Graeme

Happy Birthday, Mark! :music: Enjoy your day and have a wonderful year ahead. :music:

After numerous incidents (witnessed and involved in) where electronic communication has been misinterpreted, I try to be very careful about what I post. It's also why I prefer posting/PM/email for electronic communication, rather than real time like chat or IM, unless it's with a close friend. It takes practise to be able to write something, look to see how it could be misinterpreted, and then work out how to change it to minimise that risk. Smilies help, but they're not reliable. It's better if the original wording is done to minimise the risk in the first place. One constant problem in a place like GA is that we have a global community. A key area of misinterpretation and misunderstanding is cultural. As a simple example, in an email many years ago I used the word "queer" as a synonym for "gay". The person I sent that email to questioned it. It turned out that in the place they live, "gay" is fine, but "queer" is an insult - the words were not synonymous for them. And that's without even touching on language issues.... With face-to-face communication, we have a lot of non-verbal clues to help interpret the words. Tone of voice, body posture, and facial clues all help work out what was meant. I've seen reports that we take in something like 60% of our understanding in a conversation from non-verbal components - all of which are missing in electronic form. You can test this yourself. Turn the TV to a movie or drama, turn the sound off, and see how much you can understand. You'll be surprised at just how much you can pick up of what's going on, even with no dialogue. And that's without the ability to pick up on tone of voice clues! This also explains why people with Asperger's can have trouble communicating in real-life society. People with Asperger's (and other Autism Spectrum Disorders) are often deficient in picking up non-verbal information. They hear the words, but don't pick up on the full context required to interpret those words correctly. It takes training for them to consciously watch for and interpret those clues. So... with electronic communication, we lose something like 60% of our communication capacity, and, like those with Asperger's and non-verbal clues, it takes time and practise to compensate for that missing capacity and hence to communicate clearly.

Just being picky, but you didn't indicate what type of relationship a person is in. For example, I self-identify as gay, but I'm in a heterosexual relationship. The poll only allowed me to select "Gay" and "Yes" with no refinement as to what the "Yes" means....

Bill Gates offers $1million to reinvent the condom Any takers? Who thinks they can come up with a better condom?

Let's see... how do I put this diplomatically... NO The reasons for this are: I'm sitting at a desk in front of a computer. Stepping forward would not only be foolhardy, but potentially dangerous, as I'd quickly run into a very solid object I'm incapable of making proclamations proudly as I'm too shy and reserved to do so Forthrightly is not part of my vocabulary "Cliffhanger-free" is not in my dictionary. Can you supply a detailed definition?

The new part appears to be that they think that the 'vacuum' of space isn't quite the vacuum it's usually assumed to be. Not sure what the impact would be, though, as all the theories that assume that the speed of light in a vacuum is a constant still stand. The major impact would probably be on astronomy, with estimates on age/distance based red-shifts may need some adjustment.

My only real complaint about AVG is that on older computers it's memory hungry. I had to ditch it simply because it was taking up too much memory and everything else was running slow. Otherwise, I found it good and effective. I don't allow most software to update without my permission, so I don't end up updating all the time. I'll pick and choose when I update.

I don't have any real words of advice, because I've never been in your situation. But from what you've said, I think your friend needs counselling. It sounds like she's blaming herself for what happened, and you need to get that stopped as soon as possible. From there... support her is all I can say. There's going to be a lot to go through, especially if she takes it to the police (her call on that - I can't say she should do it because from what I've heard, it's not a pleasant experience). Good luck!

I had a really fun game of Talisman with the boys on the weekend. I won, but it was touch and go - I was on one life by the time I got to the Crown of Command to beat up my youngest son. Then it took maybe 30 minutes to wipe out my other son who was playing an Evil Prophetess with a Rune Sword... really painful. I also enjoy playing Rail Baron, but it's difficult to get enough players to make it fun. I find it much more fun than Monopoly, because the games don't go as long. You don't have to wipe out everyone else to win, because the victory condition is reaching a particular monetary target, and then making it back to your home city without anyone jumping you. Back in University days, I used to play Risk, but by mutual agreement we stopped playing. One of the guys I played with was so good that I found that ONLY way I had a chance of winning was to take him out at the start of the game. If he got established, he'd win.... Since I would pick on him as soon as the game started, it stopped being fun for him, and also ruined it for everyone else.

