Electric Blue and Catnip - 24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

A cold draft swept through Joshua’s veins, angry butterflies rolled in his stomach. This hateful feeling inside him grew the longer he sat in the stiff conference room looking at Sherry. Memories of their divorce filled his brain and for a moment, he felt as though he was back to that time, losing his heart and all that mattered to him again. They sat across each other at a short rectangular table: the mediator taking the head of the table.

Their mediator was a nice blond woman in her late forties named Beatrice Dunham. Joshua liked her gentle way. She never raised her voice and always listened to both side. She kept a calm air, never accusing or judging. She’d walked them through the procedures of mediation, nudging them to explore the reasons why he and Sherry needed to talk and come to a solution outside the court for the sake of Shane.

Despite Beatrice’s support, it was hard to remain positive; too much of his past returned when he looked at Sherry.

“Joshua,” Beatrice said with a patient tone.

Joshua shifted in his seat and gave Beatrice his attention.

“Silence is not the answer,” Beatrice said looking at him then turning to Sherry. “You’re both tiptoeing around the impact your divorce had on your lives. A lot of things changed because of that, and you’re both angry, if you don’t talk about it, this mediation process will only get harder.”

“Sherry is happily married,” Joshua said quietly. “If she lets me see Shane, then there won’t be a problem. Dredging up the past is useless.”

Sherry scoffed, looking at him with red eyes. “Useless?” she asked with a frown. “The reason we’re seated here right now is because of our divorce.”

“I know that, but do we have to keep talking about it?” Joshua asked tired of the past. They’d covered the events leading up to the divorce and afterwards until he just wanted to go home and sleep.

“Sherry, what is on your mind?” Beatrice asked looking at her. “Obviously there is something Joshua has said that has made you angry.”

Sherry shook her head and leaned her elbows on the table. Her red-rimmed eyes met Joshua’s and she said, “I loved you, Josh. I loved being your wife and the family we created together with Shane. I didn’t expect you’d run off the moment you found out the truth about Shane. You walked out on me without giving me a chance to explain-,”

“You lied to me, Sherry,” Joshua said when she broke off. “I gave you five years, lived as a different man, giving you and Shane everything I could. Only to find out you lied to me so that we could get married. I was angry and hurt. We were in a bad place and I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

“So, you decided to become gay.” Sherry said in accusation disgust written all over her face.

“I was always gay,” Joshua said.

“If you were gay, then why did you marry me?” Sherry demanded. “You can’t sit there and tell me you felt nothing for me. We slept in the same bed. How do you-,”

“How could I? You must have known something. Why else would you have to trick me into marriage?” Joshua cut her off with a glare, “I stayed for my son. The summer you and I went home together and you got pregnant; I was preparing to come out. But before I could tell anyone, you told me you were pregnant. You knew that I wouldn’t abandon my son. So, I married you, for the sake of our child.”

Joshua dropped his gaze to the table and sighed. “Sometimes I wonder if things wouldn’t have turned out different if I’d just gone ahead and told you at the start. I spent so much time denying who I really was; it wasn’t easy for me to come out, Sherry.”

“You’re trying to tell me you made a sacrifice and married me for Shane’s sake. That’s rich, Josh. You’re no saint in this situation,” Sherry said bitterly.

“You’re right. I probably should have told you about me from the beginning. I wish I had more than you know,” Joshua said looking up to meet her angry gaze. “I’d like you to know that I don’t regret our marriage. Not one bit, Sherry. When Shane was born, and I saw him in your arms, everything just seemed insignificant. I loved him at first sight, and you gave me that gift.”

“Then why did you walk away,” Sherry asked her eyes filled with tears. “We would have made it work somehow.”

“We weren’t working, Sherry. You and I, we were hurting each other more than two people should,” Joshua said sadly. “In the hospital when I found about Shane, I was angry with you for betraying me. I’d given up myself for a woman who didn’t have a problem lying to me. I just wanted my life back. I tried to make you understand, I really did, but you wouldn’t listen. Instead, you punished me.”

“How did I punish you?” Sherry scoffed. “You’re not the one who was embarrassed by the fact that your husband had turned gay. It was me who had to explain to my family and all our friends that you were no longer married to me because you were now gay.”

“Why do you say it like that?” Joshua asked with a frown. “As though my being gay is a disease or something, I’m proud of who I am, Sherry. I’m happy that I don’t have to hide my sexuality anymore because that hurt more than I can explain.”

“You didn’t care what your happiness would do to me or Shane or how people would look at us.”

“Not Shane,” Joshua said. “Shane isn’t ashamed of me, Sherry. You can’t stand who I am, and because of that, you kept me away from our son. You’re the one who wanted me to be someone that I’m not.”

Sherry looked away and he turned to Beatrice.

“She’s never going to accept me,” he said painfully. The pain in his voice was hard to hide. He couldn’t help remembering the first time he’d told his family the truth. Their rejection still fresh in his memories, he sighed and tried to shake it off, the past was too close. “This anger she’s carrying around, made sure I didn’t get a chance to see Shane.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Sherry said.

“You’re the one who filed an order of protection against me knowing that it would force me out of the house and Shane’s life.”

Sherry shook her head. “Do you remember what you were like those days? Drunk, angry, we fought every chance we met. I was afraid of you, Josh. My lawyer gave me the easiest solution.”

“It was a malicious easy way out,” Joshua said angry at the problems the order had brought him.

“Okay, why don’t we take a minute,” Beatrice said. “Joshua, Sherry has made an effort here. With the help of your lawyer, you’ve managed to reverse the Order of Protection. Sherry, how do you feel about letting Shane see Joshua?”

Sherry sighed and opened her bag. She got a packet of tissues and used one to blow her nose. Joshua took in a deep breath when she turned red-rimmed eyes to him. He hadn’t expected she’d react this way, when they’d been divorcing, he’d thought her a cold-hearted bitch.

“You have to understand, Josh. Things at home are complicated for me. Mitch, Shane’s biological father, doesn’t think this is a good idea. He’s also trying to fit into Shane’s world and having you around-,”

“I’m not asking to move back into your house,” Joshua cut her off with a frown. “I love Shane too; a few hours with him won’t interfere with Mitch. Besides, aren’t you the reason why Mitch doesn’t like me?”

“The way you talk,” Sherry said sadly. “It’s as though I’m the villain. This is twice as hard for me as it is for you. Shane constantly asks about you, and when he does, Mitch is hurt because it feels as though Shane has placed you on a pedestal and there’s no room for both you and Mitch. It’s very difficult to keep a balance that won’t hurt them both.”

“I understand,” Joshua said. “Nevertheless, I just want to be in Shane’s life, Sherry. There is nothing wrong with having two fathers. Shane has lots of love to go around”

“I’ve spent time in Shane’s company and he is a very impressionable young boy. He is also smart and knows what he wants.” Beatrice glanced at Sherry and smiled. “He understands that you’re apart, and that Mitch is his step-father while Joshua is his Dad.”

Joshua felt a sense of pride at those words.

Beatrice continued. “Shane is an intelligent boy. I think the problem here lies with the adults. Sherry, the question I asked you is how you feel about Joshua seeing Shane. Not what your husband feels.”

Sherry looked at him with an unreadable expression and he felt tight cords tighten in his stomach. The last time a judge had asked her this question she’d made unreasonable accusations.

“Shane admires Joshua. I have to admit that he’s not the same man he was when we divorced. He’s changed a lot,” Sherry said grudgingly.

“Joshua, can you forgive Sherry for the past?” Beatrice asked him. When he looked at her, she explained. “I’ve listened to you and Sherry this afternoon and the one thing I’ve picked up on is that you’ve bottled up a lot of resentment toward Sherry. You’re angry with her for not accepting your sexuality, for keeping you away from Shane. Do you think you can put that in the past?”

Joshua sat back in his chair and stared at the woman he’d come to hate these past five years. She looked fragile in a black V-neck dress that clung to her slim figure. Her hair held back in a tight ponytail. The anger was still there, under the surface, he thought with a sigh. Always rolling deep inside him, she’d taken away a lot of time with Shane. Time he could never make up.

