JSmith

A friend and I started a list of things we wanted to do before we die. It's actually quite fun and thought provoking. Feel free to make a list of your own and share it In no particular order: Go sky diving Go bungee jumping Go mountain climbing (Not Everest or anything like that... just a normal mountain) Hit 200+ MPH in a vehicle Travel Europe Go scuba diving Do a BASE jump Fly in a helicopter Take a 2 week road trip with no maps, no phones, and no computers Learn to bartend That's all I have so far.

I can't wait until this Friday and I'll be in San Francisco! I really need to get away from all the shit going on in my life right now. And because I have nothing better to do right now, actually I do but I'm going to procrastinate like always, I'm going to take this time to bitch. Yes, another bitching blog. Are they getting old yet? Too bad. Things to do before tomorrow: Do chapters 4 and 5 Accounting homework that are now late because I skipped class last Thursday, Write a 7 page English research paper that's going to be half-assed because I waited until the last minute again, Study for the accounting test that I'm sure to fail because I hate accounting, Do my Database homework which isn't technically due until Wednesday but if I don't do it now I won't do it at all, work a 12 hour shift tonight, and continue to be pissed off at myself for doing something extremely stupid... even for me. And because I have to do all of that, I'll be up for at least 45 straight hours before finally getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep and then going another 20 hours without sleep. Then repeat until Thursday at which point I have to go to dinner with my aunt that'll be in town. Then I get a few hours of sleep before having to leave for the airport at 5am for my flight to San Fran. So if any of you going think I'm a bitter asshole that day, I probably am. I know I am right now because in the past 24 hours all I've had to eat was a sandwich around midnight last night, but I'm not really hungry. I think my body is getting used to my f**ked up hours because I really don't even need caffeine anymore to function this long without sleep. Anyways, on to my other problems to bitch about! Let's start with work. I like my job because it's easy and laidback, but the hours royally suck and I have to find a new job before the next school term starts or I'll be forced to quit because my classes interfere. Not to mention that right now I'm broke because I've had a lot of unexpected expenses come up that pretty much drained me. Blah! And I don't understand why some people I work with keep trying to talk to me. I have my MP3 player going and I'm not paying attention to your stupid comments. I don't want to take my headphones off just so I can hear about this chick you f**ked the other night. Honestly I don't care! And it's work. I'm there to make money, not friends. Especially with the people that work there because most of them are on drugs and half of them can't speak English. Let me finish my job so I can go find a nice corner to hide in until my supervisor yells at me for not doing anything! That's all I ask! I don't plan on staying there much longer anyway... assuming I can find another job that is. School is annoying. My classes suck for the most part and I've stopped paying attention in them. And it really bugs me that after I've stopped paying attention in them, my grades go up because I'm forced to study on my own and understand what the teacher couldn't teach me. Why the hell do I have to go if I don't listen and all I do is study on my own anyway? Add that to the fact that I keep seeing people (namely Bruce) that I don't want to see there and having to purposefully avoid them, it makes for a long ass day! Last night I was at work and got 3 text messages and a phone call all at the same time from people begging me to go to the club with them. Usually I'm up for it even though it's been dieing down a bit lately, but I really didn't want to leave work early again. And what do you know, the time that I don't go to the club, Lance Bass ends up going. But besides that, there was a gay block party on Saturday night that I went to that was fun. It was packed and I couldn't find some of the people I wanted to see, but I still had fun. I ended up seeing a guy in my English class there. I didn't even see him until he tapped me on the shoulder and said hi as he walked past. Being lonely sucks. I don't know if it's because I'm too picky, too shy, or there just aren't a lot of guys available, but I'm really getting frustrated... especially with myself. I don't know what it is that physically causes me NOT to talk to a guy. I'm such a hypocrite when it comes to this. I always tell people that if it's someone you're probably never going to see again, then what's it matter. If you get rejected it doesn't matter. Yet when it comes to me trying to get up the courage to talk with someone I'm interested in, it just doesn't happen. In my mind I'm screaming at myself to do something and I know what to do, but I can never physically walk up to the guy and say something. And I hate that when I'm with friends that know I want to say something, they're lecturing me on all of this as if I don't already know it. I'm a chicken shit, I know that already. You pointing it out to me doesn't help the situation at all. If you could find a way to slap me upside the head (figuratively of course) and get me to talk to him, THEN you would be helping. I had a deep conversation with one of my friends the other day. She and I always get into some deep shit and just keep talking until we realize what we're saying and then laugh because we think we're idiots. She commented on how she doesn't understand how I can be basically fearless when it comes to doing dangerous things and wanting to try new stuff and meet new people, but when it comes to talking to guys I'm interested in, I freeze up. I want to go sky diving and jump out of a plane for Christ's sake but I can't even speak two words to someone I'm possibly never going to see again. Insecure? Maybe. Self-Conscious? Maybe. Chicken shit? Deffinitely. I really want to get the hell out of Texas and move somewhere else and start fresh. I'm sick of living a double life and not being able to be myself around everyone. And while I could just get it over with and come completely out of the closet, I know I would lose a few friends over it and I don't want to deal with all the shit. I would rather move away from my family and become self-sufficient and live on my own, but I don't think I can do that with where I'm at in my life right now. Eh, I got bored and lost my train of thought so I forgot what else I had to bitch about so I'll spare any of you who are still reading this and end it. Joe (Who has no witty line at the end this time, sorry.)

