Procyon

Once a day, but today I showered another two times because I was sweating like a pig (it's *hot* outside!!) and sometimes I skip a day (esp. on weekends when I'm not going to see anyone) because I really didn't get sweaty at all. Somehow I don't get sweaty as easily if I'm not going to see people, haha. In the winter I take an extra bath sometimes because it's cold. Actually, quite often. I love my bathtub.....

I completely agree. Thanks for the post, Kevin, this was getting so tiresome...

Of course a few no-nos don't ruin a story -- they can even make it better in some cases. And the package deal means everything! That's why one can look past the smaller mistakes if it's a good story in general. That reminds me, I have to take a look at your stories. He was trying to convince you earlier that he's not dark and brooding... I suggest you go back and read your own posts if you don't remember what you wrote in them. Well I'm glad to see that you've finally caught on! This is exactly what I meant: if you think there is room for improvement, drop the author a note -- in the form of a review, for example. It's nice that you agree.

Who said that anyone should stop writing? Of course one should always go on writing. But for the other things: it bothers me a lot more if a story has purple prose, completely unrealistic characters (such as Mary Sues/Gary Stus), or just a bad plot than if it has some grammar or spelling mistakes. Grammar and spelling are superficial and as you say, any editor can help correct it. Of course one should preferably get an editor before one posts, but I can look past that kind of mistake and enjoy a good story anyway -- just look at DomLuka, his stories have both grammar and spelling mistakes in some places (probably parts that didn't get edited) -- but they're great. And that is because his writing has other qualities that are essential for a good story. Rules are always there to help, not to hinder. Many people cook without recipes, but if you've never cooked in your life, a recipe is going to be helpful, even though cooking is an art, too. Even if you're used to cooking you may need a recipe for something you've never cooked before. In the same way, rules for writing are often helpful when you're learning to write. Of course one can't follow every single rule that someone cares to post on the internet -- one has to make up one's mind as to what rules to use, and it's good to discuss with other people what rules are good and what ones aren't. It's the same with cooking, in some countries you have one set of rules for that, in other countries the rules are completely different. That doesn't mean that one set of rules is wrong. And I think I should define what a constructively critical review is -- it's not someone saying 'I don't like this story. It sucks.' That kind of review is completely useless. But that isn't what we're talking about here. Here, we're talking about when someone points out things that she or he thinks the author could do better, or things that he or she considers don't work in that story. Possibly things such as purple prose or Mary Sues. And though it may feel disheartening, getting a review like that may also help the author to improve her or his writing.

If we shouldn't tell young writers what to do and what not to do, why should we tell them how to use grammar? Sure, some of it is necessary (?) in order to be understood, but conjugating verbs, for example, isn't -- in Swedish we don't, so if anyone should feel like writing 'he do' or 'she say' that should be perfectly fine. I have to say though, it'd be unlikely that I'd go on reading a text with eccentricities like that after a few paragraphs -- unless it were very well done and the author was completely in command of what she or he was doing, I'd just find it too annoying. And it is the same with those other no-nos on Archer's list. Maybe some of them aren't quite as annoying as bad grammar, and some of them I might not agree with, but in most cases these rules, or recommendations, are something worth adhering to, or at least taking into consideration. It's the same with everything we learn, at first we learn the rules (this goes for learning a new language, for instance, or how to swim or how to cook -- anything) and we strictly follow the rules, because we're simply not sure enough of what we're doing. Then, when we have very good command of whatever it is, we can deviate from the rules and things can still turn out well. And as much as we may dislike the thought, I think most of us here still aren't good enough writers to begin to disregard rules -- at least not too much, or too many of them. And the whole one-can't-say-what-is-good-or-bad thing -- in the context of this thread, I think that is just an elaborate excuse to dislike critical reviews. Of course it's hard to take criticism, and it can be given in a number of ways -- it's definitely good to hear what people like about your stories, it gives you confidence as a writer, and you know what you should keep doing -- but being told what not to do, in the long run, is necessary too. One doesn't always have to take other people's advice, but if it makes you think about your writing, it's a good thing.

