No Fairytale World - 5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

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“Andrew, are you really happy this way?”

Andy fought back the burn of irritation that threatened to spew from his throat. It wasn’t her question that really bothered him, but the way she emphasized ‘this’.

“Mom, I did not choose this,” he said in a controlled tone. “Do you really think if I had a choice, I would choose to be away from Susan, Jordan, and to have everyone talking about me and looking at me differently? Seriously, Mom? Is it likely?” He couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

She paused and Andy was afraid he had hurt her feelings. Just as he was about to apologize, she spoke. “No,” she said softly. “No, I suppose not.”

They were both silent. Andy honestly had no idea what to say. He opened his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. He was stumped.

“Andrew, are you happier this way? Are you happier in spite of everything?”

Andy smiled at the rephrasing of her new question. It sounded less judgmental and more like the caring mother he had always remembered. Maybe she was coming around, albeit slowly.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He realized it was longer than he normally liked it and he needed a haircut. “Truthfully Mom, even if I’m working a job that pays a third of what I used to make; I have a grumpy roommate; Susan is barely speaking with me; and I only see Jordan on weekends; yes, I’m still happier this way. Or I will be, once things start to settle down, whenever that will be. Once Susan stops hating me, I guess,” he rambled.

“I don’t have much of a life now, but Mark is a good, supportive friend, and I do miss Jordan. Ok, honestly Mom, I don’t know for sure how I’m doing, but for once, I don’t have that burden of a huge lie over my shoulders. My life is still pretty bad right now, but I have this sense of freedom that I’ve never had before.”

She was silent and for a second he wondered if she had hung up. “Mom?”

“I can hear it in your voice,” she said softly.

“Hear what?” Andy asked in confusion.

“The relief, the happiness, the freedom,” she said sounding almost sad. “I guess this is the way it’s going to be from now on.”

Andy detected a question in her voice. “What way?”

“You,” she hesitated. “With men?”

Andy laughed. “They’re not exactly lining up, Mom. Don’t worry, if and when the time comes, I’ll do my best to ease you into it. In any case, that’s not my main focus right now. I just want to stop feeling so crummy,” he groaned.

“Andrew,” his mother began. “A while ago, when we had dinner and I yelled at you…”

“Mom.”

“No, let me finish. I shouldn’t have said all that. I was confused and hurt. I lashed out without considering your feelings. I didn’t mean it, well not all of it. I still love you, you know that, right?”

He smiled. “Of course, Mom. I love you too. I’ll always be your son.”

“I know,” she paused. “I know,” she repeated. “I just lost sight of that, you know? You became a person I didn’t know anymore; but the more I think about it and the more your father explains it to me, I see you’re still the same son. I still know your favorite foods and the things you’ll say before you say them.”

Andy smiled. “I am the same. I just like…”

“I understand,” she said quickly. Then she apologized. “Sorry, honey, I guess I still need more time.”

He sighed, but chuckled. “That seems to be a common theme going around, but no worries. I get it. Time heals all wounds.”

“Yes, yes I suppose it will,” his mother mused. “But I’ll come around. I will.” She sounded determined. Andy couldn’t suppress a quiet laugh.

“That makes me really happy, Mom. I see you’ve set your mind on this.”

She laughed as well. “I have. It’s not so bad. More people are gay these days. Did you know Allison Kearney’s daughter is bisexual and her son is gay?” she asked incredulously. “I had no idea.”

“We don’t wear signs on our foreheads, Mom. It’s not something we want to broadcast. People are such narrow-minded little shits.”

“Andrew.”

“Sorry. How did you find out about the Kearneys?”

“Allison noticed I was very upset a few weeks back; she sat me down and pulled it out of me. Sorry, Andrew. I didn’t mean to air your business, but I needed someone to talk to, someone besides your father.”

“It’s ok, Mom.”

“She really understood. It was an eye opener when she explained to me how she went through the same shock with her daughter and then later with her son. She said she has an even better relationship with her kids since they came out.”

“Really?”

“Yes. She says they were so moody and secretive. Now everything is open and honest. They come to her and tell her things.” She took a breath. “Andrew, you’ll tell me things from now on, won’t you?”

“Absolutely, Mom. No more hiding. No more lies.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I promise.”

