W_L

I am one of those contrarians, you know that guy who will eat a box of twizzlers despite knowing I hate the lycorish or in this case giving a man I know I despise a few minutes of my life to listen to what he has to say. To be honest, I still hate lycorish, but I learned twizzler is actually eatable. I actually listened to Donald Trump's speech in New Hampshire and I might not like the man, but I can see his appeal and even agree with him, that just got me thinking about the nature of defining myself in political spectrum. Here's some thoughts on politics: I am not far right by any measure, but I do hold positions that are more conservative in nature. I am a believer in a modified Pro-Life position, but I am not an absolutist; there should be exceptions and if abortion is needed for the mother's safety, it is the mother's choice. There's some gray areas too concerning pre-natal screening for diseases and defects that should also be part of exceptions that should be part of the mother and father's choice. I have my own beliefs for things that fall outside those parameters that I can accept as exceptions, but I also understand a portion of the population disagree with me, including more extreme elements that hold an absolute position from my so-called "right" side of the specrum. On this point, I agree with Trump, at least in his current incarnation. On Corporations and big business interests, Corporations are extremely ugly entities in a legal sense. They hold all the rights of a citizen, but do not hold as much liability as one. A pharmaceutical company cannot be brought to jail or government "receivership" for sellng deadly drugs, but if they were treated like citizens they must follow the laws of the land and murder is most definitely a law to keep in mind. I am not proposing socialism, but I am proposing equal obligations for equal rights, which is the hallmark of any good conservative argument. I dislike the current way our laws have been set up and the unlimited spending of Super PACs is a big issue, which I can relate and agree must be stopped. On this level, I can see Trump and even Bernie Sander's apeal over the traditional candidates. However, this position makes me far left of the spectrum, because I am asking for government control as a penalty to breaking common laws in the US. Yet, as a Conservatives, how can we support a strong legal systems of rights and obligations, when we allow an individual, even a corporate individual, to hold equal rights to all citizens without equal obligations. On foreign policy, the Iraq war was a mistake, no one can deny that. However, can the US avoid the middle east or the threat of Islamic terroists? ISIS has to be dealt with and cutting off their source of reveneu as Trump posed is not a bad idea (lacks details, but not a bad thought). Also, all Republican candidates don't hold back on calling this fight a war against Islam's extremism. I remember what happened after the Boston Marathon Bombing and believe me after the city went into lockdown and I had to walk 4 miles back home, the memory of the city in fear will not leave my memory soon. While everyone says that Islam is not the enemy, I would contend that Islamic extremism and its teachings are the enemy and I cannot stand Liberal Political correctness in this area. The religion must be fought as a cult that has spread outside the mainstream religion, just like the FBI went after Christian derivative culs, why must we sugar coat the reality that what we are fighting is a cult based on Islam in the same ways? I am more far right here and I understand everyone wants peace, but to me, there is a finer line between peace and "appeasement", how can the US allows ISIS to recruit within other countries, sell women into sexual slavery, and murder without more than a few missiles and drones? On immigration, I disagree with Trump a lot, but I also cannot deny his point. There is a problem with the illegal immigration in the US, but the clams of job losses is overinflated. Americans don't want to take farming jobs for $12.00/hr, Immigrants are filling a great need in the US for these lower paying jobs. They are also good hardworking people too; there might be criminals among them, but I can't fathom its the majority. There should be a path to citizenship; one that is easier and more open to all peoples, who can contribute to the US. In this area, I seriously disagree with Triump's rhetoric, but I know a good portion of the Conservative base supports him. I guess I am more Center here. On Political Parties, I have carried a lot of water for the Republican Party and its "establishment". In my view, I thought a strong central authority could keep the stability of a disjointed conservative Coalition and maybe allow progressive changes slowly to be accepted by all, but I am realizing with age that this party is dying and its coalition is an ugly mess. The Tea party revealed one half of the problem back in 2010, 2012, and even 2014, the grassroots want their vision of America to live without compromise. However, a "coalition" party is meant to be a compromise for common goals and common ideals. Yet, the more I see of the Republican grassroots, the more I disagree with their vision. I am not alone here as more than half the Republican party are not in favor with the Tea Party either, meaning we are no longer able to form a coalition together. That's a huge problem. With this split along with many others that have formed over the years, the "conservative" coalition is little more than a confederacy of groups that cannot agree and thus cannot govern. American frustration is due to the lack of action, but let's face it, the American people made this happen by breaking apart on visions for a common future. After looking over these positions, I realize, I am not really fitting into a simple spectrum and that's the problem. I think as an extension to the breaking down of the political parties; Americans do not have a common vision for their future or common ideals. It's not "Left" or "Right"; "Good" or "Evil", because everyone has their own views and visions on certain topics that a portion of the population may not agree with.

