jkwsquirrel

The month of April flew by very quickly. Things got very busy in my life. For one thing, the second half of the baseball season started. That occupied a lot of my time as the scorekeeper for the high school team. I also thought of a way to spend more time with Brett. I offered to tutor him. That gave me an excuse to get off the bus at his house, and more time to spend with the boy I loved. Brett thought I was joking about tutoring him at first, but I really did want to help him. I didn’t

Thank you Karl! You've pretty much nailed it! We'll be dealing with everything you've brought up in the up-coming chapters. Let's see how it all works out!

Simply the calm before the storm... (ominous foreshadowing) Billy's about to do something incredibly bone-headed, and once he starts digging, he only knows one way to get out of a hole - keep digging! I'm completely serious, one of the boys will live up to the title and be revealed as the broken boy at the end. But don't worry, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Well, in the story we're in rural, post 9-11, 2002 paranoia America, so things aren't exactly going to be rosey and accepting. But things aren't as bad as Billy believes. Now, I can't come right out and tell you that Dr. Reilly knows, because of reasons (darn that Billy!), but I think her behavior is the up-coming chapters will be a pretty big clue as to whether she knows what's up or not.

Thank you Jay. I can't tell you how valuable your story is, and thank you for sharing it. What you've described is exactly where I've been going with Brett. It's my hope that others in a similar situation can learn from this is that they aren't alone, and that things can get better, and that it's okay to ask for help.

Oh yes! The dominoes are all set up, just waiting for one little push to knock them all down!

Thanks Spikey! What a great overview of what's up in the story. You've captured much of what's going on and I thank you. I'll just add a few thoughts: I agree, communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, especially an intimate one. The boys will have to work on being honest with each other if they want to have a successful relationship. Billy knows what he wants to know sometimes. For instance, he "knows" his grandma won't get better. He "knows" his dad is sick. He "knows" something is going on with Brett that Brett's not telling him. But what he wants to know is that his grandma will get better, his dad is okay, and Brett's perfect. Oh, he also wants to know that no one could possibly know he's gay. Part of growing up is facing the reality that life isn't everything you hoped it would be, and learning from it. Billy will learn eventually, when he realizes he doesn't know everything. I love your description of Mike: "I didn't get a particularly creepy vibe from the neighbor at first." That's how it always starts. I understand your comment about the story being hard to read sometimes. It's definitely not a picnic. I put the boys through some horrible situations. I think what makes their situation especially troubling is that everything that happens in the story is plausible. There's nothing outlandish about the events of the story, this could be anyone's life. You get sucked into what's going on because you could see it really happening. Let's be honest, who hasn't wanted to grab Billy by the shoulders and shake him? "Grow up you little jerk!" I get everything you said and I agree. I wish I could say it's all going to get better, but in a lot of ways things are going to get worse. But I hope you'll stick with me, because it's always darkest before the dawn. As George says, "Life is never easy, sometimes it's less hard, but it's never easy."

Thanks DQ! While Dr. Reilly may know, Billy doesn't think she knows, and he's the narrator, so if he doesn't think she knows, but she knows, she wouldn't look like she knows, because he doesn't know that she knows, even if she knows and he doesn't know that she knows. You know what I mean?

I think you'll like it though!

Ugh, I've been sick with a stomach bug since Saturday and only now am I starting to feel normal again. The human body is not supposed to sound like a coffee machine! But I wanted to say thanks guys for the thoughts and comments on the latest chapter. I've been thrilled with the response to the story. Of course we had the big moment in the last chapter of Billy and Brett making it official at long last. Of course, that's not to say that it'll make things any easier for them. Mwah ha ha ha ha!!!!! But it was a milestone, and an important one at that. One of the challenges of writing in the first person perspective of a 15 year old is that there are things that I have to show you that Billy is unaware of, either because he doesn't get it, or he choses not to believe it. Everything you know about Billy and his world is because he's told it to you. You know there's a big truck heading his way because he's given you enough details to know that something big is coming. As a reader, you can see all the bigger picture that he can't see because he's living in the moment. You can connect the dots, while Billy doesn't know there are dots at all, just a bunch of stuff that happens to him. There is much that I would love to tell you that I can't because Billy is the story teller and he is not omniscient. It's also hard because he's still got a lot of growing to do, and the events to come will shape him into the man he will be. Billy is a work in progress. He does really dumb things because he's not very mature at the moment. He's learning, but it is a process. For example, in this last chapter Billy is very phallocentric, isn't he? (In other words, obsessed with his dick.) Brett's doing this intimate act of love and Billy's mind is all about what it means for himself and his penis, and then "oh yeah, guess I should do you too." Is Billy self-centered, a bit egotistical, a little full of himself? You're damn right he is! He'll learn. Life will knock him off his pedestal eventually. It's stuff like this that makes writing fun for me. I get to take you on a journey. I get to be a grumpy, angsty, sarcastic teenage kid with a good heart and a quick temper for a while. I treasure the trust you place in me to be your guide along the way.