“Good,” she said firmly. “Does this mean you’ll start coming over more often for dinner? I know you’ve been avoiding us,” she said in an accusatory voice.

Oh shit. The guilt trip. Andrew hung his head. “Mom,” he began.

“Andrew,” she said sternly, but everything else she said afterwards didn’t reach his ears. His attention was focused elsewhere.

Pete had just walked into the house. He did not look well.

“Mom. Mom, I have to go. I’ll call you back. We’ll do dinner sometime. Bye, I love you. Say hi to Dad,” he said in a rush, hanging up as his mother was mid-sentence.

Andy stood up. “Pete?”

Pete didn’t answer. He just continued walking to his room, his steps choppy and short. Every once in awhile, his facial muscles tightened, as if he was in pain. His eyes were watery and red, but his cheeks still dry. His normally neat, short hair was messy and tousled. Andy got a bad feeling in his stomach. Something had happened to Pete, he just knew it.

“Pete, what’s wrong?” When Andy tried to grab Pete’s arm, Pete edged away. It was the slightest shift of Pete’s body, but Andy detected the movement right away and frowned.

Finally, Andy jumped in front of Pete. “What happened? You look like,” he hesitated, “Like you got in a fight.” Up close, Pete’s sharp cheekbones were swollen and red. His upper lip was puffier than normal. And those eyes. Those watery, dark eyes.

“Room. I need…to…go…to my room,” Pete whispered nudging Andy away. Andy slipped to the side, but followed Pete into his room. Pete collapsed with a quiet sob. He curled into a fetal position, his shoulders shaking. Pete was murmuring something into his pillow, but it was so low that Andy couldn’t make out the words.

Now Andy was really worried. A cold feeling covered his neck. “Pete?” he whispered.

“Andy, please I need to be alone right now. Can you…can you do that…for me? Please?” Pete’s voice was muffled from tears, from his pillow, from his pain.

“Ok, but if you want to talk…” Andy trailed off; Pete knew the rest of the sentence.

Andy quietly shut Pete’s door, giving him privacy, privacy to get out his pain, even if temporarily.

******

“Pete and I are getting along better these days,” Andy said to Mark as they loaded their plates at the salad bar.

“But?”

“But it’s frustrating,” Andy admitted. “I’ve never met anyone so hot and cold. We talk more. There are less snide comments on his end, but sometimes he shuts down. It’s not that big a deal because we’re only roommates, but why is he like that? What made him that way?”

“Are you sure it’s not a big deal to you?” Mark asked skeptically. “You seem more upset than you’re letting on.”

“I’m not upset,” Andy said defensively. “Just…curious.”

“Right,” Mark drawled out. Andy glared at him. “Sounds like someone has a crush,” Mark giggled. He nearly dropped the ladle of Ranch dressing when Andy nudged him. “Watch it, man. This dressing would stink up my clothes if I got any on me.”

Andy smiled and shook his head, moving further down the salad bar.

“Is he gay?” Mark asked following behind Andy.

“Who? Pete?”

“Who else are we talking about, Sherlock?” Mark snorted.

“How should I know?” Andy asked his mind flashing back to the time he had caught Pete giving a stranger a blowjob. Well, a stranger to Andy. Maybe Pete knew the guy well. Maybe Pete was gay. Who knew anything about Pete? He was always so secretive.

“You live with the guy. Any gay vibes? Gay habits? Gay activities?” Mark wiggled his eyebrows.

Andy couldn’t help it; he started laughing. “What does that mean?”

“You know, gaydar or whatever. Does he groom too much? Does he read gay magazines? Watch gay porn? Gay activities! Come on, what kind of homo are you?”

Andy took a seat across from his friend and glared once again.

“Oh, don’t give me that look. You know I’ve got your back. We have to joke about the situation; otherwise we’d all go insane. If it makes you feel any better, you can make straight jokes and my feelings won’t be hurt. I promise,” Mark stated with a wide grin.

“Your feelings are never hurt. You’re cheerful all the time. You’re not human.”

“Thanks,” Mark quipped. “So, you tried evading my question but you didn’t quite achieve it. So, do you like Pete?”

“Sure, as a friend,” Andy answered quickly. Too quickly, he realized. Mark would pick up on that instantly.

