JamesSavik

The religion sounds vaguely Mormon-esque which is BTW one of the most homophobic and wacky on the planet. How do I know? When my best friend married a Mormon girl, I shagged her brother after the bachlor party. He was really cute but f-ed up in the worst way. Why are the cute ones always insane?

I know that this may be heresy for a gay man to say but I hate musicals. Not sure why but they make me want to bolt. Don't get me wrong- I'm all about drama but that song and dance crap just gets in the way. Perhaps I'm biased having suffered through musicals featuring sappy-sweet Doris Day, doofy Elvis and who would fail to be nauseated by Okla-homo. Just the thought give me dry-heaves. The Who did several projects that weren't too bad: Tommy and Quadrophenia. They weren't bad, did not require loads of drugs to enjoy and were graced with a young, hot Daltry. Heavy Metal couldn't possibly be confused with a musical but the music is a lot better.

Sigh. Just a movie. SB, don't scare me like that. I was packing for OK ready to whup some... My trip to Dallas for Turkey-day was great. I met my kniece's boyfriend. She's 20 and going to U of Houston. I smiled and shook his hand and he said, "Wow, as big as you and your brother are, I'm sure glad you are good-natured." My brother said, "That's a good thing to keep in mind."

Dom- I don't like the sound of that on-again/off-again cold with pain in the chest. It could be turning into pneumonia on you and that would be bad. I get this sometimes and it goes that way until I get a shot of antibiotic/decadron. Take care of yourself pal, JS (via my kneices laptop in Dallas.)

Green: Thanks guys. You are quite welcome Green. Your blog is always interesting to read. You just never know what the Green one has been up to lately. From the highs of you having fun with your friends to the lows of your recent breakup- it's really quite an amazing story. There are times when I want to hug you and other times when I want to punch somebody for you. I'm tickled pink that you ended up with Chaz. You deserve a break and he seems like a genuinely nice person. It doesn't take astrology or psychology to see that you two compliment each other nicely. I think that you are one of the more talented young writers of our little genera. You get a little better with each story. Now I understand where some of your ideas must come from. -JS

I'm so glad it went well for you. It's a big step and only you can decide when and if the time is right. I am totally against a person coming out that isn't comfortable with their situation. [flaming understatement /on]Opinions about homosexuality vary greatly and you never really can tell how someone is going to react. [flaming understatement /off] Being gay is something you can't chose. You can chose how, when, where and to whom you are going to come out. Chose well because the blowback can be a real bitch. -JS

Let's see... I'm a gay male in my early 40s. Although I've been out since my early teens, I'm not flamboyant about it and am masculine. I'm 6' 2" 240 and I hit the gym every day. I mountain bike and am known to wander around with my camera looking for targets of opportunity. I've got green eyes and blond hair. I'm a iNTj or a Leo depending on whether you believe in psychology or astrology. I have a degree in Computer Science and have worked as a programmer, systems analyst and a systems administrator for the last 20 years. I currently have two serial stories out. Broken is hosted at awesomedude and deweywriter. Operation Hammerhead is in the members story section here and several other places. My short stories Jeff and the Cool Green Sea are hosted at Awesomedude and deweywriter. I've got an old, fat tabby cat with a grumpy disposition named Boo. Oh yeah, I'm from Mississippi but I wear shoes and have been domesticated. Lately I've been listening to Smashing Pumpkins, Limp Biscuit, STP, Green Day. My favorite net authors are, in no particular order: Driver, Dewey, Freethinker, Comicality, Dom Luka, EggMan, Jamie, EleCivil, Graeme and others. I stay out of churchs as I have this thing about holy water, avoid mirrors and sleep during the day, hunt at night. Perhaps I've said too much...

On not fitting in- I can truthfully say I've been there. Football was the only thing that I did that pleased my father. Playing football was very difficult because the players and sometimes even the coaches didn't want me there. I was a decent player and could hit pretty hard- I played linbacker. I lived in the gym and built up. The reason that the guys didn't mess with me too much is because I behaved kinda psycho and could knock most of their heads completely off. Later in college, I went to a gay club. I was refused admittance because I didn't look gay. I did look like a big scary, dangerous linebacker. So I've been uncomfortable in both the gay and str8 world. Gay people don't really look like anything. We aren't all flaming, effeminate, shallow or sexually compulsive. These are stereotypes that people that hate us like to repeat.

When Chaz arrived he gave me a huge hug. First thing out of his mouth was this, "You have to let people in. You can't carry this all by yourself." The more I hear about Chaz, the better I like him. In this case, he is quite correct. Talk to him Green. He wants to be there for you and that is a rare gift.

Jim- You make me proud. Being honest with your friends means a lot more then keeping up appearences. Way to go! Just let me know when the ride to Alpha Centuri is ready and I'll clear my calender for a few years. -JS -

Nick- Hope you feel better. Don't worry about your hot step-mom. If you think about it, it can be an asset for you. -JS

I've been around and I keep a pretty good eye on things. Vic and Green are pretty regular too and Kitty has been around. Honestly, since we got to midterms, things have been rather quiet.

