No Fairytale World - 10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

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Pete stared up at the bright lights.

He loved Times Square. He loved it before he had ever seen it. But once he saw it in person, he fell in love all over again. It was beautiful. It was breathtaking. It was so alive, even at this late hour. People were milling around, talking in various languages and accents. He loved it all. Why couldn’t he feel this alive? Right now he felt dead, completely empty.

Someone bumped into him and Pete stumbled. He heard a muffled ‘Sorry’ but he barely registered it. He was too busy staring around. People probably thought he was a tourist.

He whipped out the letter from his brother and read it again. However only a few lines stood out to him, searing into his brain.

“Mom died in a car accident. She had been drinking. Her funeral is being held on…”

“Will you come home?”

“I don’t know why you left. I’m always wondering…what happened… ”

“I miss you.”

Tears came to Pete’s eyes. He knew Jacob didn’t hate him for leaving. Maybe life hadn’t been difficult for Jacob after Pete left. Maybe his mother only wanted to torture him, but why? Pete was so confused. What should he do? Should he go home to see Jacob? He wanted to tell him the truth. He owed it to his brother, after all these years, to tell him why he left, why he had to run. He really missed Jacob.

“What should I do?” Pete asked looking around. “What do I do?” he whispered, tugging at his hair. He shivered and he momentarily wished he had grabbed his coat. His sweatshirt wasn’t that warm.

More drops landed on the photo and Pete rubbed his eyes. He frowned in confusion; he wasn’t crying that hard. Then he realized it was raining. Looking up at the dark sky, larger drops fell onto his face. He blinked to ward off the water from his eyes.

Closing his eyes, he let the water hit him. The rain became heavier, the drops larger, pounding onto his face, soaking his clothing. It felt good. It felt cleansing. It made him feel alive, for reasons unknown to him.

He laughed. “It’s raining. It’s raining!” he shouted, throwing his arms to the side, narrowly missing a group of girls. He got some funny looks but didn’t care. The rain seemed to be the funniest thing to him. He laughed, a slow rumble up his stomach, until he was crowing, clutching his sides.

Pete fell to the ground, landing on his ass. He sat cross legged and laughed, the rain mixing with his tears. “She’s dead!” he yelled looking up, tasting the raindrops. They were soothing. “She’s dead! Oh God, she’s finally dead!”

He was supposed to feel happy, he was supposed to feel elated, he was supposed to feel free. Instead he felt deep sadness, creating a terrible ache in his stomach. He felt sadness for the father he lost, and the life he had lived due to his father’s absence. He felt sadness for the brother he left behind, and the bond that was lost. He felt sadness for the mother he lost all those years ago, and he regretted that he’d never get the love he wanted and craved from his mother; she was finally gone. She hadn’t loved him then, and she’d never love him again. There was no more time for her to come around because she was gone. It was final.

With the heavy downpour there were few people on the streets; some carried umbrellas, others were dashing, futilely hoping to avoid getting drenched; others were in buildings staring at the man in the middle of the sidewalk laughing to himself.

They all thought he was crazy or drunk or high or extremely happy about something. Little did they know that Pete was not laughing out of joy, but out of pain.

He had cried so much in the past, there were no more tears to shed. At this point all he could do was laugh.

******

Andy woke up to unusual sounds. For a few seconds he was disoriented. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head, listening more closely to the sounds. It was coming from Pete’s room. He bolted out of bed, hearing Jordan mumble something before he continued sleeping. It was still dark outside, so Andy could only wonder what time it was.

Stepping cautiously into Pete’s room, he paused to let his eyes adjust. He saw a tall figure hurriedly doing something, throwing stuff around. Frowning, Andy walked in further. “Pete?” he asked softly.

Pete’s shoulders tensed and he froze, but only for a second before he continued with his task, not turning to face Andy.

“Pete, what are you doing?” Andy asked moving beside Pete and switching on the small lamp beside the bed. His eyes widened. He could tell that Pete was packing. “What are you doing?” Andy asked again, his voice rising, a hint of panic in it.

“What does it look like?” Pete said harshly.

Andy studied him in confusion and concern. Pete was wet, so Andy knew that Pete had gotten caught in the rainstorm before. “Where are you going?” he finally asked.

“Away.”

“Where?” Andy persisted.

