Procyon

Texting is great when you're abroad and don't have access to a computer -- phoning people is really expensive then, but texting someone won't cost you much, and you can tell your parents and such that you're safe that way. And even communicate a little bit. Texting can be really fun, actually, with some people, notably one of my exes who always sent me the most hilarious texts... Sadly he wasn't as fun to be with in bed, for instance, which is why he's an ex and not a ...non-ex.

But a harem sounds great, especially for a gay guy -- imagine all the other cute harem members you'd be with... and the setting! Turkish baths, velvet, water pipes... belly dancing... you made a major mistake there, I think. ...and you have to try it out a lot just to make sure? Lol yeah, that's not unlikely.

I like having the TV on when I'm scared at night, too. Funny how that helps...

Yeah, that's the best reason not to do this kind of thing -- the only possible exception I can see would be that you become friends with someone and get to know them really well, and then both realise they love each other and that the other's first relationship wasn't the real thing. But in a case like that, the friendship would have to begin with no romantic intentions from either party.

For me it's the opposite way around -- if you text someone, you know it's going to be short, so nobody would think you're rude because you don't say a lot, but if you're on the phone and you don't want to talk for ages, you seem really rude if you want to hang up straight away. And with some people it's almost impossible to have a short convo on the phone...

Maybe you need a kid to practise before you have a dog... You can still travel though, even if you have kids, a partner is a much greater obstacle for that kind of thing than a kid. Then you have to make sure both of you have jobs in the new place, you have to agree on a place in the first place, and yeah. A kid just comes with you and accepts it, unless you make a big deal out of asking the kid first or something. Okay when they're in their teens it may be different, but even then you can still reason with them.

Omg I *love* your china...! Can I come over and have tea with you? What make is it? I should know but I don't... I have two Mason's teacups that my gran always used, but other than that I don't have any British china. Anyway, you two look good, too.

This is all so true. I've friends who make themselves into victims to varying degrees -- some on a personal level, just feeling sorry for themselves, and some belong to a minority group and feel sorry for themselves for that reason, while some desperately try to fit into a minority group, or several, just to they can feel sorry for themselves collectively rather than on their own. I think it makes them feel more important. Anyway, I plead guilty to at least two of the above -- I've certainly resorted to self-pity when it wasn't justified, and I've felt like a victim because of my sex (though not that often I have to say, and I think it was justified in most cases) -- but I think most people have some time done the I'm-to-be-pitied thing because they needed attention. And if it happens once in a while, I think it's okay -- we're only humans, after all, and we may feel down and need someone to pat us on the back even though there's no concrete reason for it -- so we make up a reason. But then some people go too far, they do it too often, too regularly, and some minorities do, too. When there's so much whining that you get sick of it and can't take it seriously anymore, then it's not healthy, not for the person doing it and not for the people around that person. And really it's only the person him- or herself who can do something about it, although as a friend you can probably try to help them... in some way. Of course, when it's gone that far you're usually really sick of the person, so yeah. You're so right about the whole of society feeling sorry for themselves, too, that was really the best part of your blog entry. We shouldn't resort to excuses, we should *do* something... excuses are fine, in moderation, but when they turn into whining and passiveness they're bad for you.

Yeah, I agree that if you can take care of a dog you're capable of taking care of a baby as well -- and just so you know, Vic, I didn't think for a second that you don't take good care of your dog. But we had a dog when I was still living with my parents, and my mother has a dog now which I'm dog-sitting from time to time, so I know what it's like to have a dog, and I know I really don't want a dog of my own, it's so much work. Even though I really liked our dog back then, and the one my mother has now, too. But the fact that I don't like the whole business of taking care of a dog doesn't mean I don't like taking care of a kid -- I have a son and if I'd get the chance to have more children I'd be so happy, even though they're much more time-consuming. It's so amazing and so exciting to have a kid, it totally makes up for any sacrifices you need to make. Then again, I also have friends who know they definitely don't want kids, and I'd never, ever try to convince them to have kids -- many people do pester them about it and they're getting really sick of it, and that's rather sad as well.

Having a dog isn't even remotely like having your own kid -- okay it awakens the protective instincts in you, but if you don't really, really want a dog, definitely don't get one, and do not get one to "see what it's like". And I don't suppose I really need to tell you that baby-sitting someone else's brats, or even cute little kids in some cases, isn't anything at all like having your own either... and it gives you no indication whatsoever what it's like to have a child, because you have a completely different role in that child's life than the parents have, so your interaction will be completely different. Having a child is amazing, scary, sometimes really difficult, and often great, and if you want one, have one. They're not an obstacle, you can still have a life with kids, too.