Thanks for the well wishes on my new job. I am also more and more convinced that there's a serious problem with the GOP. The newest polls show Trump holding on to his lead and even increasing it after his comments. It's just scary. He might lose the candidacy to an establishment candidate based on primaries/delegates at convention, but he has done his damage. The party is broken, where the Tea Party faction polarized, Trump has shattered the fragile coalition. Even if he goes 3rd party as many think he will, a Republican candidate will likely lose due to a secession of 1/5th-1/4th the base. I would probably vote for John Kasich, Governor of Ohio, in the primary due to his moderate temper and his open policy on Gay Marriage, but he will never win in the deep south or west. http://www.wnd.com/2015/08/look-whos-no-1-in-poll-after-gop-debate/

Well beyond meditating on Eastern/Western philosophical and religious issues for "blue Rose", which is still being written as a re-launch for my Causality Universe, I also got some life updates. I've pulled the trigger and I am leaving Corporate America, aka Health care/ Insurance accounting. Horray! I am going to be the accountant of a Non-Profit Education and Disability Services, which I feel like coming back home to a place, I actually care a deep amount about. I have worked in non-profit before, which is why I started out in health care. However, my new job will mean a major cut in my salary from 75K to 60K, but being an accountant for a non-profit has a lot more responsibilities and more meaning. For those oldies at GA or Q and the ladies who have met me in DC a few years back, you guys know I am legally blind and suffer from Congential Glaucoma (Marijuana jokes aside, it is a disease I was born with and suffer without a cure), so I know first hand the struggles a lot of adults and kids have with vision loss or blindness Being gay and blind is extremely complex; it also makes dating a bitch (pardon my language) to deal with as I have to navigate around tables, waiters, and occassionally the small toddler who wandered out of his seat, hoping I don't bump into people or step on the kid. I've been able to maintain a cool composure and almost hide the fact that I cannot see more than 20/300 distance vision or read 20/70 pretty well, but as I get older, my vision is weakening and gay guys are not the most sympathetic or understanding bunch in this particular regard. Maybe the dark tone in my recent thoughts are geared to lovers, who jilted me as they discover my limitations, who knows, but it has given me inspiration to write and ask tough questions about the meaning of love and relationships, how people value each other, and how imperfect an assumed "promise" may be. Outside love and work, I am also thinking about pulling my name from the Republican mailing lists as I have grown so disenchanted at the party's current base (Fuckng 21% supports Donald Trump, for Pete Sake's there's insanity with Ted Cruz and then there's "Reality TV" America, there's a galactic credibility gap). Doesn't mean I lean less to center right, but I just can't imagine such a political coalition can exists in the long run. Better to scrap the entire Republican base and reform a new coalition party.

To forgive a debt is the only solution and absolution to obligations we have discovered right now, but it must be mutually accepted, which mankind has not ben able to achieve in recent history. by the way, forgiveness in love is incredibly difficult to do; the emotional value that is put in makes it more likely that hate would be the result, because resentment builds on all the slights that occur throughout a relationship. A person may claim to forgive, but emotionally, they have not accepted it as absolution, only a tenative compromise. (Just as a person can only afford so much during each variable mortgage rate adjustment, you will eventually reach a point where it is unaffordable. ) That's part of what I am warning about; forgiveness is not a half measure to maintain a status quo (like the current rules in forebearances and deferrals), it is imperfect as a solution to our value system. As a species we stopped short in exploring how we value each other and the world, when we thought we had the answer in forgiveness to balance out the scales of debt and obligation.