Mark narrowed his eyes. “No attraction whatsoever? You’re not into his dark, brooding, mysterious ways? His tall, dark, and handsome appearance? Michelle’s words, not mine,” he explained.

Andy smiled. “He’s magnetic,” he admitted. “I don’t know what it is. The secrets, maybe? Maybe I’m attracted to the secrets. But he’s smart; I can tell. He’s nice, on his good days. He’s caring and remarkably good with Jordan. There’s just something about him. Do you know what I’m talking about? I can’t explain it, but I get this vibe and it’s not a bad one.”

“What does that mean?” Mark asked in exasperation. “Do you want him or not?”

“Mark!”

“What? It’s a simple yes or no question. Look at you, analyzing stuff like a woman. You’re worse than Michelle.”

“Maybe a little,” Andy said, becoming extremely focused on his salad. When he looked up, Mark was grinning at him. “What?” Andy mumbled his mouth full of food.

“Then I hope Pete is gay, just for you.”

“It doesn’t work that way Mark.”

“Huh?”

“Even if he is gay, it doesn’t mean we’d be good for each other. He obviously has problems and secrets. I have major issues. We both come with so much baggage. We wouldn’t work out,” Andy said seriously.

“None of that defeatist attitude.” Mark waved his hand. “How would you know unless you try?”

“Mark, that’s like you entering a relationship with a woman who has three kids from three different fathers. Would you want to hit that?” Andy asked.

“Depends how hot she is,” Mark grinned. Andy rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine, I sort of see your point, but that doesn’t mean there is no chance whatsoever with you and Pete, that is, if he is gay. You both have baggage and issues, but maybe you can help heal one another. Yin to the yang or whatever.”

“Yin to the yang?”

“Yeah. Both of you know pain. You can understand one another in a way that no one else can. However, there is one important element is missing.”

“What’s that?”

“Whether he’s gay or not. Go ask him.”

“No way! That’s not something you ask someone!” Andy protested.

“How are you going to find out then?”

“I’m not. If he is gay, he can tell me.”

“Pussy.”

“Shut up.”

“How about you tell him first?”

“No way!”

“Pussy!”

“Mark…”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out,” Mark said charmingly.

******

“You hurt,” Jordan stated running his chubby little finger down Pete’s cheek. “Boo-boo gone.” Jordan kissed Pete’s cheek with a loud smack.

“Jordan,” Andy said looking over at Pete apologetically as he attempted to wrap his hands around Jordan’s waist to pull him off Pete’s lap.

As soon as Jordan had seen Pete, he had run to him. Andy wasn’t quite sure whether or not Pete was back to his normal self. Pete was still a little off. Maybe he didn’t want to deal with a small kid in his face. There were days when even Andy didn’t feel like dealing with Jordan.

“It’s ok,” Pete said quietly, waving away Andy’s hands. The bruise on his cheek had become a light purple shade. Other than that, he appeared fine. Except for the troubled look in his eyes.

“I’m fine,” Pete said running his fingers through Jordan’s blond hair. “I feel better because of you.”

“Me?” Jordan asked in surprise, pointing at himself.

Pete smiled genuinely. “You’re so cute you cheer me up.” He bounced Jordan. Jordan squealed and laughed. Pete gazed at Jordan with a faraway look in his eyes. “Andy?”

“Yeah?”

“You’d love Jordan no matter what, right?”

Andy frowned. “Of course.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Yes,” Andy said seriously.

“What if he turned out to be…?” Pete trailed off.

“What?” Andy asked, his curiosity piqued.

“Not what you expected,” Pete finished.

“In what way?”

“In general. Would you still love him unconditionally?”

“Absolutely.”

“How can you be so sure?” Pete asked looking sad.

“Because Jordan is my son. My own flesh and blood. Nothing will change that. Not even if he murdered someone, which I really hope he doesn’t,” Andy joked weakly. He kissed Jordan’s head.

“Not all parents feel that way,” Pete said.

Andy stared at him. “No,” he said quietly. “No, they don’t. But they should.”

“Jordan is lucky,” Pete said meeting Andy’s eyes. “He will never be abandoned for something he can’t change.”

Taking Jordan from Pete’s arms, Andy looked worriedly at Pete. “Do you want to talk?” he asked gently.