Oh, that's interesting, I had no idea! I always assumed things were pretty bad when it came to food in WWI as well.

This was a nice story, I really enjoyed reading it. There's just something about WWI, isn't there... One thing though: would they really have been able to order that much food at the caf

I'm so sorry for you. Something similar happened to me with my dad, he was in a stabilised condition after having had surgery and we all drew a breath of relief -- and then he suddenly died in the middle of the night. The worst thing was how I still, at least once a day, had a feeling of relief that he was getting better after the operation, and then remembered that he had died. I'm not cheering you up -- sorry -- but I hope that you'll feel better soon. It does get better even though it takes time.

I agree. And also, jumping into a relationship just because you want to be in a relationship isn't a good idea -- I see it happen all the time; sometimes they end fast, sometimes the relationships are drawn-out and painful, but they have one thing in common: they never work. There has to be something more than wanting a partner, it has to be the right person, too.

Norway was okay, though I think I voted for Estonia... not too sure, harhar. But it sucked that they stopped that gay parade (or whatever it was) that was going on outside...

A bit late, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

What beautiful descriptions you had of making love there -- I can totally understand what you mean. And I know of (at least) two cases where guys had that dilemma, that they found both men and women compelling the way you do -- one of them is living with a man and a woman in Wales, and reportedly all three of them are happy with that solution, and another one is married to a woman but has male lovers, with her consent (and no, I'm not talking about Old Bob ). So yeah, that's an interesting phenomenon where there's even less of a convention when it comes to choosing your life partner(s) than for gay people. One problem is that society today is so extremely monogamy-centred, and that goes for everyone, including every atheist I ever met. There's nothing morally wrong with loving more than one person, so why should there be, legally? But I admit it could easily get complicated... But still, one should keep an open mind. Good luck with all that...

Good on you. I can understand that you're confused though, I see a lot of comments here on GA that are biphobic if you think about it -- though I'm sure 95% of those who make those comments aren't even aware of it, and mean no harm -- and I assume it must be like that among the gay people you know, too. So I hope the people you haven't told yet will take it well and be supportive. Good luck!

Great that you're talking again. It'll get better, don't worry.

Pregnancy is great!! It's giving birth that sucks.

I just emailed them to close my account, telling them why, of course. Depressing. This so pisses me off!

Since you've an 18-year friendship there must still be hope, and you shouldn't give up. I can't tell you what to do, but one thing that certainly can't be wrong is if you try to think of what's made him react the way he did (was it that you said the L-word or maybe other things as well?) and then reassure him -- maybe in an email where he doesn't have to respond -- that you have no demands, no expectations, etc, but only want to have a good time with thim like you used to. Then do what Kevin and a few others mentioned -- see to it that you meet him in relaxed circumstances, and stay in touch and talk about everyday things -- do whatever feels right, or at least doesn't feel wrong. A long friendship like that doesn't just die overnight -- this is something you have to get through somehow and it's obviously going to be hard, but be strong and do it. Good luck!

I agree with very much of this. You can't force forgiveness, but you can help it along, and that's just as important for your own sake as for the sake of the, uh, forgivee? Harhar. It's no use dwelling on things, it'll only make you feel bad. Having said that, it can be horribly hard not to. Hurting someone and getting hurt is often a very complex process where it's not only one party's fault that things happened the way they did, though it may seem like it to each person. Of course, sometimes it can be purely one-sided, but I think that most often it's not, at least if the people involved know each other well. And often the cause can be simple -- maybe stupid -- misunderstandings or misconceptions. If it's a misconception it's important to sort it out, or else it can be hard to move on (="forget"). And I do think it's important to "forget", i.e. let things go back to normal. Of course you don't actually forget things if they're big enough, but I do think you can go back to viewing the person the way you viewed him or her before -- roughly, that is, because things like that change all the time anyway in a relationship (both friends and romantic). But I think that if you want to, you can "forget" in the sense that you trust the person again. The main thing that's needed for that to happen is that you understand why the other person did what they did, on an emotional level if nothing else. Patience and understanding -- haha, I wish I had more of it.

My parents definitely never had THE talk with me, so I found out all the details in sex ed classes at school at age ten, and then in a bit more detail at age 13 or 14 -- they talked to us about *everything* that time. Really, everything. But I think I must have heard about it before we did it at school -- probably in some educational children's programme on TV in the seventies -- because I can't remember that I was shocked by anything except the fact that I'd be bleeding for several days every month; that I found really horrifying. And rightly so.

Hilarious... What a way to come out. Great story!