“I can work toward putting the past behind us,” Joshua said turning to Beatrice. “It won’t happen overnight, but I can promise to work toward a cordial relationship, for Shane’s sake.”

“What about you, Sherry?” Beatrice asked looking at Sherry.

Sherry bunched her tissue in her hands and shrugged. “I will work toward it too,” she said in a quiet voice.

“Good,” Beatrice said with a small sigh. “We’re left with an evaluation of your house, Joshua. If Shane is to sleep over your house, we need to make sure that you have space for him. After that evaluation, then we’ll know what the next step is.”

“When do I get to see Shane?” Joshua asked needing to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Soon,” Beatrice said, giving him a small smile. “Sherry, I’ll stop by to talk with Shane, you and your husband one last time before our next session.”

Beatrice gathered her documents and stood. Joshua followed suit and took her hand when she offered it.

“We made progress today,” she said kindly. “I know it might not seem like it, but talking it out makes things clear for everyone. Joshua, I’ll call your lawyer and arrange the evaluation date.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Dunham,” Joshua said. She smiled and turned to Sherry who also shook her hand.

“Alright, time to head to my next appointment. I’ll keep in touch,” Beatrice said and left the conference room in a hurry.

The moment the door closed, Joshua turned to look at Sherry at a loss. He hadn’t talked to her much since their divorce. Their meetings always arranged by their lawyers, he sighed and pushed his chair back.

“Give Shane my love,” Joshua said quietly and turned to leave.

“Are you really happy?” Sherry asked startling him. “I mean, being…” she broke off and he turned to find her fiddling with her bag. “Have you found a p-partner?”

Joshua nodded. “Yeah,” he said thinking of Alexi.

“Does h-he love you?” she asked staring at him with that unreadable expression again.

Joshua nodded. “He tells me so three times a day, I believe he does.”

She nodded and picked up her handbag. “That’s good,” she said and started for the door too.

“Sherry,” he said quietly. “What about you? Does Mitch make you happy?”

She paused at the door and turned to look at him. “Happy enough,” she said sadly. He didn’t get a chance to question her farther as she quickly opened the door and left without another glance.

He sighed and shook his head. This wasn’t going to get easier, he thought with a sigh. His lawyer, Malcolm, met him as he left the conference room.

“Beatrice says you two had a good talk today,” Malcolm said as he walked him to the elevator.

“Sherry didn’t fly off the wall and was even reasonable to a point,” Joshua said with a sigh. “I’m hoping we reach a solution soon.”

“Just keep holding on,” Malcolm said punching the elevator button. “How is Shane’s bedroom going?”

“We’re almost finished; my sister went shopping with me yesterday. I still have to put a dresser together, and then we’ll be ready.”

“Good, I’ll call you when Beatrice calls me,” Malcolm promised. “Take care of yourself, Professor.”

Joshua nodded and smiled as the elevator doors opened. “Thank you, Malcolm.”

He headed home after leaving Malcolm’s office building. His brain too tired to deal with anything else. His phone buzzed just as he unlocked his front door. He answered without looking at the caller ID. Closing the door behind him, he leaned on it when he heard Alexi.

“Is it good morning for you too?” Alexi asked in a teasing voice.

“Afternoon,” he answered slowly sinking to the floor. He pressed his phone to his ear and closed his eyes. “I’m so happy to hear your voice, baby. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” Alexi said with a small yawn. “I dreamt about you. I woke up and I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Joshua smiled. “That’s the way it should be. Every morning, you should call me first, that way you’ll have a good day.”

“I like that, but why do you sound so down?” Alexi asked. “You’re not as excited as you should be to hear me. What’s wrong?”

Joshua leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. “I just came back from talking with Sherry and the mediator.”

“Oh Josh,” Alexi said with a sigh. “How was it?”

“Tough, I didn’t realize how much anger I’m still carrying around. Today, it flooded out and I just-,” he broke off and closed his eyes again. “Alexi, I really miss you.”

“I’m here for you, Josh. Talk to me, tell me what you need.”

“Do you think it was selfish of me to give up my marriage with Sherry?” he asked. Sherry’s words still lingered in his thoughts. She’d insisted they’d have made their marriage work. Maybe he had let Shane and Sherry down. “I mean-,”

“No,” Alexi said abruptly. “Josh, you made the right decision. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“What about Shane? I let him down by walking away. If I’d stayed married to her this wouldn’t be happening.”

“You listen to me, Joshua Randolph. You’re the bravest man I know. I love the fact that you chose to be honest with yourself. I’m proud of you because I’m very sure living a lie would have turned you into a very bitter man. The handsome, strong Josh I know and love wouldn’t exist, you’d spend most of your time denying yourself, and wishing for a change. As you are now, you’re someone Shane can look up to, Josh. When you tell him to follow his heart, he’ll know you’re right because that’s what you did and look where it got you.”

“Where is that?” Joshua asked in amusement.

“With a handsome boyfriend who loves you, and calls you every time he wakes up,” Alexi answered with a small laugh. “Seriously, Josh, don’t you think that’s great?”

“I think you’re tooting your own horn,” Joshua accused.

“I haven’t had my coffee yet,” Alexi said. “And you’re forcing me to deal with such heavy topics before I am conscious. I don’t have to remind you how much I love you and how much I respect the Joshua Randolph who bravely chose a different path, even with all the obligations you had at the time. I don’t ever want to hear you say you let anyone down, Joshua. You did the best you could, and you’re still trying hard to be there for Shane.”

Joshua rubbed his eyes with his left hand at a loss. His insides melting, as they always did when Alexi got this way, how had he gotten so lucky?

“What am I going to do?” he asked.

“Why?” Alexi asked.

“You’re so far away and I really want to kiss you senseless right now.”

Alexi laughed, the happy, joyful sound sweeping the day’s troubles away. “I miss you too. You’ll just have to come and kiss me senseless the day of my first concert.”

“You mean go to Tokyo?” he asked in surprise. “Isn’t it too late, your concert is in two weeks, I haven’t-

“Have you met Lily? She’s a miracle worker. She’ll handle all the paperwork,” Alexi assured him. “All you have to say is that you’ll come.”

“Of course, I have to see you get back on stage.” The past two weeks were a form of torture he’d never experienced before. Missing Alexi was crippling.

“Okay, Lily is knocking on the door, I have to go,” Alexi said sadly. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes, after that speech how could I not be? Go work, and rehearse,” Joshua said. “I love you, Alexi.”

“I love you too.” Alexi hung up soon after and he got off the floor with renewed energy. He had a dresser to complete in the guest room.

***

“We can hang a New York Giants poster on the wall above his bed.” Alicia suggested as she arranged new t-shirts in the dresser he’d finished assembling at three a.m. the night before.

“But he likes trains too, I think we should have a little bit of everything,” Joshua said leaning on the wall beside the dresser.

The medium sized bed in the middle of the room had a dark blue cover that matched the sheets and the pillows. Alicia had insisted they paint the wall a lighter blue to make it bright. The carpet on the floor was a fuzzy deep blue. He’d added a desk with a lamp in one corner and the shelves they’d put on the other side of the wall were empty. He’d wanted to fill them with books, but had thought not. This was Shane’s room; Shane would put whatever he wanted on the shelves.

Alicia finished keeping the clothes and closed the drawers. “Wow, the place is taking shape. When is the evaluation?”

“Malcolm hasn’t called yet,” Joshua said.

Alicia moved to sit on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. “I don’t think she’ll have a problem with the room. Your kitchen though, that might be a problem. You haven’t gone shopping.”

Joshua shrugged. “I’ll make sure to stock the fridge the day before she comes for the evaluation. Besides, I’d never make Shane starve.”

“Shane is not the one I’m worried about.” Alicia crossed her legs under her on the bed. “Have you talked to Alexi?”

Joshua nodded. “Every day, I’d promised myself never to get Skype, but with Alexi so far away, it’s the best solution. It’s also cheaper.”

