Standing In Shadows - 23. Chapter 23

SIS 23

The cold air made me shiver after leaving the heat of the outside. I put Trouble down and she sniffed around the hardwood floor. I filled her water bowl with water from the sink. I turned to see Clinton watching me; his expression unreadable. I wondered what he was thinking, but I knew what he had wanted outside. Now that I was in his house, my nervousness threatened to take over. I didn't want to second guess myself right now. I wanted to just smile and follow him to the upstairs bathroom where we had first messed around. Maybe he was scared too, maybe he thought I would laugh and tell him to take me home.

I didn't want to go home though.

The day hadn't been all that great either. His surprise with the motorcycle and the run in with Dad had me in a bad mood. I wanted to be happy that it wasn't with a guy I didn't know. Clinton having it though didn't make it mine. It had been important to me for so long, it was something Mom gave me and I wanted it back. I knew he would give it to me if I asked for it, he probably bought it for me, but my reaction caused him to claim it for himself. I wouldn't have been able to pay him back and Dad wouldn't have allowed me to keep it. He had been happy showing it to me. Maybe I could be happy with him owning it.

“What?” I asked standing by the sink in the kitchen. He shrugged his shoulders looking unsure of himself. He looked ready to bolt from the room. He shouldn't have been scared, he had always been the one to initiate the moments we've had so far. I watched him open his mouth to say something, then close it again, a blush creeping across his face. Then I heard him cuss under his breath and before I knew it he was rushing towards me. When his body collided with mine, I grunted and the weight of him pushed me back against the sink. His hands found my face and he pressed his lips hard against mine. He was breathing heavily, with a shakiness. I could feel the tension in his body subside when my hand went to his waist holding him there. He kissed me again, softer this time. Then I felt him smile.

“You've been having a shit day, I hope this makes up for it,” Clinton said, letting his hands drop to my shoulder and side. I felt myself shudder.

“I'll let you know,” I responded, and he laughed, then his eyes were on mine again.

“I never thought I'd find someone else here,” Clinton whispered, “I thought I'd have to wait for all this.”

“I never really gave it much thought,” I said, “Dad kept pushing cheerleaders at me, I had no time to think about what I wanted.”

“It is nice though,” he countered then he squinted, doubt slipping into his thoughts.

“It is,” I said, offering him a smile. “I never would have thought it would be with you though.”

“Not at all,” he agreed and we both looked at one another smiling. I could nearly see him reliving the last three years of High School. Him and Cj were the two people that annoyed the hell out of me most of the time. The way Cj treated me and everyone else and the way Clinton always went along with everything he did. Cj was like that with other people besides me, the ones that threatened to overtake his spotlight in any such way. He never would believe it if I told him I didn't care.

Clinton kissing my cheek just beside my lips brought me back to his kitchen. Both of our faces were flushed, but not from the heat. I still felt clumsy, but kissing a guy didn't feel out of place to me anymore. The strength of his lips and the stubble on his face seemed to wake things inside me that never did when I was kissing girls. It may not have felt right at first, being such a new sensation. The more it happened though the more I liked the difference and although the nervousness was there when I kissed Jenny and the excitement as well, kissing Clinton and even Greg had amplified the feelings. At times it felt like they were taking over, I was definitely more aware of them. Every kiss sent a tingling shudder through me, it wasn't something my body seemed to get used to.

My back was beginning to hurt, his enthusiasm after the first kiss hadn't subsided any. Really focusing on him now, I pushed against him reaching down with my unbroken arm I tugged at the hem of his shirt. Feeling me struggle with it he took a step back and both of us awkwardly pulled it over his head. I took my chance with the brief separation to push against him as he pulled my shirt over my head, I pushed him against the kitchen counter. He grunted when my body crashed against his then I heard the back of his head hit the kitchen cabinet. I heard him suck in a breath and I watched him reach up and rub the back of his head, but he only stopped kissing me for a second.