“None of your business,” Pete snapped, but his voice was shaking and Andy noticed the tremble in Pete’s hands as Pete zipped up his duffel bag. Something was wrong with Pete; Andy could tell. Pete’s jaw was clenched and his face was blank, but Andy knew it was just an act. Pete was scared. He was running away. Again.

When Pete turned to leave, avoiding Andy’s eyes, Andy roughly grabbed Pete’s shirt and pulled him back.

“Dude, get off me!” Pete snarled, brushing off Andy’s hand. “Just leave me alone!”

Andy recoiled in shock and hurt. Pete made his way toward the door, without looking back. Andy was filled with sudden anger. Quickly he edged to the right of Pete and kicked the door shut. It slammed loudly and Andy cringed, hoping Jordan was still sleeping.

Curling his fists into Pete’s sweatshirt, he pulled him around so that they were facing one another. Pete looked startled and his eyes widened in fear. Abruptly, Andy’s anger faded. Well, most of it. He was still pissed, but the fear in Pete’s eyes was jarring. He didn’t want to cause that fear in Pete’s eyes.

Nudging Pete against the door, Andy pinned him there, so that Pete was forced to talk to Andy. Andy needed answers. He had been worried all night.

“Let’s start from the beginning, okay?” Andy said gently. Pete didn’t answer. He just stared into Andy’s eyes searchingly and nodded slowly, like a little kid getting reprimanded. “Where did you go? You left at four in the afternoon and it’s now,” Andy paused looking for Pete’s alarm clock. “It’s now two-thirty in the morning.”

“I went out,” Pete said haltingly.

Andy frowned at Pete’s tone. Why couldn’t Pete tell him the truth? Had Pete done something bad? Andy gripped Pete’s shoulders harder, his fingers digging into the lean muscle. Pete grimaced, shifting slightly.

“I walked around, rode the train over and over again, back and forth, never leaving,” Pete answered quickly. “I eventually ended up at Times Square and it started raining and I just sat there while it rained…”

“You sat at Times Square while it rained Where?” Andy asked in confusion. “You didn’t go anywhere? You just stayed outside…doing what?”

“Thinking. Sat on the sidewalk in front of that Sanrio store and did my thinking,” Pete chuckled dryly. “Thinking and regretting and hating everything,” he went on. “I liked the rain. It was raining so hard and it felt soothing and it made me feel better.” Pete giggled. “I did look crazy and I got a bunch of looks.”

“How long? You’re still wet.”

“I don’t know. The time started to blur. It rained a lot,” Pete murmured touching his damp sleeves.

“I can tell. You should take a hot shower and change into some dry clothes before you get sick,” Andy said his paternal side kicking in. Pete must have thought so too because he smiled slightly.

Andy touched Pete’s cheek gently. Pete froze once again. “You freaked out before,” Andy said staring deep into Pete’s eyes. “You ran out. I was thinking about you all day, worrying.”

Pete swallowed. “You were worried? About me?” He sounded skeptical and Andy’s anger flared back up.

“Um, yeah!” Andy nearly yelled before remembering his sleeping son in the other room. “What the fuck do you think?” he hissed. “Of course I was worried. What if something had happened to you?”

“I, sorry, I didn’t mean,” Pete stammered. “No one ever…”

“That was before,” Andy interrupted. “You have someone that worries about you now, got it? Me! And Michelle would worry. And even Mark. And Jordan. You can’t just take off like that and you don’t even have a fucking cell phone,” Andy seethed, all the irritation coming out full force. He breathed heavily, trying to calm himself down.

“Sorry,” Pete mumbled looking down. “I didn’t think…”

“No. No, you didn’t.”

There was silence as Pete couldn’t seem to look Andy in the eyes.

Andy sighed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I swear, I just went walking and lost track of time,” Pete murmured, finally peeking at Andy.

Andy smiled ruefully. “With all your deep thinking did you at least come to any conclusions?” It was Andy’s way of trying to get some information out of Pete. He wondered what Pete decided to do about his mother’s funeral and his brother.

“Not really,” Pete said honestly shrugging. “The rain felt so calming that my mind blanked out.”

Andy sighed and released Pete’s shoulders. He ran his fingers through his hair. “Are you tired?” he asked Pete.

“A little,” Pete said quietly. “I was so focused on leaving that I was on an adrenaline rush. Now I just want to crash.”

“Leaving? Where would you have gone?” Andy asked in a controlled tone.