Love is ultimately one of the most flawed concepts of debt and false "promises", if it was originally created by divine inspiration as theologians of both western and eastern religions postulate, I would submit that it is a proof of a fallable divine; God can be wrong, because his love is limited by conditions of his rules. However, if the idea is man made, then it is more so a delusion of emotional transactions with results that may be unattainable, a false "promise" as well. A debt in love may be given freely and taken the same, but it has an inherent transactional value of emotions. You want to acquire affections for affections; even if it is one sided, you are giving under an assumption, a dream, or a hope for potential rewards. It's a flawed concept, because the "promise" of reciprosity may never occur at the same level or at all. Love if it equates to a physical debt is like an ARM variable rate mortgage (might be subrprime ), you may assume that you can have your dream home if you put in an "x" amount into it, but there is no certainty that your efforts will return results as a fact that so many people lose their homes each year in the US and around the world. Love without conditions is a fantasy that romance writers fall into; there are always conditions to love as there are in life. Conditions may change to prevent love from flourishing or they may improve or deteriorate to allow it to flourish in new directions. Essentially, I want to question humanity itself and its inherent flawed value system both in terms of physical value and intrinsic value.

There's an intrinsic idea about debt, whether it's traditional debt, held for credit cards, student loans, or mortgages that is easy to determine with formulas and interest rates for value, or intrinsic obligations, beheld by concepts like friendship, family, or love; it is part of all social contracts and human civilization itself. Without debt, we would not have the underlying framework for our daily lives. In the Bible, which most of us tend to ignore for obvious reasons (cough "Levitucs/Romans", idiotic two thousand year old rules that don't really apply in a free democratic society that has no absolute kings, just titular figureheads), there is a few good pieces about the concept of being oblige to help others and being your "brothers' keeper" is probably a good thing in terms of holding a certain intrinsic debt, Another famous saying "And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. And they marvelled at him" (Mark 12:17) has been used by national leaders justifying a separation of church and state, but at its core, the saying ascribed to Jesus is a proof of debt being divine and temporally necessary for all human beings, However, just like everything else in life, human beings can exploit it. While necessary and maybe even stamped by God himself (I'll leave that to theologians to argue), debt is intrinically a promise to be kept. Maybe you can keep it, but what if you cannot? That is the heart of where we are right now in terms of the world at present; there are many people sufferring under debt's negative influences. There are too many promises that cannot be kept, too many dreams that cannot be real. Whether it is Greece, Peurto Rico, or even the guy living down the street with a foreclosure notice at his door; there is a reality that cannot be avoided. We live in a world where debt accumulation has gone too far; where we have placed too much faith in promises that are far too great to be achieved or far too fragile to be maintained. The American dream, the European hope, and the rest are all promises that were never real to begin with; a promise is not an indication of reality, just a possible outcome among an infinite set of potentials, which you lck yourselves into when assuming a debt. I am musing on this as I am writing my story, but also watching the world unfold around me. While debt has lead us to great achievements and progress as human beings; there is a dangerous problem with it. We assume all promises to be kept just as God is assumed to keep prmises to mankind, but what if promises can be broken due to the inability to reach it. I want to question the very nature of Obligations; the nature of Divine promises, and fundamentally how society is built upon tenets of faith that cannot hold itself together unless the "promise" is absolute, which it is not in a world of quantum infinities.