I could feel the warmth of him with our bodies pressed against each other now that our shirts were off. I could feel every breath he took and the racing of his heart when my hand came to rest on his chest. I could also feel his erection pressed against my thigh and every time I moved my leg he'd let out a quick grunt and kiss me harder than the one before. The kitchen was too bright and open and not the best place for what we were doing, but neither of us made a move towards the stairs. It was when Trouble let out a bark that being in the kitchen bothered me. I turned to see her sitting at the entrance looking at us. When she had our attention she got up and with her tail wagging she pranced up to our feet and and playfully started attacking our ankles. I took a step back, smiling when I heard Clinton groan.

“Go play,” he said gently shoving her aside with his foot. I let him take my hand and lead me towards the stairs. Being small we were up at the top of the stairs before she got halfway. I was surprised that I could ignore her whimpering as easily as I did.

I had expected Clinton to lead me towards the bathroom. The thought of us in the shower was what caused me to step through the door to begin with. Now that he was leading me towards his bedroom, I got nervous. He looked back at me with the same unreadable expression on his face that he had in the kitchen before he mustered up his courage. I smiled knowing if I talked my voice would crack, but I didn't resist him. When we were in his room with the door shut the brightness of his bedroom caused me to squint. His thin white curtains were no match for the summer sun outside. The walls were also a soft white along with his bed covers. Even though we were upstairs with more privacy, the large white room felt more open and exposed than the kitchen. I felt my breathing quicken. He stepped towards the bed and my arm became outstretched as I took a moment to look around. I saw that he had pulled out a small stack of games and the Xbox controller was laying on the floor. He had left the game paused, like he made a quick decision and decided to leave the house in a hurry. I looked over at him to see him looking between me and the paused game on his television, dimmed because it had sat idle too long and went into energy saving mode.

“Do you want to play it?” Clinton asked, his voice nearly catching in his throat.

“No,” I answered and I felt him gently pull my hand. I finally allowed myself to be led to the bed and he started kissing me again when we were both beside it. His covers were still unmade, rumpled and wrinkled. He gently pushed me backwards until my knees hit the edge. I felt him reach down as he tugged on my shorts. I kicked off my shoes as he tugged on them. Then I lost my balance and sat down on the bed to keep from falling.

“Sorry,” he said laughing slightly. Then he knelt down between my knees. I shuddered and sucked in a ragged breath when his hands rubbed their way from the top of my knees to my thighs. He gently pushed them apart leaning forward he placed his lips on me through the fabric of my cotton boxer briefs. Even though I watched him do it I still jumped and rolled my eyes at my nerves. It caused him to smile, but he didn't stop what he was doing. Instead he opened his mouth and I could feel the warmth of his breath. After a few hesitant movements without me jumping he began to move with more intention. He slid his hands to my waist band and I lifted off the bed so that he could pull down my underwear. He wasn’t careful this time, now that I was naked I fought back another shudder. I didn’t want to show him just how nervous I still was. Even though I knew we already did this, it seemed different now than it did in the shower. I almost wished we were back there instead of in his bedroom. The bed seemed too large and too comfortable for what was happening.

I let out my breath I didn’t know I was holding. He stood quickly removing his own clothes. Then he leaned down and kissed me hard on the lips. He put his hand on my chest and gently pushed me until I started moving. We both awkwardly crawled farther onto the bed. I reached over and grabbed a pillow and shoved it under my head. Then he kissed and licked his way back down my body, goosebumps rushed to the surface of my skin. I let out an involuntary grunt when his mouth met my cock again. He slowly worked his lips and tongue over me as he moved his head up and down. Slowly and cautious, like he didn’t want to push me too far over the edge. I closed my eyes, the entire sensation seemed amplified in his quiet bedroom, both of us dry and there was no sound of trickling water or steam numbing my senses. I reached out beside me and clutched the covers forgetting about my broken arm until a small jolt of pain shot up my arm. I let out a groan then hoped he thought it was for what he was doing.