“I don’t know!” Pete exclaimed sounding frustrated. “I felt so shocked and confused and guilty that I wanted to disappear. I have no idea where I would have gone. I just needed to leave. I didn’t want anyone asking me questions or pretending to care or babying me. I don’t need anyone. I like being alone. It’s easier being alone! I’ve made it this far by myself!” He was yelling now.

“But you don’t have to anymore! You don’t have to do everything by yourself! You have friends, you have me! And no one is pretending anything; we actually care, but you’re too damn stubborn or stupid to see that,” Andy yelled back.

Pete growled in anger and pushed Andy away, attempting to open the door. Andy rushed forward, yanking at Pete’s bag, throwing it to the floor. The door was open and once again Andy slammed it shut, this time with his arm.

“What the fuck…” Pete began. He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence because Andy kissed him. Hard. Aggressively. Andy’s lips forced Pete’s open, and although Pete initially tensed, he quickly relaxed and leaned into Andy’s body.

A soft moan escaped Pete’s lips as he wrapped his arms around Andy’s neck, Andy’s bare torso feeling warm and comforting. Andy’s own hands came around Pete’s back as he deepened the kiss, with Pete responding passionately.

Getting chills from Pete’s damp sweatshirt, Andy impatiently started pulling at Pete’s clothes. Pete broke the kiss briefly. Andy instinctively moved his face closer to Pete’s.

Pete laughed and tugged the sweatshirt over his head, dropping it on the carpet. Their mouths slammed into one another as they hungrily kissed, mouths open wide, sloppily trying to devour more of each other.

“Shit,” Pete breathed against Andy’s lips. Andy started chuckling in between kisses as their heavy breaths filled the quiet room.

Pete ached for Andy and his jeans were constricting his erection. Thrusting against Andy, he felt Andy’s obvious arousal through Andy’s thin boxers. Andy hissed and thrust back.

It was Pete’s turn to groan. His fingers stroked the muscles of Andy’s back, feeling the taunt skin, the hot flesh as he moved further down. He playfully snapped the elastic band of Andy’s boxers. Andy began kissing Pete harder, bruising Pete’s lips. When Andy started pulling at Pete’s jeans, Pete broke away.

Andy looked at him in confusion, his eyes dazed and full of desire. Pete was gasping for air and when Andy reached for him again, Pete backed away.

“Pete…”

Pete took Andy’s hand and pushed him onto the bed. Andy flopped on it and Pete laughed at the man’s surprised expression before climbing on top of Andy. Andy’s hands clumsily worked the button and zipper of Pete’s jeans while Pete kissed Andy’s neck, sucking gently behind his ear, his hands dragging across Andy’s chest. Pete’s fingers danced along the ridges of muscle, his thumbs rubbed the erect nipples.

Andy arched into him, his breath hot against Pete’s ear. “Fuck, Pete.” His hands finally unzipped Pete’s jeans and he was forcefully pulling at them. “Fuck, Pete, fuck.”

Pete burst out laughing at the suggestive curses. “Slow down cowboy. You better take me out to dinner and buy me flowers first before you get fucking privileges,” he giggled against Andy’s lips as he continued massaging Andy’s chest. When he rolled Andy’s nipple between his fingers, Andy started squirming uncontrollably. Andy’s hardness was pulsing between them. Pete wanted to feel it, wanted to touch it.

“Take off your jeans,” Andy said in a gruff voice full of lust. His hands gave an emphatic tug on Pete’s jeans, indicating he couldn’t get them off unless Pete shifted his hips.

“What if I don’t feel like taking off my jeans?” Pete asked pinning Andy’s wrists. He stared deep into Andy’s eyes, which were still clouded over.

“What?” Andy asked blinking, his chest heaving as he breathed. Although Andy’s tan chest was tempting to look at, Pete maintained eye contact.

“What if I didn’t want to go any further?” Pete threw out curiously.

Andy blinked some more, as if processing the question. His breathing calmed down. He appeared more focused. “Then we’d stop,” Andy answered firmly. “No question. You say stop, we stop. End of story.” Andy stared into Pete’s eyes. They silently communicated.

Pete broke into a genuine smile. He climbed onto the other side of the bed and shimmied off his jeans and boxers in one swoop. Then he rolled on top of Andy once again. “Your turn,” he said, his fingers grabbing at Andy’s boxers.

