Parker Owens
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For some very strange reason - moon, work, long bus ride, I don't know - I had an attack of he he menacholies as I composed these. The form lends itself to this, I think. But you are right, these three together are most powerfully sad. They are not about me, but as I might have or could still become. Perhaps fhey are more about my own fear than anything else Thank you for your review and your concern. - Parker
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Don't worry, my friend. I'm okay. The form, or the moon, or the bus ride into town, or something got to me. I'm sorry to worry you; I tried to tell a tragedy in three verses. I could blame AC, he was my inspiration, kind of; but these were all mine.
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Thanks, Val. Can't say what came over me; maybe the moon, maybe the form?
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You have been through so much, and yet you know you are beloved, cared for and held up by a family wider than you can imagine. And this one, tiny, part of that family weeps for you and sends you blessings.
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One. The boy I wanted to befriend came out to me. He thinks me safe and far too wise for love. Two. My face and body scare others away. I pray my heart and soul serve love's purpose better. Three. Lonely, old, never loved, all affection foregone, I glean passion's crumbs. I find no solace.
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Oh dear, I'm sorry to be a trial in releasing chapters. But I do understand in that it is sometimes very frustrating to wait for the next chapter to reveal itself. It was both difficult and delightful to write Andy's slow development. gun, because it's what we all want for him - hard because the temptation is to hurry it along, when that isn't really how we grow at all. At least, that's how I saw it. And using the "m-word" with Monica revealed quite a lot. Thanks for your really nice and encouraging words, and for your continuing to read Andy's story.
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I thank you for your very kind comments, especially after a multi-chapter binge. You may not recall this, but you were one of the he first to welcome me to GA. I appreciate that, and I appreciate your insights and thoughts about Stefan-Eric-Andy's life. It's hard enough just realizing the poor kid has had three different names in six months. The good part in all your observations is that Andy (for we must call him Andy now) has stayed put for the longest time since he fled Carlsberg. Many thanks to you for your reviews and most especially for your reading Andy's story.
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For Eric, breaks are very, very hard to come by. He's had several already - he still has a warm place to sleep and an actual job for the moment - and he's no longer on the road. Perhaps that ought to be enough. But it does look like he got in over his head this time. Thanks a ton for reading Eric's journal, and for your review, which I really, really appreciate.
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Tim said it perfectly, indeed. Andy's growth here is incremental, slow, and terribly significant in all the little things that happen. Others might not think much of their importance, but we can. And for the moment, Andy can know a taste of love, contentment and an almost-normal life. Thanks for your remarks and encouragement, and for reading the chapters of Andy's story.
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This review speaks exactly what I have been trying to portray in this and the past few chapters. I thank you for saying this so succinctly. Andy emerging is one of the most wonderful things to imagine (and for me to write about). Maybe that's what I found compelling about this segment of his story; his becoming. Thanks for your piercing insight and for continuing to read the slow chapters of Andy's life.
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I am so glad you liked this chapter. Kaz coaching Andy to see himself more clearly was a highlight in writing this for me. Lots of good things happening, yes, and he is doing them on his own. All the better. Thanks for reading another chapter in Andy's life.
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It's like Andy is shedding an old skin and emerging all new. It's a slow thing to watch, as life usually happens slowly. But then one can look back and wonder if this was the same kid who wrote about deserving whatever bad happened to him. Thanks for your kind words, and for reading another chapter in Andy's life.
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Andy was doomed...I love that. The inadvertent "mom" must have hit Monica like a ton of bricks. Would dearly have loved to have been watching her when it happened. I totally agree that Kaz is as good a teacher and coach as he could ever hope for. Many thanks for your review, and for reading another chapter in Andy's story.
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Great chapter to begin. But what a fall!
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For Andy to use the "M-word" with Monica, especially accidentally - purely naturally, for he noticed it after the fact - would be a big deal both for him and for Monica. And good for Kaz for trying to help Andy see himself more clearly. Thanks for your comments, which I truly appreciate. And most of all, thanks for reading another chapter in Andy's life.
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I am glad that there is a good sense to the word 'cute.' Sometimes I think that word gets too much of a workout. Andy may be a little sore after his workout with Kaz, but what is so lovely is his innocence about it all. He doesn't know that it was 'Suicide Hill,' so he just tries his damndest. He trusts Kaz enough that he won't put him through anything horrendously bad. Thank you for the very kind comparisons and for your very adept and perceptive remarks. Most of all, thanks for reading another chapter of Andy's life.
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I really appreciate your telling us the story of your promise. Something compels you to act, to commit - and you do. How good you were to your friend then. Andy did the same for Jeff Ellison. Using the "M-word" with Monica must have been a big deal, I agree. And yes, it's clear, Andy still has some cognitive dissonance because he needs people like Kaz to describe him as he really is, in the same way a blind person needs a friend to pick out clothes that match. Thank you for your insightful comments and for reading another chapter in Andy's life.
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I really appreciate your telling us the story of your promise. Something compels you to act, to commit - and you do. How good you were to your friend then. Andy did the same for Jeff Ellison. Using the "M-word" with Monica must have been a big deal, I agree. And yes, it's clear, Andy still has some cognitive dissonance because he needs people like Kaz to describe him as he really is, in the same way a blind person needs a friend to pick out clothes that match. Thank you for your insightful comments and for reading another chapter in Andy's life.
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Thanks for a grand chapter. CJ and Owen can't hog all the fun; glad the Dads got some together time, too. CJ certainly seems well older than his age interacting with guys like Dawson. Nice to see him get a smackdown. What a hoot to see a Tyson Hill reference. Thanks to you and Mark McNally.
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I don't think you are at all weird about this. Of course, I don't get much in the way of fan mail, but I'm content with the GA Personal Message system, rather than the other services. That's my opinion, of course.
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Thank you for saying it's beautiful. I think it's beautiful that Andy can just relax and hang with Kaz, go to a party and make a friend. This is a simple, normal chapter in a normal kid's life. Beautiful.
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Thank you for extending the running metaphor. Andy may not live on 'planet running' as Kaz does, but he could relate to what you say, nonetheless. And Kaz totally set Andy up, didn't he? Thanks for your insight, and for reading another chapter in Andy's life.
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The signs of growth and progress are all around Andy, but he doesn't always see them. This chapter amply records these signs, as you say. That Kaz feels okay enough with Andy to set him straight (so to speak) about his abilities says a lot about how their friendship has grown, too. Yes, Andy is so silly sometimes, but you are also right in pointing out how emerging from hell can color his view of the world. Thanks again for your kind reviews and for reading yet another chapter in Andy's life.
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It was a good thing that Kaz called Andy out over the way he talks about himself. Coming from Zander, Andy might discount it as the view through boyfriend lenses. Instead, Kaz simply told the truth as he saw it. You're right about Andy using the "M-word" with Monica. That's hardly an insignificant moment. Thanks for your honest, Kaz-like review, and for reading yet another chapter in Andy's life.
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March 11 Today, running with Kaz was the major event. At least, he treated it that way. In the morning, Kaz took me on what he called a distance run, and which I think must have been a marathon. I felt like we had run thirty miles, though Kaz assured me we’d only done fourteen. We took a long route to the south of his house, into territory I’d never walked. I was happy that it seemed to go downhill, at first, until I realized at the next hill that we’d be going up again. And then up some mo
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