Enigma - 15. Chapter 15 - Feeling Yourself Again

It comes as something of a shock when the car stops. Faith kicks Silver who hasn’t been moving for a while now. I wish I could see his face but it's turned away from me and covered with his hair anyway. When he doesn’t move Faith kicks him again, harder.

“Rise and shine sleeping beauty. You’ve reached the end of the road.”

Silver squirms and groans loudly. I know from this that he isn’t doing well as he has deliberately not made a sound so far.

Faith laughs lightly and gets out of the car. I don’t have much time to notice what he does next because the door on my side is wrenched open and the goon who has been covering me grabs my arm and shoves me roughly out.

I look around but there isn’t much to see. We’re on some kind of industrial estate, in a car park surrounded by warehouses. It looks pretty run down and basically derelict. The goon grabs my arms, jerks them behind my back and pushes me forward. I hear Silver cry out and I try to turn to see what is happening to him but the man has me in a grip of iron and he just shoves me forward.

When we get around to the other side of the car I am so relieved to see Silver on his feet. One of the men who sat in the front of the car is standing next to him; holding on to the chain and Faith is standing behind him with his gun touching his back. Silver is doing his best to stand erect but he can’t help but lean over slightly to one side and he has one arm wrapped around himself.

“Stand up straight and walk.” Faith prods Silver with the gun and he stumbles forward, towards the gaping maw of a nearby warehouse. I feel tears prickle my eyes. Do they really have to be so cruel? I feel like slapping myself on the head... what am I thinking? Of course they are cruel... that’s the whole point isn’t it, the whole reason why we are even here in the first place.

Silver turns his head, meets my eyes and gives a half smile. My heart turns over. Even with everything he is going through he is still thinking of me.

Silver’s gesture earns him a hard jab in the back and he cries out, stumbling and falling hard to his knees. The goon besides him is holding hard to the chain and it jerks up and half chokes him, preventing him from doing anything but sit upright, his back straight, straining upwards to relieve the pressure on his windpipe.

At a nod from Faith the chain is loosened and Silver slumps, his head falling forwards. Faith grabs Silver’s hair winding it around his hand and using it to jerk back his head. Silver grunts but makes no other sound.

“Get up and get on with it. If I have to carry you, you will be very sorry.”

“What’s the point?” Silver grinds out through clenched teeth. “You’re going to kill me anyway so why bother to co operate?”

Faith bends close to him but speaks clearly and loud enough for me to hear. “For one thing there is a whole world of pain between now and the end... and for another... remember there are two of you.”

I see Silver’s body go stiff and he groans. “Alright. Whatever you say. I’ll do whatever you say.”

“Of course you will... that’s what slaves do. Now get on your feet and walk.”

Silver struggles to get up and Faith gets frustrated and yanks him up by the hair. He looks down at the long, coal black silk wrapped around his hand.

“You have beautiful hair Silver. That’s one of the things that made you so popular, you know. Your beautiful hair and those freakily beautiful eyes. Well... I can’t do very much about your eyes, not without risking the wrath of the Master... but he isn’t going to give a crap about this.”

Still with Silver’s hair wrapped around his hand Faith hands his gun to the goon and raises his leg, reaching inside his boot for a long silver knife. The knife must be razor sharp because when he starts to saw at Silver’s hair it separates easily. It must hurt though. Silver hisses but says nothing and does not cry out.

When he is done Faith throws handfuls of dark silk onto the floor in front of Silver. “There. How does it feel now? Not so pretty huh?”

The hair has been sliced off at just above shoulder level and although it is ragged and uneven it suits him. They could have shaved his head and he would still look beautiful.

“How does it feel Silver?”

“Sir, good, Sir.”

“Good?” Faith looks a little surprised, then laughs. “Say thank you then.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Now Faith laughs out loud. “Just walk.”

Stumbling slightly, Silver starts to move towards the warehouse. Following a few steps behind I am horrified to see that, after a few yards, the rubble over which he stumbles, is stained with blood.

It is almost a relief to get inside the warehouse. It is cool and dark. There is a large open space with nothing in it but a stained mattress and a chair against one wall. Faith makes Silver walk across the floor towards the mattress, occasionally prodding him with the gun.

As we get close I can see that there is a ring set into the warehouse wall behind the mattress with a short length of chain attached to it. When we get close Faith stops and walks around so he is facing Silver.

“Take a look around Silver. This is the end of the road for you. This is where you are going to die. The Master will be here in a couple of hours and your charmed life will finally be over. How do you like your final home?”

The goon holding me has pushed me forward so I can see Silver’s face. I can see the glitter of his eyes. I can see the very slight upward tilt of his lips. I can see defiance in every line of it and I am scared.