The eastern European countries didn't join until pretty recently any of them, did they? Except for Yugoslavia which, for some reason, was in it all along. (Btw I never understood why Israel was in it -- it's not like that's really Europe, and if they were allowed to join why didn't Lebanon and Syria and those countries take part too?) But these days, of course, places like Azerbaijan and Armenia have joined, so it's not as strange. The political voting, hahaha... it used to be Greece and Cyprus only who did that, like, 10 years ago, but now it's everyone. And yeah, the only ones likely to vote for Britain would be Ireland and possible France and Belgium and the Netherlands. Anyway, I guess it promotes people's geographical awareness. At least people will know what countries are close to each other. Although it also happens that Turkey gets a lot of points from countries like Germany and Sweden because of all the immigrants. Yeah I know there's a lot of countries... but it's still sad that they don't read the points out loud. They should cut down on something else instead, like, make the songs shorter or something. Yeah, I didn't even manage to listen to them. And Russia's song wasn't that great in spite of the Stradivarius, and I've never really liked Plushenko anyway.

Lol I don't think anyone *really* takes it seriously, although in some strange way it is an honour to have won it. I can't really figure out why. But it must be all those 'douze points' that make one feel good about winning. And yeah, well done to Russia! Had they won it before?

Anybody watching? Looks like Russia'll win. I don't remember their song, haha -- but gosh, Evgeni Plushenko is there!! Of course it'd be cooler if Yagudin were there, but still, it's interesting.

Good luck moving! I suppose you're doing it right now. And I do hope you'll find a special friend soon, too.

So -- how was it?? Ooh you must've looked gorgeous! So did you end up wearing that? And where did you go? I hope you had a great time!

Well done!

Haha love it.

lol, hi and welcome!

Well the first three paragraphs, I have to say, are just great! I'll certainly read the rest now -- I was going to wait with commenting on your blog until I'd read it but now I felt I just had to tell you this. And -- you submitted your summer anthology entry...? x___x I 've still got at least 1000 words to write on mine... gah. Why is everyone so ahead of time!! Anyway, looking forward to reading it though. And good luck with Ryan tonight! What are you weeaaring??

I think the whole dildo-waving business is based on how straights view gays. When women have a women's event, do they wave dildos? When Kurds have a national holiday, for their own enjoyment, in a foreign country, just for their own sake -- do they wave dildos? No. Gay people do it because a ) that is what straight people think it's all about, and it has seeped into gay culture that that is what it's all about too b ) they want to provoke straight people (justifiably by all means, but at the same time it's counterproductive) c ) some gays actually enjoy it, the way high school kids enjoy sex jokes and such -- and then these five or ten (immature?) percent of the gay community get to represent the whole community, since that is what'll be covered in media. This is a bit like letting islamist extremists define what muslims are, or letting the catholic church be defined by its cardinals. This happens because we can't control it, but I, as a catholic, wouldn't want my church to be defined by those people. Likewise, if I were gay, I wouldn't want dildo-wavers to define me, no matter how much they would enjoy themselves in the process. As you say, Kevin, it's for gay people, not straights -- and if more than half of the gay community doesn't want to take part, or feels embarrassed about it, I don't think it's a great event for gay people. Then it's not gay-focussed anymore, it's dildo-focussed. And, come to think of it, if there were straight parades where the focus was people waving dildos, I'd feel it was an outrage. I wouldn't want straight people to be defined that way.

1) Congrats on joining your church! It's so great to hear about gay-friendly congregations too for a change... 2) I hope Luke is feeling better -- and great that you're there for him. 3) The Oxford coma?? Hmm that sounds rather... comatose. Or is there an Oxford coma that has been concealed from me in some sort of elaborate cover-up? (Where people go to Oxford and... faint? Or something?) Anyway I'm with you in your fight for the Oxford, um, yeah. We can still name it the Friendly Com(m)a though, that sounds so good and friendly.

