No Fairytale World - 9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

---------------------------------------------

Pete woke up feeling tickled. He groggily opened his eyes and rubbed them as he let out a sleepy sigh. Humming, he looked over and saw Andy curled into him, his blond hair resting on Pete’s neck and shoulder. That was why he was feeling tickled.

The covers were bunched around Andy’s shoulders. An idea occurred to Pete. Gingerly, he lifted the covers off Andy. Andy shivered slightly and shifted closer to Pete. Pete smiled as his eyes traveled down Andy’s muscular torso and defined abs with the light dusting of blond hair. He eyed the tent in Andy’s boxers.

Pete smothered a giggle. It was fun perving on Andy, even if Andy wasn’t completely naked. Maybe one day Pete would try to spy on Andy in the shower. As for now, he had to go to work.

“It never ends,” he sighed as he left the bed, immediately missing the warmth of it and Andy’s body heat. Glancing at the bed he saw Andy move around, before falling asleep again, mumbling. Strands of blond hair stuck up under the covers.

Pete got dressed quickly, throwing on a slightly wrinkled and possibly dirty pair of khakis and a black polo shirt. Then he added on a sweatshirt and his coat before slipping on his clunky loafers. After he brushed his teeth, he was about to bolt out the door; he was already cutting it close.

At the last minute he ran into his room and kissed Andy’s lips. They were soft and warm, contrasting the cold morning air of December. “Bye Sleeping Beauty,” he whispered, more to himself than to Andy. Andy kept on sleeping.

Pete stared a second longer, then cursed his own cheesiness and quickly left. He had to shake off those sappy feelings. It wouldn’t get him anywhere.

******

“God, it was awful, Andy. Everyone was looking at me like I was some pathetic loser! She couldn’t make her marriage work. Her husband left her. It will only be a matter of time before they find out why you left me!” Susan went on as she cleaned up the kitchen.

Andy looked at her helplessly. He was getting a holiday dose of guilt.

“No, there was no way I could tell them that we’re getting a divorce because you suddenly like guys!” she ranted loudly. “Imagine their faces then? I wouldn’t be able to face them!” Her face crumbled and tears formed in her eyes. “All night long,” she cried, “I got pity looks and pity pats on the back. How could I ever be happy and cheerful when everyone is secretly talking about me behind my back? Poor Susan, no husband. Poor Susan, a single mother. I’m a laughingstock!”

Andy didn’t know what to say to that. He was afraid that he’d only make her angrier.

“How I ever thought it could be okay was beyond me! I couldn’t even enjoy the holidays. Will I ever? All I wanted was to have a good time, like we always did, but, but,” she sputtered. “The past five years we spent Christmas together, with Jordan. Without you, it felt so different, so lonely.”

Andy felt his own eyes getting wet. “Listen Susan,” he began coarsely. “I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but things will get better. It was hard for me too…”

“Hard for you?” she yelled. “You’re the one that gave up!”

“Gave up?” Andy shouted, getting angry himself. “You think I gave up our marriage for something better? Do I look happy to you, huh? I didn’t even get to see my son on Christmas Day. I know you’re unhappy and I’m sorry, but don’t go thinking for one minute that I’m happy and carefree over the situation.”

“It was your choice…”

It was his turn to interrupt. “Get one thing straight, Susan,” his teeth were clenched. “This is not a choice. I made my choice to play it straight a long time ago and it hurt a lot of people in the process. I should never have gotten married, but I don’t regret it completely because then we wouldn’t have Jordan. And I love Jordan.”

Susan stared at him, her eyes red.

“Susan, I will never forgive myself for that, for hurting you, for hurting my parents, for hurting Jordan, but it’s not a choice. I can’t help who I am!”

Susan didn’t say anything. She continued to stare at him, her lips trembling, her eyes watering.

“It doesn’t seem like it now, but things will get better. I couldn’t keep living a lie, Susan. I would only make you and Jordan miserable. Now, I can be a better father. You can find someone better,” Andy swallowed hard. “Someone that will truly make you happy.”