The same as many of the 'older' members, here, the culture when I grew up was not conducive to coming out. There were hints that it was getting better, but not enough for an introverted young man (myself) to do anything about it. The one time when I could have changed things, I ended up not finding the courage to do so (see my autobiographical short story To Open A Door). That occurred when I was 18. It took until I was 40 before I found the courage to tell someone I'm gay. I didn't have any real self-loathing, it was mainly just fear of the consequences. Yes, I had my moments, such as after I'd had a sexual encounter with a much older man on a train (I was 16, he was probably late 20s or early 30s). That encounter I had encouraged, but after it took place, I was disgusted with myself. It took a couple of days before I was able to put it behind myself. But that sort of self-loathing was rare. As for the fear, I had a life outside of being gay. Being gay wasn't the centre of my life, so I didn't see that I needed to push it to the fore to find out what it was like to be openly gay. That, along with my naturally introverted nature, meant that I just let life roll along, always aware of who I was sexually attracted to, but doing nothing about it (apart from the rare anonymous sexual encounter). Then I found someone who was sexually attracted to me, was kind and caring, and whose company I enjoyed. I eventually married her I still consider myself to be gay, even though I'm in a stable heterosexual relationship (I told her I'm gay soon after the birth of our second son - triggering six months of hell before we got through it). Today, though, Melbourne, and Australia in general, is a very different place. Homosexuality has gone mainstream, in that it's discussed openly by leading figures in the community, with many (not all, though) very supportive. Melbourne's Midsumma festival is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year, and its being advertised very publicly. In addition, prominent figures have marched in the parade - this year, a couple of top level football players, and in a past years the Police Commissioner marched. So today is a very different culture from when I grew up. Just like when I grew up, drinking and driving was socially acceptable and the idea of a designated driver was treated with ridicule but now the situation is the reverse, homosexually has gone from socially unacceptable to socially acceptable over the last 20-30 years. That doesn't mean it's all sweetness and light - it's not. There's still discrimination, and there's still abuse. But things are significantly better today than they were thirty years ago when I had to face whether to come out of the closet.

Yeah, but let's consider a hypothetical situation. The UK, as a whole, as a government debt. The rest of the UK says that Scotland's share of that debt is X and the SNP disagree. What happens? Can Scotland become independent without agreement on what their share of the currently national debt will be? If there's no agreement, can they legally become independent without a war?

I'm not sure of the legalities, but is the referendum result binding? The question, as stated, will say what the voters want, but it doesn't imply any sort of timetable or answer any of the implementation questions if the answer is "Yes", such as military bases, membership to the EU, membership of the Commonwealth (I think this one is a given, but you never know...). Sorting out the complex set of ties between Scotland and the rest of the UK is decidedly non-trivial, and is going to be prone to arguments between the parties. A real simple example of what I mean. Great Britain has permanent membership of the UN Security Council with veto rights. What would be the status of a part Great Britain that splits off? Can it claim the same rights? Who decides? All solvable, of course, but the solutions are not necessarily going to be found quickly, nor is everyone likely to accept the final solutions.

Correct. From the article: The article didn't give the postal address, though, so I presume Bill found the address somewhere else.

While it is certainly of interest to a number of members, this is a political topic as succession from the UK will have to be a political process. As such, the moderation team asks that this discussion take place in the blogs, not the forums. This topic can now be discussed at Zombie's Blog

An interesting question, but I think a lot will depend on how much people know of the two universes. My main knowledge has been from TV/movies, not the comics themselves. I'm fixing that, though - I bought the boys a copy of the first 24 issues of the Avengers for Christmas and I'm hoping to buy the equivalent for the Green Lantern this week if it's in the store. I'll just say that those comics are really dated... but then I think the Avengers series started before I was born.