Great topic! I voted 'other' for a number of reasons which I'll get to in a sec. Firstly, though, I'll say that I like the idea of gay pride parades and I think it's good that they're happening, and in spite of everything, I think they've helped the 'cause' more than they've hindered it. I haven't been to a Mardi Gras parade but if they have about the same level of sexual content as Pride parades, there is still one problem -- Mardi Gras parades don't define straight people to, say, gays, or to anyone, while Gay Pride parades are the only thing some people see of the gay community. And thus people who don't know any gays may (will?) get a skewed picture of them -- and that applies to both straight and some closeted gay people. I think it'd be great with some other gay public events too, where you *could* take your kids and be sure that there'd be no loose breasts and dildos waved in front of their faces. I don't mind naked people, but those two, to me, are just a bit too much for a family event, and I think it'd be nice with something that could be a family event -- I know some pride parades are already much more like that, especially the smaller ones. But now that it's getting more common with gay parents/gay families, I think it's important to have events that show that side of the gay community, and where gay parents can take their kids to have a good time with other gay families. (I have to add here that my experience of gay pride parades is limited to what I've seen on TV, but every time I've seen something about them on TV, there have been dildos and breasts dangling in front of the camera. That might have had more to do with the (straight?) people who cover the event, of course, but I do get the impression that it's a common occurrence.)

Exactly what I've been thinking since I first started carrying keys, a wallet, and a phone. I've always maintained that a purse would be extremely practical for many, if not most, guys and I have no doubt that I in particular would benefit immensely from one. It would also be fun to coordinate it with my shoes and belt! I would never be without hand lotion, lip balm, tissue, pen and paper, a mirror, a comb/brush, and in all likelihood a small tube of concealer (and probably lube and condoms as well ). Nevertheless, even I am not immune to society and it's gender expectations, and since I don't identify as transsexual or have any desire to cross dress, I unfortunately don't think I'd feel comfortable carrying a purse. I can only pray that eventually society decides that men should have them too. Be happy that you're not expected to have a purse!! Especially at my age, and with a 'proper' job, women are expected to always use a purse, and I hate purses, they're black holes in which all your possessions disappear, and they certainly don't help you keep track of your keys. And no, mobile and key compartments don't help. It took me ages until I didn't keep losing my keys, but I mainly used to lose them at home, so that wasn't as bad. But pretty stressful when you needed to catch a train or something and couldn't find them... Anyway, as someone said in a comment, only geniuses lose their keys. And other things too, I'm sure. Yes.

As far as I know Jodie Foster's relationship with her girlfriend (wife?) is official. I'm pretty sure they live together, didn't check though.

Is it possible that you all missed Jodie Foster? Maybe I just didn't see her on the lists. And Colm T

I don't care who wins, I just want them reading all the points out loud again like they used to -- ever since they changed it so they're only reading the points from 8 and up it's become so boring... I want to hear those "Royaume Uni -- un point" and "Pays Bas -- trois points". That's what was fun about it.

I agree completely, smoking is both dangerous to others and disgusting (you have to wash your hair as soon as you've been with someone who smokes for one thing, and your clothes too, of course, i can only imagine what my lungs look like after something like that) and in no way comparable to other legal drugs like alcohol and caffeine. So yeah, of course parents should *never* smoke in the same room as their children. But demanding that they give it up completely -- well, it'd be ideal if nobody smoked at all, of course, but if it were that easy everyone would give it up, I think. After all it makes you stink and gives you premature wrinkles as well as lung cancer and other not too pleasant health problems. And they still have to tell their children it's a bad thing to smoke.

