Standing In Shadows - 27. Chapter 27

SIS 27

The sun was just beginning to set when I made my way out of town, casting shadows and an orange glow on everything. I almost turned around every chance I got. I didn’t want to see Clinton, not really. I had to know if I had reasons to doubt him though. All those things he did I’d forgiven him for, but should I have? He had pushed me into the river and broke my arm. He had talked badly about me and laughed along with Cj’s jabs. He never defended me. With all that how could he have made such promises and why was I trying to hold him to them?

When I arrived at his house I saw that his truck was backed into the drive with the boat still latched to it. What made my gut twist though was Jenny standing with Clinton at his front door with a dog on a leash in her hand. The dog barked a few times as I slowed down and pulled in beside the truck. Knowing I didn’t have time to settle my nerves before they came over I sighed and stepped out of my car and walked around the front of the truck.

They both turned and watched me, Clinton looking worried, but a little relieved to see me. Jenny on the other hand looked pissed and I wondered why she was over here. Her going out of her way to defend me crossed my mind, but I thought if she was it would only make things worse. I hadn’t really told her what happened.

“Hi Corey,” she said offering me a smile. The dog darted to the end of the leash trying to greet me as well, but Jenny gently tugged her back.

“New rescue?” I asked and I saw her shoot a sideways glare at Clinton. When I looked over at him his shoulders slumped and he seemed unwilling to look at me.

“Of sorts,” Jenny said, sounding a little unsure of herself. “It could be looked at as stealing too.”

“What?” I asked looking down at the dog. The dog looked to be in good health, it’s tongue lolling out as it panted. “Jenny whose dog did you steal?”

“Meet Trouble’s mother,” Jenny said, crossing her arms. “I had a little talk with Cj’s mother when I went over to see about what Katy and Amber said.”

“And you think Cj did it?” I asked, reaching down I let the dog sniff my hand.

“Cj is going to be so pissed,” Clinton said, “why did you have to take her?”

“Clinton don’t you start again,” Jenny hissed glaring at him. He seemed to shrink away from her. “You may be scared of Cj, but I’m sure as hell not.”

“You stole the Mayor’s dog!” Clinton countered shaking his head. “She is probably expensive, you can get into trouble.”

“All it would take is a simple blood sample and he could be in more trouble,” Jenny argued, sounding proud of herself. “Come on, two of the puppies look just like her and Cj’s mom told me she told him to get rid of the puppies.”

“What if you’re wrong?” Clinton asked, “What if he did take them to a shelter or something and those aren’t her puppies?”

“We will see when he gets here,” she said then looked between the two of us then down at the dog. “I can’t believe you never told me about the puppies.”

“I don’t think he’d do it, and we hang out at my house most of the time,” Clinton countered shrugging. “His Dad annoys me.”

“You’re just scared of what Cj would’ve done to you if you told us, but whatever,” Jenny countered then with an exasperated sigh she tugged on the leash and walked the dog over to sit on Clinton’s porch to wait for Cj to come back.

“If Cj is on his way I better go,” I said, causing Clinton to turn back around.

“He’s throwing a party here, so yeah,” Clinton said, finally meeting my eyes. “And Jenny is about to set him off.”

“If she is right he deserves it,” I countered, “do you believe her?”

“I know his dog had puppies and I know his mom was giving him shit about them,” Clinton answered sighing. “I don’t think he’d dump them on the side of the road though.”

“It wouldn’t matter if he did,” I said, “right?”

“What does that mean?” He asked, but I could see that he understood what I meant.

“I know he’s your best friend,” I said, “and you told me you won’t stop being his friend.”

“I did,” he said, nodding slightly, but the sureness of his voice from the first time we talked about Cj was gone. “I want to talk to you about this morning.”

“Why do you think I’m here?,” I asked, “I want to know if you meant it.”

“Of course I didn’t mean it, fuck,” he said crossing his arms. “When I saw the look on your face when I came back in I knew I fucked up.”

“Did you mean it before we started hanging out?” I asked and he looked over at me.

“No, I never have meant it,” he answered and I noticed his face had gotten a little sunburned throughout the day and he still smelled of fish and lake water.

“How can I believe that?” I asked and he sighed shaking his head. I could see the frustration he felt in the tense set of his shoulders.