She wiped her eyes hastily. “Jordan!” she called out. “Come down here!” Her voice was shrill.

Jordan walked slowly down the stairs, his eyes peeking cautiously at them, obviously having heard their loud fight. He had his book bag on his back and he appeared a bit scared. His small legs clumsily descended the steps.

Andy crouched and opened his arms. “Hey, baby. Come here. Daddy missed you.”

Jordan smiled slightly and ran over. Andy hugged him tightly, kissing the top of his head before lifting him in his arms. “I missed you so much.” Jordan didn’t answer, but his arms were clutching Andy’s neck. “I’m sorry, baby. We’re going to have fun today. I promise.”

It pained Andy to have Jordan witness their fighting and emotional outbursts. That was not fair to a small child. That familiar guilt crept into his stomach, eating his insides, burning them up. Andy bounced Jordan gently in his arms, hoping to soothe the small child. He thought of his own parents, who were still happily married today. He couldn’t help feeling like a failure. Now Jordan would suffer because of his failure. Andy bit his lip until he started to taste blood.

He looked at Susan. He didn’t have any words to say, at least words he hadn’t already said. He apologized with his eyes.

Susan looked away and nodded at the front door. Andy left without a word.

******

“Hiya, Pete!”

Pete turned from the drink he was stirring and made eye contact with a pair of beautiful blue eyes. Those eyes were smiling at him. “Hey, Jordan. How was your Christmas? Get lots of presents?”

Jordan smiled widely. “Uh-huh! Daddy buy me bear!” He held up a bag with a stuffed bear head sticking out of it.

“Cool,” Pete answered enthusiastically. He handed the customer her drink and his eyes shifted to Andy. Although Andy was smiling, his eyes looked tired and troubled. Pete’s smiled faltered slightly. “You okay?” he asked softly.

“Rough morning,” Andy sighed. “But I’m good. I have this little guy.” He rubbed Jordan’s stomach causing Jordan to squirm and laugh. “He keeps me going.” Andy was smiling, but there was a serious look in his eyes.

“You guys want anything?” Pete asked changing the subject.

“That!” Jordan exclaimed excitedly, his small finger jabbing the glass, pointing at a chocolate chip cookie.

“What the boss said,” Andy said smiling. “I’ll have a large cup of coffee. And a hot chocolate for Jordan.”

“Whipped cream!” Jordan reminded, poking Andy’s shoulder.

“With whipped cream,” Andy repeated, rubbing Jordan’s head through his hat.

“Coming right up,” Pete said as he moved behind the counter, getting the necessary items.

Angela sidled up to him and caught his eye. She smiled mischievously. “Same hottie again?”

“Shut up,” Pete muttered. “He’s my roommate.”

Angela hummed sarcastically, but her attention was drawn away by the growing line of customers. Pete got Andy’s coffee and Jordan’s hot chocolate ready, putting extra whip cream, watching Jordan’s eyes light up. Then he added some chocolate syrup to the top and Jordan laughed in delight. Pete smiled and grabbed Jordan’s cookie. “Here you go. What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Ice skating at Rockefeller,” Andy said. “Then more shopping and walking around and stuffing our faces with junk food, right buddy?”

“Right,” Jordan said happily, chocolate smeared on his lips.

“You could go to Bryant Park. It’s free,” Pete suggested.

“Yeah, but the big tree isn’t there,” Andy said. Pete laughed at Andy’s whiny tone.

“Fair enough,” Pete said. “I’ve never been ice skating there, but I do like looking at that giant tree,” he grinned.

They nodded and stared at one another before Pete heard an irritated sigh from a customer behind Andy.

“We should go,” Andy said. “I want to do as many things as possible rather than sitting at home wallowing.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll see you tonight? At home?”

Pete couldn’t help grinning. Home. Their home. ‘Alright, stop grinning like some girl’ he chastised himself. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

Andy waved. Jordan was too engrossed in his hot chocolate and cookie to care about manners.