Who says you need clean goat jokes? (Just doing my obligatory post!)

You had me scared there for a minute, Jan. I thought I forgot to post it until I saw the release date as November 6th And yes, CJ continued his typical style of ending chapters in cliffhangers. Be glad that you won't have to wait over a month to read a new chapter like me because I read ahead

Topics merged

Anyone who's willing to share their picture online will take a group photo I know many of us already have pictures up or circulating already, but some people may want to remain anonymous. Glad to have you come Eggman

It's fixed

I honestly don't know why you added me to the list. I don't do anything in these compared to what it I did in previous anthologies. If you had the ftp access to upload the files yourself, I wouldn't even be needed Kevin and Graeme, however, had a huge part in this and it shows! Thanks guys! Now I actually have something to do at work! I was running out of books to read...

How can you have never seen House or Greys Anatomy!?!? I'm with Adrian... I live and breath Greys Anatomy and haven't missed an episode since the series began last year. If I'm not able to watch it when it's on, then I watch it online You should go to Abc.com and watch it, Kevin!

Damn, now I'm really going to feel young... Not to say that the others are old *cough*

I found this on YouTube and actually laughed my ass off a few times throughout it. Not because the topic is funny, but because the guy is extremely witty and he does drop a huge bombshell later in the documentary. I would comment on it, but I'm tired and lazy so I'll leave that for others if they choose to do so. Watch all 5 parts. http://youtube.com/watch?v=Jt1kN6hzabc&amp...ted&search= Joe WARNING: In part 4 around 6:30ish, there's a mildly... graphic part. It does give you a little warning but if you're not expecting it, it takes you by surprise.

I did leave off the part where I had to say goodbye to Jonathan that night. He came over for a few hours and we talked, and one thing lead to another... But I just didn't think his leaving would affect me as much as it did. That night I was fine but when I got up it just all sort of hit me. If I had to choose one guy that I've dated that I could see myself in a very long-term relationship with, it would be him without a doubt. Not that that's going to happen because of everything going on in both our lives and the fact that he moved away yesterday, but I just couldn't help but think about it all day yesterday. Anyways, thanks for your comments everyone I know I should be sleeping more and not having as much caffeine as I do, but right now that's just where I am in my life. It'll change again soon I'm sure and I'll fall into a regular sleep schedule again. Thanks everyone