I recently saw this movie and I just can't help, but admire it. (Zombie may make jokes later, but I can't help it, I am sentimental about things like this). I know this is not an LGBT movie or a popular big budget american movie, or even a recent movie, but I think good movies do not need to be defined by age or frame of reference. If Danial Radcliffe lost his Harry Potter Moniker with Kill Your Darlings in the US, I hope he lost the typecasting with his portrayal of Rudyard Kipling's son in My Boy Jack in the UK. It might not be a gay drama, but it has a powerful father-son relationship with duty and honor to one's parent versus reality. It's a human drama cast behind World War I and it shows a rather stark picture of Kipling's beliefs and his own human tragedy with how he encourages his own son to go to battle despite his wife's doubt. Beyond the movie's plot, the historical Kipling has always fascinated me as a writer that I admire and detest at the same time. He's definitely a conservative in ideology, an intellectual who can analyze reality and even criticize traditionalism when it does not serve purpose, and an advocate for causes that he holds passion for. The last point is also his central flaw as a human being in reality and fiction; he is swept up in his passions and ideals, only realizing far too late that he allowed it to overcome his keen intellect. Without going into my political ideology or my "way" of thinking in these terms, I think the truth within Kipling's great passion is also something many leaders and followers of popular ideas should also remember. Being "Righteous" in acts does not mean it is correct action; reality should never be hidden by passion or else tragedy results. I give this British tele-movie a 9 out of 10 and leave you the poem that inspired it:

Just read an interest analysis on the Opinions of Justice Kennedy and Justice Scalia on Gay Marriage, including their mutually differen views on Confucius' words regarding marriage and the nature of the state. Take a look if you are interested in another interesting perspective of Gay Marriage: http://thediplomat.com/2015/07/confucius-on-gay-marriage/ The author of the article has some things right on this; yes Confucius was probably the most tolerant of all the ancient philosopher/religious icons, but he also had an authoritarian concept in his decision to be tolerant. The concept of individual freedom is an alien concept in Confucianism. The basic unit of a society according to Confucius is the family, you must have males engaging in labor to provide for the household, females in the house to manage chores, children, and money, and finally children who are trained either to suceed their fathers, advance through education, or if you're a daughter sold off for the highest prices before 20 years of age. If you are a lesbian, you will be expected to marry into another household perhaps as a cocubine and attempt to serve your husband as best you can, while fighting with the other wives or conspiring with them as their lovers (Anyone want ideas for stories give me a PM, Lesbian/Bisexual women in Chinese polygamous marriages are understood, but never written about.) . If you are a gay man, you must first have a son to inherit the lands and family name, then support him until he is of age despite being unhappy with your wife/wives. Adultery runs rampant, especially in the upper classes of Chinese society. Confucius' philosophy, when you boil it down, is not about happiness, but about law and order, which I have to agree with Justice Kennedy's interpretation. I personally do not like the idea of living in a Confucian society, because despite tolerance, you are forced to live a life that you neither desire or chose. The precedent is antithetical to American Principles, not because it's mystical or supernaturally driven as Justice Scalia implies, but it is an absolute fact of hierarchy. Over time, this structured society can grow complacent and backwards. As for Justice Scalia, the man really is showing his age and his lack of experience in greater exploration of legal and interpretational frameworks outside English Common Law. Confucian principle based on the old Confucian model is no longer absolute of course, but it is still practiced throughout Asia, especially in Chinese ethnic groups, who dominate areas like Singapore, parts of Malaysia, Cambodia, and Vietnam. It's a tragedy really, Conservatives in the US are so focused on protecting what they know rather than the principles on which they live; there are far too many ignorant individuals in positions of power, who know as much of Chinese legal history as a take out menu at their local Cantonese/American fast food joints. On a good note though, if America really is sliding to Confucian legal system, all the old conservatives, who are too stupid to maintain their positions would be purged and sent to be magistrates in farm districts

....This dog has not wagged his tail on this choice of actress. I thought Helen Mirren would have been a better choice for Aunt May.

General Lee was a class act; too bad he died never receiving his pardon from the US government, never getting the acknowledgement that he was forgiven as he forgave. Kind of tragic really, he was one of the most prominent reconcilation advocates after the Civil War, but his own pardon just got lost in the Washington Bureaucracy.

I haven't debated Zombie in a while, but it's usually quite fun While the fact is true about US slowness in equality measures, we can also question why the Church of England had spent more thane 2 centuries after the abolition of slavery in the UK/territories to add a "black" archbishop to its ranks in 2005. On its face, it's not a major issue to laymen Americans, the Church of England actually does possess political power through its seats in the House of Lords. By either design or negligence, minority representation within this branch of British government seems to have lagged far behind your mainstream as well. Some within your own government have criticized this as a matter of "institutional racism" that persists within British society even today. Nowadays, it appears that these problems are starting to be addressed along with gender representation disparity within the Church of England, but like the US, it was a rather recent correction and I would question whether all traces of the root cause for it have been removed.