Pete was nudged. He looked over and found Angela grinning up at him. “Just a roommate, huh?” she smirked.

He nudged her back. “Yeah, just a roommate.”

“Was there some vibe from him?” she asked curiously. “I swear he was making the eyes at you, too.”

“The eyes?”

“Googly eyes. Lovey dovey eyes,” she teased.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Pete protested.

“Maybe not, but I do have eyes and the power of sight,” Angela laughed. “And there was definitely something going on.”

“I have no shot. He has a kid,” Pete said, although as he said the words, he didn’t entirely believe them himself.

Sure, Andy was bisexual, perhaps leaning towards men, but that didn’t necessarily mean Pete had a chance. Things had never worked out for him in the past and he wasn’t going to get all hopeful, only to be let down. Plus, Andy’s divorce wasn’t final and who knows when Andy would be ready for a relationship.

Pete was definitely attracted to Andy, but nothing could come of it. Pete was just too messed up for a good guy like Andy. He came with too much baggage. And Pete knew that he would always be this way, no matter how hard he tried. When Charles had approached him, Pete had once again proven that he was a failure. Why should Andy have to deal with Pete’s problems, as well as his own?

“Trust me; we’re roommates and good friends. That’s it.”

Angela frowned, her smile fading as she detected the sadness in his voice. “Pete, are you okay?”

“Maybe one day I will be,” he answered, shrugging off the despair that clawed at his insides. “But probably not.”

Angela blinked in confusion, trying to understand the deeper meaning behind his words.

Pete cleared his throat, squaring his shoulders. “Let’s get back to work.” He grabbed a wet rag and busied himself with cleaning the countertop. Angela studied him for a few seconds before doing the same.

******

“Right on time,” Charles laughed. “I love punctuality. You’re such a good boy,” he sneered.

Pete ignored him, walking further into the hotel room. He knew the routine by now. Come in, undress, get on the bed, and endure the pain.

“Not in the mood for conversation?” Charles laughed. Pete shot him a look. “Guess not.”

“Can we get this over with?” Pete asked in a monotone.

“Why? Do you have somewhere else to be?” Charles mocked. “Hanging out with that roommate of yours? That blond guy? Or the redhead?”

Pete flushed with guilt at the mention of Andy.

“Sore subject?” Charles snickered. “Fine, let’s get started. Half now, the rest later,” he said, handing Pete a couple of bills. Pete stuffed them into his jean pocket.

Charles crossed his arms, his lips curling. “You know the drill.” He paused for dramatic effect. “Strip.”

Pete’s mind went blank. He robotically took off his clothes while Charles watched with a nasty gleam in his eyes. Part of Pete knew that he should run out the door and end this once and for all. The other part of him felt a sense of belonging, like he was meant to do this, just like Charles and his mother and all the others had said.

“On the bed,” Charles ordered, slapping Pete’s ass. “Hands and knees.” It was Charles’s favorite position.

Pete did as he was told. Seconds later he felt the bed dip with Charles’s weight. He heard the familiar sound of a condom being unwrapped, then the cold glob of lube on his ass. Rough hands grabbed at his hips, the fingertips digging into his flesh.

He bit his lip, bracing himself for the oncoming pain.

******

“Are you seriously sniffing me?” Pete exclaimed as he edged away comically.

Andy laughed, but looked slightly sheepish. “Sorry, but you smell really good. What is that? Peaches?” He sniffed again. “Mangos?”

Pete shrugged and continued watching the lame TV program. “Michelle got a lot of those Bath and Body Works soap baskets and all those lotions, so she gave me some.” He looked over and found Andy staring at him, biting back a laugh. “Don’t laugh!” Pete said as he chuckled. “Men need soap, too. And I smell good. I have you sniffing me, don’t I?”

Andy leaned forward and buried his nose in Pete’s arm and inhaled deeply. “Yeah, you do smell really good,” he sighed. Then he blushed. “Sorry, I’m just some weirdo smelling you now.”