“Two weeks, you two are strong,” Alicia said shaking her head. “A long distance relationship is going to be tough.”

“We’ll make it,” Joshua said quietly. He had to believe that because without that hope he was going to lose his mind.

****

Alexi’s alarm went off at four-thirty in the morning, jerking him out of a delicious dream. Sitting up with a sigh, he slammed his palm on the off button and crawled out of bed. He wiped his hand down his face, missing Joshua, missing his morning kisses and hugs. He dreamt of Joshua every time he closed his eyes.

By five o’clock, he was showered, dressed and on his way out of his hotel room. Lily waited in a black van at the front entrance. She held out a cup of coffee as he settled in the back. The coffee was good; enough to wake him up and clear his head.

“Awake?” Lily asked beside him.

“Enough,” he replied rubbing his eyes.

“Good. We’re starting with AM live on XFM, and then heading to Jwave for their nine to ten show. Both hosts are running a fifteen-minute special with you. You’ll answer questions from fans on live radio. After that, we have an appointment with Takada Yamamoto. You’re having a photo shoot with him for the Oricon magazine; of course they’ll ask you a few questions.”

Alexi sipped his coffee and listened to Lily narrate his busy schedule. Journalists, T.V. hosts, radio talk shows, she and the PR team had planned an ambitious campaign. He barely had a moment to breath between appointments. He had ten days until the concert, ten days and he’d see Joshua.

“At two-thirty, we head back to the Tokyu Theatre Orb for practice. Remember, the crew from Osaka TV is on site. They are working with our crew in order to broadcast the concert. They’ve asked Mariko Hondo to do your interview.”

“Mariko Hondo,” Alexi said his eyes wide when he turned to Lily.

Mariko Hondo had written the flaming article about his degenerating talent. Her words, read by the nation, had undone him last year. They had been the last straw.

“I won’t do it,” he said shaking his head. “I’m not facing that woman. They find another journalist or I’m canceling the Osaka special.”

Lily sighed and closed her diary. “Don’t do this,” she said in exasperation. “We can’t cancel the Osaka special. Too much has gone into preparing it to turn back now. Alexi-

“She broke me,” Alexi cut in. “Last year, in the middle of that mess with my stage fright, that woman’s article broke me.”

“All the more reason to face her,” Lily said. She touched his arm. “Show her a different side of you. How much you love music.”

“Does she even understand music?” Alexi scoffed. He couldn’t forget Mariko’s article, the words she’d used: mediocre and uninspiring, had haunted him every time he sat behind a piano to play a new composition. How could he sit across her and spill his guts?

“She’s good at her job. Just think of this as a test. Can you face her, Alexi? If you’re better and feel confident with your music, can you change Mariko’s opinion? Don’t you think that would be a better revenge?” Lily asked meeting his mutinous gaze.

Was he ready, he wondered?

“I don’t like this,” he said after a moment. “My head is in a good place. Mariko seems the type to come after me just to see the color of my tears. She could destroy the balance I’ve gained so far. Be realistic, I haven’t yet gone before an audience. Are you sure we should have Mariko around that first night? What if something goes wrong?”

“Are you planning to break down?” Lily asked with a sigh. “Alexi, think about this a little longer. I’ll push her appointment back to tomorrow morning. Call Dr. Marshall if you need to, but I have a question for you, Alexi. Can you allow Mariko Hondo to piss on your music and not take the chance to make her regret her article?”

The van pulled into the XFM building parking lot and he didn’t get a chance to reply to Lily’s question. She got out and he followed, throwing his empty coffee cup in a trashcan. He stretched his arms above his head and got ready for another hectic day in Tokyo.

****

His phone buzzed at around ten o’clock. The hair stylist working with Takada Yamamoto had his hair in clumps. Unlocking the screen, he grinned wide when he saw a message from Joshua. His brother had set up Skype on his phone so that he and Joshua could connect any time.

‘What are you doing?’ Joshua asked.

The make-up artist touched up his skin with a brush and stepped away so the hair stylist could work.

‘Stripping for a photo shoot,’ Alexi answered.

‘What!’

He chuckled and replied, ‘Wanna see?’

‘Of course, there had better not be another guy ogling you.’

Alexi grinned and looked at the hair stylist. “Hey, let’s take a picture for my special friend.”

She smiled and moved closer as he took a picture with his phone. He thanked her and sent the photo to Joshua.

‘Sexy,’ Joshua wrote back. “She wants you.”

Alexi laughed and looked at his hair stylist. She shrieked because she was holding a pair of scissors. “I could have ruined your hair cut,” she exclaimed scowling at him.

Alexi apologized and returned his attention back to his phone.

‘She’s not my type. What are you doing?’

‘Writing that book I never finished.’

‘I never got to read it.’

‘But you only read steamy romance novels.’

‘Hey, I can read literature on ancient Japanese people if you’re writing it.’

‘That’s sweet; Alexi, but I know what you read, babe. Your stash is in my bedroom shelf and it’s not literature on ancient anything.’

‘It could be.” Alexi put in a smiley face and continued. ‘How was your day?’

‘School started, met my many students and I have a new teaching assistant.’

Alexi frowned. ‘Is it a guy or girl?’ Alexi asked.

‘A guy,” Joshua replied with a smiley face.

‘Is he staying at your place like Tim did?’

‘He could, it would help him with bills but no, he has a place to stay.’

Alexi sighed in relief. ‘I’m glad.’

‘Were you jealous?’

‘Of course,’ Alexi wrote back. ‘Those students might find you interesting then where would I be?’

‘I think I’m the one who should be worried. I’ve watched a few interviews you’ve done online. Your fan meet last week is popular. They love you there, Alexi, loads of fans, all wishing to marry you.’

‘You’re the one who has my heart. You know that, right?’

‘I know.’

‘Are you ready to come for my first concert? Lily has planned your every move that day.’

‘She called me earlier. My visa is ready, and the flight tickets. I can’t wait to see you perform.’

‘I can’t wait to see you,’ Alexi wrote. ‘Three weeks and it feels like months.’

‘For me too, I’ll be there,’ Joshua promised.

‘I have to go; the photographer is ready for me. Maybe I should ask him to do a private session, send you those nude photos you wanted.’

‘I’d love that very much,’ Joshua wrote back. ‘On the other hand, no, I don’t think so. I can’t stand the thought of someone seeing you that way. You’re mine, Alexi.’

Alexi closed his eyes, his heart squeezing tight at that little declaration. He loved the idea of belonging to someone, to Joshua. ‘Okay, I won’t ask.’

‘Call me when you’re done.’

‘But you’ll be sleeping. It has to be nine o’clock at night there.’

‘I don’t mind. I wanna hear your voice before I sleep.’

‘Okay.’

The hairstylist finished with his hair and removed the wrap they’d put over his clothes. Standing up, he glanced in the mirror and smiled. He liked his new look. His hair was no longer long, cut neatly to frame his face. The hairdresser had also redone his color into a sandy brown that reminded him of the beach.

“Alexi-san,” Takada, the photographer, wrapped an arm around his shoulder, “you ready?”

Alexi turned off his phone and slipped it into his pocket. He nodded and allowed Takada to lead him to a black metallic bench set against a pristine white backdrop. They spent the next two hours together. Takada was easy to work with and he gave instructions without being bossy.

“You’ve been away from the stage for at least a year and a half. How do feel about getting back?” Takada asked him when they finished taking pictures.

Alexi settled on the comfortable high stool and said, “Exhilarated and nervous at the same time. I’m also grateful.”

“Why grateful,” Takada asked.

“I’m grateful because the tickets to my concerts are sold out. That bit of news made me so happy to know that I have loyal fans who have been patient with me. I’m grateful that they’ll come listen to my music again even after such a long time.”

“What is different about this concert compared to last year?” Takada asked.

Alexi paused thinking about last year. He’d been hurt, betrayed, and heartbroken. This time, he had Joshua, they might not be together, but just knowing that Joshua loved him gave him so much strength.