Well for debate reasoning, I would point out that the Civil War really did not end economic slavery for African Americans in the deep south, in fact I would even say the Civil war replaced old human bondage slavery with new age economic slavery. Even after Emancipation and the end of "slavery" through Constitutional 13th Amendment, it was hardly a fair society. Beyond just Jim Crow laws that are now remembered infamously, there was something far worse behind the new economics of the South. Sharecropping began to grow in the Southern states as a new form of slavery based on economic production rather than human bondage. A majority were African descent, but there were now destituted white planters among this new lower class of society. Instead being owned by a person or family, a planter was indebted to the landowner for goods and "rent" provided on the land they grew on. In theory, if you had good harvests and good sales, then you could repay the landowner back and make a living for yourself. Instead, the reality was that debt kept growing and escalating from one generation of planters to the next. It is not so dissimilar to our current debt crisis situation in the US, just like the planters. The American government today must borrow money from its citizens and foreign nations to fund its operations and services for its people. Theoretically if we had a bountiful harvest like the 1990's massive expansions, we would pay off all US national debts without issue, but during extreme downturns like the 2007-2008 Great Recession, our debt load grows incredibly high. As such the US has a deeper hole to dig out of and creditors who have far more influence on US policy and directions than even its own people, who elected officials to represent this government. To me slavery is more than being kept in chains or made to work in fields of cotton; it is a loss of free expression, free exercise of decisions, and in the end free will itself for the individual as some one else dictates your behavior.

You can also call the battle of Gettysburg, Lee's last gamble, because the confederacy was in dire need of a true victory that could bring international aid and force Union forces to return full focus on the Eastern front (at this point, in the western front, General Grant had already begun his plan for a seige of Vicksubrg, which would cut off the Confederacy's main waterways and drop their supply lines to levels that could not support long term warfare). People remember Battle of Gettysburg, mainly due to Lincoln's great speech, but it was Battle of Vicksburg at the same time that ultimately was more strategic to the eventual victory of the Union forces. Still, I love the speech, especially his final sentences: -Abraham Lincoln, 1863

No, I won't post images of the pre and post effects of trying out a clean look, site rules et al, Still, I just thought of sharing some thoughts on this practice. As some of you know, I am starting to get more into exercising and running in general, so one thing I noticed was that I was getting sweaty in my crotch area a lot more. Well after a few days of thinking, I thought, why not shave some of the pubes off to reduce the heat build up, then I took the big dive and went all the way. Traditionally, people often associate this activity with swimmers, who need the removal of body hair to reduce friction (I don't know if that really is true or not, just what I heard), but I think it is actually a good practice for people attempting long duration jogging or running exercises as well due to persperation. I think I will also take care of my arm pits as well. As for other effects, I do like the smooth look and as a normal Asian guy, I will never be a true bear, so it actualy works for me. Shaving is a personal preference, but I wonder how many other gay guys, who are trying to get into a work out routine are doing the same or have thought about it? I doubt I am original on this and I would like to know how it feels in the long run.

Thanks for the well wishes, so glad this birthday had a belated present as well, not just for me, but everyone in the US.

Congratulations to everyone with Partners, who are getting ready to be hitched across all 50 States and US territories. This is a momentous victory, but one that must be tempered by rationalism. I will just give a quick breakdown on what the current landscape looks like. Read if you want to hear politics and some pointed opinions. Now, onto some good old fashioned story items: I am writing something new called Blue Rose, the idea is inspired by the variations of Blue Roses in Western and Eastern Mythology. Naturally, Blue Roses cannot exist without color dying or genetic engineering (really cool thing I learned about how Blue Roses can be created that got me thinking). They are famous in German and French literature, along with Chinese mythology as symbols of "True Love", "Unfulfilled Potential", and "Dreams". These are all known themes within LGBT fiction, but it has not been approached literally as far as I know from authors with source material inspiration. Here read the wiki for some ideas on my inspiration: Blue Rose and German Blue Flower This story will be part of my Causality Universe, but will feature new characters and a few interesting main character introductions.