Pete suddenly felt warm, but tried to come off casual. “Nah, it’s okay. I don’t mind. I’ve had worse people smelling me. At least you don’t make my skin crawl.”

There was silence. Pete looked over at Andy. Andy’s smile had dimmed and he looked apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” Andy began.

“About what?” Pete asked, although he had an idea.

“If I reminded you of…”

“Gross guys humping me?” Pete asked with a faint smile.

Andy frowned at Pete’s choice of words.

“Listen Andy, the only way for me to deal with what I did is to joke about it. And I meant what I said: if anyone is going to smell me, I’d want that person to be you.” Pete forced himself to maintain eye contact to show that he was sincere. He allowed a small smile to crack on his lips.

Andy ducked his head and blushed. “Umm, thanks. That’s a, uh, a really nice compliment.”

Pete burst out laughing.

“Shh, Jordan’s sleeping!” Andy hissed quietly.

“Sorry, sorry,” Pete whispered, still giggling. They bumped shoulders. “Here, we’ll call it even,” Pete said as he leaned over and planted his nose on Andy’s shoulder, inhaling deeply. Pete sat up and met Andy’s eyes. “Even.”

Andy’s eyes widened and his lips curved into a smile. “How did I smell? Was it good for you?” He winked.

Pete grinned. “Let me get a second sample.” He leaned over again. He hummed in thought. “You smell like Irish Spring, a little bit like apple juice, and a little bit of Andy.”

Andy laughed. “A little bit of Andy? What does that mean?”

“You have your own unique scent. We all do,” Pete said. “As for your ‘Andy’ smell, I should know; we’ve been sharing the same bed for quite some nights now.” His words had their intended effect. Andy blushed a deep shade.

“Uh, yeah, umm,” Andy stammered.

Pete laughed quietly. “Do you always get this tongue tied? I didn’t imagine you would be this way, blondie.”

Andy’s eyebrows came together. “Hey!” It was a weak protest. “This is new territory for me too, you know.”

“I know, I was just kidding,” Pete drawled out smiling. “Even if you’re a pillow hog, a cover hog, and a bed hog, I still like sharing a bed with you, whenever it does occur.”

Andy smiled, but his head was angled towards the floor. “Um, thanks.”

Pete laughed and shook his head. ‘Full of surprises.’ They sat in comfortable silence, both lost in their thoughts as they pretended to watch the television program.

“I like you.”

The words were spoken so softly, Pete wasn’t sure if he heard them at all. Then he glanced at Andy’s face, which looked a bit guilty. Pete didn’t know why the guilt was there, and although it hurt a bit to see it, he could vaguely understand.

“Me too, Andy.” Pete had grown to like Andy a lot. For the first time since he was thirteen, he walked into a home and actually felt like he had a home, a family, and someone who cared for him without expecting anything in return. It was a beautiful feeling, and although he knew he always wanted it, he never knew how much he craved it until it was right in front of him.

“So now what?” Andy looked nervous and Pete knew for a fact that Andy wasn’t ready for anything, just as much as Pete wasn’t really ready for anything.

Attraction, while it may be fun and exciting, was not always the smartest thing. They weren’t spontaneous and carefree people; they couldn’t act on an impulse anymore. The repercussions would be too great.

Pete smiled sadly, shrugging his shoulders. “If it were under normal circumstances, I’d say we should just have sex and not worry about anything, but we both know we can’t do that. For both of us, there is just too much standing in our way to happiness. I don’t even know what happiness is or means anymore. I don’t know if I ever did. Do you? I’ve been living a life I didn’t want all these years and so have you; both for different reasons, of course. It seems like a long journey to recovery,” Pete said his shoulders sagging.

“And no matter how hard we try to forget it, it never fully goes away.” Pete said in a faraway tone.

As much as Andy liked Pete, he knew that he wasn’t ready for anything more. Pete wasn’t just some guy to experiment with. Andy could never fully and freely be with Pete while he had Susan’s pain, his own pain, and his family’s pain still hanging over him.