Easter Sunday came and went with all its Easter activities. Easter, like most holidays, kind of loses its appeal when you’re a teenager. Sure, you get a day off of school, but when your parents stop giving out baskets of chocolates, you kind of lose interest. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but Brett. I had to talk with him as soon as possible! I had to figure out with him just what our relationship was going to be. He was the only one I could talk to about it, and he was three hundred

We're at the halfway point of Part 3 - The Broken Boy. I must say I've been thrilled with the response. You readers are amazing! Thanks for all the encouragement and love for the story. I'm going to try to make Monday the day to drop new chapters. I want to reward everyone's support! So at the midway point we have some interesting developments. Dustin seems to have pretty strong feelings for Billy, but Billy slammed the door in his face at one of the worst possible moments. Dustin is desperate to find the love he doesn't receive at home. Where will he seek it now that Billy's shut him down? Billy's been having some trouble keeping his emotions in check, especially his anger. He's much more sarcastic and grumpy in this part of the story. Will he manage his temper or will it break him? Will he be able to find a way to listen to his parents before it's too late? And Brett's been out of town for most of the Broken Boy but he'll be back in a major way next chapter. But even in his absence his presence has been felt throughout the story. What is he planning for Billy upon his return? Will he be able to be mature enough to deal with Billy's emotional baggage, or will he let his own issues get in the way of love? And what in the world are people thinking about Brett engaging in some sort of illicit activity regarding Amanda and her boyfriend? I simply don't know what you're all talking about. Hey, what's that over there? (Jeff throws a ninja gas bomb onto the floor and runs away in the confusion.) One thing's for sure, it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I promise it will get better. But as the title says, one of these boys will be broken by the end.

Thanks Rob! Other people often see us better than we can see ourselves, especially in our formative years. We don't see the potential, the beauty, the heritage that we possess within ourselves. Sometimes we only see the negative, the things about ourselves that no one else sees, and we need those voices in our lives telling us there is more to us than the negative thoughts and feelings, that we're worth loving. Billy is going through that process. He feels ugly, even though he's quite handsome. He feels awkward, even though he is quite charming. He even feels stupid even though he is quite intelligent. If he is willing to listen to the ones who see the good in him, there's no telling what great things he could do. But if he chooses the dark path, he could do a lot of damage to himself and others. A war indeed.

Thanks Arran! I'm overwhelmed by the wonderful response to the story, and to this chapter! I'm very glad that people are enjoying what I'm writing. George is a good guy. Remember that when things look bleak.

Billy is listening, he's just too stubborn and teenaged to admit it. Behind the "tough guy" mask he likes to wear there really is the sweet kid that others know is there. As for Brett, I simply don't know what you're talking about! Brett - drugs? Preposterous! Hey, look over there! (Jeff quietly escapes while you look away.)

The Friendly Tavern is still there! Not sure about the fate of the Rib Shack. SWPA is a great story setting. So many nooks and crannies and interesting hidden places, and the culture is about 30 years behind the times even today. Most of Billy's self-loathing and fear is generated from growing up in such an environment.

Hee hee! "hard on." Sorry, had a Brett moment there. I don't think people are being too hard on him. He is a dick sometimes, but he means well. They are growing up, but it's a painful process. Almost like a war... Hey wait a minute!

Billy's chip is boulder sized! He'll grow up eventually. I know it can be frustrating to watch him do such childish things, but it'll be worth it and help him to grow into a man.

I like to say Billy lives in a glass closet.

It was the Saturday before Easter. Things were going great during my vacation from school. Just not having to go to that hellhole was enough to make me happy. I’d been taking good care of Brett’s animals. On Good Friday, I’d spent the afternoon in Brett’s abandoned house carefully looking at some of his stuff. Nothing major. It wasn’t like I was rifling through his drawers or anything. I was just observing the various things that he left around his room. I just wanted to get a real feel

Thanks Lisa! I'd like to say that things will get better for Dustin, but... Is he the Broken Boy? Could be! Or is it Billy? Will his temper be his undoing? Lots to think about! Thanks for your wonderful review and your support!

This chapter was a turning point of sorts for Dustin. Billy can't save him. Billy's just a kid and when he had the chance to defend Dustin he blew it and Dustin got slapped. Dustin just wants someone to love him and save him from his misery. He tried to get it from Billy, and Billy slammed that door in his face. Where will he turn next? Can he ever trust anyone with his heart, or will he have to sink deeper behind the mask?

Billy having trouble acknowledging his sexuality is his standard operating procedure!

We'll see. He's certainly intrigued.

He's definitely a nasty individual. Can you imagine the abusive language Dustin must hear on a daily basis when there aren't witnesses in the house?