Conner

The ever present dance between prose and poetry was fascinating - a unique style for sure. I will have to read this several more times just to digest it. Well done!

Signed.

You've just proven my point. Is the best you can do is a cavalier remark? Where the hell is the adult supervision in this story? The adults appear when it's convenient. When they do appear, they look stupid. Not only that, the adults are used as an excuse for the teenagers' behaviour. When a comment is made that Will is slutty, you respond that Stef is his uncle. Like that explains everything. Robbie is portrayed as an anxiety ridden idiot in this story. Even his kids talk to him with disdain - with some sort of begrudged tolerance. Your teenagers have become masters of their own universe.

There's a whole lot I liked about this chapter. But first, what I didn't like. I perceived Dan as a bit of a wuss. Is that what you intended? He's a soldier. Yes, what he saw was really bad - another soldier being raped. It's just that he came apart at the seams. Then, out of character, he proceeds to top the Captain. Maybe I'm stereotyping, I don't know. I didn't understand why this other race was so interested in raping a human. They are different species, aren't they? Can homosexuality explain all that by itself? It seems to me the Captain could have taken evasive action a lot sooner that he did - when they first noticed that they were being followed. Who else could have been following them? It surely wasn't the tooth fairy. The scene where the human captives take over was poorly described. All of a sudden, it was done. Why wasn't the captain debriefed following rescue? He wasn't just another rescued prisoner. Facially??? I guess we'll have to add that to the dictionary. The love scene at the end was totally excellent! You definitely nailed that.

This story is total crap. One example, Arbour, you gave Will a big dick and called it maturity - at 13 years old no less. It seems to me there's nothing you can't justify. That really works when you're the puppeteer.

You think you got image problems. Look at my pic! I'm half-goat! Ok, so that's not me. That James McAvoy (Brit actor) all dressed up as Mr. Tumnus from the first Narnia movie. I James McAvoy. If you ever get a chance to see "The Children of Dune" you'll see how hot James is. It's easy to believe in you, Marky. You're the one doing the hard work. Just keep doing what you're doing. These things never happen overnight. Often it's two steps forward, then one back. But I know you'll get there. All my love to you and Stuby!

This chapter reminded me of a line from the movie "Good Will Hunting". Robin Williams' character says something like this, "It doesn't matter whether you're perfect. It's whether you're perfect for each other." Great chapter!

I was pleased we got to hear from Derek's mom. She was supportive but also clearly spelled out her expectations. I wonder what's going on her mind - how she is coping with all this. I'm sure she has asked herself a million question, most of which she can't answer. I shivered when she cautioned Derek to tell her if anyone even touches him in the wrong way. I liked the way you had Derek acknowledge to himself that there were things he knew about, things that should have been more available to him but weren't. I sense I have to be patient with Derek. I also note that Derek keeps repeating the same lines about gays - in this chapter it was the bunnies thing - undoubtedly these are lines that have been repeated drilled into him. I'm sure Luke's goal is to get Derek expelled Is it to clear a spot for himself on the first string or just plain old revenge for Derek shunning him? I'm not sure. I believe there's a place in Derek's mind that on one can touch. That's the place where he keeps Charlie.

Ok, I'm going to give this story an 8. Now before you go thinking 8/10, that's not what I'm saying. This is an 8 on on the Richter scale. Talk about shakin' up my world!

Great tale! Looking forward to Book 2. Thanks!

Great start! There's a nice solid pace to the story. Adventure and romance - works for me! Think about finding an editor/beta. (hint hint)

I am not a fan of reading song lyrics in a story. That said, I do understand that they can serve a purpose, like expressing an emotion or other sentiment that really captures what the author wanted to express. Most of the time, though, they just take up space - that's my experience anyway. I love it that you write such huge chapters. The experience for me is complete immersion - a full-body baptism. I also love the care and attention you give your characters. Possibly 10 to 16 more chapters? That made my day, I'll tell you.

Thanks for your good wishes, WL! Your posts do not go unnoticed. So you're the boyfriend! While I am cognizant of the commandment, "Thou shall not covet another man's man." I can't help myself. Covet, Covet, Covet! So, tell me, what's it like to be envied?

Thanks, MJ. Three happy's! Sweet! Thanks, Ramon! You had better be careful what you say, young man! It just so happens you cross my mind a lot. hehehe Thanks, Mark! I see your default is still set to the Goddess. A good strategy, me thinks!

Thanks, Kim! You're the only Naptowngirl in my life! Thanks FR. Don't think I have noticed that you've "hooked-up" with Kim! An excellent match, I must say! (I love starting rumours! ) Thanks, Steve. I'm working on it.

Thanks for your good wishes, Tara. Much appreciated. Thanks for the nectar, Bee! Thanks, Sharon. I would have preferred "my long time friend". Those were the days, weren't they? I miss the warnings! I miss Michael, too.

Thanks for your birthday greetings and starting the thread, Mark. One of the coolest, eh? Well the jury is still out on that one. Frankly, I'm hoping for a hung jury...if ya get my meaning! Thanks, Andy. Why is it always my friends who remind me of past indiscretions? Ok, that's a dumb question. Thanks Nephy. You are a woman who delivers the goods! I'll be etenally grateful!

If I were the person in that bed, especially now that the handcuffs are off, you wouldn't be traipsing around the room, I tell ya! Naughty and sensuous!

It's amazing how instructive a large slice of humble pie can be. Popularity has come at the expense of ingratiating himself to Summer and dumping a friend. So it's back to the trenches. Looking forward to the next chapter already. Steven's the man! What a stud! Steven works at being a good athlete, a good student and now, of course, a good lover and boyfriend. As Logan pointed out, Steve is the one thing he's done right since arriving at NoHo. I have to believe that Logan is taking some of this stuff in. One of the things I enjoy about all your chapters is that they're riddled with these little yuks from beginning to end. The opening paragraph to this chapter is a good example. Keep 'em coming!

Happy B-Day, FishWings!!

"Come sit in my parlour," said the spider to the fly. Sometimes there's a thin line between mentoring a young officer and seducing him back into your bed. Perhaps it is Granger's nature to do both, albeit not conciously. In any event, it was delicious!

Conner's straight??? You can't do that!! :2hands: I demand a re-write! Didn't take James long to get on top of things, so to speak, now did it? Really enjoying the story, Mark!

The opening scene was fascinating. In James' mind, either Will or Adam killed his father. He had no doubts about this. He sorted out his next steps on the spot and just went with it. Fascinating! You've set a lively pace here. There'll be no dallying in this story. I love it! Hey, you named one of your characters Conner. Why do I get the feeling this Conner Black is going to end up in James' dungeon at the Grange Estate. Will Conner be a demo for Adam???

The King is dead. Long live the King! Well, I had to say something. I'm back. Nothing you can do about it either. :2hands: Somehow I managed to misplace this story. I do that a lot these days. :wacko: I had a look at some of my earlier reviews. I must have been on drugs. Good drugs, but drugs nevertheless. So James is off to England. I shall follow.

I'm glad we got the teasing part out of the way. Well done, Mark. Definitely erotic!