There was a constant reminder in Susan’s actions and words. Some nights, or during a quiet moment, those thoughts came back and Andy would be filled with shame and guilt. Pete was right; it never fully goes away.

Andy looked at the young man beside him, the man he had been weary of, the man he had pitied. Now Andy saw that Pete was an amazing person, a fighter, determined, and his strength and defiance was beautiful. Someone so young could be capable of so much. Pete intrigued him. Pete inspired him.

Andy didn’t know what the future had in store for the both of them, whether they were supposed to be just friends or more, but he did know one thing: Pete had to be a part of his life. In some weird way, Pete gave him strength, and Andy liked to believe, although Pete never said it, that Andy gave Pete some strength. In an odd way, they truly needed one another.

“Maybe one day?” Andy asked, but his voice didn’t hold much hope.

The future was completely unknown. One could plan, could dream, could hope, but sometimes the outcome is still unexpected. Thinking of the future was a waste of time, and Pete barely thought that far ahead.

Pete looked at him, shrugging. “Do we ever really know what will happen one day?”

Andy didn’t answer and Pete didn’t press further.

It seemed to Andy and Pete that they were stuck in a hole from which they couldn’t dig themselves out. One day they would make a little headway, the next they would slip right back down. The story of their lives.

That night they slept in their own beds, in their own rooms, both lost in thought, both missing the other’s warmth and security, but thinking the same thing: would things ever get better for them? And if they did, could they ever really accept that things had gotten better or would they forever live in denial and self-doubt?

******

Jordan shrieked. “Ow! Hot!” He dropped the cookie and snatched his hand away from the pan. Clutching his hand, Pete noticed Jordan’s face scrunching up and his eyes began to turn red.

Pete panicked. “No, no, don’t cry Jordan,” he begged. Crying children was not something he could handle.

Jordan looked up, his big blue eyes welling. Pete panicked further. Okay, okay, he had time; the tears didn’t break yet. He grabbed Jordan around the waist and lifted him onto the countertop. Jordan’s mouth was twisted in a sad pout and his small legs dangled off the ledge.

“Don’t cry, Jordan. It will be okay.” He took Jordan’s hand and ran it under cold water. Then he grabbed an ice pack and wrapped it in a paper towel. He wasn’t sure that was what he was supposed to do, but he held it over Jordan’s fingers.

Pete let out a breath; Jordan’s tears were receding. His nose wasn’t looking as red anymore. “Better?”

Jordan nodded, his shoulders slumped.

Pete ran his fingers through the soft blond hair. “Be patient, Jordan. The cookies will cool off soon and then we can frost them and stuff our faces! Okay?” Pete peered into Jordan’s face.

Jordan brightened slightly. “Okay,” he said with more cheer in his voice. His legs began swinging which was always a good sign.

Pete sighed in relief. “Good.” He kept an eye on Jordan as he started putting the cookies onto plates, hoping they would cool off faster that way. Jordan was eyeing them way too eagerly. That kid was such a cookie monster. “Don’t eat them until I say so,” Pete warned.

Jordan pouted and frowned. “I wasn’t gonna!” He crossed his little arms.

“Mmhmm,” Pete hummed. Jordan gave him an innocent smile and Pete laughed. “You know what, kid? You’re going to give me a heart attack one day if you keep burning yourself every time I bake you something.”

Jordan didn’t answer; he continued to smile sweetly up at Pete, knowing full well he could get away with anything. Pete cupped Jordan’s chin and gave an affectionate squeeze. Briefly, he was reminded of his little brother and felt a pang of pain in his chest.

Then he shook those thoughts away as he stared at Jordan’s smiling face. He’d worry about Jacob later. Hopefully Jacob had replied to his most recent letter. Pete had been eagerly anticipating the mailman these days.

“What’s this I hear about a heart attack?” Andy asked walking into the kitchen, toweling off his wet hair.

