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Everything posted by Mattyboy
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Finn's dog is named for the mascot of a school he declined an offer from and didn't go to. (also yes, I was kind of on the same arc, CK)
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This. This is it.
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So, I have more questions about why is it a sad ending? You've set this up as realistic that "the narrative ends at its most logical point." But you're the storyteller; you've crafted the whole thing, you've imagined the characters and their situation and the events that occur. (I know there's a few stories around here that started as a character study - or a prompt that sprouted unexpectedly - without a narrative endpoint in mind, but mostly authors have a plan). So are you telling a story about people managing to figure it out and find a happy ending (or good-relations-with in some way) ? Or about a world that's too difficult to survive in, or people who have tragic flaws and don't do the right things and suffer for it? Both of those are excellent story-telling modes, and the choice between them rests with the author. So I think it's maybe an evasion to say we need to be realistic and have sadness. If the logical end is tragic, it is so because you wrote a tragedy. I certainly like stories about people figuring out (with varying degrees of difficulty) how to flourish and be in good-relations-with the world and the people around them. Some people like stories with lots of conflict, even as far as genres like splatterpunk. So I voted for happy endings above, but I certainly don't want the story you're writing to be trimmed to fit that preference. Hash out with your beta reader what the point of the whole thing is, and be true to yourself and your ideas . . . which maybe might have evolved beyond what you originally imagined.
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wow, those conditions! This is a really nicely constructed story; I'm impressed how you kept the focus on the characters, but the background of the time colors this very intensely
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These characters are so human, and sort of rational with their emotions (which is hard). Some writers find a lot of story energy after establishing a character by asking, "what's the worst thing that could happen to this guy?" and making it happen. And then you get the popular guy-gets-into-trouble-and-then-gets-out-of-it story arc. But you can get sick of rollercoasters after a while. (I can get sick while I'm on them, even). This business of of a story arc where people do good/smart/nice things and then good and nice things happen is actually a bit unusual around here. Very fresh and very poignant. Thank you for this one @Connectwriter
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okay, so Kenji organizing and paying for nice. Could go either way, but that's a bit worrying that Kenji's early questions are about where Ai and River's guards are, as if maybe they're definitely needed, in what appears to be a nice neighborhood.
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I liked this chapter a lot, but 3 & 4 are my favorites so far.
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It's heart-warming that someone helped Sev in parallel to the way he helped Hans. Poignant that Sev started with "terrorize" for Lukas' relationship with Christoph, but then walked it back to "takes care of," as if it makes any sense that those are irregular conjugations of the same verb. Of course, Sev is on to something, and goes on to discuss how that works. On the topic of the time of the War, and on this site, and everywhere in literature, I think there's more stories about violence and abuse than stories about people figuring out how to live together and take care of each other. So much so that it's easy for us to find words like "terrorize" to describe "makes sure he heals well." Maybe there's a single english word but I can't think of it - for the opposite of trauma - that Lukas was determined to hunt Severin down for what he did in the Third Reich, so he could thank him, and acknowledge the good he'd done. And put some energy to the system. (I guess a starting a virtuous circle or cycle is kinda the idea for the opposite of trauma, but it's more complicated than the single word).
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“I’m beginning to realize that he always plays down how much he does.” “Maybe he’s not the only one who does that,” Severin replied, quietly. What a great description of genuine love. Fingers crossed hoping for Lukas and Christoph, but sure looks like all the ingredients are there.
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Yay for Lukas and Christoph! The first days of IKEA were such an absolute milestone of everyday-lives cultural history.
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I'm going back to count how many chapters ended in an ambulance and started with sedation wearing off in a hospital
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Al answered the question What Else Is There? with a very steady beat of dramatic cliffhanger endings. And I guess one recipe-centred episode. But if you are looking for something to read @Andr0gene, Al's story is a good one.
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Didn't expect to see that Al Norris saying that, but yes, Al, yes, we do.
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Yay for Lukas! Severin didn't really say very much about the "gay" topic, but actually very open and honest considering the time and circumstances. This whole story flows beautifully but especially these lines . . . "Luka said he thought that he had found you, but I didn’t’ know, I wasn’t sure, I….” “I’m glad he pushed it, Hans. He spent half the day in my lobby and I didn’t know he was there." . . . the blend of hope and uncertainty and knowing possibilities can pass away quietly and forever; and then the rush of realizing it's actually there. Hans and Sev have been in suspense for a generation, but Hans has had months to think about this and Sev has had an hour.
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Ooh, I wonder if Severin has a son named Hans !
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Wow, I didn't see this story angle coming at all! What a wonderful twist! Education wise, the practice of figuring stuff out in archives is extremely "productive" as far as learning how thing work, and worked in the past. But Hansl's "let it stay buried" attitude is also very understandable.
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Yay, we're back! he he I guess Maggie just got off the phone with Mike's Mom when she intervened in the napping/wrestling moment. Yeah, how much Maggie knows/suspects about Liam's sexuality is pretty up in the air. Fairly early she seemed to have a opinion about which John was the nicer option for befriending Mike. I don't know that the photo needs to be "hinky" exactly, Maggie and Mike's Mom were closer in the past than they've been for a while, they had kids about the same time and Maggie took a photo of the pair.
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Kinda poignant that Alec has two friends there, but Henry is alone. Good for River staying with him.
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River "well, self- doesn't have to be part of it, but yes, there's a requirement. Didn't they give you that little notice when you flew in? There's a grace period for people who've been out-of-state, but we have some catching up to do if we want to meet quota so we can get in to the State Fair this year"
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Also River now has Kenji wearing a red vinyl key-bracelet that doesn't otherwise go with his fashion format at all.
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Where are we right now in IHTT, chapter# wise? (edit: IHTT 21 and 22) This was a great one in both series. I remember in IHTT Alec just noticed the collar briefly, but it caused quite a stir in the comments-section. Fascinating symbolism on the collar- some people go for ones that can't be removed without metal-working tools. But this ones soft and nice, and Kenji has the key to the little lock, but River could also just cut the cloth with scissors if he wanted, but he wants it on and the lock secured and Kenji holding. Which seems to be exactly what River wants and needs out of this relationship. Very finely crafted, @Demiurge
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Hope all goes as well as it can, Phil. This story and your characters intrigued me from the start. I'm also intrigued that you want to lighten things up, but I think I can see why you do, you have some heavyweight stuff to balance, and getting it just right is a fine thing. Polishing is always good, but you've already crafted a beautiful gem of a story
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That's sweet that River made Kenji a key-bracelet out of his (red leather?) kink outfit. Also, excellent little writing thing that River's own show collar earlier was uncomfortable (but you get what you pay for) but Kenji's soft one is nicer (probably also you-get-what-you-pay-for)
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That's a good turn! I was wondering about Marian's . . . um . . . "metabolic status" but turns up in the daytime and has an age-appropriate look seems relieving.