Pete hung his head. “No,” he choked out. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Andy asked crouching down to Pete’s eye level. “Why can’t you tell me? Nothing could be that bad.”

“It is.”

“Who hurt you yesterday?” Andy asked in a firmer voice. “Who did that to you?” He indicated the light bruises.

Pete avoided his eyes and didn’t answer.

“What are you afraid of, Pete?” Andy asked moving his face closer. “You’re not afraid of anything.”

Pete’s lips curled slightly. “I am.”

“What is it?”

“I’m afraid of you.” Pete’s eyes were dark and full of emotion.

Andy was taken aback. “Me? Why?” he nearly squeaked.

Pete shook his head. “I don’t even know,” he muttered.

Andy frowned and cocked his head. “I don’t understand. I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Not intentionally.”

“Pete,” Andy groaned in frustration.

“You’d hurt me if you acted like my mother,” Pete said vaguely. “Or like the others,” he whispered cryptically. “I couldn’t stand it if you acted like everyone else,” he finished with tears in his eyes.

Andy blinked in confusion.

“Enjoy your time with Jordan,” Pete said softly before retreating to his room and shutting the door quietly.

“Did you get that?” Andy asked Jordan pressing their faces close. Jordan looked at him with wide eyes and didn’t answer. Andy hugged Jordan to his chest tightly as he stared at Pete’s door. “The mystery never ends,” he murmured.

******

“I got served,” Andy announced as he and Mark got out of Andy’s car.

“What does that mean?”

“Divorce papers,” Andy explained.

“Oh.”

“I saw it coming, so it wasn’t a huge blow. But after I sign them, it’s official. I’m divorced and gay.”

“Congratulations!” Mark grinned. “High-five!”

Andy stared at him.

“Come on man, don’t leave me hanging!”

Andy slapped his hand and Mark laughed. “We need to celebrate your freedom.”

“This isn’t the most joyous occasion you know. In fact, everyone is more hurt and sad than anything.”

Mark waved his hand. “Look at the bright side, man. You’re free! Your real life begins! This is exciting! I say hit up those gay bars and get your gay ass out there! Literally!”

Andy laughed hard at his friend. “You should have been a motivational speaker. You seriously missed your calling.”

Mark shrugged and followed Andy inside the house, walking up the stairs to the first level. He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by yelling.

They looked at each other.

“What the fuck?” Mark asked as Andy hurriedly unlocked the door. They pushed their way inside and searched for the source of the noise.

“Pete,” Andy said barreling into the room, panic rising in his throat. “Pete!” Andy stopped short and Mark barreled into him, causing him to stumble slightly.

Mark gasped. “Holy fuck!”

Andy’s mouth just hung open.

Pete turned to face them, his mouth open in a silent scream, tears covering his face. Even if no sound came from his mouth, Andy heard it loud and clear. Pete’s cry for help. The silent plea was louder than the slapping sounds of flesh, louder than the man’s grunts as he slammed brutally into Pete, louder than the bed shaking.

The man didn’t notice them. Or if he did, he kept on thrusting into Pete. Andy and Mark were momentarily stunned and couldn’t move. When Andy looked at Pete’s face again, he finally snapped out of his stupor.

Moving forward quickly, Andy felt Mark at his heels. “Get the fuck off him,” Andy growled in a low tone, feeling a surge of adrenaline. Luckily, he was a few inches taller than the stranger pounding into Pete. Andy easily grabbed the guy by the shoulders, yanked him out of Pete, and threw him roughly to the ground.

“Mark,” Andy said.

“I got it,” Mark assured him, stomping his foot on the man’s chest. The man let out a groan of pain. “Don’t move or I’ll kick you. I used to play soccer in college,” Mark warned, poising his food near the man’s crotch. The man went still.

Andy shook his head and returned his focus to Pete whose face was burrowed in the pillows. He wouldn’t look at Andy.

“Pete?” Andy said gently. “Pete.” He placed his hand on Pete’s shoulder. It was cold and shaking. “What do I do?” Andy asked Mark, totally at a loss. “What should I do?” he shouted at Mark, in panic.

Mark blinked and looked around. “Ok, ok,” he said. “Give me a minute.” He licked his lips. “Ok, I got it. First we get rid of this guy. Then we take Pete to the hospital.”