“I’m going to get one soon if your little spawn keeps threatening to cry on me,” Pete said shooting an amused look at Jordan who was making kissy faces at him. “What’s up with your kid?”

“That’s kids in general,” Andy laughed, walking closer, giving Pete a whiff of his freshly showered smell. Pete felt a warm feeling growing in his stomach and shifted slightly, hoping to avoid a hard-on. He had to start buying baggier jeans.

“What’s that about kids?” Pete asked distractedly as he focused on the fridge behind Andy. He always found Andy the most attractive after his shower because his hair was damp and curled around his forehead, and he looked relaxed and energized, yet comfortable, out of his work clothes.

“Kids act on raw emotions and impulse. One minute they’re about to cry, or are crying, and the next they’re laughing,” Andy said gathering Jordan into his arms.

“Cookie, Daddy?” Jordan asked. “Please?”

“They might still be hot,” Pete warned.

Andy tested one out cautiously, taking a small bite. “All clear.” He held the remaining cookie out to Jordan.

“I’m gonna get the mail,” Pete announced, now that Andy was back and someone was around to watch Jordan. Andy nodded as he started pouring glasses of milk. Pete smiled when he noticed that there were three glasses.

Running down the stairs, he gathered the mail that was lying on the ground. Standing, he quickly scanned each envelope. Mostly bills, catalogues, some school fundraiser, Andy’s ADP check, and…a letter, addressed to Pete. The handwriting looked familiar, boyish, and scratchy. It could only have come from one person.

He stood there staring at the letter, at the white envelope that was slightly crinkled. The blue ink with the handwritten words was slightly smudged. What would it say? Would it be something good? Something bad? Would Jacob be asking for help? Would he want Pete to come home? Pete didn’t think he could do that. But if Jacob needed help, Pete had to help him, especially after leaving without a word so many years ago.

Taking a deep breath, his hands shaking, he tore open the letter, his stomach feeling queasy and his heart racing. With sweat forming on his forehead, he read the words, in its messy scrawl.

His throat closed up and he had to reread the words again, just to make sure he wasn’t imagining things. He took in a breath, feeling mixed emotions. Falling to the ground, the other mail fluttering onto the floor, he landed on his knees.

Pete let out a cry of anguish, a cry of bitterness, and felt tears sliding down his cheeks.

Footsteps sounded above him before descending quickly down the stairs. Andy was crouching in front of him, still holding Jordan.

“Pete, what’s wrong? Pete?” Andy gently shook Pete’s shoulder. Pete continued to cry, his head on the floor.

“Pete,” Andy begged, beginning to sound scared. “What’s wrong? Tell me!”

Pete pointed at the letter from his brother. He slapped his palm on top of it and choked out a small sob. “Letter. My brother…” Pete managed to get out.

“Letter from your brother,” Andy said slowly, understanding creeping into his voice. “Isn’t that a good thing?” He knew Pete had been anticipating a letter as Jacob neared his eighteenth birthday.

Pete let out something that sounded like a hiccup and a laugh. “Mother…dead…”

Andy didn’t know what to do other than stare in shock. Jordan was clutching his neck as they both watched Pete fall onto his back, still crying, his face wet with tears.

But Pete was also laughing. Loudly and maniacally. In fact, Andy couldn’t tell if the tears were really from crying or laughing. Pete was clutching his stomach and rolling on the floor.

“Pete!” Andy exclaimed, finally wondering what was up. “What is so funny? Talk to me!”

Pete rubbed his face, his shoulders still shaking with laughter. “She’s dead! She’s dead!” he shrieked in glee.

“I know!” Andy snapped, his curiosity agitating him. He hoisted Jordan higher in his arms. “Let’s go upstairs and talk about this, okay?” He stood up and held out his hand, as if to encourage Pete to follow his lead.

Pete grabbed his hand and Andy yanked him up, stumbling slightly. He studied Pete carefully. Pete had a smile on his face, a genuine one, but the look in his eyes was odd. It was dreamy, a bit glazed over, and empty. He really looked crazy. Andy didn’t know what to do.

