Like it or not, we gay folk are defined by our sexuality to some extent. We simply don't fit the usual mold of getting married, having a soccer mom and supporting an SUV full of kids.
I'm fine with that. Although I like kids, I like them much better in small doses and preferably living elsewhere. I detest SUVs and I really despise mini-vans. It's a lucky thing that I can't have a rocket-launcher because I would cleanse the road of those damned rolling abominations.
I have absolutely no doubt that the behavior that you described is equal parts homophobia, ignorance and social ineptitude. I'm sure that we all know and understand those three attributes all too well. There is also probably an element of denial involved too.
Social ineptitude while annoying, is forgivable. Homophobia is annoying, potentially even dangerous, but we know and understandable it to some extent.
Ignorance is just plain sad- and denial is pathetic.
Back in the early 90s, I had a friend that worked for CDC tracking AIDS cases in Georgia and Florida. People that do that burn out fairly quickly and change jobs to something less stressful like air traffic controller or working at the department of motor vehicles.
He told me about a case where he met this redneck guy in his mid-twenties who was symptomatic but denied being gay or bi. When interviewed, he said- I'm not really gay. I just like to have sex with my cousins and their friends at deer camp.
When ignorance meets denial, the results are usually a pathetic, sometimes even tragic mess.
And some people think I'm stuck-up and too picky about the people I go out with.