"The war is never completely won. There are always new battles to be fought against the darkness. Only the names change. But we, we achieved everything we set out to achieve. We created something that will endure for a thousand years." - Delenn, War Without End I am equally jaded and pessimistic, but I am a Sci-fi writer, so even in the darkest dystopia and worst possible future outcomes, one must have hope that what is created by sacrificing tears and blood will be a better world than the one we live with today. The war for equality will never end, in the next few decades I believe new debates will come about defining what is "man" and what is "woman" or what is human and so forth, some of us will choose to be on the wrong side of history in those debates despite our experiences, but that's the reality of human existence. (Some ideas I have begun playing with) But even so, a victory has been won, equal to that of Brown v. Board of Education in the US. A clear signal has been raised that the world will soon accept that homosexuality and bisexuality are equal to heterosexuality. Now if you don't mind me, I will be heading down to "Harvard" (Bostonian accent) for a sea breeze

Yay, Congrats to the everyone in the US not in one of our progressive states,we can all enjoy equality together! Now we just need to get the rest of the country to say "Chowda" correctly, then it will be paradise

Writing is more than an exercise in your imagination; it is a meditation on creation and destruction, but not always good vs. evil. I've come to realize that what I am aiming for in my story is not a traditional story of heroes and villains, but a story of three, maybe even four, potential directions. Here's how the idea works, there are basically three sides in existence: Creation, Destrucion, and Transition. On a theological level, since I am musing on Eastern Theology and even portions of Western Theology, I would denote these three elements with characters personifying them. 1. Creator/Yang/The Beginning and Ending/The Perfect Past/The Certain Future- Both the personifying being and the characters that follow this line are moral, logical, orderly, and perfected to the point of imperfection. To be totally perfect in everything is to be totally imperfect; to embody good is to allow evil to exist. However, it is a close companion to Death and its own ending is certain, which create a cycle of fate. This line of idea is usually associated with good, but there are things that must be balanced with a greater good, which may be a lesser evil. The character is a partner to Death, both in a fashion of brothers and lovers. They form reality together and have existed since the beginning. I think Creation and Destruction are not polar opposites, nor can they be as simple as good vs. evil. Creation can be destructive and Death can create new life; it's an intricate balance in nature. They are each other's natural companions, even if they sleep around in an open relationship. 2. Death/Yin/The Ending and Beginning/The Imperfect Past/The Uncertain Future- Both the personifying being and characters following this line are amoral, intuitive, random, and imperfect to the point of perfection. While Death is usually associated with somberness, coldness, and darkness, it can be a glorious release of hope, warmth, and light. It cannot live without creation either, but it has its own ultimate duty to destroy its own companion. The line is distinct in my universe as I am making it beyond good and evil; it is amoral just as it should be. Death does not pick what or who is destroyed, random occurences happen by the totality of probability. Death is a complex character in my story both in its mythology and character. It is a tragic figure that knows its destined to destroy its only companion at the end of time. It's a caring being without morality; sympathy without distinction, and granting choices where certainty would point to only one result. 3. The One/Ming/The Transition/Potential- This line is not part of any theological premice, but an original idea of mine from thinking about Taoism. "Ming" is loosely translated as "knowledge acquired", but ithas other concepts as well. It can be used in the idea of potential. This is basically my stab at concepts brought forth by Transhumanism; ultimately, it will lead to the end of the Creator and Death themselves. The Main Character of Causailty is part of this line and seeks out knowledge beyond just mechanical understanding, morality, or any tangible fixed knowledge. The Book of Fate is a character in this line as well. Now, here's how I am treating Evil 4. Evil/Chaos/Self Determination/Freedom- This is going to be controversial, but I think when comparing notes on religion; it makes good sense. What we consider "freedom" is antithetical to theological "order", if the religion has principles and structure. Even in Taoist/Confucian theology that offers equal treatment, freedom is not always accepted; woman had a traditional role in family life that is basically limited and confined. (If you read the original story of the Nine-Tailed Fox in Chinese, she rebelled against the natural order of men holding power, Dragons (men) in Ascendence as Phoenixes in submission (women), and her role as a sexual object. Half the Chinese heavenly deities followed her rebellion, because Evil was justified by repressive order.) Evil is attempting to break from Order, seek its own way in life against the rules set by others, and give the downtrodden a chance at revenge against thir oppressors. In a way, I think gay readers will find an appeal to this as I do to, but ultimately there is more to evil than fire and horns; it's most seductive aspects are for people, who suffer from oppression just as the Judeo Christian figure Lucifer/Satan is said to have rebelled due to its own perceived oppression by God. I am taking John Milton's Paradise Lost at face value. However, when a victim seeks revenge, it is a highly probable outcome that the victim will be a new oppressor and the old oppressor will be a new victim. Does that make the modern world Evil for embracing these values? Maybe, but what is wrong with being Evil in a world filled with Evil? If we can all live by forgiveness, then there would be no oppression, but it will never be. The desire for freedom from oppression will drive injustice in this world and continue a long line of conflicts. As long as we remain isolated in our view of individuality/Ethnic groups/Sexual Orientations/Nationality/Religion, there is no forgiveness.

