JayBear

Wow. This story has an incredibly unlikable protagonist. You did a bang-up job of fore-shadowing all the things he has to learn to correct, to learn the hard way. I'll give him a couple more chapters but I don't think I will be able to stand him for 80.

Good baseball writing.

An excellent first chapter. Great writing.

This has been a very enjoyable story this far. Do you have any interest in finishing it?

I am confused. In the United States, Thanksgiving is a national holiday that falls on the fourth Thursday in November. Since the. 1940's, the holiday itself is always on Thursday, even if family gatherings are a different day. All non-essential businesses are closed. Schools do not have classes. Even sports practices are postponed until Friday.

Interesting and unique plot. Very well written with well-developed and believable characters. This story really shines. Well-edited with very few, if any, grammatical errors. A pleasure to read.

I am enjoying the story quite a bit. I, as the previous commentor did, have noticed some sound-alike words that are not correct. This is a very common occurrence on this site. I think there must be an automatic editor going around changing words to what it thinks they should be. For example, this chapter, 7th paragraph: Semi-circle should be semi-circular Them should be him Volt should be vault Calf pants should be mid-calf pants. I will try to butt-out of your writting unless you want me to make corrections. 30 years of reading Junior and Senior reports has made me catching nonstandard usage at a glance. Again, your story line is excellent so far.

And then what happened?

This really sucks. If you want to keep readers then avoid crap like this. Assh***.

Well, this is several different kettles of fish. Nicely plotted.

Nice story Well written. Very disappointing ending. You put your readers through a lot to end up without an ending. You are the author. Pick ONE. What did you as a writer mean to express?

I.a?

I found this to be a very disappointing chapter. The plot device of leaving an open computer spying program on the sheriff's computer does not fit with the professionalism of either the attorney or the sheriff, especially with the sheriff deciding to become completely above board for the election. Even if that part is accepted as a necessary writing convention, an experienced attorney would not allow his new aide to view a police interview. I'm not sure that I want to finish reading this story.

Great sex scene.

A very well-written and polished story. It is nice to see a story where the main characters are a group of men rather than teenagers. This is a long story with many characters that requires concentration to read. It is worth the effort. I suggest that you either make notes of the members of the order from the prologue or print out the very first part of the appendix with the entries on the 10 major characters ('Bodies' and 'Mentalists') Don't spoil the plot by reading the whole appendix first. The author has worked hard to produce an interesting and detailed story. It is worth reading even if it takes a month or two for you to finish. Most chapters have subsection headings so you don't have to read an entire chapter at each sitting. I finished the story today and am beginning my second read.

A very interesting and novel plot. Well worth giving this story a try. Secondary characters absorbing, fun, and believable.

Very nice retelling of the Zenda story with additional details that greatly enrich your own story.

I was getting a little bored with the last few chapters of the Camp Refuge arc. All pairings ended up monogamous. This last chapter hit reality of my own experiences. Pete and Russell have a relationship that I found to be quite common when I moved to the city. Among 35% or more of the couples I know, some sort of open relationship exists. These range from okay-don't-tell-me to let's-have-a-foursome with a lot of different variations. I was happy to see the Pete-Russell relationship.