“I feel that this concert is full of hope,” Alexi answered truthfully. “I’ve written a lot of new music this past summer. Uplifting music written from a happy place, so I’m looking forward to sharing that with everyone and having fun on stage. We’ve worked hard to create an energetic performance, practicing with the Tokyo Philharmonic orchestra has been amazing, and their passion just fuels me to get on stage every day.”

“Hearing you so excited is making me very eager to see your concert,” Takada said with a wide smile. “On a personal note, this year you spent time in New York composing music for a film. Can you tell us more about your experience?”

“I got the chance to get back to the basics, focus on the music and composition. New York was an enlightening experience and I’m glad I went. My hope is that I captured the essence of the story in the movie and when the Night Guardians movie comes out, that everyone will be happy with the end result.”

“In a recent poll you and your brother, Phillip Kotaru, were listed as the most eligible bachelors in Japan. Since your brother is planning to get married soon, should we expect wedding news from you too?”

Alexi laughed. “No, I haven’t thought about marriage just yet. Right now, I’m just happy to maintain a relationship; if it lasts and turns into marriage then I’ll be as lucky as my brother.”

“Does that mean there is someone special in your life?”

Alexi smiled secretively and replied, “There is someone very close to my heart. But, I’m the selfish type and so I won’t share who it is just yet.”

“That will certainly send everyone in a frenzy to find out who it is,” Takada joked.

“I can imagine.” Alexi gave him a short bow and smiled. “Please forgive me for now.”

“Can you at least tell us where you met? What kind of first time meeting did you have?”

“An unexpected one,” Alexi said with a small chuckle. “I was running through a park, exercising, when this someone knocked me over and to this day, hasn’t let me go.”

Takada laughed. “That does sound unexpected. What is the message you’d love to give to your fans?”

“I thank them for their continued support. And promise to keep playing music that will move their hearts for as long as I can.”

Takada nodded and turned off the tape recorder he was using. Alexi jumped off the stool and shook his hand. “Thank you for coming today,” Takada said.

“It was my pleasure,” Alexi said.

“We need to get going.” Lily took his elbow and led him out of the studio. “Peter is waiting at the hotel. You can have lunch with him, and then we’ll rush over to the theatre.”

****

At the Cerulean Tower Hotel, Alexi walked into a private dining room on the first floor to find Peter Wilson, his agent, already waiting.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Peter,” Alexi said when Peter stood to shake his hand.

“No trouble,” Peter said indicating the empty seat for him. “How was the photo shoot with Takada-san?”

“Fun, he made me laugh a lot,” Alexi said as he settled down. “What did you order? I’m starving. Lily is working me without feeding me.”

“Teriyaki,” Peter said with a smile. “Don’t worry, I told them to bring the food right away.”

“Good,” Alexi said. “So, tell me why we’re here.”

“Osaka special,” Peter said firmly. “The station won’t choose another host. Mariko Hondo is their star.”

“I won’t face her,” Alexi said shaking his head. “This concert is important to me, Peter. The first after that whole fiasco last year, there is no way I’ll have her following me backstage, doing her best to drive me crazy.”

“She’s a jackal, that is true, but if we insist they change her, it will turn into a PR nightmare,” Peter insisted. “Please, just accept to do this.”

“No,” Alexi shook his head. The door opened and their waiter walked in, the scent of food made his stomach growl in anticipation. He dug into his food when the waiter placed his plate before him. He glanced up to find Peter watching him. “What, I haven’t eaten anything all day.”

“You’re being unreasonable,” Peter accused. “What happened to the nice guy who left for New York in March?”

“He learned to say no.” Alexi said chewing on a piece of his grilled chicken.

“Is it true?” Peter asked him.

“What is true?”

“That you’re in love,” Peter said. “Lily is moving mountains getting a visa for one Joshua Randolph. She’s only ever done that for Adrian.”

Alexi smiled. “He’s everything.” When he saw Peter raise his eyebrow with doubt, he continued, “I figured you’d think I’ve lost my mind. Josh is important to me. I’m telling you now because he’s in my life for good if I have anything to say about it.”

Peter nodded in understanding. “We’ll jump that hurdle when we get to it.”

“It’s not a hurdle, Peter. He’s in my life, and I’m not hiding him. I’d like to make that clear.”

Alexi looked up from his food when Peter chuckled. “What?”

“Alexander Kotaru, you are your father’s son. Do you realize you never gave me this speech when you were dating Adrian? I’d like to meet this Joshua.”

“You will soon,” Alexi said with a small smile.

Peter nodded and picked up his coffee. “Back to the Osaka special, why are you afraid of this woman?”

“I’m not afraid of her,” Alexi said.

“Yes, you are,” Peter said pushing his plate aside. “You’re terrified of her, and I’m not sure whether that is a good thing.”

“Maybe it is a good thing,” Alexi said. “You’re just not seeing it from my point of view. I’m not afraid of getting on stage, Peter. The rehearsals are going so great; I don’t want to ruin it by adding Mariko Hondo. She destroyed my self-confidence last year. Can you try to change her please?”

Peter studied him for a moment then nodded. “Fine, but you have to promise to think about this more. We have ten more days before the concert; I’ll talk to the producer this afternoon. But, keep in mind that Mariko will fight this.”

***

Alexi concentrated on rehearsals pushing all thoughts of a TV crew following him for a whole weekend away. His anxiety increased when they were down to four days to the concert. The only thing that made him happy was seeing Joshua. Lily had given him Joshua’s itinerary. He was supposed to arrive Friday afternoon, and leave in the evening on Sunday. Not nearly enough time, but he would take what he could get. Picking up his green tea, he leaned back in his chair and concentrated on the concert program. He was playing through a solo piano piece in his head when Lily walked into the dining room.

“Page six,” Lily said holding out the Wednesday morning paper. “Mariko has written an article about you. She’s not happy about your refusal to let her host the Osaka special. She’s been doing research on you. Your work with the Night Guardians project and the girl, Jenny, she’s going to run an interview with Jenny tomorrow.”

Alexi stared at his picture on page six with a sigh. “Why is she doing this?”

Lily paced the length of the dining table in his suite. “Peter talked with the producer of the show. He’s trying to get her replaced, but it’s difficult. She’s the one who initiated the special idea.”

“What now?” Alexi asked putting the paper on the table.

“Say you’ll do the special.”

“Or what, she’ll write more punishing articles about me?” Alexi asked skimming the article. “Look at this, ‘...Kotaru-san seems to have found his inspiration composing behind closed doors, but whether he can still deliver on stage we’ll see on Friday night...’ She’s baiting me.”

Alexi balled the newspaper and threw it into the trash. He hated journalists sometimes. Their judgmental ways, what had he ever done to Mariko Hondo?

“Let me call her,” Lily said. “She can meet us at the Tokyu Theatre Orb and you two can have a short talk this afternoon.”

“We could just ignore the article,” Alexi shrugged.

Lily looked at him with a closed expression obviously not happy about his decision. He sighed and sat back in his chair. It wasn’t his fault, his default was running away; things were always easier if you steered away from trouble.

Alexi sighed and stood up. “Your silence scares me more than my mother, Lily. Fine, we’ll have a small talk before rehearsals start. If I don’t like what she says, she leaves.”

“Good decision, now, we’re headed for brunch with your father’s associates after that a fan meet, let’s go.” She pushed off the table and headed out of the dressing room.

****

They found the stage crew hard at work when they got to the Tokyu Theatre Orb that afternoon. They only had Thursday left to find any faults in the production, Friday everything had to be in place, lighting, sets, they’d prepared for every contingency but even backup plans needed backup.

Alexi left Lily talking to the director and went to the stage where a black grand piano stood. The orchestra would join him soon, but for now, he was alone. Taking his phone from his pocket, he tried calling Joshua, but there was no answer. Not surprised, he put his cell phone on top of the piano and sat down on the bench. It had to be around one o’clock in the morning in New York. Gods, what he’d give to be lying next to Joshua, he shook his head and ran his fingers over the piano keys.