“Uh-huh, okay,” Andy breathed, his eyes closed as he lifted his ass off the bed. In one quick motion, the boxers were now lying on the floor and Pete’s hands slid up Andy’s muscular thighs, gently parting them. He blew on the head of Andy’s cock where a small drop of precum formed. Andy shivered and bit his lip.

Pete wanted to feel their bodies up against each other, so he slid back up until almost every part of them were touching: their chests, their legs, their lips, their cocks. Pete kissed Andy slowly and gently, taking his time, wanting this to last.

Andy’s hands stroked Pete’s back, up and down, with the softest of touches. It felt featherlike and tickled Pete. Pete had a smile on his mouth as he kissed Andy, sucking and pulling teasingly on Andy’s lips.

“You’re killing me,” Andy sighed against Pete’s mouth. Pete started thrusting against Andy, their hot bodies creating heat, creating friction, sweating forming.

Andy groaned. “God, Pete.” Andy started lifting his hips, meeting Pete’s thrusts, complimenting Pete’s thrusts. Their combined precum made their actions slippery, but the sensations were much more intense.

Andy clenched his jaw and a low growl escaped from his lips. “I’m gonna…”

Pete panted into Andy’s shoulder, slowly licking it, feeling the burning heat on his tongue. Andy let out a whimper. His hips churned faster in desperation.

Pete squeezed his eyes shut and ground his teeth. “Oh God. Andy. I’m gonna, I’m so close.”

Andy’s fist closed around Pete’s hair. He mashed their mouths together, kissing deeply, saliva covering their lips as they frantically rushed to the edge.

Andy came first, digging his head into the pillow, tensing and letting out a loud groan into Pete’s mouth. His grip on Pete’s hair tightened, and Pete worried he might end up with a bald spot. Andy’s load was hot and thick. It coated Pete’s crotch, triggering his own release.

Letting out garbled choke, he managed to pry his lips away from Andy’s. He took in gasps of air as his eyes rolled back and he fisted the pillow behind Andy’s head. He bit his lip in an effort to be quiet, but his moans could be heard against his own ears.

“Shit. Fuuccckk.” His load joined Andy’s and he could feel the sticky mess between their bodies.

Panting and chests heaving, their pleasure slowly ebbed away, until they were left feeling sated. Pete licked the drops of sweat off Andy’s chest while Andy’s fingers danced up and down Pete’s damp back. Simultaneously they let out sighs of contentment.

Pete started laughing and Andy soon followed.

“By the way, welcome back,” Andy said between tired chuckles.

Pete pinched Andy’s arm. Then he became serious, rubbing lazy circles on Andy’s chest. “That was amazing. We didn’t do much, but it felt amazing,” he said quietly. “I didn’t know it could be that way.” His voice was thoughtful.

Andy didn’t say anything as he caressed Pete’s hair.

“I’ve known sex and pleasure, I’ve known sex and pain, but I’ve never felt connected like I did just now,” Pete finished softly. “For once my head was there. I wasn’t going through the motions. I wanted to be here. With you.”

“I’m glad,” Andy whispered.

They were silent after that, touching one another, feeling comfortable and safe with one another. Slowly their actions ceased and their eyelids fluttered as sleep started to overcome them. Both men were exhausted. Pete had been wandering the city and hadn’t slept. Andy had been so worried about Pete that he tossed and turned for hours, checking his clock every five minutes. Neither of them even bothered to clean up. They’d deal with the mess in the morning.

“Pete?” Andy breathed. The rain had started up again and for a second he listened to the gentle pitter patter on the roof. It was calming.

“Hmm?”

“Don’t ever leave me again.”

Pete kissed Andy’s neck and snuggled in closer. “I didn’t want to leave; it was just instinct.”

“Don’t leave me,” Andy stated. Pete heard the vulnerability. Pete opened his mouth to respond, but Andy cut him off. “Neither of us know what will happen in the future or how this relationship or whatever will progress. But,” his voice faltered for a second.

“But I do know that I need you. And you need me. So whatever happens between us, friends or more, just don’t leave me.” There was an urgent sense of need in Andy’s voice and it made Pete feel warm inside.

Pete knew it was too early to be thinking of love, but he couldn’t help wondering if this is what it felt like to be loved. It was a new feeling, having someone else care for him.

Suddenly, Pete was flooded with guilt. He didn’t deserve Andy’s care and support, not when Pete had been lying to him. He blew out a troubled breath.

“Pete?”

“Andy,” Pete began in a shaky voice. “I have something to tell you…”

Andy tensed at the fear in Pete’s voice. “What? What is it?”