I don't really have a point to writing this, but it's keeping me from falling asleep so I figured I'd do it. I haven't eaten in a day and a half, and I'm not even hungry. I have a bitch of a headache so I know I need to eat, but I just don't have an appetite at all. I got food today for breakfast and tried to force myself to eat, but I became nauseous every time I would think about taking a bite so I gave up. I only got two hours of sleep last night, and had to be up at 6:30 to finish a paper before my class at 8:00. I have work from 5:30pm to 5:30am tonight and I'm not likely to sleep at all between now and when I have to go to work, so it looks like it's probably going to be a long night. I have enough caffeine in me right now to last me for a few more hours, but once that wears off I'm going to be f**ked so I'll need to take some 5 Hour Energy drinks with me. Plus, I'm irritable as hell right now. Every little thing is annoying me and I get pissed off at a lot of stuff I'd usually ignore. Viv got to hear some of my anger when I talked with her earlier, but I tried to tone it down a little bit. Add all this to the fact that I feel like just breaking down and crying all of a sudden... I think I'm depressed. Don't you wish you were me?

I'm doing alright, thanks for asking Glad to have you back! How have you been?

Our Live Chat was removed due to inactivity and the cost it took to run an empty chat room.

First off, let me just say that if I haven't talked to any of you in a long time and you never see me on MSN anymore, I'm sorry. This week has been absolute hell for me. I started my training week at work on Sunday night at 7pm. I work from 7pm to 5:30am Sunday-Thursday this week. I have school from 8am-12pm Monday-Thursday. I've pulled one 28 hour day before finally passing out and getting 3 hours of sleep, and today I'm going to pull another long 24+ hour day IF I even sleep at all before I go back to work. Most of you are probably saying that's not bad, I have 7 hours in between to sleep. Well try doing a shit load of projects and homework for classes and still getting that sleep. The good news is though that after this week, my schedule will even out more and it won't be so bad. As for today, it's going to be either one very good, or very bad day. I found out two days ago that my ex, Jonathan, is moving in about a week. His dad is going to be the pastor or a church in a town about three hours from here. Now even though I haven't really talked to him that much, I do miss him a lot as it is, and with him moving that just kills anything we might have had going in the future. So today after he gets out of class around 1, we're going to hang out and say goodbye and all the fun stuff. I'm really looking forward to spending the time with him, but I'm not looking forward to either getting very little or no sleep at all before I have to go to work. Caffeine is your friend. High amounts of caffeine can keep you going for hours. Just don't let that caffeine wear off or you're f**ked and you crash. I've had so many monsters, 5 hour energy drinks, redbulls, caffeine pills, and coffee in the past week that I've been doing pretty good about not letting that crash hit me until I really need it. I really can't remember what all I wrote so far, so if none of that made sense, then tough shit because I'm not going to correct it. And now I get to go take a shower before I head off to start my wonderful day of classes! YAY! *walks away muttering* Oh, before I forget, I just wanted to vent about how stupid some of the staff is at my school. I got an email last week saying I needed to go in to get my picture taken for my ID. Fine, I go in on Monday and she's all excited to see me because I took so long to go there and get it done. Well sorry I have a life and can't just drop everything to go get my damn picture taken! Stupid bitch. And then, even though she's all excited, she says the machine is down because it's out of toner. Great. She tells me to come back tomorrow (Tuesday) during the day and we'll get it done. I guess she forgot to mention that Tuesday was a staff development day because I go in there on Tuesday and there's a note on the door saying they're closed and will be back open tomorrow. Again, I call her a stupid bitch even though she's not there. So now I have to go in there today with no sleep, and get the damn picture taken for my ID card. And I swear if for any reason they can't do it today, then f**K them and their damn ID card. They can wait until I'm good and ready to take the stupid picture and get the card. I don't even NEED the card, but they say I HAVE to have it. Whatever. [/end rant] That's all for now. This was mainly just to let everyone know that I'm still alive. I'll try to talk to everyone when I get a chance on the weekend, but the chances are I'll still be swamped with projects and web stuff. Joe (Who really needs some more caffeine )

Brad Thor is an awesome author. He and Vince Flynn have styles that are a lot alike and so far I've read every book both of them have release except Vince Flynn's newest one that came out this month. If you have a chance and you like the thriller/high-tech war type novels, I'd suggest reading them both.

