No Fairytale World - 3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

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“You have a son,” Pete stated.

“Good detective work,” Andy said, but he smiled as he made coffee and prepared his breakfast.

“I was surprised.”

“Why?”

There wasn’t an answer and Andy turned around. Pete was staring at him. “What?” Andy asked self-consciously.

“Nothing,” Pete dismissed.

“Why were you surprised?” Andy pressed curiously.

“I have to head out soon. Later,” Pete said heading into the bathroom and shutting the door with a click.

Andy sighed. “What a bipolar freak,” he muttered, wondering how Pete could be friendly one minute and a moody teenager the next. He was never going to figure out that guy.

Andy didn’t have time to worry about Pete however. He had a full day of work ahead of him and then a very uncomfortable dinner with his parents to look forward to.

By the time Andy left the house, Pete still hadn’t emerged from the bathroom. Andy stared at the closed door and shook his head. “What a weirdo.”

Then he left to start his day.

******

“Are you doing better these days? I mean, you seem better,” his father said as they sat together in the living room nursing drinks.

“As good as can be,” Andy said simply. He refused to say anything else. He was still bitter about his parents’ reaction the last time Andy had come over for dinner.

He heard his father sigh. “Andrew, you don’t have to wear this armor you have on, you know. Give us some credit. Did we yell? Did we scream? Did we spew hateful words at you?” he asked looking hard at Andy.

“Answer me,” his father ordered when Andy remained silent.

“No,” Andy said finally, feeling like a scolded child.

“We need some time to adjust to this. I think we’re doing our part,” his father went on. “Imagine it from our side. All those years you dated girls. Then you got married and everything looked fine. You appeared happy. You have a beautiful son. Your mother and I were looking forward to the future with more grandchildren and many more years of you being happy. Then one day you come to us, upset and crying. Suddenly you tell us you’re gay, that Susan found out; you’ve moved out, and you are begging Susan to see your own child? In a way, you’re not the son we’ve known all these years.”

Andy looked up, hurt all over his face.

“We had expectations of you,” his father went on. “You’ve hidden this part of yourself from us; what are we supposed to feel? Jump up and down with open arms?”

Andy hung his head.

“We’ve known you on the outside, more or less. Sure, we still love you. You’re a good kid and nothing will change that. But our expectations of you, our hopes for you, have changed. From here on out, things are never going to be the same. Who knows how things will pan out with Susan. Is she still not talking to you?”

Andy shook his head and stared at his hands.

“We’re going to have to get adjusted to you being, umm, well, being gay. It’s hard to imagine. But in time, it will happen. It might be harder for your mother though. She wanted lots of grandchildren,” his father said. “But you need to know that we do support you and love you. So don’t shut us out. Let’s be mature about this,” he finished gruffly.

“It’s not so easy, Dad,” Andy said his voice breaking with emotion. “Maybe it’s all in my head, but I can’t stand that everyone looks at me differently. Especially you and Mom.”

“People are always going to judge you. Not just for being gay, but for anything else. That’s how people are. But it is all in your head--how do you plan to handle it?”

“I don’t understand.”

“At first, I was shocked and angry when you told us,” his father admitted. “But thinking about it for awhile, I realized how scary it must have been, and how brave you are to have done that: to change your life, to give up everything…just to live the truth. How many people can do that? So, I am proud of you. Don’t forget that.”

Andy smiled and felt his heart swell. “Thanks Dad.”

“Dinner’s ready!” his mother called out.

“I promise to work on your mother. After all, you’re the only son we have,” his father joked standing up.

Then he turned serious, patting Andy’s back. “Be patient with us, Andy. We’ll do our best. We’ll get there eventually. Work with us, alright?”

Andy laughed and stood up as well. “You have no idea how much that means to me.” He was damn near tears. What a big crybaby, at thirty!

“I think I do,” his father said gruffly, his own voice thick with emotion.

******

Andy’s eyes were wide open in shock as he watched Pete bob up and down in the stranger’s lap. Andy knew he should go into own room or creep back out of the house pretending he was never there in the first place, but his feet were literally glued to that exact spot.