“I guess you either do or you don’t,” he said frowning. “If I ever thought you weren’t worth it, would I have taken the risks to be with you?”

“I don’t know,” I said, feeling my resolve breaking. I wanted to reach out and touch him.

“Fuck you’re stubborn,” he said looking at me for a moment then back towards the road leading towards town. I looked over my shoulder knowing he was looking for any sign of Cj coming back.

“Tell Cj to have the party somewhere else,” I said, turning back to look at him, “please.”

“I can’t,” he said, “we’re going to have to be careful.”

“He’ll keep you away from me,” I argued, “I won’t ever get to see you.”

“No he won’t,” he countered.

“And you won’t defend me either, will you?” I asked, feeling my face flush.

“If I did, it would only make him worse,” he answered, dropping his hands to his sides.

“So I won’t ever see you and you’ll be an asshole when I do,” I said shaking my head. “I guess I should have seen this coming.”

“Don’t be like that,” he said when I made to step around him. I wanted to talk Jenny out of confronting Cj before he got here.

“We had fun, Clinton,” I said after he blocked my path. “We both knew this would happen.”

“Just come by in the morning,” Clinton said, “or stay here, I don’t care.”

“You want me to stay?” I asked, but his shoulders tensed and he shook his head. “I’ll try to go get Jenny home and you need to get ready for your party.”

“It’s too late,” he said and I turned to see Cj’s truck pulling into the front lawn. When he got out he was carrying five boxes of pizza.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Cj asked, closing his truck door with his back.

“I was just leaving,” I said, but then he looked towards the house and I turned to see that Jenny was rushing towards him with the dog jumping excitedly around now that Cj had arrived.

“Hi Jenny,” he said offering her a smile, but then he frowned when he saw the dog. “Why do you have my dog?”

“You bastard,” she said as she closed the distance. “You fucking bastard.”

“Are you on your period or something?” Cj asked, turning to face her.

“You dumped those puppies on the side of the road,” she said and I saw both her hands balled into fists at her sides. Cj’s dog was trying to greet Cj, but he kept nudging her away with his foot.

“What puppies?” Cj asked, “Did you steal my dog?”

“You’re damn right I did,” she answered glancing down at the dog then back to him. “I have your puppies too.”

“Not my problem,” he said shrugging, “so stop being a bitch.”

“You don’t even deny it?” She asked and I started walking towards them.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cj countered, “so get the fuck out of my way and take my dog back, if she’s not there in the morning I’m calling the cops.”

“Call them,” she said, “and I’ll tell them what you did.”

“I didn’t do anything,” he said, trying to shoulder past her. “You can’t prove it anyway.”

“A blood test is all I need, Cj,” she said and I reached out and grabbed her shoulder, but she shrugged me off shooting me a quick glare. “And your Mayor Daddy will have a son charged with animal cruelty.”

“No one threatens me bitch,” Cj said, but before I could reach out for Jenny again she had already slammed her fist into his nose. She groaned, shaking her hand reaching over with her other one to rub it. She had to put a lot of force into her swing and it knocked Cj off balance, the pizzas flying from his hands.

“Get her out of here,” Clinton said and when I grabbed her she kicked out with her foot and caught Cj’s left knee causing him to cuss her again.

“Let me go Corey,” she ordered as I started pulling her away from Cj, my cast digging into my arm causing a sharp pain to go through it. Smiling despite the pain in my arm I let her go and we both watched as Cj shrugged off Clinton’s hand as he wiped the blood from his nose.

“You crazy bitch,” he said pinching his nose grimacing. “I don’t care if you’re fucking Clinton…”

“I’m not,” Jenny said, “so say what you want to.”

“Jenny,” I whispered, “let’s just leave.”

“Take the fag and leave the dog,” Cj said looking down at the ruined pizza. “You’ll be a nobody like him if you keep this up.”

“Like being somebody in this town matters,” Jenny countered, “if you let me take the dog I won’t say anything to the police.”

“You can’t blackmail me,” he said, his voice nasal and muffled by his hand, “my dad…”

“Your dad is up for re-election this fall,” she hissed, “I wonder what his voters would think about him then. A son that leaves puppies in a box to die.”

