keep pretending to be something I wasn't. It began to make me neurotic. Most days are good with my SAD, and I don't have a terrible issue making friends (I'm normally quite good at it, actually) but I suffer in professional settings. When there's something on the line, it freaks me out. It definitely affects me romantically, but that's a whole different can of worms, and this post is already way too long...

The gods willing, my next story will release in January, fully edited and ready to post at a rate of one chapter a week for a solid few months. I'm about halfway through chapter four of it now, and it's still going strong, so we'll see what happens. I think it's flowing as well as this story did for me, so there's hope it will be just as good if not better. As mentioned once in an earlier reply, reincarnation is very central to the Celtic theme. Sam may have that opportunity to live that human life, still, but he would have to give up his potential life with Arawn in order to make it happen. I think Sam staying is likely the better of the two options, personally. Thank you for the review.

It was that time of year again. The time that he relived it all. There was nothing like the cold chill running through the complex that reminded him of those days spent wandering the countryside, hiding from everyone. Those had been dark days, worse than any others he had ever experienced. He had been hungry, cold, and had done his best to be forgotten. Ethan sighed and looked away from his computer, his eyes scanning the lab which he now called home. Things were different now. He was no lon

Samhain has always been intriguing to me, and this was the opportunity to finally delve deep into the subject. I found it enthralling, especially when I learned about the Hunt, and Arawn. There was so much depth in the tradition, even with the limited resources I had at my disposal, and I found so much which intrigued me and led me even deeper. It's a subject I highly recommend for others to look into, especially those interested in the realm of fantasy, or writing in general. The Celts knew how to build characters, let me tell you. Thank you for the review.

The good thing is that in the Celtic tradition, reincarnation is still an inevitability. Brenda has a good chance of seeing Sam again at some point, whether it's a brief passing into the Arawn's realm, or whether Sam decides to one day venture into the world to return to the cycle of rebirth. There is a lot which can happen, and the story can be considered far from over, even though this particular piece of it surely is for now. But that concept of eternal love was one of the major driving forces behind this story, and I was glad it worked out so well, both for me and for the readers. Thank you for the review.

Thank you for the review, Gary. I appreciate all the compliments, and I will try to keep them from going to my head. One thing to note is that it isn't just about Sam's pain turning to hope, but that it's Arawn's pain turning to hope as well. To say that the story is about that is absolutely spot on.