Or you can post a topic in the lounge with a long enough thread title that it catches my eye and I become curious.

Actually bad news on the car, lol. They're holding it overnight to do a disgnostics test on it when they get a chance, but they're pretty sure they're going to have to take apart the transmission to see what's wrong with it and fix it. Which means no car for a week or so.

I always hated it when my parents would ask me that. It was either "How was school?" or "What'd you learn today?"... How was school? It's school, how do you think it was! Honestly, who really wants to wake up that early and go to class? What'd I learn? Based on the fact that I usually slept through my classes, not much! Except today... today was an exception because I learned that there are an extremely large number of hot guys at our school this year. The incoming freshman are so good looking that it kills me to know most of them are straight. And the ones that aren't straight are so deep in the closet they could find the sock I misplaced last year! What sucks even more is that I know I'll see half of them at my house at one point or another throughout the year because most of the campus comes through here at least once for a party (non-alcoholic of course ). Besides that, my life has been hell lately and it's slowly returning to normal. I hope. I'll try and short-hand this as much as possible because if anyone is like me, they see a long ass blog and just leave because they're too lazy to read it. No job + No Money = No Fun Car messed up = Oh crap + Under 60,000 = No paying Camping + lots of rain = Not as much fun (I'll expand this one to say that it was still fun because we were all slightly incapacitated so we didn't really care, but I have a lot of wounds from the trip. Cuts and scrapes are no problem, but never try and break off part of a dead tree with a big rock. Chances are the big rock will break, fly into the air, and come crashing down onto your arm leaving a bruise and swelling. Also, never try walking to somewhere if when you drove in you saw a sign that said 'Steep Hill' but ignored it because you were in a car.) Clubbing + Friends = Fun + Running into exes = Not so fun + Creepy guys trying to dance all over you and grope you and then follow you off the dance floor when they won't leave you alone = Not fun at all + Friends keep bringing it up and making fun of you for it = f**K you Also, about 10 minutes ago I got a call from somone I didn't know looking for Bruce (if you don't know who bruce is, see earlier blogs where I think I mentioned him). I haven't talked to Bruce in 5 or 6 months. I was never really close enough with Bruce for anyone to think that he would be with me, and I doubt he would remember my phone number to give it out to someone without knowing it was me. He would have had to go through his phone to find it. So now I'm annoyed that he did that, but oh well he can go screw his couch for all I care because I'm not too fond of him as it is. That's all Joe (Who is off to Jeff's for free food )

As long as it's alright with everyone else, I'll make sure to post pictures of the group that goes to San Francisco in November. That should add a few more pictures to this, but I agree with Jack. Conner? CJ? Pictures?

Happy Birthday, Jeff! Hope Lawrence gives you a nice birthday present when you get home from work tonight

Wow.... just wow. He's very talented and I'm glad he's agreed to share it with everyone. All I have to say is, I better be getting a live performance of this in San Francisco in November because it's truly amazing.

The following list is of the people that are coming/planning on coming to the November 3rd get together in San Francisco. [updated Oct 18] Yes, I'm coming: (Current count: 11) DKStories Trebs LittleBuddhaTW JSmith Viv +1 Shadowgod Sungod Dezlboi Snow Dog Eggman I'm thinking about it, but probably can't make it: CJames I definitely can't make it - sorry Myr Bardeara AFriendlyFace L0st Cause Krista Dio [Dependent on Myr] Please let me know if I put you in the wrong category, or if I left you off the list. I'm not adding people that are definite nos because that would be too long of a list. Only respond if you're going please! Joe