Closing his eyes, he could imagine the feel of Joshua’s fingers combing through his hair. Remember his scent, the soft touch of Joshua’s lips against his, he held on to that image, missing him. His phone buzzed robbing him of the memory. He reached for the gadget blindly and answered.

“You gave up so easily. You should have tried calling again.” Joshua purred into his ear, he sounded sleepy.

Alexi closed the cover on the piano and leaned on it. “Were you sleeping?”

“Yeah, was dreaming you came back here. I miss holding you,” Joshua said sleepily.

Alexi sighed and closed his eyes. “I miss you holding me too.”

“You sound tired. What’s wrong?”

He shook his head and swallowed hard. “Nothing’s wrong, just working. You should go back to sleep.”

“Alexi,” Joshua said, his voice traveling through Alexi. “I can tell when you’re having a hard time.”

Alexi chuckled. “How do you know when I’m so far away?”

“I know you, Alexi. I can tell when you’re unhappy,” Joshua said. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”

“Of course,” Alexi promised. “Stop worrying, I’m just dealing with a pest problem.”

“What kind of pest problem?”

“You remember that conversation we had about aged wine and how it gets better with time?”

“The journalist who hated your music,” Joshua said with a sigh. “What happened?”

“She wants to host a national Television special Friday night. I’ll have to sit across her and have an actual conversation with her.” Alexi shuddered at the idea. “I can’t do it.”

“What does Lily think?” Joshua asked gently.

Alexi sighed. “She thinks I should do it.”

“Alexi.” The way Joshua said his name made him feel like he was sitting right next to him. If he were to close his eyes, Alexi bit his lip; he could almost imagine Joshua beside him. “I’ve heard you play a thousand times. I miss watching you play the piano. You’re confident, talented and you shouldn’t allow this woman to intimidate you.”

“I’m not letting her intimidate me.” Alexi scowled at the shiny black surface of the grand piano. “I don’t trust her.”

“All the more reason to meet with her,” Joshua said. “Get to know the kind of person she is, be yourself, show her a different side from the one she judged before.”

“You sound like Lily.”

Joshua chuckled and Alexi heard him start to yawn. “I’m keeping you awake,” Alexi said with a sigh. “Go to sleep, Josh.”

“Play for me,” Joshua said sleepily.

Alexi smiled. “What if you fall asleep?”

“Well, then you’ll have done your job. I miss listening to you.”

Alexi put his phone on speaker and opened the piano. He chose to play I giorni (the days) by Ludovico, because it made him nostalgic. Missing the nights with Joshua the most, he played soothing Joshua to sleep, wishing he were there with him. He played until a soft touch on his shoulder pulled him out of the spell.

“Kotaru-san?” an unfamiliar voice said.

He turned to find a short woman with long black hair flowing down her back watching him. Her face was familiar; he froze as he realized Mariko Hondo had come looking for him. Reaching for his phone, he ended the call to Joshua. She’d interrupted a private moment.

“I’ve intruded,” she said in apology giving him a short bow. “The crew said you were practicing and I wanted to hear.”

Putting his phone in his pocket, Alexi closed the piano and pushed back the bench. “How may I help you, Ms. Hondo?”

“I wanted us to meet in person,” she said in a polite tone. “Your manager sent me in to talk to you.”

Standing up, Alexi returned her short bow. Since she was here, he looked around the stage. “Where do we start?” he asked.

****

“Beatrice wants to meet with you on Friday, at eleven in the morning. Your evaluation was positive,” Malcom Deveraux, told Joshua on Thursday morning. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up, but this could be the decision we’ve been waiting for.”

Joshua stared at the Japan Air tickets on his desk. “Can’t she reschedule to next week? I wanted to make a trip.”

“I tried,” Malcolm said. “I’m well aware of your trip to see Alexi. Unfortunately, she squeezed us in because she has a busy schedule next week. Joshua, waiting could derail the whole process.”

He sighed. “I understand, I’ll be there,” he said quietly.

“Be strong, Joshua,” Malcom urged. “I’ll wait for you at my office, alright.”

“Sure, Malcolm, thank you,” Joshua ended the call and sat staring at the tickets.

Rubbing his forehead, he dialed Lily’s number.

“Josh, are you worried about your flight?” she greeted with a smile in her voice. “Don’t worry; I’ll have someone waiting for you at the airport-

“Lily, I can’t-,” he stopped with a sigh. “I can’t make it tomorrow.”

“Why?” Lily asked in surprise. “Josh, everything is set, Alexi is so looking forward to seeing you.”

“Malcolm called me; I have to meet with the mediator on Friday. Even if I was to say I want to fly over and come back, I won’t make it.” Joshua shook his head disappointment threatening to suffocate him. “I can’t ignore this meeting.”

Lily sighed on her side. “Do you want me to tell Alexi?”

“No, I’ll explain, but-,” he picked up the tickets, “I hope these tickets are refundable.”

“Don’t worry about those, hang on to them, we can use them on another date.”

“I’m sorry-

“Don’t apologize. Shane is important to you,” Lily said quickly. “I’m sure Alexi will understand. I have to go now, take care of yourself, Josh.”

****

Thursday afternoon, Joshua sat at the dining table at his house, typing furiously in his laptop. Words tumbled out of his brain too fast for his fingers. He’d returned from the college ready to work, a glass of juice at his elbow, he typed up the notes he’d written during the staff meeting earlier. The sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts and he frowned when Alicia called out.

“Josh?” He heard her close the door and shuffle into the house. “Where are you hiding?”

“In here,” he said keeping up his typing. He’d started working on his book when Alexi had left. It was an easy way to ignore how empty his bed was. Sometimes when they talked, like last night, sleep escaped and he used the book to distract himself.

Alexi’s first concert was in just hours, he’d have been there by now, he thought. His ticket and passport still sat on top of his research notes on the table. He had hated explaining to Alexi that he couldn’t make it. Alexi had sounded so disappointed; he’d wanted to run straight to the airport.

“I’m sorry Alexi; I really want to be there with you.”

“I understand,” Alexi had said. “I really do, Shane is important. Fight for him. Did Malcolm tell you what Beatrice wants?”

“I can only hope she’s finally going to approve my petition. She has been meeting with Shane and apparently, he wants to see me very much. She says Sherry and I need to prove that we can look past our differences.”

“I’m sure she’ll approve. Josh, don’t worry about me,” Alexi soothed. “We’ll make it work, okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Joshua said although he had felt like he was betraying Alexi.

He’d wanted to stand on the wings of the stage as Alexi stepped out to greet his audience. Seen him take his bow and sit on the piano. After watching Alexi struggle through his panic attacks this summer, he’d have loved to watch Alexi step out on stage with confidence and play his music. Shaking his head, he rubbed his eyes and gave a deep sigh.

“Did you eat?” Alicia interrupted his thoughts as she came into the dining room. “There is nothing in your fridge again. You’re not taking care of yourself.”

“Alicia,” he greeted her saving his work. “Did you run away from the office again?”

She sighed and held out a brown bag from a food van. “I shopped for some groceries. I figured you’d returned to your old ways without Alexi around. You’re not suited to live alone.”

Joshua smiled and reached for the bag. Dinner for one was solitary and lonely, every time he stood in the kitchen he remembered Alexi watering the herbs Alicia had planted, or making sandwiches on Sunday morning. They weren’t bad memories; instead, they were so good that they made him miss Alexi even more. He had no idea how to deal with the longing filling him daily.

Alicia pulled out a chair across him. “Did he call you today?” she asked.

“Last night, at around two in the morning, he sounded tired.” Joshua said glancing at his watch. Five o’clock here meant six a.m. for Alexi. “The time difference turns us upside down. He’s probably waking up right now.”

“He sent me pictures of the stage yesterday. The theatre is huge,” Alicia said. “I’ve been following his concert preparations every day. It looks like so much work. I’m sure his concert is going to be amazing.”

“I can’t go.” Joshua stared at the chicken sandwich she’d gotten for him. “If it weren’t for this meeting tomorrow, I’d be right there next to him. I wish I could split myself in two and be there for him.”