“Fuck you,” he said taking a few steps towards her.

“And Cam’s Mom is chief editor of the newspaper,” Jenny added, turning to me smiling, “and doesn’t Cam’s father always run for mayor?”

“Yeah,” I answered offering her a smile.

“Well there you go,” she said, “biggest news story of the year.”

“That’s enough Jenny,” Clinton said, stepping over the ruined pizzas to stand beside Cj.

“Take the dog,” Cj said, and he let his hand drop. His nose was no longer bleeding. “I never wanted it to begin with.”

“I thought you’d see it my way,” Jenny said, glancing down at the dog.

“Clinton after you tell that fag and the crazy bitch to leave, clean up the pizzas,” Cj said glaring at Clinton. “I’m going to go make sure my nose isn’t broken.”

“Ok,” Clinton said as he took a few steps towards us, his face tense. I didn’t want to wait around for him to do what Cj wanted, but I also wanted to see if he did.

“Do it,” Cj pushed, “tell them to get the fuck out of here.”

“You’re already telling them to get the fuck out of here,” Clinton countered glancing over his shoulder. Sighing I reached down and took hold of Jenny’s hand not looking at her.

“People have been telling me you’ve been hanging out with that fag,” Cj said and I felt Jenny’s hand tighten around mine, but I kept walking towards the car.

“People lie,” he said. I turned to look at them as we walked around the front of Clinton’s truck. Cj smirked and I could tell he didn’t believe Clinton and I sighed wondering just what sort of hell he had planned for him later.

“Won’t you come inside,” Jenny said when I stopped at my door. “I really need to ice my hand, punching people hurts.”

“I think I have somewhere to be,” I said looking down at Jenny’s hand, her knuckles were red, but they didn’t look to be swelling. When I looked up at her she was studying me her eyes narrowed slightly.

“Where?” She asked as I opened my car door.

“I’m not sure, one of two places,” I said shrugging. “Just not here, there’s nothing for me here.”

“I wouldn’t give up on him, Corey,” she whispered as she wrapped me into an awkward hug. “Come hang out with me before you mess things up.”

“I’ll be alright,” I said and she broke the hug and looked up at me.

“Make him pay for it,” she said, “but not like that, there are some things you can’t take back.”

“How do you even know what I’m thinking?” I asked and she offered me a tight smile.

“Everyone runs towards open arms when they’ve been hurt,” she answered and I sighed looking towards Clinton’s house.

“I’ll see you Friday,” I said and after a moment she nodded and stepped away from the door. Then she walked around the white picket fence into her yard as I slid into the car and started the engine. When I backed out of the driveway and drove by I saw Clinton in the front yard alone, picking up the boxes of pizza. He stood as I drove by a beat up pizza box in his hand, not wanting to see the look on his face, I focused straight ahead and sped up until I was far enough down the road where I knew I wouldn’t be able to see him.

When I came to the elementary school I looked across the road at the houses that lined the street opposite of it. Everything was so cramped here in town. If it wasn’t getting dark I could probably see the apartments from where I was. It had been a short walk from the public library to the high school a few nights ago. Shuddering as I remembered that night I slowly drove by each house looking for the familiar Jeep. When I finally did see it parked at a small white house with light blue shutters I slowly pulled in beside it. I killed the engine and leaned back into the seat closing my eyes, I silently cussed Jenny for saying what she did and for knowing. I also knew the only reason I was still sitting here wasn’t because of her either. I reached to turn the key back over, but then sighed letting my hand drop back to my lap.

“Fuck,” I groaned and slammed my left hand into the steering wheel. Then I reached back for the keys and this time I pulled them out of the ignition and shoved them into my pocket. I opened the door and quickly undid my seatbelt. I knew if I allowed myself to think that I would be in the car all night. I didn’t have anything with Clinton, unless Clinton made it possible and I didn’t know what all that would mean. The one thing I did know, kicking Cj out of his life wasn’t going to happen. That was the first step and he was so unwilling to take it. I know by doing so I was asking him to do more than that. That I was asking him to come to me and that Cj would likely understand why he did. That I had been in that bedroom. I knew that in a way he was protecting the both of us. Maybe I needed to take a few steps of my own too. There had to be middle ground somewhere we could meet.