When I was getting close Clinton slowed down then when he stopped completely I opened my eyes to see him watching me. I could feel the rigid tenseness of my body relaxing now that he stopped. He only smiled and moved to straddle me, his ass sliding against my cock causing me to suck in a breath. His smile broadened as he rocked his hips back and forth causing me to slide between him, his spit acting as lubrication. He seemed to be watching me, my hands still on the bed, my unbroken arm still clutching the covers. He looked down at it then back at my face. Then Clinton seemed to tire of his careful waiting and bent down towards me. I finally released my grip on his cover and I slid my hand up over his side and back as he started grinding against me with more power behind the thrusts.

“Have you done this before?” I asked, my voice failing to get above a whisper.

“No, how could I have?” he answered, glancing up to look at me before sliding off me to the side closer to the headboard. I watched as he rolled over and I leaned over to try and see what he was doing when I heard his nightstand drawer slide open.

“What are you doing?” I asked and I felt my heart rate quicken even faster than it already was.

“Getting what we need,” he answered and I jumped when I heard the drawer close. When he rolled back to me I saw the plastic wrapper of a condom and a small bottle of lube.

“I don’t really…” I started then watched him tear the condom wrapper. He did it too forcefully and caused the condom to fly out of the wrapper. I involuntarily jumped again when it landed on my stomach. He laughed as he picked the condom up.

“Do you want to...?” He asked, holding up the condom.

“What?” I asked, not able to look at him. I was ashamed at my reluctance resurfacing now. I should have been wanting all this, but all I could feel was the anxiety. It didn’t help keep the mood at all and I saw that I had lost my erection completely. “Have you always had that stuff in your drawer?”

“I did some shopping,” he said smiling. He seemed too confident about everything, which made me feel worse. I laid back staring up at the ceiling, I let out a sigh feeling the embarrassment of my hesitation washing over me..

I was actually relieved when I heard him sigh as well and sit down on the bed. I looked over at him to see him fumbling the condom with his thumb and finger. He was watching me and I could see him fighting to hide the frustration.

“Sorry,” I said, my voice cracking.

“Don’t be,” he answered, offering me a tight smile.

“So much for raging hormones,” I said and he gave me a weak smirk. “Dad should feel good about all the ‘don’t get a girl pregnant speeches,’ he’s probably ruined me.”

“Probably,” Clinton said and when I frowned he slid his fingers down my side tickling me. I elbowed his hand away and sat up.. Then I slid completely off the bed and reached for my underwear, then I felt him grab my shoulder. “We can still shower.”

“I don’t have any clean clothes here,” I said, “I probably need to get back home anyway.”

“Ok,” he said, not hiding his disappointment for my benefit this time.

“It’s not too far of a walk you don’t have to take me,” I said sliding my underwear on, the wet spot in the front left from his lips caused me to blush again.

“It’s like three miles, I think,” Clinton said, “don’t go running off, I’m not mad or anything.”

“I know,” I said, not really believing him. I wanted to leave, I didn’t trust myself around him right now. My own frustration threatened to take over and it wouldn’t have done either of us any good.

“If you didn’t want to do anything, all you had to do is say so,” Clinton said, grabbing my arm again when I started to walk out of the room.

“I know,” I said, forcing a quick smile. “I’m not completely comfortable with all this, no matter how bad I want to be.”

“Ok,” he said and when he bent down to gather up his own clothes I opened the door. Trouble had been on the outside of it whimpering. When the door opened she jumped and started running around my feet making short jabs with her teeth at my toes and wagging her tail so hard her whole body shook.

“Jenny said she could stay with the others in the basement tonight while we do the break in thing,” Clinton said and hearing him speak she bounced over to him. He was still naked and clutching his clothes. I wanted to laugh when I saw him cover himself with his clothes, but my exasperation with myself didn’t allow me to. “Let me get dressed and I’ll take you home.”

“I’m walking,” I said, “I need to clear my head anyway.”

“I’d feel bad,” he countered frowning, “it’s too hot anyway.”