It's been over a month since my last blog so I figured I'm due for an update. My life was going relatively uneventful until these past few days. Let's start with the whole San Francisco thing... I finally bought my plane ticket so I'll be there from Friday morning at 10AM until Monday morning at 7 or 8AM I think. I'm looking forward to it a lot... there are a few people going that I've been dieing to meet for a while now and I'm glad I'll finally get the chance. So if you're thinking about going but are unsure, I say go for. You'll have fun, I promise! I've been told I'm a bad gay guy. I have no fashion sense what so ever and I can't dance worth a damn. I blame the dancing on the fact that all the people I go to a club with are a foot shorter than I am and I just can't get that low! The fashion thing is true... I can't pick out clothes and usually don't match, I just wear what's comfortable. My friend Jane took me shopping a few days ago and then Lawrence took me again ok Wednesday. Needless to say, shopping with a straight girl one day and then a gay guy the next, I spent a lot of money. But on the bright side, I did get a lot of nice clothes.. even though he insisted on me getting smalls instead of mediums. I'm going to get fat and not fit into any of them and it's going to be all his fault! Work. Work sucks. Work sucks bad. All hell is breaking loose at work now and it's getting on my nerves. One of our managers is leaving to move to PA, and then 3 more are transfering to another store and we get 2 of their managers in return. So we're loosing 4 managers and only gaining 2. And now this is where I come in. They're promoting me to a manager, but they're only giving me a week to train. I started training today and I have until the end of next week to be finished and be able to run the store on my own. Usually it takes at least 2 weeks and most of the time 3 to train someone. The owner told me they were going to give me the 'crash course' on it. Great! Not to mention that a lot of the other team leaders are pissed that I'm the newest one and I'm getting promoted before any of them. Most of the good people have quit, or are quitting for various reasons and our GM only seems to be hiring people with an IQ lower than room temperature at a pace that's going to leave us with zero people in a months time. It's stupid, and I hate it, and I want to quit but I need the money. GAH! And now for the real issue that's been eating at me these past couple days. I'll start at the beginning because I have nothing better to do right now. Well I do, but I don't want to do it so I'm going to use this as an excuse to put it off. Anyway, Tina (coworker) and I got off work on Wednesday night and were talking and she said she had to go to Albertsons and get cheese. I agreed to go with and we went over after we got off. We're in the store when all of the sudden Tina stops, turns around and says "That guy over there is Dustin...". Dustin is a guy that our other friend Michelle was trying to hook me up with. So we're leaving and we're talking to one of the people that works there that we know and Tina mentions Dustin and how Michelle was trying to hook us up. So fine, we left. We're out sitting by my car talking when Dustin comes walking over to us. He introduces himself and all that and we started talking. About a minute later, Tina turns and yells "Jonathan!". And here's where things get awkward. Jonathan is my ex and our relationship ended in a not-so-pleasant manner. It wasn't bad, we just stopped talking. So he comes over and starts talking to Tina and every once and a while glances over at me. Dustin gets bored and leaves with his friend and it's just the three of us. So Jonathan says it was nice seeing us and he hugs Tina and turns towards me and it looked like he was going to hug me and I just looked at him. He stopped and looked at Tina and then went inside the store. Tina knows about Jonathan and I, but Jonathan doesn't know she knows. So were still sitting there talking about what happened when he comes back out. He says bye again and Tina and I leave for my house because she wanted to see the clothes that Lawrence picked out for me. While we're at my house I get a text from Jonathan telling me it was nice to see me again and he really wanted to talk to me and for me to get online. So I did and he apologized for being a dick and ending things the way he did and gave me somewhat of an excuse for doing what he did. I'm not one to really hold grudges so I accepted the apology. Well we got to talking and it really seemed like he was interested in getting back together again, but I really don't know what to do. On the one hand, I really liked him and never wanted to break up in the first place, but on the other, I don't want to get f**ked over again and end up hurt. So I've been talking with a few people about it (thanks viv, jeff, and myr!) and I've pretty much decided to give him a second chance and see where it goes. That was a lot longer than I anticipated, so I'll give a short version: My ex wants to get back together and I'm confused on what I should do. Well, that's about it for the drama in my life. Until next month! Joe (Who gives pitty to the person that actually reads all of that.)