“Pete, let’s go upstairs and eat something. Then you can tell me about that letter,” he said gently. He figured coaxing Pete was the only way to get information out of him. Pete’s past was a delicate subject.

Slowly they walked back upstairs and into the kitchen. Pete took a seat while Andy brought over the milk and cookies. Jordan ran into the living room after Andy handed him a plate of cookies and his cup of milk. Moments later there was the subtle sound of the television playing.

Andy took Pete’s hand and intertwined their fingers. That got Pete’s attention. Andy stared into Pete’s dark eyes. Pete had high cheekbones that were sharp. They usually made him look older and harsher, but right then, to Andy, Pete appeared so young and innocent. He was just a kid really, in so many ways.

“Talk to me,” Andy repeated softly.

Pete calmed down and focused on their hands. He squeezed Andy’s hand, reveling in the warmth and comfort of it. “My mom is dead.” The words were simple, but the empty tone made Andy worry that Pete might hide back into his shell. He didn’t want that to happen since he was rather enjoying the real Pete nowadays.

“How did she die?”

“Car crash. Drunk driving,” Pete replied in the same tone. “Instant death.” He snorted. “She deserved more pain and more suffering. A slow death. Such a shame,” he sneered.

“Pete…” Andy trailed off, not knowing what else to say. He watched Pete, waiting. Pete’s facial expressions were changing rapidly. The nasty, sarcastic sneer dropped from his lips, to be replaced with a perplexed pout.

“I guess I’m finally free of her. She’s finally dead. How come I’m not happy?” Pete stammered, appearing confused as he looked at Andy for answers. In that instant, Pete looked like a child that needed to know the answer to an important question. Andy’s heart ached.

“Pete…I don’t think it works that way,” Andy began hesitantly. “What about your brother? Is he okay?”

“He wanted to know if I wanted to go to her funeral,” Pete laughed coldly. “Can you believe that? He asked if I wanted to go to her funeral. To see her one last time. How could he even suggest that?” His voice was full of bitterness.

“But he was like, what, thirteen when you left? You said he didn’t know why you left, and that you never told him anything in those letters. He probably doesn’t know anything,” Andy said frowning. “It was natural for him to ask…”

“I’m not going! I’m not going!” Pete screamed jumping up, knocking over the chair. It banged loudly on the tiles. Andy flinched. “She’s dead! She’s fucking dead! I’m free of her finally and I’m not going back. I’m never going back! She never cared for me while she was alive and I won’t see her, not even her dead body!” Pete shouted hysterically.

Andy stood up and reached for Pete, trying to comfort him, but Pete shoved him away, grabbed the letter, and ran. Seconds later Andy heard the front door slamming shut. Andy ran to the window and saw Pete running down the sidewalk until he disappeared out of sight. Andy rested his palms on the window, staring helplessly. “Shit,” he muttered to himself.

“Daddy?” came a small voice.

Andy looked up to find Jordan standing uncertainly in front of him. “Where Pete go?”

Andy knelt in front of Jordan and patted his round stomach. “Pete had to leave. It was something important. He’ll be back later. Don’t worry, ok? Go watch TV and have some more cookies, okay?”

Jordan shook his head, making a face. “Too many.” He rubbed his stomach.

Andy laughed in spite of things and mussed Jordan’s hair. “Then, just relax.”

Jordan nodded before flopping onto the couch.

“Pete,” Andy murmured, sitting at the kitchen table, his insides filling with worry. He wished he could call Pete, but Pete didn’t own a cell phone. In Pete’s own words, he had no one to call, and no one to call him, so why bother paying a monthly cell phone bill for nothing?

And for some reason, Andy felt that Pete actually preferred being unreachable, lost to the world. Andy just hoped that wherever Pete went, he’d be alright and in one piece when he got back.

Until then, all Andy could do was wait.

Thanks Frances for editing and Pete for beta-reading.