“I’ll be fine,” I argued waving my hand as I slipped my shoes on. I called for Trouble and she followed me down the stairs. I grabbed her things and scooped her up, dodging her as she tried to lick my face and walked out the door.

Jenny lived a short distance from Clinton, everyone did on this street, properties divided by chain link or white picket fences. Clinton’s house was the rare house that didn’t have either, but Jenny’s house had a white picket fence and the other neighbor on his other side had a chain link dividing the three properties. I walked on the sidewalk over to the house, relieved when I saw her car parked out front.

When I was close to the house I let Trouble down and she followed me to the front door and barked when I knocked. It wasn’t long after that I heard someone coming to the door. I hoped it was Jenny, I didn’t feel like explaining myself to her parents and was relieved when she opened the door.

“Hi Corey,” she greeted, then she looked behind me probably expecting Clinton. Then she surprised me and wrapped me into a hug with a quick kiss on my cheek. “You stink.”

“Thanks,” I said smiling.

“Not a bad smell, really manly,” she said, “kind of sexy really, but definitely teetering on funky.”

“It doesn’t take long in this heat,” I said and she nodded then looked down at Trouble.

“I see you got my message about letting her have a sleepover,” Jenny said and she opened the door wider. Seeing the open door Trouble bounced in. Jenny took the food and toys from me then looked around the driveway. “Where’s your car?”

“At the apartment,” I answered and I saw her glance towards Clinton’s house.

“Clinton taking you home?” She asked, glancing down at her watch. It was still too early to start really getting ready for what we were doing tonight. She was dressed in a dark green tank top and a pair of pink shorts. Her feet were bare and her hair was up in a haphazard ponytail. She also smelled of chlorine from the pool and sunblock.

“No, I’m walking,” I said, “it’s not too far.”

“Yeah it is,” she said, “like five miles…”

“Closer to three,” I countered smiling, “it’s not too bad.”

“Did you and him have a fight?” Jenny asked, then stepped closer to me, her voice was lower and I wondered if her Mom was close by.

“No,” I answered shrugging. I didn’t want her thinking anything.

“I can take you home,” she said, “you’ll like die in this heat.”

“Dad’s summer camp is just as hot, I’ll be ok,” I said rolling my eyes.

“Stubborn ass,” she said holding up a finger she stepped back into the house and disappeared. I stepped forward and looked inside. I saw Trouble sniffing the couch, Jenny’s cat staring down at her from the arm it’s fluffy black tail flopping from side to side. Jenny had walked into the kitchen, I could hear her footsteps against the hardwood. When she stepped around the corner she was holding a bottle of water. I dodged the cold bottle when she shoved it at me.

“Thank you,” I offered as she wiped the cold condensation the bottle left on her hands on her shorts. I tried not to smile, knowing a wet hand print would be visible on her shorts right along her butt cheek.

“I’ll take care of the brat,” Jenny said, nodding towards Trouble. “If you need to talk about why Clinton isn’t driving you home, I’ll listen.”

“It’s nothing,” I said and again she rolled her eyes.

“You’re a bad liar Corey, always have been,” she countered, “you also have that deer in the headlights look about you.”

“I’ll see you later tonight,” I said offering her a smile wondering just how easy I am to read. It wasn’t the first time, Mom always seemed to know when I was upset and worse, Dad did as well. I wondered what else people could read into by watching me. Jenny didn’t know I was about to bolt from her before Junior Prom, but she did catch on that I was gay. Clinton didn’t seem too worried about kissing me either until I didn’t react to the kiss the right way. Greg also seemed to know and at least have enough courage to kiss me too. People usually didn’t do that sort of thing unless they wanted their asses kicked in for them, yet two guys that didn’t really know me did. I shook my head when the regret of not kicking their asses came to mind.