“Why so silent Silver? If I remember you were very vocal the first time. I was quite surprised by the depth of your vocabulary... quite fluent too, if I recall... until I stuck a needle in your arse. It was quite a relief to tell the truth... at least until you... erm... lost control. It took ages to get the smell out of the car. Don’t you have anything to say to me now... if not I will be terribly disappointed.”

“Last time Faith...” Silver says very softly and in a more controlled voice than I would ever have been able to manage if I had been in his position. “... I was a scared little boy. I had no idea what was happening to me and all I wanted was my mother. That little boy died a long time ago and I wouldn’t even recognise my mother if I saw her. You did that. You took everything I ever had and made me into something I didn’t like.

“I have spent the last six months hiding... from myself, from you, from what you did to me... and I don’t want to hide any more. I would rather die... here and now than spend the rest of my life waking in the night screaming, walking through the days dreaming. Do what you want... I don’t care. I’m not afraid of you any more.”

I stare at him. Although he is completely naked and chained I have never seen anyone look so noble. He is straight and proud and I am proud too. Whatever happens next, in this moment he is a free man and I am in awe.

Faith begins to laugh. The sound chills me. Faith makes a sign to the goon who is holding me who starts to drag me backwards towards the chair. At first I go willingly but as he turns back Faith spins and hits Silver hard across the face with all his strength. Fortunately the goon who is holding the chain releases it otherwise he would certainly have broken his neck as he practically flies through the air and lands heavily on his bad side. This time there is no way that he can stop the agonised cry that is torn from his lips.

Without even think of what I’m doing I start to struggle in the grip of the man who is holding me. “Silver... no!” The sound is torn from me and I really don’t care if they beat me or kill me now... all I care about if the fact that Silver is writhing and choking with pain and Faith is smiling.

No matter how I struggle I can’t break free from the grip of iron. I am thrown heavily into the chair and before I can do anything my arms are strapped to the arms of the chair and my legs to the legs. It is a heavy chair and no matter how I struggle I cannot move it an inch or make any impression at all on the straps.

At Faith’s direction the goon hauls Silver to his feet. He is in so much pain and half dazed from Faith’s blow. He is dribbling blood, hopefully from where his teeth cut the inside of his mouth, and he simply can’t stand. It takes two of the black clad men to get him upright and hold him between them.

Faith nods and one of the goons unclips the chain from the collar around his neck and drops it to the floor. Silver makes a valiant attempt to stand up straight but collapses again when Faith hits him hard in the stomach.

After giving him time to recover his breath Faith jerks his head up by the hair and smiles into his face.

“Are you still so sure you would rather die Silver? Are you sure you’re not afraid of me now?”

Silver is beyond speech, barely conscious but he still manages to raise his head and spit bloody spit into Faith’s face. God I am so proud of him, and I hold my breath as Faith wipes the spittle from his face and smiles a cold, hard smile.

It is a huge temptation to close my eyes as Faith hits Silver, over and over, being careful to temper his punches not to do any major, or at least fatal damage. But how can I close my eyes? How can I choose to block it out when Silver can’t? I owe it to him to be there with him. It is probable that he doesn’t even remember I’m here; he has other things on his mind.

When Faith has finished he motions to the goons and they drag Silver’s bruised and bloodied body over to the mattress. The sit him upright against the wall and secure the chain to his collar. They have some trouble propping him up so the chain doesn’t choke him. He is completely unconscious now, limp and incapable of holding his head up, let alone of sitting upright. In the end they manage to manhandle the boneless marionette into a position where he is not in imminent danger of choking himself to death and then they leave him.

I half expect Faith to turn his attention to me but he simply ignores me, walking off with his goons to somewhere behind me I cannot see. I don’t want to see. I couldn’t look if my life depended on it because I can’t take my eyes off Silver, my beautiful, beautiful Silver. He is still beautiful, even with his face bruised and bleeding and his body broken. I have never wanted to hold someone in my arms so much. It is almost a physical pain to not be able to go to him.

It is dim inside the warehouse and it gets harder to see him clearly. Time crawls on and reaction sets in. I start to get drowsy and, as unbelievable as it is given the circumstances I doze.

I jerk awake and glance around nervously. I can’t see anyone. Silver is still slumped, his head leaning back against the wall, his hand in his lap. I squirm uncomfortably and the movement makes Silver open his eyes and raise his head. Oh Gods... he’s trying to smile at me. It obviously hurts him but it is still like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. How can he smile at a time like this?

“You okay?” I whisper. I’m scared to speak any louder because the warehouse is so echoey and the slightest sound seems to reverberate off the walls, magnified. I don’t know if he hears but his smile widens just a little.