Attempts have been made, but ultimately, there are only a few compromises that can be reached with money alone. There are programs in the US for minority students in college enrollment along with federal aid to pay for higher education that aid minority students. As for direct aid, currently welfare participation is around 39-40% for blacks as well as white identified racial populations, but black population is only 13-14% of the total population compared to 77-78% white. Welfare is more than just a check nowadays after the Great Recession, it also includes trade retraining and re-education for potential unemployed or under employed peoples. Still despite economic Money and opportunities can only solve some long standing racial economic issue, but there's been a dangerous idea that it has made people colorblind. I think a false presumption exists within Capitalism and "Free Market" ideology that as long as you have the means, you should socially be equal to a peer of the same ethnic/racial background. I disagree with this wholeheartedly, because while you may point to certain people in the community as leaders with high ranking like President Obama himself, or in Baltimore the Police Commissioner Angthony Batts, or heck the Mayor is also black along with most of the city's council members, a majority is still poor and socially unable to move up. The racism is not about opportunity or power, but inequal and injustice created by the cure to racial tensions in the 1960's. The solution of South Africa has not worked for the US. The LA Times clear cuts that Baltimore is by in large both politically and racially mixed in terms of political power. Our racial problems are not about Whites oppressing blacks or blacks crying feigning persecution, but something else entirely. I think the US and Europe too has fallen into perverse problems created by their own institutions that leave far too many people out as marginalized segments of society. Whether it is blacks in the US or Muslims in Europe, you have to admit there is a longstanding problem that must be solved. While naysayers can point to a beacon of hope and leadership as an example, but if your society does not fix systemic poverty on racial lines, any amount of pyrrhic victory would not amount to much in the lives of the average man/woman/teen.

In modern civilizations, we hold ourselves as "enlightened" and above the old crimes of the past. Yet as recent history would tell us, such claims are haphazard. Lewis Sinclair would say, "Now is the fact that can't be dodged", because we have a tragic issue beyond just a few isolated cases. There is a terminal illness inside the experiment of free democratic societies. No matter how long we struggle, how true our cause, or how noble our sacrifices; somethings persist in society, an "open society" that entertains all walks of life and all viewpoints of perspective. The hardest truth to acknowledge is that injustice, whether it is borne of historical prejudice like the US' racial issues or the perceived injustice of bias by western nations against a world religion like Islam, is present within the mind's eye of those who view themselves as the persecuted. Both of these issues are different and separate in on themselves, but when taken into the fold of our societies' multifaceted voices, who continue certain views that should be forgotten or left to historical debate, it becomes a vicious cancer that eats away at the core of civilization. I am not arguing that racial tenions are fictional notions, because they do exist and I personally have seen a fair share of my own. I am not arguing in favor of reactionary violence against actions by "authorities", who may have just cause or simply made bad choices based on evidence or experiences frome their work. In case of the domestic terrorism, I am not arguing that there is not a distinct problem within western nations concerning its political and cultural attitudes that create a persecution perspective from others. I am not arguing that to defend cultural/ethnic/political identity, one must take actions against an alien ideology or people. Human nature is illogical and irrational, if we simply stop to analyze a situation and ask one another "Why are you doing this?" and "Why am I prepared to do this?" prior to taking an action, we would not have such messy situations. Persecution is real, but so is reactionary principles that antagonizes the persecuted. Violence begets violence; death brings death as an inexitable vicious cycle. We have to stop and ask what is the price of peace between all parties? what allowances can society create to reduce fears and reduce long term tensions? If terms can be agreed to, it would be an ideal outcome for all as many noted persons would relate as the natural progression. Yet, I would question what would happen if peace is unreachable by all sides. In this outcome, perception conquers the logical reality of destruction or fear beats reason. We would end up with the same world we have today, a constant detente of fear, tensions, and illogical violence. I would question whether a world where tensions build and fear propogates as an "enlightened" modern state for mankind.