“Oh, Josh,” Alicia sighed. “There are seventy-nine more concerts. I’m sure you can make it to one of those.”

“But tomorrow is special,” Joshua said. “His first one in a year, he’s-, since his-,” he broke off. Alexi hadn’t told Alicia about his stage fright. It was hard to articulate what this first concert meant for Alexi. How could he not be there for him?

Alicia took his hand and squeezed gently.

“Alexi understands, Josh. No wonder he sent me a message last night. He told me to tell you that Shane is more important and not to worry,” she said with a smile. “He said he’ll wake you up at five a.m. on Skype.”

He chuckled remembering Alexi’s parting words last night. ‘Don’t sleep too hard, okay.’

“Score one for technology,” he said picking up his sandwich. “I would never have imagined myself clinging to my cellphone as much as I have this past month. My phone and my laptop, I don’t care about anything else.”

He bit into his sandwich with a sigh.

“I have an idea,” Alicia said. “I have a tech guy at work. He’ll help us find a way to watch Alexi’s concert on your flat screen in the living room. Make an occasion out of it, what do you think? It’s a great idea, right. Take your sandwich, we have work to do.”

****

“Josh, wake up,” Alicia shook him awake early the next morning. “It’s about to start, come on; Alexi wants to talk to you.”

He sat up so fast; he almost fell of the couch. Rubbing his bleary eyes, he gaped in surprise when he saw Alexi laughing on his flat screen.

“Morning,” Alexi said with a wide grin. “I told you not to sleep too hard.”

“Alexi, hi,” Joshua waved. “Where are you? Everyone’s so busy behind you.”

“We are backstage, at the Tokyu Theatre Orb, everyone behind me is part of the orchestra,” Alexi said turning his phone to the group of musicians preparing music instruments and talking. “They’re all nervous right now. Guys, wave. Say ‘hi, Josh and Alicia.’”

Joshua laughed when they all chorused ‘hi Josh and Alicia’ at the same time, it was stupendous. Alexi’s face returned on the screen. “They’re awesome, aren’t they?”

“Yes they are,” Joshua said clearing his throat. Sleep going away, now that he could see his boyfriend. “What time is the concert?”

“We have ten minutes before I have to go out there. Lily will take over in a few; I told her you had to get the best experience?”

“Alicia, you miss me?” Alexi asked waving at her. “Are you taking care of yourself and the baby?”

“Yes,” Alicia said moving to sit beside Joshua. “You look good, excited.”

“I’m excited.” Alexi grinned. “What about you, Josh? Miss me?”

“Like breathing,” Joshua said meaning it.

“Me too,” Alexi said softly. “Alicia, can you give us a moment?”

“Sure,” Alicia stood and patted Joshua’s shoulder. “I’ll go get you coffee, okay.”

When she left the living room, Alexi closed the door in what looked like a closet.

“Hey you,” Joshua said. “How are you holding up?”

“Nervous as hell,” Alexi confessed with a small chuckle. “But, I’m also excited; everyone is so supportive and positive. I think it’s going to be a great concert.”

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you,” Joshua said quietly. “I really did want to come.”

“I know,” Alexi soothed. “You have an obligation to Shane, you know that right? He’s important, so make sure you make a good impression with that mediator.”

“Don’t I always,” Joshua said.

Alexi nodded and touched the screen. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Joshua said his heart squeezing. “You’re going to be extraordinary.”

“You think so?” Alexi asked.

“I know so,” Joshua said swallowing hard. He’d give anything to hug Alexi right now. Be standing next to him, just before his concert.

There was a knock on the door on Alexi’s side and they both sighed. “Okay, I have to get busy, call Alicia back. The concert is about to start.”

“I’m here.” Alicia said coming into the living room carrying two huge red coffee mugs.

Joshua took his mug and frowned at her. “Eavesdrop much?”

She grinned at him and turned her gaze back to the screen. Alexi was walking through darkened corridors.

“So, I’m now headed to the stage entrance, the orchestra goes in before me and then I’ll make a dramatic entrance and impress the masses,” Alexi said making a face. “Hopefully, there will be no tripping or panicking. We practiced that all afternoon today.”

“You won’t fall,” Alicia told him. “What are you wearing?”

Alexi stopped under a dim light. “A tuxedo,” he said with a wide grin.

“No way,” Alicia said, “let me see.”

“I’m kidding, no tuxedo, Lily wanted me to wear one, but it didn’t fit the theme of the concert. We’re going for fun, relaxed, so I’m in a grey blazer, a white V-neck shirt, and matching trousers.”

“I like your hair,” Alicia said, “it reminds me of the beach.”

“Doesn’t it,” Alexi chuckled and continued walking. “Hear that? I don’t know if you can, but the audience is murmuring and talking. Two thousand people in there all dressed up for the occasion.”

“Did your parents make it?” Joshua asked hoping they’d made it.

“Yes,” Alexi said. “They’re seated at the front row, with their guests. Phillip brought his fiancée. If I can later, I’ll get her to talk to you. Here comes Lily.”

“Are you ready?” Lily asked him, taking the phone. She waved at them. “Hey, guys, I have to hustle Alexi away now. Alicia, I’m sending you a link for the live broadcast. You’re not going to miss a thing.”

“Thanks Lily.”

“Alexi,” Joshua said when Lily turned the phone to him. “Good luck.”

“Thank you my love,” Alexi said and waved goodbye.

The screen went dark and Alicia moved to click on the link Lily sent them.

They spent the next two hours watching Alexi’s concert. Joshua felt pride when Alexi walked on the stage, elegant and handsome; he bowed with such grace, a smile on his face. He could barely contain his joy.

Alexi sat at the white piano set before the orchestra and started playing. From the moment he struck that first key, his music filled with a sincerity that touched the heart, Joshua kept his gaze on Alexi’s face.

Even from this distance, as the camera captured his performance, Joshua could see how much Alexi loved performing. Tonight he exuded an air of confidence and charisma, captivating his audience. The orchestra adding such life to the compositions Alexi had written, most of them during their summer together. To hear them played in such a setting, Joshua couldn’t properly express the feeling in words.

When the concert ended, Alicia sat beside him with a silly smile.

“Are you sure you don’t want to move to Japan?” she asked as they watched Alexi bow to the audience. “I wouldn’t blame you, big bro. Alexi is amazing.”

Joshua shook his head, again feeling regret for not being able to congratulate Alexi on a brilliant concert. “I’m thinking about it,” Joshua said watching Alexi bow again and take the microphone Lily handed him.

The audience stood clapping, not giving him a chance to talk, a full ten minutes passed before Alexi could speak.

“Thank you very much, for your attention and your applause, you’ve made this night a success,” Alexi said in Japanese. Joshua translated for Alicia. “Tonight is special in many ways. I’d like to thank you all for coming out tonight. I’d like to thank the esteemed Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra, for their extraordinary performance. Also, I’d like to introduce, Jennifer Becket and thank her for joining me tonight, let’s give her a round of applause for her performance.”

Jennifer emerged from backstage to a thunderous applause. She bowed and thanked Alexi before she left the stage.

“Before we end tonight, I’d like to thank my family, who are with us tonight. I feel very lucky tonight, to be able to stand on such a stage and do what I love with the support from my family. Everyone, please help me thank them.”

Joshua sighed as he watched Alexi’s parents and Phillip stand. Alexi gave them a deep bow to show respect making the audience clap in approval. When they sat down, Alexi continued.

“And finally, to the special someone keeping my heart, even if you couldn’t be here tonight, you were with me every step of the way. Thank you for loving me.”

“Whoa,” Alicia exclaimed clapping happily. “Did you hear that? Josh, you’re going to be famous.”

He blushed feeling like a fan boy, his heart warming up as he watched Alexi make his exit amid another standing ovation. His phone rang and he picked it up.

“Did you watch?” Alexi’s face appeared with a wide grin. He was sweaty from the stage lights. “Did you hear?”