“I’m sorry River.” His voice is tired and full of pain and it strikes to my heart.

“Sorry? What the hell have you got to be sorry about?”

“I got you into this. If they hadn’t seen us kiss. If they didn’t know I have feelings for you they probably would never have taken you.”

“Yeah right... they would have snatched you out from under my nose and just left me be. I think that’s a little unlikely don’t you?”

“You don’t know them. I do. They only brought you to hurt me.”

“Seems like they’ve done a pretty good job of that without using me.” I say softly. Wearily Silver lets his head fall forwards, not bothering to answer.

It is killing me slowly, sitting here, stuck, not being able to go to him, to hold him, to comfort him. If anyone is being tormented here it's me.

“Does it hurt a lot?” Stupid question I know but I really need him to speak to me. I need to know he’s okay... well relatively.

“Some.”

“Fucking liar. It must hurt like hell.”

Silver raises his head again and looks at me. His eyes are resigned. “Won’t for long.”

“Do you really think they are going to kill you?”

He laughs shortly. “You heard what he said. They’re only finishing what they started.”

“How can you be so calm about it?”

“Calm? I’m not calm. I’m scared as hell but what am I going to do about it? Can’t fight them... not now.” He says it as if it would have been an option if he were sound.

“If it means anything, I think you’re incredibly brave, the bravest man I have ever seen.”

“Brave? How can I be brave... I’m scared witless?”

“And still spitting in his face. Shit Silver... if that were me I would have been too busy pissing myself to even look him in the eye let alone what you did. You were awesome. You are awesome. After everything you’ve been through to be able to hold your head up in the face of all this... shit... fucking shit!!!”

“Sshhh. Keep your head down and your mouth shut and you might get out of this alive.” I look at him. Shafts of sunlight are slanting in through the window, speckled with the dancing motes of a million silver specks of dust. The rays touch is hair and make it shine darkly. Even with more than half of it shorn away it is beautiful, like the rest of him inside and out.

“I don’t want to live Silver, not without you.” I don’t know where it came from but as I say it I realise that it’s true. The abuse I have already seen sickens me to my stomach and my mind shies away from thinking about what is yet to come. I know enough from what first Nikki and then Silver have told me about these people and the things that they do to realise that they are serious in what they say they are going to do to him and it isn’t going to be quick and peaceful.

The thought of watching this beautiful bright soul extinguished before my eyes, torn apart piece by piece is more than I can bear. I would rather be dead than have to witness that.

“I... I know that this is going to sound crazy but...” I close my eyes to blink away the tears that are running down my cheeks. “... I love you Silver. I have fought against it... so hard but... Gods help me I knew from the moment I first looked into your eyes. That’s why I freaked so much when I saw that painting. If you had known how much I had longed to touch you, to hold you, to feel your kiss... If you had known how hard it was me every time I have held you and breathed in your sweetness...”

“I knew.” It was so soft I barely heard it. “I always knew. Even when I didn’t know much else, when I was so lost inside my head... even then I knew. I told you this before but you wouldn’t believe me... maybe you’ll believe me now. I love you River.”

“Oh how touching.” Faith had come from nowhere and we both start at the sound of his voice at my shoulder. “I just thought I would let you know that the Master will be here within the hour. You have just one more hour of this miserable life left... make the most of it.”

As he speaks a strange look comes over Silver’s face as if all expression is draining from it. For a moment his eyes flutter and then he slams his head back against the wall and his body arches, careless of his injuries as every muscle in his body goes rigid.

“What the fuck?” Faith’s voice has lost its smarminess and there is something almost like fear there.

“Faith you had better let me out of this chair right now.”

“What?” He snaps, without taking his eyes off Silver who continues to strain against the wall making strange animal like grunts. “Why the hell would I do that?”

Incredibly my professionalism snaps into place and my voice is perfectly calm as I say urgently.

“Because he’s having a seizure and if you don’t let me take care of him he is going to break his neck and when your Master gets here you are going to have to explain why all he finds is a dead body.”

I feel Faith’s eyes bore into me and practically taste his indecision. Silver’s body starts to jerk sending his head slamming repeatedly back into the wall and I get a shiver of fear wondering if he is going to crack his skull before I can get to him.

For a moment the whole world seems to hold its breath and then Faith is frantically scrabbling at the buckles on my leg restraints.

“You try anything and I am going to break your legs before I blow out your brains.”

“Do you really think I would let him die while trying to save my own skin?”

“It’s what I would do.”

“Yeah... and that’s what makes us different. Hurry.”

The moment I am free I throw myself across the floor and slide one hand behind Silver’s head, protecting it from slamming against the wall while my other hand fumbles frantically with the chain fastening, pinning his body against the wall as it convulses helplessly.