Lots of stuff has changed in the last 4 months: I have left my old job and have moved to a new company. I am getting paid more working as a corporate accountant for an insurer, but I felt more drained and lost ever since I got this new job. I have done a lot in health care, a lot in finance, but there is something so mechanical and dehumanizing with the insurance industry. I don't know what it is, but I think I can understand why Brad Pitt started a Fight Club Revolution now I have been sorting through things about life and what I want to do versus what I want to achieve. Can I be happy working for less? I think I can be happy working as a small company accountant or even a non-profit again. Also, I have been thinking about the future and I think I might take the MTEL (Massachetts test for educator licensure), I am tempted to go into teaching as a sort of final exit strategy after business and health care. I already hold Masters degree and a Bachelors, so I can probably teach several variants of math. Finally, I am thinking about my storywriting and how I want to go forward with such a long hiatus. I need to write something to rekindle my muse and my fire for the story. I have also been inspired over the last few months of snow influenced cabin fever reading of fantasy stories, especially the Nightrunner series and I am reading Cronin's Key right now (great story by the way for LGBT readers interested in deep plots and modern fantasy genre). My belief is that I need to write something and it might take a while to get it all done, but this time, I am writing it all down and complete. There is no starting or stopping, I want to write a complete story to get my fiery imagination ignited. PS: Final not, I am crossing my fingers and hoping that Iceman's Coming Out is not just a red herring for comic book sales. I have always been a huge fan of the fan fics between him and Pyro, so maybe, my hearts desire will come true and there is a steamy release.

Different places have different rules, in Massachusetts, weekly reports have to be submitted to claim unemployment benefits, either you are looking for work or are in the process of retraining for new work. This is limited to about 26-30 weeks, then you must go through social security administration to claim disability, which can last until you are either inelligible. I would love a dream wedding in a castle, preferable magical, a giant dragon for my limosine, and a honeymoon to Skala (I wouldn't mind travelling to Lynn Flewelling world), but alas, it can only happen in my imagination. Money cannot buy happiness, only you can find it for yourself. Despite how ridiculous this woman's demands are, I hope she eventually finds happiness behind all the pageantry and material aesthetics that she clings to.

The honest truth about being single, legally blind, and gay is that it is hard to remain optimistic about your prospects in love as you continue on the trek to find the right guy. Sex does not drive my interest in guys, so that kills 70% of the dating scene, and I have to "come out" to them about my own issues from the low field vision. I don't hate any of the guys I date either, it's just that much harder to really put yourself out there as you lose another bit of yourself. They are decent guys, but it is so hard to find decent guys out there to begin with and then have the date fail is like a slap in the face. Could I lower my criteria? Probably, I can do even more: groom myself to look like a gay porn star, wear super tight jeans to show off my package, maintain a strict diet and exercise routine that will get a few more looks from pervs, or show off my penis when I am exchanging emails (ugh, I like dick, but I don't need to see your junk before we meet. I block the guys that do that from my email). I know I am ranting a bit, but I am back on the date hunting scene after 2 failed first dates, and I am just really pissed off to see the first responses are guys flopping their dicks in my face, when I explicitely said I don't want a hook-up or to trade pictures.

Merry Christmas to all...several days later