Joshua nodded. “You were amazing. Congratulations on a wonderful concert.”

“Yes, Alexi. Why didn’t I get a shout out?” Alicia demanded. “I’m here with the special someone.”

“I’ll make sure to give you one tomorrow.” Alexi promised with a wide grin. “Josh, I meant what I said out there.”

Joshua nodded and blew him a kiss.

“I have to go, loads of people to meet before I can leave. Call me when you finish at the court house, okay?” Alexi said his gaze imploring.

“Of course, go, meet and greet, don’t forget to get some rest,” Joshua urged.

“I don’t want to let you go,” Alexi complained.

Joshua smiled. “I have to get to my classes soon, babe. Go on, have fun.”

“Alright, take care of yourself, Alicia, you too.”

After another round of goodbyes, Joshua finally ended the call and sat back in his seat. Alexi had officially faced down his demons, he thought. Wasn’t it his turn now? Whatever the hearing brought that afternoon, he would keep fighting for Shane too.

*****

“Thank you all for coming,” Beatrice said with a small smile that afternoon. They were back in the conference room at Malcolm’s office. This time their lawyers joined them. “Joshua, I’m sorry for interrupting your plans. I tried the best I could to reschedule, but next week I have another case that’s at a critical point. Please understand.”

“It’s no trouble,” Joshua assured her.

“The past two weeks have been enlightening. I spent time with Shane; he is a well-rounded boy, doing well in school. Shane expressed a strong need to be able to see Joshua whenever he wants.”

Beatrice looked at Joshua. “You passed your evaluation. The space you’ve created for Shane in your house is more than sufficient, good job.”

Joshua smiled happily.

“Sherry, when we talked you had concerns. We’ll address them today.”

Joshua’s gaze flew to Sherry hoping she wasn’t bringing trouble.

“What are the concerns?” Malcolm asked beside him.

“Shane has an established routine,” Beatrice said. “When Shane visits Joshua, Sherry is concerned this routine might suffer. I’d advice Joshua, that during your visits and time together, that you’ll encourage Shane to keep up with routine.”

Joshua nodded in understanding. “I have no problem with that.”

“Also, Sherry is worried that you’ll make her out into a villain whenever it suits you.”

“I’d never do that,” Joshua said shaking his head.

Sherry glanced at him. “It is bound to happen when Shane comes to you with a request Mitch and I have refused. We always want the best for Shane, but you might think to-

“We’re not at war with each other here. I want what’s best for Shane too, so we can always discuss whatever decision you make like adults, come to a solution and stick to it.”

She held his gaze for a moment before she nodded and turned to Beatrice. “Will you let me tell him the last one?”

“Sure, go ahead.” Beatrice said.

“I’ve tried to protect Shane when it comes to telling him the truth about why we’re not together anymore. He doesn’t know about you being-,” Sherry broke off and met his gaze for a moment. “He doesn’t know about you. Please, can you let me tell him at my own time?”

“I won’t lie to him if he asks,” Joshua said quietly. “Don’t ask me to lie to him.”

She paused and for a moment, he thought she might refuse. “Fine, but only if he asks,” Sherry insisted.

He nodded and turned to Beatrice. “What now?”

“Sherry Martin is to allow Joshua Randolph access to the minor Shane.”

Joshua clutched Malcolm’s hand in shock.

Beatrice leaned her elbows on the table and said, “An angry, betrayed woman forced a father and son apart seeking retribution. Not realizing that in the end, she was hurting her son the most. I have seen many injustices caused by divorce but I hate it most when it ends up being one you could avoid.”

Beatrice paused and turned to look at Sherry before she continued.

“Joshua’s decision to divorce you was personal, and yes, it must have hurt you very much to watch him walk away. But you caused more hurt by keeping him away from Shane. I’ve listened to your concerns and the arguments your husband gave me when I visited your home. From what I’ve seen of Joshua’s character, he is a man with strong principles, highly respected by his colleagues and the students in the university. He is loyal to his family and sure of what he wants in life. Shane has a lot to gain from spending time with him. When I visited his house, not once did he say a word against you or your husband. His main concern was Shane, always.”

When Sherry started to talk, Beatrice lifted her hand to stop her and shook her head.

“There is nothing more to say in this case. Joshua is entitled to time with Shane and I expect no interference with the schedule we’ll create. It is your duty to make sure that he’s not having a hard time with this new change. I’m recommending a six-month period of evaluation. I want to see you two working together to make Shane’s life happy. No fights, no negative talk about each other, I expect both of you to put Shane first. Is that understood?”

Sherry sighed and nodded. When Beatrice turned to him, he nodded because he couldn’t trust himself to talk without bursting into tears.

“Alright,” Beatrice said gathering her documents. “Despite the problems between you, I’ve seen that you both care for Shane very much, which makes him a very lucky boy. Take good care of him. We’ll now work out a schedule that suits you both and Shane.”

“Can I pick him up tomorrow?” Joshua asked eagerly, “it’s a Saturday, and we can-

“Sure,” Sherry nodded. “The afternoon is best; he’s got soccer practice in the morning.”

Joshua breathed out slowly, the light at the end of this tunnel too bright; he couldn’t believe this was real. Malcolm patted his hand and smiled.

The next couple of minutes went by in a daze. Sherry shook his hand and left the room flanked by her lawyer. Malcolm congratulated him and hurried out to finish with Beatrice. Standing up, Joshua moved to stare out the windows. The fates had seen fit to give him another chance with Shane. He smiled at the sunny afternoon, taking his phone; he wrote Alexi a quick message and called his mother to share the good news.

****

‘Sherry agreed to let me see Shane again! Wish you were here to share this. I’m so happy; call me when you wake up.’

Alexi smiled as he reread Joshua’s message. He was glad something good had come from Joshua missing his trip to Japan. Joshua with Shane again, he couldn’t stop smiling. He’d called Joshua when he first saw the message. Joshua’s house was full of excitement; Eve was planning to cook up a storm in celebration. He wished he could be there to hug Joshua and Shane.

“I can’t thank you enough for this new PR nightmare,” Lily complained as she walked into the dining room. “Did you have to make a love declaration on national television? Everyone wants to know who this special person is.”

Alexi ate his fruit in silence watching her sort through the many lists they’d created to manage the stage production, and the daily activities. “It will die down; they’ll completely forget I said it.”

“I’d like to pull you out of that hole you’ve stuck your head in,” Lily said with a scowl. “Your declaration last night is the most searched for item online at the moment. They’re speculating whom this special someone is. Jeez, you drive me nuts.”

He laughed and stretched his arms above his head. “Lily, celebrate the big things. I got on stage last night and killed the panic dragon. Joshua got the chance to spend time with his son. Isn’t that a great thing? Besides, if they find out about Josh, my fans can crush on both of us. We should celebrate.”

“I am ecstatic, even Mariko Hondo is singing praises in her article this morning. Congratulations,” Lily said handing him the morning paper. “But, we’re just starting. Seventy-nine more concerts to go. As of now, though, no more declarations without telling me first, you hear. Have pity, Alexi.”

He straightened the paper and opened to page six again. Mariko had gone all out with the photographs from last night’s concert, but none held his interest as his thoughts turned to Joshua. All he could think about was how much he wanted to be with Joshua, celebrating with him.

****

Three months, two days, eight hours, he could count the minutes but that was too pathetic. Joshua watched Shane run in the park to retrieve the football they were tossing. That’s how long since he’d held Alexi in his arms, he couldn’t even believe it sometimes. No matter how many emails, text messages, Skype sessions or pictures they send each other, it wasn’t the same as being in the same space. He hadn’t been able to get time away. Between weekends with Shane and a full schedule at the university, he hadn’t managed to get time away to visit Alexi.

Alexi’s tour had intensified. His poor boyfriend was constantly on the road, big theatres, small venues, and stadiums, Alexi tried to document it all and share it with him. Thursday evening, this last week, Alexi’s bus had blown a tire in the middle of the highway. He’d watched with worry as Alexi nagged the driver, and two other men Alexi called his security fix the tire. They’d been out in the rain and Lily had kept warning Alexi to get out of the cold rain. Despite Alexi getting in the way, they’d finally managed to get back on the road. He hoped Alexi hadn’t caught a cold.