The thought stopped me walking. I was at Greg’s front porch though, just one step up and I’d be on it and then there were just three or four more to his front door. I was about to turn back around, having talked myself out of it for the most part. Then the front porch light came on and I shielded my eyes from the sudden brightness as I heard the door open.

“Corey?” Greg asked and I dropped my arm to see him standing in his doorway.

“Hi,” I said and then jumped when I felt something furry slide against my leg. When I looked down I saw a calico cat jump up the small step and prance around Greg’s leg into the house.

“What are you doing here?” He asked and I sighed shrugging my shoulders. I stepped up the step and across the small smooth concrete porch.

“Is your Mom here?” I asked as he stood in the doorway.

“No she’s staying with her latest catch,” he said studying me, “I’m babysitting the cat.”

“Ok,” I said and I closed the distance and grabbed his shirt when he made to step back away from the door to let me in. I pulled him into me and he grunted just before my mouth found his. I kissed him again when he took a step back, his stubble scratching my face. Then he seemed to come to his senses and I felt his lips soften and kiss me back.

When we were far enough into the living room he reached past me and closed the door and I broke the kiss and looked at him. His hair was the same lightly gelled faux mohawk from the first day I met him in front of the barbershop. I could still remember the nice complementary scents of his deodorant and laundry soap and his mouth tasted like he had just brushed his teeth. He was looking at me, his dark brown eyes seemed nearly black in the darkness of the living room. It was then I noticed that he was dressed in a black tank top and boxer briefs. Feeling my face flush I pulled him back against me until my back was against the door. He grunted when he slammed against me and I started kissing him again. Then when I reached up with my hands and started tugging up his shirt he broke the kiss and grabbed my hands.

“Slow down,” he said, his voice low, but he let go of me and turned on the living room light. I squinted until my eyes adjusted.

“What?” I asked, looking at him.

“You went over to see him, didn’t you?” Greg asked, taking a step back.

“Yes,” I answered, “I had to see if he was worth it, like you said.”

“And was he?” Greg asked and I glared at him.

“Of course he wasn’t, why else would I be here?” I asked and he smirked and took another step back crossing his arms.

“To try and prove it with me,” he answered, shaking his head. “I’m not going to be your experiment.”

“I was your experiment,” I countered and he frowned looking down at the floor for a few moments before turning back to me.

“I’m sorry I did that,” he said, “I wish I could take it all back.”

“And be with Amy,” I added and he shook his head.

“To do things right by you,” he countered offering me a small smile.

“Say you’re gay,” I said trying to hold his gaze. “You know you can and not be judged by me, say it.”

“Alright,” he said holding out his hands and squaring his shoulders. “I’m gay.”

“And now do you feel any different?” I asked when he smiled.

“Not really, no,” he answered and I smirked and stepped towards him.

“It’s a good start then,” I said as I wrapped him into a hug.

“A good start for what?” He asked as I felt his arms going around me.

“To do right by me,” I answered and then I felt him sigh.

“Do you still have feelings for me?” Greg asked and I tensed before I could catch myself. He broke the hug and I stepped out of it.

“I could,” I said as he turned and walked towards the couch. I followed him and sat down beside him. “I’ve had a lot of time to get over you.”

“Over what I did to you,” he said and I looked down at my hands, the green cast already had a few dirt smudges on it.

“I just want to forget Clinton,” I said leaning back against the couch. “And not just because he upset me tonight.”

“So he wasn’t worth it?” Greg asked and I glared at him.

“What do you want me to say to that?” I asked, “He is worth it, he isn’t worth it, what?”

“I want the truth,” he answered, looking at me.

“I think he is worth it,” I said, “I think he cares about me a lot, but it won’t work out.”

“Why not?” Greg asked, reaching over he put his hand on my shoulder and started rubbing it.

“This is not why I came here,” I said looking up at him. “I thought you’d be a more willing distraction.”

“Oh I am,” he said smiling, “don’t be confused I want you to keep hating him.”

“I don’t hate him,” I countered, “how can there ever be something with him if he won’t stand up to Cj?”

“You tell me, I don’t know him,” Greg said, offering me a smile.

