Conner

Great interaction here between Charlie and Derek - by that I mean decent dialogue. I'm very partial to good dialogue. You did say you were going for the atypical with this story and I believe you're doing just that. Typically, a boy like Derek wouldn't be best friends with a boy like Charlie - not by a long shot. Mind you, they're both in middle school right now. I suppose high school will bring a bigger challenge. At this point, it looks like the gay thing is going to be a challenge - and that would be "typical".

Well, I'm not going to claim I have Derek's character all figured out - it is only chap 2...do you feel a "but" coming? Studly, athletic, smart, confident...what's not to like? Is it conceit when it's all true, Derek would ask. Guys like him, and I agree they're out there, always get a "get out of jail" card from their buds for any minor character flaws. It's the way of the world. I get that Derek's mom has had a major influence on how he is. The worst thing I can say about him right now is that he comes off as calculating. I don't doubt for a moment that he sinserely cares about Charlie. Thoroughly enjoying the story.

I guess I can't even claim to be sociably late to this party, seeing that it got going back in April. Andy recommended you to me; I'm glad he did. Humour always draws me in and you don't disappoint. Sarcasm and irreverence top my humour list and I sense I'll be seeing a fair quantity of that.

Loved it! The Descartes (mis)quote was hilarious!

Done

You and cliffies are good friends I see. No, Shade will not die! :2hands: If he does, the fleas of a thousand camels will nestle into your hairy regions. Pretty good threat, eh? Definitely a "keep those suckers on the edge of their seats" sort of chapter! Well done!

For one on one action, though, I understand a steak and a blow job can be very effective.

Mark, the question you pose is really an over generalization and not helpful.

Rest in Peace, Jack.

Quinn's sexual assault on Cameron was totally inconsistent with anything you've told us about him so far. I cannot conceive of any possible rationalization for the assault. I sincerely hope this scene isn't some kind of drama elelment to add kick to your story. As of right now, Quinn belongs in a juvenile detention center.

You did an excellent job of conveying Quinn's emotions in this chapter - his fear and desparation, his anger, his helplessness, his self-loathing over his betrayal. Well done!

As a suggestion, I would like to see you strengthen the length and quality of the dialogue. It would help me understand the characters better - what they're feeling, where they're coming from. The story flow is another concern. You largely use 2 to 3 line paragrahs to narrate the story. It comes close to sounding like a newspaper account. Scenes are narrated, not played out.

I'm enjoying this. Decent dialogue, especially since Michael is actually talking to people, and good humour to boot.

Michael is some pissed off. I'm wondering how long it will take Will to blow a gasket. Michael seems to accept himself as gay, so at least that one issue he doesn't have to deal with. So he can deal, and that's good. Good start.

Solid beginning, Damond! Looking forward to more! Speaking of more, the second post is labelled chapter 9??

Ok, that chapter had a lousy start, but you pulled it out of the fire, so to speak, by the end. You authors can be wicked from time to time. But as they say, all's well that ends well. That was an excellent chapter. Tons of information that really helped. The dialogue between Him and Ar'Thurian was just incredible - definitely the highlight of the chapter for me.

Brandon needs to watch some of those "It gets better." videos. Not that he's being bullied, just for general attitude adjustment. I get he's feeling a lot of frustration. But I think his frustration is largely with himself for not being able to put himself out there. Taking risks, I guess. Writing teenage angst, gay or straight, is never easy - well, that's how I see it anyway. "Crap shoot" is the phrase that comes to mind. A solid beginning, Joe! Obviously, I'm curious about how Brandon and Tyler do but the side plot with Jake and Amber and how Brandon makes his way through that minefield is right up there as well. The straight/gay best buds relationship between Jake and Brandon may also be a challenge; although, it does seem on solid footing right now. I'm happy you've been able to find the time to feed the writer in you.

That was intense. I really enjoyed it. You captured the boys' relationship extremely well. Love and respect, even though rarely expressed to each other, was there in spades. Well done.

I have to say that I've been enjoying the dialogue all along, but you really stepped it up a notch this chapter. I really love great dialogue! There were so many scenes that I thoroughly enjoyed. The scene with Dylan in the vehicle, the mud fight, checking into the motel and, of course, the love scene. As for the mud fight, I was so envious that I wasn't there taking part, laughing my fool head off with those men. I don't even want to get started on the checking in scene - just too funny. To be honest, I was certainly hoping that Jacob and Q would connect. I just wasn't expecting it this early. The challenges that lay before them are huge. So, yeah, thanks for this. It's fantastic.

Great chapter, Andy!! Peter was perfect. Frankly, I'm a little worried about how well Jason will handle his emotions under cross. Given that Peter's injuries are still affecting him, I'm guessing Jason may still feel a great deal of anger towards Jordan. I'll just have to wait and see, I suppose. I was happy to note that Jason's mom is still on-board and supporting Jason and Peter. Dan is cool!

I didn'y buy Preston's story at all. Have to wait and see, I guess. As if Granger needed more family issues to distract him. I suppose it's obvious that Ramsey's ploy won't work at this point. But what to do with him? I wonder how well he swims? Perhaps he could be re-assigned to the General's staff and defend Elba. The earlier scene between Granger and Winkler was most entertaining. Loved it! Super chapter, Mark!!

Outdoor love scenes have always been a favourite. Well done.

I like how you have developed Q's character. The man is an enigma, yet he commands respect and admiration from all around him. He can calm and unsettle you in the same moment.

I find my attention being drawn more and more to the relationships developing between the pledges, especially the paired pledges. Their masks are beginning to come off - still a long way to go, mind you. Masks don't come off easily. It's so much easier to spew out the usual bullshit than become vulnerable to one another. Fascinating story and quite enlightening!

Ok, on the hot scale, that was right up there. I have absolutely no idea where you're taking me here. It seems I'll be coming along anyway. Excellent chapter.