We've had discussions like this in the past, though none in recent years. The first question that comes to mind is "what is your definition of 'gay'?" Taking myself as an example, I'm a married man with two naturally conceived children. I've been married now for over 20 years. About 8 years ago, I told my wife that I'm gay. After a period of stress (during which my wife needed significant psychological counselling), our marriage survived. I still can't think of anyone else I'd want to share my life with. However, if I did have to, it would be with another guy, not another woman. I just don't find other women sexually attractive. Am I gay? I self-identify as gay, despite the fact that I'm in a happy heterosexual relationship. I don't consider myself to be bisexual because I don't find myself sexually attracted to women. My personal interpretation is that gay, straight and bi-sexual are determined by what gender you find yourself sexually attracted to. There can be rare exceptions (I know of one guy who considers himself straight, but had a long term relationship with another guy - the only guy he's ever found himself attracted to), but if you overwhelmingly find yourself attracted to the same gender, you're gay, and if you overwhelmingly find yourself attracted to the opposite gender, you're straight. If you find you can be attracted to either gender, even if there's a significant bias towards one (eg. 80% attracted to men, but also find 20% of your eye candy to be women), then you're bisexual. Please note that this is completely divorced from the actual act of sex. I consider myself gay, but I'm quite capable of "performing" with a woman. Sexual attraction is not a choice - you don't choose who you find attractive. The act of sex, though, is a choice - you can choose who you have a sexual relationship with (leaving aside the topic of rape, something which shouldn't have any part in a discussion on the concept of sexual orientation).

Maybe this is the problem. A relationship involves give-and-take, but if you're viewing it as owing and dependency, that's where things break down. You don't have to be dependent in a relationship, but you do have to depend on the other person doing things as part of the relationship. If they don't, the relationship will break down. Similarly, being in a relationship means owing something to the other person - even if it's only affection. If you can't accept that your partner has done something for you (ie. you see that you now owe them something), then the relationship will be difficult to maintain.

I'm by no means experienced in relationships, but I've got some questions for you: 1. How much do you let the other person in your life please you? I'm not talking sex - I'm talking about doing things that will make YOU happy? That can be as simple as a surprise gift of a box of chocolates.... That leads to subsequent question: 2. How easy is it for the other person to get to know YOU? Do they know what YOU want from the relationship? I'm asking those questions because it sounds like you're doing the reciprocal part - but are you allowing them to do their share of maintaining a relationship, or do you make them feel like they're walking all over you because you bend over backwards to do what they want? There are a number of types of relationships. There are those that are complementary, where each partner brings things to the relationship that the other person lacks. There are those where each is similar and they build off each other. There are clingy relationships, where they seem to have to do things together, and there are balanced relationships where there's a mixture of togetherness and individuality. There are also relationships where one person dominates (or appears to dominate) the other. From what I read, you seem focused on doing what the other person wants - and some people may find that off-putting. It puts pressure on them to make the important decisions, because it's not a shared responsibility. I could have it wrong, but from what you wrote, I get the impression that you're trying too hard, and your partner's may think that you're either "false", or that there's not enough of a two-way street in the relationship. Hopefully this may trigger some thoughts, because only you know all the details of your relationships

Having seen the aftermath of a motorcycle accident (when the rider was probably doing no more than 80 mph, but failed to take a corner), I think 165 mph is dangerous on all bar a handful of roads. The autobarns in Europe don't have a speed limit because the roads are sufficient quality to allow high speed. Many roads are not of that quality, especially non-major roads. All you need to do is to hit a pothole and there's a good chance of another fatality. Y_B, according to Wikipedia, modern motorcycles are limited to 186 mph due to safety concerns. That is, the manufacturers have designed modern bikes to not exceed that limit. 165 mph was probably close to the maximum speed Hayden could achieve, unless the bike has been specially modified for speed.

Can I suggest that people with Asperger's tend to be more honest than the average neurotypical, and as such are more likely to acknowledge their homosexuality to others than would be the norm. That would explain the slight increase you noticed without requiring Asperger's to have any link to sexual orientation. Again, an unjustified generalisation. My boys love their violent games (World for Tanks, Team Fortress 2), but they also enjoy playing one of the best constructive computer games around: Minecraft. My youngest son created a special Minecraft presentation for his class for their end-of-year break up (and he's only 11). He loves both types of games. Playing violent games does not preclude playing constructive games as well.

Rilbur, thanks for your input. It's really appreciated. An aside, my sons have spent a big chunk of their summer holidays so far playing military computer games (mainly World For Tanks, which I understand to be a simulator using WWII tanks). Neither is violent, though - I'd hate for either one to be considered a threat to society simply because of the games they play. However, I need to put my moderator hat back on for a moment: No discussion of politics, please.