She dismissed me with a smile and a wave and I turned and jogged through her small front lawn to the sidewalk. I turned to look at Clinton’s house as I headed back home. His truck was still in the driveway. I half expected to see him standing outside waiting for me, but he wasn’t there and I didn’t look closer, afraid to see him watching from a window. I quickened my pace after I got past his house. The heat was baking my skin causing me to sweat. I wasn’t thinking about my cast when I wanted to bolt from Clinton’s house and walk home. My skin beneath the cast was starting to itch and sweat kept sliding down my forehead. I grabbed the bottom of my shirt, wiping it away before it could get into my eyes.

Growing angry at myself for not being ready for what everyone else seemed ready to do I started jogging. I didn’t know why I was so afraid, I had already accepted that this is what I wanted. That I trusted and liked Clinton. That I was turned on by the idea of having sex with him outside on his front porch and in the kitchen. I shook my head, twisting the bottle cap, breaking the plastic seal. I took a few drinks not wanting to waste the water by pouring it over my head, even though I wanted to feel the relief the cold water would bring. I didn’t really know how far the apartment would be from Clinton’s house. I had never really paid attention to mile markers. In a town this small they really didn’t matter much.

Then I heard a car coming up the road from behind. I looked back expecting Clinton or even Jenny. They both seemed more worried about the heat of the day and my walk than I was, now that I was sweating and baking in the sun, but it wasn’t either of them. It was a dark green Jeep, the sight of it made my stomach flutter and just as I was about to convince myself that it couldn’t be the same Jeep it went past me, then the driver slammed on the brakes causing the wheels to squeal before coming to a complete stop. I slowed to a walk when the door opened and Greg stepped out. He threw his sunglasses onto the front seat leaving the door open.

“There you are,” he said, stepping onto the sidewalk to stand in front of me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, shaking my head slightly when I heard the harshness of my voice. I was winded from my jog and the sweat had started running down my face more. I wanted out of the heat.

“Amy dumped me,” he said looking me over. “I see you still have a broken arm.”

“They don’t heal so fast,” I said glancing down at my cast.

“I went by your house, but it was empty and the store was too,” he said, reaching up and scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah,” I said, glancing at the Jeep in the middle of the road. Only in a town this small would no one be driving by forcing Greg to have to get back inside and drive away.

“I actually called my Grandma to see if she knew,” he added, “she told me that you’re living in some apartment building in town, but I didn’t know which one.”

“Why are you looking for me?” I asked my breathing finally evening out from the exertion. The question seemed to throw him off, but then he smiled looking down at his feet then back to me.

“I’ve never stopped thinking about you,” he answered and I closed my mouth before I could say anything. “Do you want to do something later?”

“I can’t,” I answered and he cocked an eyebrow.

“You don’t want to see me,” he said, “I know we left on bad terms.”

“You left because you were engaged to Amy,” I said shaking my head. “It had nothing to do with me, not really and I really do have plans tonight.”

“Oh,” he said smiling again. I didn’t want him thinking I would be open to anything later when I didn’t have plans, but his smile seemed hopeful. I felt myself wanting to explain why I couldn’t be with him tonight, but stopped myself.

“I need to get going,” I said, “and you probably should get out of the road.”

“Yeah,” he said looking at the Jeep like he had forgotten all about it. “Do you need a ride?”

“I’m sweaty,” I said moving to step past him, but he blocked my way.

“I can put a towel over the seat, I don’t really care,” he said and I looked past him hoping I could see that we were closer to town, but all I saw were lawns and the houses. I hadn’t even gotten to the small forest that did slightly divide the town and the houses on this street.

“Alright,” I said sighing. I followed him to the Jeep then walked around to the passenger side. He put a towel over the seat and I slid in and closed the door behind me. He slid his sunglasses back over his eyes, but he hadn’t stopped smiling yet and I knew I was in for some rough times ahead. I didn’t need Greg coming back. I had written him off for good and was happy about it. What we had wasn’t anything, I thought. It had obviously been to him though and back then it was to me as well. All of it wasn’t anything substantial though, nothing really. Just cold lake water and a thunderstorm in a tent. For some reason though thinking back on those times made my heart skip.