Moans were coming from the man as Pete increased his pace. Andy was ashamed to admit that he was getting aroused. He had to adjust himself.

“I’m gonna cum,” the man hissed. Pete looked like he was about to lift his head up, but the man held him down. “Swallow,” he ordered gruffly.

Pete struggled for a bit, his fingers digging into the man’s knees, before he gave in and went limp as the man tensed, and jerked into his mouth. “Good boy,” the man groaned loudly, thrusting slightly.

Finally, he stopped cumming. Pete pulled off quickly, wiping his mouth and coughing. “Swallowing is extra,” he said, his shoulders squaring.

The man laughed and sighed. “It was worth it. I love it when the boys struggle. Here,” he took out two bills and dropped them on the floor. “I’ll keep in touch. You’re as good as you said you were.” He laughed. It wasn’t a pretty sound. It made Andy’s skin crawl. What was Pete doing with a guy like him?

“We should make this a regular thing,” the man continued. “I’d like a piece of your ass. Maybe next time?” From his voice Andy could tell he was smiling. He heard clothes rustling and figured the man was getting dressed.

“I don’t do that,” Pete said in a controlled voice. Andy detected a slight tremble on the last word.

The man chuckled. “We’ll see about that. I’ll make it worth your while.”

“How much?” Pete asked quietly after a short pause.

“We’ll work out numbers later on.” There was a subtle slapping sound and a low moan of pain which Andy assumed came from Pete.

When Andy heard footsteps nearing him, he darted into his bedroom on his tip toes and jumped into his closet, his hands grabbing onto his dress shirts. He nearly fell, but his shirts held him up. He held his breath, his heart pounding, as the footsteps neared the front door.

When it slammed shut, Andy wasn’t sure if Pete had left with him also, because it was completely silent. Andy wasn’t sure if it was safe to leave his closet and he poked his head out. However, that didn’t help him see anything; he ventured out and peeked into the living room which was empty.

Pete’s door was slightly ajar, but other than that, it was quiet. He wondered if he should check up on him, but then what would he say?

‘Hey there, I saw you giving that guy a blow job and he gave you money? How’s the whoring business these days?’

Or ‘Do you feel alright? Maybe that guy’s sperm was contaminated and perhaps you should drink some tea and honey to clear that shit up.’

Andy couldn’t figure out why Pete was doing this. Mark had said the kid worked at a coffee shop and was also a waiter. Why did Pete need to sell himself on the side? Was he gay or was it a necessity?

Pete was one big mystery and it was giving Andy a headache.

Andy walked quietly to the front door and eased it open. He slammed it loudly and started making a bunch of noise, kicking off his shoes, sighing. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Pete fully shut his door and Andy sighed in relief.

He’d have to watch Pete more closely from now on.

******

“Are you graduating this May?” Andy was implementing Operation ‘Find out about Pete.’ He’d start with small basic questions and see how far down the rabbit hole he could get.

“What?” Pete asked with his mouth full. He looked at Andy curiously.

“You said you’re twenty-two. So I assume you’re graduating this spring?”

“Nah, man. I’m not.” He didn’t elaborate and continued eating, his shoulders hunched, his head down.

“When do you finish then?”

“Hopefully sooner than later.”

Andy bit back a sigh. “What school do you go to?”

“A CUNY school. I’ve bounced around that system.”

“Right,” Andy agreed, although he had no idea what that meant. “What’s your major?”

“Hotel management.”

“Really?”

“No,” Pete said looking up with flashing eyes. “What’s with the fucking twenty questions.”

“Just want to know more about my roommate,” Andy said calmly.

“Not much to know,” Pete said in a controlled tone.

“It would help the living situation if we got along better,” Andy suggested.

“We get along just fine,” Pete stated. “I stay out of your way, you stay out of mine. Perfect living situation.” Andy detected a mocking note in Pete’s voice and he bristled.

“Dude, I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but I’m not doing anything wrong by asking you some questions. God, do you even know how to make small talk?”

“I don’t like talking,” Pete said through clenched teeth. “I like to be left alone.”

“What are you hiding?” Andy leaned forward, invading Pete’s personal space.

Something flashed across Pete’s face, but Andy couldn’t catch it. “Nothing.”