Pete paused, and rolled away from Andy. It pained him to turn away from Andy, but in order to get the words out he needed a little barrier between them.

Andy frowned, staring at Pete’s back.

“Don’t interrupt, okay?” Pete asked quietly. “I just want to say it, and if you interrupt, I’ll lose my nerve.”

“I promise,” Andy said, his curiosity eating at him.

Pete took a deep breath and told Andy everything. He told Andy about Dean, his ex-roommate, working at his restaurant. He told Andy how he had walked out once Dean recognized him. He talked about Charles and his proposition. He told Andy about their regular meetings in a hotel. He couldn’t stop talking. He couldn’t keep the shame and tears from his voice.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, Andy. I’m sorry for lying to you. You deserve better from me, but I was so scared. I felt so trapped and hopeless. I was so ashamed. I hated that I was so weak. I didn’t want her to be right, but she’s right. I’m exactly what she said I was. A useless fag. Fuck,” Pete whispered sadly. “I failed again. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, but after tonight…” he trailed off. He sniffled. He had one more thing to ask. “Help me, Andy. Please, I need help,” he choked. “Help me.”

Andy processed all this, managing to control any potential outbursts. He took a couple deep breaths to keep his voice even, not wanting to upset Pete further. Andy was so angry. He was angry at Pete. He was angry at Charles. He was angry at Pete’s mother. He was angry at himself for not doing more to help Pete.

“We’re going to figure this out,” Andy stated confidently, knowing that somehow he would come up with a solution. He would find a way.

Pete turned over slowly, his eyes curious and skeptical, yet full of hope.

“Bottom line: you’re not seeing that guy again. Ever. I’ll make sure of that,” Andy said, his mind racing with ideas.

Pete felt tears welling in his eyes. He believed Andy. It wasn’t just the conviction in Andy’s voice, but it was the fire and passion in his eyes that really made Pete believe.

“Thank you, Andy.”

Andy’s hard expression softened. “No more thinking. No more talking. Now we sleep.” He smiled gently. He reached out and pulled Pete closer, hugging him around his stomach. Pete sank into the embrace, relief spreading throughout his entire body.

Slowly the tension dissipated. They both drifted off to sleep, soothed by the other’s warmth and promises.

******

“You and Daddy fight?” Jordan asked curiously.

Pete stopped pouring milk into Jordan’s bowl and stared at the little boy, remembering how much noise he and Andy had made. They had been arguing, slamming doors, and the other stuff, Pete wondered how much the boy had heard.

“Uh,” Pete paused, trying to think fast as Jordan’s big innocent eyes bore into him.

“Morning sweetheart,” Andy said emerging from the shower, crouching down to kiss Jordan’s head.

Pete sighed in relief. Pete finished pouring Jordan’s milk and then started shaking some cereal into the bowl. “Jordan was asking how our fight went last night,” Pete said casually as he handed Jordan a spoon.

“Our fight?” Andy asked coloring.

“You make up?” Jordan asked shoveling cereal into his mouth. “You yell and cry.”

Pete smothered a snicker as Andy flushed a deeper shade of red. Andy’s eyes darted in Pete’s direction, glaring at him. Pete made an angelic expression and turned to get his own breakfast ready.

“Yeah, we made up,” Andy said rubbing Jordan’s head.

“Good,” Jordan said cheerfully swinging his legs. He continued eating his cereal, his mind no longer on the subject.

Andy looked at Pete with a hint of annoyance. He tried to look stern but Pete saw the slight curve of Andy’s lips and knew things were okay between them.

“What are you and Jordan doing today?” Pete asked with a small smile.

“Playground. Right Jordan?”

Jordan nodded enthusiastically, a marshmallow stuck to his chin. “Wanna come?”

Pete looked at Andy who nodded in agreement. “How about I meet you there? I have some arrangements I need to make.”

“Okay!” Jordan exclaimed happily. “We ride swings together?”

Pete squeezed Jordan’s small hand. “Definitely.”

“What arrangements?” Andy asked curiously and a little worriedly.

Pete smiled reassuringly when he noticed Andy’s body tensing. “I did some thinking last night. I’m going to make a trip home,” he said softly.

Andy’s eyes widened. “Really?” The concern on Andy’s face increased. “Are you sure?”