Shane called out and threw the ball to him. He smiled and caught it. Tossing the ball back to Shane, he laughed when the boy caught it and jogged toward him. He marveled at how Shane grew taller every day. He was half-afraid one of these days he’d blink and find Shane towering over him. His life was good on the surface, he supposed. Being with Shane, it was as though their time apart had never been.

“I’m starving.” Shane said when he reached him.

“Let’s go get a chicken sub,” he said knowing Shane would like that. The boy was always complaining about veggies at home. He’d discovered sandwiches were the best way to get Shane to eat lettuce.

“Will you order one with loads of onions too?” Shane asked.

“Mountains,” Joshua promised with a laugh. Alicia was finding this crazy fetish with onions disturbing. “I hope you don’t mind my onion breath,” he said to Shane.

“Never,” Shane said hugging the ball. “Aunt Alicia calls it stinky breath.”

“That’s coz she hates onions,” Joshua said taking Shane’s hand as they walked by the busy fountain at Washington Square. The piano man was playing Mozart in the park. His heart squeezed tight. Yes, he was happy he had Shane, but he still didn’t have Alexi with him.

“Dad,” Shane said tugging his hand when he stopped. “Are you alright?”

He glanced at Shane noting the worried frown. “I’m just fine, kiddo. I just remembered someone.”

“Is it Uncle Alexi?” Shane asked as they kept walking out of the park.

“Yes,” Joshua said.

“When is he coming back?” Shane asked.

Alicia had shown Shane dozens of videos with Alexi playing his concerts, or showing them the towns he was visiting through his tour. Shane had especially fallen in love when Alexi had sent him a video of the fastest train in Japan. Shane wanted a chance to ride on it.

“I don’t know.” Joshua answered painfully. “He’s touring right now. It’s hard for him to leave Japan.”

“Can we go visit him for Halloween?” Shane asked hopeful.

“Maybe during your December holidays,” Joshua said. “Would you like that?”

“I think it would be cool!” Shane said.

Joshua laughed at the enthusiastic answer. Holding Shane’s hand securely, he pushed his melancholy thoughts away and concentrated on having a great day out with Shane.

****

“Alexander Kotaru is in Osaka. Kotaru-san’s hometown, everyone is excited that he’s brought his concert here. Three days at the Osaka Dome, we’ll have an interview with him before the concert tomorrow night. Don’t miss it.”

Lily turned off the television and threw the remote on the couch. Alexi lay on the bed with a cold compress on his forehead. “How are you feeling, can you talk?”

“Of course I can talk.” Alexi croaked out like a toad. He coughed and rolled over on the bed taking off the wet towel. “Although I might scare everyone away, do I have to do that interview; I can just do the concert.”

“Have you heard of fan service? It’s a big thing that goes towards getting people in the seats, my dear. I have to find a cure for you.” Lily sighed and touched his forehead. “You shouldn’t have stayed out in the rain. I told you the driver could fix the tires, but you had to jump in and meddle. Now look at you.”

“Your bedside manner is lacking.” Alexi complained tugging the blankets closer. He was so cold. Shuddering, he closed his eyes and said, “Call Joshua for me, or better, bring him here and I’ll be fine.”

“We’ve tried to bring Joshua here five times. I’m starting to get a complex. If it’s not Shane, it’s his meetings, different projects.” Lily sighed. “Let’s just not talk about that right now. Why are you so grumpy when you get sick?” Lily teased although he noted her frown when she touched his forehead again. “I’ll call the doctor; we need to get your fever down.”

Alexi watched her leave the bedroom before he reached for his phone on the bedside table. Dialing Joshua, he sat up and leaned on the headboard.

“Alexi?”

Joshua’s voice healed most of his aches although his head felt heavy and his chest burned.

“Did I wake you up?” he asked, hating that his voice was hoarse and scratchy. He tried to clear it.

“No, why do you sound like that?” Joshua asked.

“I ate a toad,” Alexi answered with a laugh that quickly turned into a cough that he suppressed ruthlessly. “I missed hearing your voice. What are you doing?”

“Watching Alicia making a Halloween costume, I’m not sure what she wants to be,” Joshua said with mild amusement. “Where are you?”

“Osaka, close to home,” he answered. “I’m here for three days starting tomorrow, then a day off, maybe I’ll go to my house.”

“Alexi, you sound sick,” Joshua said quietly.

“It’s just a small cold. Tell me about Alicia, what is she making? Are you at her house?”

“Yeah, she’s throwing a Halloween party. I think she wants to be a nurse, but I told her that might be a problem especially since her belly started showing.”

Alexi laughed biting back another cough. “She can be the sexy mamma.”

“I’m not telling her that, it will put ideas in her head.”

“What about Shane? How are you two doing? Did you go to the park like you said you would?”

“Yes, we played ball, had chicken sandwiches with mountains of onions. I took him home and he made me promise to take him out bowling next week.”

“I’m glad I’m not beside you, onion breath must be overkill tonight.” Alexi teased.

“I brushed my teeth afterwards.” Joshua complained. “We saw the piano man. He’s still playing Mozart in the park. Shane said he’d love to come visit you in December.”

“Just Shane,” Alexi said with a frown. He’d waited so long for Joshua; he was starting to hate all the obligations that were tying his boyfriend’s time.

“I’d love to come sooner, Alexi. You know that right?”

“Can you come today? Right now, I miss you so much.” Letting out a sigh, he looked around his hotel room feeling lonely.

“You want me to come right now?” Joshua asked.

“Yes, right now.” Alexi said petulantly. He wanted to have Joshua lying next to him, see him, and touch him. “I’m sorry, I’m just-

“You’re not fine,” Joshua interrupted him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Alexi deflected with a sigh. “I’m- I’m just tired. We got to Osaka town late last night. I should be sleeping; this weekend will be hectic. Will you kiss Alicia hello for me?”

“Sure,” Joshua said sounding distracted. “Alexi, I love you.”

“I love you too. Have fun at the Halloween party.”

He hung up abruptly, staring at his phone with dejection. Joshua sounded happy. So happy, Alexi was a little jealous. Here he was, sick in bed, lonely, he slid down on the bed and hugged a pillow. Closing his eyes, he felt his heart break. He wanted to go home to Joshua.

****

“What’s wrong with him?” Joshua demanded when he got a hold of Lily a few minutes later. “And don’t tell me ‘nothing’ because that’s what he said and I don’t believe him.”

Lily sighed. “He has a cold, Josh. I made him stay in bed, but he’s a grumpy patient.”

“What happened to him?” Joshua paced Alicia’s living room. “Is he not eating right? Is he taking care of himself on the road?”

“We do our best. He got a cold from staying in the rain helping the driver. Now he’s sick and in bed. I have a doctor on the way, we’ll fix him up.”

Joshua closed his eyes and thought about Alexi sick in bed. He paced Alicia’s living room, thinking about Alexi’s plea for him to visit. Shaking his head, he said to Lily, “I want to come, can you help me?”

“Are you sure?” Lily asked. “The last five times we’ve tried, your schedule hasn’t allowed it.”

“I’m serious, Lily. Please, don’t make me beg. He sounds terrible, and I miss him. I’ll deal with whatever consequences I leave here when I get back.”

“Alright, let me call you back.” Lily hung up and he turned to look at Alicia. His sister sat on the couch surrounded by material, feathers, and threads.

“What’s happened?” Alicia asked when she glanced up to find him watching her.

“I’m going to Japan,” he said abruptly. “I’m sorry to leave you like this, but-

She jumped over the material and came to hug him tight. “It’s about time. You’ve been moping around for weeks now. Go see how he’s doing. Give him a huge hug from me.”

Joshua laughed and kissed her cheek. He hurried out of her house, and was in a cab headed to his house to pack when Lily called him back.

****