Welcome! It's always good to see AFriendlyFace.

Dom- I'm going to RANT in your blog. I have read a lot of people ripping on your character Rory in DD. Rory is a pain they say. Rory is a little bitch they say. What is it with these people? -Rory's Mom got sick when he was 14 and died of cancer. -He had to leave the only home he ever knew and move to live with strangers. -He had to go live with a father he never knew (!) -He faced having to come out all over again to a father he barely knows. (up to chap. 10) -He knows there are things that he doesn't know and futhermore, those little details are being withheld. If anyone has an absolutely valid excuse to HAVE ISSUES, its poor Rory. Jeez- it's a wonder the poor guy hasn't shot himdelf or gone postal. OK- so maybe Rory acts like an angry, mixed up, scared and confused kid. THAT's BECAUSE HE IS! Rory is a product of a lot of trauma not charm school. RANT /OFF -JS

I always had a soft spot for Jonathan brandis because he was a dead ringer for my first boyfriend. His suicide was so sad.

Icky, icky gurl coodies! Brush your teeth young man!

The only Latin that I know: Illegitimi Non Carborundum -JS

I seem to make an asshole out of myself a lot. Then there's kinda an awkward silence for a minute, and I say, "This would be the part where you tell me your name." So he tells it to me, and I try not to start crying as I walk away. I was very rude. SB- I doubt seriously if you are either rude or an asshole. If you were a hunter, I would say that you've got buck fever. This affliction strikes deerhunters when they've got a deer in their sites and they get rattled. Their hands shake, they make mistakes and they don't get off a good shot. In your case, you are a tad awkward with a dash of nerves. It is very common and it happens to everyone gay, str8 or Martian. Give yourself a break. At 14, nobody is exactly what you might call smooth. What you don't want to do is get down on yourself and create even more anxiety about social situations. You've got a lot going for you. You are smart, athletic and fun. Those other people out there that you are worried about: you are as good as any of them. -JS

Despite all the rubbish about free speach in this country, there are some things you just can't say. The list is: making threats against President Loopy, making bomb threats, threatening to shoot up a school and discussing suicide. There are some state laws that dictate what has to happen in this case: typically the suicidal individul is taken in for 48 hours of observation. It has to do with liability. If you actully did kill yourself and the school knew about it, they could be sued. There is also the disturbing tendency for suicidal people to put a few people out of their misery before they check out. Look kid, what you are going through is not at all uncommon. Gay and lesbian youth are the most at risk for suicide for the very same reasons you are depressed. The key here is that we all lived through it. I got outed when I was 13 the summer before I started 7th grade in a redneck town in Mississippi. (Consider how much fun that was.) I'm not saying the experience didn't f*** me up but I managed to survive it. I know that it is tough for kids that come from strict religious backgrounds. I was Baptist. You've got to learn to take what works for you, leave the rest and live your life. Do you really need a religion that calls you an abomination and teaches you to hate yourself?

Best wishes Sharon! May every year be better than the one before. -JS

I find it really irritating that people assume that because you are gay, you'll hop in the sack with anybody or try anything. As lawyers say, this assumes facts not in evidence. Furthermore, people who persist in hitting on me after I've declined don't help their chances.

My cats had "cat buddies" that would come over and hang out. Sometimes they would play tail-tag: one chasing the other until he could slap the other cats tail. Then the other cat would be "it" and the chaser would be the chased. It's really funny to watch. My old cat was none to thrilled when his understudy arrived: a cute little orange tabby kitten named Boo who would follow him around. When I was looking, the old cat would hiss at little Boo and make him back off. When I wasn't looking, the old cat would play with him and lick his face. Sometimes an old cat has to remind everyone that he is still the number 1 cat. Since I had a cat door, it was nothing for my cats and their buddies to show up inside... with gifts of lizards and bluejays. The only thing that might cause a fight was if any of the cats other than #1 were to try to jump in my lap or sleep on my bed. Then he would get nasty.

You weren't catnapping. The cat just decided that you were cooler and he was going to hang with you.

I have to second this Matthew. I'm a few years older than you and lived through the eighties/early ninties. I watched AIDS devastate my generation. While people aren't dropping like flies anymore because of improved treatments, only the very foolish or sex addicts are going to behave in this manner. Another thing that I think will help a lot is to get the fundamentalist nonsense out of your head. You've been fed a line of BS about what gay people are like. YES. There are some pretty F-ed up gay people but str8s aren't all saints either. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with the content of your character. My opinion, for what it is worth, go to the gay social group. Don't screw around or you'll get the reputation of a slut. Do meet some people so you'll have someone to talk to and you won't feel so alone.

My Mom has a rule about political discussions during family get together. She doesn't allow it. She says that under her roof there is no democracy or tyranny, only a benevolent matriarchy that brooks no mischief.