Standing taller, a defiant expression made its way to his features. “Everyone has something to hide. Everyone has a story. But I don’t pry. Do me the same favor.”

“Talking helps,” Andy said. “Telling the truth helps.”

Pete rolled his eyes. “I’m not in any sort of trouble, so don’t worry. Don’t psychoanalyze me. Your friend, Mark, tries that bullshit with me and I’m this close to cutting his balls off or setting them on fire.”

“You are the most difficult person to get along with,” Andy muttered.

“Why are you so interested in getting to know me anyway?” Pete asked looking at him head on. He cocked his head. “You like me or something?” his lip curled maliciously.

Andy’s face flushed in anger. “No, but it wouldn’t hurt to be friends.”

“You do like me,” Pete said smiling, but it wasn’t a friendly smile; it was a taunting one. “I could see it in your eyes the moment I saw you.”

“Fuck you. You’re the biggest shit ever,” Andy insisted indignantly. “There’s something about you and it’s bothering me. You seem…”

“I what?” Pete asked his eyes narrowing.

“Nothing,” Andy said quickly not wanting to say he had seen Pete giving a stranger a blowjob.

“What were you going to say?” Pete pressed suspiciously.

“Nothing. Forget it. I thought it would be nice to know more about each other, but forget it. It’s not meant to be, obviously.” Andy was sounding whiny, but was it too much to expect to at least make conversation with your roommate? Andy couldn’t help bristling at Pete’s attitude. Who was that rude?

“I have some errands to run. Later,” Andy said, turning abruptly.

Pete didn’t say anything; his eyes followed Andy until he was out the door.

******

“Motherfucker,” Andy hissed under his breath.

Andy slammed the fridge door loudly. It helped get his frustration out. Pete, who was eating a bowl of cereal, jumped in his seat and looked at him curiously.

Andy ignored him, sticking to his decision not to speak with Pete unless necessary. No more small talk or pleasantries from his end. They would just be two guys living together. End of story.

He was in a shitty mood. A hardcore shitty mood. He wouldn’t be seeing Jordan this weekend and he really looked forward to his time with his son. But Susan was going on a small trip with her parents and apparently that included Jordan. Andy didn’t even consider asking Susan to leave Jordan with him; that would cause a bitch fit since she wasn’t in the most giving of moods these days.

Part of him wanted to stand up for himself and demand to have his son for the weekend, but the other part of him felt so guilty for the pain he caused his wife that he didn’t dare breathe the wrong way in front of her.

He slammed the cupboard extra hard after he had retrieved his glass. It felt good to get some frustration out.

Gulping the milk down quickly, he felt Pete’s eyes on him. He scrunched his face as a brain freeze took over. “What?” he snarled, knowing Pete was staring at him.

“Bad day?”

“Yeah,” Andy snapped.

“Want to talk about it?”

Andy looked at Pete incredulously, who appeared serious and concerned, the empty cereal bowl sitting in front of him. His hands were folded neatly in front of him.

“No,” Andy said abruptly, feeling bitter towards Pete and his obnoxious ways. Now the jackass wanted to talk?

“Ok,” Pete said after a pause. But he didn’t move and his dirty cereal bowl remained where it was. He had an expectant look on his face which irritated Andy further. Andy refused to look in Pete’s direction anymore.

They both remained in the kitchen. Finally, Pete stood and went over to the sink and rinsed out his bowl, his actions very slow as if waiting for something to occur. Andy nudged Pete aside to rinse his glass, still avoiding Pete’s eyes.

Then they stood side by side together, leaning on the countertop.

Pete broke the silence first by clearing his throat. “You were right.”

“What?” Andy asked frowning, turning slightly, looking at Pete’s profile. For the first time Andy noticed the prominence of Pete’s jaw. The bones protruded sharply, making his face look very angular. He had a slight under-bite that made his lips automatically pout. They looked fuller from this angle.

“It would be good for the both of us to get to know one another a little more,” Pete went on casually, his shoulders rounded in a comfortable posture, but the tense forearms perched on the countertop showed that he was a bit uneasy still. Andy didn’t know why.

