Believe - 9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

SIAM POV

Ever since Rusty said that he was ready, my wolf and I have been restless. For the first time in my life, my wolf and I were at odds. He wanted to claim his mate in earnest, and I wanted to wait.

Normally I never wanted to wait but something had changed in me since I met Rusty and even though I didn't know everything about him, I didn't care.

I wanted him, but I felt that I couldn't have him. Atleast not yet anyway. I needed to talk to someone and fast. I rolled over, careful not to wake Rusty, took my phone from the night stand and texted him.

Me: can you talk?

Lil bro: yeah T's asleep. FINALLY!

Me: cool. Nd 2 talk

Lil bro: Rusty?

Me: yeah

Lil bro: ok... usual spot?

Me: see you there :)

I got up and watched as he strecthed out his hand searching for me. He always does that the moment I get up from the bed. He'd frown and purse his lips, then he'd slowly open his eyes and say “Siam?”.

“Rust, go back to sleep,” I said kissing him on his forehead. I didn't want him to lose sleep after over exerting himself yesterday. Even wolves like us can fall sick due to fatigue and I'd be damned if I let that happen to him.

“Come back to bed, Si, it's just two in the morning.”

“I have to do something but I promise to hurry, ok?”

“Ok,” he said hugging my pillow and falling asleep. He looked like a cherub and I was finding it hard to walk away. The moonlight coming through the window, shone directly on his face, giving his features a sort of other-worldly look. My wolf wanted to wake him up and keep him awake till mid-day, but even he had to agree that it'd be a shame to not admire this wonderful view.

My phone vibrating snapped me out of my reverie, reminding me that someone was waiting for me. With one last look at my mate, I left the room, making sure to close the door silently, and headed for the rooftop.

Cuan was already there, with snacks and drinks. No one apart from us knew how to get up here and that's because we were the ones to make a way to get up here. It was our secret place where we came to be alone together.

When Tate and Cuan first found out they were mates, Cuan was so scared of becoming Tate's sub that he disappeared. Everyone panicked because they couldn't find him. He and I sat on the rooftop watching everyone run around searching for him. They couldn't sniff him out since his smell was everywhere in the house and on pack land.

Tate couldn't find him seeing as they hadn't yet completed their mating and it was driving him crazy. I didn't say anything because that wouldn't help. So I sat next to him and we watched as his mate ran around trying to find him.

It was only when he saw Tate fall to the floor that he snapped out of his trance. He ran like someone being chased by the devil himself to his mate and picked him up. We never spoke about it and now he was happy with his mate.

“So.... you said you needed to talk,” he said staring at the moon.

I sat beside him, and I spilled. I told him that for the first time in my life, I was at odds with my wolf. I told him how Rusty's decision to mate had triggered something in me and even though I wanted to, I couldn't. I told him how I couldn't stop the butterflies in my stomach every time I saw him and how they went crazy when he smiled. How I loved cuddling and talking to him. How I wanted to make him happy and that wasn't just my wolf talking. How for the first time in my life, I wasn't just thinking sex but something else and I didn't know what it was.

Cuan never once looked at me while I was talking. He didn't interrupt me and I was grateful. We sat there in silence, eating and drinking.

“You love him.”

If I wasn't sitting next to him, I wouldn't have heard what he said even with my wolf ears. I turned my head so fast, I should have gotten whiplash.

“What?”

“You, Siam Leidolf, are in love with Boris Faden,”. He turned his head towards me, and kept talking. “Everything you just told me, is what I felt towards Tate so I know what it means. And it means you are in love with your Rusty.”

I looked at him, prepared to say that it wasn't that. That it was something else, something that had nothing to do with loving Rusty but I couldn't.

No shit sherlock, how can you say ‘no, it isn’t love’ when you know it isn't true? My wolf huffed. If you'd just asked me, I'd have told you that our human heart, your heart, has fallen for the red-head we call Rusty and is responsible for all the days of celibacy since he said he was ready to become true mates. I mean come on, it's been 3 weeks since he said he was ready!

Yeah, you wanted to jump him the first time we saw him, remember?I had to fight you until he said he was ready.

Of course I wanted to jump him, I'm your animal side doofus. I don't need to fall for him to claim him, take care of him and make him happy.if we don't claim him, there is a chance another wolf will do it before we do.

I was about to answer when I heard someone snickering beside me. Cuan was trying to hold it in but apparently he wasn't being successful.

“You know, you have a strange face whenever you are having a conversation with your wolf. I'd always admired the fact that you and your wolf can have a real exchange. My wolf only knows how to say hunt, sex, and mate, you know basic stuff.”

I couldn't help but laugh at that. It was true that I was one of the rare wolves that could actually have a conversation with my animal side. But sometimes I envied those that couldn't. For example when Tate woke up aft n 3,er searching for Cuan all day, he tracked him to the kitchen where he found him cooking for him and claimed him right there. Cuan's wolf wanted to be claimed and Cuan couldn't do anything to stop it.

For a week we called them the ‘Kitchen mates.’ Tate kept apologizing for claiming him in the kitchen. And even though Cuan knew it wasn't his fault, he still wanted to punish Tate. But we could all see how happy there were.

I wished my wolf would just take over and claim Rusty but my head just kept getting in the way.

“So what does your wolf think about what I said?”

“He thinks I'm stupid for not having figured it out myself, and says that if I'd asked him, I'd have saved myself three weeks of celibacy.”

Cuan looked at me like I had just grown horns and asked for his hand. I laughed. Guess he wasn't expecting me to say what I said. Heaven knows I wasn't expecting me to accept this the way I did. After what happened when I spent a year away from my pack, I thought I'd never feel this way. I stood up taking Cuan with me and pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you little brother, for listening and helping me see the answer.”

He squeezed once and let go. He looked like he was about to cry but was fighting it.

“I have to go, Tate's asleep now, but I don't want him waking up without me,” he said then turned and left.

I smiled and decided to speak to Rusty. He needed to know everything and I was prepared to tell him.

My phone vibrated on my way down from the rooftop.

Lil bro: don't 4get 2 tell bl@ez. He'd kill you if you don't.

I smiled and headed to my room. Rusty was still sleeping so I slipped into bed and took him into my arms. He sighed in his sleep and my heart skipped a beat. I stared at the ceiling, remembering when I had decided to paint this image after the dream I kept having for a month.

A dream about my mate and I. A dream about the man I loved and I. A dream that was finally coming true.