Layla, I remember it being repeated several times by people who work with kids on the autism spectrum (including Asperger's): If you know one kid with an autism spectrum disorder, you know one kid with an autism spectrum disorder. It's a spectrum, and there is a wide degree of variation amongst the kids on the spectrum. I remember meeting two kids (at different times), both diagnosed with autism, and one was socially outgoing and interactive, while the other was shy and would hide away from people he didn't know. I personally know of two kids with Asperger's where one has extremely strong and easily discernable traits, while the other I didn't have any idea until their parents told me. I know of a work colleague with a son who has Asperger's who has told me that his son is effectively unemployable - while his anxiety levels are usually kept under control with medication, he can still have major anxiety attacks to the point of needing hospitalisation. I mentioned earlier about special interests. I may be misremembering, but Professor Tony Attwood's son has Asperger's, and his special interest was drugs... because it was after being introduced to drugs that, for the first time, he experienced not being at a high pitch of anxiety all the times. But because of the tendency to want to know everything about their special interest, he experimented with a wide variety of drugs and he's now an addict and unemployable. On the other hand, there are many examples of people with Asperger's going on to become major contributor's in their chosen field of endeavour. One famous one (in Asperger circles) is Dr Temple Grandin, who has written several books on the subject of Asperger's as well as making major contributions in animal welfare. A list from Wikipedia of "famous" people with ASD diagnoses. This other list contains some very, very well known names, but I should warn that many of these have not been officially diagnosed (and since some, like Sir Isaac Newton, Mark Twain and Thomas Jefferson, are long dead, will never be diagnosed). I suspect some of these are wishful thinking on the part of autism activists, but it shows you how common the symptoms of ASD can be. So there's a wide spread in both aptitudes and professions. Layla, I wish your son all the best. It sounds like he's someone who's learn to overcome challenges

My apologies, but it took me a little while to work out how to fix your statement

The same as anyone else who is exposed to an abnormal environment. It would have the same impact as someone without Asperger's. A more interesting question. Aspies tend to have "special interests". According to Professor Tony Attwood (world recognised expert in Asperger's), an Aspie will often try to learn everything they can about their "special interest". In one case (an extreme one), the special interest for the person with Aspergers was pornography, and they felt compelled to gather examples of all types of pornography, including child pornography.... However, making the jump from video games to real life is a big one. The "typical" Aspie response would be gather and experience all the different types of video games available - not extrapolate that experience to real-world situations. Extrapolation outside of their "normal" view of the world can be difficult for someone with Asperger's. That extrapolation is more typical of someone who doesn't have an autism spectrum disorder. So the answer to your question is that if someone with Asperger's has a special interest, even an unhealthy one (eg. the pornography example mentioned earlier), they will stick with that special interest. Did the killer have a "guns" special interest? Probably not - if they had they would have been much more likely to have been collecting guns, and would be have become known as a "guns nut" with all their knowledge. On the subject of special interests, Aspies are also known to bore people to tears with discussions on their "special interest". Another example from Professor Tony Attwood was when he was warned not to talk about punk rock with a particular patient. He asked if they became violent when the subject was discussed. He was told, no, he would just bore them to tears talking about it, so they told everyone to avoid the subject... Depends on the social contact. Remember, social interaction is often an area of difficulty for someone with Asperger's - pushing them into a social environment can actually be detrimental, as they could become overwhelmed. One Aspie I know is good with small numbers of people, but will avoid crowds as much as possible because he finds them scary. Overall, Aspies tend to be quite ethical and moral. Because of the way they think, they often become sticklers for the rules - breaking a minor rule like crossing against the lights is on a par with stealing "A rule's a rule!" is a very Aspie view of the world. Pretty normal... but there's quite a range in "normal". The limited set of parameters you've selected is by no means comprehensive. I think you'd need at least 100 different parameters, covering such items as number of contacts for different ages groups, genders, ethnic groups, etc, as well as availability/time spend on things like TV, computers, reading, visiting museums, etc. As an aside, one of my sons is involved in a longitudinal study of Australians, starting from when he was five. Every two years we get a survey to be completed, covering different aspects of what he does. It's quite interesting the sorts of questions they ask

The following article from today's Washington Post is extremely relevant to this discussion: Confusing Asperger's with mental illness, and mental illness with evil One quote from the article: Combined with the comments above, is that enough to settle once and for all that Asperger's is not the cause, or even a contributing cause, for what happened? It could be said is that Asperger's may have helped the killer be more efficient with what he did, but it had nothing to do with WHY he did it. If you want to look for other causes, that's fine, but Asperger's has nothing to do with it!!!