“Really?” Andy asked suspiciously leaning closer. “Are you joking?”

“It seems we’re both in some sort of situation at the moment and it looks like we’ll be living here together for quite awhile. Maybe it’s better to have all our shit laid out so we can come home and not feel like we’re walking on eggshells,” Pete went on.

“Eggshells?” Andy demanded. “You’re walking on eggshells around me? I’m the one trying to be friendly and make conversation. You’re the weirdo slamming doors and being secretive or whatever.”

Pete’s head snapped in his direction. “I don’t trust people easily. Nowadays, I have to feel them out for a bit.”

“Yeah? What’s the verdict on me?” Andy asked wearily.

“You’re a persistent fucker,” Pete said honestly. Andy’s eyes widened. He didn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted. Pete stared hard into Andy’s eyes. “I can tell you have your own demons and secrets,” he continued in a soft gentle voice. “You won’t judge me. That makes you safe.”

Andy didn’t know what to say.

“Maybe if we learn to trust each other, we can have a safe haven to return to, away from everyone else and their judgmental minds, and hateful eyes,” Pete said with a faraway look in his eyes.

Apparently Pete had his own issues, which Andy had sensed from the beginning. Mark was right; they were a unique pairing for roommates. Each had his own problem; maybe they could help one another.

It was a worth a shot.

Andy sighed. “I won’t get to see Jordan this weekend.”

“Why not?” Pete asked frowning.

“Susan wants to bring Jordan along with her on an impromptu vacation with her parents. It’s not a big deal, but I miss Jordan and only have weekends with him. I guess it’s an adjustment; not seeing Jordan everyday like I used to,” Andy said glumly.

“Sorry to hear that. Jordan’s a great kid. He even puts me in a good mood.”

Andy shot Pete a sideways glance.

“I’m serious,” Pete protested smiling slightly. “I love kids.”

“You? One wouldn’t guess it,” Andy joked.

“Maybe in the future you should talk more with her and come to some sort of agreement. Like, if you miss a weekend with Jordan, then you get an entire week or at least a few extra days. I mean, it sounds like you’re mad about missing out, but if you know you’ll get that time made up, you won’t be banging our furniture around,” Pete grinned.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea, but…” Andy trailed off.

“But what?”

“You don’t understand everything,” Andy said hesitantly. “Our break up or impending divorce is a bit messy. Then again we haven’t even discussed a divorce yet, although it’s pretty much a sure thing. There’s no way we can be together after…”

“After what?”

“I guess you could say I hurt her pretty badly,” Andy said looking down at his feet. “We’re barely talking. She never says a word to me when I pick up and drop off Jordan.”

“She just needs more time. You can’t rush time and time heals all wounds. Well, at least partially,” Pete said reasonably. “But this is about Jordan and he deserves to see his father. So for his sake, you two need to talk and come to terms with whatever it is that happened in the past.”

“I don’t know,” Andy said pinching his nose. “What I did was pretty colossal.”

“Like what? You murdered someone? Cheated?”

“No on the first one,” Andy murmured.

“Yes on the second?” Pete asked quietly.

“Yeah, but it’s not what you’re thinking. I was with someone else, but…” Andy’s face turned red with shame.

“But what?”

“I can’t say,” Andy whispered. “I mean, I’m not ready…”

“It’s ok,” Pete said. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“Well, that just makes me want to tell you even more.” Andy smiled weakly.

“That’s my method, man. I use reverse psychology on you.” Pete clapped his hands together casually.

“Maybe in time?”

“In time,” Pete repeated, nudging Andy’s stomach. Andy couldn’t help feeling warm at the somewhat intimate and close gesture. It was a gesture friends did with one another.

Andy cleared his throat. “Your turn.”

“My turn?”

“Yeah, why are you such a dick all the time? I don’t think I’ve ever been that mean to you,” Andy said, looking at him with a neutral expression so Pete wouldn’t feel as if he was being attacked.

“It wasn’t you,” Pete said, rubbing his hands on the marble. “It was all me,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“You could say I have a lot of issues myself,” Pete said in a small voice.

“I kind of figured that. Most guys your age are a little happier and carefree,” Andy said.