When I finally release the chain I ease Silver down onto the mattress and release his hands. Whilst all my training screams at me to leave him free, to let the seizure run its course I am terrified that his frantic thrashing will damage him, drive his broken rib into an organ or through his lung and so I throw my arms around him, pinning his against his side like splints on a broken limb. His uncontrolled spasms are powerful and it takes all my strength to hold on to him, to try and keep his torso as still as possible whilst preventing his head hitting the wall. It is exhausting and goes on for a long time.

Even when he starts to come out of it he fights me with seemingly inhuman strength, not knowing who I am or even who he is. He is blind and without any conscious thought, his jaw locked and frothy spittle dyed pink with blood flecks his lips and trickles over his chin. My heart is breaking but I keep holding on until very gradually the fighting becomes less frantic and he starts to breathe again, at first in gulping gasps and then more easily.

As he slowly relaxes I expect to feel Faith’s hand on my collar, dragging me away from him again but it doesn’t come. I later realise that he has retreated to safe distance, presumably so that if anything happens to Silver he can rightly say that he was nowhere near at the time and the Master’s wrath can be directed at me.

At the moment the only thing I am concerned about is Silver. He is the focus of all my attention.

When he starts to relax I haul myself up against the wall and draw him into my arms, he comes willingly at this point, no longer fighting but still unaware of his surroundings. At this moment I think he is the lucky one.

Wiping his mouth with my shirt I nestle his head against my shoulder and stroke his hair, letting his rising awareness know that he is not alone, that there is someone here, someone who cares.

Tremors are still running through him and he is shaking all over but he is resting now, limp against my shoulder little moans revealing that he is starting to feel the pain of his many injuries. It’s not until they start to splash on his face that I realise I am crying, tears running free and unchecked over my face. I don’t care.

After what seems like an age Silver’s eyes flutter and open, awareness enlivening their depths again. He stares at me and I stroke his face, unsticking the hair where it is stuck to him with blood and spit. Swallowing heavily he closes his eyes and groans.

“Am I hurting you?”

His eyes are still dazed when he opens them and looks up at me but he is smiling. “You would never hurt me.” He whispers.

“Not knowingly, but it’s hard to know where I can hold you that won’t hurt.”

“Nowhere.” Exhausted he lets his head fall against my shoulder and I just hold him close and gently rock, like a mother rocks her child. It is only now that I look up and am surprised to see no one near us. I have no doubt that if either of us tried to make a move for the door they would come but for the moment they are leaving us alone and, for the moment, that is enough.

Despite everything it is so good to hold him in my arms. Even on this filthy mattress with my back against the cold hard wall and death breathing on the back of my neck there is something stirring in me that makes a warm glow spread through my body.

We have come a long way, Silver and I. In such a short space of time, is it really only two weeks? I have changed beyond measure and Silver even more so. He came to me a slave in more ways than one and, one by one his chains have broken, the last of them falling away today when he faced up to his nightmare and spat in it’s face.

I am so proud of him, so proud to be with him. I am overwhelmed by him, enchanted and dazzled by his beauty that overshadows everything and makes even this dark place bright.

Still weeping I hug him close and wish with all my heart that I could protect him as I had promised, that I could save him from what is to come.

Moaning softly Silver stirs in my arms, trying in vain to find a position that does not cause him pain. Reluctantly I ease him down onto the mattress and lie down beside him. Finally he sighs as his battered body sinks into the softness and finds at least a measure of relief.

Stretching out with his eyes only inches from my own it is easy to forget everything for a moment. Soon our world will erupt in violence but here and now everything is quiet and still. We are barely breathing, watching each other with hungry eyes, eating up every millimetre of each other’s face. I can’t help but think that I have the better deal in that.

Despite the already darkening bruises on his ghostly pale face Silver is breathtakingly beautiful, an angel in a nest of demons. I can’t help it, I have to touch him. He doesn’t smile as my hand caresses his shoulder and trails down his arm. Shivering slightly he raises his hand to touch my face.

“I wish...” His finger touches my lips and he shakes his head slightly. I know what he means. This moment is holy. I will not bring the terror in to spoil it.

Silver’s eyes turn introspective for a moment and then meet my own. He smiles a strange little smile.

“River...”

“Yes?” I feel a little trepidatious at his tone and frown slightly. It makes him smile.

“It’s Matthew.” I am puzzled, not understanding and I shake my head a little. “My name... it’s Matthew.”

A warm glow spreads through me as the light dawns. What’s in a name? In this one a whole lot more than just seven letters and two syllables. In this name there is an enormous victory. With this name Silver has found himself.

“I’m so pleased to meet you Matthew.” We both smile and for a while are lost in golden triumph