“He won’t do it,” I said, “he’s too scared of what Cj will do.”

“Why don’t you do it for him?” Greg asked and when I glared at him he shrugged and waited for me to answer.

“It’s not my place,” I answered, “he has to do it, if I do it, he can pretend things didn’t happen.”

“And leave you to suffer by yourself,” Greg added, “out you and leave you to deal with Cj, your parents and your friends.”

“Jenny already knows,” I said, but then the thought of Andy and Keith made my stomach turn. They won’t be gone forever either. They were my true best friends and if they came back to all this and turned away from me I wouldn’t know how to handle that. The thought of Dad knowing scared me to death as well. If a puppy set him off that bad, I would be scared to know how having a gay son would. I was too unwilling to step outside of my own shadows; it was starting to seem unfair that I was asking Clinton to. I wasn’t the one keeping us apart though, but I knew if I didn’t have this broken arm and Mom, Dad would be keeping me busy.

“I know I’m not the best person to be talking to,” Greg said, turning his body slightly to face me. “But if I really wanted something I’d face the risks head on.”

“Yeah you’re not the best person,” I said smiling. “I can’t believe you talked me out of what I was going to do to you.”

“Well, I’m banking on Clinton fucking up more royally than I did,” Greg countered sighing. “And then you getting over him.”

“What if he doesn’t?” I asked, “What then?”

“I think I’ve already been bettered, so,” Greg answered shrugging. “But I’ve already got more than I expected anyway.”

“What’s that?” I asked and he smiled and took my hand.

“I got you to forgive me,” he answered as he stood and pulled me up with him. “And to think about me if your other guy messes up.”

“Right,” I said as he let my hand drop back to my side. Then he leaned forward and kissed the corner of my mouth.

“Now get out of here,” he said smiling. “Before I change my mind about what you were wanting to do to me.”

“Ok,” I said and I turned around and walked over to his front door and opened it. When I looked back he gave me a small wave and I smiled and nodded as I stepped out onto the porch closing the door behind me.

When I got home I heard the television on through the thin metal door of the apartment. When I opened it and stepped through, Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch watching a movie with a bowl of popcorn sitting between them. I smiled when I saw Trouble curled up in Mom’s lap chewing on one of her toys looking at me.

“Hi Corey,” Mom greeted as I closed the door behind me.

“Corey if you’re going to leave your damn dog here alone, keep it in your room,” Dad said, turning down the television.

“Did she tear anything up?” I asked frowning when he shot me a glare.

“She chewed up a pair of my underwear,” Dad answered, crossing his arms. “I’m warning you, one more damn thing like that and she’s out the door.”

“Sorry,” I said, glancing at Mom to see her trying not to laugh.

“They were clean and in my folding basket,” Mom said, reaching down and rubbing Trouble between the ears.

“And she shit on the floor,” Dad hissed, “why don’t you just give her back to Jenny?”

“Lee,” Mom said, turning to look at him, “what did I tell you about the dog?”

“He needs to take care of it Cora, show some responsibility,” Dad argued, but turned back to the television.

“Before I forget, Clinton called while you were out,” Mom said and I looked down on the counter at the cordless phone.

“And that weird Greg kid the other night,” Dad said, “why doesn’t Jenny call you?”

“I just saw Jenny today,” I said shrugging. “How did they get our number anyway?”

“We used the same one, it’s listed,” Mom said smiling. “So, what did you do today?”

“Went to the old farm by the river, Greg took me ice skating, went to see Jenny,” I answered hoping she didn’t ask me anymore questions.

“Ice skating with a broken arm, real smart move there son,” Dad grunted, shaking his head. “I’ll be glad when Andy and Keith get back so you stop hanging out with those two dumbasses.”

“Yeah I miss Andy and Keith,” I offered then stretched yawning. I wanted to go see Clinton or call him back, but I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. “Well, I’m going to bed.”

“Alright honey,” Mom said and I walked over to the couch and let her kiss me on the cheek. When I stood up she handed me Trouble and I carried her into my room and put her down on the bed knowing she would whine if I put her on the floor. Then I stripped down to my boxer briefs and slid under the covers as she made herself a nest. I turned out the light and laid down sighing. Then I closed my eyes and tried not to think just enough to fall asleep.