“So what are you doing later exactly?” Greg asked and I looked down at my hands in my lap.

“Going out with Jenny and some friends,” I answered frowning, knowing why I didn’t name Clinton instead.

“I need to catch up with my Grandma anyway,” Greg said, “after calling her she got to fussing about me not stopping in more.”

“Don’t you live really far away from here?” I asked, growing calmer as we got closer to town. It wouldn’t be long now.

“I lived with Amy, I’m moving in with Mom until the new semester starts,” he said glancing at me. “She’s never really home, she’s been trying to catch a new husband for years.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling my face flush.

“So where do you live in town?” He asked as we passed the welcome sign. I let out a sigh of relief.

“Beside the public parking,” I answered grimacing. Everyone from here knew it was a terrible place to live, but he didn’t say anything as we approached the parking lot. He went past it and parked by the sidewalk.

“Here you are,” he said, “when do you think we can talk?”

“I don’t know that I want to,” I answered, “but thanks for the ride.”

“You can forgive me right?” He asked sliding his sunglasses off to look at me. Seeing his brown eyes unhidden and hopeful made me hesitate.

“I have moved on,” I answered feeling better about leaving Clinton out now that I owned up to being with someone else.

“We can still talk,” he said, “I don’t like how we left things.”

“Ok,” I said, “give me a few days.”

“Thank you,” he said and I nodded and got out of the car. He waved when I started up the old rusty stairs. I never thought the apartment would be a welcoming place, but for this one moment I couldn’t wait until I had the door closed behind me. Mom and Dad weren’t home as I leaned against it shaking my head. Then I glanced over at the microwave clock and sighed. I no longer wanted to go out tonight but I knew I had to. It would hurt too many people not to and I needed to go to keep my reason for not being free to talk to Greg entact. So I finally sighed and pushed myself off the door, pulling my shirt over my head as I headed towards the bathroom to take a shower.

After my shower and after I fixed myself a sandwich Mom and Dad came home. She offered me a smile as she sat her purse down on the kitchen counter that divided the kitchen from the living room. Dad ignored me sitting at the table as he opened the refrigerator door and grabbed a beer. Mom rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything as she sat down beside me.

“So what did you do today?” She asked and I saw Dad shoot me a glare.

“I went to the football field then hung out with some friends,” I answered shrugging.

“Sounds better than all the paperwork I had to do today,” she said nudging me with her shoulder.

“Did you ever break into the school?” I asked not remembering if Mom ever told me anything about it. I knew Dad had.

“Yeah a few times,” she said smiling. When I looked surprised she rolled her eyes. “I was young once too and it’s tradition.”

“So you wouldn’t say no if I told you I was going to?” I asked and for a moment I thought she was going to tell me not to.

“You’re not going to do anything too rowdy are you?” Mom asked, cocking an eyebrow and studying me.

“Let the boy get out and live a little,” Dad said and I was surprised by his reaction. I had expected a lecture from him.

“No, probably just some basketball or something,” I said shrugging, “we’ve all heard the stories, so.”

“If your ass ends up in jail you’re staying until they throw your ass out,” Dad said after taking a drink of his beer. “If they get too wild, you leave.”

“I’m surprised you’re telling me I can do it,” I said looking at Mom. She shrugged her shoulders.

“I’d rather you not and I feel like a bad mom encouraging you,” she said looking across the table at Dad. “But I know you’ll behave yourself as much as possible.”

“You give him too much credit,” Dad grunted, “remember what I said.”

“I know,” I said standing up from the kitchen table before Dad really did set in with a lecture. Now that I no longer had to think up an excuse for going out so late, part of me wanted to go again. I won’t ever tell anyone that I asked my parents’ permission, I doubted anyone would believe me that Dad would let me go, let alone Mom. At least I was getting in on one of the traditions of our high school. The anticipation was almost overpowering enough for me to forget the rest of the day and I hoped as the evening approached it would.