“Most guys don’t have my upbringing and background,” Pete snapped, a flare of defiance showing up in his dark eyes.

“I know,” Andy said backing up slightly. “I know you do. Like you said, we both have our demons.”

That seemed to make Pete relax. “Yeah,” he said gruffly. “Yeah.” He seemed to space out and go off into his own world. Andy could tell that his past was a big deal for him and didn’t want to push.

“Hey Pete?”

“Yeah?” came the quiet reply.

“In time, ok? In time maybe you can tell me.”

Pete looked at him with gratitude in his eyes and something else, but Andy couldn’t figure out what. “Thanks Andy.”

“So I guess I should call Susan?”

“Definitely.”

Andy let out a breath and rubbed his aching neck.

“I can hold your hand for moral support. If you want,” Pete offered. Andy looked at him and saw the smirk.

It was Andy’s turn to elbow Pete. They both giggled, the tension and serious mood broken.

“Jackass,” Andy muttered.

“I was only trying to help,” Pete said innocently. Andy couldn’t help smiling.

“Yeah, your brand of help is not something to be desired.”

Pete elbowed him again.

******

“Jordan’s my son too, Susan. We’re not officially divorced yet, so you can’t keep me from seeing him whenever you feel like it. I have just as much right as you do to see him,” Andy said firmly, although his hands were sweaty and clammy. He wiped them on his jeans.

Pete was in the kitchen with Andy, reading a textbook at the table. He gave Andy a thumbs up sign and an encouraging smile. Andy looked away quickly.

Susan didn’t say anything in response to his speech; she huffed loudly into the receiver. Andy waited patiently.

“You know, once we’re officially divorced, and I get full custody of Jordan, you won’t be able to hound me constantly!” she hissed.

Andy couldn’t believe his ears; Susan had never been this malicious in the past. True, her hurt feelings were the cause of this behavior, but it still shocked Andy.

“I only hound you because you never answer the phone and you refuse to speak to me in person. I know I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry. I regret it like you won’t believe, but it just happened. I didn’t mean…damn it Susan, I just want to see Jordan. If anything, do what’s best for him! I’m a good father and you know it! I want to see him! I have every right to!”

Susan let out an enraged cry. “You’re a lying, cheating bastard. And a pervert,” Susan was crying. “How could you do this to me? To us? What is wrong with us? Why did you do this?”

Tears welled up in his eyes and he walked quickly into the bathroom turning on the shower. “Nothing is wrong with you, Susan. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m this way. I don’t know why I couldn’t be strong enough. I don’t know why I couldn’t fight my feelings,” Andy cried running his hand down his face. “I’m so sorry, Susan. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me.”

His sobs grew louder and he buried his face in his knees. “Please don’t take my son away from me. I’m sorry for what I did, but I couldn’t help myself. All these years, I’ve been hiding. I’m so sorry. It just happened!”

Vaguely he could hear Susan crying. “You ruined my life! You ruined my dreams. You ruined everything!”

“I ruined my own life!” he shouted. “I tried to be what you wanted. I tried to be what they wanted. I failed, ok? I failed! What do you want from me? What do you fucking want from me?” he screamed knocking over the soap dish and watching it shatter on the ceramic tiles. “I’m just! I’m just, well, I’m me! There’s nothing else!”

“You ruined everything. You took away my life…” Susan whispered, her voice nasal, and thick. “I had a loving husband.” She laughed. “Well, I thought I had a loving husband. Great in-laws. A beautiful son. And you took it all away, just like that,” she continued softly. “My marriage is gone. The man I knew is gone. My future and my dreams are all gone. The bigger family, the family vacations, all gone. Just like that.”

Andy didn’t know what to say. She was right.

“I need more time,” she said shakily. “I need more time to forgive you.”

“Do you hate me?” he breathed.

There was a long pause. Andy held his breath and clenched his fists in anticipation.

“When I feel, I hate you. But when I think about it, long and hard, I don’t,” she said quietly. “Do you understand?”

Andy nodded into the phone, his face covered with tears and snot.

No more words were spoken; they cried together.

They cried over their mutual loss.

Thanks Frances for editing! And a special thanks to my beta-readers.