“No hospital,” Pete whimpered. “Please, no hospital.”

“Hospital? He offered it. I paid for this,” the man shouted angrily. “Don’t be fooled by his crying. He liked it, just like all the whores do. He certainly liked it the last time, didn’t you boy? He likes it rough!”

Mark turned to Andy, but Andy’s eyes were on Pete. Pete wouldn’t look at him, but Andy could feel the shame radiating off of him.

“Just get him out,” Andy told Mark quietly as he remained seated beside Pete, gently covering Pete’s naked body with the blankets. “Just get him out of here.”

******

“Mark, I’ll talk with him,” Andy assured his friend who was freaking out.

“Fuck, is he running a hustling business out of my house? What the fuck!” Mark hissed running his fingers through his hair frantically. “Did you know about this?” he demanded, looking at Andy angrily.

“No,” Andy said, instantly feeling a twinge of guilt. Technically he hadn’t known; but he had suspected.

“Oh my god,” Mark breathed. “What will I tell Michelle?”

“Don’t tell her anything,” Andy said quickly.

“What? I have to.”

“No, you don’t. We don’t know all the facts or the whole story. Don’t taint her friendship with Pete,” Andy argued. “I’ll talk to him.”

“He can’t live here anymore. Not doing, doing, that!” Mark exclaimed. “That’s sick!”

“Mark, calm down,” Andy said glancing at the bathroom door where Pete was showering. “Please, let me talk to him and find out the story. He’s just a kid. You can’t kick him out. Where will he go? His situation might be even worse if we leave him out in the cold. Don’t do that.”

Mark look conflicted and bit his lip as he paced. “Fine.” He looked up at me. “But if he plans on doing this again and on a regular basis, he is out of here! I am not allowing that in my house!”

“Ok. Yeah, that makes sense,” Andy said grabbing Mark’s arm and leading him to the door. “I’ll talk to him and let you know, ok? Don’t say anything to Michelle, ok?”

Mark nodded looking distracted. “Bye. Call me later.” Then he was gone.

Andy took a deep breath and steeled himself. As much as Pete didn’t want to talk about himself, he was going to have to explain a few things; otherwise Pete would be homeless or living somewhere else, paying rent God knows how. Andy shivered at the thought.

Andy waited patiently in Pete’s room while Pete showered. He was anxious. Anxious for the truth.

Andy glanced at his watch. “Long shower,” he murmured, although he understood why. He was about to check on Pete when Pete shuffled slowly into the room, stopping short when he caught sight of Andy.

The sight of Pete broke Andy’s heart. His shoulders were hunched, his eyes haunted and full of distrust, his skin pale and wet from the shower.

“Andy…”

“Pete, remember when I said you could talk to me about your past when you were ready?” Andy didn’t wait for an answer. “Well, Pete, time’s up.”

Pete looked up.

“I need to know what’s going on. Mark wants to kick you out,” Andy said bluntly.

Pete’s eyes widened and his face seemed to crumble. He walked the remaining few steps to the bed and collapsed on top of it on his back, his hands covering his face. Andy watched from the desk chair. Pete was murmuring something, but Andy couldn’t make out what.

Andy moved closer, cautiously taking a seat beside Pete’s strewn out body. Andy was afraid to touch him. Finally, he understood what Pete was saying.

“Where do I begin? Where do I begin?”

Andy lay down beside Pete and took Pete’s hands. Pete slowly turned to Andy with tears in his eyes.

“That’s easy,” Andy whispered to him. “You start from the beginning, silly.”

That got a small smile from Pete. “Ok. Ok.” He seemed to resolve something within himself. “Ok.”

Andy intertwined their fingers. Pete stared at their joined hands seemingly in awe. Pete looked up and their eyes met. Andy could see the innocent child in that one look.

It was Andy’s turn to stare at their hands. Pete’s fingers were considerably bonier than Andy’s. Pete’s fingers were slender and elegant looking, as if they were made to play the piano. “I promise to listen and not interrupt,” Andy whispered. “I’ll be right here. I won’t go anywhere.”

“Ok, from the beginning.” Pete took a deep breath. “From the beginning.”

Thanks Frances for editing! And a special thanks to my beta-readers.