I'm going to use smokers as an example here, and I just want to say before I begin that I think smoking is a disgusting habit that is hazardous to everyone around you, and I think it'd be best if it weren't allowed at all -- but that's not how it is, and I know people who smoke, who are nice people, who seem to have a brain even though they smoke, and who aren't going to quit any time soon. I think you underestimate children. If you tell a child something and genuinely mean it, the child will understand it. Okay that may not apply to toddlers, but I don't think toddlers will take up habits when they grow up just because they saw it being done when they were toddlers. And if you tell a child your sincere view on something, they'll listen -- if we use smoking as an example, however, I've seen loads of parents who half-heartedly tell their kids that smoking is bad, and in those cases it obviously won't have the desired effect. Primarily, I think, because the parent didn't actually desire it. Wow... then what are parents who can't quit to do? Tell their kids that smoking is good for them, or else they're hypocrites? Some people really can't quit, or maybe they simply don't have the time and energy -- we non-smokers might think you just need to make up your mind and quit, but there's a reason that people do smoke, and that's because they can't quit. And as for other vices -- one can't just stop living because one is a parent. If you're insincere in what you're saying that's another message. If you've given up on trying to quit you can still get the message across if you're being honest and are saying what you really believe. I had a friend whose face was *really* wrinkled at age 50 already because she smoked, and she used to tell people to look at what had become of her and avoid smoking at all costs -- and she also had trouble with her lungs, which she kept pointing out to her children as well. She couldn't stop smoking, but none of her kids (who are now in their late teens and early twenties) are smokers. When I have two bottles a day I make sure to point out to my son that one bottle should be the absolute limit! Dunno if he really gets the message though when he sees me dancing on the table... Again, it's all about attitude. In that respect I agree that it's what you do and not what you say that affects your children. How do you handle drinking and smoking? What about things like speeding? A ten-year-old does understand that you can drive a bit too fast on a virtually empty country road, but not in a street full of playing kids. They understand that there are different contexts that demand different types of behaviour, and if we don't teach them that we're not doing them a favour. Lol, don't worry about it! Be honest and treat them like thinking beings, because that's what they are -- don't underestimate them. I'm not a great parent in general, but that is something that I think I've done reasonably well, I never shrank from deep or complicated discussions with my son -- if you're prepared to explain things to kids, they usually get it. It has worked with students as well (I used to be a teacher) -- you talk to them like you'd talk to any adult, but explain the things they don't get. And above all, show clearly what you find wrong and upsetting. Anyway I'm sure you'd do that automatically anyway, without my telling you how. You'll be a great parent!

I've been in similar situations a good few times, and it makes you feel just as inadequate every time. I have learned, though, in later years, that I just *can't* be there for everyone, and that I'm not even able to help everyone I'd like to help. One example was a girl I knew in Northern Ireland who got pregnant just after I had my son -- he was about one at the time, and I was also on my own with him like she was -- and I found out her parents had arranged for her to give up her child for adoption. I assumed without thinking twice that she didn't actually want this and was feeling horrible about it, and told her I and our other friends would help her out if she wanted to keep the baby (and I'm sure we all would have), but in the end she decided to give up the babies (by that time she'd found out that she was having twins) and that was what happened once they were born. I felt bad about it for a good while because the way I saw it, her parents, who weren't poor or anything, had chosen the easy way out and made her sacrifice her kids against her will so they'd be able to keep up appearances (she was living away from home while she was pregnant). And I mean, I'm sure everyone's read at least *one* story or seen a film where a girl is forced to give up her baby by cruel parents or similar. But after a while I realised that this girl really *was* very immature, and she was very keen on going out partying, and she didn't seem sad about giving up her babies at all. So it might have been a good thing for her after all to do that. On the other hand... What's the cause and effect here? Did she act the way she was expected to act (i.e. immaturely) as a reaction to her parents' decision? If she'd kept the babies she might have grown by having to take care of them. And your grief and sadness often don't show on the outside, so she might have taken it really hard too. Who knows. So yes, I do still think about her sometimes and wonder if I should have done more to help her. But you can't help everyone, you can only try, and sometimes you can't even do that. But sometimes it's closer to home and hence more painful than at other times. Anyway, what I'm trying to say with all this blabbering is, don't feel bad! Some people aren't within reach for you to help even though you'd like to. And also, you probably have helped him, though not as much as you'd have liked.

I know the feeling exactly... At least you've done your ironing for now though! But try to get out of doing the things you find most stressful though, it's not worth it to get totally exhausted, you should enjoy your summer a little bit at least. And remember: Early to rise and early to bed/makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead. So don't get up too early!! Seriously though, take care of yourself, and I hope you still have a great summer.