Pete could understand where Andy’s worry was coming from. This morning he had had some sort of epiphany. He realized he couldn’t be afraid forever. Maybe if he went to his mother’s funeral, to his old home, he could get closure. Then he could finally move on with his life. It was worth a shot.

Then there was Jacob. His baby brother Jacob.

Jacob asked him to come home. Pete wanted to see his brother. He was scared to face Jacob and answer the inevitable questions, but he knew that it was time to stop hiding and face his fears. It was something he had always known, but didn’t want to accept.

“No,” Pete said quietly. “I’m not sure, but I have to do it anyway. It’s the only way…” he didn’t finish his sentence.

Later that day before he met Andy and Jordan at the park, he was checking out flights on Andy’s laptop. His leg was bouncing up and down nervously. He knew he shouldn’t book anything without letting Jacob know. Although, he could just surprise Jacob and show up. Jacob had written down the information of their mother’s wake and funeral. But shouldn’t Jacob have some advance warning? Maybe Pete and Jacob should talk beforehand.

Pete sighed and rubbed his head, a dull ache forming in his temple. “Just do it,” he murmured. Fiddling with the cord of the phone, he slowly dialed the number from memory. His heart pounding loudly, his palms sweating, his eyes staring at the toaster in an effort to relax, he listened to the rings.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

‘He’s not home,’ Pete thought in relief. He pulled the phone away from his ear, about to hang up when he heard the familiar yet unfamiliar voice. It was Jacob, but an older Jacob with a deeper voice. Tears came unexpectedly to Pete’s eyes.

“Hello?”

Pete didn’t have the guts to say anything. His mouth opened several times, but no sound came out.

“Hello?” Jacob went on curiously. “Hello?” he asked again, the annoyance creeping in.

Pete quickly hung up. His heart was still racing and when he rubbed his forehead, moisture came back on his fingertips. “Shit, Pete. Relax. It’s Jacob. You can talk to him. Come on. You can do it. Stop being such a baby.” Steeling himself, he quickly redialed the home number.

This time it was answered on the first ring. “Hello?” the voice snapped in irritation. Again Pete couldn’t speak. “Listen asshole, if you’re not gonna say anything, stop calling me. I’m busy with a lot of personal shit right now and you’re wasting my…”

“Jacob?” Pete croaked out weakly, his fingers clenching the kitchen table.

There was silence. Then a soft incredulous voice. “Pete?”

That caused the dam to break. Pete was spewing out words before he knew it.

“Jacob, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I left and didn’t say anything. I’m sorry I haven’t been back home. I’m sorry for not giving you my phone number or address, but I was really scared and messed up. You wouldn’t have wanted to see me in that state. Just forgive me. I have so much to tell you,” Pete rambled with tears in his eyes. “You don’t know everything, so please don’t be mad. Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry…”

Jacob’s voice was full of confusion, but Pete also heard the underlying concern. “Pete,” Jacob interrupted. “Pete, are you coming home?” There was hope in his voice and although Pete was scared of confronting his old home and the memories, he knew he couldn’t deny Jacob. After all, their mother had died and he should be there, at least to support Jacob.

“I’m coming home.”

Pete had left when Jacob was just a boy. Now Jacob was a man. Pete wanted to see for himself how Jacob had turned out, how he was doing, how he had managed all those years. Jacob sounded good on the phone, so maybe the years had been kind to him. Part of Pete was relieved and he felt some of his stubborn guilt receding.

A sense of dread filled him. Jacob was old enough now; he deserved to know everything. It was time to tell Jacob the truth.

“I’ve missed you, Pete. I have so many things to ask you…”

Pete sighed, his shoulders relaxing when he didn’t hear any trace of anger or bitterness in his brother’s voice. He only heard understanding and compassion. Then a wave of fear washed over him. Did that mean Jacob knew something? Knew more than he ever let on? That thought sickened Pete.

“Pete?” The worry was evident in Jacob’s voice and for a second, he sounded like the little kid Pete remembered. “You still there?”

If Jacob did know about Pete and what he had done, there was no hate or malice in Jacob’s voice. Jacob genuinely wanted to see him. That was a good sign. At least Pete would have a chance to explain himself. A sliver of hope made its way into Pete’s heart.

“I’m still here,” Pete said roughly as he tried to keep the emotion out of his voice. “I’m still here,” he whispered to himself, suddenly feeling a burst of strength and courage. “I’ve missed you, too, Jacob.” He took a depth breath. “I have so much to tell you…”